Increasing calories and weight gain

[Night Elf]

DH couldn't answer this. I've been living with a restrictive diet for years to maintain a low weight. Not too long ago I purposefully started eating more to gain a few pounds, then went back to my low calorie eating to prevent anymore weight gain. I don't eat much at one sitting but I do eat small things all day long. I've been staying under 1200 calories 1) because I do not want to gain anymore weight, and 2) because I'm totally sedentary. Honestly. However, I'd like to increase my calories because I'm worrying I eat too little. But if I increase my calories, won't I gain weight? And when will that even out? I've gained 2 lbs. over the past week by eating about 1400-1500 calories. If I stay with that calorie range, will my weight gain stop and then as long as I stay at that calorie level I'll maintain? What I'm afraid will happen is I will continue to gain weight and it will never even out and get to the point where I just maintain. I guess you call it a set point. I don't want to get too high. If I start gaining too much weight, I'll go back down to the 1200 calories.

 

I am thinking about starting to walk again, but I only walk at about 3.5 on the treadmill because if I walk faster my toe and knee start to hurt. And yes I've seen doctors about both and they said they couldn't do much for me.

[wintermom]

Firstly, I'd recommend adding in some exercise. Being "totally sedentary" isn't that healthy in the long-term no matter what your weight is. If you decide to add in a regular program of some kind of physical movement, then your eating habits will likely need to change. 

 

Otherwise, it seems that 1200 calories in the form you've been eating them was just right for maintaining your previous weight with no exercise. You'll have to spend some time monitoring your eating and weight to see if you continue to gain when you stay at the 1400 calories range. 

[lmrich]

If you have access to a pool try swimming. I started a month ago because of my foot - can't walk around the block without pain. It took about two weeks or 12 visits to get the swimming rhythm down. Swimming is not only great exercise, it is also such a great brain break. You really employ the idea of mindfulness while swimming. 

[eagleynne]

DH couldn't answer this. I've been living with a restrictive diet for years to maintain a low weight. Not too long ago I purposefully started eating more to gain a few pounds, then went back to my low calorie eating to prevent anymore weight gain. I don't eat much at one sitting but I do eat small things all day long. I've been staying under 1200 calories 1) because I do not want to gain anymore weight, and 2) because I'm totally sedentary. Honestly. However, I'd like to increase my calories because I'm worrying I eat too little. But if I increase my calories, won't I gain weight? And when will that even out? I've gained 2 lbs. over the past week by eating about 1400-1500 calories. If I stay with that calorie range, will my weight gain stop and then as long as I stay at that calorie level I'll maintain? What I'm afraid will happen is I will continue to gain weight and it will never even out and get to the point where I just maintain. I guess you call it a set point. I don't want to get too high. If I start gaining too much weight, I'll go back down to the 1200 calories.

 

I am thinking about starting to walk again, but I only walk at about 3.5 on the treadmill because if I walk faster my toe and knee start to hurt. And yes I've seen doctors about both and they said they couldn't do much for me.

You need to figure out how much you want to weigh and then figure out how many calories you need to eat to maintain that for your activity level. There are calculators online that can do that for you. I like the ones here: http://www.calculator.net/ideal-weight-calculator.html?ctype=standard&cage=36&csex=f&cheightfeet=5&cheightinch=9&cheightmeter=180&printit=0&x=61&y=2

 

First use the "ideal weight calculator" to get an idea of what would be a good weight for you (read the whole page, it describes the limitations of this type of calculation).

 

Next click on the "calorie counter" button and use that to figure the number of calories needed to maintain the weight you got from the first calculator.

 

And remember, these are all just guides meant to give you an idea of your healthy weight. Only you and your doctor can determine specifics for your situation.

[J-rap]

Also, once you reach menopause, your metabolism will change and things will need to be readjusted.  Just a head's up!

Edited August 13, 2017 by J-rap

[SparklyUnicorn]

1200 doesn't sound extreme to me either way

 

 

[maize]

I'm another who is going to recommend exercise for overall health, especially brain health. Try different things until you find something you can do without hurting.

 

I don't know the answer to your question, I'm tandem nursing and physically active and maintain weight at about 4,000 calories per day. Living a sedentary life though puts you at risk of so many physical and mental health problems that I would put energy into addressing that--and it should absolutely allow you to eat more calories and maintain a healthy weight.

 

Read this book:

 

 

https://www.amazon.com/Spark-Revolutionary-Science-Exercise-Brain/dp/0316113514

Edited August 13, 2017 by maize

[maize]

Walking at 3.5 on the treadmill counts as exercise!

 

Have you tried barefoot running (or a barefoot style in minimalist shoes)? Those of my family members who experience pain when running with a heel strike have no trouble with a barefoot style stride, though it takes some adjustment.

 

Cheap water shoes work if you don't want to go barefoot and don't want to or can't invest in expensive shoes right away. I use a $5.00 Wal-Mart pair.

[Night Elf]

Walking at 3.5 on the treadmill counts as exercise!

