TheRosySeven Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 My son was 8 years old last September. We have been working and doing school since he was five. Everything is a complete struggle. His reading, math, phonics.... everything. I feel so discouraged. Not only does he consistently complain about doing his work, he is also behind. We just started the R&S reading/phonics program and it's been a total struggle. I had to bite the bullet and order the first grade curriculum. I feel like a complete failure. What am I doing wrong at this point?? His sister, is just barely 7 and is doing the same (if not better) than he is. I hate to put him back a grade but at this point it just seems necessary. Sorry for the rant, I'm just utterly sad and feel very unhopeful right now. Thanks for any encouragement for helpful advice :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Have you asked your doctor about having him evaluated to make sure there isn't anything else going on? There are quite a few things that can make it difficult for children to learn, like dyslexia, sensory disorders, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistiDelaney Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Behind whom, may I ask? "behind" "put him back a 'grade' ... Sorry, I had to ask. :cool: (I hope not to be offensive in my silliness.) Take a deep breath my friend. Homeschooling is not mass education - and that's one of its major benefits. Instead of worrying about a mythic peer who may be "doing better than" our children, we get to meet them where they are and orchestrate an educational journey for them. Your son is where he is and he is who he is. I'm not saying that his struggle isn't worth thinking about, but I fear that you are putting additional pressure on both of you by holding him up against mythic "peers" rather than meeting him where he is, finding out how he learns best, and then helping him on his journey to a well educated young man. It's not a race - as long as he gets there, it doesn;t matter what path he takes or what rabbit trails the pair of you investigate on the way. (FWIW girls often do mature more quickly than boys and that's just fine. Your daughter is who she is and she is where she is, too.) ;) My son was 8 years old last September. We have been working and doing school since he was five. Everything is a complete struggle. His reading, math, phonics.... everything. I feel so discouraged. Not only does he consistently complain about doing his work, he is also behind. We just started the R&S reading/phonics program and it's been a total struggle. I had to bite the bullet and order the first grade curriculum. I feel like a complete failure. What am I doing wrong at this point?? His sister, is just barely 7 and is doing the same (if not better) than he is. I hate to put him back a grade but at this point it just seems necessary. Sorry for the rant, I'm just utterly sad and feel very unhopeful right now. Thanks for any encouragement for helpful advice :) One possibility may be that he learns differently than the materials that you have been providing teach. What methods are you using? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 could you tell us more about how homeschooling works at your house? things like how you start each day, if you stay with him, if there is a particular space in the house where he does school, etc. it may be something as simple as him needing outdoor time before he starts, a quiet place to work and you sitting with him. hth, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRosySeven Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 We usually do breakfast, then getting dressed/washing up for the day, Math, break, English, Lunch, Phonics/reading. I group them together at the family dinner table. I have four. So, him, my 7 year old daughter and my five year old daughter (who is using mostly pre K stuff) and my one year old running around. He gets completely upset if there is any noise (like his little brother crying or the girls talking out loud). We do R&S for the meaty things like math and phonics and english. History is SOWT, which he does love. He likes listening to me read and talk about stories. He learns well when he sees things on the white board. And, when I am next to him, he does well because he doesn't get off task. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Have you asked your doctor about having him evaluated to make sure there isn't anything else going on? There are quite a few things that can make it difficult for children to learn, like dyslexia, sensory disorders, etc. Having an accurate picture of strengths as weaknesses related to learning is invaluable. You might want to have him evaluated by a psychologist to get some answers. Some psychs will do a lot of testing themselves or at a testing center (such as a Children's Hospital). Others will meet with you and do testing on a more "as needed" basis. You also should make sure your child has had thorough vision and hearing screenings. Consider using a developmental optometrist for a screening that checks FAR MORE than an optometrist will (developmental optometrists can be found with the label COVD). A stunning number of people do not have their children's vision checked at all or even periodically (or their own!). Auditory processing is not the same thing as hearing acuity. It can cause problems with education. A thorough workup is not always possible before age 8 or 9 (some will work up a 7 y.o.), but there are screenings that will tell you if auditory processing problems (called CAPD or APD) are likely to be a factor. Some children have a combination of factors that contribute to a learning problem, and testing helps figure that out. Many problems look the same on the outside but have very different underlying causes and solutions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Hi Kylaf! Just a thought -you might try sending the girls off to play with the 1yo in another part of the