Making a suggestion without looking like a jerk

[SKL]

I'm having a rough week trying to balance parenting and work.  I have a huge (government-imposed) work deadline and many smaller deadlines to meet before we fly overseas next Tuesday.  Most nights I average about 2 hours of sleep.  My clients want to interact with me during regular work hours, my support staff is on the other side of the planet so they want me to work overnight with them.  And the rest of the time I'm carting my kids back and forth to camps.  This week is one of the most important summer camps for us - a "culture camp" for adopted kids of Latin American origin.  I only wish it didn't always coincide with my most nightmarish work deadline every year.

 

This camp's hours are 9:30am to 4:00pm.  This is really not ideal for working parents!  Many of the families have taken vacation so they can be involved and volunteer at camp and hang out with the other families.  That's great!  Then there's me, who is driving my kids to & from camp during rush hours / business hours every day.  Between my work schedule and various traffic issues, I've picked up my kids late from camp multiple times.  People are understandably displeased.  They asked me to strategize some way to address this problem.  Putting aside my embarrassment, I can think of some ideas that would help not only me, but the camp volunteers and other working parents.  I suspect some working parents simply don't register for the camp because it just isn't compatible with work schedules.

 

I've tried different work-arounds, such as working at a nearby library or coffee shop and even having conference calls in my car in the parking lot - which doesn't work great because of internet connection and/or noise issues.  I've asked if I could hang out and work in some corner of the church where they hold the camp, but no.  I tried a carpooling arrangement but that ended up not working out.  So this year I just did the drive, but every day there has been some problem.

 

So here are some thoughts for future camps ...

 

• Have 2 designated caregivers in a designated room (or the playground) to stay with kids whose parents don't arrive at exactly 4pm.  (Currently they are making all the kids stay with their classroom counselors - 2 deep - so if 1 kid in each of 3 classrooms gets picked up late, that's 6 volunteers who are annoyed, along with their bosses ...)
• Call it aftercare and charge for it!  I would be happy to pay, and I'm sure some counselors would be happy to do the job if they knew to expect it.  Keep it open until 5 or 6 o'clock.  Shoot, I would pay the whole cost myself rather than stress over a stupid 4pm pickup every day.
• Set an earlier start time so people can drop off their kids without taking half of the morning off of work.

Problem is, if I make a suggestion, do I look like a rotten entitled disorganized jerk?  I don't have a sweet face or charismatic personality.  Especially when I haven't slept.  :P  Maybe I should just suck it up - which I'm trying to do!  But seriously, this week I considered writing this camp out of our future summer plans - it's that stressful.  I don't want to hurt my kids, but man ... something's gotta give.

 

What would you do?

[TravelingChris]

I like the idea of aftercare.  I can see how this camp is really a problem for working parents.

[Rosie_0801]

I think it is worth offering to pay someone to stay later, especially if you're able to pay a bit more per hour.

[wendyroo]

I would say something...but not right now.

 

I think the camp organizers might be much more amenable to your suggestions if you waited until the fall and sent them a carefully worded letter along the lines of:

My girls loved camp and I am thrilled that this opportunity exists, but as a working parent I really struggled with the logistics.  I had a few ideas that I know would have helped make the camp experience less stressful for me and my children and might benefit other working families...

 

Wendy

[Ali in OR]

Absolutely share with the directors how they can make the camp more user-friendly. This might work best before camp begins when you're not already fried--maybe when it's time to sign up next year. Or as comments on how to improve at the end of camp--some camps do use surveys to get feedback. Even if they don't, you could go ahead and give them some! I think your suggestions are good.

[mommyoffive]

The after care idea is great.  I can't believe they haven't done it to make it easier on working parents. 

[Xahm]

If you make the suggestions now, I would do it in a two-pronged way. First, sorry for being late, I know it's rude and inconvenient for you. Here's what I'm doing to try and fix it. Second this is a great camp and I think it would be more accessible for working families if... These things would hopefully make things not only better for parents but also make a great camp run even more smoothly for all involved.

[J-rap]

I think it's a great idea!  I'd recommend it.  In the meantime, would you ever feel comfortable hiring a taxi for one of the daily trips?  

[zimom]

I second what others have said about addressing it at a later date, especially when you are not so fried/emotional about the situation.   May I also add that when you address the issues and solutions that you mention that XYZ country allows for single mothers/parents to adopt, therefore you must not be the only single working mother struggling with this schedule.  They may have blinders on that a two parent family should be able to work around, swapping kids and rides, something that is ten times harder for a single parent.  

[Tita Gidge]

If it were me, the suggestion I made would be to have an exit survey - an anonymous survey, if appropriate.

 

And in that survey is where I'd offer feedback on current camp practices. I'd imagine I wasn't the only one with these, or other, concerns. Plus, for someone who isn't naturally charismatic, it offers the opportunity to also state what the camp does well. This will help couch the suggestions LOL. And the format lends itself to concise, matter of fact communication.

 

But really what I'd do in your situation is just put that money towards hiring someone to drive and/or pick-up. It might be a great way for an existing camp worker to pick up a few bucks, or a fellow mom-friend who might like a little spending money. I've done this for a friend. It was easy money for me, and peace of mind for her!

 

O/T: I love that there are camps like this, what a fantastic experience for your girls!

 

 

[KungFuPanda]

Can you pay someone who already works there to care for your kids on the premises or nearby? Buying just one more hour of time might ease your mind a lot.

[EmseB]

If you're willing to pay for after care, why not a sitter with a car to pick them up and take them home?

[nd293]

Our school spent at least 4 of the 5 years we've been there insisting aftercare was impossible until one parent on the council did all the work and went to them with a precise proposal. Yes, there is demand. No, your insurance does not cut off at 3pm and preclude other parties operating on the premises. Etc etc.