 

Have you tried barefoot running (or a barefoot style in minimalist shoes)? Those of my family members who experience pain when running with a heel strike have no trouble with a barefoot style stride, though it takes some adjustment.

 

Cheap water shoes work if you don't want to go barefoot and don't want to or can't invest in expensive shoes right away. I use a $5.00 Wal-Mart pair.

 

It's not my heels. It's my big toe on the right foot, and my knee on my left leg. I did exercises for my knee but they didn't help at all. As long as I don't overuse it, it doesn't hurt. The doctor who looked at my big toe told me it was a touch of arthritis but didn't mean that I'd have a serious problem with it. There's no way to tell. So she had no advice for me except if it starts hurting, stop what I'm doing. I like good sound medical advice. :)

Edited August 13, 2017 by Night Elf

[maize]

It's not my heels. It's my big toe on the right foot, and my knee on my left leg. I did exercises for my knee but they didn't help at all. As long as I don't overuse it, it doesn't hurt. The doctor who looked at my big toe told me it was a touch of arthritis but didn't mean that I'd have a serious problem with it. There's no way to tell. So she had no advice for me except if it starts hurting, stop what I'm doing. I like good sound medical advice. :)

A fore or mid foot strike changes the way the entire foot and leg are working, so it may be worth trying walking or running that way. My brother always had foot pain until he changed his stride--not in the heel, kind of throughout the foot.

 

But you can try other things! Swimming is pretty much no impact, often helpful for arthritis etc. Rowing (on water or with a machine) can be a good workout. Weight lifting, including body weight exercises. Elipticals (there's a little mini eliptical device that will fit under a desk!) there are even outdoor eliptical bikes. Biking or spinning. Rock climbing. Kayaking. Skating. Dancing.

 

Really, with exercise, try a bunch of stuff and see what works for you and fits into your lifestyle.

Edited August 13, 2017 by maize

[Guinevere]

Since you are worried about your size, what if you switch to focus on measurements instead of weight?  Then the weight that will come with increased muscle mass won't be upsetting to you.  

 

After that, pick an exercise, and find out how much you need to do to burn 20-50 calories.  Maybe it's just 20 jumping jacks, and then you can feel okay eating another 50 calories, or whatever.  I'm just making up number on that.  Then you can increase very slowly, but still keep mental control over the in and out aspect.  

[Night Elf]

This thought is in response to the conversation DH and I had recently. Both he and the first counselor I saw think I have an eating disorder because I'm so focused on the number on the scale, restrict the foods I eat especially based on what number is on the scale in the morning, and that I think about food all day, as in what is the next thing I can eat and when can I eat it. 

 

I've done some research and I'm trying to figure this out myself. I'm adding in more calories than I normally eat and am gaining a little more weight. I can't go all out though and gain big. I just can't do it. I am not underweight and have no desire to be so. I don't care about sizes in my clothing too much although I certainly don't want to go up 2 or more sizes.

 

I recently asked the board about veggies because I'm bored with the ones I eat. I wanted to branch out. They are very low calorie but they make great snacks. Although I think about food all day, I do not allow myself to become hungry. 

 

As for exercise, I hear all of you. This isn't my first thread where posts started becoming about exercise. My problem is that I HATE exercise. I do not like to sweat and I do not like to breathe hard. Those are just terrible in my opinion. I have always been like this. I was the kid who sat out of the ball games the other kids played. I was super skinny so no exercise didn't affect me. I even got in trouble in high school when I told my female PE teacher that I refused to sweat like a boy. I think I offended her. I didn't mean to. I just didn't like to exercise. I did the bare minimum just to pass the class, sitting out as much as I could.

 

I will not join groups like for yoga or zumba or anything like that. I only know of one pool in my area and you have to be a member to use it and I don't really swim, more like move my arms and legs in a motion and hope I move forward. So no, swimming won't work. I'm certainly not interested in having a swim coach. Egads!!

 

The treadmill is the only exercise I like because I can watch one of my tv shows and the time passes by quickly. I do not feel good when I finish exercising, more like relief that it's over for another day or two. Sometimes I'm even angry when I'm done and I think it's because I'm feeling forced to do it. DH doesn't push but he encourages me. He's a runner and loves it. He doesn't understand how I can hate it so much.

 

I used to belong to the YMCA but it's too expensive when I can't guarantee I'll make a commitment to go in and use their machines. There is a gym across the street that my dd and her boyfriend belong to but it's huge and there are always so many cars parked in the lot. Dd says she always has to wait for machines. I don't think I could work out there because I'd feel like people were watching me and that makes me extremely uncomfortable.

 

So yeah, I'm sedentary naturally. I managed to lose 55 lbs. by diet alone and that made me happy. However, I am thinking about getting back on the treadmill again, at least 3 times a week. 3.5 mph is a slow walk for my long legs and I don't sweat or breathe hard. I just have a hard time finding the motivation to do it.

[Night Elf]

Since you are worried about your size, what if you switch to focus on measurements instead of weight?  Then the weight that will come with increased muscle mass won't be upsetting to you.  