house right after breakfast and working just one-on-one with your son with you reading the math problems and him doing the problems on the white board. For a kiddo that struggles with reading (a bit) and with distractions (a lot), this is a pretty good way to keep them focused and take the struggle away from the problem reading/writing areas. It should cut the time that a math lesson takes down considerably for him. I would also see if you can carve out another 30 minute block in the afternoon (does the 1yo nap?) to do phonics with just him and the whiteboard. Believe me, I know that's hard to do with 4 little ones, but you may need to dedicate a bit of one-on-one time to him to get him "jump-started" so to speak. If having the 7yo doing the same material as your son causes a problem (it certainly would have here!), I would recommend getting DIFFERENT materials for one of them for next year. Good Luck and hope this helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Try cross posting to the Learning Challenges board. Lots of help there. Do you feel like there is something else going on that is causing his learning struggles? If so, I would suggest an evaluation to see exactly where and why he struggles and the best methods for remediating it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 My son was 8 years old last September. We have been working and doing school since he was five. Everything is a complete struggle. His reading, math, phonics.... everything. I feel so discouraged. Not only does he consistently complain about doing his work, he is also behind. We just started the R&S reading/phonics program and it's been a total struggle. I had to bite the bullet and order the first grade curriculum. I feel like a complete failure. What am I doing wrong at this point?? His sister, is just barely 7 and is doing the same (if not better) than he is. I hate to put him back a grade but at this point it just seems necessary. Sorry for the rant, I'm just utterly sad and feel very unhopeful right now. Thanks for any encouragement for helpful advice :) :grouphug: Well, I would want to know which instructional materials and whatnot that you've been using/doing. We can't answer your question without more information. :-) ETA: I would *not* "put him back a grade." Homeschooled children are not "in" "grades" in the first place, and unless there are significant learning or health issues, I don't see why he wouldn't be able to be brought up to age-appropriate levels...but we have to know what you've done. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 :grouphug: Well, I would want to know which instructional materials and whatnot that you've been using/doing. We can't answer your question without more information. :-) ETA: I would *not* "put him back a grade." Homeschooled children are not "in" "grades" in the first place, and unless there are significant learning or health issues, I don't see why he wouldn't be able to be brought up to age-appropriate levels...but we have to know what you've done. :-) :iagree: ! Most kids have some areas in which they are stronger than others. I think it's a rare child who is right on grade level in every area of study. School kids are often somewhat ahead of or behind other kids in their same grade. As a homeschooler you don't have to have your child work at the same level in every subject. BTW my kids are 18 months apart and my daughter quickly surpassed her older brother in a few areas. For a while he would ask her to help him when he had trouble reading something, and he still occasionally asks her for spelling help. He has stronger areas in which he can help her. It doesn't have to be a big deal if kids are helped to understand that some things are easier for others, and some things are harder... and that "grade level" isn't important in a homeschool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 First, I would take a deep breath, let it out and relax. He is only 8 years old, and a boy to boot. Both of those things might just indicate that he is a late bloomer. For what it's worth, one of my dds didn't, couldn't read until she was nine. (And she has a tested IQ of higher than 145.) We tried numerous different programs and nothing worked, Until, one day, there it was. She caught up just like that! Now, it is possible that you have a normal, but slower paced little boy who will bloom in his own time. Or, it is possible that you are seeing something that worries you beyond just slow academics and that is why you asked. Again, don't worry. He's young. You have so much time to 'catch-up'. I agree that vision test, hearing test, and the like are a good place to start. You could also look at his learning preference and see if it conflicts with your teaching preference. Spend some time playing learning games and see if that sparks some interest. Try a more or less structured approach and see if that works for him. Without more specific information it's hard to provide specific advice. But, I would just like to send a hug and encourage you to relax. All is not lost. Sometimes it just takes time. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 You've gotten a lot of great advice. I would second AK_Mom4's advice to try to carve off some quieter time alone with him. One thing I did when my kids were learning to read was have them snuggle in bed with me first thing in the morning, and they had to read aloud to me there. After they read a bit I would read to them. It was one-on-one time and they loved it, and it was quieter and less distracting than the table. Could your DH mind the youngers while you do this? Or give the 7 and 5yo a craft or video while the baby naps, and take DS into another room for privacy. