Do I mention this or just let it go?

[EmseB]

I don't consider the prom just "a teen party." I expect teens to act differently if they are dressed formally. Maybe I'm crazy.

I only went to two proms, but they were both big dance parties with a dj, loud pop/rap music, and everyone dressed up, danced a lot, and then went out to ihop or waffle house or in'n'out afterwards. If someone had a serious date/SO, they would have a super nice dinner date before the dance, but that was the only formal post of the evening aside from the clothes. I always thought it was pretty typical.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I only went to two proms, but they were both big dance parties with a dj, loud pop/rap music, and everyone dressed up, danced a lot, and then went out to ihop or waffle house or in'n'out afterwards. If someone had a serious date/SO, they would have a super nice dinner date before the dance, but that was the only formal post of the evening aside from the clothes. I always thought it was pretty typical.

 

Where I grew up, proms included a formal dinner. Some people even rented limos and split the cost 8-10 ways. The tradition at my high school (for the popular people) was to go camping for the weekend at a state park. I doubt I would've been allowed by my parents to go.

 

Where I live now, as far as I can tell, proms don't include dinner. I wonder if it makes them feel less formal.

Edited April 25, 2016 by HoppyTheToad

[Haiku]

I only went to two proms, but they were both big dance parties with a dj, loud pop/rap music, and everyone dressed up, danced a lot, and then went out to ihop or waffle house or in'n'out afterwards. 

 

Maybe it's a regional thing. The proms I went to were teenagers acting like teenagers, just wearing fancy clothes. It wasn't like we magically became aristocrats who talked in subdued voices and clapped politely for the string quartet. We ran around, screamed out the lyrics to our favorite songs, took ridiculous pictures at the photo stand, and generally let loose. School was out in a few weeks and we were at a giant party. We acted like kids at a giant party.

 

Maybe some people went to proms that were very stately and strict and that's what they consider all proms to be.

[Guest]

Maybe it's a regional thing. The proms I went to were teenagers acting like teenagers, just wearing fancy clothes. It wasn't like we magically became aristocrats who talked in subdued voices and clapped politely for the string quartet. We ran around, screamed out the lyrics to our favorite songs, took ridiculous pictures at the photo stand, and generally let loose. School was out in a few weeks and we were at a giant party. We acted like kids at a giant party.

 

Maybe some people went to proms that were very stately and strict and that's what they consider all proms to be.

My region as well. In fact I'd argue the pomp made the silliness and poor behavior worse. Maybe the novelty factor?

[EmseB]

Maybe it's a regional thing. The proms I went to were teenagers acting like teenagers, just wearing fancy clothes. It wasn't like we magically became aristocrats who talked in subdued voices and clapped politely for the string quartet. We ran around, screamed out the lyrics to our favorite songs, took ridiculous pictures at the photo stand, and generally let loose. School was out in a few weeks and we were at a giant party. We acted like kids at a giant party.

Yup, that was pretty much my experience. Most of us didn't even have serious dates, we just paired up with guy friends.

[EmseB]

My region as well. In fact I'd argue the pomp made the silliness and poor behavior worse. Maybe the novelty factor?

Yes, because it was more fun to be goofy at IHOP in formal wear.

 

On the other hand, the stereotype of prom being a night that girls had to put out for whoever brought them seemed to be long gone, so I think that's positive, although I could have just been ignorant of other social dynamics.

Edited April 25, 2016 by JodiSue

[Corraleno]

Maybe it's a regional thing. The proms I went to were teenagers acting like teenagers, just wearing fancy clothes. It wasn't like we magically became aristocrats who talked in subdued voices and clapped politely for the string quartet. We ran around, screamed out the lyrics to our favorite songs, took ridiculous pictures at the photo stand, and generally let loose. School was out in a few weeks and we were at a giant party. We acted like kids at a giant party.

 

Exactly. A prom is not some corporate awards banquet or a church function. It's a party for kids. Getting to dress up should be part of the fun, not something that restricts the fun to a couple of hours of quiet chatting and a bit of not-too-energetic dancing (no sweat stains!). I don't understand why kids are supposed to suddenly morph into sedate 30 year olds just because their clothes are fancier than usual. 

[Haiku]

sedate 30 year olds 

 

I was 30 once, and I don't think I or any other 30 year olds I knew were sedate ... ;)

[Guest]

Yes, because it was more fun to be goofy at IHOP in formal wear.

