How Do You Get People To Understand You Really Don't Want A Gift

[Joyofsixreboot]

I dislike gifts. They make me uncomfortable. When I politely say that I don't need/ don't want/ would rather not/ no one listens. When I get one I am polite and thank the giver but really, if they are asking, I'd just rather not. If they don't want to listen why did they ask? any thoughts?

[SparklyUnicorn]

Sometimes gift giving isn't just about receiving gifts.  Sometimes the giver is truly delighted to give.  I know I am.  I could care less if I get something, but I'm extremely excited by giving gifts to people. 

 

So stop being so selfish.

 

LOL...I'm mostly kidding.  But yeah sometimes people really want to give a gift.

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

It's called being able to receive grace.  You can always quietly pass it on to someone else later.  

[Kerileanne99]

Well, when my mother was so very insistent and I hated her spending money she didn't really have on stuff I would never use nor want, I started giving her the annual flyers from Heifer International and World Heritage. If she was really desperate to gift me something, this gave her an option...and showed her that I was really serious about not wanting anything.

[TranquilMind]

Sometimes gift giving isn't just about receiving gifts.  Sometimes the giver is truly delighted to give.  I know I am.  I could care less if I get something, but I'm extremely excited by giving gifts to people. 

 

So stop being so selfish.

 

LOL...I'm mostly kidding.  But yeah sometimes people really want to give a gift.

You are right.

 

One must be a good receiver as well as a good giver.  Stop robbing the giver of pleasure and gracefully accept the gift.  It's not all about you, I'd argue in agreement. 

[Mrs Mungo]

Why does it make you uncomfortable? All gifts? Only from some people?

[GinaPagnato]

I don't think you can really get people to understand this when they really want to get you something. For example, one of my dc's teachers has told us repeatedly that she does not want any gifts at the holidays. However, there are many internationals in his class, and they in particular see it as a way to show honor and respect to this teacher so they really can't abide the idea of giving nothing to her. In fact, I think it's wrong of her to be so insistent, as it fails to take into consideration the backgrounds and needs of the givers.

 

Now, your situation is probably not like this, in that you may not be dealing with cross-cultural practices, but I believe the sentiment is the same. When someone would feel awkward and uncomfortable NOT giving you something, or if they would be robbed of some joy by you not wanting to receive a gift from them, then I think the onus is on you to happily receive the gift. I know you said you always show appreciation when someone does give you one, but I would go further and say you should probably not even say you don't want anything.

[Mrs Mungo]

Maybe think of a small luxury that you would like, but don't buy yourself. Fancy fruit? A nice cheese box from Williams Sonoma?

[HS Mom in NC]

I dislike gifts. They make me uncomfortable. When I politely say that I don't need/ don't want/ would rather not/ no one listens. When I get one I am polite and thank the giver but really, if they are asking, I'd just rather not. If they don't want to listen why did they ask? any thoughts?

 

I have a friend who has 4 kids and 4 siblings with 4-6 kids each.  Her husband has 3 siblings who each have 3-6 kids.  One year they decided they were done with consumer type Christmas and explained in summer that they didn't want to exchange gifts anymore with everyone at Christmas  She explained it nicely and matter of factly to each adult and in-law on the phone  that they would not be giving any gifts, but were delighted to get together as usual and celebrate Jesus' birthday with them as usual.  She asked them not to give any of her family members gifts as they would not be bringing any gifts for anyone else. The kids knew that's how it would be and were fine with it.  She told them that she, her husband and her kids would get one family gift at their home by themselves. (It was a refurbished or used video game player thing and a couple of games.) She explained finances were very challenging and they just couldn't pull it off financially for soooo many people and had been growing more  philosophically opposed to such a huge consumerist focus on the holiday for quite a while anyway.

 

One side of the family apparently couldn't:

1. Understand this different point of view and approach to life.

2. Respect someone's polite, reasonable request to be left out of the gift exchange.

 

That side brought each of her kids gifts and complained she didn't being gifts for their kids.  Seriously.

 

The other side said, "OK.  We're still going to exchange gifts with each other at the get together, but if you don't want to participate in the exchange, we'll respect it." No problem. 

