Why must boys be so loud and rowdy? Am I alone here?

[MomintheMountains]

Caribbean Queen, I think you are misunderstanding what we are saying about our boys. Boys are not girls. They tend to need a lot of physical outlets. You have to channel their energy properly. I personally receive a lot of complements about my boys' behavior. I think is because they are disciplined appropriately... meaning they are disciplined for truly inappropriate behavior, NOT for being who God made them to be. I think the pendulum has swung too far to compensate for the sexism that has existed in our society. Boys are now scorned for normal boy behavior. It is very sad.

[Caribbean Queen]

I can't quote for some reason.  Mominthe Mountains, I see what you are saying. 

 

Sparkly Unicorn, I know this board is likely to tell a person to resign themselves to being fat, which is why I say, "You can lose weight.  I did it.  You can do it too."  Although I can't give them an easy, foolproof formula for weight loss, I can tell them what I've done to lose weight.  I will tell if asked.  Most likely no one will ask.  My position is not so popular on this board.  (I am really talking about parental discipline here.)

[Miss Marple]

When my toddler won't wear pants in public, instead of thinking, "Oh well.  Boys will be boys.  One day he'll grow out of it, "  I think, "I can figure out how to teach him to wear pants." 

 

I recommend the OP think, "I can teach my children not to jump off the ice box,"  not, "Boys will be boys."

 

I have not talked about requiring any controversial, questionable or unreasonable things from children, like blanket training or eating all your dinner.  I talked about rules that are very sensible and easy to follow, i.e. wearing pants. 

 

I have not talked about HOW I got my children to obey.  I promise you I did not do anything you would find abusive in order to get my toddler to stop running naked on the beach.  It wasn't like, "By hook or by crook I'll do ANYTHING, no matter how rough and horrible, to make him obey!"  Basically, I kept putting his pants back on.

 

Parents are wrong to use harsh punishments and to tell their children to do unreasonable things.  Parents are right to teach their children not to jump off the fridge. 

From my own experience, I would guess that jumping off the ice box is not a routine occurrence.  It probably is one of those things that happened that was unexpected by the OP.  I would also imagine, as she stated, that she sat them down and discussed why they could not do that.

 

My point is that boys (and probably most kids those ages) are very literal.  They also don't extrapolate one behavior to another...hence, they might try jumping off the bunk beds even though they were told not to jump off the ice box.  Boys are motivated by challenge (in general) and a mom has to keep one step ahead of the kids and try to head off any potential issues.  That might be hard for a mom who has had girls who do not behave in that manner (although they have other "bad" behaviors that many women excuse with "well it's just her time of month").  I haven't read anyone advocating letting the OPs boys destroy her home or continue in bad behavior.  I have read recommendations to make sure they have enough "good" outlets for their physical behavior.  I would guess that we all would try to figure out some way to keep our boys' pants on in public :) but sometimes that training takes time and one needs ideas to cope as the child matures and learns proper behavior.  Parenting would be oh so easy if only the kids would do what we say when we say it and extrapolate advice to other similar situations. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone has kids like that. It is a process and sometimes getting through that process with one's sanity is difficult.

[Garga]

All the posts about wrestling reminds me of my first job.

 

I was an only child, a girl. I was also a very home-body type of girl. I would read books and play silently in my room for hours.

 

Then I got a job on an Army base (I was a civilian) in the mailroom. Every single day, without warning, the guys would randomly tackle each other and wrestle each other to the ground. They were between 19-30 years old.

 

I was shocked and horrified and frightened. They loved it and had a blast at work, tackling and wresting. They'd get up and slap each other on the backs. A few hours later a different set of guys would tackle and wrestle.

[michaeljenn]

I don't think you're being whiny and I don't think you should put up with it until they grow up because 'boys will be boys.'  There are a lot of people on this board who do not want their children to be obedient to them.  They do not believe their children are capable of being obedient and/or they do not believe they have the authority to expect obedience. They are comforted by knowing that others people are putting up with the same annoying behaviour that they put up with from their children.  At the risk of annoying those people (again), I will say that many parents have well behaved children BECAUSE they taught their children to be well behaved.  Some people have children who are very pleasant to be around.  I am one of them.  I bet you could be one too.

 

I once heard a story about a general who ordered some of his troops to march off a cliff to their deaths - and they did it!  The enemy was so frightened by that display of power that it surrendered without a fight.  I figure if a man can have so much power over hundreds of men - Can make men willingly die for him -  surely I can figure out a way to make my two year old keep his swimsuit on at the beach.  Ha!  Surely, you can figure out a way to teach your 4 and 7 year olds not to jump off the ice box, act like they hate each other etc. 

