UPDATE in 456ish: Older boy in women's locker room WWYD

[knoxinsox]

My 10 year old boy is very modest and would neither undress in front of other men or boys or want to be in the women's room.  We use family rooms or stalls when possible or he waits to change till we get home.  

 

The other thing to consider is you never know what the back story is for that mom or the son.   I was sexually abused as a 11 year old and I supervise my kids closely and they NEVER go off out of my sight with another adult.  They are not allowed in neighbor's houses without me.  We were then in a church group where molestation was swept under the rug, and people with records were working with kids--this is not gossip, its public information.   I can tell you that it took years and counseling for me to deal with my abuse and I cannot put my children in a situation where I could ruin their lives.  The man who molested me was the kind old grandfatherly sort, but he was one of the biggest perverts I have ever heard of and we were all afraid to tell the authorities.   I have trust issues for good reason and I will go out of my way to protect my kids or your kids. 

[Desert Strawberry]

I'd definitely alert staff. 

I have 2 special needs boys, and a super tiny one. One of my kids wasn't able to dress himself at all until he was 6.5. No way could he go into a changing room by himself and accomplish anything. We've never been to a facility with a family room. That's brilliant. 

I bring my kids already in their suits. I change my little ones on the deck. I don't care if anyone sees their little naked booties. I think Sagg was 8 when I started sending him by himself. I watched him go in and waited by the exit. If he needed help, he could call out for me and follow my voice to the door. I have sent a male lifeguard in to check on a kid who did not come out. 
 

I was a lifeguard. We did have a family who would just walk through with all of the kids. We didn't have a posted age limit that I remember. I think the upper age was 8? It was generous. They wouldn't change, though, just pass through. NBD. 

 

10 is too old IMO. I'm really blown away that there IS a family room available and she choose NOT to use it! I would have LOVED to have that option when Sagg was a large-for-age  young child and needed a lot of help. 

[J-rap]

I think it's funny when people expect every situation to accommodate their specific needs.  Most rules are for the greater good, and individual exceptions can't always be accommodated.  

 

I think a 10 year-old boy is too old to be in the women's locker room, and if the sign says no boys over 5, then I'd respect that.  Is it inconvenient for me if my son is 7?  Maybe.  Does that mean I can then break the rule plus potentially cause embarrassment for women and girls in there?  No.        Likewise, although it may be difficult to contain my little girls given their ages (just an example -- my girls aren't little anymore!), does that mean I therefore always have a right to use the family changing room instead of all of us being in the women's locker room?  Not necessarily.

 

It might mean my 10-year-old son has to change in the car, or in a corner of the end of a hallway where no one is, behind a towel I hold up for him (wouldn't it only take 30 seconds to whip off a swimsuit and throw on some sweat pants?), or maybe ask the manager if there's a closet he can change in, or maybe just wait and change at home.  Or, if it's in the middle of the school day and it's just moms and kids at the pool, maybe my 10-year-old son would walk into the men's locker room and find out that he's the only one there and feel just fine about it.

 

And as far as the second situation, if using the family changing room with myself and only girls means that a mixed sex family with young children or a mixed caregiver situation has to wait for 15 minutes, then I  should probably use the women's locker room, even if it's a little inconvenient.  Or my girls may need to change in the car, or maybe not even until we get home.  Or maybe I can enlist a middle school aged girl to come with me as a mother's helper.  Or maybe we just aren't ready to use the pool yet.

[Bluegoat]

I have no issue with single sex groups using the family area if there are really good reasons to.  Tjey are meant, I think, to be flexible for different needs.  Little kids that run off, wheelchairs, whatever.

 

I wouldn't normally consider not wanting to change in front of others to be a good reason though - there are exceptions, but most of the time that is the sort of thing kids get over by going to places where it is done.  It's always possible to use a towel for a little more privacy.

[AndyJoy]

My 10 year old boy is very modest and would neither undress in front of other men or boys or want to be in the women's room. We use family rooms or stalls when possible or he waits to change till we get home.

