Why must boys be so loud and rowdy? Am I alone here?

[michaeljenn]

I have 6 children, and my younger two are 4&7yo boys.  My other boy is 18yo, then I had 3 girls, then the two boys.  Those two boys test my patience each and every day… They are LOUD, run through the house, have a love and hate relationship and are just hard to manage.  My older children were not like my younger boys at all.   My kiddo's are all in school right now, and I just have my 4yo home, but my 9yo daughter and the 7yo son are begging to come back home… I was planning on bringing them home after Christmas, but I am really starting to rethink my plan because I feel like I cannot get a handle on the boys.  I am constantly "getting on" to them, and they are in time-out, and in some cases a spanking.   It is like it goes in one ear and out the other.   I just am not sure what to do, and now the thought of homeschooling them is crazy to me.  My 7yo is also bringing all sorts of unpleasant things home from school…. ugh…. My 9yo is in competitive gymnastics and is at the gym about 13 hours right now, and is exhausted going to school then gymnastics… I am feeling bad not homeschooling because of my boys.  Am I just being whiny here?  I would love to hear from those who have dealt with this and what you did.  Also, how long does this stage last??  Surely they will grow out of it soon??? LOL

 

 

 

 

 

[dbmamaz]

One thing I learned a long time ago is that 'normal' boy often feels like 'bad' girl . . . usually your first child is just the best behaved plus you are younger and have all the time in the world, and girls in general ARE quieter and easier.  You have to shift your view of your boys - to see their energy and enthusiasm as healthy instead of wrong.  Can you increase the amount of exercise they get and increase the structure in  your day - this can help.  Sometimes diet (no artificial anything, esp dyes) can help.  But they might never be as easy as your older kids.  My first son had all sorts of issues and was not 'easier' than his sister at the same age until well in to the teen year - when my daughter got really mean and my son finally was very calm - still not self-directing, which his sister was by 10, but at least he's nice.  

 

Anyways, you can leave the kids in school or bring them home, but either way you need to find a way to stop punishing your boys for being themselves, but find more positive ways to get them to blow off steam and engage.  And also be aware if YOU are feeling bad - sometimes if you have a health issue or an emotional issue going on, it is SO much harder to handle the high energy of small boys

[regentrude]

Do your boys have enough of an outlet for their physical energy?

I found that my kids, especially my son, needed a great deal of physical activity. Playing at the park for half an hour does not cut it - several miles of hiking were needed to tire out an elementary school boy. During the school week, we spent several hours actively outside every day; on weekends one entire day was spent hiking or rock climbing. When my kids were still in school, we started our day by walking to school which made a big difference for DS' focus and ability to sit still.

So, I would first evaluate whether your sons have enough opportunities to satisfy their need for movement. It may be that incorporating enough exercise will make them much easier to handle.

 

To answer your question from the title: I believe they must be so "loud and rowdy" because our expectations nowadays are unrealistic. Young male humans are not designed to sit quietly in a house; they are meant to roam around, run,climb trees, wrestle, engage n physical activity. There is nothing wrong with your boys; it's our modern lifestyle that does not take their needs into account.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

One thing I learned a long time ago is that 'normal' boy often feels like 'bad' girl . . . usually your first child is just the best behaved plus you are younger and have all the time in the world, and girls in general ARE quieter and easier.  You have to shift your view of your boys - to see their energy and enthusiasm as healthy instead of wrong.  Can you increase the amount of exercise they get and increase the structure in  your day - this can help.  Sometimes diet (no artificial anything, esp dyes) can help.  But they might never be as easy as your older kids.  My first son had all sorts of issues and was not 'easier' than his sister at the same age until well in to the teen year - when my daughter got really mean and my son finally was very calm - still not self-directing, which his sister was by 10, but at least he's nice.  

 

Anyways, you can leave the kids in school or bring them home, but either way you need to find a way to stop punishing your boys for being themselves, but find more positive ways to get them to blow off steam and engage.  And also be aware if YOU are feeling bad - sometimes if you have a health issue or an emotional issue going on, it is SO much harder to handle the high energy of small boys

 

 

Agreeing. It sounds like they just need more outlets for all the energy they have.