 

I do enjoy being around my boys, as do most people.  I was talking about "energy" and "being boys" in general.  I have seen families with boys who are very quiet and calm… I probably would be too due to fear of the parents.  LOL  I am not interested in making my boys be completely compliant to me out of fear.  I believe there is a balance. That does not mean that I allow my boys to rule my household either, because they don't, but they do require more training then my girls do, because they are boys, and boys will be boys:).  I am not saying that is what you are doing, but the second paragraph is a bit of a stretch. LOL  They don't act like they hate each other, it is more of a love/hate relationship.  As I said, when the 7yo is not at home, the 4yo begs for me to go get him.  They love each other very much, and enjoy playing "very loudly" together.  lol

 

I have really observed the boys the past few days after I started this thread…… and in reality, they are just boys.  They are just loud boys.  Yes, they start getting a bit rowdy and furniture is involved and I have to gently remind them that they are to stay off of the furniture, and they do.  I don't expect complete perfection from my kiddo's because Lord knows I am not perfect.  LOL  

 

This topic has been able to show me that my boys are very normal, and that my personality likes a quiet environment…. but on the other hand, I love hearing them play and laugh.  I cannot expect my boys to be completely quiet all the time.   They know how to behave in public, or at other peoples houses….. but when we are home, they have a comfort level because they are home.  I do believe my children are pleasant to be around…. but I guess that depends… do they sit with their hands cuffed on the sofa smiling being still… no, they don't… and I won't require that of them.  However, they ask before they play with others toys and are great about cleaning up before leaving.  I DO believe my boys are pleasant to be around… and when other little rowdy boys come to my house, I enjoy them being here, even if they are loud and run into the house to get more army men and run outside to the top of the treehouse:) I DON"T find that behavior annoying, It puts a smile on my face because they are having fun.   :)

 

Oh…. and as for the icebox episode, it happened one time… I just used that particular example for fun.. 

[michaeljenn]

Caribbean Queen, I think you are misunderstanding what we are saying about our boys. Boys are not girls. They tend to need a lot of physical outlets. You have to channel their energy properly. I personally receive a lot of complements about my boys' behavior. I think is because they are disciplined appropriately... meaning they are disciplined for truly inappropriate behavior, NOT for being who God made them to be. I think the pendulum has swung too far to compensate for the sexism that has existed in our society. Boys are now scorned for normal boy behavior. It is very sad.

 

I agree:) 

[Elisabet1]

Because if they were not loud and rowdy, they would be sitting around being emotional and catty.

 

I know that sounds sexist, but, unfortunately, it is very true. 

[Walking-Iris]

I have a mix in my home. My oldest ds has Asperger's and oddly enough is my easiest child. Always has been. He's artsy and likes to read and think and draw. He'll still snuggle up and have conversations with me or just sit quietly with me. He has all of the sensory/physical and social traits of Asperger's but none of the outbursts. He can get weepy. But generally he's a happy sweet kid. Behavior or discipline is not our issue, but the harder to explain right now ASD symptoms.

 

My 6 year old ds however-----is all boy! Constant movement, constant busyness, constant talking, loud!

 

I find that he needs a lot of hard work to be happy. He's not really content to sit still and look at books or work a puzzle. It's been a trial getting him to understand quiet times or inside voices.  He likes real work. Which is helpful in that he's my laundry basket hauler, leaf raker, water toter, compost mixer, wheelbarrow pusher, log mover, car washer, fence painter, and so on. He's always underfoot when any real adultish work is being done and is not happy unless we find a way to include him. I can always count on him to help, IF he's interested. And i can always count on him being in the way of any plumber, electrician, contractor that comes in my house! LOL.

 

I find winter months intolerable and it's usually harder to keep him happy when it's cold and miserable outside. He's also my emotional one. My rowdy boy is more likely to burst into tears and exclaim "no one loves me!!" than my dd is. and he's more likely than any of my other children to "backtalk". My DH claims middle child syndrome. Which I feel birth order definitely plays a role in kid's personality. 

 

My dd isn't the typical girl I hear people comment about. She's also very busy, but I've noticed she's more of a tag along with her brother. If he's being loud and rowdy, she needs to be too. When she's not much interested in him she's usually pretty quiet and content to play with her dolls and play kitchen. 

 

She definitely has a tomboy" streak. Could be genetic (I was/am) or it could be from having two brothers. I have noticed that the idea that girls develop faster has played out here. She's accomplished things my boys took longer to do. 

