Kids who don't like 90 percent of what you cook

[Joyofsixreboot]

I think it's about acceptance and deciding what YOU want. Is the eat what I make thing important enough to make rules/be in a power struggle? Does the have a pbj thing work for you? If it does get rid of the guilt. I have taken a middle ground. All I pretty much keep is healthy stuff so if the kid's preferences are chips and Mt. dew they are out of luck ( until they are old enough to go buy it). When they were little I would put about 1 tsp of what we were having on their plate and ask them to try it. The pbj stuff is always available. I figured if cheese, fruit and pb/refried was all the snacks available they wouldn't' starve. Now my picky Dh is another matter. 😠All this is predicated on normal picky not bigger issues.

[hepatica]

Some kids really are just more sensitive. It's a feature, not a flaw.

 

We also do "modular' meals. Our favorite meals are a bunch of "bars" - taco bar, pasta bar, baked potato bar, MYO pizza, etc.  I put all the options/toppings out on the stove and counter and everyone makes their own plate. 

 

It really is frustrating to cook and cook and always have someone unhappy. I completely get that. My 8yo DS recently suggested that I should just have one night where I cook whatever I want, and not worry about them :) Sweet kid!

[eternalsummer]

As long as mine are getting protein and some vitamins through vegetables/fruits I don't worry much.  The way we handle it is largely this: I make approx. one meal a day, usually the evening meal, with a good protein and a vegetable that people like (ours like broccoli, salad, asparagus, sometimes brussels sprouts).  DD11 often makes breakfast (almost always oatmeal).  Everyone scrounges the rest of the day.  Because there are a lot of us and I am not a super organized shopper, we sometimes have a lot of desirable snack foods - raisin bran, whole wheat bread and fake butter, apples (they can eat a bushel of apples in a day), lunch meat.  Once these things run out, they resort to frozen burritos, corn chips and bean dip, frozen blueberries, and carrots with hummus. Once those run out, they will eat leftover beans (lima beans get eaten right away, though), sunflower seeds, and vegetables.  Once *those* run out, I get groceries.  We go through this whole cycle every week.  I figure over the course of a week they eat just fine.

 

So I guess my advice is to run out of desirable snack foods?  Not that helpful, I guess.

 

I wouldn't put any more energy into cooking things you know they will dislike than you feel like putting into it for your own enjoyment of the food.  I make fish curry about once a week; half the kids like it a lot and the other half eat peanut butter for dinner.  This doesn't bother me as I get more of the curry.  If I did this every night, though, I'd get discouraged.

 

I only have one kid who is really resistant to certain foods; he also has a strong gag reflex and will puke if you force him to take cough syrup, etc.  I try pretty hard to find healthy things he likes to eat.

[eternalsummer]

I hate picky eaters. It's emotionally and physically exhausting to cook multiple meals, and we are stuck doing anyway.

 

This topic makes me stabby. I try to cook meals most of us will eat and just don't tolerate pickiness. You'll give it a try unless it is on the list of foods that make you vomit. And you can always have carrots or hard boiled eggs. Other than that I don't want to hear a single peep on the food and no you may not just have cereal or peanut butter and jelly. Sorry.

 

We rotate meals most of us like most of the time. And we try to balance intake. If my kids want to whine to a therapist about their mean mom and food issues some day they can be my freaking guest. We have varying levels of picky eaters but not the type who cannot handle a bite or two. Thankfully.

 

Hmph.

 

I have solved this problem by not having cereal (I buy it twice a month and it lasts a day) or jelly (too sticky).  I don't mind if they prefer peanut butter and whole wheat bread; how much worse can it be for them than fish and rice?

[eternalsummer]

oh, and also I as a child was somewhat picky - not really; I ate 95% of what was offered by anyone, as I really liked food on the whole.  I just could not stand:

potato salad, mashed potatoes

ham

grape juice or grape flavored stuff

mayonnaise

Sprite

 

I was made to eat grape juice (maybe fake grape drink? not sure) and mashed potatoes once at my grandmother's house, and vomited it all over the table.  My mom was appalled that she had allowed my grandmother (her MIL) to force me to eat something I hated, and never again insisted on anything like that.  

 

These days I like all of the above, except mayonnaise which is disgusting.

 

 

I guess there is a difference between kids who have a few things things they hate and kids who have a lot of things they hate, but being the former has given me a lot of sympathy for the latter.

[SparklyUnicorn]

oh, and also I as a child was somewhat picky - not really; I ate 95% of what was offered by anyone, as I really liked food on the whole.  I just could not stand:

potato salad, mashed potatoes

ham

grape juice or grape flavored stuff

mayonnaise

Sprite

 

I was made to eat grape juice (maybe fake grape drink? not sure) and mashed potatoes once at my grandmother's house, and vomited it all over the table.  My mom was appalled that she had allowed my grandmother (her MIL) to force me to eat something I hated, and never again insisted on anything like that.  