 

On the other hand, the stereotype of prom being a night that girls had to put out for whoever brought them seemed to be long gone, so I think that's positive, although I could have just been ignorant of other social dynamics.

I wish it were gone. Some families getting garters for their girls and paying for hotel rooms? It's almost worst in some circles, even as a subterfuge aspect is mostly gone (a positive in terms of safe sex practices I'd say).

[fairfarmhand]

I

 

 

Never mind, my dd had a great time at prom.

 

Thats all.

Edited April 26, 2016 by fairfarmhand

[Corraleno]

I was 30 once, and I don't think I or any other 30 year olds I knew were sedate ... ;)

 

Same here, lol. Originally I just wrote "30 year olds," then I went back and added "sedate" because I know a lot of 30 yr olds (and even 40, 50, and 60 year olds) who are anything but sedate — even when "all dressed up." I've been at parties where half the adults ended up in the pool fully clothed, and one party where several people ended up in the fish pond. At my wedding reception, my MIL landed upside down in the flower bed at 2:00 AM, after the reception was shut down by the police for being too noisy.  :laugh:

[JumpyTheFrog]

I remember how angry people got at the Tiger Mom for not appreciating the birthday card her daughter had spent a few minutes (at most) making. It seems odd to me that people would be much more cavalier about an adult fooling around in a dress someone spent three weeks making.

[SKL]

Again, if the prom is a wild teen party, then forget the elaborate dresses IMO.  Why spend that kind of time/money for clothes that are going to be trampled upon?  But if you decide to wear a fancy dress, act like you're dressed up.  Though that apparently doesn't mean anything any more.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I guess I don't hang out with the same crowd that some of you do. There are usually several people drunk at gatherings with my husband's family, but nobody ends up in any of the strange places mentioned in the last few posts.

[Corraleno]

So lets flip this around.

 

Suppose my dd spends hours sewing mom a dress that's lovely.

 

I wear it, have a water fight in it, not knowing or even considering the care instructions for the dress.

 

She expresses hurt that I don't consider that.

 

Is that wrong?

 

I feel that what's being presented here is "kids will be kids. You don't have a right to any feelings regarding this dress because 'gifts with strings aren't really gifts'"

 

And yet, a mom who wouldn't take care to protect a gift that one of her kids had made  her would probably be castigated as insensitive. You know, those drawings that aren't that great that we hang on the fridge because our loved ones care about it? We care because the other person cares. And it's important to them.

 

KWIM?

 

I'm not taking this personally. I'm just musing.

 

Is it realistic to expect others to check all their feelings at the door when gift giving? Is that fair? There are gifts that were given to me that aren't my taste, but because I care about the person who gave it to me, I do try to be considerate of caring for them.

 

I think it's important to take into account the intended use of the gift. My DD used to make me lots of those little woven potholders. I used them. They got burnt or dirty or ragged, and most have been thrown out. I don't think she expected me to put them in an acid-free box and save them for posterity. Doesn't mean I didn't like them or appreciate the effort she put into them. I assumed that since she gave me a useful gift, that she wanted me to use them, so I used them.

 

The differences of opinion in this thread seem to revolve around whether getting into a water fight in a prom dress was "misuse" of the item. Some people (including me) think that a prom dress is something you wear to a party to have fun in, not something that's meant to be carefully protected for a few hours and returned in pristine condition. Some people agreed that their feelings would be hurt if a dress they made got wet or dirty, and other people think that if you give someone an item of clothing to wear, then they get to wear it however they want. 

 

FWIW, I knit and I do give handmade presents. If I made my DD a prom dress, and she wore it and had a blast and came home dripping wet, I would not be in the least bit upset. I would be happy that she had a great time, and I would feel like the dress served its purpose.

[JumpyTheFrog]

The differences of opinion in this thread seem to revolve around whether getting into a water fight in a prom dress was "misuse" of the item. 

 

Yes, I can agree with this.

[JumpyTheFrog]

My DD used to make me lots of those little woven potholders. I used them. They got burnt or dirty or ragged, and most have been thrown out. I don't think she expected me to put them in an acid-free box and save them for posterity. Doesn't mean I didn't like them or appreciate the effort she put into them. I assumed that since she gave me a useful gift, that she wanted me to use them, so I used them.

