extracurriculars and debt

[ThursdayNext]

I'm trying to decide what activities to sign my girl up for, or if we should do any at all this year.

So I have a kindergartener, 5 turning 6 in Nov. She is the oldest of 3. We live in an area where everybody signs their kids up for stuff, usually more than one activity. Last year she played fall soccer, and was the only kid on the team who hadn't played before. We also did a six week dance and gymnastic class when she was 4. (And every summer the kids do swim, which we will keep doing.) I feel social pressure for her to be doing something. Also, I am terrible at sports, and really can't teach anything even remotely athletic.

 

On the one hand, it would be nice for E to get exercise, and learn a sport. And if we wait till she is older, can she ever catch up?

 

On the other hand, is it really necessary for kids to be doing activities from preschool on up? We are trying to get out of (small) debt, and will pay off the AC units in Feb. But we will have to get a roof before we have the cash for it, so it will be another year or two after that. Everything is so expensive! Another factor is DH and I are introverts, and were so glad when our two days a week soccer commitment was over, that we did not sign her up for spring soccer.

 

E has shown interest in ballet, but it is expensive, and requires a year commitment. Soccer is $175 - $200 when you include uniform and extra fees. Riding lessons is another option E is interested in. There is someone in the area who gives $20 lessons, and I'd pay another $60 for boots and helmet. If it makes any difference, E is very tall for her age, and not very physical. She likes to look at books and listen to audiobooks rather than run around. She was by far the worst on her team in soccer, and does not show any talent for dance either. My husband played soccer as a kid and was quite good, and I grew up around horses, which is why those activities came up.

 

What do you think?

[Reefgazer]

We live in an area where every kid and their grandfather is signed up for camps, activities, and anything else their parents can come up with.  We were that family when my kids were young.  We were also exhausted.  I finally said 'enough', and for the past few years, we've done far less activities.  Each kid plays basketball in winter, has scouts year round, and swims/dives in the summer.  That's enough.  We're still busy, but at least it's manageable now.  I purposely avoid any fall activities because with the holidays, it's just too hectic.  Find 1-2 things your DD really likes and stick with that.

[Joshin]

Ah, the overscheduling of young kids craze -- don't feel guilty for opting out! At this age, an all arouund group like scouts or 4H, is the best option. Girl Scouts, for example, is fairly lowcost and will give your daughter the option to try out lots of different activities. Later, when she is older and has begun to develop her passions, interests, and talents, I would look into more targeted activities and lessons.

[EmilyGF]

Pay off debt!!! 

 

The pressure for lessons will increase, not decrease, as time goes on. You need to be in a good place financially then, when it really matters.

 

The most creative kids I know are the kids whose parents cannot afford many lessons and choose not to have a TV. They have (SHOCK!) free time to explore. They sew, draw insects they find in the neighborhood park (they can't afford a yard), make up games to play, and know what all the edible weeds are on the grass. They make up worlds with each other and play dolls. Their 10-year-old helped my daughter sew her doll a dress.

 

They (together with my kids) do things like organize pick up soccer games, plan multi-family game nights, play pick-up four square with the neighborhood kids, and build the best sand castles at the (free) beach. They are making a crate our neighbor didn't need into a play house. Their mom and I, while they were playing at the park, were just planning our free summer vacation yesterday and talking about going to nature preserves (free, except for gas) together.

 

Their parents have been able to have them learn piano from an inexpensive teacher in the past year. They have made incredible strides because they are focused and purposeful. 

 

Professionally oriented ballet schools won't let kids begin true ballet before age 7 or 8 anyways (they call it "pre-ballet" and have it because they can make money, not because it is important). I don't know much about horseback riding except that it was a special treat I got on a few birthdays. But, then again, my parents chose to scrimp and save to be financially stable, something I really appreciate and strive to emulate.

 

Emily

[desertflower]

I think it's up to you.  If you can't afford it then don't sign her up.  Perhaps show her ballet on you tube?  In our household, we can't afford it either, but we choose to go a little in debt every month because we didn't have these activities growing up.  But that's our choice and i'll be honest, it's not the wisest one.

 

She probably isn't as good as her peers in soccer probably because she doesn't have enough practice?  Since you mentioned that these kids been going since they were 3 or 4. 

 

If you had to choose between one, I'd let her choose. 

 

Personally, I'd sign her up for karate......... :) 

[Arcadia]

How young are your two other kids? If the oldest has one extracurricular, how about the other two because your oldest had dance and gym when she was 4.

 

I'm pathetic at sports. However if one of my boys gets to pick a sport extracurricular the other boy gets to do it too. So we have to budget for both boys.

[SereneHome]

Unless my kid is the next Barushnikov or Mozart, no way would I spend the money on those type of things if I couldn't afford it. 

 

And if I had debt, to me it would mean I couldn't afford it.

 

I think your financial security is much better gift to your children than ballet and soccer.  But that's just me.