 

I think there is a huge cultural problem in America that sooo many people cannot recognize this approach to life and respect it.  I didn't say everyone should adopt it and match her point of view and lifestyle but insisting when someone asks you not to is obnoxious. It's like being introduced to someone who tells you, "Hi, I'm Bill." and then you insist on calling him William because you just love the more formal William and that's what Bill's mom put on his birth certificate and you aren't comfortable with nicknames, etc. Obnoxious. It's like going to someone's house who, as a regular practice, remove their shoes and ask you to do the same but you insist on keeping them in because you just looooove the shoes you're wearing and spent so much time and energy getting just the right pair to go with your outfit, etc.  Obnoxious.

 

A lot of people can't respect the request to not be given a gift.  Don't believe me?  Read the old threads on bringing birthday presents in spite of the fact that the invitation specifically said not to.  Most Americans cannot emotionally handle the discomfort for something out of the norm and will insist it's OK to bring one anyway. I've never done the opt out of gifts myself but I'm willing to not bring a gift when someone specifically asks me not to.  The emotional discomfort is minor and temporary.  I'm a big girl and can handle it.

 

People with minimalist lifestyles don't get pleasure from things that are not essential-quite the opposite.  Non essentials are incompatible with their lifestyles and philosophies in the same way some religious orders have members who choose to not have physical possessions, or at least not many of them.  I think those people should have their philosophical views respected just like I would respect someone's philosophically/religiously based dietary restrictions that I don't practice or agree with.

 

I can give gifts to my heart's content to all the people in my life who have not specifically asked me to refrain from giving them a gift.

[Evergreen State Sue]

If you truly don't want a gift, I suggest you tell the person that you want your gift to be a donation to a charity of your choice or the gift giver's choice.  The more specific you are, the better.  That helps give the person who wants to acknowledge you at this time of year a place to direct their funds.  When you tell them, be really happy about their thoughtfulness and express your desire for this type of gift is truly what you want. 

[Jenny in Florida]

I dislike receiving gifts, too.

 

What bugs me about this is that somehow, the giver's "right" to enjoy giving is supposed to trump the every bit as valid right of the receiver to be left alone.

 

For what it's worth, I am always (outwardly) gracious about receiving. But honestly, really, the vast majority of the time,I really wish people wouldn't insist. It's one of the many reasons I kind of dread the holiday season and the single biggest reason I essentially stopped celebrating my birthday at all a number of years ago. (I've found if I simply don't tell people when my birthday is and ask my family to keep any good wishes they might share quiet, I can avoid any potential gift giving for at least that one occasion.)

 

With my family and closest friends, I managed to sit down with each of them at a time not associated with gifting and explain why receiving gifts makes me uncomfortable. It took multiple heart-to-heart conversations, and my husband and kids still insist on making sure there are a few things under the Christmas tree for me to open, but we've reached a compromise we can all more or less live with. 

[Ellie]

I dislike gifts. They make me uncomfortable. When I politely say that I don't need/ don't want/ would rather not/ no one listens. When I get one I am polite and thank the giver but really, if they are asking, I'd just rather not. If they don't want to listen why did they ask? any thoughts?

 

I will say this as politely as possible. :-)

 

Deal with it.

 

I don't know what happened in your life to make you feel this way, but it's...weird. You will not make people understand something like that. Come up with something inexpensive--a scarf, a book by a well-known author that would be easy to find, a fragrance, a box of Whitman's chocolate, a coffee mug, Earl Grey tea--and let that be your go-to gift. Donate it to Goodwill or something if you don't want to keep it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've been thinking about this and perhaps it is in how you word it?  I have a brother who "doesn't believe in celebrating Christmas".  I do not understand (as in share his views on this) but I do respect it.  I do not give him Christmas gifts.  (I've noticed all his grown children make a big deal about Christmas though. . . !)  I do give him my Christmas newsletter though because that is about updating family once a year on what's going on in our life and is not about celebrating Christmas.  He's never complained about that.   I know other people who have specifically explained a minimalist lifestyle or asked for things to be donated to charity - I respect those reasons as well.  They are well thought out and have been kindly communicated.  I have other family who, for lack of a nicer way of saying it, are just grinchy about Christmas.  I don't really respect that, honestly, though lately I've decided that I'm not going to go out of my way for them either - so maybe their grinchiness has rubbed off on me.  

