s/o cry it out--what about crying in car seats?

[merry gardens]

I remember a time we were in the car with baby crying, stuck in traffic, but very close to our destination but I did not know how close. (This happened before smart phones.) My mommy instincts were going crazy and I could not take care of my child the way I knew he wanted me. I yelled at my husband to pull over, and he eventually did. It was awful!! It was somewhat tramatizing--at least it was tramatizing to mom if not baby!

 

I had another baby who went through a period of really disliking his car seat. And there we were, in the name of safety and compliance with the law, restraining him with straps. He would cry. And cry. And he would sometimes try to get out of the car seat while crying. I rarely left the house in that era. Fortunately he stopped that after a while, but the experience left me wondering if he would have some type of emotional scars.

 

Of course we use car seats and comply with the law. I even rode in a car seat years before the law required it. One of my earliest childhood memories is a distinct dislike of being strapped into a car seat. Was I tramatized? Maybe. I don't really like driving in cars.

[Ausmumof3]

Car trips with dd were awful

[bettyandbob]

Pulling over to calm the child made it worse because I would have to put the child back in the seat. They all learned that while we are in the car, we are buckled in. Each went through a period of crying that made us all uncomfortable. Each grew out of it. My oldest took the longest. Maybe all the evils in their lives can be traced to car seats. I'm not going to worry about that.

[ktgrok]

We limited car trips in that phase. We timed them so that baby was tired and would hopefully sleep. I turned down some field trip opportunities because it was too far to drive with a screaming baby. I had someone sit by baby to try to calm him/her. I sang. A lot. My oldest was calmed by "La Cucaracha", my second by "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", and this one is calmed by, of all things, "Eerie Canal". I did get smart, I have that one on a CD so I can just keep playing it over and over instead of singing. I have to sing it with the CD the first few times, but then he settles and will accept just the CD. 

 

We have stopped and nursed also. Yes, they start screaming again, but at least he gets a break for a few minutes to catch his breath. I can't handle a baby crying so hard they can barely breathe. 

[Laurie4b]

I remember once being stuck in traffic in a major city with a baby just screaming his head off in the back. So I climbed in the back, knelt on the floor, and nursed him while still strapped in. No, I was not in my seat belt.

 

I also remember pulling over on a major highway in a strip with few exits to nurse a totally screaming baby. I took him out of the seat and was holding him normally to nurse when a state trooper came by and said we could not be stopped there except for an emergency. Isn't a screaming baby who is causing high stress to everyone in the car an emergency? Nope. So back in the carseat, screaming again, until we came to an exit. :glare:

[MomtoCandJ]

I was so lucky with dd, she didn't/doesn't mind her carseat (she's in a high back booster now). We did a few long distance trips with her (one round trip Georgia to Michigan, our move back to Michigan, both occurred before she was 2 and half)

[SKL]

My kids didn't fuss about being in their car seats.  (Well, Miss E started to protest being strapped in once, but a single calm whack on the butt was all she needed.)  One thing that might have helped was that they were always next to each other, and I also hung up a mirror so they could see me while they were rear-facing.  (Well, it was actually so I could see them in case anyone choked or puked, but I think it helped for them to see something other than the back of the seat.)  I realize that some babies are going to scream no matter what.  I feel for their parents.  It would be very hard for me to deal with that.

[Snow]

I think it's the same as with sleeping. You try everything you can (climb back there if not driving, plan for only short trips, nurse them in their seat, pull over and get out for awhile - all things I've done) but at some point, you've got to get home.

[PeterPan]

With my first kid, I thought she was communicating, so I listened and worried.  By my 2nd kid, I had figured out that while he was also communicating he wasn't DUMB.  Dc1 knew perfectly well that if she screamed, she got what she wanted, so she screamed.  With dc2 I decided to be very careful to structure the situation appropriately (nursed, ready for a nap, clean diaper), and then I put in earplugs.

 

When he was little, if we were taking a LONG trip and he fussed we pulled over, because it was actually realistic that he needed a stretch or this or that.  But to go a short trip into town and fuss, that's opinion.  Put in earplugs and move on.  Oh, and you should know I'm NOT a CIO person in ANY other respect.  We're talking co-sleeping, nurse 'em till they're ready to serve in the temple, etc. is all cool with me and the norm here.  I just felt like it was the law and that there was an element of knowledgeable manipulation or cause/effect understanding going on even in someone very young.  It's the law, and a woman doesn't need her hormones messed with, so put in earplugs.

