Dealing with a slllooowww child

[Shellydon]

My nearly 8 yo is a slowpoke.  He needs constant prodding and poking to complete almost any task.  Today we left for co-op with him in his PJs.  I grabbed his clothes and toothbrush and he changed when we got there.  He had an hour to get ready and was still dipping his spoon in oatmeal and licking it off when it was time to go.  He'll take 30 minutes to sit on the toilet and poop unless I police him.  If there is something he wants to do, he is lighting fast and ready to jump into the activity (riding his bike, going to swim), however, everyday tasks take hours.  I often have to pick him up to get him across a parking lot or street because he drags his feet and barely moves.  He is making the entire family late for events, church and classes every week and I am absolutely worn out by constantly having to stay on top of his every move.    Any ideas to get him to moving faster? 

[Guest]

My son is 21. I have never once in my life been the last one to the car.

 

 

Get used to it.

[Shellydon]

My son is 21. I have never once in my life been the last one to the car.

 

 

Get used to it.

 

If that is the case, he has to go to school.  I cannot allow him to dictate the entire family's schedule. 

[Mimm]

I have one that's slow, and always has been. She's meticulous and a perfectionist and just... slow. She's in public school now (8th grade) but I think putting in while she was younger would have led to a lot of frustration, poor grades and her feeling badly about herself.

[MaeFlowers]

I don't have an answer for you but I'm listening in because I have one like this and could use some ideas. I told dh just this morning that ds eats with all the speed of a sloth. I know its good to eat slowly but this kid can take 20 minutes to eat a banana.

[Guest]

Or...you can find the way that this adds value

...or find the way to accommodate it into your family.

 

My life friend whose son is like this met and married his life's live. And it changed him. Please--for your own sake and for your kiddo's--find your way through this with acceptance and hope. It's worth it to be patient.

[myfunnybunch]

(Gently) He's not even 8. Sending him to school for something that is likely a part of how he processes the world seems extreme. I know that's easy for me to say....my 7/8's are long gone. Gosh, I miss them! But that gives me my "this too shall pass" deep breath perspective. Hugs.

 

Sounds to me like you handled it well. Taking the clothes along was brilliant. Honestly, I'd have been frustrated too.

 

I have two aaagonnizinggg slow kiddos. My slowpokes both needed lots of prompts, guidance, and natural/logical consequences. I needed lots of patience, flexibility, and tolerance. And I had to start by meeting them where they were, and accepting that (ahem, like their father) slow is a part of how they process the world. Once I realized that I cannot change their fundamental nature, we worked together to balance their slow without allowing it to infringe on the schedules of the rest of us. That meant teaching time management explicitly, one bit at a time--and wow! as a fast time-aware person, I didn't realize how many pieces I can juggle naturally until I had to break it down for folks who can't!

 

My slowpokes are a delightful adult and a delightful teen. They will probably never be quick multi-taskers. But they manage their lives pretty well. :) There is hope.

[heartlikealion]

Man, that's tough. My 8 yr old is a slowpoke in a lot of areas, but the walking across the parking lot thing sounds even more extreme. I need to make a chart for my son and he even requested one recently. I think an outlined list of what happens when might help us all stay on schedule. Also alarms. He responds better to Alexa (the Echo) going off than me hollering that it's time to do X. Mine will drag out meal time and bathroom visits as well.

 

Maybe setting an alarm for meal time would help if you can't be nearby to say, "ok, time to get ready. Put the oatmeal away" or whatever? I have done this before and probably need to try it again.

 

 

[heartlikealion]

If that is the case, he has to go to school.  I cannot allow him to dictate the entire family's schedule. 

 

I think you will run into the same battles. Getting dressed. Breakfast. Homework. This is my life right now. I told myself this routine might be good for us, but it's more or less just as stressful as homeschool was as far as starting/stopping activities.

 

Does he just not like co-op? Thus, no motivation to get ready?

