Dilemmas of Food and in Consideration of the Other People Expecting to Eat as Well

[regentrude]

No, but this is the discussion.  How do we please everyone.  One doesn't want to eat this thing..the other wants that thing.  So the answer was make this wide variety of sides.  But this is very unpractical if we end up with bits of leftovers that don't get eaten. 

 

So why don't they get eaten? Have you discussed this with your family, or brainstormed ways to avoid leftovers and food waste?

I don't find that having smaller amounts of many different foods necessarily leads to more leftovers than having a large amount of one dish. And if I routinely had a lot left over from a certain dish, I'd make less of it the next time.

Edited January 4, 2018 by regentrude

[Bluegoat]

It sounds like your dh is only cooking twice a week anyway.  I'd just figure out an easy way for him to offer some veg with that.  A bagged salad one night, and a bag of frozen roasted veg the other - toss i a little olive oil and balsamic vinegar and roast.

 

Rice a week isn't actually a lot to eat something that you wouldn't cook.  And a little rice or potatoes in a healthy diet is not likely to make someone diabetic.

 

The rest of the week, cook what you want.  Try and include some potatoes as well if that makes sense - it's only one extra dish or pan.

[SparklyUnicorn]

So why don't they get eaten? Have you discussed this with your family, or brainstormed ways to avoid leftovers and food waste?

I don't find that having smaller amounts of many different foods necessarily leads to more leftovers than having a large amount of one dish. And if I routinely had a lot left over from a certain dish, I'd make less of it the next time.

 

Yeah the solution is my kid makes his own food.  I don't want to make 5 sides and have bits of various foods that don't get eaten.  So I don't do that.

[Laurie]

Generally 1-2 times per week. And you’re right - I am the cook with far more experience making sides and having 3-5 things ready at one time such that there are options for everyone.

 

 

I don’t know - I am conflicted about many aspects of this and I feel like I am uncertain what meals I should be planning that will be workable for everyone without taling a lot of extra time and effort to make some great variety of items. I think I am making it harder in my head than it needs to be.

 

 Yes,  I think you're right about making this harder than it needs to be.  

 

First, I can't relate to the Other People cooking part.  My husband hasn't cooked since we got married 25 years ago.   

 

We've had many eating challenges here over the years due to autism-related stuff and health problems like IBS and diabetes.  I routinely cook enough to have leftovers so there's always something someone can/will eat.  Leftovers are my friends!  I also keep containers of cut up vegetables in the refrigerator at all times.  Lock&Lock is my friend...I have a big collection, including green containers that are designated gluten-free!   Having a second refrigerator in the garage is also very helpful because people here don't even drink the same kind of milk so I like being able to store extra cartons of dh's 1% milk, dd's lactose-free milk, and ds's nondairy milk!    Really, many people would probably go crazy or think I had gone crazy if they had to live like this.

 

FWIW, I don't do any fancy meal planning that requires software, apps, or anything.  I keep paper shopping lists and just see what looks good/what's on sale at the grocery store each week.   To keep track of the leftovers I use a paper planning calendar from Boys Town to record the foods I've prepared each day.   (I was so happy when the new one arrived right before Jan. 1!  Thank you, Boys Town!)   

 

I would suggest just cooking more food to have leftovers that you and Other People like to eat and buy more storage containers if you need to.  Lock&Lock can be your friend, too. 

[amy g.]

I feel like it is more rude to expect people to eat whatever is cooked than to eat different food at dinner.

 

I would never want someone to eat what they didn’t like. I’m not willing to do it myself, either.

 

I can’t even imagine how a policy of everyone eats the same things at dinner would work in our family with 2 kids with celiac and one who was a vegetarian for 10 years and another with high blood sugar.

 

I keep the refrigerator stocked with things that different people like.

 

For example, right now, I have some chicken and vegetable soup, black eye pea salad, roasted cabbage, pork chops, steamed broccoli and cauliflower, standing rib roast, green salad, pork chops, huge selection of cheeses, sausage balls and more.

 

I don’t buy bread or potatoes or rice at all. Dh wanted grits over Christmas so he bought and cooked and cleaned up after that meal himself.

 

He can’t stand coconut in any form, but the rest of us should not have to give up incorporating it into our meals.

 

One kid loves shrimp but the others hate it. I’ll probably cook some today for her. I don’t understand why it is rude for the others to grab something they want to eat instead of being asked to choke down something they hate.

 

You and your husband enjoy eating very different foods. Why can’t you each have what you want?

 

I think it shows maturity to change family culture.

 

I think it is modeling healthy relating to say, “Hey, kids, I know that we used to expect everyone to eat what was served, but that just isn’t working any longer.â€

 

How is “cohesive†more important than everyone getting what makes them happy?

[Guest]

You could prepare an extra large portion of the foods you want, save it, and eat that on the days they cook. That way you have your night off cooking and get to eat what you like.

Thta is a very good idea.

[Guest]

I think I would make it very easy to get a big salad onto the table, and I would ask him to always include a salad in the meat/potatoes meals. If he didn't, I would make it myself.