[SereneHome]

And btw, may be it's an "american" thing that I don't understand - but where does it say that a kid has to do "sports"?  There are so many ways to keep kids active and physically engaged without paying for it.

 

 

[MeaganS]

My kids are about the same age.  We can't afford extracurriculars and so we don't do them.  That, and I hate hauling all the kids off to that kind of thing, especially for one kid.  Instead, we get passes to the children's museum, the science museum, etc. and visit them together so all the kids can enjoy and learn and grow.  We go to the splash park on a regular basis (free) as well.  Honestly, I'm not worried about it.  The only thing that I really wish I could do for my kids is piano or other music lessons.  We will probably try to find a way to afford them when our children are about 7 or 8, but I'm not stressing until then.

 

My kids don't even know horseback riding or gymnastics or other sports are really an option, so they've never brought it up.  That may help. My 3 year old would enjoy dance, but she's not going to suffer for not doing it either.  We'll stick with Cosmic Kids Yoga lessons on YouTube instead.  That and playing outside and with their toys and each other.

[boscopup]

Most activities can be stated at a later age no problem. I didn't start horseback riding lessons until age 9.

 

If you have debt, I'd pay that off before thinking about activities. She's very young.

[wingedradical]

Take the following with a grain of salt because no one who is worthy of giving you advice is going to judge you in the end for doing what you think is best but you asked for an opinion so here it is -

 

Be a pioneer! Aside from the financial strain, stand up and say you aren't going to be a part of taking children's childhood's away from them. Because I believe in a very real sense, this is what parents who put their children in too many structured events do. Children need lots of unstructured time to develop. Time to explore - decide what they like, time to dawdle, time for wonder, time for thought.

 

I realize it is harder than when I was a child mid-50's and 60's -- we had real neighborhoods where it was safe to play hide and seek on summer evenings and a vacant lot where we could all get together for softball. That kind of thing isn't available or safe now days. Plus, non-homeschool kids don't seem to know how to play with kids outside their age group. So, I understand that if possible, it is good for children to sometimes have structured classes and the like. A moderate amount of structured activity is good. But why not choose just one at a time? Sports are usually seasonal so choose 2-3 things a year, if you can afford it, if you have the energy yourself and if your daughter wants it.

 

Also, no one can be exposed to everything! And she is really too young to know what she wants. If I were you, if I had the opportunity, I'd let her do something like tumbling, which isn't too expensive, doesn't require uniforms or travel, but which can help her with co-ordination and following directions. If she continues to express interest in ballet, I'd consider it after a year or so if I could afford it. Around here, ballet is really expensive, though and sometimes we don't get to do everything we'd like to do it life.

 

And as for sports - DH and I are both fine examples of incoordination! He doesn't and never has played sports- he doesn't even watch them. I watch baseball. I don't play anything (although I used to be into camping and spelunking). With DS1, I just plain did not have the money to put him into sports programs. Not that he was really interested in going. DS2 came along 15 years later when finances were much better. I tried putting him in t-ball, soccer and karate. I even paid an older homeschool boy to try to help him with baseball. The kid sucked at it all. A chip off the old blocks. Both sons are growns and happily nonathletic although the oldest is outdoorsy and the youngest "stays in shape." So, you could send your daughter to sports to no avail. If, as she gets older, she wants to play something, that's another matter.

[texasmama]

I would not do it for a child that age.  If you really want a sport and are not against a Christian bent, look into Upward sports.  The basketball program here is $85.  All my kids have done it.  Not a one of my kids has ever played soccer.  Not even one season. 

[SereneHome]

OK, I just can't this thread out of my head.

 

How crazy it is that a parent feels pressured and feels bad for not signing up such a young kid for an organized sport.

 

[J'etudie]

Generally I don't let my kids sign up for anything until they are at least 6 and even then it's the weekly (free) club that meets at our church. I prefer waiting until they are older and will actually remember having done it.  :lol: 

 

I did have one start music lessons at 6, but in hindsight 8 would have been better for him. I only did it because older ds was starting and they ended up sharing a lesson slot. Also, one dd started ballet at 6.75, but the prepro school she's at now starts all the 8yo's in Ballet 1 and begins with the basic plie so starting at age 3 or 4 wouldn't mean much. (It was important for my dd due to anxiety issues, but it wasn't important dance-wise.) 

 

In fact, I've just been looking at some summer camps related to my dc's passions and am fainting at the cost of higher-level week long intensives for adolescents. Not sure if we can afford them or not, but I'm glad I have money now that I didn't spend when they were too little to care.

 

I do understand the social pressure issue, but we were home a lot more when they were little so I didn't really have to deal with much of it!

[redsquirrel]

Activities at 5 or 6? No..well... my boys both started piano at 5. But you don't have to start that young.