[Garga]

I agree with the PP. Be careful not to think of them as "bad." Expect that they will wiggle nonstop during lessons. I let mine jump on a small trampoline while I read history to them. It's normal.

 

If you have a yard require 15 minute recesses during school every hour or so. Or go on a super fast walk up and down the street a couple of times a day.

 

I've found it's best if I work closely side-by-side with mine. If we do chores together, we all stay in the same room. Then I can get on top of them quickly if they start to spiral out of control.

[mommymonster]

While not breaking new ground, I wholeheartedly agree with the previous posters -- my boys (who are about the same ages as yours) need a ton of physical activity every day or they just can't focus. I'm talking a daily "nature walk" of about one mile, which just happens to magically go past a park. It takes about an hour, but what a well-spent hour. We also have a trampoline and the boys go on an "adventure" walk around the block in the afternoon. 

 

 

[readwithem]

I don't have boys but I can tell you the school where I tutor has TWO outdoor times for all classes (preK-8th grade) every day because they know the boys need that outlet!  I would definitely build in times for your boys to constructively get out their energy.

[KrissiK]

That's just the way they are. They are noisy, messy, obnoxious, etc. With my oldest, every thing he touches breaks, or falls or something. That's just the way they are. Nothing wrong with them! It's funny, but my boys are the oldest, and everyone knows, if it's too quiet, then you'd better check, they're doing something they aren't supposed to. So, I got used to that. But girls are different. I remember the first time it was "too quiet" with my little girls and I rushed into the bedroom. They were playing "night night" with their dolls. So, yes, boys and girls are vastly different.

[Scarlett]

I am currently hiding out in my bedroom avoiding 3 loud boys. 12, 13, and 14.

[wapiti]

I agree with the others about getting them outside a lot, especially if you do homeschool them.  Having them help around the house is another good angle - physical work provides some sort of sensory stimulation and also helps them feel productive, even if they complain.  The spontaneous chasing and wrestling doesn't bother me - I think that's to be expected.

 

My boys are 5, 7, 10 and 10, and sometimes I feel certain the older ones would kill each other if I hs-ed them, as they tend to drive each other nuts (mom!  I can her him breathing!).  However, my dd12 is no angel either, constantly arguing with my older boys.  My dd4 also likes to be in charge, telling ds5 what to do.  At least the dds don't spontaneously wrestle - they spontaneously hug instead  :)

[michaeljenn]

It sounds like I am being whiny...lol And my expectations are a bit too high. When they are being loud, they are usually playing and laughing. They fight, but not too much. When the 7yo is at school, the 4yo asked me to please go get his Aiden:) I know they have a built in best friendship here... My older kids were probably the same way, but I forgot!! Lol. I will say, that they are both sweet boys, and are always making momma a sweet picture. As for discipline, I usually sit and talk to them about why we can't jump off the icebox, or high furniture (lol) because they could get hurt. I rarely spank, because I truly believe that you must get to their heart. I appreciate each one of your responses! It has opened my eyes and reminded me that they are normal little boys and the problem is with me:) We are now getting ready to go to the gym, so they can run and play in the huge childcare area that has a monster playground while mom runs out her stress and can sit In the sauna for a bit of peace and relaxation😅

[Crimson Wife]

Have you ever read anything on Sensory Processing Disorder? My kids underreact to sensory input so I've had to find appropriate ways for them to get the sensory input they crave. Putting them on a "sensory diet" has helped quite a bit with their behavior.

[HS Mom in NC]

I grew up with 3 older brothers.  They were loud.  My mother had strict rules about indoor behavior-indoor voice and no running. If they got loud (good laughing loud or bad obnoxious loud) they had to go outside. We had a farm so they had lots of physical work to do to take the edge off.  My mother got rid of the TV for a while to encourage play, you guessed it, OUTSIDE.

 

I have girls, but my youngest is very loud and rambunctious.  She needs lots of outdoor play every day or gets really bad.  She needs weekly PE and at least 3 days of Tae Kwon Do. 

[tjlcc]

Have you ever read anything on Sensory Processing Disorder? My kids underreact to sensory input so I've had to find appropriate ways for them to get the sensory input they crave. Putting them on a "sensory diet" has helped quite a bit with their behavior.

 

Do you have any particular recommendations for books or sites?