 

The other thing to consider is you never know what the back story is for that mom or the son. I was sexually abused as a 11 year old and I supervise my kids closely and they NEVER go off out of my sight with another adult. They are not allowed in neighbor's houses without me. We were then in a church group where molestation was swept under the rug, and people with records were working with kids--this is not gossip, its public information. I can tell you that it took years and counseling for me to deal with my abuse and I cannot put my children in a situation where I could ruin their lives. The man who molested me was the kind old grandfatherly sort, but he was one of the biggest perverts I have ever heard of and we were all afraid to tell the authorities. I have trust issues for good reason and I will go out of my way to protect my kids or your kids.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Far too many kids have had that experience, including several close friends and family members of mine. I totally get that their comfort level with "normal" situations is different.

 

If there were a history like that I can definitely understand the struggle to protect him, but not why it would preclude waiting for the family room (especially since there was actually no wait that day!). When I was an 8-year-old girl, I would have been mortified by a 10-year-old boy in my swimming class seeing me naked or even partially undressed. The fact that his mom was with him wouldn't change that. How awkward for her to have to see him for 6 more weeks of class and pooltime!

Edited January 28, 2016 by AndyJoy

[Valley Girl]

My 10 year old boy is very modest and would neither undress in front of other men or boys or want to be in the women's room.  We use family rooms or stalls when possible or he waits to change till we get home.  

 

The other thing to consider is you never know what the back story is for that mom or the son.   I was sexually abused as a 11 year old and I supervise my kids closely and they NEVER go off out of my sight with another adult.  They are not allowed in neighbor's houses without me.  We were then in a church group where molestation was swept under the rug, and people with records were working with kids--this is not gossip, its public information.   I can tell you that it took years and counseling for me to deal with my abuse and I cannot put my children in a situation where I could ruin their lives.  The man who molested me was the kind old grandfatherly sort, but he was one of the biggest perverts I have ever heard of and we were all afraid to tell the authorities.   I have trust issues for good reason and I will go out of my way to protect my kids or your kids. 

 

How terrible that such a thing happened to you. I'm overprotective to begin with. In that circumstance, I'd be extra, extra careful, too. And I agree that you don't know a person's backstory. But that goes for the stories of the other people in the locker room, too, doesn't it? I think that if people truly have a special situation and there isn't a solution such as a family room available--which is NOT the case in the OP's scenario--then patrons should talk to the staff about it. I would think--or at least I hope--that staff would make reasonable efforts to help. They WANT people to use the facilities. If they're not willing to help, then patrons need to find a different facility. No facility available? Then find a different activity, or find a some way to work within the rules. We've all had to be creative about stuff like that at one time or another.

[OnMyOwn]

I wouldn't have any trouble with a child up to at least 5 in the women's changing room. A ten year old, though? Yes, that would bother me and I know it would bother my teen dd. My nephew is 10 and I can't imagine him being in the same room with my dd and I while we are changing. That seems really inappropriate. And at the locker rooms where we swim, people are just out in the open changing in front of the lockers. There is nowhere else to go other than the stalls and people don't seem to do that.

[HS Mom in NC]

Waiting for a room to open up is a luxery not everyone has when it comes to tired young kids.

 

Not everyone has the option to choose another facility.

 

I am a bit blown away that there are only two family changing rooms.

 

They may not have the option of another facility, but they have the option of not going at all.  If it comes down to ignoring the policy or not going, not going should win. No one is entitled to swim classes or any other enrichment/sports activity.

 

All of us here have had tired hungry kids and most of us have sucked it up and waited in spite of it in different kinds of circumstances.  That's one of the ways kids learn delayed gratification.  I say that as a parent who adopted a traumatized child and had to deal with emotional mood swings on a scale most parents don't and for long periods of time.  Either we dealt with the limits the group activity brought like everyone else, or if it was going to be too much, we didn't go. 

Edited January 28, 2016 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[alisoncooks]

I wonder if the mother of that 10 yr old boy would have a problem with a woman walking out of a shower area, starkers, in front of her son.  I have seen it more than once, in a women's locker room...