 

If she wants to dance it can wait a year or so. Both my boys are seriously involved in ballet and started at about 7. At 8 they started official 'real' classical ballet. I should add that my boys are involved in ballet enough that is almost all they do. They don't play soccer or other sports or activities because they don't have the time. My oldest boy starts 9th grade in September and he will have six 90 min classes a week. My younger boy is 9 and would be considered a 4th grader and he will be taking 2 classes per week.

 

I think classes at 5 or 6 can be a good way to see if a kid is interested in ballet at all. At my boys' school they allow the little ones to wear whatever they want to class (think pink tutus and tiaras, lol) and they dance with scarves and do a lot of leaping and spinning to get it out of their system. Most of the kids have moved on to other pursuits by the time they are expected to wear black and spend 45 mins at the barre. The ones who love it are ready for the discipline of the 'big kid' classes.

 

I don't think it is fair to expect you to commit for a year though. I couldn't have done that when they were so young.

 

The commitment thing is hard. Many, many kids do start at this age and commit HARD. My son's have some friends who are heavily involved in soccer and it is all they do. They love it and their parents wouldn't allow it if they didn't adore it. I feel like my boys live at the ballet school. I occasionally get other parents of older kids asking me about ballet and, frankly, by 5th or 6th grade it is almost too late to start to study it seriously. They have to begin with the little kids and it can feel awkward. It isn't unheard of for a 6th or 7th grader to show up at ballet, especially with boys, but they have a lot of catching up to do. It is good if they know that ahead of time and start with a summer intensive to bring them up to level.

 

 

My older boy considered trying soccer last summer but his peer group at 13 was just SO experienced that there was no where for him to play as a beginner. He was disappointed.

 

[Mama Geek]

We are able to afford activities for dd and I do try to have her in 1 or 2 things.  This spring we did Kindermusik (45 min) together and she did a ballet and gymnastics class (1 1/2) per week.  We are on the road and living in a small space so it gave us 2 days to get out of the house for a particular reason.  I want dd to take a few years of ballet because I think it teaches good posture and control of the body, I want her to learn to play an instrument and am thinking about lessons this fall and no longer doing Kindermusik.  We taught dd how to swim and had several private lessons for her last summer, we won't have the same opportunity this year.  A friend has horses and likes kids so she gets to spend some time riding around on a horse and learning to be comfortable with them and how to take care of them.  We are very grateful to this friend as she isn't charging anything.  Dd spends time with the horse every week or 2.  Dd has lots of time at the park, water park, our friend's farm, free time inside, she roller skates, is learning to ride a bike and on and on.

 

In the future we are planning to have her involved in martial arts for self defense and golf as well.  The golf fits into the long term goals of her possibly being in a business situation where it is beneficial.  Dh loves to shoot trap and I expect she will learn that in the future as well.

 

I guess what I am getting at is that the activities we have dd in are intentional and not because it is what everyone else is doing, we have certain goals for her in the long run.  We have no debt and the lessons don't financially hurt us.  

[ElizabethB]

Upward sports are great at that age.  But, so is biking with the family, hiking, etc.

[TammyS]

There are any number of issues at work here: money, time, perspective (IMO, parents spending too much time hauling kids around is bad not only for time issues, but because it gives a false perspective that their parents exist to serve them), social pressure.

 

Social pressure first, because it's easiest:  put on your big girl panties and just say NO.  We can't seriously expect to teach kids to stand up for themselves and do the right thing when parents give into nonsensical, nebulous social pressures around things so trivial as kids' activities!

 

Money: also easy....if you have some money or can scrape together a little money, fine, but you don't spend what you don't have - especially for nonessentials...whatever you teach your children, teach them THIS (read David Copperfield for a very good lesson on the subject) - you don't spend what you don't have

 

Time: I think there is a lot of value in sports, activities, etc.....but not so much that it should take over a families life or become anything more than a nice thing that they do.  My in-laws were great at this.  All three of their children had to pick one activity that they were all in, because they parents weren't going to be subject to 6 different activity schedules, etc.  So all the kids were in band.  You don't have to do it that way.  But as a parent you have a duty to hold the reign's on the family's time.

 

Perspective: if you act like your children's driver, baker, and sugar-daddy, don't be surprised if you get treated as such.  Teach your children that you love them and will happily indulge them a bit when you can, but they aren't, in fact, the center of anyone's universe, not even yours.

 

So, for you, I would say if there is an activity that you can afford that you feel comfortable with the time commitment, then fine, do it.  But don't let the good (activities) crowd out the great (protecting your family life, both time and money wise).  Put first things first and make every intrusion into your time and wallet justify itself.  If you do that, you'll be fine.

 

And all those people pressuring you?  They're just secretly jealous.  Misery loves company.

[Rebel Yell]

Didn't real other replies, BUT:

 

Volleyball is a sport that is generally not started until age 10 at a minimum- so EVERYONE is a beginner  in 5th grade!