[mom@shiloh]

I read the title of this thread and immediately (and very quickly!! )  my hand shot into the air.  :)

 

I do everything fast.  I multi-task.  Quickly.

 

I have one son who is sooooo slow. and I love the words of wisdom that have already been spoken in this thread.  It's a good reminder to me that my way isn't the only right way.  Looking for his good qualities -- compassion, tenderness, a servant heart -- helps me.  

 

 

[kewb]

Having a dawdlesaurus is frustrating. I have come to see that my son's dawdling was an early symptom of his executive function disorder. He simply has no concept of time or how long it takes to actually do a task. I wish I had known earlier and spent more time helping him come up with a strategy that works rather than years of frustration.

[marbel]

I think you will run into the same battles. Getting dressed. Breakfast. Homework. This is my life right now. I told myself this routine might be good for us, but it's more or less just as stressful as homeschool was as far as starting/stopping activities.

 

Does he just not like co-op? Thus, no motivation to get ready?

 

Yes.  Sending the child to school isn't going to change anything. You will have more opportunities to be late to things.  And unless the child is going to boarding school, you will still have church and other family activities to deal with.

 

I have a slow one.  Planning ahead and helping him set things up ahead of time helped a lot.  (Setting out clothing, including shoes, the night before, stuff like that.)  

 

Yelling did not.  (I'm not assuming you're yelling, OP!  Just passing on my own experience.)

[MotherGoose]

Timer, and take away the food when it goes off. Hunger is a motivator for my slow kids. Hold his hand going across the parking lot so he moves at a reasonable pace.

[Katy]

I've never dealt with anyone that slow, but I find timers help. I guess how long something should take if a kid is working quickly and add 20%.  So if a math worksheet should take 8-10 minutes, I say, okay, you've got 12 minutes to finish this.  Finish before hand with 100% correct answers, and you get the remaining minutes of (favorite screen time OR a break and as many M&M's as you have minutes left).  I hold down the siri button, ask for a timer for 12 minutes, and say "go" when the timer starts. When the child is done, I pause the timer, check their work, and if everything is 100%, let them have the remaining minutes on YouTube or CandyCrush or 4 M&M's or whatever is motivating to them.

 

ETA: The iPhone timer let you resume the countdown, so if a problem is wrong they can re-work it using the same minutes.

 

When you've done this sort of thing for every subject for a few weeks so they've gotten used to working faster, you can go for longer rewards,  "If you do your whole day's work before 11, we can go to the noon open swim at the Y,"  or, "You've been working so hard this week, if you finish today's work before the 2:15 matinee we'll go watch that movie you've been wanting to see."

 

We have ADHD here and sometimes I even use timers to motivate myself.  When I get behind on dishes I dread doing them.  I can put them off for half the day, making it only worse.  Only to put on a timer later and discover unloading and loading the dishwasher takes 2 minutes, and hand washing the rest typically takes about 8.  I've been stressing and dreading and avoiding all day for something that took all of ten minutes.  What was my problem?  It's not logical.  Timers make all the difference.

Edited November 11, 2016 by Katy

[prairiewindmomma]

Agreeing above that extreme slowpokiness here was a symptom of a bigger set of issues.....processing speed, executive functioning, etc.

 

I would start using a timer and demonstrate with him how to work within those time frames.

[Χά�ων]

I have one that's slow, and always has been. She's meticulous and a perfectionist and just... slow. She's in public school now (8th grade) but I think putting in while she was younger would have led to a lot of frustration, poor grades and her feeling badly about herself.

This is my son.

 

 

Everyone else is just slow moving, and it seems to be a difference in perception of time.

[Starr]

"What are you doing?" "Thinking thoughts."  It takes patience and teaching routines.  :grouphug:

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

My son is 21. I have never once in my life been the last one to the car.

 

 

Get used to it.

 

This is my experience as well. 

 

If that is the case, he has to go to school.  I cannot allow him to dictate the entire family's schedule. 