 

Hard work, exercise, and outdoor play are a must here.  Also, very little sugar and processed foods.

[stripe]

Boys are an awful lot of work. Very dear, though. 

[lorisuewho]

I am so glad I had my boys first and my girls second. My girls play quietly and generally speak quietly. I love my boys, but they are not my girls.

 

Maybe a hundred times a day I say, "Why are you wrestling?" "Get off of each other!" "Why are you on top of each other again?" "How about if you just don't touch each other at all?" "There is no running in the house!" "THIS ROOM IS JUST FOR SITTING! Go outside or to the playroom!!" "Why are you at my feet wrestling?" "Could you think of something other than wrestling to do with each other?" "I thought you were playing with Legos. How did this end in wrestling and running?"

[Farrar]

One of my boys just somehow bumped his bottom while playing Wii and came over to get a hug.  He read the title of the thread over my shoulder and declared, "Because we just are.  Duh!"  Snort.

 

I agree with everyone else that most boys are just high energy.  Be patient and find more outlets.  Generally when my boys are being too loud and rowdy for the situation, I send them outside as the "punishment."  I try to keep my expectations tied to specific reasons.  They can't jump on the furniture because it will hurt and break things.  But they can be loud when they're just playing because even if it's mildly annoying to me, it's not hurting anyone.  Of course, if I have a migraine, then the loud rules may have to change.  But it's tied to a reason.  That has always helped us give as much leeway as we can and I think my boys usually respect it and try hard when I do impose a limit - because they see that I'm try to fulfill my end of the bargain and give them as much time to be rowdy as they need.

[Crimson Wife]

Do you have any particular recommendations for books or sites?

Carol Kranowitz's books are good. My mom just gave me "Raising a Sensory Smart Child" by Lindsey Biel and Nancy Peske for Christmas and that looks helpful.

 

There are also some good sensory diet activities in the book "Everyday Activities to Help Your Young Child with Autism" by Debra Jacobs for anyone else dealing with a child "on the spectrum".

[ajfries]

I hear you. I'm an introvert. I like quiet. And I don't have any earthly idea why anyone would find wrestling fun. I adore my boys, I do, but I just don't "get" them. I'm working on it, but yikes. 

 

I was so excited to "get" a girl after having DS1. But she's just as rough & tumble as he is. AND she fake cries. It's horribly obnoxious. :laugh:

 

I've been wanting to read some "boy mom" books. "How Do You Tuck in a Super Hero?" comes to mind. I haven't read it yet, but I'd like to.

[raptor_dad]

Do you have any particular recommendations for books or sites?

 

Hard work, exercise, and outdoor play are a must here.  Also, very little sugar and processed foods.

 

I like "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It has much of the same advice with out focusing on an ill defined "medical" pathology. I believe SPD is real but  the medical approach to it is only appropriate in the most extreme cases. 

[scrapbabe]

I have 4 boys and no girls. I'm chuckling because I've never known any different. I have no one calm to compare my boys too. I thought raising kids was just crazy. I didn't know it's because they're all boys. ;)

[mhaddon]

My boys have started to settle down, that is until they are around other kids and feel the need to show off. For the most part... however, around the "witching hour" they seem to get everyone up running around and playing. It's hard, boys have so much more energy, that's why I send mine outside to play a lot :)

[Mandylubug]

My girls wrestle the most, are the loudest, burp the most. They are my handful of energy typically. Boys are typically, quiet and not running through my house like a tornado and don't change clothes 3 times a day!

[Mandylubug]

Thanks for mentioning this! Neither of my boys are into wrestling, being loud, or burping, but people assume girls aren't ever into that. I myself was very much liked burping contests. LOL

I can still beat my older brothers in a burping contest B-)

[boscopup]

I have 3 boys. It does get loud. I remind them several times a day to use their inside voice, go outside of they want to be loud, etc. :) Jumping on furniture is not allowed. Again, I'll send them outside if they're that rowdy. Sometimes I have them run laps around the very large back yard. They think that's fun.

 

I agree with physical chores being very helpful. I'm thankful we live on a farm, so there is a bit more physical work to do, like hauling hay (they climb up into the loft and toss down bales). Even carrying baskets of laundry or pulling weeds from the flower beds is good physical work for them.