 

That's what I would suggest then: come up with a precise proposal about how each option would work and what the costing would be and how many parents would be needed for it to break even. We were sent a link for an online survey to gauge interest - perhaps you could set up a "dummy" survey to show the organisers how it would work.

 

Alternatively, would it be feasible for you to hire an au pair or at least a driver for this period to take the pressure off? I know a couple of mothers who do this. In one case the au pair had most of the day off but did the school run and some after school care. In another it was only during the summer holiday months.

[foxbridgeacademy]

If that doesn't work out can you make arrangements with 1 of the volunteers to keep your kids until you get there, offer to pay $X for 1 more hour?  This would be outside of the regular program so no need to involve management.

[Farrar]

I don't think I've ever even heard of a camp that doesn't have aftercare or a standard charge for more than x amount of time late pickup (usually fifteen minutes IME). I'd make the suggestion to them couched that way - as in, this is standard practice for camps.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

sounds very very tricky

[SKL]

I did hire a college student one summer to drive my kids around.  Problem is, it's hard to find a responsible adult who happens to be free to drive kids around on demand.  I don't need someone long term, just for this one week.  (I chose mostly full-time camps for my kids to avoid these problems.)  I don't really know any of the other people at camp - the friends I've made in the adoption community have all opted out of the camp the past 2 years.

 

I hadn't thought of the taxi idea, but that would be way more expensive than a couple hours of child care.  I guess it's something to look into for the future.

 

I can't wait until my kids can drive themselves around!

[Stacia]

Is there a local mom's group? Perhaps you could hire a stay-at-home mom for that week to do the pick-up &/or drop-off for you? For some extra cash & just a week of work, I know quite a few stay-at-home moms who would gladly pick up a job like that.

 

And, I'd give the camp feedback on how to improve it/modify it to better suit working parents too.

[aggieamy]

If you have a local College Tutors + Nannies you should look into them.  You can basically hire an on call babysitter with just a few hours of notice.  It's much easier than trying to get a teenager to watch your kids between their own activities and friends and family vacations. 

[Liz CA]

In regards to writing a letter, wait until you have cooled off a little if you fear it would come too acidic at the moment.

I can only imagine how overwhelmed and tired you must be.

Does KidKab or something like it exist in your area? It would cost you extra but they are licensed, bonded and a legit cab company that specializes in the transport of minors. If that's not feasible, I'd try again to secure a person who wants to earn some extra money just to chauffeur kiddos there in morning and pick them up in evening. It sounds like you need every available minute of the day right now. If not a college student, perhaps someone who is retired? Church connections?

[kirstenhill]

I agree, it is surprising they don't offer after care!  I think pretty much every camp I have ever signed my kids up for that was more than just a two hour class at the rec center offered this.  Even though we don't need it, I'm thinking this must be "standard procedure" for camps to offer it and I think at some point it would be good to point it out to them (probably after this week of camp is over though). 

[SKL]

I'm glad for the support here - I was afraid I'd be strung up for being such a sucky mom.  :P

 

I will make the suggestion after the dust settles.  I do think it will make the camp more attractive to families like mine, which hopefully will be seen as a plus by the organizers.  :)  And it could be a revenue raiser, since they staff with volunteers and probably would get free services for the aftercare part.

[Carrie12345]

Every camp I've ever investigated offers aftercare, and my kids hate that we never use it, lol.

 

I have zero advice on the approach. I always land on the jerky side!

[Daria]

If the camp is all volunteer run, then perhaps you could call after camp is done and say 

 

1. Thank you so much, I appreciate all that you've done.

 

2.  I'd like to volunteer too.

 

3.  Specifically, I'd like to take on the task of problem solving before and after care.

 

4.  Can I start researching, and we can set up a time to review options?
 

I'd add that it's likely that the church is setting the hours, and that they may have issues with people on campus before or after those hours, so I'd look into other options.  Is there someplace within walking distance that a group could meet and rent space (a gym, a library, a community center) and then walk over with supervision before hand, and return after?  Maybe even a co-op group where you get 5 families and each family provides coverage for all the kids X number of times?  

Alternately, is there a daycare center who would be  In our area many daycares do pick ups and drops off for afterschool care.  So, they already own vans, which are used for field trips in the summer.  Could they do early morning/late day runs?

[vonfirmath]

I immediately crossed off our list camps that were partial day and did not have before/after care solutions to make it at least nearly a full day's work.  Oh and I DON't have tight deadlines every week of camp.

 

But I have run into camps like that -- they seem to be aiming more for kids of Stay at home parents than for childcare alternatives for working parents.

 

[SKL]

I doubt that the issue is the hours they can use the church.  There is always a number of adults and kids hanging around afterwards, I guess finishing up their volunteer work.  And there is nothing else happening at the church that aftercare would conflict with.

 

I will be interesting to learn what, if anything, stopped them from offering aftercare up to now.  Maybe they didn't think it was needed since so many of the families focus their week around the camp.  Maybe there really is a logistical issue that I don't know about.

[Tita Gidge]

Our church isn't always able to offer childcare or aftercare because that ministry is volunteer run and there aren't always enough volunteers (or rooms - the church or diocese, I'm not sure which, has specific guidelines about mixing ages and how many extra rooms and volunteers might be needed to make those accommodations. It's policy at our parochial schools also when kids wait to be picked up from school.) 

 

It's not as easy as "Well, I see people there and we were using the rooms for camp already, so what's the big deal?" ... at least, that's the answer I received from the church secretary when I asked about a similar situation for a 3-day clinic I ran last winter. Hopefully your contact won't be as sour when replying to your inquiry LOL.