 

If you go with dance, don't get sucked into a competition school. Aside from any opinions about the merits or lack thereof of dance competition teams/training- it just gets very expensive very fast. 1 day/week of pre-ballet until age 7-8 in fine!

 

 

[angelmama1209]

if money was no object i would like to have each of my kids in something active and something artsy. unfortunately that is not the case right now (and with 5 kids likely never will be). my oldest wants to sew so we've set up inexpensive lessons with a friend. number 2 is in an early intervention program and needs vision therapy. unfortunately those are her activities. number 3 is a natural and talented gymnast. like to the point that coaches fight over her. number 4 is looking to be our musician. she has natural rhythm and gravitates toward singing and instruments. but we won't be starting her on anything formal for several years. you have to do what works for you and your kids/family/finances. we have friends whose kids go to different camps every week in the summer. i have NO idea how they afford it (camps average roughly $200/week). it's crazy. my kids go to one free vbs a year. it's what we can do. and guess what? they're perfectly happy. don't try to keep up with the joneses. she's young. let her play. :)

[Crimson Wife]

There are low-cost activities if you look for them. Scouts, 4H, classes at the Y or your town's Parks & Rec.

 

My oldest did group piano when she was younger and didn't show any particular interest or talent. So I decided not to pay for private lessons.This past spring she took part in a free elementary school orchestra run by students at our zoned high school. We did have to rent her viola and buy the book, but it wasn't very much. She fell in love with the viola and showed a willingness to work at it that she hadn't shown towards the piano when she was younger. So we are now paying for private lessons. She is making excellent progress and her teacher thinks she's got a good shot at making the county youth orchestra in the fall. Maybe she started too late for getting into Juillard or whatever, but we don't have the resources to devote towards that sort of serious music study. She needed to be in a place where music was something SHE wanted to do.

[73349]

If you sign her up for a class, you will have nothing left when it's over for the season, and she won't have learned enough at most things to continue on her own. I think a bike would be a better investment, as she could ride it for several years--and if she does outgrow it, you can give it to a younger sibling. See if she's tall enough for a 20". It will probably cost what you'd pay for two months of an activity.

[Crimson Wife]

If you sign her up for a class, you will have nothing left when it's over for the season, and she won't have learned enough at most things to continue on her own. I think a bike would be a better investment, as she could ride it for several years. See if she's tall enough for a 20". It will probably cost what you'd pay for two months of an activity.

 

I don't see these as analogous, because group activities are at least as much about socialization & making friends as they are about getting exercise. Kids are so scheduled these days that it's hard to make friends if you don't do group activities.

[Farrar]

My kids like soccer...  but we only pay $50 for the whole season and I think that's in line with what it should cost for young kids to run around a field like crazy.

 

I wouldn't add to debt for activities at this age.  I know it seems like they'll never catch up in this climate, but it's really not like that.  You mentioned ballet.  Ds does ballet.  He's only this past year, at age 9, doing "real" ballet according to his very serious studio's system.  Up to this age, they take them and place them just based on age and a lot of what they were doing was just for fun.

 

I know you said you're an introvert, but I do think there's a benefit to doing things in a group and learning to be in a group.  One of the best, cheap ways to do stuff is to organize it yourself.  So, if you ran a for fun pick up soccer game once a week at an empty park in the middle of the day for homeschoolers, well, that might be a way to do soccer on the cheap.  All it would cost you is a couple of balls.  And there are a lot of ways parents can make things like that for their kids.  So that's just a thought.

[Ellie]

I don't think you should incur debt for the sake of extracurriculars. :-)

[EmilyGF]

I don't see these as analogous, because group activities are at least as much about socialization & making friends as they are about getting exercise. Kids are so scheduled these days that it's hard to make friends if you don't do group activities.

 

This has not been our experience. The kids who are doing multiple sports don't have time to socialize. The parents (nannies) who drop their kids off at ballet want a break while their child is dancing. The kids never talk with each other during ballet unless they do Nutcracker (add $350 to the ballet class for three months of rehearsals). The place we've had success making friends is on our street when the other kids come out to see what my kids are doing and at Cub Scouts where the parents actually volunteer and want to be with their kids. 

[Crimson Wife]

This has not been our experience. The kids who are doing multiple sports don't have time to socialize. The parents (nannies) who drop their kids off at ballet want a break while their child is dancing. The kids never talk with each other during ballet unless they do Nutcracker (add $350 to the ballet class for three months of rehearsals). The place we've had success making friends is on our street when the other kids come out to see what my kids are doing and at Cub Scouts where the parents actually volunteer and want to be with their kids. 

 

There are other kids on our street, but we hardly ever see them because they don't get home until 6-7 P.M. and they have activities on the weekends (ones we can't afford like martial arts and gymnastics). If my kids didn't do group activities, then they'd have no chance to socialize with kids their age. It shouldn't be this way, but it is.

