A little annoyed - ballet recital - maybe a vent

[Bluegoat]

I am a little annoyed at the way my son's first ballet recital is organized.  My mom thinks I should complain to the owner of the studio - more for the future as it is now to late to change things this year.

 

I'm somewhat disinclined - I am non-confrontational person I guess.  My mom, FWIW, knows the owner as my sister danced at the studio for many years, my mom was the board seceratary for a while.

 

They always have two recitals at the end of the year, on the same day - there are too many classes for just one.  They have the same principle dancers, but the groups are different.  The earlier show is at about noon, the later at 6.  They try and have most of the younger kids in the earlier show, but it seems hard to get them all.

 

My dilemma is this - my son is 6.  He is in the pre-primary class, which is strictly speaking for 5s, but I decided to put him more by grade - he has tended to have a little less self-control than some kids his age and I thought he might find the behavior expectations more appropriate.  As it turns out, he had no problem and is actually the best listener in the class.

 

His show is going to be the six o-clock, and his group won't appear until towards the end, they are the 23.  They have to arrive for the dress rehearsal at 4:45.  When they are not dancing they are generally back-stage, the older girls and some volunteer parents entertain them.  The show will probably run 2.5 hours, which is to say until the time he is normally in bed.

 

I am really worried he is going to be very tired and not easy to get along with.  My mom's original thought was maybe I should just say he could not make it.  He would be devastated though - he has a prince costume and is very excited about the whole thing.

 

I'm trying to figure out how to make this work for him without a meltdown.  I am probably going to take him home as soon as his dance is finished.  I don't really want to rock the boat - I know the whole thing is a huge organizational nightmare.

[wendyroo]

Could you have him take a nap or rest time that day?  Even an hour spent laying in bed listening to audio books might really help refresh him for the evening.

 

Also, I would make sure he gets a high-protein, low-sugar dinner that evening - special events so often mean grabbing fast, fun food which can exacerbate behavioral issues.

 

Wendy 

[displace]

That is crazy for the show to be so long and the littles waiting the whole time! And backstage by themselves (without their parents). What are they going to do for 2 hrs?

 

Fwiw, I think he may be excited and not sleepy (hopefully) even though it's late. But they should try to switch the littles to perform first or second. Gosh. I'd ask if you can come even an hour later, or the class he's in if they can all show up later, or get with the parents and ask if they'd support a type of request to have your class perform first in the late time slot. And to keep littles quiet for 2.5 hours backstage? Not possible.

[Bluegoat]

They already have the littles come much later than the other dancers, but I don't think it's possible to push it back longer, because they need to do a dress rehersal.  They also can't change the order as it is all part of a story.

 

I actually wouldn't be worried about the backstage time if it were earlier - they seem to have a lot of fun, teen girls are more exciting than moms I guess.  It's really the time of night.

 

The meal point is a good one though.  I guess we will have an early supper - and maybe I will send a snack too.

[happi duck]

Could you have him take a nap or rest time that day? Even an hour spent laying in bed listening to audio books might really help refresh him for the evening.

 

Also, I would make sure he gets a high-protein, low-sugar dinner that evening - special events so often mean grabbing fast, fun food which can exacerbate behavioral issues.

 

Wendy

This is a great idea! It could become part of recital day tradition.

 

Iiwm, I wouldn't complain. I think it actually sounds organized! I'm sure a studio this big has dealt with tired, antsy kids backstage before. Just my two cents!

[Bluegoat]

Yes, the nap - or I guess it would probably be quiet time - is a good idea too. 

[Starr]

I volunteered to be back stage with the kids when they were that young. Maybe you could do that and bring some quiet activities and snacks. 

[Valley Girl]

Maybe there are factors that make it necessary, but having a dress rehearsal right before the performance seems odd to me. Would it make more sense to have it on a different day so the kids are fresh and not worn out from the practice and the waiting?

[Sugarfoot]

I think the situation you're describing is fairly common, and definitely far from ideal. Unfortunately, around here, anyway, things are unlikely to change due to many factors--logistics being one of them--the theatre availability, etc. 

 

[happypamama]

Yeah, I remember that from DD's ballet days.  It's hard.  It's a long day, but the adrenaline of performing will probably help him keep going.  (Expect a big crash after, though.)  We used to have movies (extremely limited snacks -- they're risky with costumes), toys, etc. backstage to keep the kids occupied, but it's just plain a long day/evening.  Definitely give him a lying down rest/nap if you can.

 

I wouldn't bring it up this year, as you said.  And I might not bring it up overall, unless there was a place for leaving general comments about the year, because it's small in the grand scheme of things, but if there was a place where I could mention it, I probably would.  There might be only so much they can do, but if enough people mention it, they might try to arrange things differently.

 

(Fwiw, we never did a full story sort of thing, but I know they couldn't rearrange the order because they needed the younger kids, who were usually just in one number, to go between the older students, who were often in multiple numbers, so the older ones had time to change costumes.  Sometimes there's just only so much they can do.)