[hornblower]

I don't like receiving gifts & I know someone else who doesn't & I'll tell you why:


there's all this frigging pressure when you open it:  Do you like it? Do you really like it? Are you just saying that?  It's not just the response to them, it's also internal  "someone gave this to me, I SHOULD be appreciative, I SHOULD be grateful, I SHOULD be happy about this"

I don't like unwrapping presents, I don't like the whole 'ooooooh, I wonder what it is' suspense... all of it makes me want to run away screaming.

too much pressure, too much tension.  Fortunately the only persons who give me prezzies  are my mom & dh. They know what I like & they rarely wrap things - it's just "Here, I got this for you" & then hand me flowers or a box of vegan donuts. THAT I can cope with....

& I don't need other people to buy stuff for me so anything I want, I already have. I do like getting flowers though.

 

[hornblower]

For the OP : honestly, just keep repeating it. "No, thank you. I really would prefer not to get anything".  Stop giving presents, even if someone gives you one. When they do say "Um, thank you, this was kind of  you. but you shouldn't have. I want you to spend the money on yourself next year." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

[Jenny in Florida]

I don't like receiving gifts & I know someone else who doesn't & I'll tell you why:

 

 

there's all this frigging pressure when you open it:  Do you like it? Do you really like it? Are you just saying that?  It's not just the response to them, it's also internal  "someone gave this to me, I SHOULD be appreciative, I SHOULD be grateful, I SHOULD be happy about this"

 

I don't like unwrapping presents, I don't like the whole 'ooooooh, I wonder what it is' suspense... all of it makes me want to run away screaming.

 

too much pressure, too much tension.  Fortunately the only personswho gives me prezzies  are my mom & dh. They know what I like & they rarely wrap things - it's just "Here, I got this for you" & then hand me flowers or a box of vegan donuts. THAT I can cope with....

 

& I don't need other people to buy stuff for me so anything I want, I already have. I do like getting flowers though.

 

 

 

Yes, some of my baggage comes from a childhood in which I felt the opening of every gift was a command performance during which I was expected to express appropriate joy and appreciation. It's a lot of pressure to put on a kid. The story is more complicated, but that's all I feel comfortable sharing in public. 

 

I also don't enjoy suspense. And I feel in an almost suffocatingly physical way the burden of an overstuffed house full of items I can't get rid of because they each have sentimental value. 

 

To make it more fun, I don't like flowers, because they die. And there are a lot of foods I don't or can't eat for a combination of ethical and health-related reasons. (Same with a lot of typical girly gifts like lotions and such.)

 

Since there are very few things I actually want, there's nothing to put on a list. And most people who insist on taking a shot in the dark are likely to get it wrong. They may. in fact, end up spending money to purchase a gift for me that I not only don't really want or need but actually find objectionable. 

 

What I actually like best are usually the things no one wants to give -- cards with meaningful, personal notes or gifts to charities I support, for example.

 

So, really, truly, honestly, I wish they wouldn't.

[Joyofsixreboot]

What happened? Nothing. I've never enjoyed it. Perhaps it is the tension and expectation and the feeling that no matter how grateful I am it's not enough like Hornblower suggests. I am gracious and thankful I just don't know why you asked if you didn't plan to honor my wishes. I have convinced my family to do a food bank donation but it seems co-op students, Sunday school students, neighbors, group members, etc all feel the need to give. It is overwhelming. I don't want to be churlish I just don't want to then feel bombarded with stuff and also know that in many cases it is expected that I will reciprocate ( I am a terrible gift chooser too. I usually give homemade stuff or cards containing nice thought).

[Joyofsixreboot]

For the OP : honestly, just keep repeating it. No, thank you. I really would prefer not to get anything. Stop giving presents, even if someone gives you one. When they do say "Um, thank you, this was kind of you. but you shouldn't have. I want you to spend the money on yourself next year." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Maybe I'll have this on a handout ;)

[Slartibartfast]

What happened? Nothing. I've never enjoyed it. Perhaps it is the tension and expectation and the feeling that no matter how grateful I am it's not enough like Hornblower suggests. I am gracious and thankful I just don't know why you asked if you didn't plan to honor my wishes. I have convinced my family to do a food bank donation but it seems co-op students, Sunday school students, neighbors, group members, etc all feel the need to give. It is overwhelming. I don't want to be churlish I just don't want to then feel bombarded with stuff and also know that in many cases it is expected that I will reciprocate ( I am a terrible gift chooser too. I usually give homemade stuff or cards containing nice thought).

 

I like homemade things or cards. Those are not terrible gifts.