 

Honestly, my slowpoke's slowness was one of the main reasons we homeschooled. She was in preschool for two years before we started HSing, and we were never on time, not once, ever. No matter how much time I gave us, no matter how many tricks I tried, she could not be ready on time unless I literally stood over her for the entire experience and maybe even spooned food into her mouth for her. I can't even imagine the hell that getting ready for school every day would be. 

 

She is still the same. Thankfully I only have one other child, and our homeschooling life is fairly relaxed. I would lose my mind if we were constantly on the go.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Agreeing above that extreme slowpokiness here was a symptom of a bigger set of issues.....processing speed, executive functioning, etc.

 

I would start using a timer and demonstrate with him how to work within those time frames.

 

Also, this. I'm just now (thanks to a PM from a very kind poster after I asked a question here about this kid) starting to investigate processing speed as an issue. So far, from what I've read, she fits the bill in so many ways. So maybe it's something to think about for your little guy?

 

ETA: I really should have read the whole thread before replying! About timers...if your DS has any kind of anxiety at all, be cautious about the use of timers. We tried that when DD was younger, and it increased her anxiety SO MUCH, if I even mention timing something now she starts to get knotted up. She already has a lot of anxiety about not being able to go any faster, I'm very careful about doing anything to increase it. This may be something that differs between boys and girls, but our experience with timers hasn't been great. 

Edited November 11, 2016 by ILiveInFlipFlops

[Pawz4me]

Slow processing speed is a real issue. I'd do some research on it before using timers. Slow processing speed in and of itself can cause anxiety in many kids. Adding another stress element (a timer) only makes it worse.

[wendyroo]

He had an hour to get ready and was still dipping his spoon in oatmeal and licking it off when it was time to go.

 

When we reach this stage of the meal I assume that the kid is no longer really hungry, and is instead still sitting there just because moving on to the next task is too overwhelming.

 

I don't want them to get in the habit of nibbling for hours on end in order to avoid the stress of moving on to whatever is next.  I accept that the stress and anxiety and executive function difficulties are very real, but I want to avoid them using food as a way of escaping those feelings problems.

 

I don't use a timer because that caused both my ASD kiddo, my slowpoke kiddo and my preschool kiddo too much angst.  Instead, I sit with them and actively remind them to take bites.  "Keep eating."  "Focus on your food."  "Stop talking and take a bite now."  They have very little bodily awareness, so I can't rely on them knowing if they are still hungry (or tired or too hot or cold or sick to their stomach, etc).  When my maternal instinct tells me they have eaten enough, then I just support them through the transition to the next task.

 

I try to really structure our routines in a way that minimizes transitions.  Around here, pokiness often has little to do with avoiding the next task, and everything to do with the kids not knowing how to transition to the next task.

 

Wendy

[Guest]

.

Edited September 11, 2020 by Æthelthryth the Texan

[Shellydon]

Love the dawdlesaurus name.  No concerns about any learning disabilities, he is working ahead in most subjects.  He dislikes reading/phonics, but has no signs of dyslexia.   He can do the school work, it just takes forever because I have to say "do the next one" 700 times.  He is the kid that will swish the orange juice around in his mouth 15 times before swallowing, so it takes f.o.r.e.v.e.r to drink a cup of juice.  

I have 3 other children to school.  We have co-op, orthodontist appointments, dermatologist appointments, church etc.  I cannot just stay home because he is taking 2 hours to get dressed.  Ugh. 

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Well, I hate to say it, but generally, these kids are who they are. No amount of yelling at my DD or fussing at her or arguing with her has ever made her change. In fact, all those tactics have probably only contributed to the depression and anxiety we're currently working to remedy. So if you don't think you can find a way to work with/around him, you will, unfortunately, have to prepare yourself for quite a lot of strife, frustration, and angst on both your parts. You could send him to school, but that's really just exchanging one set of problems for another. I'm sorry we don't have better answers for you. Hopefully someone will have some other ideas.

[Anne in CA]

I have one that's slow, and always has been. She's meticulous and a perfectionist and just... slow. She's in public school now (8th grade) but I think putting in while she was younger would have led to a lot of frustration, poor grades and her feeling badly about herself.