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Can he read at all? What sort of math is he doing successfully if any? I think evaluations can be helpful as others have suggested. My boys both struggled a lot with reading. Traditional programs were not working, especially for my middle child. We slogged through. Then when my youngest started struggling I found Dancing Bears. It was very helpful and I wish I had found it when I was looking for something for older DS. My youngest is now doing wonderful, but his reading didn't really take off until a few months ago. One day he was struggling and the next he was doing great. Finding books he was interested in was a big help. And FWIW he still doesn't enjoy reading. My middle still struggles a lot with schoolwork. He has diagnosed problems that contribute to his learning difficulties and knowing these has helped me to look for resources that will help him learn in a way that works for him. Youngest doesn't actually have any problems he was just a late bloomer. My eldest did great with traditional type curriculum. I am sure whatever we had gone with would have been fine for her, but my boys needed something geared for their particular learning differences. Good luck. I hope you are able to find answers to help you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datgh Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 My daughter used to struggle. It was obvious when you saw her work next to her peers. She was in school at the time and I didn't pick up on it until she was your sons age. The school didn't either but that is another story. My dd hated most of her subjects in school. I demanded to have her tested and the experts were brought in. Turns out she had trouble encoding and decoding words. She couldn't read well at all and had reached the point that the work was just overwhelming her. Once we knew what the problem was and addressed it she started doing better and better. She is now in high school and having no trouble handling any work I throw at her because now that she can read she is excited to learn. It sounds like you are beginning to see red flags. It wouldn't hurt to get your son evaluated not only for hearing and eye sight but also for learning disabilities. If there is a disability, you can then tackle it head on and watch your son blossom as a learner. You will both be relieved and much happier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 lots of good advice! reading one on one was the only way my four learned to read. nap time for littles is a good time to do work. i almost always have the kids in separate rooms working, and i wander from room to room. i fold laundry beside whichever one needs my presence to help them stay on task at that moment. hth, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 One of my boys was similar. Took forever to learn to read, could not concentrate, distracted by every little thing, very sensitive to noises. Took him forever to be able to concentrate and when he finally was concentrating would cover his ears when others made loudish noises. Even when I would sit right next to him he would need me to redirect him every 2 minutes. Took forever to get a little bit of school work done. Took about 4 years of daily phonics instruction to learn to read ... Once he turned 10 he was like a new boy. Still a little distractible at 11, but no where near as bad. Can do his work without being redirected every 2 minutes, caught up to grade level with reading. I thought those days would never end and I would be holding his hand to get his math problems done in college! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Second the idea of putting him in a quiet space away from noise. I can't believe how much better my son was at getting work done. And I only have one other child who is 5. 2 more would make it very difficult for him to work in the same room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 My DD has SPD ...I bought her ear muff thingys so she didn't have to "hear everyone breathing " LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 I would let him listen to instrumental music with ear buds while doing school. For one of my children that was VERY helpful. Both of my younger children did not read until they were 7 even though they are highly intelligent and I started working with them when they were four. When they started to read they could read whole sentences and understand complex processes. I do think you should have him checked for learning disabilities or vision/hearing issues, but I bet in the end he is going to do just fine. Also, some kids are just Eeyore types and fight more than they learn. There have been numerous threads about them over the years. They do need special parenting, but there is advice and help for this if it is what turns out to be the trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRosySeven Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 One of my boys was similar. Took forever to learn to read, could not concentrate, distracted by every little thing, very sensitive to noises. Took him forever to be able to concentrate and when he finally was concentrating would cover his ears when others made loudish noises. Even when I would sit right next to him he would need me to redirect him every 2 minutes. Took forever to get a little bit of school work done. Took about 4 years of daily phonics instruction to learn to read ... Once he turned 10 he was like a new boy. Still a little distractible at 11, but no where near as bad. Can do his work without being redirected every 2 minutes, caught up to grade level with reading. I thought those days would never end and I would be holding his hand to get his math problems done in college! ^^ This is my son to a T :cursing: It take so long to get through work and it stresses me out. But there are so many helpful ideas here. Thank you! I'm going to take him in pretty soon to just see if we're not missing something. I think, in the end, it's going to be fine. Putting them in separate rooms is a fantastic idea as is the instrumental music with ear buds. He does like listening to music while he does his work. I talked with my husband and we both feel like one on one time would be a great help for