[ThursdayNext]

Wow, I had no idea that I would see so much support for not doing the activities. I was bracing myself for the suggestion to get a part time job to pay for this stuff, and it never came! (I do tell people that is not an option.) I am leaning toward a few occasional riding lessons, and just doing normal life.

 

For the record, soccer or whatever would not put us further in debt. We are climbing out. But every $100 gets us that much closer, plus we really need to start saving for retirement more than we are.

 

I was homeschooled, and also some Christian and public school. Our family was well below the poverty line and my dad did not believe in debt. But somehow they managed to afford a singing class when I was 5, then later piano, ice skating, skiing for all of us, riding for me, basketball for one sister, guitar for two of them, and some others I'm not remembering.

But I never played any team sport, if fact, had no idea how to play. So 5th grade in public school, we play baseball for PE. I was 1 of 2 who had absolutely no clue how baseball works. It was a frequent humiliation for me, with no athletic ability, to be forced into playing sports with kids who not only knew the rules, but had been playing for years. I don't know if there is anything I can do to keep this from happening to my daughter. 

 

It's not that I would ever have been good at sports. I would never want to have been signed up. And thankfully as an adult I am allowed to say no if something like volleyball comes up. but it was a big social handicap. So I guess I am acting out of fear.

And though my sister did play on a homeschool basketball team, she had to start from 0. It was a hard year for her.

 

Anyway, back to the present, how old is too late? What is the best age to start a sport? If your kid has no interest or ability, do you just skip it? And how long do you put a kid through music lessons if they have no motivation or talent? (My parents put us through years of music lessons , hoping something would click. None of the 4 of us can play an instrument as adults, though we can all sing a bit.)

[ThursdayNext]

If you sign her up for a class, you will have nothing left when it's over for the season, and she won't have learned enough at most things to continue on her own. I think a bike would be a better investment, as she could ride it for several years--and if she does outgrow it, you can give it to a younger sibling. See if she's tall enough for a 20". It will probably cost what you'd pay for two months of an activity.

She doesn't have a bike yet. DH and I have talked about getting her one for Christmas, but she would be unhappy to get one, we think. I've tried to get her on friends' bikes with training wheels, but E refuses. Some 3 year olds are riding bikes with training wheels, but not her. She is outgrowing her tricycle, but never wanted to ride that either. I did try to push her to ride it sometimes, but I forget to do active stuff like that.

I am so much better at reading to the kids and taking walks. I did not learn to ride a bike til I was 10, and never really got comfortable with it. And this girl is so much like me it scares me.

[SereneHome]

I don't see these as analogous, because group activities are at least as much about socialization & making friends as they are about getting exercise. Kids are so scheduled these days that it's hard to make friends if you don't do group activities.

 

I disagree.  It's much easier to make friends when you are free-flowing. 

 

We were at the library today at a free craft activity.  After it was done, my kids started playing with another boy and an hour later I couldn't drag them away.  Phone numbers were exchanged and play dates scheduled.

 

The same thing happened at the lake and playground a few times.

 

If you are swimming/playing soccer/dancing, etc - you can't really socialize while you are doing that and once the activity is done most parents just want to get the heck out of there, so kids don't usually stand around and play or chit chat.

 

At least that has been my experience

[Arcadia]

We were at the library today at a free craft activity. After it was done, my kids started playing with another boy and an hour later I couldn't drag them away.

For library scheduled activities, people appear just before the activity and rush to their cars once it's done. We are regular library go-ers and the library is actually very quiet from lack of kids interacting. They are either solo reading or picking books to borrow and move on to their next destination.

Parks are under utilized. Like a neighbor said, she is like a bus driver doing nothing but driving kids to activities. Another neighbor started a book club at her home but it is only for those her son's age going to her son's school. Kids aren't around until past dinner time. Socialization is a headache here just like what CrimsonWife described.

You are lucky though for being able to get playdates easily.

[jpanik]

How late is too late to learn a new skill set?  It's never too late!  It makes me very cranky when parents are forced to feel like their child is behind because they didn't start dance at 3 or soccer at 5.  I think that's a bit silly.

 

My daughter, at age 16, decided that Irish Dance would be fun to learn.  I had a terrible time finding a class for her because most beginners are 6 and that is where the classes are targeted.  The reason a 16 year old doesn't "fit" in a beginner class for 6 year olds is because what takes a 6 year old a year to perfect, the 16 year old has down in a lesson or two.  

 

An 8 or 9 year old is going to catch up quickly with the kids who started soccer at 5.  

 

We are a horse family.  I can assure you that if money is a problem, avoid riding lessons like the plague!! From those innocent first riding lessons to where we are today . . . a farm with 6 horses!  And competitions most weekends.

 

I have 4 kids.  There was no way they could all do everything.  As they got older, each child could do one main extra-curricular.  Children One and Three were soccer kids.  They loved the sport and were on competitive teams.  Children Two and Four chose riding lessons.

