the vaguest title ever

[AnthemLights]

PLEASE DON"T QUOTE

 

Trying to keep this real vague so I don't regret posting.   :001_cool:

 

Without saying too much, can someone educate me about the rights of a mom who neglects her child, gives him away (no formal paperwork) "until she has her life straightened out". and then doesn't do anything to actually straighten out her life.  No job, no home, substance abuse.  Refuses to go to rehab.  Or, maybe I should ask what the rights/responsibilities (if any) of the "foster" mom are.

 

And I think that's about all I want to say.   Maybe you all could make this a general discussion, because the less I post, the better, I think.

 

If someone wants to PM me, I wouldn't mind.  Thanks.

 

ETA - child is not a relative and also too young to worry about school at this point.

Edited May 27, 2016 by nytomt

[Slache]

You might want to put PLEASE DON'T QUOTE at the top of your post. Not advice, but hugs and good luck. I imagine it varies by state.

[hornblower]

I think this person need to consult a lawyer asap. 

[Ottakee]

The person caring for the child needs some sort of legal backing.... guardianship, etc.

[Excelsior! Academy]

It varies by state.  In our state the legal term is private kinship, in other states private kinship means something else entirely. I, unfortunately, have quite a bit of personal experience with this and would be willing to converse via private message.

[AK_Mom4]

I think that unless CPS is involved or there are some legal proceedings going on, then it's all just hand-waving.

 

Back in the day, my cousin lived with us for a year (he was 12) after being dropped off one day at our house while his mom "got her life together".  More recently, we played "temporary parents" to three kids while their mom voluntarily committed herself for addiction treatment.  She didn't want to risk losing custody, so arranged for us to care for her kids.  It all ended up with CPS eventually (complicated) and we were approved as emergency foster parents for them until a relative could make arrangements to travel and take custody of the kids - that took nearly two months with court hearings and all.

 

When this was going on, I felt it was our responsibility to take care of the kids and make sure they were OK - regardless of what their mom was going through.  When the legal stuff started, we helped as best we could and tried to keep the kids' day-to-day (sports, fun stuff, regular bedtimes) stable while things got worked out.  And we helped transition them to their relative's home and tried to make it as smooth as possible for them.

 

 

Hope this helped.

[Seasider]

The person caring for the child needs some sort of legal backing.... guardianship, etc.

Yes because what if there were a medical emergency? A legal guardian would have to grant permission for certain things, or risk losing the child to state custody (not necessarily the unofficial "foster" family mom left the child with).

[Excelsior! Academy]

The person caring for the child needs some sort of legal backing.... guardianship, etc.

 

Yes!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Providing medical care and enrolling the child in school would be very difficult without guardianship. 

[Excelsior! Academy]

Providing medical care and enrolling the child in school would be very difficult without guardianship. 

 

It can be done, difficult though it may be.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

This is state specific but one site's explanation of how caregivers in that state works.  I would suggest that the OP looks for state specific information.

 

http://uwc.211ct.org/kinship-caregiversgrandparents-raising-grandchildrencustodial-relatives/

[AnthemLights]

Should have made it clear in OP, child is not a relative.  All the information I have found online seems to deal only with those related although maybe I just don't know the proper search terms.

[Katy]

I would legally file for custody if it were me.

[JoJosMom]

I think this person need to consult a lawyer asap. 

 

Definitely. :iagree:

[trulycrabby]

My advice to this person is to get an attorney and get guardianship asap. It is for the child's and the caretaker's protection, because the mother could demand the child back at any time and the caretaker would have no legal recourse but to hand over the child.

 

:grouphug:

[Daria]

In DC, where I used to live, if you know a child and a family member asks you to care for them, you're considered "fictive kin" and the relationship becomes a kinship.  For example, a student of mine went into foster care and I explored the possibility of becoming their foster parent.  In that case it would have been a kinship placement.  

 

I agree that the person in this situation wants legal guardianship, for two reasons.  One is to have a paper trail so that down the road you have some hope of influencing decisions for this child.  That's far from a sure thing, but at least you'd have documentation.  The other is, as people have said, in the case of medical emergency or school enrollment.

 

I will say that kinship and fictive kinship placements are very common in DC, and it is not uncommon for the courts to order reunification for kids who have been away from home for years.  I had a student once who had spent 7 years with almost no contact (he was 7.5 years old, so had no memory of his birthmother), who had his plan changed to reunification.  This is despite a formal "permanent guardianship" agreement.  

[mamiof5]

No idea. Lots of sympathy and many,many prayers for child and adult taking care of him. Sounds like a very messy situation :(

[AnthemLights]

In DC, where I used to live, if you know a child and a family member asks you to care for them, you're considered "fictive kin" and the relationship becomes a kinship.  For example, a student of mine went into foster care and I explored the possibility of becoming their foster parent.  In that case it would have been a kinship placement.  

 

I agree that the person in this situation wants legal guardianship, for two reasons.  One is to have a paper trail so that down the road you have some hope of influencing decisions for this child.  That's far from a sure thing, but at least you'd have documentation.  The other is, as people have said, in the case of medical emergency or school enrollment.