 

I don't think boy/girl gender behavior has much a part in this as personality and parenting. I've known girls who drove me crazy with their constant talking and rowdiness, girls who were just plain brats, and I've known boys who were the same. I've also met girls and boys who were not the stereotypical assumptions. 

 

I try not to let my ds get away with driving us nuts just because he's a boy. I get that he has a large personality, but I attribute it to him, not boys in general, and obviously still try to teach him appropriate behavior and the idea that there is a time and place for certain things. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Elisabet1]

I have a mix in my home. My oldest ds has Asperger's and oddly enough is my easiest child. Always has been. He's artsy and likes to read and think and draw. He'll still snuggle up and have conversations with me or just sit quietly with me. He has all of the sensory/physical and social traits of Asperger's but none of the outbursts. He can get weepy. But generally he's a happy sweet kid. Behavior or discipline is not our issue, but the harder to explain right now ASD symptoms.

 

My 6 year old ds however-----is all boy! Constant movement, constant busyness, constant talking, loud!

 

I find that he needs a lot of hard work to be happy. He's not really content to sit still and look at books or work a puzzle. It's been a trial getting him to understand quiet times or inside voices.  He likes real work. Which is helpful in that he's my laundry basket hauler, leaf raker, water toter, compost mixer, wheelbarrow pusher, log mover, car washer, fence painter, and so on. He's always underfoot when any real adultish work is being done and is not happy unless we find a way to include him. I can always count on him to help, IF he's interested. And i can always count on him being in the way of any plumber, electrician, contractor that comes in my house! LOL.

 

I find winter months intolerable and it's usually harder to keep him happy when it's cold and miserable outside. He's also my emotional one. My rowdy boy is more likely to burst into tears and exclaim "no one loves me!!" than my dd is. and he's more likely than any of my other children to "backtalk". My DH claims middle child syndrome. Which I feel birth order definitely plays a role in kid's personality. 

 

My dd isn't the typical girl I hear people comment about. She's also very busy, but I've noticed she's more of a tag along with her brother. If he's being loud and rowdy, she needs to be too. When she's not much interested in him she's usually pretty quiet and content to play with her dolls and play kitchen. 

 

She definitely has a tomboy" streak. Could be genetic (I was/am) or it could be from having two brothers. I have noticed that the idea that girls develop faster has played out here. She's accomplished things my boys took longer to do. 

 

I don't think boy/girl gender behavior has much a part in this as personality and parenting. I've known girls who drove me crazy with their constant talking and rowdiness, girls who were just plain brats, and I've known boys who were the same. I've also met girls and boys who were not the stereotypical assumptions. 

 

I try not to let my ds get away with driving us nuts just because he's a boy. I get that he has a large personality, but I attribute it to him, not boys in general, and obviously still try to teach him appropriate behavior and the idea that there is a time and place for certain things. 

My child with Aspergers is my quietest too. 

[Dory]

I grew up with 5 brothers and now have 2 boys of my own. Since my only sister was 7 years younger than me, I hung out with the boys and did stuff with them all the time. I might have tagged along and burped with the best of them, but I never had the level of daredevil type skill that they seemed to. rough housing wasn't allowed in the house ever. We spent most our time outside.

 

I do the same with my boys. My oldest is fairly quiet for a boy, he isn't the rough and tumble, daredevil type of guy I grew up with, but he seems to have a knack for driving his siblings crazy. Even he needs some rough and tumble sometimes though. I find he relaxed more if he gets lots of contact that way, and it's not because he isn't getting lots of contact otherwise. My youngest on the other hand is the type of boy I grew up with. Impulsive, loud, and everything gets an all or nothing approach from him. He's the kid that wants to leap off the top of shelves onto beanbag chairs and launch a sibling onto the bed that way (so glad I caught that before it happened), He convinces his brother to boost him onto the roof so he can slide down it on the snow bank (metal roof, but the screws stick up and would've torn his snow pants to smithereens). He has loads upon loads of energy. we have a rope tied to a hook screwed into stud in our entryway and he swings on that while I read, or plays with legos, kinetic sand, silly putty, play dough, or jumps on the trampoline while I read. Otherwise he misses half of what I say because he has to work too hard to sit still. He is gifted and yet he learns on the go.

 

I'm an introvert, I hate noise and chaos around me. My advise, kick the kids outside to explore and think on their own more. Invest in a quality set of ear plugs or headphones and listen to music.

 

As often as possible, give them a safe alternative or other options rather than just telling them to stop. Always telling them that what they are doing or feeling like doing is wrong, is hard on them, even if you try and do it gently. Giving them an alternative or a different way to approach things lets them feel like they are just fine, they just need to tweak it a little or go at it a different direction. Wrestle, but do it outside, yell, but only outside and not during the evening when it might disturb the neighbours. Jump but only where it's safe to jump. Encourage them to pause and think about how they could improve things or change things.