 

I was a very bad Dance Mom as I refused to let one of my daughters do the annual Dance Production when she was around 4 or 5.  No way was I going to pay $$$$ for her to be a mushroom for  a few minutes.  Crazy stuff.  I got lots of "advice" over that one.  LOL  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[mamabear2three]

I've felt the pressure myself.

 

Last year between regularly scheduled play dates and extra activities (soccer, coop, dance) I had something every single day except for Saturday.

 

It was crazy. Too too crazy. My daughter loved it, she's a social butterfly and active as can be, but I can't sustain the schedule. So - we are dropping 2 playdates (rolling them into coop by starting our own coop... very excited about this!) We dropped soccer and are keeping dance (my daughter loved dance - she makes up her own dances all the time, so I figure more training there would be beneficial). 

 

So bottom line is going from 5 scheduled weekday activities per week to 2. I'm feeling better about the fall schedule, so we'll see how it goes. 

 

Honestly, I find peer pressure for parents to be the most annoying thing ever - it's hard enough to raise and educate our kids without having to live up to other people's standards!! I've had a woman at my church pressure me for years to volunteer more at Church and I keep having to figure out how to politely tell her to bug off - her daughter-in-law is pregnant with her 5th child, is in charge of one program at church, volunteers in another and participates in 2 more. Good for her! I have 3 lovely children, homeschool and volunteer in the nursery once a month. And that's more than enough! Life should not be a competition!  

[Farrar]

I disagree.  It's much easier to make friends when you are free-flowing. 

 

I think this depends greatly on the area.  Some places kids are much more like Crimson Wife is suggesting - super scheduled with no time for anything (or anyone) outside of those commitments.  Other places are less so.

 

I do agree that it can be hard to make friends in activities.  It's so brief.  My kids have been on the same soccer team for years and are just now feeling like they're "friends" with the kids who aren't otherwise their friends from other situations.

 

However, I think some activities lend themselves to making friends much more easily than others.  IME, dance, most sports, art, music, etc. are not good places to make friends.  But scouts, 4-H, robotics teams, Destination Imagination or Odyssey of the Mind, book clubs, etc. are good places.

[Farrar]

Anyway, back to the present, how old is too late? What is the best age to start a sport? If your kid has no interest or ability, do you just skip it? And how long do you put a kid through music lessons if they have no motivation or talent? (My parents put us through years of music lessons , hoping something would click. None of the 4 of us can play an instrument as adults, though we can all sing a bit.)

 

Well, here's the thing...  If a child is really going to "do" a sport or music and become quite serious and competitive, then you're right, some things like gymnastics or little league or violin or whatever do need to be started soon.  By age 6 or so for some things or you'll be edged out of opportunities down the line.  Other sports it may be a little later, but you're right that opportunities to be a superstar do begin to pass kids by.

 

But let's be real here.  The vast, vast majority of kids aren't going to be serious or competitive about those things.  And most things offer you opportunities to learn some later.  Assuming you're not aiming to be in a serious pre-professional dance program, you can take ballet or modern dance or something else later.  You can start an instrument for the sake of learning it any time in your life, ditto with art skills.  Martial arts can be started at any age.  As kids get older, there are sometimes new opportunities to play sports in a more "for fun" in the community way and less of a training up to be an athlete way.

 

Basically, I would think about it in a lifelong skills context and not worry about missing opportunities.  Do things when the time is right and the money is right and assume that if any doors close, they just weren't meant to be.  Remember that when God closes a door, he opens a window.

[SevenDaisies]

Stay away from horseback riding. I've heard it's one of the few sports more expensive than figure skating, and had I known how expensive figure skating was, we would never have started. That said, there are very few sports that require an early start. The two I know of are gymnastics and figure skating - and that's only if you want to be hard-core competitive. In figure skating there is a push for competitive skaters to reach a certain level by age 13 and that's hard to do if you don't start pretty young - unless you have a lot of time and money. That doesn't mean kids can't start late. There are many kids who do and have fun competing at lower levels.

 

Don't feel bad about it. It's not fun dragging yourself somewhere you don't want to go and the activities really can be a drain on your wallet. I have reached the point with skating that I feel like I am getting up to go to work. I am so close to convincing dd that we need a break. I honestly think if she took one, she would so enjoy her free-time that she wouldn't want to go back.

[wintermom]

I would look for less expensive, recreational-level or homeschool alternatives for some physical activities. It can be tough to create the environments for some physical activities on your own at home (e.g., team sports like soccer, baseball, martial arts, gymnastics, etc.), so it's great to sign up for a recreational level sport for this. These can be started a little later, though, unless there is interest to start sooner.

 

Swimming lessons are a must IMO for safety. The earlier the better for this.