 

I find that my most rowdy kid does best on school days. He needs both mental and physical exercise (much like my German Shepherd Dogs! :lol:). Thankfully, they have quickly learned that Mommy is quite serious that there be no playing around during school work. When school is over, they can run around and be crazy. ;)

[MomintheMountains]

I have 4 boys and no girls. I'm chuckling because I've never known any different. I have no one calm to compare my boys too. I thought raising kids was just crazy. I didn't know it's because they're all boys. ;)

Hehe. Me too. Five boys here, no girls. What is this "quiet" that people speak of? When I simply can't take it any more, I send them outside. We live in the mountains and I am very thankful because they have room to roam. There is always a tree to climb, a puddle to splash in, a field to toss the ball in, or a foot of snow to build a snow fort with. When all else fails, I send them outside to chop wood.

[Miss Marple]

Lol!  I'm sorry you're finding the boys' activity disconcerting.  I've raised 4 boys and remember well the noise and activity level.  I had 2 sisters so this boy thing was really new to me.  But it became my "normal".  A dear friend had 3 girls and asked me once why boys don't just sit and play quietly with GI Joe.  I asked her if she had any idea *who* GI Joe was and what he did.  He hurls himself from rooftops, rides on the top of tanks, etc.  Those are not quiet activities.

 

FWIW, we have never had a broken limb or a broken window.  For the life of me, I don't know how we've been so lucky.  Tonight they are all at their oldest brother's home playing board games.  I elected to stay home and enjoy the peace and quiet.  Although still noisy and argumentative, they are the sweetest 4 fellas you'll ever meet and are happiest when they are all together.  Love your boys as they are, try to civilize them (manners, dress, etc.), and by all means establish ground rules for the home.  But at the same time realize they are not like your girls...and embrace the difference.  It's OK to stretch our introvert wings :)

 

 

[Kerrie in VA]

My boys also have very high energy. I wanted to help them embrace this. Seven years ago before my oldest son turned five, I started waking him up at 5:30 in the morning to run two miles before breakfast and school. At first we would run a block then walk a block and built up the endurance from there. It only took about a half hour each morning.

As each boy got old enough they would join us. I was not a runner at the time but looking for a healthy habit for them to handle their energy. It had a remarkable affect on their attitudes toward school and their cooperation during school time. They all seem to enjoy running now. It also helps if I keep them on a firm schedule. They eat breakfast and practice piano after the run and must start school work by 7 a.m., working with the oldest first, but they usually finish by lunch leaving the afternoons free to head outdoors.

[RoundAbout]

I really agree with the idea of lots of physical activity. During Kindergarten last year we spent every Monday doing a 15 mile bike ride - 7.5 miles to the beach for play and lunch, then 7.5 miles back on his little bike. He was 5. We also did one group hike per week, and a moutain biking session. He probably needed much more, but my DH was deployed and I didnt have the energy to do those things 7 days a week.

 

So yeah, I agree that 30 minutes on the playground doesn't cut it for some kids. I sometimes get a taste for what things might have been like 100 years ago for kids when we do our group campouts with our nature club. There are a ton of kids and they run absolutely wild ALL DAY inventing their own games working out conflicts without adult intervention and wearing themselves out until they collapse in their sleeping bags after night fall. This seems way more natural for kids' bodies and brains, but hard to replicate in the suburban life that most of us live today.

[Rosie_0801]

I think God had boys in mind when he invented the world. It was the Garden of Eden, not the Lounge Room of Eden...

[MotherOfBoys]

The boys woke me up with a nerf gun battle this morning. My youngest was screaming "mommy it won't shoot help he's going to shoot us!" 

 

In the summer it's breakfast and then directly outside where they have to stay. In the winter I bought a pogo stick, trampoline, and Fisher price climbing thing for the basement. I don't know what we would do without our unfinished basement. I bring the bikes in in the winter to ride around down there. 

 

We also have mandatory shovel the driveway days.

[HS Mom in NC]

My biological brother is 11 months and 3 days older than me.  My step-brothers, who were in the custody of my step-dad and lived with us from the time he married my mom when my bio-brother and I were 3 and 4, are almost 10 years older than me. 