 

I will say that kinship and fictive kinship placements are very common in DC, and it is not uncommon for the courts to order reunification for kids who have been away from home for years.  I had a student once who had spent 7 years with almost no contact (he was 7.5 years old, so had no memory of his birthmother), who had his plan changed to reunification.  This is despite a formal "permanent guardianship" agreement.  

 

That's sad and not right and discouraging.   :crying:

[TravelingChris]

I concur with others.  THat person should go to a lawyer to help her get a guardianship.  

[Luckymama]

Oh man :grouphug:

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[Melissa in Australia]

The "foster mom" needs to start procedures for TPR IMMEDIATELY.  Until TPR (termination of parental rights) happens, the "foster mom" is only a "foster mom" and not a FOSTER MOM.  What that means is....foster mom has no rights.  If said child climbs on a dresser and pulls it on top of himself, "foster mom" can do nothing but call 911.  However, FOSTER MOM can sign consent for life saving surgeries.  Not to mention, sign child up for school, or special needs evaluations, or whaever else.

hmm. Here until 2 weeks ago when I got guardianship of twins and was only fostering them I could not sign a single piece of paper, even in an emergency. DHS or birth parents would have to sign it, and if it was an emergency then a GP could sign it, but not me.

 

so  was in the situation where the preschool might want to go for a nature walk - I would need 2 months notice so DHS could try and track down birth parent to get a signature. Silly but really happened.

[Scarlett]

This happened in AR. An in law of mine has a drug addicted niece who gave birth to a preemie and then proceeded to leave him OFTEN with my in law. I mean from just weeks old when he still had a baby oxygen tank with him. This went on for a couple of years...she would show up every few weeks and take him for a day or two or more and drop him back off to 'visit'......dirty etc.

 

One day my in law went down to the attorney's office, told him the story and by weeks end she had temporary guardianship and the niece didn't fight it because she was a drug addict....eventually the niece mother ( sister to my in law) got involved and fought for her grandmother rights....but that didn't work so they paid for the nieces legal to try to get her kid back but she couldn't stay clean long enough.....she finally went to prison...what a mess.

 

My in law now has permanent guardianship and the niece still has visitation. It it is very limited and her mom is required to be the supervisor.

 

The only thing my in law did wrong was at one point stop allowing visitation without a court order. The counselor had told my inlaw visitation needed to stop because of some things the boy was telling the counselor...but you can't take it upon yourself to override a court order....and the judge ripped into my in law about that. The boy is now about 8. Healthy and happy. Sees his grandmother a few times a month....no overnights I don't think....and his birth mom whenever she finds a few minutes for him. Drugs still come first to her obviously.

[Truscifi]

The "foster mom" needs to start procedures for TPR IMMEDIATELY.  Until TPR (termination of parental rights) happens, the "foster mom" is only a "foster mom" and not a FOSTER MOM.  What that means is....foster mom has no rights.  If said child climbs on a dresser and pulls it on top of himself, "foster mom" can do nothing but call 911.  However, FOSTER MOM can sign consent for life saving surgeries.  Not to mention, sign child up for school, or special needs evaluations, or whaever else.

 

Um, TPR is the last step in a very long process moving through the foster system, and one that most cases never reach. It is not needed for guardianship or for the state to place the child with someone in the foster system. 

 

I would suggest the OP immediately consult an attorney about getting guardianship.

[AnthemLights]

Ugghh...I keep typing up responses and then erasing them because they say too much.

 

I think it would be too early to seek guardianship or anything like that.  Not enough history.  I think I just have to wait and see what happens.  I just feel awful that I have to wait until things get worse before I have any viable options.

 

Thanks everyone for your help.

 

 

[Harriet Vane]

Guardianship is not a difficult thing to do nor does it have to be permanent. It is not the same as termination of parental rights, which is much, much, much more difficult.

 

A friend of mine was able to get guardianship of a teenager she was caring for. Mother was drug-addicted and generally a hot mess. My friend's lawyer drew up a simple document stating that Mother agreed to give my friend guardianship and to care for her son. There was verbiage about my friend being able to direct his education, medical needs, and that my friend was allowed to travel anywhere in the world with him. Mother signed in the presence of a notary, and my friend brought the notarized document to court, Judge affirmed it and voila! guardianship was attained. The mother felt comfortable because it could be revoked (legally, in court) and because she was not losing her parental rights permanently. My friend was comfortable with it because she knew this woman would never get it together well enough to take my friend to court to get her kid back.

 

With guardianship, you have the power to deal with doctors and school systems. Without guardianship you cannot get anything done and you are tied to the drug-addicted mother for signing papers and other things. 

[Harriet Vane]

Just read your last post, so I will add this:

 

Get the guardianship. If this is going to be for more than a couple weeks, just get the guardianship. It does not have to be a promise to raise this kid and pay for college. It can be an administrative support so you can take care of the kid effectively (doctors, schools, travel out of state, etc.).

[athomeontheprairie]

One of dh's co workers is in this situation. In their case they've has the little girl 10 years. When it first happened they went to a lawyer. They don't receive child support, but can make medical decisions, and I don't think the dad can just come in on a whim and demand his dd back. They treat her like their own-in every way.

It can be done, and done well