 

These days I like all of the above, except mayonnaise which is disgusting.

 

 

I guess there is a difference between kids who have a few things things they hate and kids who have a lot of things they hate, but being the former has given me a lot of sympathy for the latter.

 

onions were my thing...and that's no easy thing because they are in everything

 

I'm picky, but I make all the food so do you think I make stuff I won't eat?  Nope.  I have never cooked with onions since being on my own other than something special occasionally for DH (like an onion tart or onion soup). 

[eternalsummer]

I cook things I don't like but am willing to smell.  Cod is one - cannot eat it, unless it is buried in a curry, but can stand to smell it while cooking, so I make it.  Salmon croquettes, which my dad taught me to make and DH and the kids *love*, make me nauseous and make the house smell like salmon croquettes, which makes me nauseous.  I don't make them often.

 

I also didn't like onions as a kid!  I'd forgotten.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I hate picky eaters. It's emotionally and physically exhausting to cook multiple meals, and we are stuck doing anyway.

 

This topic makes me stabby. I try to cook meals most of us will eat and just don't tolerate pickiness. You'll give it a try unless it is on the list of foods that make you vomit. And you can always have carrots or hard boiled eggs. Other than that I don't want to hear a single peep on the food and no you may not just have cereal or peanut butter and jelly. Sorry.

 

We rotate meals most of us like most of the time. And we try to balance intake. If my kids want to whine to a therapist about their mean mom and food issues some day they can be my freaking guest. We have varying levels of picky eaters but not the type who cannot handle a bite or two. Thankfully.

 

Hmph.

 

I hear you.  Maybe we need a different word for what we are talking about.  There is "meh I'm not crazy about this or I'd rather something else" and then there is vomiting, gagging, screaming, crying, and preference for going days without eating rather than endure vomiting and gagging so parent can win food battle.  That's what some of us are talking about here.  The two options are go years battling and making food an even bigger issue or get over yourself and deal in a way that isn't stupid.

 

If your kid will eat after you put your foot down, which I assure you most of us have probably tried many times, then you don't have the kind of issues we are talking about. 

 

If you do have a kid like this and have found some magical solution, then please put on a presentation because I'd buy tickets to that! 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I cook things I don't like but am willing to smell.  Cod is one - cannot eat it, unless it is buried in a curry, but can stand to smell it while cooking, so I make it.  Salmon croquettes, which my dad taught me to make and DH and the kids *love*, make me nauseous and make the house smell like salmon croquettes, which makes me nauseous.  I don't make them often.

 

I also didn't like onions as a kid!  I'd forgotten.

 

My husband once made Limburger cheese marinated in something that involved a lot of raw onions.  Yet he is the same person that won't eat Parmesan because he claims it smells bad.

 

Good lawd....

[SparklyUnicorn]

I cook things I don't like but am willing to smell.  Cod is one - cannot eat it, unless it is buried in a curry, but can stand to smell it while cooking, so I make it.  Salmon croquettes, which my dad taught me to make and DH and the kids *love*, make me nauseous and make the house smell like salmon croquettes, which makes me nauseous.  I don't make them often.

 

I also didn't like onions as a kid!  I'd forgotten.

 

onions make me barf

 

I actually don't quite hate the taste, but pretty hard to eat something that makes you gag like crazy. 

 

it's a royal pain

[eternalsummer]

My husband once made Limburger cheese marinated in something that involved a lot of raw onions.  Yet he is the same person that won't eat Parmesan because he claims it smells bad.

 

Good lawd....

 

When DH's grandfather was in his 80s, his sense of taste started to go, so he ate tastier and tastier foods (well, stronger and stronger tasting foods).  One of his favorites was a limburger cheese and mustard sandwich.  gack.

 

Yes, the kind of kid who can and will eat whatever it is if there is nothing else available and/or you offer a significant bribe (10 candy bars! a train track!) or threat (no computer for a week! sit here for an hour!) is a different kid from the kind who cannot and will not, because vomiting it up is not worth the bribe or threat or hunger.

 

I was in the middle, and I accomodate that kind of kid too.  I *could*, usually, eat ham or grape juice.  I just really despised it.  I see no reason to force the despiser any more than the vomiter.  

 

I get around the only eating junk food problem by not having any junk food in the house.  I also count myself lucky to not have a kid who really cannot tolerate even wheat bread and peanut butter, or something.  That would be a lot of trouble, but what can you do?  