 

Part one: Making it easy--

1. Keep bagged, clean greens of several kinds around

2. Keep several good salad dressings around

3. Keep sliced radishes, celery, and carrots around

4. Ditto nuts

5. Maybe ditto small chunks of sharp cheddar cheese or a package of blue cheese crumbles

 

Part two: Get it out there--

Put dressing in the bottom of a bowl. Add the sliced/chunked cheese and veg. Add greens. Toss thoroughly. Sprinkle with nuts. If this takes more than 3 minutes I'd be very surprised.

I am actually the one who find this hard. It shouldn’t be but it is. I’m not that convenient to any one grocery store and the nearest ones/ones I frequent vary in how good their salad stuff is. There is a Harris Teeter that is pretty much guaranteed to have great produce, but they are not “on the way†to anywhere except DS’ school, which I don’t normally drive to anymore. Mind you, I *go* to this store, because the produce is great; I’m just saying it isn’t convenient because it has to be a separate specific trip of it’s own. (unless DS stops by for me, which happens, but not all the time.)

 

So, anyway, salad greens are often highly perishable. So it is actually difficult to keep the makings of a very good salad always ready. I can only have salads if I get the materials on purpose and plan to eat them within two or three days at the very most.

 

I’m not meaning to shoot down your suggestion, just saying having a fresh salad (at least, during non-garden season) is harder than it seems it would be.

[Carol in Cal.]

I am actually the one who find this hard. It shouldn’t be but it is. I’m not that convenient to any one grocery store and the nearest ones/ones I frequent vary in how good their salad stuff is. There is a Harris Teeter that is pretty much guaranteed to have great produce, but they are not “on the way†to anywhere except DS’ school, which I don’t normally drive to anymore. Mind you, I *go* to this store, because the produce is great; I’m just saying it isn’t convenient because it has to be a separate specific trip of it’s own. (unless DS stops by for me, which happens, but not all the time.)

 

So, anyway, salad greens are often highly perishable. So it is actually difficult to keep the makings of a very good salad always ready. I can only have salads if I get the materials on purpose and plan to eat them within two or three days at the very most.

 

I’m not meaning to shoot down your suggestion, just saying having a fresh salad (at least, during non-garden season) is harder than it seems it would be.

Well, then you have to have a variety of shelf life items and eat them in order of perishability.

 

For instance, arugula on day one, romaine on day two, radicchio on day three, and cabbage on day four, cole slaw on day five, fennel on day six, and jicama on day seven.  That's more planning intensive, but I think still workable.

[Annie G]

Keeping salad stuff on hand (especially in winter) is not easy here. I much prefer to just have roasted veggies if dh and the kids have something I need to 'supplement'. If I know earlier in the day I just chop up the veggies and toss with olive oil and seasonings and put them in a mason jar in the fridge. When dh or ds starts cooking, I just tell the cook to start the oven and toss the veggies in a pan and roast for about a half hour.

 

I always have enough veggies for that, even if I have to pull from the freezer stash. I'm fine with a combo of any of the following: sweet potato, onion, bell pepper, garlic, broccoli, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, carrots, radishes, zucchini, yellow squash, mushrooms...

 

 

[hornblower]

sweet potato, onion, bell pepper, garlic, broccoli, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, carrots, radishes, zucchini, yellow squash, mushrooms...

 

oh  I didn't know you could roast radishes!  I'm going to try that.... 

 

 

And I've realized I've gotten very used to how we live. I can walk to over 5 stores which have fresh produce, including a couple independent mom & pop ethnic shops which arranges all the produce in baskets outside the shop....   We pretty much buy produce & bakery items every day. 

 

fwiw though, the bagged & the tightly sealed box greens though do last pretty well until you open them. They're packed in a low oxygen environment;  that's why they last - they don't oxidize. Just use them up once you open them. I often buy bagged salads because I'm so lazy that prepping one is just often not on my radar.  

[marbel]

I've found that if I remove bagged salad from the bag and put it in a plastic or glass container with a paper towel in the bottom, it will last a few days longer than if I leave it in the bag.

 

And, I've stopped buying "spring mix" unless I know I can use it all right away. There is something in there that goes slimy very quickly!   

[skimomma]

oh  I didn't know you could roast radishes!  I'm going to try that.... 

 

 

 

You can also roast kohlrabi, rutabaga, celeriac, and beets.  I roast up two huge pans every week to graze on or add to meals as a side or part of the main dish.  They are especially good with fried/poached eggs on top as a savory breakfast option.

[Pawz4me]

I've found that if I remove bagged salad from the bag and put it in a plastic or glass container with a paper towel in the bottom, it will last a few days longer than if I leave it in the bag.

 

And, I've stopped buying "spring mix" unless I know I can use it all right away. There is something in there that goes slimy very quickly!   

 

That's what I do -- plastic, lidded container with a paper towel on the bottom and another one on top. I generally go through it very quickly, but it will keep several days that way.

 

ETA: And ditto on the spring mix getting slimy, too!