 

I don't think this is a fair comparison though. Everyone who has ever looked at a well used potholder can see that they get stained and ratty looking. It happens to all of them. Although many people on this thread were okay with the water fight, I doubt any of them expected it to happen or think water fights in formal attire are common. If the OP expected a water fight, she probably would've sent her daughter with a change of clothes, especially since they both knew the younger sister wants the dress someday.

[Murphy101]

I'm not sure how we or our teens managed it, but we've all managed to find plenty of wide open middle ground to having a good time at formal events somewhere between acting like 5 year olds at an outdoor summer pizza birthday party or getting plastered and acting like the immobile humorless stuffed shirts.

[fairfarmhand]

Never mind, my dd had a great time at prom.

 

Thats all.

Edited April 26, 2016 by fairfarmhand

[Murphy101]

And, is it awful and mean of a mom to be shocked and say that she was hurt when she doesn't consider it proper usage?

FTR, my dd was not "crushed" or angry that I reacted the way that I did.

 

In fact, the way she was the next morning (cheerfully talking about the night before, and reassuring me that she hung the dress over the shower curtain rod and it looks like its going to be ok) tells me that she "gets it." She didn't intent to hurt me.

I don't think you were at all out of line for being shocked and upset. You didn't freak out and start screaming at her or anything. You didn't act like it was the end of the world, bc it wasn't. But yeah, if she isn't aware of your expectations, it's good to let her know and then hope she heeds that in the future. Seems like that's what happened so that's good.

[Catalytic]

And as the mom of teens who... shall we just say, tend to get into trouble... I'd be thrilled she didn't come home drunk, stoned, or dead.

 

I'm really not getting the angst.

 

 

Ahhhh, I wondered if I was the only one.  My daughter went to one prom...dad went to pick her up at the end of it and she wasn't there.  2 hours later we got a phone call from a crying 16 year old who was lost, alone, outside, in -40f degrees, on a mountain, across town, in a thin prom dress.  It took nearly 3 hours to find her, her phone didn't have GPS and there were no street signs.  She'd left prom in a taxi to go have sex with a boy, after the sex his dad came home unexpectedly, the boy took her to the road (they lived back off the road quite a ways) on a 4 wheeler and dropped her off.  She made noises about going to prom the next year........

 

(The boy had given the taxi driver directions to the house over the phone.  When we called the taxi company to try to figure out where my daughter was, the driver that had driven her was gone for the night.)

[ErinE]

Maybe it's a regional thing. The proms I went to were teenagers acting like teenagers, just wearing fancy clothes. It wasn't like we magically became aristocrats who talked in subdued voices and clapped politely for the string quartet. We ran around, screamed out the lyrics to our favorite songs, took ridiculous pictures at the photo stand, and generally let loose. School was out in a few weeks and we were at a giant party. We acted like kids at a giant party.

 

Maybe some people went to proms that were very stately and strict and that's what they consider all proms to be.

I think you were at my prom ;)

 

After one prom, we went to a friend's house and jumped on the trampoline in our dresses.

[Corraleno]

I guess I don't hang out with the same crowd that some of you do. There are usually several people drunk at gatherings with my husband's family, but nobody ends up in any of the strange places mentioned in the last few posts.

 

Admittedly my MIL was pretty drunk, although she's quite a character whether she's drunk or not (she's now 80 and still going strong). The people who ended up in the pool and/or fish pond weren't really drunk, they were just anthropologists. Crazy anthropologists — can't take us anywhere.  ;)

[fairfarmhand]

 

Never mind, my dd had a great time at prom.

 

Thats all.

Edited April 26, 2016 by fairfarmhand

[Guest]

Ahhhh, I wondered if I was the only one. My daughter went to one prom...dad went to pick her up at the end of it and she wasn't there. 2 hours later we got a phone call from a crying 16 year old who was lost, alone, outside, in -40f degrees, on a mountain, across town, in a thin prom dress. It took nearly 3 hours to find her, her phone didn't have GPS and there were no street signs. She'd left prom in a taxi to go have sex with a boy, after the sex his dad came home unexpectedly, the boy took her to the road (they lived back off the road quite a ways) on a 4 wheeler and dropped her off. She made noises about going to prom the next year........

 

(The boy had given the taxi driver directions to the house over the phone. When we called the taxi company to try to figure out where my daughter was, the driver that had driven her was gone for the night.)

I'd absolutely throttle him. She could have died.