 

 

[trulycrabby]

Yeah, I hate it too, but I am not going to try to make my mother change at this point in her life. I give her a nice gift, smile amnd say, "I love you, mom." Sometimes you can get people to understand, but sometimes, you just have to smile and endure the moment. I hope at least some of the people in your life will listen to you and get it. :grouphug:

[goldberry]

This is interesting.  The people I have known previously that didn't like receiving gifts had some issues.  It came across often as a false humility (oh, don't go out of your way for little old me, I'm not worth any trouble, I don't want any attention, so I would rather get attention by forcefully telling everyone to STOP GIVING ME ATTENTION...) which honestly makes other people annoyed and uncomfortable.

 

Hornblower, your reasons make sense somewhat.  Thanks for sharing them to give me another perspective.  OP, perhaps being more specific  (receiving gifts really causes me a lot of anxiety due to some personal issues I have...) might dispel any misconceptions.

[jenn-]

I'm another one that doesn't like receiving gifts due to anxiety. I wish I could make someone understand what it feels like to me when I am handed a gift but it is hard to explain. I am happiest when my present is a gift card because it is always the right color and fit.

[fraidycat]

Why must the receiver of unwanted gifts be the graceful one? Why is the onus not on the gifter to gracefully receive and respect the "No" or "nothing thanks" when they ask what the potential giftee would like?

 

I ask for REALLY off the wall/unrealistic stuff if they insist I "must want something". Around the world cruise, personal chef, mountain cabin in the rockies, etc.

[Mrs Mungo]

Why must the receiver of unwanted gifts be the graceful one? Why is the onus not on the gifter to gracefully receive and respect the "No" or "nothing thanks" when they ask what the potential giftee would like?

 

Because the complaint is about students, neighbors, etc, people who probably are not asking ahead of time, just offering a token gift.

[HS Mom in NC]

I will say this as politely as possible. :-)

 

Deal with it.

 

I don't know what happened in your life to make you feel this way, but it's...weird. You will not make people understand something like that. Come up with something inexpensive--a scarf, a book by a well-known author that would be easy to find, a fragrance, a box of Whitman's chocolate, a coffee mug, Earl Grey tea--and let that be your go-to gift. Donate it to Goodwill or something if you don't want to keep it.

 

What nonsense.

 

Really?  She must have some sort of life trauma that makes her not want people to buy her gifts she doesn't want?!?! Are you aware that people have different personalities, values, personal preferences and social norms even here in America?  I ask because you seem to be unaware of this. This is important information clearly stated yet you seem to be unable to accept it. Why is that?   How bizarre to insist she play along in some sort of kabuki theater because someone can't respect a simple request. 

 

[HS Mom in NC]

Why must the receiver of unwanted gifts be the graceful one? Why is the onus not on the gifter to gracefully receive and respect the "No" or "nothing thanks" when they ask what the potential giftee would like?

 

I ask for REALLY off the wall/unrealistic stuff if they insist I "must want something". Around the world cruise, personal chef, mountain cabin in the rockies, etc.

 

I think way too many people here seem to misunderstand that no one is suggesting declining an unexpected gift being handed to them.  These people are being asked in advance, before a gift giving event, and saying they'd rather to not be included yet grown adults seems unable to accept their "No, thanks"  without demanding some sort of explanation or  providing some sort of amateur psychological diagnosis.  I expect this kind of confused reaction from younger children unaware of personality differences or different value systems but grown adults unable to just take the response for what it is and moving on is really surprising to me.  Who cares why?  They politely said, " No thank you." Respect "No thank you"  and chalk it up to different strokes for different folks and move on to giving gifts to those with no previously stated objection to it. It's not nearly as hard or earth shattering as some seem to think.

 

 

[fraidycat]

Because the complaint is about students, neighbors, etc, people who probably are not asking ahead of time, just offering a token gift.

Huh? I think you're confused.

 

  

I dislike gifts. They make me uncomfortable. When I politely say that I don't need/ don't want/ would rather not/ no one listens. When I get one I am polite and thank the giver but really, if they are asking, I'd just rather not. If they don't want to listen why did they ask? any thoughts?

OP says nothing about "token" gifts.

[LucyStoner]

We managed to turn off the adult gifts years ago by starting a tradition of doing a charitable project together at the holidays and making it clear that this tradition was in lieu of gifts to each other. Now no one exchanges gifts among the adults unless it's a small homemade trifle or somthing like that.

[Mrs Mungo]

Huh? I think you're confused.