Edited January 4, 2018 by Pawz4me

[Guest]

Keeping salad stuff on hand (especially in winter) is not easy here. I much prefer to just have roasted veggies if dh and the kids have something I need to 'supplement'. If I know earlier in the day I just chop up the veggies and toss with olive oil and seasonings and put them in a mason jar in the fridge. When dh or ds starts cooking, I just tell the cook to start the oven and toss the veggies in a pan and roast for about a half hour. I always have enough veggies for that, even if I have to pull from the freezer stash. I'm fine with a combo of any of the following: sweet potato, onion, bell pepper, garlic, broccoli, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, carrots, radishes, zucchini, yellow squash, mushrooms...

Yum! I love that!

[Guest]

 

oh I didn't know you could roast radishes! I'm going to try that....

 

 

And I've realized I've gotten very used to how we live. I can walk to over 5 stores which have fresh produce, including a couple independent mom & pop ethnic shops which arranges all the produce in baskets outside the shop.... We pretty much buy produce & bakery items every day.

 

fwiw though, the bagged & the tightly sealed box greens though do last pretty well until you open them. They're packed in a low oxygen environment; that's why they last - they don't oxidize. Just use them up once you open them. I often buy bagged salads because I'm so lazy that prepping one is just often not on my radar.

This is the stuff I fantasize about...

[SparklyUnicorn]

This is the stuff I fantasize about...

 

You and me both.

 

I also fantasize about not having snow.  LOL

[hornblower]

 

 

And, I've stopped buying "spring mix" unless I know I can use it all right away. There is something in there that goes slimy very quickly!   

 

Oh ita about the spring mix! I think it's the red lettuce.  Red lettuce is super fragile and it always goes limp and slimy first in my mixes. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

You can also roast kohlrabi, rutabaga, celeriac, and beets.  I roast up two huge pans every week to graze on or add to meals as a side or part of the main dish.  They are especially good with fried/poached eggs on top as a savory breakfast option.

 

So sad I cannot find kohlrabi or celeriac here.

[Laura Corin]

So sad I cannot find kohlrabi or celeriac here.

 

Celeriac is a staple in supermarkets here but I would have to go to the fancy organic shop for kohlrabi.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

Celeriac is a staple in supermarkets here but I would have to go to the fancy organic shop for kohlrabi.  

 

We've tried growing kohlrabi, but for some reason it often comes out extremely woody. 

[Laura Corin]

We've tried growing kohlrabi, but for some reason it often comes out extremely woody. 

 

I tried to grow it one year but it never plumped up properly.  It's just my lack of skill - it grows down the road from here.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I tried to grow it one year but it never plumped up properly.  It's just my lack of skill - it grows down the road from here.

 

Yeah I'm not sure what it was, but it could be lack of skill for sure.  LOL

 

Once in a great while I can find it in the store (comes from Texas).  It's quite expensive though.  First time I had it was in Germany.

[Catwoman]

As I read this thread, I'm surprised to see that some people only cook what they like, without really considering that other family members might prefer different meals.

 

Personally, I try to cook some of what everyone likes, and if I'm not crazy about a particular dish, I add a few other things so I can have something different. 

 

I don't understand the concept of trying to push my dietary preferences on everyone else in the house. Who am I to tell everyone else that they shouldn't be eating potatoes or meat or whatever? (I actually eat both meat and potatoes, but I was just trying to provide an example.) And it seems mean to tell people that if they want a particular food, they have to cook it themselves. 

 

I am fortunate that my dh and ds aren't picky eaters, but if I were to decide that I was going to change my diet and that they had to eat whatever I ate or else have to cook for themselves, I would think that would be an extremely selfish position to take. Just because I'm doing the cooking doesn't mean I shouldn't be considerate of other family members' preferences.

[ondreeuh]

See I personally don't want to make several sides. I make 2 veg sides. I think that's enough. If someone else wants another side they can make it. Of course they'll also have to wait until I'm done using the stove.

 

It's funny because when everyone else here cooks, they tend to make one side or no sides. They realize how much work it is to actually cook 4 different things and they don't do it. They think nothing of expecting me to do it, but they don't do it. When the older kid cooks dinner, sometimes the only thing he thinks to make is meat. No joke. He runs out of steam when he gets to the sides. LOL

This is why I mostly make soups and other 1-pot meals/casseroles. If i make a separate side dish, it's usually instant mashed potatoes. I don't love to cook, and I don't have a ton of counter space, so I avoid making side dishes unless it's Thanksgiving.

[Guest]

I feel like it is more rude to expect people to eat whatever is cooked than to eat different food at dinner.

 

I would never want someone to eat what they didn’t like. I’m not willing to do it myself, either.

 

I can’t even imagine how a policy of everyone eats the same things at dinner would work in our family with 2 kids with celiac and one who was a vegetarian for 10 years and another with high blood sugar.

 

I keep the refrigerator stocked with things that different people like.

 

For example, right now, I have some chicken and vegetable soup, black eye pea salad, roasted cabbage, pork chops, steamed broccoli and cauliflower, standing rib roast, green salad, pork chops, huge selection of cheeses, sausage balls and more.

 

I don’t buy bread or potatoes or rice at all. Dh wanted grits over Christmas so he bought and cooked and cleaned up after that meal himself.

