Dress Up In Public?

[Wheres Toto]

Pajama days at schools are so prevalent now that it's practically become normal attire.  :lol:   At what point does something trendy and normal become acceptable?

 

My oldest is the one who wore pj's after dance and shorts with tights.  She never had a problem understanding that the dance shorts and tights weren't worn to school, or church, or any other time except when we were going home from dance or a competition.    Just like she understood that the stage make-up and hair she wore at competitions weren't worn any other time or place.  She could understand that at 4 years old so I wasn't concerned about her showing up for a job interview in her spongebob fleece.   After a competition we would often have a group of a dozen girls and their parents at a restaurant, all of them with hair sprayed into a super-sticky bun, pajama pants with the competition jackets, slippers, and full competition make-up.   It was part of the fun for the girls.

 

Once she got older and some of her costumes were jeans with really nice shirts, it got harder for her to remember that she could NOT wear that $90 beaded tank-top to school. :glare:

[Ellie]

As far as helping children understand that some clothes are appropriate in some settings and some are not, I have two thoughts. One is, as children grow and mature, they'll figure it out. Four year olds wear tutus and spin in the grocery store aisles, but most fourteen year olds have long since recognized older kids do not. The other is that what is appropriate attire is defined by society. As people reject traditional habits simply because they are traditional, styles change. We no expect to see girls dressed in patent leather shoes and dresses, and boys in leather shoes and button down shirts with collars every time they leave the house. We don't expect most people to travel on airplanes and in trains in their "Sunday best." Most of us don't go to the salon for a hair style that will last the week, or necessarily match our shoes with our purses. When I read "appropriate," I can't help but interpret it as "traditional." It's not traditional to wear pajama pants out in public, but that doesn't mean it's not appropriate. Wearing a scuba suit would be inappropriate because scuba suits are suited for deep water. Wearing modern fashion isn't inappropriate because it covers the parts of the body deemed indecent by society in general (genitals, and breasts for women). 

 

The thing is that many people do not "figure it out." They just don't. You have only to look around you at almost any function to know that this is true.

 

Yes, IMHO, in most cases, it will be inappropriate for anyone who can walk to wear pajamas outside the house. It would be inappropriate of me to correct anyone who does so, however. :-)

 

There is nothing wrong with a society having traditions on what is appropriate and what is not.

[SKL]

The thing is that many people do not "figure it out." They just don't. You have only to look around you at almost any function to know that this is true.

 

True, but is there any evidence that this can be traced back to wearing a tutu to the grocery store?

 

[SKL]

Actually, based on my limited experience, it seems to me that the kids most likely to want to dress up when little are the ones who are most observant of dress trends and traditions as they grow up.

[Wheres Toto]

At what point does something that was previously inappropriate become appropriate?  When the majority decides it is?

[Upward Journey]

Actually, based on my limited experience, it seems to me that the kids most likely to want to dress up when little are the ones who are most observant of dress trends and traditions as they grow up.

I've found this to be true with my own children.

[albeto.]

The thing is that many people do not "figure it out." They just don't. You have only to look around you at almost any function to know that this is true.

 

Yes, IMHO, in most cases, it will be inappropriate for anyone who can walk to wear pajamas outside the house. It would be inappropriate of me to correct anyone who does so, however. :-)

 

There is nothing wrong with a society having traditions on what is appropriate and what is not.

 

If a fourteen year old girl is dressing and acting like a four year old girl in public, I suspect there's cognitive and developmental issues at play rather than a simple ignorance about everyone else having moved on to different styles. I can only imagine there are societal traditions you are happy to never have been expected to maintain, things that your grandparents' generation were expected to do but your parents' generation rejected. I know my kids have more freedom of self expression than I ever did and I'm so grateful for that. Wearing pajamas in public is just a tiny part of that rejection of accepting a value based on informal public appearance. It's no different than men wearing their hair long. My daughter can have green hair and no one will think she's a lunatic. On a bigger and more important scale she could hold the hand of another girl in public if she wanted to, and she won't be a target for abuse in our area. That's actually pretty damn huge, especially when thinking about the kinds of things kids were (and in many, most?) places in the country still are suffering when it comes paying the price to be themselves in public. 