 

FWIW, we have never had a broken limb or a broken window.  For the life of me, I don't know how we've been so lucky.  Tonight they are all at their oldest brother's home playing board games.  I elected to stay home and enjoy the peace and quiet.  Although still noisy and argumentative, they are the sweetest 4 fellas you'll ever meet and are happiest when they are all together.  Love your boys as they are, try to civilize them (manners, dress, etc.), and by all means establish ground rules for the home.  But at the same time realize they are not like your girls...and embrace the difference.  It's OK to stretch our introvert wings :)

 

They did everything from jumping off of rooftops playing Batman, playing dirt clod/dried horse and cow manure wars, sailing horse toughs down irrigation canals, pulling sunken horse troughs out of canals, setting off illegal fireworks, racing cockroaches and killing the losers, catching lizards and losing them in the house, throwing a cat off the roof onto a trampoline, catching bull snakes and releasing them into gopher holes, shooting at each other with BB guns, and other such testosterone fueled madness.

 

My bio brother was the one to have all the injuries.  In his younger teen years he was hit by a car while cycling, ruptured a testicle while wrestling with a friend (a year later they were wrestling again and said friend's arm got broken,) hit by a car while driving and had to have chunks of safety glass pulled out of his face by a very good plastic surgeon and sent his arm through a window that was sitting next to the church's building site when the wheelbarrow he was pushing fell over next to it.  There was an insurance fraud investigation started, but of course he really had been injured so it all worked out.  He's fine.  He has a son.  Bones heal, chicks dig scars and glory is forever. 

 

Now all of my brothers live near each other in the suburbs and play video games at each other's houses or online until 2 am during vacations.  We go up to the snow sometimes and have an ongoing croquet tournament (not as sophisticated as it sounds) battling for the world's ugliest trophy several times a year. 

 

When my husband won it one Thanksgiving one of them (they've taken a blood oath to never reveal the criminal mastermind behind it) slipped out of the house with it and later that day a ransom note made of letters and headless mannequins cut from magazines warning us "No cops or the trophy gets it!" showed up at our front door.  This ain't my first rodeo, so we got into their houses under false pretenses over the following week and stole all their remotes. The marital strife caused was well worth it.  The trophy reappeared shortly thereafter. 

 

So OP, it's insane now but the crazy will die down a bit and the grandkids will think your side of the family is the most fun. Many families are like the two in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  The Greek side is loud, large, and little  looney and then there's the WASPy side that's nice and neat and boring.  My side is definitely like the Greek side.

 

All my SILs and my mom are getting together this Sunday to watch Downtown Abbey and the guys are going to go do their usual guy stuff.  We send them off to do whatever while we watch chick flicks like Act of Valor.  

 

 

 

[michaeljenn]

I have really enjoyed reading everyones replies!! LOL  I am in good company!

[Miss Marple]

 

LOL!  I'm finding out, well after the fact(s), what the boys have actually done that I have not seen (and I've seen plenty). Sometimes it's better not to know.  I think my boys have some super guardian angels with special powers :p

 

We are taking a ski trip soon and I always get anxious before going.  I lay in bed and all the horrible possibilities of injury/death loom large in my mind.  I just have to rely on those angels, I guess.  What's really sad is that I'm the one that has had 2 concussions in the past 3 years - they haven't had any injuries...recently.  Lots of stitches when they were young, though.

[Miss Marple]

I have really enjoyed reading everyones replies!! LOL  I am in good company!

Really, 4 and 7 yobs just need outlets for their energy.  We had a pool, trampoline, basketball goal, tetherball, sandbox, skateboards, scooters, pogo sticks, etc.  And often I made them run laps around the outside of the house.  The hardest part of it, for me, was learning to be creative in funneling their energy.  It was often easier to just yell at them or punish them when in reality, the best "discipline" was to guide them to another outlet.  We also played city league basketball and baseball and private indoor hockey.  

 

The boys don't see that their behavior is "bad".  It's just normal for them and when we criticize them, it can confuse them.  We had rules inside the house and outside rules as well.  Mostly those were to avoid loss of life, limb, or property...not so much for my comfort.  Chores are very important IMO - not just in order to help out, but to establish good habits and routine.  My boys were much better behaved when we followed a routine (esp, when young).  They learned to clean their bathroom - from wiping down the sink/toilet with Lysol wipes when young to doing a thorough cleaning when they were older.  They could make their beds, take their breakfast dishes back to the kitchen, empty trashes, etc.  