This is part of why I STARTED home schooling. My oldest, a slowpoke for a lot of legitimate reasons, simply would/ could not keep up with public school. She basically failed fourth grade but they promoted her anyway. Her entire report card was zero after zero. I knew she hadn't learned anything the entire year and moving her into fifth grade was going to be a nightmare for me as she would be coming home with homework she hadn't listened to the instruction to, because she wasn't caught up to the class. Which had happened all fourth grade. She had come home with homework that had been discussed while she was still doing her last thing that she wouldn't put down when the teacher told everyone to move on. The fourth grade homework was so much freaking drama, I knew fifth would kill us.

 

My slowpoke also would never do any chore in a reasonable amount of time. She considered any attempt to hurry her "rude". Like the OP's child she hurried for things important to her, just nothing for anyone else.

 

Sooo here how I home schooled her so that she wasted all her own time and not mine.

 

First thing in the morning I put the baby in a gated area to play, put the 4yo on the computer with learning games right after I read our Bible out loud. Then I sat with oldest DD while she did math, keeping her on task, making her do her Saxon problem set with headphones on with a tape that made weird sounds and kept her focused. I forget what it was called, but it enabled her to complete a set of Saxon problems in about a half hour. 

 

Then I worked with the 4yo for that 1/2 hour. 

 

Then I did language arts with the other and she would finish this on her own time, if it took too long, she would have to do it after regular school hours. She could not play with friends until all her school work was done. For the rest of the morning I would do it the same way until PE. I would work through the lessons with her and do a few problems, but give her a set amount of time and save the rest for later, for her to do on her own time in the afternoon.

[Pawz4me]

Love the dawdlesaurus name.  No concerns about any learning disabilities, he is working ahead in most subjects.  He dislikes reading/phonics, but has no signs of dyslexia.   He can do the school work, it just takes forever because I have to say "do the next one" 700 times.  He is the kid that will swish the orange juice around in his mouth 15 times before swallowing, so it takes f.o.r.e.v.e.r to drink a cup of juice.  

I have 3 other children to school.  We have co-op, orthodontist appointments, dermatologist appointments, church etc.  I cannot just stay home because he is taking 2 hours to get dressed.  Ugh. 

 

Slow processing speed is a separate issue from learning disabilities.

[Shellydon]

Slow processing speed is a separate issue from learning disabilities.

 

No concerns about that at all. 

[Shellydon]

This is part of why I STARTED home schooling. My oldest, a slowpoke for a lot of legitimate reasons, simply would/ could not keep up with public school. She basically failed fourth grade but they promoted her anyway. Her entire report card was zero after zero. I knew she hadn't learned anything the entire year and moving her into fifth grade was going to be a nightmare for me as she would be coming home with homework she hadn't listened to the instruction to, because she wasn't caught up to the class. Which had happened all fourth grade. She had come home with homework that had been discussed while she was still doing her last thing that she wouldn't put down when the teacher told everyone to move on. The fourth grade homework was so much freaking drama, I knew fifth would kill us.

 

My slowpoke also would never do any chore in a reasonable amount of time. She considered any attempt to hurry her "rude". Like the OP's child she hurried for things important to her, just nothing for anyone else.

 

Sooo here how I home schooled her so that she wasted all her own time and not mine.

 

First thing in the morning I put the baby in a gated area to play, put the 4yo on the computer with learning games right after I read our Bible out loud. Then I sat with oldest DD while she did math, keeping her on task, making her do her Saxon problem set with headphones on with a tape that made weird sounds and kept her focused. I forget what it was called, but it enabled her to complete a set of Saxon problems in about a half hour. 

 

Then I worked with the 4yo for that 1/2 hour. 

 

Then I did language arts with the other and she would finish this on her own time, if it took too long, she would have to do it after regular school hours. She could not play with friends until all her school work was done. For the rest of the morning I would do it the same way until PE. I would work through the lessons with her and do a few problems, but give her a set amount of time and save the rest for later, for her to do on her own time in the afternoon.