[amsunshine]

I think it would be reasonable to ask the studio if your son could go backstage at intermission. This is the way all my dds recitals were handled when they had littles dancing only in the 2nd half of a show. Silly to have them backstage any longer than they need to be.

[catz]

Stuff like this is just super common in the performing arts.  If it's for one event a year, I'd probably roll with it unless this studio is big and organized enough to do annual surveys.   I do think asking if your child can go back stage at intermission is reasonable at this point.  Days like that, we tend to just have down days before.  Laying at home, watching movies, etc.  It's much easier now that my kids are older! 

[Farrar]

While I think they're setting the kids up for... failure is too strong a word, but I would say less than optimal performance - they probably had to set some group or other up for that and you just got unlucky. And, hey, kids can rise to the occasion. I agree that this sort of thing is common in the performing arts. Both my boys a performing art. When ds started doing Nutcracker, I was amazed at the long days and nights they expected of the kids. But the studio is used to it and the kids rise to it. It's one day. Do what you can to prep him, try to get him to nap or have a quiet time, load him up with good food, talk about it beforehand... and then hope for the best.

 

If you want to talk to the studio, I think that's okay. But I'd phrase it as a mild disappointment. Like, gee, I wish he could have done the afternoon one, I think it works out so much better for the littles if they don't have a late night. I wouldn't go into it with a confrontational, you messed up sort of attitude. I'd assume they did the best they could.

[mom2scouts]

Well, our studio has two identical recitals on Friday and Saturday night. All the dancers, including the 4 year olds, are in both shows which start at 7:30 pm and aren't over until 10:30 pm. Nobody is allowed to leave before curtain call. Yes, it's a long day and the kids get tired, but they're usually excited enough to get through it. This kind of schedule is very common in dance and other performing arts and your other option is to not have him do the recital until he can handle it. Our studio owner has been doing this for 24 years and complaints would just having her say your child isn't ready for the performances.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wouldn't complain.  He's not the only child to be in this situation and it sounds like they manage to handle it even if it is a long day.  It comes with the territory. 

[The Governess]

My girls have been involved in dance since they were preschoolers. I can say that every single director we've worked with has tried very hard to create a theater schedule that works for everyone... but every year multiple people are upset: their dancer's dances weren't scheduled in the same show so now they have to buy tickets to multiple shows; their dancers were put in two different shows and now their extended family has to choose who to watch; their kid was scheduled in a late show; the dress rehearsal times that were included in the performance information suddenly aren't convenient.... you get the idea. It's impossible to make a show schedule that makes everyone happy. Our director was literally hiding in her office last week because of moms that weren't happy with the show schedule that she spent days putting together with the very best intentions for all involved. My advice would be to tell your mom to extend some grace because it truly is a hard assignment!

 

Like other posters said, the excitement and adrenaline will work in your son's favor, and he will probably do just fine. I personally wouldn't consider pulling him out of the dance, as that would likely cause the teacher to have to rework choreography with the remaining dancers, and she is probably already stressing about having them ready for the show as it is. I would just send him off, enjoy the show, and let the experience help you decide if you want him to participate in the future or not. :)

Edited May 8, 2016 by lovelearnandlive

[teachermom2834]

Dance recitals can be hard on the little ones. Some owners put the little kids at the end of shows so that everyone stays the whole time. In most studios the little kids bring the most spectators and they want a captive audience to the end. I have actually heard directors say this.

 

It was our first year at a new studio and recital was very organized...littlest kids only had to be there 25 minutes before and they went first to minimize waiting and were able to leave at intermission. BUT- there were three days of recitals plus a dress rehearsal plus extra tech week practices. I noticed that many younger dancers did not show for the third recital. I suspect they were exhausted. My hearty 8 yo who is used to late bedtimes was a mess last night begging to go to bed early.

 

All that to say that recitals are just hard on little ones. Seems there is always something that seems it could be done differently to make things easier and it always seems that some things defy logic. The best way to get through it is to extend a lot of grace that things are done the way they are for a reason. Lots of moving parts to fit together.

 

In my experience the adrenaline will get a kid through a night of this. It is the several nights in a row that take its toll.

 

I wouldn't complain but I rarely complain to the powers to be about inconveniences. Most owners/coaches/ administrators are confident in their abilities and not very receptive to complaints about how a decision impacts one family.

[Entropymama]

It's unfortunate but I agree that it's common, and not just with dance. My girls were in a play a couple years ago. They were in the first two scenes only, but had to wait backstage for almost 2 hours during every performance so they could be in the curtain call. Ridiculous. It's almost like the directors don't understand that they're working with children, but OTOH I don't have any solutions so... 

[Mom-ninja.]

I was worried about my ds last year (he was 6) as he had to perform Friday night, Saturday morning, and Saturday night again. His part of the dance on Friday and Saturday night was at 9:30 which is way past his bedtime. So Friday night we got home at 11 (we live 45 minutes from the dance theater) and then he had to get up to be back at the theater by 10:30 a.m. do the morning performance, then we had 6 hours before the Saturday night dance which again lasted until after 10 pm. He did fine though. The excitement and the other kids kept him going.