 

[Aspasia]

I have 5 boys and 2 girls. My boys have been the easiest to raise in many ways! Yes, they are loud (outside; I don't allow LOUD from anyone inside) and rowdy and physical and competitive . . . and funny, easily forgiving, no drama, real, hardworking and love their mamas! I have found it very helpful to, as others have said, make sure they have a positive outlet for all of that energy and testosterone. Outside play is essential and organized sports are excellent when they are older. Give them projects (chop the wood, take down the old fence, haul off the Christmas tree) and then praise them for their hard work. Boys are younger MEN and they (IME) are essentially driven by the same thing:

 

1) physical outlet for energy

2) good food

3) respect for their hard work

 

I have also found it immensely helpful to read books about boys, the way they think, the way they learn, and how to parent boys. (Meg Meeker has a new book on boys for instance.)

 

Hope some of this helps. I think many times we girls don't get boys and assume their behavior is WRONG and must be stopped. In reality, it's who they are and, if trained and guided, will help them become great men one day.

 

Lisa

This is great advice.

 

My MIL raised seven boys (dh is the oldest of them, and has one older sister). I grew up with this family, so I had the opportunity to watch her with all those boys for many, many years. The biggest thing--those boys spent about 80% of their waking hours outside. That's just how it was. MIL is known for her very clean house and very organized ways, and she did this with eight kids! The only way she did it was putting those kids outside. :)

 

And yes, lots and lots of work. These boys did their own yard work. Their parents farmed them out to do other people's yard work. They shoveled driveways/sidewalks, they helped move people in and out. And they are all wonderfully hardworking, productive, selfless men now. Some are still loud, too. ;)

[HS Mom in NC]

This is great advice.

 

My MIL raised seven boys (dh is the oldest of them, and has one older sister). I grew up with this family, so I had the opportunity to watch her with all those boys for many, many years. The biggest thing--those boys spent about 80% of their waking hours outside. That's just how it was. MIL is known for her very clean house and very organized ways, and she did this with eight kids! The only way she did it was putting those kids outside. :)

 

And yes, lots and lots of work. These boys did their own yard work. Their parents farmed them out to do other people's yard work. They shoveled driveways/sidewalks, they helped move people in and out. And they are all wonderfully hardworking, productive, selfless men now. Some are still loud, too. ;)

 

When my brothers got rowdy or wrestling matches got out of control my step-dad would say, "This is a right-handed shovel" and hand it to the oldest "and these are left-handed shovels." and hand them to the other two. They shoveled irrigation ditches and manure.  They shoveled piles of dirt into holes in the dirt road we lived on. At one point, just for fun, they dug a surprisingly large,deep hole where the backyard met the field. 

 

We had what was known as a "kabonger" which is used for digging post holes or setting post holes...I forget which. It was big and heavy and burned restless energy up very quickly.  We all pulled weeds, mowed lawns with a push mower, used the weed eater, moved hay bales around, took river rock from the river then laid it in the driveway and shoveled gravel and dirt on top of that. We all did dishes, laundry, housework and cooked. We had huge, mature, irrigated mulberry trees that had to be trimmed (with a chainsaw) far less frequently than my mother required us to do it.  Same with the shrubbery all over the property.   Were we kids restless and bored lately?  Must be, all the bushes and trees have been trimmed and the yard refuse loaded and hauled AGAIN.

 

Sitting around getting antsy wasn't something that happened often, and when it did my mother had a supernatural gift for making up chores on the fly to get lazy, obnoxious, idle kids busy. We learned early to NEVER tell our parents were were bored. We learned to never look idle or there would be extra work to do.  We never did it badly or we'd get extra because we, "needed more practice." We never fought in front of them because we'd have a new piles of work to do.

[LMD]

We play outside here in summer, we just don't do too much of it between 11 and 3, for the most part.

:iagree:

 

Yesterday was hot.  We watched some movies.  Then at very nearly 3pm (I couldn't last another minute) I sent them outside for icy-poles & water fights!

 

 

For the OP - I struggle to relate to my boys in a similar way.  It's not exactly the boisterousness/energy that bothers me, it's the fighting and breaking things!  I distinctly remember my older son smashing a chair on the ground, just because.  I took my middle son to the ER because he jumped off a chair & split his lip (he often does crazier things but had been lucky!).  DH assures me they need responsibility, work & structure - we bought 20acres lol!.  I'd add supervision!  I only had a sister so these boys are little adorable aliens to me!