[EmseB]

I grew up in the midwest, was on a swim team, and distinctly remember going to the car wearing my suit, a towel, snow boots, and a winter coat/parka some days when the changing room was super full or something like that.  If someone is so bent out of shape that they can't use the locker rooms with the stated guidelines or wait for the family locker rooms to open up, why not just leave and change and shower at home?

 

Ten year old in opposite sex locker rooms?  Nope.  If I couldn't abide my 10yo (or my 8yo & 6yo DSs in my case) changing alone in a locker room of the appropriate gender, and I absolutely couldn't deal with waiting for a family bathroom, I'd go home.  And yes, I go a lot of places with 4 kids, 3 of whom are boys, and yes, sometimes it's tricky.  But my family situation doesn't mean that I get to break the rules of any given establishment.  I may ask if they could bump up the age for a 3 or 4yo as established policy, but after that, I'll figure something else out.

 

 

[Χά�ων]

Taking kids swimming on weekdays is itself a luxury, not a right or a necessity. People always have the option of not going if it's so taxing to abide by the established policies and make use of the alternatives available.

I was not talking about the day and time, I was trying to say that many communities do not have more than one location for indoor swimming or even outdoor swimming.

 

Telling people if they do not like it to go someplace is not always an option due to lack of options.

[bettyandbob]

It isn't clear at all, as I have never heard anyone suggest this outside of this thread. The expectation is that family changing rooms are for families with young kids.

I am not sure it wouldn't be obvious. If you are female with female children or male with male children you have a large locker room with more than one shower and space to change and there is no waiting to get in.

If you are the caregiver of an opposite sex child or person with SN you have only one place to go.

I pointed this out to a woman with her 8ish looking dd after I waited more than 20 minutes. She said she'd taken the family bath because the special shower in the locker was taken and she didn't want to wait for it. So ran to the one family room just before special Olympics let out and hogged it. Understand there were 7 other showers in the ladies room. She just wanted her dd to have a shower in a stall with a moveable shower head. This woman wanted to have a special shower head and didn't want to wait in the ladies. She had a fully ambulatory mid elementary aged child who took regular swim lessons and thought nothing of the line she caused when special Olympics finished.

I don't use the shower at all because I know people could be waiting for the one room at any time after ds enters. We get in and out.

It's pretty obvious. If you have a choice and know others do not, you use the locker room.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Diana P.

[Desert Strawberry]

I'm still hung up on the age. I had my period at 10. 10 is not a tot. 10 is old enough to ask for the key and go into the family room alone, and help a younger sibling dress. Mom could even stand outside the door of the family room. 
Yes, I know that there could be special needs, and there could definitely be a back story, but socially inappropriate behavior is not the answer, especially when facilities are provided for just such a circumstance. 

[luuknam]

I probably would let the staff know. 10 (or even 8) is too old imo, especially if there *are* family rooms and the stated age limit is 5-ish.

 

At our swim&gym at the Y, the rules either say "5 and under" or "under 5" - I think it's "under 5". I tried to teach my 5 years and 2 months old to change on his own, but putting clothes on while wet is a little too tricky some of the time - and the changing rooms are often freezing (and my kid, when freezing, will just stand helplessly with his towel around him and refuse to try to change on his own).  So, when he turned 5yo, I asked the other moms if they were okay with him continuing to use the girls' locker room*, and everyone was okay so he still uses that. He's in the 3-4yo swim group because he just missed the cut-off for the 5-6yo group. I know there's a kid half a year older than him in the 5-6yo group who still uses the girls' locker room as well. But that's it... not 6+yos. There a couple of 6+yos that use the family locker room (which doesn't have a shower and isn't connected to the pool area).

