LifeLovePassion Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 If you have a sibling getting married locally aND your are in the wedding. Who is invited to the rehearsal/dinner? Your spouse? Your kids? I am curious if my expectations are in or oUT of liNE with normal practice . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I would expect your entire family would be invited 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Just you and your spouse. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenneinCA Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Only the wedding party would attend the rehearsal. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyThreeSons Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Since you are local, I would say just you or you and your spouse. Presumably, there is someone local who can watch the kiddos -- there is too much going on at the rehearsal to deal with them on top of everything else. If your spouse isn't part of the wedding and wants to stay at home with the kids, that would be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PamJBA Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I was taught the rehearsal dinner included: 1. wedding party and their significant others, 2. parents, siblings, and adult children of the bride and groom, and 3. out-of-town guests. Here's the more official word for what it's worth. Emily Post http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/460-the-rehearsal-dinner Miss Manners https://books.google.com/books?id=Q348PWE1p6MC&pg=PA378&lpg=PA378&dq=miss+manners+wedding+rehearsal+dinner&source=bl&ots=LDhCMT2Jni&sig=X1nKNCBsDAErlm46OvXTn_KppmU&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CCoQ6AEwA2oVChMIj_Lyy56TxgIVAS2MCh07PQou#v=onepage&q=miss%20manners%20wedding%20rehearsal%20dinner&f=false 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Since it's local just you and your spouse if the rehearsal dinner were formal, or was more of a party with alcohol. Plus children if an informal dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I was taught the rehearsal dinner included: 1. wedding party and their significant others, 2. parents, siblings, and adult children of the bride and groom, and 3. out-of-town guests. Yes, this exactly. I would add that it would also include the parents of any flower girl, ring bearer or junior bridesmaid. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 If you have a sibling getting married locally aND your are in the wedding. Who is invited to the rehearsal/dinner? Your spouse? Your kids? I am curious if my expectations are in or oUT of liNE with normal practice . Theoretically, the people who will actually participate in the ceremony: attendants, including cute little people aka ring bearers and flower girls, who must be accompanied by their adult parents, officiants, happy couple, parents of bride-and-groom. Somehow, it's become a pre-wedding wedding, with everyone who might possibly ever have breathed the same air as the happy couple. o_0 I, for example, would not expect out-of-town guests who are not part of the wedding party to attend. I would also not have made a big dinner out of it, with written invitations and whatnot, which many people do. I guess I'm old-fashioned, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I would invite the wedding party member and his/her significant other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ripley Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Somehow, it's become a pre-wedding wedding, with everyone who might possibly ever have breathed the same air as the happy couple. o_0 I, for example, would not expect out-of-town guests who are not part of the wedding party to attend. I would also not have made a big dinner out of it, with written invitations and whatnot, which many people do. I guess I'm old-fashioned, lol. This is how my family does it, and while I've never heard the phrase I rather like it: pre-wedding wedding. We just invite everyone and make a party of it; but we're a party people, both genetically and culturally (even the old-fashioned among us!) :coolgleamA: We don't do the invites and whatnot either, but mostly because we'd all rather that money went towards an open bar - as guests and as hosts LOL. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Yes, this exactly. I would add that it would also include the parents of any flower girl, ring bearer or junior bridesmaid. Hmpfh. Diamond was a flower girl at her cousin's wedding, none of us were invited to the rehearsal. She was a Jr. bridesmaid and both sisters were flower girls in another cousin;s wedding (sister of the one above) Same deal. But of course we were invited to the bridal shower. :glare: Editing to add: By "none of us were invited" I mean NOT EVEN THE FLOWER GIRLS! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 The couple, wedding party and significant others, immediate family of couple, perhaps children depending on type of dinner. Grandparents of the couple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PamJBA Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 If the dinner is very late or an adult only thing I could see leaving young members of the wedding party out. If the kids aren't invited, there's no reason to invite their parental chaperones. My family always has child friendly events, but that's not true for everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Hmpfh. Diamond was a flower girl at her cousin's wedding, none of us were invited to the rehearsal. She was a Jr. bridesmaid and both sisters were flower girls in another cousin;s wedding (sister of the one above) Same deal. But of course we were invited to the bridal shower. :glare: :grouphug: Well, really, a meal after the rehearsal is just supposed to be a quick pick-me-up, not a big formal dinner or