[HomeAgain]

One thing I do want to stress is that it is not the end of the world.  My husband and I grew up on opposite ends of the spectrum when it came to food.  His idea of food was meat, potatoes, corn, along with anything from a box.  Mine was raw veggies-never cooked, bread, and Mexican food.  It took YEARS for us to find a healthy, expanding diet and half of that was due to travel, half was due to growing taste buds.  As grownups we weren't afraid to try something new because we knew if we didn't like it we could buy something else after.  That freedom allowed us to expand more easily.  If I didn't like my salad with roasted beets I didn't have to eat it.  There.  The only two consistent dislikes in our lives now are fish soups and broccoli.  Yuck.  The kids have grown up globally so they're a lot less afraid of new foods than I was as a kid.  We each still have our individual hangups with texture and taste, but it is soooo much better than my idea of a meal when I was little: mayonnaise on toast.  Absolutely disgusting, really, but I devoured that for years.

[pinkmint]

As to Catwoman's question, my kids will all eat almond butter jelly sandwiches (oldest can't have pb), they all eat fast food chicken or rotisserie chicken from the store too. So trying to work with that I've prepared chicken every which way and every which cut. Plain to savory, sweet, etc. They largely want nothing to do with it.

 

They like very salty processed meats like hot dogs, bacon, sometimes salami...

 

Let me come back I've got my toddler to tend to...

[eternalsummer]

rotisserie chicken is fine.  will they eat a chicken you roast yourself?  (cheaper)

 

Will they eventually eat almond butter sandwiches if you don't have jelly?  Will they eat them on whole wheat if you just don't buy white bread anymore?

 

Do they like any vegetable at all prepared in any way?

 

Tomato sauce on noodles?

[QueenCat]

In my early years of parenting, I took the eat what I cook........... or you'll get it for the next meal, etc. One day, I just realized that was wrong for many reasons. I still don't like the foods that were forced on me when I was young. I DID NOT want meal viewed as something of dread, but rather of quality family time. And I still don't eat what I don't like...... so sandwiches and cereal became always available options. I just asked that they try two bites but didn't force it. Meal time became so much better and the super picky one eventually tried more things but it took years for that to happen.

[pinkmint]

Oh and of course carbs, carbs, beautiful carbs. The more refined the better. Bread, crackers, Doritos, sugar etc.

 

By the way they're all thin too. 2 yo is more beefy in body type and actually was more willing to try foods but the other 2 have been an influence on him these days and he seems to refuse foods at their leading.

 

They will eat pasta with butter and kraft parmesan (they won't eat out if it's not kraft, they can tell), mac n cheese, certain brands of keilbasa sausage (they happen to like the most expensive brand) They will eat a couple fruits, carrots, guacamole residue on tortilla chips, whole milk.

[DawnM]

There are very few things I will go to the effort of making if I know they won't like it.

 

DH doesn't like Salmon, but the rest of us do, so DH will grill his own burger or whatever.

 

But mustard chicken?  Probably only 3 of us would eat it, so I wouldn't bother.  Chicken tenders, everyone will eat, and they can have ranch or mustard sauce for dipping.

 

Middle son wont' eat certain things, so I don't mix them in because I do want him to eat them.

 

My favorite meal is curry.  They have decided they no longer like it.  I have FAILED as a parent.  But I WILL still make that.  If they want rice and naan and no chicken or sauce, that is on THEM!  More for me!

 

Ask them for a list of what they WILL eat.

 

 

Edited March 1, 2017 by DawnM

[eternalsummer]

Well, imo you are under no obligation to buy doritos or white bread or saltine crackers or white noodles.  I'd just stop buying those things, or buy a whole-wheat version (wheat bread, plain corn chips, those whole grain crispbread crackers, whole wheat noodles) and say, eat what you like, these are the options.  

[eternalsummer]

btw, I have occasionally couched this (when someone protests the lack of frozen waffles, or something) in terms of finances.  It is more efficient to get protein from beans or peanut butter than pre-cooked chicken fingers and you get more nutritional bang for your buck from whole wheat noodles or whole wheat bread or carrots (good that your kids like them!).  I just say, we're trying to conserve money for more important things right now, and your health is important to me, so while I don't care if you eat something you scrounge instead of dinner, we just can't have frozen waffles in the house all the time.  Have a sandwich!

 

A lot of snack food (like doritos) is, imo, literally addictive.  I would eat nothing but cookies if I didn't stop myself from buying them.  My kids would eat nothing but cookies either.

[Bambam]

I also tried to make sure there was some item picky child could eat. Since the only meat she would consume was chicken, it often was a side. But, I always encouraged child to try the food items she was sure she wouldn't like (based on smell, taste, or perception). I didn't force that child, because she would have thrown up on me. 

 

I got her involved with helping prepare food. Now, finally, she is a fairly adventurous eater - and she will sometimes say that she can't believe she didn't like x food. She was always suspicious of pepper when younger and would refuse to eat anything that looked like it had pepper on it  She now loves pepper and adds it regularly to many dishes.

 

So, my sympathies. There is hope it will get better. 

 

BTW, chicken is still typically the only meat she will eat. However, she did try pulled pork bbq at a Bar-b-que cookoff and liked it, so there is hope she may yet expand her meat eating. 

[pinkmint]

I also want to add that I'm pretty confident a lot of this is my own doing. 