 

This year will be the same thing. He has 3 late night rehearsals and then the Friday night, Saturday morning, Saturday night performances.  

Edited May 8, 2016 by Mom-ninja.

[J-rap]

If you really think that he, specifically, needs more rest than others his age, maybe you can just take him later in the recital, closer to his time?  (If you can get approval from the dance instructor.)

 

Is your ds worried about it?

 

Otherwise, I will say that my kids loved recitals, even if it was late or long.  There really is some adrenaline or something that kicks in and the whole thing feels very exciting and special.  My guess is that he will probably do fine.  You can always try it out this year and see how it goes.

 

The performing arts in general go that way.  My kids were in a movie some years ago that involved about 10 hours of waiting until they got to their half hour scene.  They never complained a bit.  They would have even waited longer and been fine with that.

[HSmomof2]

I am a little annoyed at the way my son's first ballet recital is organized. My mom thinks I should complain to the owner of the studio - more for the future as it is now to late to change things this year.

 

I'm somewhat disinclined - I am non-confrontational person I guess. My mom, FWIW, knows the owner as my sister danced at the studio for many years, my mom was the board seceratary for a while.

 

They always have two recitals at the end of the year, on the same day - there are too many classes for just one. They have the same principle dancers, but the groups are different. The earlier show is at about noon, the later at 6. They try and have most of the younger kids in the earlier show, but it seems hard to get them all.

 

My dilemma is this - my son is 6. He is in the pre-primary class, which is strictly speaking for 5s, but I decided to put him more by grade - he has tended to have a little less self-control than some kids his age and I thought he might find the behavior expectations more appropriate. As it turns out, he had no problem and is actually the best listener in the class.

 

His show is going to be the six o-clock, and his group won't appear until towards the end, they are the 23. They have to arrive for the dress rehearsal at 4:45. When they are not dancing they are generally back-stage, the older girls and some volunteer parents entertain them. The show will probably run 2.5 hours, which is to say until the time he is normally in bed.

 

I am really worried he is going to be very tired and not easy to get along with. My mom's original thought was maybe I should just say he could not make it. He would be devastated though - he has a prince costume and is very excited about the whole thing.

 

I'm trying to figure out how to make this work for him without a meltdown. I am probably going to take him home as soon as his dance is finished. I don't really want to rock the boat - I know the whole thing is a huge organizational nightmare.

I don't think I'd complain. It's not ideal for the younger kids, but it sounds very similar to our dance recitals here. He will likely be just fine. This is my dd's 7th year with her dance studio--she was 4 in her first recital. Our studio is large and has three recitals. The older dancers and parent volunteers help with the waiting dancers in a room in the back. They have movies, coloring, games. I was very hesitant to leave dd back there when she was younger, but it's always been fine. She was tired after the recital, but also very happy and excited about it. It's just one night, it'll be ok. 😊

[SparklyUnicorn]

BTDT.  In my experiences (yes "s") this is harder on the parent than the kid.  Both of mine did shows at that age that were quite a bit more ridiculous than that and by the end of the day I wanted to check myself into a loony bin. They were not phased.

 

 

 

 

[Bluegoat]

Thanks for the replies, all.  I think I will just go with it for this year.

 

It sounds like it could actually be much worse, we only have the one performance to worry about, and there are no issues around tickets or anything like that.

 

[KungFuPanda]

I wouldn't complain. He, and his entire class, will probably be fine. I'm sure distractions are planned and the kids are excited. He'll probably fall asleep in the car. If it's really a bad idea across the board, and the class as a whole melts down, they'll probably change it anyway.

[mamakelly]

That's actually pretty standard "waiting" time for a recital. I'm in charge of one of the dressing rooms for our ballet school, for all the shows. We try really hard to occupy the kids, and keep them quiet and get them ready at the same time. The majority of the kids are fine. They are so excited, that they aren't tired.

[Pippen]

My girls danced night shows from that age. I made them rest during the day ( as did my mum, when I was dancing night shows at that age.) It's only for a night or two. They have great memories of being backstage with the 'big girls'.

 

Ditto! 

 

The first few years when my daughter was small she would be tired and overly sensitive during recital weekend. But she loved ballet and performances and I can't imagine denying her a chance to participate just because a performance was past her bedtime. (A regular class yes, but not a one time event). We just rolled with it, including running interference with her brothers. It was just some tears--not the end of the world. 

 

That was 12 years ago, and dance--including the times that have stretched her--have contributed so much to the confident, poised person that she's become. 

[redsquirrel]

I have done this so many time, with young kids.  It's going to be fine.  If you want, just leave right away after the performance.

 

You can always do what I do and just go to where the kids are and stay with your kid. Bring some books and paper and pencils (pencils b/c there is less a chance of mess with costumes), and anything else that might help pass the time and is quiet and clean.  I have never been the only parent with the kids.