 

After that, pick an exercise, and find out how much you need to do to burn 20-50 calories.  Maybe it's just 20 jumping jacks, and then you can feel okay eating another 50 calories, or whatever.  I'm just making up number on that.  Then you can increase very slowly, but still keep mental control over the in and out aspect.  

 

The only part of my body I don't like is my stomach. I come from a line of women with an apple shape and as they age their stomachs become really big. I honestly feel like I look pregnant though DH denies it. Both my mom and her sister have big stomachs and skinny arms and legs. That's what I have to look forward to. I feel like if I keep my weight down, I can avoid that shape as I age.

[nevergiveup]

Frankly, you have posted about this in the past.

Unless you get on top of your eating disorder or perceived eating disorder, there is no right answer as to what you should be eating, how much you should be eating, or what size you should be.

You have to get comfortable with yourself first and from your other posts, it does not sound like you are there yet.

[amy g.]

Would it be possible for you to get rid of the scale and use a pair of jeans to gage your size?

 

There are so many factors that cause temporary weight gain that it seems like it would be frustrating to use it as a guideline for how much to eat.

 

I'd suggest trying to be a little active while not weighing at all or counting calories but try listening to your hunger signals.

Edited August 13, 2017 by amy g.

[Night Elf]

Frankly, you have posted about this in the past.

Unless you get on top of your eating disorder or perceived eating disorder, there is no right answer as to what you should be eating, how much you should be eating, or what size you should be.

You have to get comfortable with yourself first and from your other posts, it does not sound like you are there yet.

 

I completely understand what you're saying. My question though seems to be unanswerable. I have maintained my weight within a 2 lb range for 5 years eating the way I do. DH thinks I eat too little and that I can maintain weight at a higher daily calorie intake. So I increased my calories but it caused my weight to go up. What I wanted to know was if I stay at this calorie level, can I maintain this new weight or will my weight increase even more? I don't want to stay at this new calorie level if my weight is going to continue going up and up. That just seems ridiculous for someone in my position. I'd rather stay at the low calorie and maintain my weight. I don't want to lose anymore. I just don't want to gain more than a few lbs. I am okay with what I weigh right now but I don't want it higher. I know eating disorders are bad but gaining weight just to gain makes no sense to me.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I completely understand what you're saying. My question though seems to be unanswerable. I have maintained my weight within a 2 lb range for 5 years eating the way I do. DH thinks I eat too little and that I can maintain weight at a higher daily calorie intake. So I increased my calories but it caused my weight to go up. What I wanted to know was if I stay at this calorie level, can I maintain this new weight or will my weight increase even more? I don't want to stay at this new calorie level if my weight is going to continue going up and up. That just seems ridiculous for someone in my position. I'd rather stay at the low calorie and maintain my weight. I don't want to lose anymore. I just don't want to gain more than a few lbs. I am okay with what I weigh right now but I don't want it higher. I know eating disorders are bad but gaining weight just to gain makes no sense to me.

 

If you are comfortable with the amount you are eating (meaning you aren't hungry all the time and getting the nutrients you need) and maintaining a healthy weight, it should not matter that the amount you eat looks like it is too little.  If he is comparing what you eat to what he eats he could be WAY off in his thinking.  My husband probably eats 3x as much as I do, but he's a heck of a lot bigger and taller and a man. 

 

Honest, 1200 is not excessively low. 

[regentrude]

If you are comfortable with the amount you are eating (meaning you aren't hungry all the time and getting the nutrients you need) and maintaining a healthy weight, it should not matter that the amount you eat looks like it is too little.  If he is comparing what you eat to what he eats he could be WAY off in his thinking.  My husband probably eats 3x as much as I do, but he's a heck of a lot bigger and taller and a man. 

 

Honest, 1200 is not excessively low. 

 

1200 is quite low.

However, it does not sound as if the OP is comfortable with her eating. She said

 

"Both he and the first counselor I saw think I have an eating disorder because I'm so focused on the number on the scale, restrict the foods I eat especially based on what number is on the scale in the morning, and that I think about food all day, as in what is the next thing I can eat and when can I eat it. "

 

That is not being "comfortable". Throwing away the scale and just eating without "restricting" herself may be in order.

[SparklyUnicorn]

1200 is quite low.

However, it does not sound as if the OP is comfortable with her eating. She said

 

"Both he and the first counselor I saw think I have an eating disorder because I'm so focused on the number on the scale, restrict the foods I eat especially based on what number is on the scale in the morning, and that I think about food all day, as in what is the next thing I can eat and when can I eat it. "

 

That is not being "comfortable". Throwing away the scale and just eating without "restricting" herself may be in order.

 

Yeah maybe.  It is on the low side, but then I sometimes encounter people who say nutty stuff like they eat 800 a day!  So 1200 is low, but not CRAZY low.