 

He can’t stand coconut in any form, but the rest of us should not have to give up incorporating it into our meals.

 

One kid loves shrimp but the others hate it. I’ll probably cook some today for her. I don’t understand why it is rude for the others to grab something they want to eat instead of being asked to choke down something they hate.

 

You and your husband enjoy eating very different foods. Why can’t you each have what you want?

 

I think it shows maturity to change family culture.

 

I think it is modeling healthy relating to say, “Hey, kids, I know that we used to expect everyone to eat what was served, but that just isn’t working any longer.â€

 

How is “cohesive†more important than everyone getting what makes them happy?

Well, you obviously have some special circumstances that require special attention. But this way of eating has served us very well all the years our kids were growing up. My kids aren’t picky eaters and none have special dietary needs. DH is not a picky eater and doesn’t have special dietary needs. The truth of it is I am the closest to being a picky eater and I have some special dietary needs. Of course we have to work around that, but nobody, including myself, is being made to “choke down†something they hate. But from time to time, everyone makes some concessions on eating something that is not their favorite. I don’t love pork. But I’m not allergic to it or incapable of eating it; I can eat it to not be an *sshole towards the person who just spent an hour making dinner.

 

I grew up in a free-for-all food culture. I rejected it as an adult. IMO, it did not allow family members any time to interact with each other; we lived like a bunch of co-habitating strangers. Some family members developed quite detrimental eating habits and none of us were eating wholesome food, prepared on purpose, full of nutrients and not a lot of harmful food ingredients, which IMO, is a way bigger problem now than it was in the 70s and 80s. On top of all that, the free-for-all way of eating I was raised with was, I’m guessing, not economically sound. We also had feast-or-famine because when groceries were bought, everyone competed for gobbling up the “goodâ€food, which my mother then would refuse to replenish until the allotted two weeks had passed. Then it was three shopping carts of food again, and everybody gobbling up the “best†food before a different sibling got to eat it all.

 

I’m sure you are not advocating *this.* But to me, that is what the family dinner was meant to depart from. I don’t make food in any way similar to how I grew up eating (except for some special traditions like christmas cookies). I saw the way my MIL did meals and said, “That is what I’m doing when I have a family one day.†Dinner was very social and full of nutritious and delicious food. (I did not even know there were people who made stir-fries from scratch and not from a LaChoy can!)

 

So that’s what we do. From the very beginning, one person cooks a real dinner (most often me). We all eat at the table together. We pray and thank God for our blessings. We talk to each other and look each other in the eye. We would notice if someone was suffering from severe depression, as I was as a teen, which went unnoticed. At the end, we all help clean up from the meal (generally, excepting the cook, though this has changed over time as one or more people are not at home.)

 

I DO like the idea that I could have a frozen portion of something easy to heat up to add to my meal when DH goes Farm Favorite on me. Like a little serving of veggie chili or something.

[SparklyUnicorn]

This is why I mostly make soups and other 1-pot meals/casseroles. If i make a separate side dish, it's usually instant mashed potatoes. I don't love to cook, and I don't have a ton of counter space, so I avoid making side dishes unless it's Thanksgiving.

 

I like one dish meals.  BUT there is no way to make a one dish meal with a kid who won't eat a single vegetable.  I mean this is a non issue at this point in my life since he can cook his own food, but wowsers it's so hard to please everyone.  Sometimes I wish I were a hard @$$.  LOL

[marbel]

<snip>

So that’s what we do. From the very beginning, one person cooks a real dinner (most often me). We all eat at the table together. We pray and thank God for our blessings. We talk to each other and look each other in the eye. We would notice if someone was suffering from severe depression, as I was as a teen, which went unnoticed. At the end, we all help clean up from the meal (generally, excepting the cook, though this has changed over time as one or more people are not at home.)

 

<snip>

 

Quill, what you are describing here is still possible while allowing people to have the foods they like (preferences) and need (medical issues).  There is a huge middle ground between what you grew up with and what people are talking about.  

 

As I said (or think I said, or meant to say), I do 95% of the food work in my family.  I still don't think someone is an *sshole if they fend for themselves when I make something they don't like. We still eat together, pray together, talk together.   Sometimes dinner last a long time because we have a lot to say. What we are each eating has nothing to do with that.

 

If anything allowing people to get something different, or having more small plates of foods that people can eat in combinations they like, makes dinner more enjoyable and more likely to last longer.  

[regentrude]

So that’s what we do. From the very beginning, one person cooks a real dinner (most often me). We all eat at the table together. We pray and thank God for our blessings. We talk to each other and look each other in the eye. We would notice if someone was suffering from severe depression, as I was as a teen, which went unnoticed. At the end, we all help clean up from the meal (generally, excepting the cook, though this has changed over time as one or more people are not at home.)

 

This is how our meal culture is as well, both growing up, and now. These are all wonderful benefits. But you can have all these benefits even when family members sit down at the table together to share a meal that has different foods for different people.  I don't see how these wonderful things are necessarily tied to all people eating the same thing.