 

But yes, my nearly 7 & nearly 4 year old boys drive me mad.  Yesterday the younger nearly drowned the older in the bath  :huh:  :svengo:

[boscopup]

For the OP - I struggle to relate to my boys in a similar way.  It's not exactly the boisterousness/energy that bothers me, it's the fighting and breaking things!  I distinctly remember my older son smashing a chair on the ground, just because.  I took my middle son to the ER because he jumped off a chair & split his lip (he often does crazier things but had been lucky!). 

 

The destruction is what drives me nuts! They are learning, but it's slow progress. Every toy must be destroyed as part of play, and of course that gets little pieces every where that are hard to clean up, and they attempt to whine when I make them clean up. :tongue_smilie: Really, when you're done playing with a Lego building, you don't have to instantly blow it up into a million pieces!

 

Speaking of jumping off stuff... A few years back, my kids watched the Mythbusters episode where they were jumping off a building like they do in the movies. They had set up a safety mattress thingy at the bottom to land on. Well, after watching this, I later find my boys setting up a wicker basket of stuffed animals at the bottom of the stairs! :eek: I put an end to that before it started, thankfully! We had a discussion about how the show says, "Do not try this at home." They didn't try it again at home; however.... Later in the week, we went to Walmart. We had DS1's hockey bag in the van where one of the middle row captain's chairs would normally be. As I was getting baby into a sling, the older boys started jumping off the back seat onto the hockey bag - recreating that myth again! I said, "DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!" And my smart-aleck children said, "But we aren't at home!" So now it's "Do not try this at home, or a parking lot, or anywhere else!!!!!!" :D

 

I've been lucky that my kids are normally reasonably cautious, so they haven't done horribly dangerous things (except that potential stair jumping incident - that would have been bad :lol:). We've only had one ER visit so far, and that was a 20 month old cutting himself and needing stitches. He wasn't trying to do anything dangerous at that time. ;) Of course, my kids are still young, so we have plenty of time to get more injuries. :tongue_smilie:

 

[Aspasia]

I don't think you're being whiny and I don't think you should put up with it until they grow up because 'boys will be boys.'  There are a lot of people on this board who do not want their children to be obedient to them.  They do not believe their children are capable of being obedient and/or they do not believe they have the authority to expect obedience. They are comforted by knowing that others people are putting up with the same annoying behaviour that they put up with from their children.  At the risk of annoying those people (again), I will say that many parents have well behaved children BECAUSE they taught their children to be well behaved.  Some people have children who are very pleasant to be around.  I am one of them.  I bet you could be one too.

 

I once heard a story about a general who ordered some of his troops to march off a cliff to their deaths - and they did it!  The enemy was so frightened by that display of power that it surrendered without a fight.  I figure if a man can have so much power over hundreds of men - Can make men willingly die for him -  surely I can figure out a way to make my two year old keep his swimsuit on at the beach.  Ha!  Surely, you can figure out a way to teach your 4 and 7 year olds not to jump off the ice box, act like they hate each other etc.

 

 

 

Seriously? I make my kids keep their clothes on in public. I also accommodate their natural--harmless--energy by giving and teaching them proper outlets for it.

 

My kids are also pleasant to be around, but I don't feel like I need to crush everything that they are in order to achieve that. It is very possible to respect a child's nature while setting boundaries for how he expresses that nature. Accepting--even embracing their nature--is not the same as throwing up your hands and letting them be barbarians. But you're right, people on this board are big on respecting their children for who they are and working with that to help shape individuals who can function well in society.

 

 

Getting them not to jump off the ice box is small potatoes too.

 

Saying, "You don't have to put up with that.  You can figure this out, and make this better," IS encouraging. 

I would much rather think that way than, "I guess I have to put up with this until they grow up and move out."

 

Most likely, if the OP puts her mind to it, she CAN teach her kids not to jump off the fridge.  And she can do it in a way that is not mean or abusive at all.  You disagree?

I haven't seen anyone advocating fridge jumping. In fact, I've seen people addressing those behaviors with their kids...and then giving them alternatives for expressing that kind of energy, NOT changing their kids' energy.

[NASDAQ]

Caribbean Queen, you brought up the example of a general commanding his army to march off a cliff.

 

See, most of the time, I don't give a rip whether two-year-old wears pants at the beach or not. They all discover modesty by four or so.

 

Arizona mum, Arizona has seen quite the explosion in population, hasn't it? It may be that many of the new, heat-shy parents didn't grow up in this type of extreme heat and aren't used to it. We live in the PNW (you might be able to tell from my no-pants-no-problem statement, eh?) and I and several of my kids get ill after ten minutes in direct sunlight.