[Murphy101]

I don't know if it's fair though to expect every parent to automatically get to focus one without spending a little time in focus two. I mean some moms might instantly be there, but for myself, I had to take some time to get there.

 

I guess I'm more of an imperfect mom than many of the others here though....

I didn't see anything about your OP that wasn't focus one. You weren't unhealthy in your response. You were NOT yelling freaking out sobbing or saying anything mean.

 

Good grief. You did just fine.

Edited April 26, 2016 by Murphy101

[DesertBlossom]

What I am getting from all of this is that because prom is a big party for teenagers and their clothes might get ruined I should take that into consideration when I decide how much time and money I am willing to put into the dress. Am I right? If the teenager is not expected to take of her things, then maybe I would reconsider my investment in it.

 

I imagine if the teenager had been the one spending hours sewing her own dress she would have thought twice about having a water fight in it.

[Murphy101]

What I am getting from all of this is that because prom is a big party for teenagers and their clothes might get ruined I should take that into consideration when I decide how much time and money I am willing to put into the dress. Am I right? If the teenager is not expected to take of her things, then maybe I would reconsider my investment in it.

 

I imagine if the teenager had been the one spending hours sewing her own dress she would have thought twice about having a water fight in it.

Or had had to spend her own hard earned money to everything for the prom. Maybe then too. Even a cheap prom can be expensive when it's paid with only the funds a teen can work for themselves. Was to me in the '90s anyways.

[HRAAB]

I don't know if it's fair though to expect every parent to automatically get to focus one without spending a little time in focus two. I mean some moms might instantly be there, but for myself, I had to take some time to get there.

 

I guess I'm more of an imperfect mom than many of the others here though....

Welcome to the imperfect mom club. Some of my reactions make your reaction look calm and perfect.

[EmseB]

I don't know if it's fair though to expect every parent to automatically get to focus one without spending a little time in focus two. I mean some moms might instantly be there, but for myself, I had to take some time to get there.

 

I guess I'm more of an imperfect mom than many of the others here though....

Ok, don't do the martyr thing, no one here is remotely claiming to be perfect. I said in my original reply that I would apologize if it had been me in your shoes. That is from many times and experiences of having to apologize to my kids for reacting unreasonably about stuff. I said that's what I would do, not because I claim to be perfect, but because I've had to apologize for this exact thing a lot of times.

 

Lol, I'm the queen of overreacting about mess or things. My perspective on this thread is as someone, like Sadie, who has to work tremendously on not letting my instant, internal reaction be my actual, outward reaction to my kids. The key for me is actually self talk, a la most of my posts in this thread. But I've had some doozy freak outs over stuff, and my initial gut feeling is often a shrill "why would you do that???". But I've come to recognize over the last few years that it's generally not the right reaction for my situation. The kids and I have a lot of conversations about expectations on both sides. I apologize a lot. It just so happens that in this case, water play in formal wear at prom is not on my radar of things to react that way about. There are other things, though.

[ktgrok]

What I am getting from all of this is that because prom is a big party for teenagers and their clothes might get ruined I should take that into consideration when I decide how much time and money I am willing to put into the dress. Am I right? If the teenager is not expected to take of her things, then maybe I would reconsider my investment in it.

 

I imagine if the teenager had been the one spending hours sewing her own dress she would have thought twice about having a water fight in it.

 

No, more that if plain water will ruin something, give the poor girl a heads up. Especially if she's never worn dry clean only fabric before, as it may not occur to her that water is ruining something. In most kids' minds it is what you clean with, not what you get dirty with. 

 

Now, had she been rolling in mud, or having people sign it or something, yeah, that would piss me off. 

[Corraleno]

I imagine if the teenager had been the one spending hours sewing her own dress she would have thought twice about having a water fight in it.

 

Or had had to spend her own hard earned money to everything for the prom. Maybe then too. Even a cheap prom can be expensive when it's paid with only the funds a teen can work for themselves. Was to me in the '90s anyways.

 

 

Or maybe she would have just gone ahead and got wet and had lots of fun anyway. Sheesh.

 

Not everyone sees a prom dress as some precious object that must be kept pristine at all costs. It's more than possible that this girl loved the dress, was very grateful her mother made it for her, and thoroughly enjoyed her night wearing it. To the mother, the value of the dress is measured by how many hours she put into it. To the daughter, the value of the dress is how pretty she felt and how much fun she had wearing it. The fact that they value different things about it doesn't make the daughter rude, thoughtless, or ungrateful.