 

Best wishes as you make your homeschooling decisions :)

[ScoutTN]

Boys are boys. Give them lots of activity and love them for who they are. Don't expect them to be girls. That is what school typically does. 

 

Personally, I find it easier to deal with my loud and wiggly boy most of the time than my girl and her drama! 

 

 

[happypamama]

I am so glad I had my boys first and my girls second. My girls play quietly and generally speak quietly. I love my boys, but they are not my girls.

 

Maybe a hundred times a day I say, "Why are you wrestling?" "Get off of each other!" "Why are you on top of each other again?" "How about if you just don't touch each other at all?" "There is no running in the house!" "THIS ROOM IS JUST FOR SITTING! Go outside or to the playroom!!" "Why are you at my feet wrestling?" "Could you think of something other than wrestling to do with each other?" "I thought you were playing with Legos. How did this end in wrestling and running?"

 

Yeah.  That's my life.  Times two, and add a girl too.  She doesn't wrestle, but she's not quiet.  In fact, my quietest children are two of my boys.  But even the quiet boys still wrestle and run and everything.  Even the four-month-old is a mover and wiggler.

 

It IS a challenge to get them enough exercise in the winter.  We have a large yard, with plenty to do in it, but we also live on a ridge, and the wind is bitterly cold in the winter.  We don't really have a good spot for a trampoline inside, although it would be nice.  I'm really not sure what I'm going to do, but next year, when it's four boys running around, well, yikes!

[Caribbean Queen]

I don't think you're being whiny and I don't think you should put up with it until they grow up because 'boys will be boys.'  There are a lot of people on this board who do not want their children to be obedient to them.  They do not believe their children are capable of being obedient and/or they do not believe they have the authority to expect obedience. They are comforted by knowing that others people are putting up with the same annoying behaviour that they put up with from their children.  At the risk of annoying those people (again), I will say that many parents have well behaved children BECAUSE they taught their children to be well behaved.  Some people have children who are very pleasant to be around.  I am one of them.  I bet you could be one too.

 

I once heard a story about a general who ordered some of his troops to march off a cliff to their deaths - and they did it!  The enemy was so frightened by that display of power that it surrendered without a fight.  I figure if a man can have so much power over hundreds of men - Can make men willingly die for him -  surely I can figure out a way to make my two year old keep his swimsuit on at the beach.  Ha!  Surely, you can figure out a way to teach your 4 and 7 year olds not to jump off the ice box, act like they hate each other etc. 

 

 

[NASDAQ]

I once heard a story about a general who ordered some of his troops to march off a cliff to their deaths - and they did it!  The enemy was so frightened by that display of power that it surrendered without a fight.  I figure if a man can have so much power over hundreds of men - Can make men willingly die for him -  surely I can figure out a way to make my two year old keep his swimsuit on at the beach.  Ha!  Surely, you can figure out a way to teach your 4 and 7 year olds not to jump off the ice box, act like they hate each other etc. 

 

Are you familiar with origin of the verb, "to decimate"? A general has tools in his arsenal not available to the modern mother, I hope.

 

Most people here are able, by hook or by crook, to make their child do just about anything. I could hit my child or blanket train him or insist that he sit at the table until he ate dinner. I'm not any less capable of doing these things than anyone else. We're not all willing to do what may be necessary to do to our two-year-old what would make him obey reliably, especially if we can wait it out and have a pleasant slightly-older child.

[Rosie_0801]

Oh, come on. There's a big difference between believing testosterone has a function and one must work with it and believing boys were put on earth to be ferals and trash their mother's houses.

[T'smom]

I have one boy and one girl and I haven't found many differences between them (at their young ages). My dd can hold her own against her older brother and is often the one instigating the wrestling and stuff. They both run and scream a LOT. My dd was climbing to the top of playground equipment by 12 months. She actually causes more destruction because she has a personality that wants to really investigate how things work.....so she takes them apart. I have been told that they are exceptionally energetic children, but I don't really have anything to compare them to.