 

My special needs 8.5yo used the family locker rooms for a few months when he had just turned 7yo (he didn't take swim lessons at 6yo)... I'd tried sending him into the boys', but he ended up goofing around and taking too long (30 min or more, even with me calling in to try to hurry him up, and no, he didn't spend that time showering either... just taking forever, losing(?) his shoes or w/e - I had to ask a male staff member to go in more than once). So, family changing room, and then he was ready for boys' locker room at 7.5yo-ish (and he's short... I could've passed him off for 4-5yo just fine at 7yo, but he'd have known he was way too old given the sign, and the staff would've known as well since he was in a swim class for ages 6-12yo). It would've annoyed me if I'd had to get a key, but really, getting a key for the family room would not rank on the list of things to bitch about about having a special needs kid.

 

*Our Y also has women's and men's locker rooms in which no-one 18 and under is allowed (not sure why 18yos aren't allowed in them, but they have saunas where you also have to be 19yo, again not a clue why).

Edited January 28, 2016 by luuknam

[Χά�ων]

Do these people realize that if parents left children this age alone/unsupervised anywhere else they could go to jail?

Well This is obviously different because of prevalent (and wrong!) view of males as nothing but sex driven animals who cannot handle even looking at the female body without hoing on a rampage and rape the women and girls changing in the locker room.

 

Sadly, I am only slightly exaggerating and going by the many many treads I have read on this forum, I firmly believe the obsession with modesty and coveribg the female body is to blame.

[Χά�ων]

I cannot find the post but someone brought up that this is about Moms bringing boys into the women's locker room and it was said that no one is talking about dads taking girls into the mens locker room. I think the reason is that the majority of posters are homeschooling moms and putting forth their experience as moms of boys.

 

My partner would take a daughter into the mens room at those same ages and not send her alone into the women's restroom.

[SKL]

The cutoff is 3? Are you sure about that? You must have some seriously advanced children in your community. I don't know many children at age 3+ who can independently undress, shower, dry off, and dress all by themselves. Even if these little ones aren't taking a shower it's still struggle for MOST little ones that age to undress and get dressed alone. My 7 yr old still needs my help.

 

Again.  That is what the family changing rooms are for.

 

[bettyandbob]

I was not talking about the day and time, I was trying to say that many communities do not have more than one location for indoor swimming or even outdoor swimming.

 

Telling people if they do not like it to go someplace is not always an option due to lack of options.

 

 

I love swimming, but I don't see it as unreasonable to tell people who can't comply with a simple rule when a family room is available to not use the facility, even if there is no other facility within 2 hours drive. 

 

If you don't like the family room or the wait, work with the facility to get changes. Time limits when people are waiting. Dry curtained changing areas separate from changing rooms. There are many things that can be done depending on the facility and creative thought. Work with the system and get appropriate change that satisfies everyone, don't bring your 8 yob into the locker room and disregard the feelings of the women and girls who are appropriately there. 

[Plink]

Wow.  The entitlement that mom exhibited is embarrassing.  There WAS an option - she just didn't like it.

 

We live in New England and even in the dead of winter when the line for the family bathroom is too long we just wrap towels around shivering little bodies, sit on blankets, and crank the heat in the car.  Everyone changes once they are home.

[EmseB]

Well This is obviously different because of prevalent (and wrong!) view of males as nothing but sex driven animals who cannot handle even looking at the female body without hoing on a rampage and rape the women and girls changing in the locker room.

 

Sadly, I am only slightly exaggerating and going by the many many treads I have read on this forum, I firmly believe the obsession with modesty and coveribg the female body is to blame.

I'd rather men also keep themselves clothed in front of 10yo girls. I don't think that nakedness being private beyond a certain age has much to do with shame about the female body or men being sex driven animals. A great many people don't want to be naked in front of strangers of the opposite sex, it's not that revolutionary or horrible. Edited January 28, 2016 by JodiSue

[Dmmetler]

By 10, my DD was embarrassed to have ME see her naked, let alone a strange boy her age.

[kristi26]

Four?! I would....not comply with that sign.

 

Eta-- but yeah by ten, its past time. I guess id talk to the staff about it.

 

I would have a lot of trouble with that sign as well. I would grudgingly do it though as I'm an avid rule follower. :glare:

 

I would talk to staff and have them handle it. Especially after seeing the way she responded when confronted. I'd tell the staff that too.

[bolt.]