[regentrude]

I completely understand what you're saying. My question though seems to be unanswerable. I have maintained my weight within a 2 lb range for 5 years eating the way I do. DH thinks I eat too little and that I can maintain weight at a higher daily calorie intake. So I increased my calories but it caused my weight to go up. What I wanted to know was if I stay at this calorie level, can I maintain this new weight or will my weight increase even more? I don't want to stay at this new calorie level if my weight is going to continue going up and up. That just seems ridiculous for someone in my position. I'd rather stay at the low calorie and maintain my weight. I don't want to lose anymore. I just don't want to gain more than a few lbs. I am okay with what I weigh right now but I don't want it higher. I know eating disorders are bad but gaining weight just to gain makes no sense to me.

 

I think it is entirely possible that, when your body realizes that it does not have to hang on to every additional calorie it now finally gets, it will stop storing it and find a new set point. 

 

Maintaining weight within a 2lb range consistently must be exhausting and cost a lot of thought and energy because the normal fluctuations during the female cycle can already be up to 5 lbs in water weight.

 

I think if your counselor recommends this, you should try. And the first thing should be to throw away the scale so the number cannot feed your eating disorder.

[regentrude]

 I've gained 2 lbs. over the past week by eating about 1400-1500 calories.

 

You are aware that weight fluctuates during the cycle by more than 2 lbs, right?

 

If you ate 1200 calories before, and have increased to 1500, that means you consume 300 calories more per day, and over the course of 7 days, 2,100 more calories.

One lb of fat has 3,500 calories. It is not possible that 2,100 calories have translated into 2 lbs of fat, even if every single extra calorie were stored (which it isn't) - it would be only enough calories for 0.6 lb of fat.

[FaithManor]

You are aware that weight fluctuates during the cycle by more than 2 lbs, right?

 

If you ate 1200 calories before, and have increased to 1500, that means you consume 300 calories more per day, and over the course of 7 days, 2,100 more calories.

One lb of fat has 3,500 calories. It is not possible that 2,100 calories have translated into 2 lbs of fat, even if every single extra calorie were stored (which it isn't) - it would be only enough calories for 0.6 lb of fat.

Agreed. Water retention fluctuation is the culprit.

 

OP you asked about veggies. I am not sure what you are snacking on, but I love cut up red pepper and dried green beans which have a nice flavor and are very crisp.

 

You could also try carrying cashews and almonds around with you. They provide good fats, lots of nutrients, and just a few makes a nice snack. A handful of almonds is nothing to worry about diet wise. They are higher on the calorie end so you would be "eating more" but yet not something to worry about, and heart healthy....try to focus on specific health things like eating for your heart or to regulate blood sugar, or assist with hereditary conditions in your medical history.

 

I hope you do well in counseling.

[maize]

OP, if the eating disorder is manifesting as an obsession with food and weight (even if you are at a normal weight) then the question you asked here is probably stemming from that disorder and any answer we give will not help you overcome it.

 

I am sorry, obsessions can be so all consuming of our time and mental resources :(

 

You mentioned a therapist; what have they recommended?

 

I can't tell you exactly how many calories to eat to achieve a particular result. I think you would be better served by asking yourself "what can I do today that promotes health and happiness?"

 

And I would get rid of the scale.

Edited August 13, 2017 by maize

[mamaraby]

You are aware that weight fluctuates during the cycle by more than 2 lbs, right?

 

If you ate 1200 calories before, and have increased to 1500, that means you consume 300 calories more per day, and over the course of 7 days, 2,100 more calories.

One lb of fat has 3,500 calories. It is not possible that 2,100 calories have translated into 2 lbs of fat, even if every single extra calorie were stored (which it isn't) - it would be only enough calories for 0.6 lb of fat.

This. There are so many confounding factors that can go right along with the number on the scale. More carbohydrates than usual? More salt? Weighed after exercise? Slightly dehydrated in the past and now well hydrated? Close to the next cycle? Holding on to extra water weight for reasons?

 

The number on the scale says nothing about fat gain within a week. You can look at trends over time (meaning longer than the last week) and draw conclusions that way if you back that up with other measures like how your clothes fit or other measurements, but over seven days? I can weigh myself after I go running and "lose" two pounds only to "gain" it the next morning. Did I then gain weight?

 

The scale measures how much gravity is pulling you down and says nothing about anything else.

 

I will be the first to say that losing a significant amount of weight requires a certain amount of focus on what you eat that most non-overweight people never expend. And I think maintaining that weight loss can continue to require that. However, even for me, OP, your level of focus does not seem healthy. Personally, I wouldn't fret until the weight gain was greater than 5lbs.

 

OP, I think you should heed the advice of your counselor. What does she say?

[lauraw4321]

If you consistently eat 1400 calories, you will gain to a a certain point, but then not continue to gain (until your baseline metabolism slows down as you age).

 

But, I'm not sure what the point is of eating an extra 200 calories a day. This doesn't seem to address any of the issues that you seem to have around food and eating.

[Paige]

My recommendation would be to quit counting calories and quit weighing yourself if you really want to quit obsessing about food. Normal weight fluctuations can't be avoided and shouldn't cause stress, but more than that, for most people normal fluctuations of +/- 5lbs wouldn't be noticed because most people don't weigh themselves daily.