 

It is impossible to get them adequate exercise in the winter. In the summer, they bike ride and swim for hours every day, but it is just not possible in the winter. It's too far to drive to a YMCA or such and it is COLD outside. We do have an unfinished basement, but it's not as large as I'd like.

 

My dh is one of a set of all boy triplets and the stories they tell make me wonder how they all made it to adulthood. At Christmas, they all took the kids outside and pulled them on sleds behind a golf cart. I couldn't watch. But the kids sure had fun.

[HS Mom in NC]

Just a thought when it comes to extreme weather.

 

I've been watching Alaska: The Final Frontier on Netflix.  People go outside in very cold weather.  They just need the proper clothing and boots.  I'm a dabbler when it comes to snow as I live in the PHX area and have to drive northeast for 3 hours to get to high country with snow, but we manage to take day trips where the weather is 19 degrees and we sled all day then drive home.  I assume there are cases where they're no way kids can play outside in below 0 temperatures, or when the snow and wind are bad, but does that mean there are no times a child can play out in the backyard in winter?

 

I ask because I'm noticing a cultural shift here when it comes to extreme heat in AZ.  Kids who grew up here in the 80s and earlier were expected to play outside even when it was 110 degrees and hotter.  We sat in the shade, played with the hose, threw water balloons at each other, sat on the porch with a fan blowing on us and ate popsicles-even the neighbor kid who had that genetic disorder where he had no sweat glands.  We managed to play in our backyards all summer long.  Now there are parents here (including my youngest daughter's best friend's parents across the street) who won't ALLOW their children to play outside during the day in the summer because they're afraid of heat stroke. How do they think we all survived? Another neighbor doesn't let her kids outside in the summer unless they're swimming so we only see them in fall, winter, and spring.  I can only imagine how stir crazy their kids must be during our 6 months of summer here.

Is it possible this is happening in snow country too?  Is it possible my extreme lack of experience with snow makes me misunderstand something about living in cold weather?

[Rosie_0801]

We play outside here in summer, we just don't do too much of it between 11 and 3, for the most part.

[FloridaLisa]

I have 5 boys and 2 girls.  My boys have been the easiest to raise in many ways!  Yes, they are loud (outside; I don't allow LOUD from anyone inside) and rowdy and physical and competitive . . . and funny, easily forgiving, no drama, real, hardworking and love their mamas!   I have found it very helpful to, as others have said, make sure they have a positive outlet for all of that energy and testosterone.  Outside play is essential and organized sports are excellent when they are older.  Give them projects (chop the wood, take down the old fence, haul off the Christmas tree) and then praise them for their hard work.  Boys are younger MEN and they (IME) are essentially driven by the same thing:

 

1) physical outlet for energy

2) good food

3) respect for their hard work

 

I have also found it immensely helpful to read books about boys, the way they think, the way they learn, and how to parent boys.  (Meg Meeker has a new book on boys for instance.)

 

Hope some of this helps.  I think many times we girls don't get boys and assume their behavior is WRONG and must be stopped.  In reality, it's who they are and, if trained and guided, will help them become great men one day.

 

Lisa 

[leeannpal]

I only have one child, a girl, and she is anything but quiet. She's loud, active and constantly on the go. I don't think I would know what to do with a quiet, demure little girl.

[ajfries]

I have 5 boys and 2 girls.  My boys have been the easiest to raise in many ways!  Yes, they are loud (outside; I don't allow LOUD from anyone inside) and rowdy and physical and competitive . . . and funny, easily forgiving, no drama, real, hardworking and love their mamas!   I have found it very helpful to, as others have said, make sure they have a positive outlet for all of that energy and testosterone.  Outside play is essential and organized sports are excellent when they are older.  Give them projects (chop the wood, take down the old fence, haul off the Christmas tree) and then praise them for their hard work.  Boys are younger MEN and they (IME) are essentially driven by the same thing:

 

1) physical outlet for energy

2) good food

3) respect for their hard work

 

I have also found it immensely helpful to read books about boys, the way they think, the way they learn, and how to parent boys.  (Meg Meeker has a new book on boys for instance.)

 

Hope some of this helps.  I think many times we girls don't get boys and assume their behavior is WRONG and must be stopped.  In reality, it's who they are and, if trained and guided, will help them become great men one day.