Responding to Jodi Sue, above (sorry for not quoting)

 

It actually is quite recent and not widespread (revolutionary in the sense of greater history) and not universally considered a positive step (though rarely considered 'horrible'). It just seems perfectly normal because it is the cultural norm of our own culture.

 

As a cultural norm, it is *definitely* a shame-driven, sex-oriented norm. No sociologist in the world would propose or defend any other reason for its existence.

Edited January 28, 2016 by bolt.

[Word Nerd]

I would think instead of throwing shade at moms of multiple little girls taking advantage of a family changing room, you'd save your ire for the childless adults who use those spaces. I can't be the only one who's seen that before.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Wow.  The entitlement that mom exhibited is embarrassing.  There WAS an option - she just didn't like it.

 

We live in New England and even in the dead of winter when the line for the family bathroom is too long we just wrap towels around shivering little bodies, sit on blankets, and crank the heat in the car.  Everyone changes once they are home.

 

Really?  You get in your car in the dead of winter with wet bathing suits and towels?  That's pretty hard core. LOL

[Sherry in OH]

The cutoff at our Y is age 2.  Yes, it can be annoying after swim lessons to have to wait for a family room.  It is especially annoying when the rooms are being used by gaggles of teenage girls.  But, the family rooms at our Y are designated as for families, people with disabilities, or ANYONE desiring or needing privacy. No keys are needed.  You go in the room, lock the door, and use it.  Most people try to be considerate.  Some are oblivious, and some just need more time. 

 

To save time, many parents of young children change them poolside. A child too old to be changed poolside is too old to go into the opposite sex’s changing room.  Children either use the same sex's changing room (usually in a group) or wait for a family room to be available.  In warmer weather, many wear their suits home.  Otherwise, you deal with it.  Take snacks to give hungry children while they wait for their turn in the locker room.  Or dally in the pool area for an extra fifteen minutes. 

 

The women’s dressing room does not have cubicles.  It is rows of lockers and benches with open showering facilities and toilet cubicles to one side. (Think old-fashioned high school gym facilities).  I assume the men’s facilities are the same.  In the family changing room, the children are contained in a smaller area.

 

I can’t imagine taking my seven year old into the women’s locker room, let alone my ten year old.  Both would be mortified at the thought of changing in front of women and girls.   

[Χά�ων]

I'd rather men also keep themselves clothed in front of 10yo girls. I don't think that nakedness being private beyond a certain age has much to do with shame about the female body or men being sex driven animals. A great many people don't want to be naked in front of strangers of the opposite sex, it's not that revolutionary or horrible.

In our culture nudity is viewed as embarrassing and shameful. This view is destructive and the reason so many are uncomfortable. If our nudity was viewed as normal in our culture it would be a non issue for a 10 year old to be in the locker room with his mother. Or heck, it might just be one large communal changing area.

[bolt.]

In our culture nudity is viewed as embarrassing and shameful. This view is destructive and the reason so many are uncomfortable. If our nudity was viewed as normal in our culture it would be a non issue for a 10 year old to be in the locker room with his mother. Or heck, it might just be one large communal changing area.

Or, you know, just the pool deck.

 

Or, honestly, no such thing as swim suits: just drying and dressing.

[Χά�ων]

Or, you know, just the pool deck.

 

Or, honestly, no such thing as swim suits: just drying and dressing.

Sounds more convient for all involved.

[SparklyUnicorn]

In our culture nudity is viewed as embarrassing and shameful. This view is destructive and the reason so many are uncomfortable. If our nudity was viewed as normal in our culture it would be a non issue for a 10 year old to be in the locker room with his mother. Or heck, it might just be one large communal changing area.

 

I agree.  Our attitudes towards nudity are incredibly strange.

 

I was watching a German movie this past weekend.  Lot of nudity in it.  Not sexy nudity. Just everyday nudity.  Lot of scenes with parents and kids and nobody was acting wigged out.  It's just normal.  Not a huge deal.