 

Btw, when dd was fussing, turns out her tailbone had gotten misaligned from sitting in a hard carseat too much.  I had to take her to the chiro to get it fixed.  She's my uber-sensitive one btw.  Next dc, I was more careful to get a carseat with memory foam for their bum.  I knew it was her bottom, because she would fuss the same way when placed in a swing.  So I'm not advocating not listening.  I'm just saying not everything they communicate or have an opinion on gets them what they want.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

This may be redundant but I used to sit in the back with ds which I found helpful. We still had to make stops on long rides. 

 

I forgot to add we only had one child so I was able to sit in back.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Dd13 was like that.  I would feel like I was having a nervous breakdown if we traveled any more than 15 minutes since she would cry so hard and so loud.  Needless to say, we didn't go very far when dd was little.  We used to take turns singing to her to either help calm her down or drown her out, just to make it to the boys activities.  Dd knew the words to "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" before she was one since that was one son's favorite.  The one longer trip we took, I ended up nursing her in the back (while she was strapped in her carseat) while dh drove.  Good thing for tinted windows.  She was better when the car seat was turned around to front facing.  This was back when you did that at a year.  I don't know how I would have handled it these days with the longer rear-facing recommendations.  I could deal with fussing, but not the all-out, bloody-murder screaming.  Other than the car, she was a very calm, happy baby.

[ailysh]

My younger daughter is a car screamer. Anything over thirty minutes and it sets her off. She has been getting gradually better. It's awful but what can you do? She doesn't need anything other than to get out of her car seat but we have to get there. I end up driving because my husband can't tune it out and I worry he won't be concentrating on the road.

[Guest]

My dds loved cars and since I didn't drive then, I'd offer my friends gas money to drive us around until the baby fell asleep.

 

Then I had ds2.

 

I avoided driving as much as possible because it didn't feel safe and you can't control instinct, but when it came down to spending a whole day walking across town and back to do an errand that would have taken 15 minutes in a car, it wasn't always possible. I had tempestuous teenagers too and dxh was going through too much medical stuff at the time to be their primary parent.

 

I had a similar experience to dirty ethel's, but I noticed a slight change in ds2 on the drive to DMV to have his seat turned around by a tech on his first birthday, so I turned around and drove back home. It got a little better and then a little more better until it was tolerable. He continued to rearface until after his fourth birthday, but I can't help wondering how many parents think that "the great turnaround" is the magic bullet when it's really just the baby outgrowing it.

 

Is ds2 traumatized? I don't know. He seemed to enjoy "mini vacations" to concerts and campouts that involved a day in the car, a night in a motel, and another day driving home but I've never needed to take him on a serious road trip. The others are such world travellers that it would almost be a relief to have a homebody in the bunch.

[AK_Mom4]

DS22 was a puker.  He hated the car seat because he always got car sick.  Who could blame him?   This is the kid who took a ride in a fighter jet this summer doing loops and loved every minute of it.

 

DS18 was a screamer.  He has a cast iron stomach and almost never vomits, but I always assumed he was probably car sick like his brother.  Both boys improved when turned forward facing and since oldest DS stopped puking everytime he got in the car, I figured that facing forward helped with the motion sickness.

 

Both my girls were fine - if they complained it was almost always because of a wet uncomfortable diaper, so we would stop and fix that if possible and then they were good.

[wintermom]

With a nursing-only baby, I would always feed the baby before any long trips. Then there were no stops for crying, unless it was time for the next feeding. Then we'd all stop and eat or take a break.

 

With any other baby or toddler, I'd feed them on the go.

 

We do several really long car trips every year, and we are lucky enough that all 4 kids are wonderful travellers. We've driven across North America twice so far with all 4 kids.

 

Edit: I must admit that the above is always travelling with dh. On my own with the 4 dc driving around town and such, I do remember stopping when someone was crying to find out what the problem was. It was almost never something that I could solve - they were just tired of driving. I have to say that my dh's method of just driving and feeding on the go is way more effective in the long run.

[dirty ethel rackham]

With a nursing-only baby, I would always feed the baby before any long trips. Then there were no stops for crying, unless it was time for the next feeding. Then we'd all stop and eat or take a break.

 

With any other baby or toddler, I'd feed them on the go.

 

We do several really long car trips every year, and we are lucky enough that all 4 kids are wonderful travellers. We've driven across North America twice so far with all 4 kids.