him. We use R&S stuff mostly. But I'm having to cut some of it down for him so he can get the basics. His blending sounds in reading and phonics is just not good. But then again, he surprises me. He'll read something and I'm amazed he's reading it! And some days, nope. Just not there for him. He has a hard time focusing, sitting still, and paying attention. I'm constantly having to redirect him to his work. Again, thank you for all the recommendations. I'm going to try them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 ^^ This is my son to a T :cursing: It take so long to get through work and it stresses me out. But there are so many helpful ideas here. Thank you! I'm going to take him in pretty soon to just see if we're not missing something. I think, in the end, it's going to be fine. Putting them in separate rooms is a fantastic idea as is the instrumental music with ear buds. He does like listening to music while he does his work. I talked with my husband and we both feel like one on one time would be a great help for him. We use R&S stuff mostly. But I'm having to cut some of it down for him so he can get the basics. His blending sounds in reading and phonics is just not good. But then again, he surprises me. He'll read something and I'm amazed he's reading it! And some days, nope. Just not there for him. He has a hard time focusing, sitting still, and paying attention. I'm constantly having to redirect him to his work. Again, thank you for all the recommendations. I'm going to try them! It'll be okay. And just to mention it--I realized when mine were younger, they could either learn or they could sit still. At some point it gets better, but mine would often stand, wiggle, squirm, move, and generally drive me batty. But if I made them sit still? They spent all their brainpower trying to get their bodies to cooperate and had nothing left for book-learning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 I think someone else suggested this as well but check out www.3rsplus.com or www.iseesam.com for some great learn to read books that were designed for struggling readers. The Dancing Bears program and Apples and Pears spelling go very well with this and might be a better fit for him. Depending on his level the Rod and Staff program is designed to teach reading in English to Amish kids that don't learn much English until they go to school-----so the phonics part they need but for many other kids it is just too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsJewelsRae Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 My ds is not behind, but he is easily distractable and irritated, plus he gets overwhelmed/bored easily by certain subjects. R&S and CLE language arts bored him to tears, he hated them (though I thought they were a good thorough program and was sorry to give up CLE). We backed off of LA for a while, let him read a LOT for pleasure, read great classic lit to him, etc. He is nearly 12 and doing "Climbing to Good English" for now without complaint. For math he really likes Life of Fred- see if you ds likes it, maybe try reading it to him, if necessary. :) Hope you find something that works for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 I hung a swing in our entryway because my dd could suddenly read if she was allowed to be moving and the swinging soothed her as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 How much direct instruction time do you give for each subject? How much of the work is sit in a chair and write from/into a book? I would get more hands on and incorporate more movement, music, physical activity and videos into the day. Seatwork just isn't the be all and end all for some kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 I'm sure you got a number of ideas of what to look into, consider, try, etc above (I didn't read them, yet at least). I wanted to address the holding him back a grade part. I say call him his age-based grade level until 12-13 years old. If you decide, he needs a 2nd 8th grade year or a "gap year" before high school or whatever you want to call it, do it then. But don't worry about academic level vs age or grade level at this point. My son is a child who is a late bloomer AND doesn't give you ANY indication he's learning along the way. He did that with everything. So everything was in late spurts and it really shook my confidence as his homeschooling mom! At 12, we joined a public school at home program. They insisted he be put in his age-based grade which I thought was ludicrous. We struggled still, but he made progress. At the end of the year, he had to take the state testing. He scored very low average. He got what he HAD to get, at least. I had "held him back" and all sorts of weird stuff along the way. BTW, I also have an extremely advanced child (was advanced as a preschooler, graduated high school early, etc) also who I also changed grade levels with. So I have been there each direction and I suggest you wait until jr high to tweak grade levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Your son sounds a lot like mine. He has auditory processing disorder (finally diagnosed at age 10). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistiDelaney Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 I had to laugh when Iread this, JudoMom. Our caboose boy was the same way! He did most of his best learning while standing on his head for many years. He's very nearly eleven now and I haven't seen him do that lately, but at 3, and 4, and 8 and 9...? Oh yes. It'll be okay. And just to mention it--I realized when mine were younger, they could either learn or they could sit still. At some point it gets better, but mine would often stand, wiggle, squirm, move, and generally drive me batty. But if I made them sit still? They spent all their brainpower trying to get their bodies to cooperate and had nothing left for book-learning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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