 

As for your question, if you are maintaining your weight at a certain calorie level, consistently eating more without increasing activity would probably cause you to gain some weight just like consistently eating less would cause you to lose. 

 

I think being completely sedentary is not good for anyone's health and is concerning. You can do activities that don't make you sweat- you can take casual walks, do tai chi, or something like ballroom dance. Fast dances may get you sweating, but most slower ones wouldn't. 

[Pawz4me]

I don't like diagnosing people--I'm not a medical professional.

 

But I think at the very least you have some food/weight obsession and maybe disordered eating.

 

Most people understand that weight fluctuations happen. It's simply the way our bodies work.

 

I think you said something about having long legs, so I'm guessing you're at least average height or maybe tall. Controlling your eating for years so that you've never had more than a two pound fluctuation means you've been extremely stringent. As others have said, assuming you're not post-menopausal then it would be quite normal and expected to have much larger fluctuations than that leading up to your TOM. I'm a very short, petite person and I often have weight fluctuations of three or four pounds (one would expect a naturally lighter weight person to have smaller fluctuations simply because of percentages--a two percent fluctuation in a 100 pound person is less than a two percent fluctuation in a 150 pound person).

 

When you increase calories you're almost certainly also increasing your salt and carb consumption. Both of those can cause a small amount of water retention. I suspect that's what you're seeing on the scale. Assuming that calorie level stays the same that should stabilize.

[Night Elf]

I think it is entirely possible that, when your body realizes that it does not have to hang on to every additional calorie it now finally gets, it will stop storing it and find a new set point. 

 

Maintaining weight within a 2lb range consistently must be exhausting and cost a lot of thought and energy because the normal fluctuations during the female cycle can already be up to 5 lbs in water weight.

 

I think if your counselor recommends this, you should try. And the first thing should be to throw away the scale so the number cannot feed your eating disorder.

 

Honestly, maintaining hasn't been hard at all. I don't gain water weight during my periods. Up in another post, I said I use the scale to help me decide how much to eat that day. If I'm below a certain weight, I eat more that day. I'll have all those sweets I want that I don't normally eat much of. If I'm above a certain weight, I eat my normal 1200 thereabouts calories so my weight will go back down. This has been the easiest thing in the world. I realize that won't be the case when I go into menopause but I'm not there yet.

 

I can't stand the thought of not weighing myself. That's a red flag for many of you but it is what it is.

[Carrie12345]

 

 

I can't stand the thought of not weighing myself. That's a red flag for many of you but it is what it is.

 

Then, honestly, there's nothing a lay person can tell you that's going to satisfy you.

 

This forum is full of people with excellent (and not so excellent, lol) nutrition and weight management advice, but you are not currently in a place where you're able to truly hear any of it. I don't believe that's intentional on your part.  I do think a professional could help you with the obsessive thinking.

[Night Elf]

You are aware that weight fluctuates during the cycle by more than 2 lbs, right?

 

If you ate 1200 calories before, and have increased to 1500, that means you consume 300 calories more per day, and over the course of 7 days, 2,100 more calories.

One lb of fat has 3,500 calories. It is not possible that 2,100 calories have translated into 2 lbs of fat, even if every single extra calorie were stored (which it isn't) - it would be only enough calories for 0.6 lb of fat.

 

I do understand that but it's not coming off like it usually does when I drop back down to eating 1200 calories. I have fluctuated 2/10's of a pound for the past 4 days. Usually when I gain weight, which is probably water weight, then one or two days brings my weight back down to where it was before I ate a lot. Now I've gone 4 days at this high weight. I'm accepting it though because I don't want to work to lose weight and I think that's what I will have to do.

 

When I have a big eating day, I'm eating more than 1500 calories. I don't track how many calories I eat on those days but I'm positive it's high. I read about binge eating but I don't quite fit that definition. I don't sit there at eat large amounts of food in one sitting. When I say I have a big eating day, I mean my food choices are higher calories. For example, it's the day I allow myself a couple of donuts and a Starbucks for breakfast. Stuff like that.

[Night Elf]

Then, honestly, there's nothing a lay person can tell you that's going to satisfy you.

 

This forum is full of people with excellent (and not so excellent, lol) nutrition and weight management advice, but you are not currently in a place where you're able to truly hear any of it. I don't believe that's intentional on your part.  I do think a professional could help you with the obsessive thinking.

 

Oh I do hear y'all and understand what y'all are saying. I do recognize I have a problem and I'm trying to work on it but I don't believe it's going to happen overnight. My DH thinks 1200 calories, even for a sedentary person, isn't healthy. I don't know why he's worrying about the number because I eat what I consider to be healthy. I just eat small amounts. I can't eat too much food in one sitting because I don't like feeling over full. He eats more than I do too but I'm not about to eat like him. 

 

I know I'm obsessive. I'm working on that. I have gained over 5 lbs. from my lowest weight because DH worried so much about me. I just don't want it to become 10 or 15. 