 

Admittedly I'm as ridiculous because this nonsense has been pounded into me.  I know someone said here so women can be free to be naked in the locker area.  I have never seen naked women in the locker area.  Most people are way too uptight for that.  I'll go out on a limb and say I don't believe most 10ish plus aged girls would even walk around naked.  They would be quick and discrete out of shame and embarrassment because we are told we should be embarrassed.  So this super mega naked club we are all supposedly a member of in the women's locker room I say is bull.  Never never ever never had that experience in any locker room.

[SparklyUnicorn]

OK, HOWEVER, I still think if they have the family room then she should have used it.  She should spend time complaining to have it made larger.  Or whatever.  It's stupid they make such tiny family rooms.  That part should change.  I bet a ton of families would use it.  I'd use it with my 10 year old.  I know he would prefer to be with me than in a men's locker room by himself with strangers.  He's just skitzy like that.  But of course he can't be with me because god forbid he might see a room overflowing with naked girls.  LOL

 

 

[EmseB]

Really? You get in your car in the dead of winter with wet bathing suits and towels? That's pretty hard core. LOL

We did, I remember being cold, but we wore parkas and boots, and it was about 3 minutes.

[Bluegoat]

I don't think rules about mixed sex nudity, or very public nudity, correspond particularly to a shameful culture. I think there are a lot more variables than that. Nor, IMO, does lack of rules correspond to a healthier attitude.

 

I do think that there is some correspondence between fear of nudity in same sex groups in more private settings - like change rooms or saunas - and discomfort with sexuality and the body.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

We did, I remember being cold, but we wore parkas and boots, and it was about 3 minutes.

 

Guess I'm not tough enough for that.  LOL

 

It is colder where I live though.  ; )

[Χά�ων]

I agree. Our attitudes towards nudity are incredibly strange.

 

I was watching a German movie this past weekend. Lot of nudity in it. Not sexy nudity. Just everyday nudity. Lot of scenes with parents and kids and nobody was acting wigged out. It's just normal. Not a huge deal.

 

Admittedly I'm as ridiculous because this nonsense has been pounded into me. I know someone said here so women can be free to be naked in the locker area. I have never seen naked women in the locker area. Most people are way too uptight for that. I'll go out on a limb and say I don't believe most 10ish plus aged girls would even walk around naked. They would be quick and discrete out of shame and embarrassment because we are told we should be embarrassed. So this super mega naked club we are all supposedly a member of in the women's locker room I say is bull. Never never ever never had that experience in any locker room.

I agree with you. Part of why I point it out is because it is so strange.

[LucyStoner]

The cutoff is 3? Are you sure about that? You must have some seriously advanced children in your community. I don't know many children at age 3+ who can independently undress, shower, dry off, and dress all by themselves. Even if these little ones aren't taking a shower it's still struggle for MOST little ones that age to undress and get dressed alone. My 7 yr old still needs my help.

Yeah, my 7 year old has no motor skill delays and can't get off his rash guard/swim shirt alone. Yes, wearing a swim shirt is optional but he will.not.agree.to.swim.without.one.

 

When I take the boys swimming with my niece and nephew I send my sons and my nephew into the men's room but my older son is turning 13 this year and can help his brother. My nephew is 10, he can also help. Even still, I have to make sure to count their towels and suits when they come out, lol. Because the last thing I want to do is have to drive back to the pool and check lost and found.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't think rules about mixed sex nudity, or very public nudity, correspond particularly to a shameful culture. I think there are a lot more variables than that. Nor, IMO, does lack of rules correspond to a healthier attitude.

 

I do think that there is some correspondence between fear of nudity in same sex groups in more private settings - like change rooms or saunas - and discomfort with sexuality and the body.

 

Yeah I don't think so either.  BUT if the family rooms are so heavily populated, and in my experiences they always are, then there are both families who don't have a problem with a mixed changing room area AND who have a real need/desire for it.  So what in heck.  These clubs charge enough.

[Bluegoat]

I agree.  Our attitudes towards nudity are incredibly strange.

 

I was watching a German movie this past weekend.  Lot of nudity in it.  Not sexy nudity. Just everyday nudity.  Lot of scenes with parents and kids and nobody was acting wigged out.  It's just normal.  Not a huge deal.