 

This is a good idea for school work.  I need to adapt for everything else like brushing teeth and getting dressed.  I am packing a 'go' bag with his least favorite clothes and shoes and toothbrush/toothpaste.  If he isn't ready when we leave, he can get in the car in his PJs and change when we arrive at our destination

 

 

[MistyMountain]

If that is the case, he has to go to school. I cannot allow him to dictate the entire family's schedule.

Honestly it is not easy to deal with this issue with a school in the least even in a kid who is not behind academically in other ways. They will do everything you describe at school and be told it is from lack of motivation then you get the fun of homework after they have been in school all day.

 

Bright Kids Who Cannot Keep Up and Smart but Scattered are good if you want strategies.

Edited November 11, 2016 by MistyMountain

[Pawz4me]

No concerns about that at all. 

 

 

:confused1:  :confused1:

 

Then what is the point of this thread? The slowness you're seeing is almost certainly a processing speed issue. There is no shame or stigma if that's what you're afraid of. Many highly and profoundly gifted kids are slow processors.

[kitten18]

:confused1: :confused1:

 

Then what is the point of this thread? The slowness you're seeing is almost certainly a processing speed issue. There is no shame or stigma if that's what you're afraid of. Many highly and profoundly gifted kids are slow processors.

I agree.

 

Slow processing speed or ADHD or anxiety or something else. Or a combination of things.

As any 2e parent can tell you, just because they're bright and working ahead doesn't mean there isn't other issues.

[heartlikealion]

:confused1:  :confused1:

 

Then what is the point of this thread? The slowness you're seeing is almost certainly a processing speed issue. There is no shame or stigma if that's what you're afraid of. Many highly and profoundly gifted kids are slow processors.

 

Maybe she's viewing it as a stubbornness/behavior issue rather than a processing type thing. I actually went and googled slow processing because aside from "sensory processing" and "auditory processing" I hadn't heard of a term like this. It appears they may be a little different? Or overlap? I need to read more. But it gave me some food for thought.

[Shellydon]

:confused1:  :confused1:

 

Then what is the point of this thread? The slowness you're seeing is almost certainly a processing speed issue. There is no shame or stigma if that's what you're afraid of. Many highly and profoundly gifted kids are slow processors.

 

No, it isn't.  I am a special education/rehabilitation specialist that, among other things, frequently tests kids for auditory processing disorders.  This is absolutely NOT his issue.

 

[Pawz4me]

No, it isn't.  I am a special education/rehabilitation specialist that, among other things, frequently tests kids for auditory processing disorders.  This is absolutely NOT his issue.

 

 

Slow processing speed and auditory processing aren't the same thing. Surely you know that?

 

Please for your son's sake at least do some research (and preferably have him tested by a qualified professional) before you label him as lazy or as having a behavioral issue. Maybe slow processing speed really isn't his problem. But you don't really know that unless you have educational testing done.

[Arcadia]

Mine just change into clean shirt and jeans after brushing his teeth. Even if we were to oversleep, we can just run out of the door and eat the "emergency" snacks in the car. We have spare socks and clothes in the car as both my kids get carsick.

 

None of my kids would eat oatmeal. My oldest actually can't eat much when he wakes up. So what we do is let them have a cup of milk at 7:30am before leaving the house. My kids can have a morning snack (sandwich, naan, noodle salad) at around 9-10am. We do six small meals per day though.

 

I wasn't a slowpoke except for eating due to horrid gag reflux. However if it is something I couldn't care less about, I'm going to take my time doing it. My slowpoke would be dashing out the door for all the classes and activities he loves.

 

My local public school doesn't assign homework so I did send my kids there for a few years and they had a good time there. I did after school but at less than an hour a day, it was enjoyable since I could catch a nap in the mornings to recharge. If you want or need school to be your "free childcare" then that's your choice.