 

According to those calculators you can find that tell you how many calories you should be able to eat and maintain your weight, I should be eating 1500. But adding in 300 calories will eventually cause a gain. Yes it will take longer than a week but it's going to happen. I really don't want to gain a lot more. That's why I was asking about when will weight stabilize at a certain calorie intake. If I'm maintaining at 1200 then why do I need to go up to 1500? DH's only answer is 'because it's healthier'.

[Jen500]

GET. RID. OF. YOUR. SCALE.

Go to a counselor. And to a medical dr.

You KNOW you need to get rid of that scale. You just won't do it. But it's a big step in the right direction. Come on, you can do it! 

[Carrie12345]

Oh I do hear y'all and understand what y'all are saying. I do recognize I have a problem and I'm trying to work on it but I don't believe it's going to happen overnight. My DH thinks 1200 calories, even for a sedentary person, isn't healthy. I don't know why he's worrying about the number because I eat what I consider to be healthy. I just eat small amounts. I can't eat too much food in one sitting because I don't like feeling over full. He eats more than I do too but I'm not about to eat like him.

 

I know I'm obsessive. I'm working on that. I have gained over 5 lbs. from my lowest weight because DH worried so much about me. I just don't want it to become 10 or 15.

 

According to those calculators you can find that tell you how many calories you should be able to eat and maintain your weight, I should be eating 1500. But adding in 300 calories will eventually cause a gain. Yes it will take longer than a week but it's going to happen. I really don't want to gain a lot more. That's why I was asking about when will weight stabilize at a certain calorie intake. If I'm maintaining at 1200 then why do I need to go up to 1500? DH's only answer is 'because it's healthier'.

I realize you "hear", but I still don't think you really HEAR.

 

Maybe your intake is perfectly fine for your body. I don't recall you sharing your general nutrition make up. You do label your red flags as such, but you're insistent that they're irrelevant. That concerns me more than the flags themselves.

 

I wonder if your dh is also expressing his concern for the deeper issues by focusing on the plate. I mean, does anyone really care about someone else's serving sizes that much? Perhaps it's the only way he can bring himself to touch on the obsessive thinking that appears to have a large impact on your daily life.

 

There's no 100% scientifically accurate answer to your question. At least, not that applies to each unique individual. I know you want to take exercise off the table, but I wish you would take to heart that the health risks of being sedentary are so much greater than the benefits of maintaining a number on the scale.

 

My suggestion for increasing calories to match your proposed walking would be to do so in protein, not carbs. Protein almost never stores as fat. I'd even suggest strength training, where I consider sweat to be a good thing, but even a gentler routine could at least help an it to fight against bone density loss, and would more efficiently use protein. It could also give a little metabolism boost.

 

My heart does genuinely go out to you. I think I would hate to have other people obsessing over my eating habits. But the picture you paint is hard for strangers to brush off. I'm sure it's much harder for a spouse.

[regentrude]

Honestly, maintaining hasn't been hard at all. I don't gain water weight during my periods. Up in another post, I said I use the scale to help me decide how much to eat that day. If I'm below a certain weight, I eat more that day. I'll have all those sweets I want that I don't normally eat much of. If I'm above a certain weight, I eat my normal 1200 thereabouts calories so my weight will go back down. This has been the easiest thing in the world. I realize that won't be the case when I go into menopause but I'm not there yet.

 

You are weighing yourself every day, base your food decisions on the result, and think about food all the time as you told us. 

That is not "the easiest thing in the world". Normally, people don't make all this effort and are not consumed by  thoughts of food.

 

 

 

 I can't stand the thought of not weighing myself. That's a red flag for many of you but it is what it is.  

 

This is a hall mark of an eating disorder. We cannot help you. You need to have this conversation with your therapist.

Edited August 14, 2017 by regentrude

[nixpix5]

It's not my heels. It's my big toe on the right foot, and my knee on my left leg. I did exercises for my knee but they didn't help at all. As long as I don't overuse it, it doesn't hurt. The doctor who looked at my big toe told me it was a touch of arthritis but didn't mean that I'd have a serious problem with it. There's no way to tell. So she had no advice for me except if it starts hurting, stop what I'm doing. I like good sound medical advice. :)

I have arthritis and both of my knees were injured when I was young. I started lifting weights in 2015 after years of thinking I couldn't pull off exercise well. I had my gallbladder out in 2009 and after having a normal weight my entire life began putting weight on. Like you I seemed to gain at anything over about 1200 calories. It was so discouraging. I got knee supports that cradled the patella and just decided to go for it. It was the best decision. I found I loved lifting so much more than aerobic workouts. As I built muscle I shed pounds like magic. The best part was increasing my muscle allowed me to eat more calories and maintain weight, feel more energy and everything I did was just easier. I went from having an achy midlife body to one that didn't hurt anymore.

[maize]

I was super skinny so no exercise didn't affect me.

The entire post I pulled this from was mostly a litany of excuses for not exercising, but this line has been niggling at me.