Edited April 26, 2016 by Corraleno

[EmseB]

What I am getting from all of this is that because prom is a big party for teenagers and their clothes might get ruined I should take that into consideration when I decide how much time and money I am willing to put into the dress. Am I right? If the teenager is not expected to take of her things, then maybe I would reconsider my investment in it.

 

I imagine if the teenager had been the one spending hours sewing her own dress she would have thought twice about having a water fight in it.

I bought my own dress. We didn't have a water fight, but I was not careful with my dress. I do remember dancing, sweating, running down the street dragging the hem on the sidewalk (to catch up with my friend who was my ride), eating messy food. A water fight would not have been out of the realm of possibility. We were goofy. I loved my dress, but it was for prom, which was a big party with a bunch of teens. I bought it to go out and have fun in. At the very least, I knew it was going to be very sweaty at the end of the night.

 

But I did buy my own dress. I think my parents went in for the shoes.

Edited April 26, 2016 by JodiSue

[EmseB]

I wish it were gone. Some families getting garters for their girls and paying for hotel rooms? It's almost worst in some circles, even as a subterfuge aspect is mostly gone (a positive in terms of safe sex practices I'd say).

Blech, I'm glad I was oblivious of anything like that!!

[JumpyTheFrog]

I told DH about the "trash the dress" thing. His reply was that girls that do that should be buying their own dresses, not asking their parents for hundreds of dollars to buy and then purposefully destroy clothes.

[ktgrok]

I told DH about the "trash the dress" thing. His reply was that girls that do that should be buying their own dresses, not asking their parents for hundreds of dollars to buy and then purposefully destroy clothes.

 

This I agree with totally. I first heard of trash the dress when I was in Scotland for my wedding. Someone asked if I was going to do it and I was horrified. 

 

However, splashing in water and purposely trashing a dress seems very different, IF the girl didn't know water was harmful. 

[Joker]

I told DH about the "trash the dress" thing. His reply was that girls that do that should be buying their own dresses, not asking their parents for hundreds of dollars to buy and then purposefully destroy clothes.

Except many of the young girls that I know that do this have parents who are totally on board. Many of the trash the dress pictures are part of senior pictures that parents pay for as well.

 

I understand those who don't get it, I don't get the whole trash the dress thing, but I also don't think it's that big of a deal or says anything important about the teens or their parents.

[MrsMommy]

Where I'm from, prom dresses were special. Meant to be cared for. You might not ever wear it again, but you took good care of it while you were wearing it.

 

I'm not understanding the "kids will be kids" idea here. If you pay good money (or spend time and money) on a formal dress, formal behavior should happen. If I ever thought my daughters would trash a formal dress, I wouldn't waste my money on it. If it's that important to them to have a fancy dress they can then ruin, they can spend their own money/their own time on it. I don't think that most proms include water fights or other destructive behavior, but maybe that's a regional thing where I am, and if it is, I'm happy about it!

 

I am proud of my wardrobe. I would go so far as to say I have curated it. I wear it, daily. But I take care of it. Does that mean I don't live, don't play with my kids? Of course not. But I pay attention to what I'm doing, and I would never intentionally ruin my clothes. Sure, accidents happen, but they're accidents, not events. And I don't think it's too much to expect that a prom-aged child (in other words, almost an adult), could have the same consideration.

[wintermom]

Yep. All of that too. I know very few kids who have to have uniforms for school who have a complete uniform outfit for every day. They usually only have 2-3 and they take extra effort not to get them too dirty to wear again before laundry is done.

 

I totally understand the uniform special care, and so do all my dc. In our case right now, it's their music recital clothing, a couple years ago it was also their martial arts uniform. They all have one set, and they know that they have to take care of these and hang them up right away after use.  It's not even a case of the clothing being all that expensive, it's the fact that they have a specific use and need to be available for the next usage. I was not too pleased with bright, green grass stains on the white TKD uniforms.

 

If another girl in my dd's violin group decided to start a water fight in the bathroom and my dd's dress got stained or ruined, I'd be annoyed and I'm guessing a few other moms would be as well. I don't care how much fun and excitement the girls were feeling. It's possible to be happy and excited and NOT start a water fight for no reason. 