 

He simply has no concept of time or how long it takes to actually do a task.

 

My kid needed a watch because he even forgot that he can just look at the bottom of his laptop screen for the time. He'll be asking me what's the time while typing and I would be telling him to just look at the time on his laptop.

 

Timer, and take away the food when it goes off. Hunger is a motivator for my slow kids.

My slowpoke has no sense of hunger, he can forget to eat. My speedster forgets to eat too and then stalled like a car that runs out of fuel. Screen time is no motivator either.

 

ETA:

There is also perception. My oldest is so much a "hard" that by comparison my youngest is a "turtle". Luckily there are many "turtles" in my extended family and we just work round it.

Edited November 11, 2016 by Arcadia

[MistyMountain]

Auditory processing and slow processing are very different things with different symptoms. Even if it was not slow processing there is executive function issues going on. Getting things done or getting ready is something that is hard for him.

Edited November 11, 2016 by MistyMountain

[MotherGoose]

No, it isn't. I am a special education/rehabilitation specialist that, among other things, frequently tests kids for auditory processing disorders. This is absolutely NOT his issue.

 

I'm no expert, but it would seem to me that if he had true problems they would show up to some degree at least, even when doing things he wanted to do:). So, He couldn't get ready quickly, ever, but you say he can do things quickly when he wants to. Kids with problems (I do have a background in mental health) have some trouble accomplishing even things they want to do--less trouble, but still trouble. Too bad he's not old enough to be embarrassed by going places in his pjs or with unbrushed hair--but hoping this will no longer be a problem for you when he is! I end up setting timers at nearly every meal. I don't like doing it, but there's no reason, in our house, that lunch or breakfast should take an hour each. Is it possible he's not truly hungry for meals if he does lots of snacking? Mine will dawdle more if they have been snacking or if they don't much care for the meal.

[Mimm]

I will say my slow child is very smart. She definitely has some processing speed problems. She'll pick up a new math concept the very first time you explain it but take an alarmingly long time to remember what 4 times 5 is. (In direct contrast to my oldest who runs through life at breakneck speed and talks and thinks very quickly but needs repeated explanations to understand something, because her brain is busy moving ahead so quickly that she didn't bother to pause and understand what you just said. So she's freaking out over something really simple but if she'd just slow down a bit, she'd understand it. Don't think that faster is always better. If I could average these two kids out, I'd be golden.) :) She (the slow one) always worked at least a grade ahead but only because I made her not do repetitive work. Drilling just tortured her very soul. She doesn't need to do 20 problems to show you that she gets it. When I knew she understood, we moved on. Her workbooks were covered with crossed out exercises. Public school would have been horrible. Repetitive worksheets, time limits... These are things she's coping with now that she's older, but when she was younger, she simply couldn't have handled it.

 

I get that life is busy and you are tired of needing to hurry him along, but our slowpokes can teach us to pause and smell the roses too. :) I enjoy life at my middle daughter's pace. Sometimes. 

 

Though sometimes I'm the only one who understands my oldest when she's telling a story.

 

"Wegnslrefngsbnmolewpwpsbspoehgrotit!" - Oldest

"What?" -Husband

"She said, when we go to the movies can we buy some popcorn or should she eat a snack before?" -Me

 

[Arcadia]

I'm no expert, but it would seem to me that if he had true problems they would show up to some degree at least, even when doing things he wanted to do:). So, He couldn't get ready quickly, ever, but you say he can do things quickly when he wants to. Kids with problems (I do have a background in mental health) have some trouble accomplishing even things they want to do--less trouble, but still trouble.

Hyperfocus. The link is about ADHD and hyperfocus https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27681531

[MotherGoose]

Hyperfocus. The link is about ADHD and hyperfocus https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27681531

I thought hyperfocus pertained mainly to the actual event, not preparation for the event? So they could focus fine in a class they enjoyed or whatver, but the getting ready to go part was still a problem for them? It's been a long time since I worked in mental health but I remember many exasperated parents saying kiddo could focus fine on tv or whatever, but not on schoolwork.