 

Wearing clothes is a part of self-expression, but ultimately I think it's more appropriate for people to learn to identify clothes as a kind of accessory to the person, not the main qualifier. Whatever a person thinks it "says" about a woman wearing pajama pants in public is a stereotype and reveals a prejudice that person would benefit from knowing, in my opinion anyway. Does a person who considers themselves generally decent and kind and compassionate want to know that they are harboring prejudice? Would they want to know that these feelings of disgust and fear (emotions they aren't aware of, but the ones that inspire our hesitation to accept that which is potentially dangerous) inspire them to behave in ways that are hurtful to good and innocent people? Rhetorical question, of course. 

[mhaddon]

I guess it depends on where we go... althought being a trunk keeper for Matilda Jane my girls are almost always "dressed up" in other peoples eyes and they often come up to talk to me- like everywhere we go, lol. But we don't own any flower girl type dresses. And I do let them pick out combos from the closet because everything "cordinates" but not always matches.   I see kids in all sorts of clothing and never comment. My middle son loves to put on a tie when we go to eat. I don't think anything is wrong with a child that likes to dress, they have so few choices right now that I don't feel it hurts :)  As long as they aren't running around in skimpy clothing as a young girl I don't judge, but if you 10 year old is wearing shorts where her pockets are longer than the shorts...

[albeto.]

As long as they aren't running around in skimpy clothing as a young girl I don't judge, but if you 10 year old is wearing shorts where her pockets are longer than the shorts...

 

.... ?

 

You judge?

 

What do you judge about girls who are 10 years old and wearing short shorts?

 

I'm just curious because when I was ten, in the late '70's, everyone had short shorts. Even men. Basketball shorts were short (remember Larry Bird and his long, long legs and short little shorts?). Anyway, short shorts were everywhere and that's just the way it was. I wonder how ten year old me would have been judged because I only know what I was thinking at the time, but I wonder what someone else would assume I must have been thinking. 

[inmyopinion]

Unless there is a reason to dress a certain way, I give them a lot of freedom.  Truth be told, I would LOVE to go out dressed as a princess myself :)  

Yes, there are times that we need to "conform" to dress standards but I think when they are little they should be able to have fun.  Now, if they are 16 and still wearing a spider man costume to Wal-Mart well, I may have to think that one over . . . . .

[J-rap]

Actually, based on my limited experience, it seems to me that the kids most likely to want to dress up when little are the ones who are most observant of dress trends and traditions as they grow up.

 

Interesting!  This is definitely true in my family. 

 

[Mommyof4ks]

My kids dressed up when they went out until they were each around 6-7. I do not see many kids dressed up though, so maybe it is is weird. I don't know, but taking happy kids to the store was more important than taking kids wearing normal clothes lol.

[8circles]

The thing is that many people do not "figure it out." They just don't. You have only to look around you at almost any function to know that this is true.

 

Yes, IMHO, in most cases, it will be inappropriate for anyone who can walk to wear pajamas outside the house. It would be inappropriate of me to correct anyone who does so, however. :-)

 

There is nothing wrong with a society having traditions on what is appropriate and what is not.

I cannot think of even one occasion where I saw someone who as a neurotypical adult hadn't "figured it out". What kind of things do you see that fall into this category? Dresses without hose or shoes without socks? I'm seriously curious. (Ok, that part about the hose/socks wasn't serious, but my question is)

[GSOchristie]

I don't let me dd wear dress up to go out, but I let my boys.  She has so, so, so many cute clothes with matching hairbows, tights, sweaters, and shoes that I want to dress her up.  She doesn't mind, the more accessorized the better, in her opinion :).  I do let her wear her dress up all the time at home, which is where we are most of the time.  

[Impish]

Unless there is a reason to dress a certain way, I give them a lot of freedom.  Truth be told, I would LOVE to go out dressed as a princess myself :)

Yes, there are times that we need to "conform" to dress standards but I think when they are little they should be able to have fun.  Now, if they are 16 and still wearing a spider man costume to Wal-Mart well, I may have to think that one over . . . . .

I was thinking the other day, if I find a 'Princess' dress in my size, I'm buying it. And taking my Princess out for tea in it.  :D

[Hikin' Mama]

I love it, Imp! I love being out and seeing kids "dressed up," whatever that may be for them. Spiderman, princess, Batman, whatever. Childhood is such a short time, why not let them live it to the fullest? Let them use their wonderful imaginations! Oh and I definitely think you should do a princess tea with your dd. And post pictures!

[Hikin' Mama]

The thing is that many people do not "figure it out." They just don't. You have only to look around you at almost any function to know that this is true.