 

I wish I had never exposed them to certain things (like Doritos) because they became fixated on those food items, and sort of forgot that they were willing to eat other more healthy things. They know when I try to sneak a whole-grain version of something and refuse. If I don't buy they're preferred bread they instantly know without seeing the package the moment they taste it. 

 

So I have relied on certain not-ideal foods as a way to get them to stop complaining and eat something when their grumpiness from hunger is basically ruining our day. Is it good that I do this? No, it's not. I feel I am in too deep now and don't know how to get back or if I should even try. 

[eternalsummer]

It is easy; do not buy Doritos or white bread for a few weeks.  They may well complain, but they will likely eat whatever substitute you provide.  You do not have to force them to eat it, and you can say, "here are the options. (have a lot of healthy ones).  eat what you like."  If you have a kid who really will only eat junk food or starve, that is a very very exceptional kid.  They will likely complain and may even get slightly hungry; that is okay.  If there is one of them who doesn't eat for 3 days because you don't have Doritos or other junk food, s/he needs an evaluation, imo.  And *then* life gets fairly difficult, but not impossible.  The chances you have that kid, instead of just kids who prefer junk food (who doesn't?) are pretty slim.

[eternalsummer]

Ours used to eat a lot of things they don't eat now as we have stopped eating dairy, eggs, bone char sugar, etc.  Sometimes they complain.  They don't stop eating, though :)

[Lang Syne Boardie]

You can totally disappear the hot dogs and Doritos, and do rotisserie chicken, or chicken cooked at home, instead of fast food chicken.

 

Processed foods with way too much salt can be very addictive, and too much processed meat has its risks, but it sounds like your children will still have a list of foods they WILL eat if you stop giving them chips and hot dogs as frequently.

 

They're still left with chicken, pasta, carrots, fruit, milk, bread...

 

Regarding the sugar and other refined carbs, the usual advice for cutting back on these is to do it gradually. Just have the cookies or doughnuts (or whatever) less often, instead of putting your foot down in a drastic way. If they're used to having it every day, "run out" and then be too busy to go to the store. In the meantime, offer fewer home-baked goods*, but not obviously "health food" -- if all their cookies are brown and whole grain, they'll probably revolt! If they put table sugar on sugary cereal every morning, let the sugar bowl run out and take your time replacing it. In the meantime, look for a breakfast option other than sugary cereal.

 

*If you bake their treats at home, you can reduce the sugar, swap in some applesauce; also, you're avoiding the addictive processed food chemicals.

 

(Note: This is not a judgy post. My kids eat kielbasa once per week, some tortilla chips, occasional store-bought (gluten-free) cookies, even though I don't think these foods are good for them...due to budget and time problems, we're not perfect...I'm just talking about cutting back when it seems kids are gravitating too much toward the processed foods.)

Edited March 1, 2017 by Tibbie Dunbar

[toawh]

A friend with eight kids told me about his three-foods rule when my eldest was four. It's worked out well for us. 

 

The three-foods rule: each child/person can have three foods they don't like and are not obligated to eat at anytime. If it's not on their list of three they must at least have a bite's worth. No complaining or bad-mouthing foods -- someone else might like it so it's disrespectful.

 

This rule has saved us nagging and stressing. From time to time a kid will switch out an item on his list for a different one, but they aren't allowed to change at each meal. Everyone has a list even me :) I hate eggs and always remind the kids that they are on my list. They get a kick out of trying to get me to taste them, and I emphasis that I make them even though I don't care for them because I know others like them.

 

Dh: soup, potatoes, stew meat

Me: eggs, cream sauces, emmental cheese

Ds1: bananas, yogurt, chickpeas

Ds2: fish, green leafy, tough meat 

Ds3: Squash, sardines, walnuts

 

Ds2 definitely made sure his three were inclusive :). I think it helps too to remind kids that they may not like the way a food is cooked but that doesn't mean they don't like the food item per se.

 

My oldest had eggplant on his list for a few years. One night at the table he was making disrespectful comments about the rest of us for liking eggplant and being generally unpleasant. So, I told him he had to eat a piece. He has liked it ever since to the point of asking for it to be included on the menu. There's hope!

[eternalsummer]

I had more than three foods that, as a kid, made me puke.

I am a fine eater now (and was then - no one ever died from refusing to eat mashed potatoes, fake grape drink, ham, and mayo)

[KungFuPanda]

As to Catwoman's question, my kids will all eat almond butter jelly sandwiches (oldest can't have pb), they all eat fast food chicken or rotisserie chicken from the store too. So trying to work with that I've prepared chicken every which way and every which cut. Plain to savory, sweet, etc. They largely want nothing to do with it.

They like very salty processed meats like hot dogs, bacon, sometimes salami...

Let me come back I've got my toddler to tend to...