anything. Perhaps you weren't invited to the rehearsal (which is really stupid, because otherwise how do the little people learn what they're supposed to do??) because the happy couple (or the parents of the happy couple) were having a big ol' expensive dinner and were trying to cut down on the cost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 :grouphug: Well, really, a meal after the rehearsal is just supposed to be a quick pick-me-up, not a big formal dinner or anything. Perhaps you weren't invited to the rehearsal (which is really stupid, because otherwise how do the little people learn what they're supposed to do??) because the happy couple (or the parents of the happy couple) were having a big ol' expensive dinner and were trying to cut down on the cost. I edited my post for clarity: By "none of us were invited" I mean NOT EVEN THE FLOWER GIRLS! They went to the rehearsal at the church, but not to dinner after. I know my kids aren;t perfect, but they are VERY well-behaved... we have always gotten compliments on their good behavior, so it wasn't a case of wanting cute kids for photos but not wanting the unruly brats to actually be there, KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 We invited (or rather DH's parents invited) every member of the wedding party, their families, and out of town guests that were in town already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I live in a part of the country that has a population consisting of mostly transplants from all over the US for people over the age of 35. There is no norm here. So the answer is whoever the bride and groom choose to invite. That, by the way, is the right answer no matter where you live. The parents of the couple and or the couple may choose to spend some extra time with people who will attend the wedding and invite them along to the rehearsal dinner. They may choose not to have it at a kid friendly venue or they may not be comfortable with kids at the rehearsal dinner even if kids were in the bridal party. To each his own. Just go with it. When you have your wedding you can do it however you want. If you already had your wedding remember, it's not your turn now. If someone you thought should've got invited but didn't, don't make an issue of it. If you think someone got invited that shouldn't have, keep it to yourself. Don't turn it into anything symbolic about the relationship and don't turn it into a reason to be hurt or offended on your own behalf or someone else's. If you would've done it differently feel free to tell whoever specifically asks you what you would've done but not within earshot of anyone who didn't ask. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 You and spouse should be invited simply because you are immediate family. You and spouse should also invited because one of you are in the wedding party. Kids depending on how formal, but yes if they are in the wedding party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 My extended family is very informal about rehearsal dinners. Whoever help out during the rehearsal is just "herd" to dinner afterwards. Everyone have to eat anyway and all the adults just split the bill somehow. I don't know if my friend even had a rehearsal dinner. My son was her ring bearer. Never even occurred to me. I was invited to a rehearsal dinner decades ago because I was the last minute unofficial babysitter of the ring bearer (bride's sister's son) during the wedding rehearsal. My aunt was helping as she is a long time friend and neighbor of the bride's parents. Ring bearer's mom was busy helping her sister (bride to be). Ring bearer is used to me being the unpaid babysitter :lol: He is a few years younger than me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 But if the parents of the groom are paying then the bride and groom may not feel comfortable adding people KWIM? OP, do you know who is paying for it? That may have something to do with the list. My dad really wanted to include my out-of-town aunt at my rehearsal dinner. But dh's parents were paying for it. It was a bit awkward. My dad offered to pay for my aunt. He just really wanted her to be included. I guess if she hadn't come she would have sat alone at the house while we were all eating out! Oh, and a friend of mine that was a lector was not invited... but that wasn't because I didn't want to. It's because I didn't think my in-laws wanted me adding more and more people. I think who the bride and groom want to include should be within the dollar amount set by whoever is paying for it. If that's not enough to include everyone that the bride and groom want to include they may need to change the venue to something more realistic. I think the only right attitude for offering to pay for the rehearsal dinner is, "We/I would be happy to contribute $__________ to the rehearsal dinner." No strings attached. It's a gift. If someone offers the money to manipulate the guest list or take control, then it's no longer a gift to the couple. The couple are not entitled to the gift. Give it freely or don't offer it. The couple need to work within their means. If what they want isn't covered by someone's generous offer in total or in part, then the couple needs to take care of some or all of it on their own or come up with a more realistic budget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I think it depends... If the rehearsal dinner is a more formal, sit-down event -- then the bride and groom, their parents and siblings, and wedding party. Siblings and wedding party should be able to invite their spouses/significant others; flower girl or ring bearer should come with at least a parent (both should be invited). If it is a less formal event, then children of siblings and wedding party, grandparents, out-of-town guests, etc. can be invited. Personally I don't feel this latter group should naturally be invited; only if the situation could easily accommodate them. We did the first with ours. ETA: I wanted to add that we had a different event, the night before the rehearsal and dinner, for out-of-town guests -- which were many and who had come a long ways. This wedding was in a different country (of the bride). The bride's family invited all of the out-of-town guests (family and friends) to their home out in the countryside for a very fun, casual, pot-luck type meal. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I think the discussion has been more about the rehearsal dinner. I wanted to add that the rehearsal should only be attended by the wedding party, the parents of the bride, and sometimes the minister or wedding coordinator. The others who are included at the rehearsal dinner should meet at the dinner venue. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I edited my post for clarity: By "none of us were invited" I mean NOT EVEN THE FLOWER GIRLS! They went to the rehearsal at the church, but not to dinner after. I know my kids aren;t perfect, but they are VERY well-behaved... we have always gotten compliments on their good behavior, so it wasn't a case of wanting cute kids for photos but not wanting the unruly brats to actually be there, KWIM? This is totally rude. The flower girls and at least one parent should have been invited to dinner after. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tm919 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 The rehearsal dinners we have attended included spouses and children of the wedding party. Some also included out of town guests who may have arrived early. I've been to some that had 100-150 people! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I live in a part of the country that has a population consisting of mostly transplants from all over the US for people over the age of 35. There is no norm here. So the answer is whoever the bride and groom choose to invite. That, by the way, is the right answer no matter where you live. The parents of the couple and or the couple may choose to spend some extra time with people who will attend the wedding and invite them along to the rehearsal dinner. They may choose not to have it at a kid friendly venue or they may not be comfortable with kids at the rehearsal dinner even if kids were in the bridal party. To each his own. Just go with it. When you have your wedding you can do it however you want. If you already had your wedding remember, it's not your turn now. If someone you thought should've got invited but didn't, don't make an issue of it. If you think someone got invited that shouldn't have, keep it to yourself. Don't turn it into anything symbolic about the relationship and don't turn it into a reason to be hurt or offended on your own behalf or someone else's. If you would've done it differently feel free to tell whoever specifically asks you what you would've done but not within earshot of anyone who didn't ask. I think this is an incredibly wise post for dealing with all the issues regarding weddings. I've been to rehearsal dinners that are done all kind of different ways. We had a big dinner, as big as some weddings because dh comes from a family that sort of expected to come to the rehearsal dinner. We had lots of out of town guests and relatives and so we invited everyone who was out of town plus everyone in the wedding. It also gave us a chance to have the Chinese banquet that we knew dh's Dad and relatives would want but that we didn't want for our actual wedding reception. We've been to weddings where the rehearsal dinner was very small and only the wedding party and others (usually dh's family) where everyone who is in town is invited. Some were BBQs, some were incredibly fancy dinners in of themselves. I think it's really up to the bride and groom to do it the way they want to. I also think it's fine for guests to politely decline an invitation if it creates a problem for them. I'm guessing that in your case the sibling didn't invite your kids, or possibly your spouse. Not inviting a spouse does seem rude unless they are really strapped for space or money or have reason to assume that the spouse doesn't want to come. Not inviting kids is more common, some people like having kids at everything and some people prefer a more adult atmosphere. Either way, you can politely decline the invitation if it's an issue for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Rehearsal: people in the wedding, parents of young members of wedding party Rehearsal dinner: people in the wedding (including people doing readings or singing, not just bridesmaids), significant others of people in wedding, out of town guests who are close to family (this will vary with size of wedding, small wedding may have all out of town guests), parents of young wedding party members, immediate family of bride and groom whether or not they are in wedding party. I think this is in Emily Post and Miss Manners. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 If you have a sibling getting married locally aND your are in the wedding. Who is invited to the rehearsal/dinner? Your spouse? Your kids? I am curious if my expectations are in or oUT of liNE with normal practice . Rehearsal is just for the people in the wedding. Rehearsal dinner - that is a loaded question. I would expect your whole family invited to that. I had a cousin get married local to me. My kids were all in his wedding. My mom isn't local but was staying at my house. Just my kids and I went to the rehearsal. I came home and picked up dh and my folks before going to dinner. Or maybe my folks drove separately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I think people have decided that these days Miss Manners and Emily Post provide a general guideline rather than strict requirements. I also think that's a