[Slojo]

I think what you said was fine. In families, sometimes a little obligation doesn't hurt. You didn't ask her to sit in the corner all night. A water fight is fun, but not out of the realm of things that could be reasonably expected to be avoided... And sometimes - I know this is my personality -- all of what's there for me takes a day or two to formulate, and I'd hate to live in a house in which (or run a house in which my children felt) there was a strict time limitation on when you could bring things up. Sometimes stuff still rankles, and best to just get it out. While I don't think you want to saddle kids with your emotions, I also don't think kids need to think their mom is made of Teflon in order to be okay. 

 

If you've said your piece, then let it go. But if it's really important to you that amends are made or that she doesn't repeat that kind of activity in fancy dresses, then calmly and directly -- with as few words as possible - restate what it is you need. Sounds like you need her to either be more thoughtful or not to expect a whole lot to go into the next dress, money or time-wise. 

 

I think it's fine for children to hear honestly how things affect others. Not going on and on about it, but my kids hear all the time that X took money and effort, and I expect you to treat it accordingly. (I mean there's that "meanest mom" who threw all her kids ice cream away after their failing to say, "Thank You" to their server went viral and all. What you're asking is not particularly extreme.) 

 

Yes, absolutely, there needs to be a "remembering what it was like to be young." And, being young doesn't exempt you from basic courtesy and thoughtfulness. And "being young" goes both ways -- sure, be spontaneous, impulsive, and in the moment, and, the more expensive and time-consuming things may need to wait until you're more mature (happy to make your wedding dress ;-). But, for now, I'm happy to go with you to the resale shop and see what we can get for under X dollars.

 

If she didn't know, she didn't know. But maybe setting the scene for next time as "non-emotionally" as you can would be helpful. "I've been thinking about the dress... as you probably figured, I was upset about _________... I spent a lot of time and effort... and was a little hurt/disappointed that you came back sopping wet in the dress. I'm really glad you had fun, but I don't I'd want to spend as much effort on a dress next time. Sounds like what you really care about is X - next time let's find the right dress for that... 

[maize]

The dress is gorgeous, I imagine your daughter looked absolutely stunning in it!

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I just wanted to add that my DD10 was in the room while I posed the question in the OP to DH, and my DD10 was horrified and said that she'd be so upset that the dress was used that way. So I guess I'm safe on the future prom dress front! Of course, my teen DD's formal dress came from Amazon and cost $35 this year, so I guess I was safe anyway :D

[Slojo]

Appreciating the dress = happily wearing the dress to prom. Hopefully with a good dose of 'thanks mom, I love it!'

 

~

 

As the daughter of an over-reactor, and as an over-reactor myself, the way we can get things out of perspective does do damage to our relationships. 

 

Healthy focus: My dd is safely home from prom, she is happy, she has had a great time. I'm surprised they had a water fight! So much for being grown up! Hopefully the water hasn't damaged the applique. Maybe we can check in the morning. I might have a word with dd about fabric care.

 

Unhealthy focus; Why is the dress wet ? It's going to be ruined! Dd doesn't care about the effort I put into her dress. Dd is ungrateful.

 

One type of focus is much better for the relationship, and doesn't even mean that the proper care of fabric or of gifts can't be addressed later.

It is just a dress - AND, relationships can be damaged by under-reacting and stuffing any emotion, even a passing one, down. My DH went through all of his teenage years with his mom stuffing every emotion and reaction instead of ever being real with him, and it affects his relationship with her to this day. I think it's okay and human for the daughter to see a crestfallen look on the mom's face. Might marinate in there for later, YKWIM? Going on and on about it days later? Not so much. While it is important for me to "be the adult," I just can't parent from a "nothing ever bothers me" perspective. Sometimes the choices you've made disappoint or rankle - I'll get over it, but, yeah, my kid might "catch my face before I 'fix it right' every once in a while."  

 

My reaction would probably be "Why is the dress wet?" Then, the next morning "Well, she had fun" - then the next year "Yep, here's $80 bucks (or whatever), I'll drop you at the mall. I'll be excited to see what you come up with." 

Edited April 26, 2016 by Slojo

[AmandaVT]

I thought I was the only one who was all excited she didn't spend the night getting drunk and laid. That was seriously my first thought. That may be *my* baggage coming to the table though :p

 

This was my thought too! I'm glad I only went to one prom and in retrospect, wish I hadn't. It was drunken debauchery from start to finish. I'm glad to hear that some schools have less, um, illegal times.