Have you tried the sticky chicken recipe? It makes home roasted chicken taste like rotisserie. I'm not opposed to buying the premade chicken, but sometimes you may prefer to cook your own. How do your kids feel about smoothies? If you can get them hooked on them, and you have a decent blender, you can slip all sorts of things into them. If you start them off with cute, opaque cups with lids and straws, they will never notice later when you slip a little bit of spinach or kale into their smoothie. Once you've figured out the recipe they prefer, you can store the mixture in the freezer so it's a just-add-water situation when you make them.

 

Will they nibble from a raw veggie platter if it appears on the table when they're getting hungry and you're just starting dinner? Let them 'ruin' their dinner with that if they'll go for it. I know if I serve a salad with dinner my family might ignore it, but if it comes out earlier they'll eat it while they're waiting, so I sometimes serve in courses. They don't know I do it intentionally. They just think the main part of dinner is late.

 

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/45954/roast-sticky-chicken-rotisserie-style/

Edited March 1, 2017 by KungFuPanda

[eternalsummer]

I do that with salad too.  sometimes I also make the salad the only really tasty thing available - salty and oily, if possible.  Then they are more likely to gobble it up because they crave the salt and oil (which is reasonable) and are willing to eat greens to get to it :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

I also want to add that I'm pretty confident a lot of this is my own doing. 

 

I wish I had never exposed them to certain things (like Doritos) because they became fixated on those food items, and sort of forgot that they were willing to eat other more healthy things. They know when I try to sneak a whole-grain version of something and refuse. If I don't buy they're preferred bread they instantly know without seeing the package the moment they taste it. 

 

So I have relied on certain not-ideal foods as a way to get them to stop complaining and eat something when their grumpiness from hunger is basically ruining our day. Is it good that I do this? No, it's not. I feel I am in too deep now and don't know how to get back or if I should even try. 

 

You'd think it comes down to this, but I'm not sure.  I was very careful about this with my first kid.  I (tried) to feed him lots of veggies.  He'd gag, puke, fuss.  Mostly he'd just smush the food into his hair really.  Most of what he was willing to eat was very bland carby stuff.  I followed doctor's orders to feed him bland carby foods to start due to reflux and colic issues.  They weren't sure if there was allergies. Wish I could go back and have a redo on that part, but the doctor told me to do this and I didn't want to make things worse for him and didn't have the confidence to try something else. 

 

Just saying I didn't feed him junk foods.  This isn't about I fed him junk food and so therefore he never learned to like real food.  I do consider stuff like rice junk food, but that was what I was instructed to do.  So it is what it is.  I don't think I created this problem.

Then my second kid came along and there was none of that nonsense.  I was even much more lax because...second kid.  I did give him more junk than first.  Yet he is also my kid who will eat nearly anything.  And I mean anything.  I'm impressed with his willingness to try stuff. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh it would be the celebration of the century if I could get my kid to eat a vegetable.  He's starting to be annoyed by it himself.  Maybe some day he'll pursue some help with that.  If there is such a thing.  I don't know. 

[Carrie12345]

I also want to add that I'm pretty confident a lot of this is my own doing. 

 

I wish I had never exposed them to certain things (like Doritos) because they became fixated on those food items, and sort of forgot that they were willing to eat other more healthy things. They know when I try to sneak a whole-grain version of something and refuse. If I don't buy they're preferred bread they instantly know without seeing the package the moment they taste it. 

 

So I have relied on certain not-ideal foods as a way to get them to stop complaining and eat something when their grumpiness from hunger is basically ruining our day. Is it good that I do this? No, it's not. I feel I am in too deep now and don't know how to get back or if I should even try. 

 

That part really can end, with consistency.  I have personally listened to toddler screaming and preschool crying for junk food.  It lessened dramatically after just a few days, and continued to get better over a month. They were eventually able to adjust to having a treat here and there without throwing fits for a larger, constant supply.

Older kids may have more of an attitude about it, but they won't die!

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yeah the closest thing to a vegetable that DD6 eats is tomato sauce.  In terms of actual produce-raw, steamed, roasted, whatever, the ONLY produce she will touch is a banana.  Nothing else.  When she was 2, her OT opened a container with a single green bean in it and she ran and hid in the corner crying lol.  I might try breading them up and frying them like chicken nuggets lol 

 

he will eat tomato sauce, but that's a fruit I believe

 

he likes oranges (any citrus really), pineapple, cantaloupe, green firm granny smith apples, kiwi, grapes, strawberries, black berries, raspberries

 

not one single vegetable though...

 

thank goodness for fortified foods...LOL

[eternalsummer]

That's a fine variety of fruits :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

That's a fine variety of fruits :)

 

What's very interesting is I pretty much hate all fruits.  But love most vegetables.

 

:laugh:

 

But yeah, he has a small list of foods he'll eat, but it's not small enough for any doctor I've asked to say ok get ye child to forced feeding camp.  I did not want to do that without a very very good reason.  Like he was failing to grow or something.