 

Many other physical activities can be done with the family and can be very affordable if you find used equipment. Things like running, hiking, cycling, skipping, yoga for kids/families, are wonderful to introduce to children, and great for parents, too.

 

The broader the range of physical activities your children sample, the better chance they will find something they really enjoy and do well with. And research shows that physical activity has a great chance of continuing into adulthood if started in childhood.

 

I think that the goal is to encourage life-long physical activity and health, not to create pro-athletes, over-schedule young children, or spend tons of money.

[Kerileanne99]

I don't see these as analogous, because group activities are at least as much about socialization & making friends as they are about getting exercise. Kids are so scheduled these days that it's hard to make friends if you don't do group activities.

This is exactly our experience. I think this really is becoming more common. In addition, the kids start activities really young (say 3 for many) and the nature of the beast is that they all know each other. They grow up together. Games, meets, fundraisers, play dates, etc. all arise from the contact. The mothers chat and exchange info on clubs, groups, activities, schools, even teachers, and the kids tend to stick together.

Unfortunately, THIS is how little proto-cliques get started. A child coming into this later, even still young, may have a very difficult time fitting in. Combine feeling left out because the kids all know each other with being physically behind them in the skill/sport and this can really become a difficult hurdle. Obviously not insurmountable, especially those really motivated, but still difficult.

 

I grew up in a large family with 4 kids and no money for extracurriculars. I remember groups of kids even in Kindy that stuck together because they knew each other from whatever activity. In some larger cities maybe this isn't such a problem, but it seems as though middle-class suburbia wants to give their kids every early opportunity and these socialization opportunities are where it is easiest to get it...it isn't even just about the kids socializing, but the parents and the opportunities for further socialization that arise as a result.

 

My dd4 seems to have boundless energy right now and we NEED ways to exhaust her:). In addition, I am in a wheelchair and worry about getting her opportunities to be more physical. She does swimming 2x week, gymnastics 2x week, Soroban, piano, violin, and princess chess weekly. This summer she has several camps including a zoo camp, science camp, princess ballet, and Aquatics Rescue. I see her doing lots as this age as an opportunity she won't have as she gets older and has to focus her time in things more academic or select one-two activities to enjoy. It is a sampling time. Of course the single child thing makes a huge difference in both money and time!

That being said...I would NEVER put myself at risk financially for all of that. I would pick ONE and maybe even do month on/month off if possible (some places will allow) or try to take advantage of promos. And if not? It isn't the end of the world! You may just have to work a bit harder for play opportunities, and try to make sure that your kids have at least a working knowledge of sports/activities. The latter isn't 100% necessary, but has served me well in lots of situations.

[Rebel Yell]

ANother thought, about horseback riding: SweetChild LOVED horses.  Our budget could barely handle a late fee for a Saddle CLub book from the library.  :glare:  We found a stable that would take her on as an occasional lesson, with the goal of just doing some trail rides, not competing/showing/owning/leasing a horse. The few lessons really helped, and she enjoyed them- and she did some trail rides and loved it. She evntually found other interests, but we're very glad we did it that way.

[Rebel Yell]

Haha one more thing: I always wanted dance lessons as a child, and was always told "No."

 

One day I realized a few things:

1. I don't answer to my mom anyore.

2. I can pay for my own lessons.

3. I can drive myself there!

 

I started dance at age 36, and was in my very first dance recital at age 39. :coolgleamA:

 

DH started karate at age 42, and is now halfway to his black belt. :hurray:

[G5052]

I did everything as a child.  Truly.  Scouts, softball, piano and instrument lessons/groups, drama, speech/debate, and on and on.  And frankly I was a stressed, over-scheduled kid.

 

Mine did very low cost activities until they were 8.  Then we found a low-cost martial art program that we are still involved with, and piano lessons that we bartered for.  One of mine went on to a more expensive, competition oriented piano teacher, but only after they had really committed to that.

 

No regrets. 

[happypamama]

I started my DD in some activities at 2, but they were Mommy and me activities, and they weren't too expensive because they were through the parks department. We had more disposable income then too. She continued to do ballet until she was 10, when she got bored with it, and when it was financially unreasonable for us. I didn't start my boys in anything until a few months ago. We couldn't afford anything expensive, and while I suggested youth soccer, DH was really against that because he's seen his coworkers deal with significant money and time commitments as their kids got older, and he really doesn't want that for our family. Even ballet would have gotten more expensive, because more classes, more driving, more costumes would have been required.

 

We started our three older kids, 12, 9, and 5.5 in martial arts a few months ago. I did feel like the older two needed something a little more outside the home, and while it's a bit of a financial sacrifice, I feel that it's necessary, at their ages, for them to pursue something that I can't teach them. I wouldn't have started the 5yo on his own, but he goes at the same time as the older kids, and there is a good sibling discount.