[Guest]

No, but this is the discussion. How do we please everyone. One doesn't want to eat this thing..the other wants that thing. So the answer was make this wide variety of sides. But this is very unpractical if we end up with bits of leftovers that don't get eaten.

 

I didn't mean to sound nasty. It's just these are the difficulties when dealing with so many food needs/wants/likes/dislikes. There is no simple answer.

Little miscellaneous bits of leftovers do drive me batty. I am one of those folks who loves the fridge half-empty. It makes me anxious and bothered if there’s a big jumble of stuff in there and I don’t really know what it is anymore. I don’t mind what I might call intentional leftovers, like, I made chilli and I made it knowing it would leave extra and that’s good because I’ll have that for lunch for a couple days. I don’t like the random bits of leftovers that nobody is going to just go eat, like a small pile of baked beans or half an avacado.

 

After Christmas and through NYs, my fridge was driving me batty because of exactly this. There was all kinds of leftover stuff in there from holiday parties, foods we had been given, partial ingredients. That makes me feel anxious. When I cleaned out the fridge on NYD, I actually exclaimed, “Wow! I didn’t know these Hawaiian Meatballs were still in here, or else I would have eaten them!†But I didn’t know because they were smooshed behind the Deer Balogna someone gave us and half a Pumpkin Roll and the remnants of a Party Punch...we even had a gallon of milk go way out of date, which very rarely happens, but it did because it was buried in the spare fridge and nobody saw it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

This is how our meal culture is as well, both growing up, and now. These are all wonderful benefits. But you can have all these benefits even when family members sit down at the table together to share a meal that has different foods for different people.  I don't see how these wonderful things are necessarily tied to all people eating the same thing.

 

See I doubt it is about the fact ppl are eating different foods.  It's about mom being haggard and annoyed with having to prepare so many different foods.  This bugs the heck out of me because cooking is not my only gig.  Heck, on many days, I have very little time to cook at all let alone cater to every whim. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Little miscellaneous bits of leftovers do drive me batty. I am one of those folks who loves the fridge half-empty. It makes me anxious and bothered if there’s a big jumble of stuff in there and I don’t really know what it is anymore. I don’t mind what I might call intentional leftovers, like, I made chilli and I made it knowing it would leave extra and that’s good because I’ll have that for lunch for a couple days. I don’t like the random bits of leftovers that nobody is going to just go eat, like a small pile of baked beans or half an avacado.

 

After Christmas and through NYs, my fridge was driving me batty because of exactly this. There was all kinds of leftover stuff in there from holiday parties, foods we had been given, partial ingredients. That makes me feel anxious. When I cleaned out the fridge on NYD, I actually exclaimed, “Wow! I didn’t know these Hawaiian Meatballs were still in here, or else I would have eaten them!†But I didn’t know because they were smooshed behind the Deer Balogna someone gave us and half a Pumpkin Roll and the remnants of a Party Punch...we even had a gallon of milk go way out of date, which very rarely happens, but it did because it was buried in the spare fridge and nobody saw it.

 

Yep.   I just cleaned out my fridge about an hour ago.  Lots of bits of food that were made to please everyone.  Including my dad who is probably the biggest food thorn in my side.  He won't eat leftovers and the foods he eats I won't eat.  So it gets tossed.  Makes me mad.

[Guest]

This is how our meal culture is as well, both growing up, and now. These are all wonderful benefits. But you can have all these benefits even when family members sit down at the table together to share a meal that has different foods for different people. I don't see how these wonderful things are necessarily tied to all people eating the same thing.

I’m sure that is not lost if the different-eater is not making a deal of it, but I can see where it could go that way, if the cook made a nice, thoughtful and effortful meal, but one or more people do not partake of the meal but go make his or her own food. It’s not a far leap from there to the cook swearing off cooking because what is the point? Nobody is eating this anyway. Might as well have made poptarts.

 

I have a notion that something like this was actually why my mother stopped cooking real dinners. (That, plus my dad would not eat apart from watching the TV, which would not fly with me, either and was also a rule I made from before marriage. No TV on/in view of dinner table. Full stop.)

[regentrude]

See I doubt it is about the fact ppl are eating different foods.  It's about mom being haggard and annoyed with having to prepare so many different foods.  This bugs the heck out of me because cooking is not my only gig.  Heck, on many days, I have very little time to cook at all let alone cater to every whim. 

 

OK, see, it has never bothered me that I am the cook of the family. I work fewer hours than DH, so it' s kind of obvious that I would do the larger share of housework. I like food.

I also don't have a lot of time to cook; on weekdays I cook during lunch break, so no meal may take more than 30 minutes prep to table. Elaborate complicated meals have to wait until weekends.

[Carol in Cal.]

Little miscellaneous bits of leftovers do drive me batty. I am one of those folks who loves the fridge half-empty. It makes me anxious and bothered if there’s a big jumble of stuff in there and I don’t really know what it is anymore. I don’t mind what I might call intentional leftovers, like, I made chilli and I made it knowing it would leave extra and that’s good because I’ll have that for lunch for a couple days. I don’t like the random bits of leftovers that nobody is going to just go eat, like a small pile of baked beans or half an avacado.