 

Yes, IMHO, in most cases, it will be inappropriate for anyone who can walk to wear pajamas outside the house. It would be inappropriate of me to correct anyone who does so, however. :-)

 

There is nothing wrong with a society having traditions on what is appropriate and what is not.

I've not seen any evidence of this. I've known many, many little kids who dressed up to some degree or another and all of them are now late teens or early adults and all of them dress appropriately. And they dress more fashionably than I do! :)

 

We all do things in childhood that we don't do now: poop our diaper, cry a lot, suck on a pacifier, drink from bottle/breast, throw Cheerios across the room, throw temper tantrums in the grocery store, dress up in costumes to go to Target. Do you know anyone who continues those behaviors into adulthood or even later childhood? Okay, anyone who is not cognitively impaired?

[Caroline]

I cannot think of even one occasion where I saw someone who as a neurotypical adult hadn't "figured it out". What kind of things do you see that fall into this category? Dresses without hose or shoes without socks? I'm seriously curious. (Ok, that part about the hose/socks wasn't serious, but my question is)

I am curious about this, too. Either I attend functions with people who know how to dress, or I don't know how to dress so I am unaware of people inappropriately dressed.

[wintermom]

I think it's cute to see kids dress up in public, and some of my dc really enjoyed doing this. Not to go to church or a funeral, but certainly to the grocery store, family dinner or family event. I've never had anything but positive comments, if any at all. I can't imagine who would say anything negative about a cute little girl dressed up in a frilly dress. Sounds like someone is overly grumpy and needs to relax a little.

 

As far as dressing appropriately for cold weather, my dh loves to wear shorts outdoors in the winter. He had fun shocking an older lady at a gas station when he filled up the car in shorts, no gloves and no coat in -20 degrees. So far our dc haven't taken on his crazy ways.

[happypamama]

My 4 year old doesn’t so much want to dress up in fancy clothes but she has a very strong sense of her own style. A typical outfit would be polka dot leggings, a tutu skirt, a shirt of a different color, a knitted shawl, a strand of beads and socks that don’t match. She’ll wear three tutu skirts at once or completely mismatched clothes. It’s not because she throws whatever on, she’ll come out looking crazy but having very deliberately picked it all out. And she thinks she is beautiful.

 

I pretty much let her wear what she wants. I feel like her sense of style is important to her and is part of her defining who she is. I do have slightly stricter requirements for church or co-op or when we’re going to something like a wedding or other more formal activity.

If I saw your 4yo's beads and three tutu skirts, I would be sure to smile and tell her how much I loved her beautiful outfit!

 

I do have stricter requirements for things like church and weddings, and honestly, I have really not gotten arguments about it from my kids. And it's not necessarily because they happen to be very passive and non-argumentative. I think it's because I so rarely make an issue out of clothing that they feel okay respecting my wishes when I do ask. Of course, then they take my suggestion that we find something nice and appropriate for Thanksgiving and run with it; a couple of years ago, my then 4 and 7yo sons got it in their heads that they needed ties and button-down shirts. We're not super formal at TG, and nice jeans and a polo shirt or even a nice t-shirt would have been fine. But no, we had to find ties for them (and they did look smashing).

[Mommy22alyns]

Sylvia went to one of Rebecca's gymnastics classes in a princess dress with tights and a long sleeved shirt underneath.  Why would that bother anyone?

[Impish]

I love it, Imp! I love being out and seeing kids "dressed up," whatever that may be for them. Spiderman, princess, Batman, whatever. Childhood is such a short time, why not let them live it to the fullest? Let them use their wonderful imaginations! Oh and I definitely think you should do a princess tea with your dd. And post pictures!

LOL! If I can find one in a consignment shop in my size, I will!

[Rebel Yell]

(snipped)

 

The only limits I placed on dressing up was for weather appropriateness and ability to do what was needed.  I also reserved the right to request particular outfits for special occasions, but I used that sparingly.

 

:iagree:

 

I also insted that any uniforms/dress codes be followed for activities.

[Rebel Yell]

See, I think it's important to help children understand that some clothes are appropriate in some settings and some are not. It is that way in the adult world, and I think it's much better to begin that understanding when children are young rather than having it sprung on them when they are young adults. Children can learn to have their own style within guidelines.

 

Yes, I'm an "older mom." My children, who are now the ages of most of you, have their own styles, but they know how to dress appropriately for the occasion.

