lovinmyboys Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Dh is going to a one week conference in the Netherlands for work in a couple of months and he wants me to go with him. I am so anxious about leaving my kids though. I know it is silly, but I don’t know if I will be able to enjoy the trip because of it. Dh really, really wants me to go though. I don’t know what to do. Kids will be 6, 8, 9, and 11 when the trip happens- so not babies. My parents will stay with them and they are awesome grandparents. I just worry that if something happens I won’t be able to get back very quickly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Go and enjoy the trip. The kids will enjoy the extra grandparent time. Tell our friend Anxiety that she doesn't get to limit your life opportunities. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Have a brilliant time! You can get back from Amsterdam in 7 hours, which is only about two hours more than one end to the other of the contiguous US. Make sure you have good travel insurance to reduce the risk of being stuck overseas, and go for it! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I left my kids with my mom for almost a week when we went to Australia and they were roughly that age. The kids had a blast doing/eating all the things mom disallows. DH and I enjoyed much needed alone time. We all were better off for the experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elastimom Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Enjoy your trip with your DH! What an opportunity!! You and your parents can get an app like Line to stay connected with each other. As long as you have WIFI access, you can exchange messages, make free phone calls, and send pictures. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petrichor Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I vote go, and enjoy! We're doing the opposite in a few days - sending DS (with grandparents) on an international trip without us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Enjoy your trip with your DH! What an opportunity!! You and your parents can get an app like Line to stay connected with each other. As long as you have WIFI access, you can exchange messages, make free phone calls, and send pictures. WhatsApp is THE app. Some years ago, Facebook paid 20 Billion (with a B) dollars for it. It is used by a huge percentage of the people who do not live in the USA. We even use WhatsApp in the house, to send messages from one room to another. I've heard of LINE, I used to see their TV commercials, but I have never used it. WhatsApp is the one we use and can recommend. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 OP have a great time in Europe with your DH! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 They will be fine. Go, have a good time! Sounds like a wonderful opportunity. We traveled 2 times abroad when our kids were younger than that. They were fine. We were fine. Grandparents were fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Go. You'll have a wonderful time, and your kids and parents will too! I was nervous to take a trip without my kids too. The first time we went on more than just an overnight trip without kids, we flew in a tiny 6-person plane during a storm. I remember seeing all of my children lined up on the runway to see us off (with my parents :)), standing under umbrellas in the pouring rain, my youngest one bawling. I thought, "What have we done??" and was certain we'd never see them again. It turned out be a fabulous trip and everyone had so much fun. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAJinBE Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 You should go. The Netherlands is a fantastic place. When I watched a friend's kids while she went to another country with her husband for a week, she gave me a medical power of attorney in case of emergency. I don't know if that would be something to get in the case of grandparents, but it might be worth looking in to to put your mind at ease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I just remembered that my parents went to Hawaii for a week when I was five; we stayed with grandparents and had a great time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 My kids really enjoyed their vacation with grandma and aunt, and their kids enjoyed time with us as well. At their ages with loving and competent grandparents they should be more than fine. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 (edited) Have they done more than one night without mom or dad before? If not, I might try to get in a practice run or two. It sounds like grandparents are going to your house, which will make things much easier, as will being a group of siblings. I wouldn't go if I had a toddler with separation anxiety who had never slept away. But 6 and up, with awesome grandparents? Do it. Rigging off of Laura's post, make a list of every little thing you are worried about. Get it all done on paper, big and little. Then go through the list and make an action plan. What if you NEED to come home? Figure out exactly how you would do that, have travel insurance. What if one of the kids get sick? Grandparents need authorization to take them to the doctor or hospital. And so on. Go. Have fun. Edited January 20, 2018 by katilac 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3 ladybugs Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I be the voice of decent. I wouldn't do it. NEVER. I wouldn't want to do it because I don't want to go home and say to my children we saw X and you would have loved it. Also I can't be without my boys. I had to do many cycles of painful, costly IVF to get them. I would have separation anxiety if I did it. I know I would. I would not be able to enjoy the trip (I have ruined trips before when I didn't want to go and I went "for my own good"... though I was 10 at the time). If we couldn't all go, then just DH would go and that would be that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I'm on the other side, the grandma taking care of a grandchild. Our daughter and son-in-law had an opportunity to go to a wedding in India and they left their 18-month-old with us for nine days. They considered taking him but the travel alone was more than 24 hours each way, plus he would not have remembered it. He did very well at our house. He knows us, sees us a lot, and we did keep him overnight before the big trip. They had a fantastic time. We sent text messages and photos and videos back and forth. I had fun taking our grandson to library story time, the park, etc. Sure, they missed him, but they're so glad they took the trip. Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I be the voice of decent. I wouldn't do it. NEVER. I wouldn't want to do it because I don't want to go home and say to my children we saw X and you would have loved it. Also I can't be without my boys. I had to do many cycles of painful, costly IVF to get them. I would have separation anxiety if I did it. I know I would. I would not be able to enjoy the trip (I have ruined trips before when I didn't want to go and I went "for my own good"... though I was 10 at the time). If we couldn't all go, then just DH would go and that would be that. I think that's very unhealthy for both you and your children. I think it's good for children to be apart from their parents for a little bit and to experience a few things on their own. It helps with their growing up process and makes it a lot easier for them to leave the nest when it's time to head to college or other post education opportunity. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xuzi Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 (edited) We did this exact thing last year (except our destination was Switzerland). Grandma and Grandpa took the kids (12, 10, and 8) on a road trip to a bunch of historical sites, so they had as many "Guess what we saw!" stories to share as we did when we got back. Edited January 20, 2018 by Xuzi 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 I don’t think that it is wrong to go without them and I don’t think that it is wrong not to go. For goodness sakes thousands of families can’t even afford international trips with or without their family. Different families are different and enjoy different things. My son is working full time without mommy at his side and is leaving the state without us in the fall and we took them on all trips with us. It wasn’t inherently unhealthy. OP I hope you figure out what is best for you and your family. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solascriptura Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 I’ve been on several trips without my kids. I’m so thankful that my siblings and parents were willing to watch my kids. They were also great bonding times with my dh. Having small kids can be a strain on a marriage and these times set aside for us were wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 You have good caregivers, go and enjoy yourself. The few times we have been able to get away as a couple have been great for our marriage. We have never traveled internationally without kids, but we did go to Alaska which is farther from our home than Europe. Getting away has also been really good for our kids to get that special bonding time with their grandparents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
importswim Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) Both sets of our parents live overseas and I would definitely go with DH. I would be anxious about it, but I would still make myself go. If the grandparents are competent then go and have a good time! ETA: I agree with WhatsApp. All of our families use it to communicate. Edited January 21, 2018 by importswim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3 ladybugs Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) Since 2 people think I am odd, I will address their points. Yes my children spend hours away from me. They just spent 2.5 hours away from me today. However they never spend days away from me. Well never may be strong, VERY rarely (neutropenic fever and giving birth to the younger one for my older one). The younger one has never had 1 night without me. Though he was frozen for over 5 years so maybe that means that he spent 5 years without me?? When they are ready to fly the nest (and I know they will) I will deal with it. But we are a very close family and they are each other's best friend. I see no reason to change that. ETA Historically, the only people that would leave their child for days at time were the very wealthy or people that had to for extra ordinary circumstances. It wasn't common. And the child would get married and leave the house. I don't see how my position is much different then that. Edited January 21, 2018 by 3 ladybugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) Thanks. Thinking of it as being good for my kids makes me more willing to go. They would love to spend a week with the grandparents. I could have fun and they could have fun- a win for everyone. Eta: all but my youngest have spent some nights away from me. I have never had a night since I have been a parent without at least one of my kids home. I’m not opposed to it, but I guess I would rather start with a weekend just a few hours away. (My youngest will be totally fine without me. He is the most independent of the bunch. He just hasn’t ever had a reason to spend a whole day/night away from me.) Edited January 21, 2018 by lovinmyboys 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 I always wished I had a good place to leave my kids on occasion. Go and enjoy! It will be fine once you are on your way. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) I be the voice of decent. I wouldn't do it. NEVER. I wouldn't want to do it because I don't want to go home and say to my children we saw X and you would have loved it. Also I can't be without my boys. I had to do many cycles of painful, costly IVF to get them. I would have separation anxiety if I did it. I know I would. I would not be able to enjoy the trip (I have ruined trips before when I didn't want to go and I went "for my own good"... though I was 10 at the time). If we couldn't all go, then just DH would go and that would be that. You're not alone. I don't like being away from my kids for more than a few hours or a sleepover at a friend's. This is PERFECTLY normal and natural. Your kids and my kids will still grow up, leave the nest, and we'll all be just fine with that when it makes sense developmentally for them to do so. When they request to spend a few days somewhere, like a camp, we'll be happy to allow that, but so far no interest. Whether or not a person has a healthy marriage is unrelated to the number of nights away they have. My DH and I are both totally homebodies and have never enjoyed sleeping in hotels, even pre-kids. Not every single person/couple/family feels refreshed from long periods apart. To OP, do what feels right! Your kids will be fine either way, YOU will be fine either way, so it's worth taking your DH's opinion into account... maybe he really feels like he needs some one-on-one time, and that's ok, too. ETA: My first extended stay (more than overnight) away from my parents was senior year of high school, when I went to my university's one week camp for accepted students over spring break. I transitioned just fine into an out-of-state university, followed by study abroad, followed by LIVING abroad. Still very close to me mom and wish we weren't so far away... but all that to say, PERFECTLY NORMAL! Edited January 21, 2018 by Monica_in_Switzerland 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 I agree, the kids will be OK. I also agree that I probably would not do this personally. Doesn't make it wrong. I am sure you will make the decision that works best for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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