 

After Christmas and through NYs, my fridge was driving me batty because of exactly this. There was all kinds of leftover stuff in there from holiday parties, foods we had been given, partial ingredients. That makes me feel anxious. When I cleaned out the fridge on NYD, I actually exclaimed, “Wow! I didn’t know these Hawaiian Meatballs were still in here, or else I would have eaten them!†But I didn’t know because they were smooshed behind the Deer Balogna someone gave us and half a Pumpkin Roll and the remnants of a Party Punch...we even had a gallon of milk go way out of date, which very rarely happens, but it did because it was buried in the spare fridge and nobody saw it.

 

You might consider doing what my inlaws do and having a leftovers meal weekly or so.  They get out all the 'bits' and put them on the table, along with a couple of cheeses and 2-3 kinds of crackers in case someone doesn't find a favorite.  Those are some of their most fun meals, honestly, because the little 'bits' drive more interaction and also memories.

 

Also, I used to find 'science experiment' foods in my fridge more often than I would care to admit, until I started using clear glass canning jars for left overs.  Now I can generally see what I have, and also you can heat up the food right in the jars if necessary.  A relative with a really big family also keeps two magnetic shopping lists on the fridge--one for shopping, and one to list out what leftovers go inside.

[regentrude]

Little miscellaneous bits of leftovers do drive me batty. I am one of those folks who loves the fridge half-empty. It makes me anxious and bothered if there’s a big jumble of stuff in there and I don’t really know what it is anymore. I don’t mind what I might call intentional leftovers, like, I made chilli and I made it knowing it would leave extra and that’s good because I’ll have that for lunch for a couple days. I don’t like the random bits of leftovers that nobody is going to just go eat, like a small pile of baked beans or half an avacado.

 

After Christmas and through NYs, my fridge was driving me batty because of exactly this. There was all kinds of leftover stuff in there from holiday parties, foods we had been given, partial ingredients. That makes me feel anxious. When I cleaned out the fridge on NYD, I actually exclaimed, “Wow! I didn’t know these Hawaiian Meatballs were still in here, or else I would have eaten them!†But I didn’t know because they were smooshed behind the Deer Balogna someone gave us and half a Pumpkin Roll and the remnants of a Party Punch...we even had a gallon of milk go way out of date, which very rarely happens, but it did because it was buried in the spare fridge and nobody saw it.

 

LOL. I love having a fridge full of leftovers. Gives me a feeling of abundance. And it means I don't have to think about meals the next day or two - if there are leftovers, they get set out and everybody finds something they like. Heaven! And it also means they don't hang out in the fridge until they are forgotten.

 

We have almost finished the leftovers from our New years Eve party (the party where I cooked for 20 and 3 came). Several dinners were taken care of, I had quiche for breakfast, it's divine.

Edited January 4, 2018 by regentrude

[Guest]

LOL. I love having a fridge full of leftovers. Gives me a feeling of abundance. And it means I don't have to think about meals the next day or two - if there are leftovers, they get set out and everybody finds something they like. Heaven! And it also means they don't hang out in the fridge until they are forgotten.

 

We have almost finished the leftovers from our New years Eve party (the party where I cooked for 20 and 3 came). Several dinners were taken care of, I had quiche for breakfast, it's divine.

I remember it talked about this in that Habit book by Gretchen Rubin or whatever her name is. How some people like things full while others like them emptier. How some people like the new toothpaste tube when it is full of potential, while others like squeezing out the last drop when they have gotten all the use from it they can.

[marbel]

I’m sure that is not lost if the different-eater is not making a deal of it, but I can see where it could go that way, if the cook made a nice, thoughtful and effortful meal, but one or more people do not partake of the meal but go make his or her own food. It’s not a far leap from there to the cook swearing off cooking because what is the point? Nobody is eating this anyway. Might as well have made poptarts.

 

I have a notion that something like this was actually why my mother stopped cooking real dinners. (That, plus my dad would not eat apart from watching the TV, which would not fly with me, either and was also a rule I made from before marriage. No TV on/in view of dinner table. Full stop.)

 

This sounds more like the cook is making a deal of it, by being offended that the food they prepared is not to the other diners' liking.  Maybe I'm not getting you.  But anyway, couldn't this be resolved by simple communication with all parties involved?  Something like, "Hey guys, we have all grown to have so many different food preferences and needs, let's figure out how we can do things better."  And see what people say.  

 

I do agree that it's frustrating to have cooked a huge meal and have no one like it, and then be stuck with leftovers that can't be eaten fast enough before they go bad.  So that's where it seems it would be wise to look at the whole picture of meal preparation and adjust.

[regentrude]

I remember it talked about this in that Habit book by Gretchen Rubin or whatever her name is. How some people like things full while others like them emptier. How some people like the new toothpaste tube when it is full of potential, while others like squeezing out the last drop when they have gotten all the use from it they can.

 

I normally am more the type who likes empty. I don't like my fridge stuffed with raw ingredients, or a pantry fit for a prepper. There I prefer less. IT gives me a great sense of satisfaction to finish a container of something.