good thing because it allows each couple to do what works for them rather than what someone says should work for them. I live in a part of the country that has a population consisting of mostly transplants from all over the US for people over the age of 35. There is no norm here. So the answer is whoever the bride and groom choose to invite. That, by the way, is the right answer no matter where you live. The parents of the couple and or the couple may choose to spend some extra time with people who will attend the wedding and invite them along to the rehearsal dinner. They may choose not to have it at a kid friendly venue or they may not be comfortable with kids at the rehearsal dinner even if kids were in the bridal party. To each his own. Just go with it. When you have your wedding you can do it however you want. If you already had your wedding remember, it's not your turn now. If someone you thought should've got invited but didn't, don't make an issue of it. If you think someone got invited that shouldn't have, keep it to yourself. Don't turn it into anything symbolic about the relationship and don't turn it into a reason to be hurt or offended on your own behalf or someone else's. If you would've done it differently feel free to tell whoever specifically asks you what you would've done but not within earshot of anyone who didn't ask. Excellent post! OP, I wouldn't read too much into it. As a local member of the wedding party you're really the only one who needs to be there. If your spouse and/or children are invited that's up to the bride and groom (or groom's family if they're footing the bill). But if the parents of the groom are paying then the bride and groom may not feel comfortable adding people KWIM? OP, do you know who is paying for it? That may have something to do with the list. My dad really wanted to include my out-of-town aunt at my rehearsal dinner. But dh's parents were paying for it. It was a bit awkward. My dad offered to pay for my aunt. He just really wanted her to be included. I guess if she hadn't come she would have sat alone at the house while we were all eating out! Oh, and a friend of mine that was a lector was not invited... but that wasn't because I didn't want to. It's because I didn't think my in-laws wanted me adding more and more people. I suppose some of this is affected by the relationship between the families. Dss got married in a hotel/resort in Orlando, about an hour away from where many of us live. Though we all stayed there, even those of us who were somewhat local, all of the out of state guests were relatives of ddil. There was a big bbq (informal obviously) at the hotel after the rehearsal and her mother wanted the visiting relatives to come. She and her husband (ddil's stepfather) offered to pay. We didn't want to seem picky about exact numbers, so ddil's mother and I went to lunch, went over the costs, and came up with a reasonable split. As I said, the relationship can make a difference. Our families get along, enjoy each other's company, and were each thrilled to welcome the other's "child" into our respective families. It might not work so easily for families that are cool or even neutral towards one another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 As a general rule, only those who need to practice actually attend the rehearsal itself. However the dinner can be rather wide open due to a variety of circumstances. Those on low budgets may only pay for the meal for the bridal party and parents. Others who have more to spend often make it a larger affair so that many out of town relatives and very close, personal friends can attend as it can be a fun time to visit and re-connect since the wedding day itself does not lend itself to a lot of time spent chatting and catching up on each other's lives. It all depends. Ask the bride for clarification. In my experience, except for the children who are a part of the ceremony, it is fairly rare for young children to be included. That is not always the case though. Dh and I wanted something very informal so we good sit around with all of our out of towners the night before and had his parents host a pizza party in my parents yard. Pizza, pop, salad, and chips, paper plates, and the like. Everyone sat around in lawn chairs and on blankets chatting away so all of the little cousins were invited. If you have a received a formal invitation to the rehearsal dinner, then the general rule is that only those named on the invitation should attend. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 This is totally rude. The flower girls and at least one parent should have been invited to dinner after. Thanks! I will add that the Junior bridesmaid was 14 at the time, and the flower girls were 9 & 7. So we're not talking little toddlers and preschoolers who needed to be in bed by 7:30pm. Plus, WE traveled over 1.5 hours to get to the wedding venue. It might have been a little more OK if we had known ahead of time thay they/we were not invited to the dinner. It was freely talked about around us. The father of the groom (first wedding) and bride (second wedding) was my step-brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Our rehearsal dinner was attended by the wedding party & spouses, parents, siblings, grandparents, plus a few extended family members and close friends of DH's family. His parents paid for the rehearsal dinner and specifically asked me if it was OK that they invited those extra people who wouldn't have normally attended. I was totally OK with it. We did arrange (and pay for) babysitters for children of the bridal party, since everyone in the bridal party was from out of town. We got married in the city where DH & I lived, but that meant that none of our family was local. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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