 

The primary benefit of exercise is NOT thin-ness, and being thin does not in any way mirror the benefits of regular physical activity.

 

One of the biggest benefits? Exercise stimulates neurogenesis--the birth of new cells in our brains. It stimulates existing neurons to form new connections. It helps alleviate anxiety and depression.

 

And that's just a few of the effects on one body organ!

When it comes to health of brain and body, overweight and active is going to trump thin and sedentary.

Edited August 14, 2017 by maize

[lauraw4321]

It sounds like your husband is focusing on one part of your disordered thinking around food (1,200 calories) and focusing on changing that, with the hopes of changing more fundamental things. Unfortunately that is too narrow of a focus.

Edited August 14, 2017 by lauraw4321

[Night Elf]

I'm meeting a new counselor tomorrow. I'll ask her about it. I also emailed my GP and my psychiatrist to ask their opinion.

 

Thanks for the responses.

[Night Elf]

BTW, I don't feel I make excuses not to exercise. I've plain out said I do not like it. I do not like to sweat. I do not like to breathe hard. Those are not excuses. Those are facts. But I do appreciate concern that I should start doing it for health reasons. I feel if I can't truly work out with increased heart rate, sweating and labored breathing then why bother at all? My doctor told me I needed to get my heart rate up when I exercise and should be doing at least 150 minutes of cardio per week. I'm not willing to do that. How can a leisurely stroll mean anything? Wasn't it Yoga who said Do or Do Not Do, there is no Try.

[Paige]

The entire post I pulled this from was mostly a litany of excuses for not exercising, but this line has been niggling at me.

 

The primary benefit of exercise is NOT thin-ness, and being thin does not in any way mirror the benefits of regular physical activity.

 

One of the biggest benefits? Exercise stimulates neurogenesis--the birth of new cells in our brains. It stimulates existing neurons to form new connections. It helps alleviate anxiety and depression.

 

And that's just a few of the effects on one body organ!

When it comes to health of brain and body, overweight and active is going to trump thin and sedentary.

 

Additionally, there's evidence that being at a slightly higher weight- especially as muscle mass- as you age is protective. Older women who are super thin are often frail, weaker, and do poorer if they get sick or are injured. 

 

The point of exercise is heart health, bone density, muscle mass, improving brain function and mood, increasing energy, keeping joints, ligaments, and tendons supple, and so many other things. It's obvious how important it is when you compare active vs inactive folks over 70. 

[wintermom]

BTW, I don't feel I make excuses not to exercise. I've plain out said I do not like it. I do not like to sweat. I do not like to breathe hard. Those are not excuses. Those are facts. But I do appreciate concern that I should start doing it for health reasons. I feel if I can't truly work out with increased heart rate, sweating and labored breathing then why bother at all? My doctor told me I needed to get my heart rate up when I exercise and should be doing at least 150 minutes of cardio per week. I'm not willing to do that. How can a leisurely stroll mean anything? Wasn't it Yoga who said Do or Do Not Do, there is no Try.

 

Sweating is a necessary, involuntary response to regulate the body's temperature. I'm sure you sweat in the shower, in a hot tub, outdoors in hot weather, etc. and don't think twice about it. If you didn't sweat, you would die. Both men and women, boys and girls, all sweat. There is nothing dirty or bad or anything wrong with sweating. You need to grow up and deal with the realities of life on this one, to be honest. 

 

Increased breathing is also a necessity of getting more oxygen to the lungs, heart and brain. Again, if you didn't do this, you'd pass out and your body would just go on and do it anyway for you.  It's how humans are hard-wired. 

 

You seem to attach a lot of negative emotions to basic biological functions, you know. Maybe try to celebrate the fact that our bodies are built so that we can increase in strength and endurance, and that we can become stronger, faster and healthier. We have control of these things, unlike many other things in our bodies.  It is empowering to take control and do something positive with our bodies. Sometimes people are dealt with a pretty crummy set of genes, but there is always the option of working on what we have and doing the most with it that we can. 

Edited August 14, 2017 by wintermom

[chocolatechip]

BTW, I don't feel I make excuses not to exercise. I've plain out said I do not like it. I do not like to sweat. I do not like to breathe hard. Those are not excuses. Those are facts. But I do appreciate concern that I should start doing it for health reasons. I feel if I can't truly work out with increased heart rate, sweating and labored breathing then why bother at all? My doctor told me I needed to get my heart rate up when I exercise and should be doing at least 150 minutes of cardio per week. I'm not willing to do that. How can a leisurely stroll mean anything? Wasn't it Yoga who said Do or Do Not Do, there is no Try.

The most important part of exercise is not to keep thin. It's about health. It's not good for a body to truly sit around and not be active. The healthiest elderly people I know are people who maintained active lifestyles. 

 

You're very obsessed with your weight (please, please, throw away your scale!) but you seem completely unconcerned with the detriment you can cause to the health and condition of your body as a functioning whole by not being willing to become a little more active and exercise. 