 

 

OP says nothing about "token" gifts.

Later on, dear (from the original poster in a later post):

I have convinced my family to do a food bank donation but it seems co-op students, Sunday school students, neighbors, group members, etc all feel the need to give.

Do you think her Sunday school students are giving her an expensive gift that she feels the need to reciprocate?

[SKL]

I gave up on saying I didn't want anything.  I came up with a reasonable suggestion when asked.  For example, "I don't need or want anything, but if someone is buying for me then I like flavored teas."

 

Some other things I don't mind receiving:  a good nonfiction or spiritual book, an old classic movie in DVD, a Christmas tree ornament, a pecan log from Cracker Barrel ....

[fraidycat]

Later on, dear (from the original poster in a later post):

Do you think her Sunday school students are giving her an expensive gift that she feels the need to reciprocate?

This information came after many told the OP "suck it up Buttercup" in various forms. My original question still stands based on the initial reactions to the original post where there was no mention of Sunday school students.

 

Why is is the onus on the OP gracefully receive that which she has already (presumably) gracefully declined? (Referencing the "no one listens" comment)

[SKL]

I think it also matters whether the giver is giving a whole group something and doesn't want to leave one person out.

[DawnM]

I have had to learn that some people's love language is gift giving and it truly makes them happy to give something.  If I don't take it, I have shown that I really don't understand them and who they are and how to make them happy.

 

My love language is TIME and I don't give two hoots about getting gifts or giving them (in fact, I often forget), but if someone only gave me gifts and never spent time with me, I would feel that they didn't really care about me.  It is much the same the other way around with those who want to give me something but I don't want it.

 

Dawn

[Guest ickhequan]

You can always quietly pass it on to someone else later.  

[Starr]

What about those gifts  people give you when they really can't afford it. I find it totally awkward and a little creepy.

[marbel]

I'm stuck on the problem of people receiving things they don't want but then not getting rid of them because they have sentimental value.  If the item is unwanted, how is there sentimental value?   If you didn't want it, give it to someone else or throw it out.

 

Like the tent?  Sweetheart, throw it out or take it to a girl or boy scout leader and ask if they can use it, bent bit and all.  If the previous owner used it, it's usable.  You could donate it and attach a note saying "there's a bent bit but its usable."    

 

And yeah, when asked by someone what gift you would like, come up with a short list of consumable items.  "I just love Irish Breakfast tea... and chocolate, never can have too much chococlate!"  Then when  you get too much, take it to a shelter. 

 

We get a box of pears every year from some old friends.  We all hate pears.  But the givers are not going to stop.  Fortunately we can take the pears to church, put them on the food table after the service and people will snatch them up. I wouldn't be surprised if a few people are already waiting for those pears to show up.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

 

[VaKim]

My immediate family do not celebrate xmas. However, we have extended family who simply will not let us "not celebrate." We have told them and told them we do NOT want to exchange gifts, and we haven't bought any for years. However, they still insist on getting us "winter" gifts. I believe it is more because they feel obligated, since they get gifts for other siblings in the family. Also, they send us repeated requests for a list of what to buy, even though we repeatedly say "nothing." Some people just do not and can not get that people have different beliefs and lifestyles other than what is considered mainstream and "normal." I remember last year, my youngest dd was near tears with the repeated list request. She asked me, very sincerely, "Why is it not ok to not want anything?" 

 

Just commented to commiserate and let op know she is definitely not alone. 

[Jenny in Florida]

I dislike gifts. They make me uncomfortable. When I politely say that I don't need/ don't want/ would rather not/ no one listens. When I get one I am polite and thank the giver but really, if they are asking, I'd just rather not. If they don't want to listen why did they ask? any thoughts?

 

 

Because the complaint is about students, neighbors, etc, people who probably are not asking ahead of time, just offering a token gift.

 

Maybe I missed something, but I don't see anything in the original post that says it's about students and neighbors.

[Jenny in Florida]

I'm stuck on the problem of people receiving things they don't want but then not getting rid of them because they have sentimental value.  If the item is unwanted, how is there sentimental value?   If you didn't want it, give it to someone else or throw it out.

 

Because we value the person who gave the gift to us. Because we know, as so many in the "people who won't make lists" thread commented, that selecting and giving a gift takes time and attention and care, and we don't want to offend the person we love who invested that in giving us a gift, even if it's a gift we didn't want.