[eternalsummer]

Mine will eat broccoli and occasionally a green bean, but he also eats a fair variety of fruits.  What he really likes is lunch meat and cookies; he's willing to eat salmon and wheat bread, though, so I figure it's close enough.

[Garga]

As to Catwoman's question, my kids will all eat almond butter jelly sandwiches (oldest can't have pb), they all eat fast food chicken or rotisserie chicken from the store too. So trying to work with that I've prepared chicken every which way and every which cut. Plain to savory, sweet, etc. They largely want nothing to do with it.

They like very salty processed meats like hot dogs, bacon, sometimes salami...

Let me come back I've got my toddler to tend to...

  

Oh and of course carbs, carbs, beautiful carbs. The more refined the better. Bread, crackers, Doritos, sugar etc.

By the way they're all thin too. 2 yo is more beefy in body type and actually was more willing to try foods but the other 2 have been an influence on him these days and he seems to refuse foods at their leading.

They will eat pasta with butter and kraft parmesan (they won't eat out if it's not kraft, they can tell), mac n cheese, certain brands of keilbasa sausage (they happen to like the most expensive brand) They will eat a couple fruits, carrots, guacamole residue on tortilla chips, whole milk.

This has been exactly my life for the past 14 years. It has only been recently that I finally have The Seven (the 7 meals we eat every week.)

 

Oh, and then there's the thing where you find something they like that's slightly nutritious, but then they eat it too much and NEVER touch it again. EVER. And now there's even fewer things they can eat.

 

I don't really have much advice, but I wish I did. I fumbled around and felt the sharp stabs of guilt (why, oh why, did I ever let them eat a hotdog or McDonald's nuggets!). I'd try to remind myself that the majority of people can eat a nuggest and still also eat regular food. Most people don't eat the nugget and then refuse all other foods, so I was innocent when I allowed them the treat. How was I to know they'd never touch real food again?

 

My youngest would eat more foods when my oldest wasn't around. But my oldest was always around! The few times he wasn't home for some reason, I could get my youngest to eat anything and like it. But then oldest would come home, refuse to eat it, and in perfect solidarity, the youngest woudln't touch it either. I could have tried forcing the youngest, because he didn't have a true aversion, but I was out of reserves.

 

The doctor mentioned shakes like Ensure. After a bit of a battle, and after trying a number of flavors, I can get them to drink that V8 juice for their veggies. The oldest won't eat a single fruit or veggie, except for corn...and that's eaten grudgingly. He won't even eat fruit as desserts--no apple pie, no apple flavored snacks, etc.

 

People say that it's easy--just don't keep the junk in the house! Yes, that's easy to eliminate food, but you have to replace it with something. Food has to go in to them somehow.

 

My kids were super skinny when they were young and then started getting fat when they reached about 12. That was about when the oldest branched out slightly and we came to our uneasy agreement with our 7 meals.

 

I don't think any of this really helps you, but all I can say is that you're not alone. You'll get through. Slowly you might come up with a few things they can eat and then stick with those. But! Be sure not to let them eat the same thing many days in a row, or they WILL stop eating them. So, if the like rotisserie chicken, don't eat it more than once a week, or they'll start to hate it. That will make you weep and your heart ache from the frustration of it.

[leeannpal]

I know exactly what you are going through. I wish I could say it will get better as they get older, but that might not be the case depending on why they are picky eaters. My 14 year old daughter has sensory issues and severe aversions to certain textures. She will eat ground meat, but will not touch any other kind of meat. She has major sensory issues with many vegetables, rice and potatoes. So, I cook for my husband and I, and my daughter eats what she likes of what I cook, and she can have cereal, sandwiches, a salad, etc. if she won't eat anything. I've had to realize that a meal doesn't have to consist of a meat, 2 veggies and a carb. Sometimes, my daughter eats yogurt, string cheese and black olives for dinner :)

[Tess in the Burbs]

I have a kid who has allergies, sensory issues to some foods, and is all around picky.  Veggies are bad in his mind, and food has become an issue even if I didn't want it to be.  

 

I've tried the way I had:  sit until you eat it. 

 

I've tried the eat a few bites to be polite, but you get nothing else strategy.

 

I've tried the whatever, get a sandwich yourself

 

 

I think there is no right answer.  I was going to say be consistent, but this kid needed different methods depending on whether it was a true issue or just whining about eating something new/different/nottheirfav.

 

We are changing our eating habits this month and my veggie hating son tried chard for the first time, and liked it ;-)  He also ate a bowl of kale/potato soup!  He wouldn't go looking for these in the fridge or ask for them, but he ate them/tried them and I was happy.  It was a good few das.  