 

Edit: I must admit that the above is always travelling with dh. On my own with the 4 dc driving around town and such, I do remember stopping when someone was crying to find out what the problem was. It was almost never something that I could solve - they were just tired of driving. I have to say that my dh's method of just driving and feeding on the go is way more effective in the long run.

 

There is a difference between crying and blood-curdling screaming.  DD was of the latter type.  It was painful and stressful to listen to.  I've driven through crying when I knew that we just needed to get there and there wasn't anything I could do.  The screaming was so unnerving that none of us could tolerate it.  My boys would cry "Make it stop, Mommy" whenever she would scream.  Other than being in the car, she was a most pleasant baby.  I do think she was car-sick.  She never could stand being rear facing in the stroller either. 

 

[Dory]

Ds1 gets car sick, so he would fuss if we went on a long trip when he was little. It helped if I sat in the back with him on long trips. Or perhaps it just made me feel like I wasn't abandoning him. We made a trip from here to Tennessee when he was 4 months and I spent most the trip in the back with him and we pulled over regularly to let him get out and nurse and move around. He was still nursing every 3 hrs anyway. My dd hated not being able to see  everything she heard but never made a fuss at all if I was back there with her. My youngest was the best. As long as he had a mirror and felt that he could see something moving, he was happy. I really limited my trips as much as possible when my babies were really little. If a long trip needed to be done in their first year I tried to work it so that dh was along. Then I could be in the back with the baby. All of my kids are awesome travelers now, so long as ds1 is where he can see out well and not stuck in the middle.

[Snow]

There is a difference between crying and blood-curdling screaming. DD was of the latter type. It was painful and stressful to listen to. I've driven through crying when I knew that we just needed to get there and there wasn't anything I could do. The screaming was so unnerving that none of us could tolerate it.

 

ITA. The intensity of crying, in any situation, should dictate the response.

[SebastianCat]

My DD was a screamer in the car when she was a baby.   It was awful.  As a newborn, she couldn't handle more than 5-10 minutes in the car seat before the screaming started.  I found that swaddling her arms in a small blanket (with her legs sticking out, so we could buckle the seatbelt safely) helped some, as did white noise, jiggling the car seat, etc.   Those interventions might buy us an additional 5-10 minutes, but that was enough to get to the grocery store or church.

 

As she grew, her tolerance for the car grew....almost magically equal to her age in years.   At age 1 she could handle 1 hour before she had a meltdown, at 2 it was 2 hours, etc.   We take several trips to see grandparents each year, 4 hours each way, and she was 4 years old before she made that trip without crying at all.

[zoobie]

There is a difference between crying and blood-curdling screaming. DD was of the latter type. It was painful and stressful to listen to. I've driven through crying when I knew that we just needed to get there and there wasn't anything I could do. The screaming was so unnerving that none of us could tolerate it. My boys would cry "Make it stop, Mommy" whenever she would scream. Other than being in the car, she was a most pleasant baby. I do think she was car-sick. She never could stand being rear facing in the stroller either.

 

This is my youngest. She HATES the car. It got a zillion times better after 9-10 months, but before that, I would be white knuckled and nauseated from being in the car with her. We avoided it as much as possible. Thinking about it now makes me shudder. She still isn't fond of the car, but she complains more than sounding like she's being eaten alive by the car seat. We usually go to my mom's for Christmas Eve, and when I suggested that she come to our house to avoid the crying, she bristled. So I called her on my car's Bluetooth and she said omg how do you not drive off the road?!?! My blood pressure is rising just typing this... We kept headphones in the car for the big kids when we had to go somewhere. So miserable!

[msjones]

Car-seat crying and bed-time crying were in the same category for me.

 

 I know many of you strongly disagree with me, but I felt that for baby's health and well-being both a car-seat and good sleep habits were essential.  So, if some crying went along with those learning times...baby cried.  

 

I always tried to set baby up for success by feeding before a car ride, talking or touching during the car ride if possible.  At bed-time there was feeding, snuggling, singing, back-rubs, binkies.  

 

That being said, we had no health issues or car-sickness.  Neither of them would cry themselves sick or anything like that, either.  That probably would have changed things.

 

 

[happypamama]

It depends.  I will generally stop and take a baby out to snuggle and nurse before putting him back in the seat, if it's going to be a while before we reach our destination.  But if we're very close?  I'll probably just try to talk to the baby, put on music, have a big kid offer a toy, offer a pinky to suck on/hand to hold (that doesn't work very well in the van, though).  I haven't had any who truly hate the carseat, though; usually, a little stop will help.  I'm personally of the mind that I don't leave babies to cry, if I have any other choice.  Sometimes I have to use the bathroom or take a shower, or there isn't a safe place to stop the car -- anyone available will do what they can, but sometimes we can't always make everything perfect.