 

I would not incur more debt for activities, especially not at your daughter's young age. You could easily wait a few more years for ballet. At some point, it's hard, if not impossible, to jump into ballet if you haven't been in it before, but you have a while to go before that. My kids jumped right into martial arts with no problem. It's a mixed age and mixed level class, and the older two are progressing very quickly (actually, DD's ballet training is hugely helpful to her). Ballet would be harder to do like that. So I think you just have to consider which activities are easier to jump into. But she definitely does not need activities at her age!

[jnaj]

I think that certain activities are definitely easier to jump into than others, so if you're planning on going with a particular sport or dance class it is beneficial to sign up at younger ages. I wouldn't go into debt over it though, and I would not do it just for the social aspect. I would do it because the child has a true interest and we had the extra money to enroll in the enrichment class of their choice. I honestly think my kids make better friends at homeschool park days and free play than in organized activities like sports, but it looks like this is so different in different areas.

[SereneHome]

I am sure other kids are different, but I am not willing to commit a lot of money or time without knowing if my kid will like the activity.

 

There was a HUGE debate going on another forum I frequent bc a kid signed for a sport and then realized she didn't like it but her father (the poster) wouldn't let her get out of it bc of the "commitment to the team".

 

I am all for sticking out with things, but at the same time life is too short for me to force my kid to a season of sport he didn't like.

 

So, I am also very careful when picking "signed up" activities bc of that aspect as well.

 

 

[mamamindy]

I haven't read all the replies so this may have been mentioned...  My girls have asked for ballet for birthday/Cmas gifts.  We really couldn't afford it either at one point, and that might be the case in the future.  Sometimes the grandparents are happy to gift it to our children, and sometimes we just go without.  Like we created our own gymnastics in our living room one year. :D  And, my girls learned some dance via videos.

 

I will say, we signed up my 3yo for ballet this year, purely for our own entertainment.  (This goes completely against all I ever said about signing up such young children for "organized sports".)  She LOVES ballet, it's oriented with a local church as worship ballet and is just for fun, and we just can't resist seeing her perform this year.  (She's been begging to take ballet since she could talk.)

[MotherOfBoys]

I started soccer in the summer of 8th grade (rec league) and made the varsity in 10th grade. I ended up with a college scholarship for soccer. Girls were pretty jealous that they played their whole lives and looked the part of the soccer family and my dirt poor football loving family had the daughter that got the money. It doesn't matter when you start but you'll enjoy it more if you can afford it when you do.

 

I did do a lot of running around chasing cousins and climbing trees. My mom also had me in so many other activities that went no where and had my head spinning.

[Crimson Wife]

I am sure other kids are different, but I am not willing to commit a lot of money or time without knowing if my kid will like the activity.

 

There was a HUGE debate going on another forum I frequent bc a kid signed for a sport and then realized she didn't like it but her father (the poster) wouldn't let her get out of it bc of the "commitment to the team".

 

I am all for sticking out with things, but at the same time life is too short for me to force my kid to a season of sport he didn't like.

 

So, I am also very careful when picking "signed up" activities bc of that aspect as well.

 

I do force my children to finish out the session/season, even if they don't like it. They are perfectly free to pass on signing up again, but I don't allow them to quit partway through. Generally we're talking 3-4 months max and while life is indeed short, it's not THAT short.

 

The Science Olympiad team my kids did last year had problems with kids dropping out and their parents not making them honor their commitment to the team. A few instances were unavoidable but a LOT of it was flakiness. And that left the kids who stayed with the team having to scramble at the last minute to try and pick up the load.

[Farrar]

I'm totally with you on that, Crimson Wife.  Major life change or illness is the only reason my kids can quit a team or group commitment.  Anything else is just rude to the other kids and the organizers.

[mathnerd]

In my city, the parks and rec dept offers a ton of activities including early ballet, early gymnastics, swimming, soccer, chess, basketball, karate and aikido for very very reasonable rates. I strongly suggest that you check that out as well as you local Y.

Also some college students and church members offer very cheap piano lessons if you looked around enough.

Lastly, become a museum member - ours had a ton of activities in the summer.

[austen]

My kids are 9 and 11. We didn't do a lot of activities when they were young and we still don't. Part of it has been finances, but also it's been about sanity. I don't want to be taking my kids all over. I also think it's important for them to have a lot of downtime to be imaginative and play. That's partly while we homeschool. My kids know how to make their own fun and are very appreciative of what they have. That is more important to me than activities.

 

We have done swimming lessons, because it is a life-long skill (and for safety). We have done some art lessons and group music lessons. We hike and explore nature a lot. This year at 11, my son wanted to do track and we supported it. It was the first sport he did, and it was the first sport he showed interest in. I was glad I never signed him up for soccer just because everyone else did.

 

I wouldn't go into debt for activities. I remember all the pressure. It doesn't get to me as much now. We are different enough because we homeschool. I've gotten used to people thinking we're outside the mainstream anyway.