[Jenny in Florida]

I remember last year, my youngest dd was near tears with the repeated list request. She asked me, very sincerely, "Why is it not ok to not want anything?" 

 

I'm so sorry your daughter was made to feel badly about this. I'm an adult, and I still struggle with the attitude that there must be something "wrong" with a person who really, truly doesn't want anything more than what she has or can reasonably obtain on her own. It's a miserable feeling to know that you have to choose between accepting "gifts" you don't want, don't need and that make you feel uncomfortable and being told you're ruining someone else's fun.

[Sweet Charlotte]

"ruining someone else's fun..."

 

This is a hard thing. The love language that I speak is gift giving. Yes, I am able to express love in other ways, but for me, my expression comes alive in the gift giving-knowing someone in such a way that I can choose a gift that will show that they are truly known and appreciated...to not be able to do that...it's not AT ALL about "ruining my fun." I feel as if I cannot properly express love to that person who doesn't want gifts. My need/desire doesn't trump theirs, certainly, but it is harder. I often wish for a different love language, because "gifts" always gets painted as materialistic or shallow or less noble.

[Jenny in Florida]

"ruining someone else's fun..."

 

This is a hard thing. The love language that I speak is gift giving. Yes, I am able to express love in other ways, but for me, my expression comes alive in the gift giving-knowing someone in such a way that I can choose a gift that will show that they are truly known and appreciated...to not be able to do that...it's not AT ALL about "ruining my fun." I feel as if I cannot properly express love to that person who doesn't want gifts. My need/desire doesn't trump theirs, certainly, but it is harder. I often wish for a different love language, because "gifts" always gets painted as materialistic or shallow or less noble.

 

I understand that, really. My husband is a person whose love language is gifting, too. 

 

As a person who really isn't into gifts, what I would ask you to consider is that the gift you see as an expression of your love may not be received that way. I mean, intellectually, I understand that someone gives me a gift because he or she wants to express affection and care, but emotionally, to me, it feels like obligation and stress. 

 

Most of the gift-givers I know tend to see their need to give as harmless. It's how they express their love. What I do with the gift afterward is my own business. It shouldn't be a big deal. But, for some of us, it actually is. The anxiety and unhappiness we feel about receiving a gift we do not want, coupled with the understanding that we have an obligation to pretend we love it so as not to hurt the feelings of a person we care about, can be really difficult and unpleasant.

[SparklyUnicorn]

You say, "What I really want this year is donations in my honor to the XYZ charity."

 

I dislike when people ask for this.  But that's one way to not get a gift from me.  If they ask me to do that, I don't, and I don't get them a gift.  So that might work for the OP. 

[Jenny in Florida]

I dislike when people ask for this.  But that's one way to not get a gift from me.  If they ask me to do that, I don't, and I don't get them a gift.  So that might work for the OP. 

 

I'm always curious when people are so resistant to this kind of gift. Would you mind sharing a bit about why you dislike it?

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm always curious when people are so resistant to this kind of gift. Would you mind sharing a bit about why you dislike it?

 

I have a few reasons.  Often times when you give to a charity you are then bombarded by them and other charities to give more money.  They start mailing stuff constantly, calling you, e-mailing you, etc.  And since they don't fall under the rules for the do not call list they seem to have no qualms about giving out your information.  Some charities I don't like giving to because too little of the money actually goes towards the charity.  Others I philosophically object to.  It feels like a coerced way to give money to a charity whether or not I want to.  And when I give a gift to someone I want to give them a gift.  What they do with the gift is their business, but don't make me decide what to do with the gift.  Plus it feels like the person is saying to me, I don't care about your gifts.  Don't bombard me with your "stuff". 

 

 

. 

[Jenny in Florida]

I have a few reasons.  Often times when you give to a charity you are then bombarded by them and other charities to give more money.  They start mailing stuff constantly, calling you, e-mailing you, etc.  And since they don't fall under the rules for the do not call list they seem to have no qualms about giving out your information.  Some charities I don't like giving to because too little of the money actually goes towards the charity.  Others I philosophically object to.  It feels like a coerced way to give money to a charity whether or not I want to.  And when I give a gift to someone I want to give them a gift.  What they do with the gift is their business, but don't make me decide what to do with the gift.  Plus it feels like the person is saying to me, I don't care about your gifts.  Don't bombard me with your "stuff". 

 

 

. 

 

Thanks for explaining your point of view.