 

Admittedly I'm as ridiculous because this nonsense has been pounded into me.  I know someone said here so women can be free to be naked in the locker area.  I have never seen naked women in the locker area.  Most people are way too uptight for that.  I'll go out on a limb and say I don't believe most 10ish plus aged girls would even walk around naked.  They would be quick and discrete out of shame and embarrassment because we are told we should be embarrassed.  So this super mega naked club we are all supposedly a member of in the women's locker room I say is bull.  Never never ever never had that experience in any locker room.

 

You see it a lot more in settings where people are doing it a lot.  Swim teams, dance schools, the army, that sort of thing. 

 

Mind you, I think people have become more uptight about this - when I was a kid, women did actually go around naked in pool change rooms.  Now I don't see that, and even in the army they are adding stalls (at least to the women's shower rooms.)

[SKL]

Taking kids swimming on weekdays is itself a luxury, not a right or a necessity. People always have the option of not going if it's so taxing to abide by the established policies and make use of the alternatives available.

 

Thank you.  When the rules didn't work for me and my kids (which was the case for years), my kids simply did not have the luxury of swimming.  If it was basic food we were talking about, I would have more sympathy.

[SparklyUnicorn]

You see it a lot more in settings where people are doing it a lot.  Swim teams, dance schools, the army, that sort of thing. 

 

Mind you, I think people have become more uptight about this - when I was a kid, women did actually go around naked in pool change rooms.  Now I don't see that, and even in the army they are adding stalls (at least to the women's shower rooms.)

 

Does not bode with my experiences.

 

I'm just thinking back to when I had little kids.  They are so damn uptight they flip over a 2 year old being in the women's room.  That is ridiculous on any planet.

[luuknam]

In our culture nudity is viewed as embarrassing and shameful. This view is destructive and the reason so many are uncomfortable. If our nudity was viewed as normal in our culture it would be a non issue for a 10 year old to be in the locker room with his mother. Or heck, it might just be one large communal changing area.

 

Right, but there isn't one large communal changing area, and since there isn't, it isn't right for someone to unilaterally decide to make a non-communal changing area into one for her convenience when there are family changing rooms. If the reason is anti-gendered locker-room activism, say that's your reason (and get kicked out by management)... otherwise, use the family changing room.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Thank you.  When the rules didn't work for me and my kids (which was the case for years), my kids simply did not have the luxury of swimming.  If it was basic food we were talking about, I would have more sympathy.

 

Yeah of course.  How dare anyone want to go swimming during the week? 

 

People with little kids should not leave the house.  Too many problems.  Can't use bathrooms.  Can't use changing rooms.  Just one big fat problem.  They don't need to leave the house anyway.

[EmseB]

Ok, well, I'm fine with my status as a shame-filled prude because I don't want to be naked in front of other guys besides my husband, including tween boys.

 

I think everyone who wants to go all Starship Troopers in the locker rooms should feel free to have their own swim clubs and community centers because they are so bothered by not being able to be naked in front of everyone. :)

[EmseB]

Yeah of course. How dare anyone want to go swimming during the week?

 

People with little kids should not leave the house. Too many problems. Can't use bathrooms. Can't use changing rooms. Just one big fat problem. They don't need to leave the house anyway.

In the OP there were accommodations and there are options. That's the whole point.

[luuknam]

Thank you.  When the rules didn't work for me and my kids (which was the case for years), my kids simply did not have the luxury of swimming.  If it was basic food we were talking about, I would have more sympathy.

 

Right. I do think swimming is a safety skill, but if a kid isn't old enough to be in the locker room alone, then the kid isn't old enough to be near any body of water they could drown in alone, so that safety skill can wait.

[Bluegoat]

Does not bode with my experiences.

 

I'm just thinking back to when I had little kids.  They are so damn uptight they flip over a 2 year old being in the women's room.  That is ridiculous on any planet.