[Vida Winter]

One time we were driving to a wedding of all things, and my baby daughter was crying in her carseat but we couldn't stop because we were on the highway and we needed to get there -- next thing we knew she had puked all over the car (and us), lol. I can laugh now!

[Garga]

My son shrieked every time we went for a ride in the car for two solid years. He'd shriek for the entire ride. Shriek. We moved to a new area and people would say, "Oh, you should drive around to get used to the area," and I'd say, "If I do my son will scream the entire time." They looked at me like I was nuts. No one else that I knew had this problem.

 

And then we got rid of the Geo Metro and bought a minivan. And my son was finally able to look out the windows. He stopped shrieking the day we got that minivan and never shrieked again.

 

That doesn't much help if you can't buy a new car or already have a minivan, but you do have my sympathy. We just didn't driver very much if we could avoid it. It was horrible. I had a terrible time concentrating enough to drive.

[fdrinca]

Our current little on screams and screams and SCREAMS in the car. Then she'll gag on her built-up saliva and by the end our 25 minute drive into town all five of us in the car are in tears. We've cut back driving A LOT as a result. Things got easier at 3 months, but she's still not pleased in the car. If she were our first, we'd not drive at all, but as she's the fourth in the line of some busy kiddos, she has little choice but to drive to co-op or a million doctor's appointments. It makes me so sad that she's so upset in the car. 

[rjand6more]

All 6 of my kids have screamed (and I mean SCREAM!!) to some degree in the carseat as little babies.  Our last little one screamed until he puked, had blow out diaper and/or was soaked in sweat.  There is not a lot of air moving in those carrier style seats.  Over the years I have tried numerous  things to calm the babies including all the things mentioned in this thread.  Music has always helped eventually.  Lowish bass songs(fairly loud)  works the best. Two boys loved Nate Sallie but the older ones revolted this time.lol.  We found the Royal Tailor song "Hold me Together" works for this guy.:)   Also, by 5 mos or so we use a dvd player with Baby Einstein facing baby helps a lot!  I found that if I use a seat liner(ya. I know they are considered unsafe by carseat experts...But, let ME tell you that constant screaming is MORE unsafe!!!)  The liner wicks away sweat.  Works great.  I also laid an icepack(and carried one in the car until the temp was consistently under 60 deg) in the seat.   All this just to get 20 min away from home! lol.

 

Whenever I would mention that my kids screamed and screamed in the car, people would always say they had never heard of that...I thought my kids were the only ones.

[itsheresomewhere]

DS22 was a puker.  He hated the car seat because he always got car sick.  Who could blame him?   This is the kid who took a ride in a fighter jet this summer doing loops and loved every minute of it.

 

DS18 was a screamer.  He has a cast iron stomach and almost never vomits, but I always assumed he was probably car sick like his brother.  Both boys improved when turned forward facing and since oldest DS stopped puking everytime he got in the car, I figured that facing forward helped with the motion sickness.

 

Both my girls were fine - if they complained it was almost always because of a wet uncomfortable diaper, so we would stop and fix that if possible and then they were good.

 

DS never had an issue with the car seat.  DD was the one who was car sick being rear facing.  

[musicianmom]

My son screamed his first 4 months of life when he wasn't nursing or being held. That included the car seat. Highway driving wasn't too bad because he would fall asleep, but the first rest stop would wake him up again and yikes!

[merry gardens]

All 6 of my kids have screamed....Whenever I would mention that my kids screamed and screamed in the car, people would always say they had never heard of that...I thought my kids were the only ones.

I thought every parent these days experienced screaming babies in car seats and it was only a matter of to what degree they screamed and frequency of the problem.

 

Yes, all of mine have cried and screamed in car seats. Not all were as bad as others, and all fell asleep at times, but all experienced problems at some point. Some of the things people shared that they did to solve the problem indicate that it wasn't a huge problem for their babies. If singing or someone sitting near to soothe the baby solved it, then I wouldn't have thought it was really a problem.

 

I've factored driving with babies into major life decisions. It is one of my reasons for starting to homeschool. We often offered to host the holidays because it was far easier than the car rides. Driving to activities and events for when we had babies and toddlers was simply dreadful at times.