 

ETA: My older dd came to visit us last fall with my grandson, who was 3 1/2 at that time. She let him wear his Spiderman jammies everywhere he went--to the caverns, to Zilker Park, to the Austin Zoo and to the restaurant, on the airplane to go home. I did not say a thing, but girls, it was killing me inside!!! :laugh:

 

:hurray: :hurray: :hurray:  Good job! 

[Rebel Yell]

Unless there is a reason to dress a certain way, I give them a lot of freedom.  Truth be told, I would LOVE to go out dressed as a princess myself :)

Yes, there are times that we need to "conform" to dress standards but I think when they are little they should be able to have fun.  Now, if they are 16 and still wearing a spider man costume to Wal-Mart well, I may have to think that one over . . . . .

 

:leaving:

 

Uh-Oh!  Diamond often wears what she calls "subtle cos-plays" at COLLEGE.  Often with superhero/comic book character themes. She works at the campus library. Sometimes in a Batgirl t-shirt, with black jeans, and yellow knee-high boots. (Bonus points to everyone who gets the reference)

 

Diamond's Harley Quinn is amazing. If you didn't know who Harley Quinn was, you wouldn't even know she was "dressed up." :coolgleamA:

[BigMamaBird]

My Dh took the kids to the store in the summer, probably 85 degrees and the baby had taken his sandals off.  An elderly lady came up to him and told him the baby needed his feet covered.  The lady's Dh was a few feet way making apologetic gestures.  Dh graciously pulled out a light weight receiving blanket and covered baby from the waist down.  The lady thanked him, cooed over baby and left.  He was flabbergasted and didn't believe me how often stuff like that happens to me when I go out with the kids.  Some folks, mostly the older crowd, have very strong opinions and very light filters.  Most of the time I just humor them unless they're really beligerent or offensive.

 

Smile and nod.

[Joanne]

My youngest spent 2 years wearing nothing but a Spider Man costume. In fact, I had to buy more than one while one was washed or repaired!

A mom on this board (Homeschool Mom in AZ) repaired his costume for me more than once!

 

I got mostly positive comments, and was baffled by the (few) negative ones. AZ is less uptight than Texas.

[lynn]

There was a little girl at the beach this weekend with her ballet costume on.  I think it's so adorable to see kids dress up however they choose.   I loved that at co-op a mini ironman walked in showing his muscles.  Why not let them express themselves through their clothes.  DD dresses quite interesting most days and get a lot of looks but really does it matter.  If she did not dress colorful she would not be her true self.  (I have to keep telling myself "It's just clothes" over and over some days.....)

[Impish]

I guess my thing w/it, is really, who does it harm?

 

Of all the things that a kid can do, dressing up to go to the grocery store, playground, whatever seems to be such an innocent, little thing, it always surprises me that folks can react so strongly.

 

It's not like I'm skulking about in alleyways, set to pounce on unsuspecting young girls, stuff them into Princess gowns and toss them into public.

[catz]

If you like CosPlay, here's some Frozen cosplay young women that had their photos taken in the last couple weeks. Love it! They had their pictures taken at our local Swedish Institute.

 

http://blogs.disney.com/disney-style/lifestyle/2014/01/28/this-frozen-photo-shoot-is-super-impressive/

[SKL]

I just started reading the Ramona books with my kids.  When Ramona was little, she went out looking like a goof, too.  Beezus and Ramona was written in the 1950s.  Clearly wearing kid-created style in public is not a recent phenomenon.

[Joanne]

The thing is that many people do not "figure it out." They just don't. You have only to look around you at almost any function to know that this is true.

 

Yes, IMHO, in most cases, it will be inappropriate for anyone who can walk to wear pajamas outside the house. It would be inappropriate of me to correct anyone who does so, however. :-)

 

There is nothing wrong with a society having traditions on what is appropriate and what is not.

 

IMObservation, most people - the overwhelming majority - *do* dress appropriately for setting.

 

And those who don't, I doubt it is because a parent chose to allow them to wear "play" or "dress up" clothing as an expression of self, or as an intentional allowance due to understanding of developmental stages.

 

My Spider Man son outgrew his costume AND need to wear it without any intervention on my part.

[bolt.]

As one who does not allow it: it's not that I have a strong reaction against it. It's more just that it never occurred to me that I would allow it.

 

For us, to go out of the house we brush out teeth, comb our hair, go pee, and put on day clothes. It's "what people do" -- so we do it. I'm not actively worrying that some lesson in clothing must be taught lest I raise a misfit. I'm not thinking about it at all. I'm just "doing what people do" as I go about my day with kids.