 

Well, I am thinking back to the early 80's.  The women my mom's age had no issues with nudity in teh change room.  Girls my age were mortified, and it seems like they stayed mortified - they never grew out of it for the most part.

 

The exceptions I've seen is where there was a smaller sub-culture.  I got overit when I was in teh army, because I had no choice, and having kids also impacted it.  My youngest sister was serious about ballet and those girls spent so much time in change rooms they became much more blase - like models, I guess, in a way.  I also know people who are from an ethnic sub-culture where it seems to be different.  At the Muslim women's swim, the women are super open in the change room, and also in the areas of the city that are majority black it seems the attitude is different.

[SparklyUnicorn]

In the OP there were accommodations and there are options. That's the whole point.

 

I agree, but I still understand the mother's side.

 

I don't understand why places don't provide a bigger family area.  I am thinking back to when I went to the Y.  The family area was the most popular and the absolute smallest.  How stupid is that?!

[wendyroo]

I would alert the management.

 

I'm a mom of little boys, so I do understand that mom's plight, but I would not allow my 6 year old in a women's locker room, much less an older boy.  The family changing rooms are there for a reason...even if it less convenient for her.  Adding kids to the mix often adds a layer of inconvenience.

 

That is why I big, puffy heart our YMCA.  They have a strict policy of NO children/people of the opposite gender in the men's or women's locker rooms, but it is a complete non-issue.  The men's and women's locker rooms are actually pretty small.  The family locker room, on the other hand, is huge.  It is a big U shape with lockers and benches in the middle and 20ish large, fully enclosed, lockable changing rooms lining the outside.  Each changing room has a shower, toilet, sink, counter, chair and fold down changing table.  They are big enough for DH and I and all 4 of the kids to fit in and reasonable maneuver...though it is snug and I now often send Peter into the room next to ours to change.

 

During the busiest times on Saturdays (during swim lessons) the family changing room is bustling, but I have never had to wait more than 5 minutes for one of the changing rooms to open up.

 

Wendy

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well, I am thinking back to the early 80's.  The women my mom's age had no issues with nudity in teh change room.  Girls my age were mortified, and it seems like they stayed mortified - they never grew out of it for the most part.

 

The exceptions I've seen is where there was a smaller sub-culture.  I got overit when I was in teh army, because I had no choice, and having kids also impacted it.  My youngest sister was serious about ballet and those girls spent so much time in change rooms they became much more blase - like models, I guess, in a way.  I also know people who are from an ethnic sub-culture where it seems to be different.  At the Muslim women's swim, the women are super open in the change room, and also in the areas of the city that are majority black it seems the attitude is different.

 

I went to the Girl's club with my mother swimming in the early 80s.  I don't recall any nakedness.  In fact we also had curtained individual changing stalls.  Not bathrooms, but just for the purposes of changing. 

 

I've been in changing rooms with Muslims.  They are even nuttier.  They go into the pool in what looks like a full body robe.  LOL

[SparklyUnicorn]

I would alert the management.

 

I'm a mom of little boys, so I do understand that mom's plight, but I would not allow my 6 year old in a women's locker room, much less an older boy.  The family changing rooms are there for a reason...even if it less convenient for her.  Adding kids to the mix often adds a layer of inconvenience.

 

That is why I big, puffy heart our YMCA.  They have a strict policy of NO children/people of the opposite gender in the men's or women's locker rooms, but it is a complete non-issue.  The men's and women's locker rooms are actually pretty small.  The family locker room, on the other hand, is huge.  It is a big U shape with lockers and benches in the middle and 20ish large, fully enclosed, lockable changing rooms lining the outside.  Each changing room has a shower, toilet, sink, counter, chair and fold down changing table.  They are big enough for DH and I and all 4 of the kids to fit in and reasonable maneuver...though it is snug and I now often send Peter into the room next to ours to change.

 

During the busiest times on Saturdays (during swim lessons) the family changing room is bustling, but I have never had to wait more than 5 minutes for one of the changing rooms to open up.

 

Wendy

 

See your Y does it right.  That is why I bet there are almost no issues! 

Edited January 28, 2016 by SparklyUnicorn