This is specifically about leftovers, which are so much better than raw ingredients because they harbor the gift of instant gratification :)

Edited January 4, 2018 by regentrude

[Guest]

You might consider doing what my inlaws do and having a leftovers meal weekly or so. They get out all the 'bits' and put them on the table, along with a couple of cheeses and 2-3 kinds of crackers in case someone doesn't find a favorite. Those are some of their most fun meals, honestly, because the little 'bits' drive more interaction and also memories.

 

Also, I used to find 'science experiment' foods in my fridge more often than I would care to admit, until I started using clear glass canning jars for left overs. Now I can generally see what I have, and also you can heat up the food right in the jars if necessary. A relative with a really big family also keeps two magnetic shopping lists on the fridge--one for shopping, and one to list out what leftovers go inside.

We do have a leftover night when small amounts of different meals are left, but it’s certain side items that don’t get eaten, not “mealâ€leftovers so much.

 

I did train my kids in the last couple years to date and lable leftovers. Then at least it isn’t a mystery how old this thing is. But they don’t always follow that perfectly and sometimes it doesn’t help just because of the buried-in-the-back problem.

[regentrude]

We do have a leftover night when small amounts of different meals are left, but it’s certain side items that don’t get eaten, not “mealâ€leftovers so much.

 

I did train my kids in the last couple years to date and lable leftovers. Then at least it isn’t a mystery how old this thing is. But they don’t always follow that perfectly and sometimes it doesn’t help just because of the buried-in-the-back problem.

 

One trick that eliminates this leftover problem is leaving things in their pots (I grew up without tupperware or food storage containers). You can't lose a pot in the fridge, and you need the pot empty before cooking something new, so the leftovers get eaten before new stuff is cooked.

Edited January 4, 2018 by regentrude

[marbel]

One thing that helped me with losing food in the back of the fridge was getting rid of the extra fridge.  (In our case, it was old anyway, and our gas/electric supplier was offering to haul old refrigerators away and give us cash to boot!)  It was a tough adjustment at first, but has been so much better since we got used to having only the one fridge.

 

Now in addition to the fridge in the kitchen, in the laundry room we have a small beer fridge that a student who was moving away gave us. So the regular fridge is not cluttered with beer and seltzer water.  We have to go through the fridge periodically simply because there is less room.

[amy g.]

We have a family culture of eating at the dining room table with cloth tablecloths and cloth napkins with no screens, talking to each other and looking each other in the eye without everyone eating the same things.

 

After all, when you sit down, as a family, at a nice restaurant everyone might be eating different dishes but that doesn’t keep it from being an enjoyable, bonding experience.

 

If I make shrimp for dinner tonight and my 19 year old heats up some leftover chicken soup and sits at the table and interacts with everyone, I definitely would not consider her an *sshole.

[unsinkable]

As I read this thread, I'm surprised to see that some people only cook what they like, without really considering that other family members might prefer different meals.

 

Personally, I try to cook some of what everyone likes, and if I'm not crazy about a particular dish, I add a few other things so I can have something different.

 

I don't understand the concept of trying to push my dietary preferences on everyone else in the house. Who am I to tell everyone else that they shouldn't be eating potatoes or meat or whatever? (I actually eat both meat and potatoes, but I was just trying to provide an example.) And it seems mean to tell people that if they want a particular food, they have to cook it themselves.

 

I am fortunate that my dh and ds aren't picky eaters, but if I were to decide that I was going to change my diet and that they had to eat whatever I ate or else have to cook for themselves, I would think that would be an extremely selfish position to take. Just because I'm doing the cooking doesn't mean I shouldn't be considerate of other family members' preferences.

I agree. I want my family to eat. I swore I would never fight with my kids about food. And I haven't. Some days that feels like my only success as a mom. :lol:

 

That and letting them play any instruments they wanted.

 

Woohoo! I'm for 2/1,000,000!

[Guest]

This sounds more like the cook is making a deal of it, by being offended that the food they prepared is not to the other diners' liking. Maybe I'm not getting you. But anyway, couldn't this be resolved by simple communication with all parties involved? Something like, "Hey guys, we have all grown to have so many different food preferences and needs, let's figure out how we can do things better." And see what people say.

 

I do agree that it's frustrating to have cooked a huge meal and have no one like it, and then be stuck with leftovers that can't be eaten fast enough before they go bad. So that's where it seems it would be wise to look at the whole picture of meal preparation and adjust.

Well, sure, but if I am the cook, I would take offense at this. I would say, “Look, people, I have better things to do than prepare a meal and have people go off and make a PBJ or chicken nuggets or whatever.†If at least the majority of my offered meal is not being eaten by the people I’m serving, I’m not going to bother. I don’t hate to cook, but 90% of the enjoyment of it is having it be enjoyed by the people I’m serving. When I make food for other people, I want them to be happy.