[Arcadia]

I thought hyperfocus pertained mainly to the actual event, not preparation for the event? So they could focus fine in a class they enjoyed or whatver, but the getting ready to go part was still a problem for them?

My friend's ADHD 8th grade son could sprint from drop off to his 2hr programming class and stay absorbed until the class end. To him, the event starts from getting out of the house door to go to his favorite outside class and ends when the class ends. So he is much slower for going home after class part. Another friend's ADHD daughter behave similarly for going to her tennis class.

 

As for schoolwork, whatever interest them does get done well, and then my friends' kids are exhausted. That was a big reason the 8th grader was started on medication in 5th/6th so that the parents could see if it helps him during school days and full day summer camps.

[Shellydon]

Slow processing speed and auditory processing aren't the same thing. Surely you know that?

 

Please for your son's sake at least do some research (and preferably have him tested by a qualified professional) before you label him as lazy or as having a behavioral issue. Maybe slow processing speed really isn't his problem. But you don't really know that unless you have educational testing done.

 

I AM that qualified professional.  I am that person that other people take their kids to for testing.  I don't need to go down that road. You don't have to believe me, but that is not the route I need to take with this discussion.  Moving on

[almondbutterandjelly]

A chart helped my dd a lot.  Also, finishing the faster tasks first, so I made sure to put them in that order on the chart.  And then some nagging, "Do your chart.  Do your chart."

 

No other tips.  I like to think of my dd as a "stop and smell the roses" type of person, so that helped me re-frame my thinking.  She still takes forever to eat.  That's okay.  Better for the digestion, I imagine, and keeping a healthy weight.

 

Random thought... when my cousins were little, my aunt had them get dressed for school the night before, and they just slept in their clothes.  She had a lot of kids.  It worked.

 

 

[Plink]

An hour is not long enough for my child (with EF issues) to get ready and eat unless she is headed to an activity that she loves.  She spends lots of time thinking and planning in order to get through the morning.  To anyone on the outside, it will look as if she is staring into space, but she is active on the inside.  It isn't disobedience or poor behavior, it is a constant process of considering.  

 

Why doesn't this apply to tasks she loves?  She has motivation to move fast and often has been internally planning how she will get ready. The decisions are made.

 

What works?

 

Getting her up before the rest of the family - 2 hours to get ready, eat breakfast, and pack needed supplies seems to be her sweet spot.

Talking about our schedule the night before

Giving her her own daily planner so that she can check off completed tasks

Repeating the same pattern of behavior every day (brushing hair always comes immediately after brushing teeth)

Minimizing choices when the schedule is full - ex. everyone eats eggs and toast for breakfast, no exceptions

Setting her up for success by making her lunch or moving her shoes to the door

Giving her a countdown before natural deadlines (we must leave at 8:00, so at 7:45 and 7:55 child is informed of how many minutes left)

Teaching her how to schedule her own time using by thinking backwards when she has an event she is looking forward to

 

Most importantly: 

Recognizing that she can feel my anxiety about being late, and it causes her to mentally freeze, and therefore move slower rather than faster

Being her biggest cheerleader when she is successful

 

[Xahm]

Besides giving the kid pjs that you don't mind him going out in if necessary, my advice is to try giving odd amounts of time as warning. Like, you have 7 minutes and 30 seconds instead of 10 minutes. I did this with my slowpokes as a camp counselor and it was great. Kids get so used to 5 minute warnings that they don't pay attention, but something new shakes them up (if the problem is just dawdling). I don't know if it would work in a home setting, but it's super easy to try.

[MotherGoose]

An hour is not long enough for my child (with EF issues) to get ready and eat unless she is headed to an activity that she loves. She spends lots of time thinking and planning in order to get through the morning. To anyone on the outside, it will look as if she is staring into space, but she is active on the inside. It isn't disobedience or poor behavior, it is a constant process of considering.