 

Does that make any sense?

 

If we are playing dress-up before going out, we put away those "clothes" because I don't even see them as clothes... more like toys you wear. Dress-up play is over, and we tidy up that activity before doing the next thing.

 

I don't think it's repressive. My kids have plenty of imaginative fun in their lives, so it hasn't had any ill effect on their joy if childhood to be denied this privilege (due to the misfortune of me being a naturally occurring straight-laced mommy.)

[SKL]

I'm pretty sure nobody is saying a child who doesn't get to go out in princess clothes is going to be warped.  I'm pretty sure it was never part of my childhood; though that could be because I've never been the type to dress up.  I mean, whatever floats your boat.  But what made this a topic of discussion was that some people aren't content to just control what their own kids wear; they must criticize what other people's little kids wear.  That's a little sick in my opinion.

[bolt.]

Yeah, there are very few reasons to involve yourself with other people's kids. Clothes are not one of them.

[Guest]

 

 

Or a horse.

 

:lol:  I have to laugh, because this is what I wanted when I was a kid. I used to hook my dog's chain leash into a "bridle" and *gag* put the "bit" in my mouth! One time, my sisters totally snowed me by leading me with my "bridle" over to the "stable," where I stupidly (patiently?) waited for like an hour before I realized my sisters had effectively put me in an hour-long time out.  :huh:

[wintermom]

I'm pretty sure nobody is saying a child who doesn't get to go out in princess clothes is going to be warped.  I'm pretty sure it was never part of my childhood; though that could be because I've never been the type to dress up.  I mean, whatever floats your boat.  But what made this a topic of discussion was that some people aren't content to just control what their own kids wear; they must criticize what other people's little kids wear.  That's a little sick in my opinion.

 

Or sad. Maybe they just have trouble being polite and quiet out in public.  :p

[msrift]

I don't have a problem with it. My boys never really wanted to, unless you count creative color combinations and snow boots every day for a month in summer as 'dress-up'. I would have an issue with it if the child wasn't allowed to participate in activities due to how they were dressed (i.e. can't get that fancy dress dirty at the park).

Of course, my dd is VERY into dress-up. She wore her Cinderella costume everywhere from Oct 1-Dec 1. Her oldest brother (who is very much entering the tween/teen years of being continuously annoyed at everything) even learned to just shrug it off. Heck, I've been known to go grocery shopping while wearing dd's tiara to humor her. ("Keep it on, Mama! You look so pretty!!" - C'mon who could say no to that? :tongue_smilie: )

[Pod's mum]

A long time ago eldest dd and two friends were playing dress-ups when my friend and I decided we would drive to see the Queen and Prince Phillip drive to the airport.

So we loaded a princess, a cheetah (dd) and a green dragon into the car and found a position where their car would drove past slowly. Even at the end of a drive of polite waving to full 'sidewalks', our kids got an enthusiastic wave from both the Queen and the Prince.

 

This dd spent some time wearing her duct-tape warfare Greek warrior helmet, tunic and sword around home and everywhere else.

 

If the dress-ups won't suffer I'm fine with it. Some are inside kit.

We've always had great dress ups so even older kids like to get stuck in.

 

[Impish]

Wolf even went out in Princess garb to the grocery store once.

 

Well...ok, it was a Princess sticker. On his forehead. 

 

Diva was 4, and had been playing with Daddy. He missed one. :P

[BameGalak]

I know this post is almost ten years old, but I wanted to throw in my 2¢, for what it is worth. I have not personally let my children go out in costumes, they never really asked. But I try to put myself in the shoes of someone seeing a kid dressed up in something "out of the ordinary." And I know that for me, it would bring nothing me nothing but pure joy to see a kid dressed up as a princess, superhero, whatever. In the world in which we are currently living, we could all use a little mental break from reality, and to see a kid just being a kid out in a store or restaurant should bring thoughts of happiness. And we shouldn't fault each other as parents, because no two families are the same and our main goal as parents should be to foster love in our children the best way we can individually. I'm not raising your children, and you aren't raising mine, so it doesn't matter whether we agree or disagree on topics such as this. I would love to see other parents just being supportive of other parents for once, except in a situation where a child is being harmed or neglected (obviously). We are supposed to be adults, so we should be able to share our thoughts without being broken down like the wimpy kid on the school playground. (Isn't it funny how the dynamics of the school years continue throughout the rest of our lives?) Anyway, I hope that each one of you are blessed to the brim. Take care.