 

We don’t have vastly different food preferences or needs. Sure, this kid needs a lot of protein and this kid wouldn’t eat shrimp on a dare and that kid will eat any vegetable except please, no, never a pea! And if everyone else wants cheese on the broccoli, they have to let me reserve mine out first cause that is the last thing my belly needs is a cheese sauce. So, yes, there are all those things, but the main issue, the one that prompted this post, is just that I am changing. I don’t want so much heavy food anymore. And I am having (or was having) a hard time seeing exactly what is fair to expect. But I think I’m kinda seeing some ways now.

[barnwife]

I normally am more the type who likes empty. I don't like my fridge stuffed with raw ingredients, or a pantry fit for a prepper. There I prefer less. IT gives me a great sense of satisfaction to finish a container of something.

This is specifically about leftovers, which are so much better than raw ingredients because they harbor the gift of instant gratification :)

This is me, exactly, too.

 

Recently we went to visit my parents. I had a couple apples and maybe a couple string cheeses that I wanted to put in the fridge. Yeah...I couldn't fit the apples. My mom's fridge stresses me out because it's so full. There is not one open inch of space.

 

I don't get it as it's just her and my dad. But it works for them!

 

OP, I don't have any ideas that I haven't seen already suggested, but I hope you can can an easy solution.

[Guest]

One thing that helped me with losing food in the back of the fridge was getting rid of the extra fridge. (In our case, it was old anyway, and our gas/electric supplier was offering to haul old refrigerators away and give us cash to boot!) It was a tough adjustment at first, but has been so much better since we got used to having only the one fridge.

 

Now in addition to the fridge in the kitchen, in the laundry room we have a small beer fridge that a student who was moving away gave us. So the regular fridge is not cluttered with beer and seltzer water. We have to go through the fridge periodically simply because there is less room.

Yeah, but there’s the extra milks thing, the eggs (which someone will now say need not be refrigerated...) and the parties. Everyone but me drinks milk and I often buy five milks at a time so they last the week. (It is a bit less with DD away and will probably decrease a good bit when DS18 goes somewhere. But for now, always need back up milks.) And then, parties. I can’t make enough foor dor parties using just my kitchen fridge.

[LucyStoner]

So why don't they get eaten? Have you discussed this with your family, or brainstormed ways to avoid leftovers and food waste?

I don't find that having smaller amounts of many different foods necessarily leads to more leftovers than having a large amount of one dish. And if I routinely had a lot left over from a certain dish, I'd make less of it the next time.

 

Here, leftovers are banished unless we can reuse them (i.e. leftover spaghetti sauce becomes lasagna or pizza) OR my husband will take them to work for lunch.  It wasn't always like this but with 7 people and a very small fridge and minimal freezer space, nothing goes into the fridge that I don't have a plan to take out and use.  If I don't see a use for it, I post it as a flash give on my local Buy Nothing Group or I throw it away.  We plan meals VERY carefully here because, well, 7 people, 4 kids, 3 autistic kids and a tight budget make it necessary.  I don't make a habit of wasting food.  But I would rather give away the leftover fish soup and leftover biscuits or throw away a little bit of extra rice that doesn't match with a meal I have planned in a couple of days than find a mold experiment ferreted away in the back of the fridge.  

[Storygirl]

Quill, do you think your husband would be offended if you added a salad (or whatever) to the meal that he made? Is this an issue for him, or only for you? And would he add vegetables to his meal if you asked him to? I'm wondering if adding an additional component to the meal to please one person is a problem from your perspective only, or if your husband is bothered as well.

 

I understand the idea that people should eat what is served to them, without complaining. We have taught that to our children. I get it! I wouldn't like it it someone made a PB&J sandwich and rejected the meal that I've made. Even so, I understand and work around the food preferences of our family members when I'm planning and preparing meals, so that everyone has enough on his or her plate that he or she is willing to eat and can finish the meal being satisfied. I have one child who is picky about fruit, for example, so we allow him to substitute applesauce if he doesn't like what is offered. There are ways to do this that don't end up with the cook being offended and without it becoming a free for all.

 

 

 

[eternalsummer]

No, but this is the discussion.  How do we please everyone.  One doesn't want to eat this thing..the other wants that thing.  So the answer was make this wide variety of sides.  But this is very unpractical if we end up with bits of leftovers that don't get eaten. 

 

I didn't mean to sound nasty.  It's just these are the difficulties when dealing with so many food needs/wants/likes/dislikes.  There is no simple answer. 

 

 

This I don't get.  If dinner is something anyone likes at all around here (and it always is - someone likes it), leftovers are the first thing that get eaten, because the alternative is snacky food like crackers and bean dip and veggies or cooking, and leftovers are preferable in every way to cooking.

 

If we have leftovers of anything that last more than a day, I know not to make that thing again for a good long time.

 

The exception is plain white rice - cannot for the life of me get that stuff to taste good later.  I do make it into rice pudding after a few days.

[regentrude]

Here, leftovers are banished unless we can reuse them... But I would rather give away the leftover fish soup and leftover biscuits or throw away a little bit of extra rice that doesn't match with a meal I have planned in a couple of days than find a mold experiment ferreted away in the back of the fridge.  

 

I understand the issue with the small fridge but am puzzled: why can't you simply eat the leftovers at the next meal?