Stubborness/Personality matters I think.  For us, we have to gauge the day and attitude to how we present dinner.  This child has complete control over his breakfast and lunch, so he can stand to have a lighter dinner if he so chooses not to eat.  I'm trying to set him up to be able to visit others and try new things without complaint.  It's the goal.  Less whining at dinner in my own house would be a bonus.  I even joke he should eat dinner blindfolded ;-)

 

So we don't force the kid to eat a full meal, but try it with a few bites.  If this is something they have eaten in the past and forgotten they like it I won't offer another meal.  If it's truly new/different and they don't like the taste they can often have fruit/yogurt, but no snack later.    You gotta pick your battles.  

[amy g.]

I am a picky eater who has raised a few picky eaters. I don't believe it is respectful to force someone to eat something they don't want. We just don't do that.

 

One thing I do is ask before cooking something. We need to eat breakfast before going to church in a minute here. I'll ask my kids if they want leftover chili or gumbo or if they would like me to make them an egg or a turkey sandwich.

 

I don't keep anything in the house that I don't want them to eat. So it is okay if I give them these choices and one says she would prefer an apple with some cheese or hummus and carrot sticks.

 

I get input from them about what they want to plan for the next weeks meals and I also make them go with me to the store to help get the ingredients for what they want to eat.

 

My most successful strategy is teaching picky eaters to cook for the whole family. It just makes sense. That way, the person who cares the most gets to choose exactly the way that food is prepared.

 

Several times, I've had my friends' picky eater come stay with me for a week. I start out having them go through my cookbooks and choose a weeks worth of meals that they want to eat.

 

Next I teach them how to adapt and substitute for ingredients that they don't like. Then we shop for ingredients and I help them make all of the meals for a week.

 

Then I get one of my kids to type the recipes and send the kid home with their custom cookbook.

 

In every case, the kid went home and was able to really contribute to cooking for the family. It is sweet that they now send me recipes of new things that they have tried and adapted to their personal likes.

 

Teaching the picky kid to cook is a win/win solution for the entire family.

[Guest]

Oh and of course carbs, carbs, beautiful carbs. The more refined the better. Bread, crackers, Doritos, sugar etc.

 

By the way they're all thin too. 2 yo is more beefy in body type and actually was more willing to try foods but the other 2 have been an influence on him these days and he seems to refuse foods at their leading.

 

They will eat pasta with butter and kraft parmesan (they won't eat out if it's not kraft, they can tell), mac n cheese, certain brands of keilbasa sausage (they happen to like the most expensive brand) They will eat a couple fruits, carrots, guacamole residue on tortilla chips, whole milk.

Honestly between your two posts I'd say that's not a bad diet at all. Truth? I'd go with with. They're getting enough nutrients from those items I wouldn't be concerned about malnutrition and you may find the food thing going better as they age. Make dinners you and your husband like and offer it to them. But have it in enough pieces or with an acceptable fee side dishes that they can eat some of it with no drama. If they're getting exactly what they want at two meals and just struggling with dinner I'd let dinner be a lighter meal for them for a few years and let it go.

 

Especially since it's wearing you out to manage this? Pick the path of least resistance over the food for a year or three. Really. They're eating enough things I wouldn't force the issue except asking for a bite or two of main course if they don't have a massive oral aversion to it.

 

I don't feed my kids the it-makes-me-vomit foods. Or I try really hard not to, anyway.

[Guest]

It is easy; do not buy Doritos or white bread for a few weeks. They may well complain, but they will likely eat whatever substitute you provide. You do not have to force them to eat it, and you can say, "here are the options. (have a lot of healthy ones). eat what you like." If you have a kid who really will only eat junk food or starve, that is a very very exceptional kid. They will likely complain and may even get slightly hungry; that is okay. If there is one of them who doesn't eat for 3 days because you don't have Doritos or other junk food, s/he needs an evaluation, imo. And *then* life gets fairly difficult, but not impossible. The chances you have that kid, instead of just kids who prefer junk food (who doesn't?) are pretty slim.

What she said.

[historically accurate]

I feel you, OP. I have a brother who was the vomit-on-the-table-because-mom-cooked-beans kid. Unfortunately, one of my kids took after her uncle. The other two are moderately picky partially because of the middle's food aversions and partially just because.

 

Oldest likes to eat: pb-n-j on hamburger buns, ramen, hot dogs, chicken, shrimp, some fish, plain cheese pizza, berries, nuts, eggs, spinach, and peas. She will not eat tortillas, pork, most veggies, or most fruits. She wants to be a vegetarian. I told her no unless she starts eating some actual veggies since her consumption of peas and spinach is a taste not a serving size.

 

Middle is my picky one. Her list of foods she will eat include: 1 type of flavored chicken, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, pizza (pepperoni or cheese), one fish recipe, most fruits. She will not eat most sandwiches, any veggies, sliced bread (she will eat tortillas & some buns), nuts or eggs.

 

Youngest is probably the best eater. She will not eat peas, hot dogs, cereal, dairy, or eggs.

 

None of them will eat pasta with tomato/white/pesto sauce, so no lasagna, spaghetti, etc. No one will eat ground beef or taco-flavored anything.