 

Why doesn't this apply to tasks she loves? She has motivation to move fast and often has been internally planning how she will get ready. The decisions are made.

 

What works?

 

Getting her up before the rest of the family - 2 hours to get ready, eat breakfast, and pack needed supplies seems to be her sweet spot.

Talking about our schedule the night before

Giving her her own daily planner so that she can check off completed tasks

Repeating the same pattern of behavior every day (brushing hair always comes immediately after brushing teeth)

Minimizing choices when the schedule is full - ex. everyone eats eggs and toast for breakfast, no exceptions

Setting her up for success by making her lunch or moving her shoes to the door

Giving her a countdown before natural deadlines (we must leave at 8:00, so at 7:45 and 7:55 child is informed of how many minutes left)

Teaching her how to schedule her own time using by thinking backwards when she has an event she is looking forward to

 

Most importantly:

Recognizing that she can feel my anxiety about being late, and it causes her to mentally freeze, and therefore move slower rather than faster

Being her biggest cheerleader when she is successful

I definitely think that giving kids time to plan ahead helps. Perhaps OP is already doing this. But being a homeschooler, with different times to leave on different days, with diffeeemr schedules, makes it harder in some ways than if you must be dressed in certain clothes by a certain time everyday. My kids are now old enough that I can tell them to dress in "good" (going out ) or "bad" (staying in ) clothes. And my intention is That they get no breakfast until they are entirely ready including shoes if we are going out except for brushing teeth. This doesn't always happen, but it's a goal. If I don't do this, they will dawdle for an hour, eating, then no one is dressed and everything is a mess.

[Shellydon]

Besides giving the kid pjs that you don't mind him going out in if necessary, my advice is to try giving odd amounts of time as warning. Like, you have 7 minutes and 30 seconds instead of 10 minutes. I did this with my slowpokes as a camp counselor and it was great. Kids get so used to 5 minute warnings that they don't pay attention, but something new shakes them up (if the problem is just dawdling). I don't know if it would work in a home setting, but it's super easy to try.

 

This is a great idea!  Thanks!

[Shellydon]

A chart helped my dd a lot.  Also, finishing the faster tasks first, so I made sure to put them in that order on the chart.  And then some nagging, "Do your chart.  Do your chart."

 

No other tips.  I like to think of my dd as a "stop and smell the roses" type of person, so that helped me re-frame my thinking.  She still takes forever to eat.  That's okay.  Better for the digestion, I imagine, and keeping a healthy weight.

 

Random thought... when my cousins were little, my aunt had them get dressed for school the night before, and they just slept in their clothes.  She had a lot of kids.  It worked.

 

I'd totally have him sleep in clothes if I could get him to do it!

[Incognito]

We have dawdling around here too.  One thing that helps is kids have to be dressed before breakfast.  Also, breakfast must be started by a certain time or it is restricted to something quick/small/short.  I'm thinking about making hair brushing a prerequisite to breakfast too, although that is possible to do in the car.

 

[Gentlemommy]

I have a slow poke...or rather they are dreamer children and get distracted a ton. I used to get frustrated until I realized this is just their person, they can't help it. We have visual signs of what happens (morning and night), I try to teach them to plan ahead (get water bottles and snacks prepared way in advance), and I let them sleep in leggings and a tee shirt so they don't have to change. 😳 That drives my hubby crazy but I don't see the difference between that and a set pair of pajamas honestly. I have timers on my phone to keep us all on track. I do lots of time reminders (30 minutes until we leave, 10 minutes, 5...) and I accompany those with what they need to get done (30 minutes until we leave, please get your water bottle and snack ready, 10 minutes until we leave, please go to the bathroom, 5 minutes, please get your shoes on and head to the car).

We are a busy family, and I agree, one or two slow kiddos can not be ruining plans or making everyone late all the time. However, this probably isn't something he is doing purposefully, and you'll get better results and les frustration if you will find ways to accommodate and help rather than punish or shame. Hope that helps.

Edited November 12, 2016 by Gentlemommy