 

Your husband is talking about how it is healthier to eat more calories. I would agree with him that it is important not to be too restrictive with calories, because it can cause your metabolism to slow further and further, eventually causing you to gain weight even on the same amount of calories that you were eating all along. If you pair increased calories with a little exercise, your body will "learn" that it's not in a famine and that it doesn't have to hang on to every last unit of energy it can get. Your metabolism can speed up and you'll probably feel more energetic. 

 

Exercise gets easier with practice. Of course you're not going to enjoy running five miles if you're not used to it. Start small, and work up. It might never get enjoyable, but it will get easier.

 

It's part of taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is important!

[lauraw4321]

BTW, I don't feel I make excuses not to exercise. I've plain out said I do not like it. I do not like to sweat. I do not like to breathe hard. Those are not excuses. Those are facts. But I do appreciate concern that I should start doing it for health reasons. I feel if I can't truly work out with increased heart rate, sweating and labored breathing then why bother at all? My doctor told me I needed to get my heart rate up when I exercise and should be doing at least 150 minutes of cardio per week. I'm not willing to do that. How can a leisurely stroll mean anything? Wasn't it Yoga who said Do or Do Not Do, there is no Try.

 

I can't stop thinking about this. I've never heard of someone so committed to NOT exercising, that it's testing my brain.

 

I would start with your two aversions: sweating and heavy breathing. Why do you dislike sweating? Are you wearing the proper workout attire? Do you know that you'll have time to shower before needing to be "presentable?" Are you wearing a comfortable sports bra and comfortable, breathable fabrics? Do you have sweat bands or other items the you can use to wipe sweat from your brow and eyes? Do you have a way to keep your bangs out of your eyes?

 

And with breathing: Do you possibly have workout - related asthma? Do you dislike the sound? Could you wear earphones so you don't hear yourself breathing heavily? Can you exercise away from others so you don't need to worry about how you sound? 

[Tanaqui]

Night Elf, I'm sure that any doctor would say that if you have a physical aversion to sweating, you should still do moderate exercise. Even if it doesn't get your heart up, it's still better than sitting doing nothing.

 

Please bring this up with your counselor or therapist as well. Not because exercise is good for your body and brain - though it is! - but because it does sound like you have a lot of stuff wrapped up together that isn't making you happy. And I can tell it's not making you happy because here you are posting about it!

[mamaraby]

ime, as one who used to say they hated sweating and often felt awkward enough in my own body so that I avoided sweating and exercise when at all possible, it gets much easier with practice. Now, I still sweat, but I find that I not only mind it less when I'm running, but also when I'm just existing. Part of that is because of heat acclimation - it helps me feel a great deal cooler - and part of that is just being more comfortable in my own skin.

 

Breathing heavily at first is a sign that you are out of shape and your cardiovascular system isn't functioning as well as it could. With practice, that initial heavy breathing lessens because you're stronger. After you do it for awhile, it requires far more effort to reach that state. Then, heavy breathing is a sign that your working hard and at least in running, it's maybe time to back off on the pace and run easier.

 

But it takes practice. I don't know that I'd want to go back to 274lbs, but I'd certainly stay 40ish lbs overweight and active rather than lose that weight and being sedentary. Being active really is that important - in whatever way you can learn to enjoy.

[regentrude]

There are ways to exercise at least moderately without sweating or breathing hard. 

[Catwoman]

No advice, but I just wanted to say that you look so pretty in your new avatar photo! I'm still loving your new haircut! :)

[Catwoman]

There are ways to exercise at least moderately without sweating or breathing hard.

I agree! It may also be much easier to maintain the habit of exercising if you can fit it into your normal daily routine. I don't know about you, but if I feel like I have to stop everything to take another shower in the middle of the day because exercising made me sweat too much, I would probably find a lot of excuses to skip the exercise.

[nixpix5]

BTW, I don't feel I make excuses not to exercise. I've plain out said I do not like it. I do not like to sweat. I do not like to breathe hard. Those are not excuses. Those are facts. But I do appreciate concern that I should start doing it for health reasons. I feel if I can't truly work out with increased heart rate, sweating and labored breathing then why bother at all? My doctor told me I needed to get my heart rate up when I exercise and should be doing at least 150 minutes of cardio per week. I'm not willing to do that. How can a leisurely stroll mean anything? Wasn't it Yoga who said Do or Do Not Do, there is no Try.

There is plenty of data that supports strength training gives the same benefits as aerobic exercise. You do not need to breathe heavy and run, jog, or jump around. You have clearly decided that isn't going to happen. I loathe it too and if it was the only exercise available for me I would not do it. I get migraines fr it actually. Lifting is fun! You set your goal and work through your muscle groups. It is fun to check off as you go. It is fun to begin lifting more than you could originally. Girls don't bulk up, their bodies just don't pile muscle like that so you get svelt. My lung capacity is AMAZING since lifting and I never do aerobic anything. Like is said before, the wonderful benefit besides having a strong rocking bod that doesn't feel aged is you can eat so many more calories. Just saying... ;)