Brilliant Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Someone I know just lost her young-adult child. Although we are not close (only see each other occasionally), I consider her a friend and want to support her at this time. I had planned to attend the funeral but just found out there is also a viewing the night before. I've never been to a viewing except as a family member, and neither has my dh, who thinks they are mostly for closer friends & family. What do you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I'd just do the funeral. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I'd go to both. Go in the middle of the viewing period and stay briefly. You just never know if she will see you at either time, but if she does see you, it will be comforting to her to see people care about her and her son. If you can go to both, do it. So sorry for her loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeghanL Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 In my part of the world, the calling hours (or viewing) is more casual (if that's even a term that can be used for such an occasion) and usually has more people in attendance dropping by to pay their respects to the family. The funeral is usually smaller, probably because of the time that has to be taken off from work, and is usually attended by close family & friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Either or both, your choice. When MIL passed, there were people at the viewing that had plans the day of the funeral, and some that couldn't make the viewing that were at the funeral. We also had the casket open before the funeral. There was a small overlap of those that attended both. I say go the the one that is most convenient for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Years ago my younger ds's first grade teacher died. She was only 24--fast moving cancer. I attended the viewing because it was held at a more convenient time than the funeral. The funeral home was an overflowing mob scene. I don't know if that is unusual. It is my understanding the funeral was also very crowded. I did see the family at the viewing--the speech therapist made a point of introducing me to the mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Someone I know just lost her young-adult child. Although we are not close (only see each other occasionally), I consider her a friend and want to support her at this time. I had planned to attend the funeral but just found out there is also a viewing the night before. I've never been to a viewing except as a family member, and neither has my dh, who thinks they are mostly for closer friends & family. What do you think? Around here it tends to be the opposite -- Viewings are typically more for acquaintances, businesses associates, etc., and funerals tend to be more for close friends and family. But attendance at either or both is perfectly acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I'd definitely go to the funeral as a viewing seems more intimate somehow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I'd attend the more casual viewing, sign the guest log in case you don't get to speak with your friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 In my part of the world, the calling hours (or viewing) is more casual (if that's even a term that can be used for such an occasion) and usually has more people in attendance dropping by to pay their respects to the family. The funeral is usually smaller, probably because of the time that has to be taken off from work, and is usually attended by close family & friends. Interesting, I hadn't thought about that. Although it looks like there will be a plenty of people at the funeral, even though it's a weekday, because I've been to his FB page and he had a lot of friends who say they are coming. It seems you are all split as to which I should attend! Since it's not inconvenient for me to attend both - I might just do that. The funeral home for the viewing is literally about a mile from my house, so it would be easy to drop in to pay my respects. And I just feel the funeral is important, because when my mom-in-law died in 2012, I was amazed at how many people attended her funeral - it was literally standing room only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrips Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Viewing seems more informal and relaxed than funerals, and a place where you definitely get a chance to say something, mingle or leave when you want without it being awkward. Either is appropriate to attend though, and appreciated. Or both if you can make it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Sounds like this varies by region. Here viewing/visitation is more informal and often attended by those that are not as close to the family and/or can't attend the funeral. I think that either or both would be good. If the funeral might be "standing room only" type thing I think that I would hang back from taking a seat until the family and closer friends have all been seated and then take up an empty seat in the back, etc. but that is just me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I'd go to both if you can. In my experience, I remember more of the specific people who attended the visitation and spoke with me personally. Funerals are more of a blur and not totally sure of who was there or wasn't, unless they stayed through everything including the luncheon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Honestly, if I had the ability, I'd go to both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 If you can, please go to both. It will mean so much to the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I'd go to both if you can. In my experience, I remember more of the specific people who attended the visitation and spoke with me personally. Funerals are more of a blur and not totally sure of who was there or wasn't, unless they stayed through everything including the luncheon. I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 In our neck of the woods, the visitation is much more attended than the funeral. Casual acquaintances always go to the visitation. Family and closer friends attend the funeral. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Do what feels right to you. An acquaintance of mine lost her 16 yo son a little more than a week ago. I didn't know her very well, but I did go to the funeral which also had the viewing for the 2 hours before. I got there about 20 minutes before the funeral and it was packed. I didn't get to speak to her until after the service, but her eyes just lit up when she saw me there. I talked to her a few days later and she was just so touched that someone that she didn't know very well would come to her son's funeral. I don't regret going and had the viewing been a different day, I probably would have gone to both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 If you can, please go to both. It will mean so much to the family. I agree. It is hard to overestimate the comfort of having people there. Every single body in the room reiterates "your loved one mattered." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 If you can, please go to both. It will mean so much to the family. Yes. Where I am from, the viewing is better attended because of time of day, but people make an effort to go to the funeral if they can (even if they have to take an early lunch break, etc.). Where I live now, funerals are hardly anything but a burial unless the person who died is a child. I think that's horribly sad for the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 I agree. It is hard to overestimate the comfort of having people there. Every single body in the room reiterates "your loved one mattered." That's what I was thinking. Because the viewing is late afternoon/early evening, my dh will probably go with me. He's only met my friend once, but wants to offer condolences also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Both, but if you have to pick one, the funeral is the 'real thing'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I would try to attend both if possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Both, of course, though if you only have time for one, and you'd like a chance to chat, I vote for the viewing, for sure. Since this is a young person, the funeral is likely to be especially crowded. FWIW, in the local tradition of where I grew up, the evening viewings are relatively informal and all kinds of people show up, stopping by on their way home from work, etc. (I'd wear dress slacks.) There is a completely different viewing immediately prior to the funeral that is only for close friends and family, for the last goodbye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Both if possible, or at least the viewing. In my area, most viewings are in the evening or weekend so people who can't get off of work can pay their respects. Most funerals are during the day, and are usually followed by the burial afterwards or later with just the family. Even with a fairly flexible schedule, there have been some funerals we've had to miss, so I'm glad for the evening/weekend tradition of a viewing. We've been to some where we've had to stand in line for quite awhile because there were so many people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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