Journey Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 sucks. My daughters and I live with my 90 year old parents. we moved at my father's insistence 3 years ago. He emotionally and verbally abuses us on an almost daily basis. My poor mother has dementia so she has no idea what is going on. We are stuck. We cannot move out. I cannot financially afford to, if I could I would have long ago. I hate that my daughters see their grandfather, a man they once had great respect for, doing this. They have lost all their love for him as have I. We often hear of elder abuse but not much about the elder doing the abusing. My brothers and their families couldn't care less and do NOTHING and I am not exaggerating. I'm venting. I don't want any advice because i'm to sad and tired to even listen. I guess though that I would listen to someone who has been in my exact situation and has come out on the other side. What I, we, greatly need is prayer, so for those of you who pray and would be willing, please pray for us. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I'm sorry. Sounds like possibly he might be a bit out of his mind as well. :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eliz Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Praying for you and your family! I"m so sorry you're experiencing this. If he hasn't always been this way, I would have a doctor give him a throrough evaluation. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 :grouphug: My children haven't been subject to it (and that would be so much worse) but I was subject to constant verbal and emotional abuse growing up and it stinks. Know that having you as their "oasis" will give your children a huge cushion from that. Could you get some counseling for strategies to respond? Also, is this a change in your father's personality? If so, a call to his doctor might be in order so that the doctor knows the personality change is there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I am so sorry! Will pray for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 (edited) has he always been this way? or is this within the last three years? you say they formerly had great respect for him. if his personality has changed - I would figure out a way to get him checked by his doctor - he could also have dementia. (some forms are very nasty.) Edited March 23, 2016 by gardenmom5 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 (edited) :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I did not have kids subjected to it but my much beloved grandmother ended up abusive. I was her caretaker and it was so hard. She had Alzheimer's. I wasn't trapped, though. I could return home every few weeks. And with your kids involved.... that makes it so much worse. It does sound like he has some form of dementia if this is not what he used to be like (or some sort of health issue that is causing mental issues). It also sounds like you are suffering from depression (understandably so). That will only get worse if you cannot change the dynamic somehow. Any chance there is a church you belong to that could provide free counseling and support? Can you get you and your kids out of the house on a regular basis, like to the library/parks/museums etc. to avoid being there? How old are the kids? ETA: I notice from another thread that you have a 21 year old daughter. Is she living with you? Edited March 23, 2016 by OneStepAtATime 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 (edited) dp. I keep getting a warning page saying this isn't a safe site. . . . don't know what's going on. Edited March 23, 2016 by gardenmom5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 (Hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I get it. We're dealing with a similar situation with my aunt and her son. Fortunately, he doesn't live there full-time. When he visits it's very stressful. My aunt refuses to see it. Is there any way you can get him out during the day for a little reprieve? praying for you that this cross you are bearing will pass soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 :grouphug: I agree with the others, if this is a personality change it may be due to a medication or he's also suffering with early dementia. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 :grouphug: and praying for your family. I second the doctor idea. Maybe they can medicate him to subdue him to make it more bearable for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I am sorry, it does sound like it sucks a lot. Please make sure to put lots of positive thinking things into your day. Read books and watch inspirational things that counteract his behavior, at least a little. Also, try to do school at the library and the park when you can so you are just not around all the time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I'm so sorry. That sounds miserable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leav97 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Are there ways you can separate your living areas from you father? Set up the basement as your area? Possibly add a mini-fridge, microwave, crockpot, etc and make a mini kitchen so you aren't in his areas of the house? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: sometimes life is so hard :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East Coast Sue Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 (((Hugs))) and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Are there ways you can separate your living areas from you father? Set up the basement as your area? Possibly add a mini-fridge, microwave, crockpot, etc and make a mini kitchen so you aren't in his areas of the house?This is what my in-laws did when they were living with dh's grandparents. The g'pa had alzheimer's and was abusive. The g'ma had always been difficult. Dh's dad is handy so they actually added a door in the hall and made a private living space for them. Dh's mom helped with the elder care during the day, but had space from g'ma and a break from g'pa. They had a microwave, mini fridge, crockpot and 2 burners. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: You have my sympathy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davysmom Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I am sorry. It is very hard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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