 

Lisa 

 

I completely agree. My oldest boy is 5 and although there is no doubt he is ACTIVE, he is also very well behaved. He's sensitive to the feelings of others and he just "gets" things.  I'll check out Meg Meeker but I would love to hear more book recommendations!

 

[Caribbean Queen]

 

Most people here are able, by hook or by crook, to make their child do just about anything. I could hit my child or blanket train him or insist that he sit at the table until he ate dinner. I'm not any less capable of doing these things than anyone else. We're not all willing to do what may be necessary to do to our two-year-old what would make him obey reliably, especially if we can wait it out and have a pleasant slightly-older child.

 

When my toddler won't wear pants in public, instead of thinking, "Oh well.  Boys will be boys.  One day he'll grow out of it, "  I think, "I can figure out how to teach him to wear pants." 

 

I recommend the OP think, "I can teach my children not to jump off the ice box,"  not, "Boys will be boys."

 

I have not talked about requiring any controversial, questionable or unreasonable things from children, like blanket training or eating all your dinner.  I talked about rules that are very sensible and easy to follow, i.e. wearing pants. 

 

I have not talked about HOW I got my children to obey.  I promise you I did not do anything you would find abusive in order to get my toddler to stop running naked on the beach.  It wasn't like, "By hook or by crook I'll do ANYTHING, no matter how rough and horrible, to make him obey!"  Basically, I kept putting his pants back on.

 

Parents are wrong to use harsh punishments and to tell their children to do unreasonable things.  Parents are right to teach their children not to jump off the fridge. 

[Caribbean Queen]

Getting a kid to wear pants is pretty small potatoes.

 

I get you.  I'm sure you have found ways to get your kids to do stuff.  But some people don't always manage to get their kids to do every single thing immediately (or even after trying a lot of things).  It's not fair to make it sound like the parent has all the control and it's just a matter of exercising said control.  Just telling people they can make their kids do stuff is not helpful.

 

Getting them not to jump off the ice box is small potatoes too.

 

Saying, "You don't have to put up with that.  You can figure this out, and make this better," IS encouraging. 

I would much rather think that way than, "I guess I have to put up with this until they grow up and move out."

 

Most likely, if the OP puts her mind to it, she CAN teach her kids not to jump off the fridge.  And she can do it in a way that is not mean or abusive at all.  You disagree?

[T'smom]

Just a thought when it comes to extreme weather.

 

I've been watching Alaska: The Final Frontier on Netflix. People go outside in very cold weather. They just need the proper clothing and boots. I'm a dabbler when it comes to snow as I live in the PHX area and have to drive northeast for 3 hours to get to high country with snow, but we manage to take day trips where the weather is 19 degrees and we sled all day then drive home. I assume there are cases where they're no way kids can play outside in below 0 temperatures, or when the snow and wind are bad, but does that mean there are no times a child can play out in the backyard in winter?

 

I ask because I'm noticing a cultural shift here when it comes to extreme heat in AZ. Kids who grew up here in the 80s and earlier were expected to play outside even when it was 110 degrees and hotter. We sat in the shade, played with the hose, threw water balloons at each other, sat on the porch with a fan blowing on us and ate popsicles-even the neighbor kid who had that genetic disorder where he had no sweat glands. We managed to play in our backyards all summer long. Now there are parents here (including my youngest daughter's best friend's parents across the street) who won't ALLOW their children to play outside during the day in the summer because they're afraid of heat stroke. How do they think we all survived? Another neighbor doesn't let her kids outside in the summer unless they're swimming so we only see them in fall, winter, and spring. I can only imagine how stir crazy their kids must be during our 6 months of summer here.

 

Is it possible this is happening in snow country too? Is it possible my extreme lack of experience with snow makes me misunderstand something about living in cold weather?

You're right. My youngest is too little to be outside unsupervised and I am not going out in the cold to supervise her. My oldest wouldn't go play by himself for more than 15 minutes. They do get to play outside when dad comes home. There is no way to overstate how much I hate being cold. But even if they were outside, they wouldn't be getting the amount of exercise they need. Building a snowman just isn't as active as riding a bike. It's cumbersome to run in snow pants. But it does boil down to my unwillingness to put forth the effort to take them outside.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

My two nieces are visiting. They are not calm nor quiet. They are wrestling with my boys too.