[Tsuga]

As an aside, my daughter has gotten some beautiful formal dresses in thrift shops and clothing exchanges that she proudly wears in public that were $20 or less. In some cases, much less. That were probably worn by a teen once or twice. I didn't say this as a jab at all, but as an real option that many people are perfectly happy with.

 

I am a needleworker and a sewer. I TOTALLY get the attachment we get to the fruits of our labor. This winter I lost one of my very favorite pair of stranded needlework mittens I knit. Not only that, but they were lined with a 2nd hand knit cabled pair of mittens I also made. This happened months ago and I'm still bummed about it! But life happens. Stuff is just stuff. Things get lost and get dirty. The next pair of mittens I make myself (which are in progress!) will have my name and number on them. ;) I don't gift hand made stuff to people who I don't think will truly appreciate having a handmade item. And that doesn't mean I don't love them. I just show love in different ways to them.

I believe it! Around here secondhand can get really picked off by prom. And I get that handmade is special but I did NOT get that as a teen not do I think I should have been expected to. I spent my time on AP exams and honor society, not sewing. Just one of those things that some people don't get until much later. (I learned to sew in an art* elective in college. Because the prof said, "You people need to understand what difficult means." Lucky to have such a great education.) Edited April 26, 2016 by Tsuga

[SereneHome]

Few things first.

 

1.  My relationship with my children are super important to me

2.  I personally value experiences much more than things

3.  I am very much in favor of kids and adults playing and getting dirty.  (and my kids get VERY DIRTY)

 

So, with these opinions in mind I can not believe that some of you think OP should be apologizing to her DD for hurting DD's feelings and that it should be OP who is "putting things in perspective" and "getting over it".   It might sound like over reacting to some, but if OP's feelings were hurt, her DD should take that into consideration.  There is no need for anything grand, but there is nothing wrong with letting a person know their actions, intentional or not, were hurtful.  And I would think a simple apology would be sufficient to OP. 

 

Water fights should be left for beach/driveway/bbq not for a formal event when people spent time and money and other resources on the attire and appearances.   And may be my standards are too high, but I will expect a 17 yr old to know the difference.

 

 

 

 

 

[mom2samlibby]

Well if she were a guy and got into a water fight in a rented tux, you'd be losing cash on that rental.

So, yeah... I wouldn't think of that as a prom activity.

No you wouldn't.  I worked in formal wear for several years.  Water doesn't hurt them.  You'd be amazed at the condition some of them come back in and the things of items that would be in the pockets.  

 

The only time people got charged was if they were missing a bow tie or had extremely damaged them -- holes, tears, etc.  

[Catalytic]

I'd absolutely throttle him. She could have died.

 

Don't worry, my DH woke his father up at 4am after he found our daughter.

 

*ETA* Just noticed your screen name and saw your website, I assume you're in Alaska.  That little story happened in Fairbanks, on or near Chena Ridge (I'd have to ask DH exactly where he found her)

Edited April 26, 2016 by Catalytic

[Guest]

Don't worry, my DH woke his father up at 4am after he found our daughter.

 

*ETA* Just noticed your screen name and saw your website, I assume you're in Alaska. That little story happened in Fairbanks, on or near Chena Ridge (I'd have to ask DH exactly where he found her)

We aren't that far north (edge of the Muni) but have family and friends in and around Fairbanks. I assumed you were up north of Tok and Glenallen to be getting those temps around prom, hence my reaction. It's absolutely deadly without proper gear, and even that only delays things. Poor thing. The boy sounds like a loser and hopefully your daughter agreed after this incident. No common sense!

[Catalytic]

We aren't that far north (edge of the Muni) but have family and friends in and around Fairbanks. I assumed you were up north of Tok and Glenallen to be getting those temps around prom, hence my reaction. It's absolutely deadly without proper gear, and even that only delays things. Poor thing. The boy sounds like a loser and hopefully your daughter agreed after this incident. No common sense!

 

It was an early prom (I only remember that because I was about 32 weeks pregnant, and that episode along with a few others from my ODD child sent my blood pressure soaring so much my OB thought they were going to have to take the baby at 32 weeks...DH threatened her life after that one (told her she could kill the baby, which was true, my blood pressure was sky high) and he was delivered at 39 weeks in the beginning of April....hmmm I swear it was prom, but 32 weeks would have been around February, that seems like a *really* early prom, maybe it was just a dance, but I swear I remember telling her no she couldn't go because she was a sophomore, and she sweet talked DH into it)