 

Typing this out makes me realize why meal planning makes me crazy, especially since DH's favorite flavor is Mexican. He likes spicy food best, and only the youngest will tolerate any spice. All of the kids like smoothies, pizza, and chicken nuggets. 2 out of 3 will eat plain chicken. There is one fish recipe everyone will eat. They will all eat pancakes or waffles - I try to sneak veggies in there occasionally. 2 out of 3 will eat oatmeal for breakfast; oldest won't touch it with a 10 foot pole. 

 

We've settled into "get your own breakfast", junky foods for lunch, fruit for snack, and chicken or fish with a veggie side for supper. We're trying gluten free since one of my kids has stomach issues and one is in the 0%ile for height, so that makes it even harder since some sort of bread was the go-to option that I knew everyone could eat.

Edited March 1, 2017 by beckyjo

[73349]

My kid will usually eat the broccoli but never the chicken (plain, with sauces, doesn't matter), unless it is well disguised (such as with a lot of mushrooms and peanuts in Japanese butter chicken).

 

I do a mix of strategies mentioned above and a couple of others:

Don't take it personally.

 

Offer something in the meal that everybody will like, even if no one person will eat all of it. Serve separately. I haven't made anything like a casserole in probably five years.

 

Offer assemble-it-yourself foods. (That's how we do Mexican. DH likes spicy food; DS and I don't. And salad at our house has four mixed ingredients in the big bowl and everything else in little bowls to take as you will.)

 

Try the more challenging food earlier in the day if we are getting overtired and cranky by dinner time. That was all of ages 3 and 4 at my house.

 

Discourage complaining at the table: remind kids they always have choices about whether and how much to eat, but not to make a fuss and bother everybody.

 

Have fruit/veggies out and available while cooking (DS calls it "wait-on food.").

 

This one is research-based: If there's a food you want the kids to try, have Daddy conspicuously eat it as a snack without offering to share, and act mildly reluctant if the kids ask for some.

 

Don't offer food after dinner that kids will hold out for. If somebody is going to live on bread, the bread should be on the table (in small quantities to encourage having other items as well) when dinner is served.

[lllll]

nm

Edited March 2, 2017 by --Kathy--

[Amy in NH]

While I am one to require three bites of everything, no alternate meals, and no dessert without a "good" dinner, I also let my (younger two) kids dip their food into the sauce of their choice for far longer than I would have liked in order to get them to eat meals.  Ranch dressing, BBQ sauce, ketchup, whatever it takes.  We have a sit down dinner every night, so they are accustomed to having everyone eating together the same foods.  They also had a hand in growing and cooking a lot of foods since they were small.  Now that they are older they no longer require the dip, and they are much less picky and more willing to try new things.

[SparklyUnicorn]

While I am one to require three bites of everything, no alternate meals, and no dessert without a "good" dinner, I also let my (younger two) kids dip their food into the sauce of their choice for far longer than I would have liked in order to get them to eat meals.  Ranch dressing, BBQ sauce, ketchup, whatever it takes.  We have a sit down dinner every night, so they are accustomed to having everyone eating together the same foods.  They also had a hand in growing and cooking a lot of foods since they were small.  Now that they are older they no longer require the dip, and they are much less picky and more willing to try new things.

 

lack of dessert is no threat here because we never have dessert

 

how common is dessert I wonder

[katilac]

Honestly between your two posts I'd say that's not a bad diet at all.  

 

I agree. It's not ideal, but it's decent, and a good base to build on.

 

Rotisserie chicken is a loss leader at a few stores in my area, so actually cheaper than cooking it at home. And I don't have to cook it, so win/win/win. 

 

If they like Parmesan on noodles, they might also like it on plain baked chicken. 

 

But for right now I would focus more on just dialing back the tension (and the Doritos) and letting them eat a lot of their favored foods. Like tonight, you could make one piece of chicken plain in case they want it, and boil up some noodles on the side. Boiling noodles or making a sandwich for the really littles doesn't irritate me. 

 

Even if you don't often verbalize your thoughts, your feelings about food are likely having a negative effect - kids can smell parental weaknesses the way animals can smell fear  :lol:

 

Also, don't feel bad about introducing them to junk food, they were going to meet it at some point! I've hosted tons of kid and teen activities over the years, and I have yet to meet the young person who didn't prefer junk over healthy food, when given the choice. Sure, you want to limit it, but don't feel bad about them loving it. 

[Catwoman]

lack of dessert is no threat here because we never have dessert

 

how common is dessert I wonder

We have dessert with almost every lunch and dinner. And sometimes after breakfast, too, if we have something really good in the house. :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

We have dessert with almost every lunch and dinner. And sometimes after breakfast, too, if we have something really good in the house. :)

 

Can I move in?

[Catwoman]

Can I move in?

Sure! Pick up a pie or some cookies on the way, ok?