Going gray...I'm scared

[Amethyst]

Okay, I think I'm really going to do it this time. I've been coloring my gray for years. But I've developed a rash at the nape of my neck that gets worse every time I get my hair dyed. Sometimes it's pretty bad. So, I think I'm going to just give up and go gray. It's been 7 weeks since I last had my roots done, and it's so embarrassing right now. I dread going to work tomorrow - it looks so unprofessional. I have about an inch of gray at my roots right now and my hair is slightly longer than chin-length. I feel like just shaving it all off, but I guess I'll wait until it's at least 2 inches of gray to get it cut really really short. Yuck. And I'll be visiting my family for Christmas, many who I only see about twice a year, so I hate going looking such a mess. But I also hate going with a shaved head. 

 

Advice/sympathy/get-over-yourself's welcome.

[Catwoman]

Can you have it dyed to match your grey roots?

 

I know that probably sounds stupid, but I remember when I decided to go from blonde back to my natural color, I colored it to match my "real" hair so it could grow out without looking ridiculous.

[Amethyst]

Can you have it dyed to match your grey roots?

 

 

At this point, I'm really trying to avoid the chemicals altogether. Plus, every time I've asked one of my hairdressers to help me go gray, they say "Oh you're too young to go gray just yet." It must be a line they learn in school to keep customers coming back. 

[Catwoman]

At this point, I'm really trying to avoid the chemicals altogether. Plus, every time I've asked one of my hairdressers to help me go gray, they say "Oh you're too young to go gray just yet." It must be a line they learn in school to keep customers coming back.

Is there an ashy temporary rinse that you can use on it, to try to disguise the line of demarcation? I know the rinses have chemicals, too, but at least they wash out, and you wouldn't have to use it every day. You could just use it when you're going someplace special.

[RoughCollie]

 I feel like just shaving it all off

 

Don't shave it off.

 

If you do, you'll have to buy a hat.  The hat will want matching gloves.  The gloves request a matching scarf.  The scarf will insist upon a new coat to set it off.  The coat will nag you until you buy a new outfit. The new outfit will request matching underwear and shoes.

 

It's a never ending cycle.

[Catwoman]

Don't shave it off.

 

If you do, you'll have to buy a hat. The hat will want matching gloves. The gloves request a matching scarf. The scarf will insist upon a new coat to set it off. The coat will nag you until you buy a new outfit. The new outfit will request matching underwear and shoes.

 

It's a never ending cycle.

Yeah, and pretty soon your hair will be the least of your worries! :D

[Dandelion]

Personally, I wouldn't give up just yet.   :grouphug:

 

You mentioned you've been coloring your hair for years.  Is this rash a more recent thing?   Have you been using the same hair dye all this time, or did you switch at some point?

 

Have you tried any of the less harsh hair dyes, like Natural Instincts (ammonia-free and temporary)?

 

If you have a hair salon in your area that specializes in natural hair coloring products (like Veda), you could see whether their products work for you.

[Scarlett]

I try to go at least 5 weeks and I usually have an uncomfortable week....it helps to pin it back in a way that hides the worst of my part/skunk line. 

 

Can you find some cute little winter hats?

[EKS]

No advice, but I just wanted to say that I think women with gray hair are beautiful!

[LostSurprise]

henna or a henna gloss? I'm not sure how that would be over dyed hair. 

 

In your case I would probably dye it one more time (gray/ or gray mix) or have the roots done. This isn't a great time of year to grow things out. You either have to deal with the way it looks, or have someone do only your roots. 

[Dandelion]

 I dread going to work tomorrow - it looks so unprofessional. I have about an inch of gray at my roots right now and my hair is slightly longer than chin-length. 

 

If you have dark hair, you can use mascara to cover up your roots (for the day - obviously it's not permanent) while you figure out what to do.  

 

I've done that in a pinch before, and it works well.  Just don't run your fingers through your hair.  ;)

[Amethyst]

Thank you, all, for your responses.

 

My dh is a physician and he is the one that has been looking at and treating the rash. This morning I told him that I made an appointment at a new place that uses Aveda (97% plant-based ingredients; I don't know what the other 3% is). He said "Let me do some research". It wasn't long before he called me back and said "You know, Karen, that rash was really nasty last time. I thought you might even need antibiotics the way it looked. You're beautiful. You'll always be beautiful. I just don't think the chemicals are worth it." Okay. So, since he's the one that's going to have to look at me the most, I'm giving up the chemicals. I know it would make no sense to him if I then used a temporary rinse.

 

Is the rash a recent thing? It's been going on for about 1.5 years. Been going to the same salon for over 3 years.

 

Less harsh dyes like Natural Instincts do nothing to cover my gray. I wish they did. They are way cheaper than the salon. But they don't cover so that's why I started going to the salon.

[Amethyst]

Don't shave it off.

 

If you do, you'll have to buy a hat.  The hat will want matching gloves.  The gloves request a matching scarf.  The scarf will insist upon a new coat to set it off.  The coat will nag you until you buy a new outfit. The new outfit will request matching underwear and shoes.

 

It's a never ending cycle.

LOL. Thanks for the laugh!!!!

[Amethyst]

I try to go at least 5 weeks and I usually have an uncomfortable week....it helps to pin it back in a way that hides the worst of my part/skunk line. 

 

Can you find some cute little winter hats?

My hair grows rather fast. I go every 4 weeks and have an uncomfortable week. I do try to pull the front back rather than just parted to the side like I prefer. But it's getting challenging. If my hair was longer, I'd be doing a bun every day. I wish I could wear hats to work! 

[Amethyst]

If you have dark hair, you can use mascara to cover up your roots (for the day - obviously it's not permanent) while you figure out what to do.  

 

I've done that in a pinch before, and it works well.  Just don't run your fingers through your hair.  ;)

No I don't have dark hair. It's a darkish blonde. Just a week ago I bought a stick called Tween Time to cover the roots. What a joke. Complete waste of money.

[songsparrow]

If you were considering Avedo, you might want to look at Ecocolors.  I had a reaction to salon colors, but I can use Ecocolors with no problems.  They disclose all of their ingredients.

 

ETA:  The Ecocolors covers my gray.  If you do choose to try a less harsh hair color, be sure to do the allergy test before you apply it to your hair.

 

 

[sunflowerlady]

If you are open to red tones,I highly recommend henna. It covers gray,is all natural (just plant matter) and is good for your hair. It can be mixed with indigo also to add more brunette tones. Check on the hennaforhair.com. That site has tons of helpful info.

[mathnerd]

Buy natural henna (it is a herb and not a synthetic chemical) - you can get it in health food stores, online beauty supply sites or in an indian grocery store - natural henna has no additives or has additives that are plant based like cloves, lemon, cocoa butter etc. There are several things you can add to it to get the shade of your choice - some add coffee for dark color (just google for recipes) - I have not researched the lighter shades. The bad thing is that the process takes 3-4 hours - you basically need to wrap your head in cling wrap and wait for the color to set in. If you have an India Town in your city, they have Indian beauty salons that will do the henna for your hair - they will give you a shower cap like thing to wear until you can wash it off.

[Amethyst]

My concerns about henna are that my hair "pulls red" as they say in the salon. If I go to the salon and ask for dark blonde hair, it comes out looking red. Nothing wrong with red hair, I just don't like it on me.

[Occasionally]

Can you do something like a wide headband for when you're visiting family?

[Catwoman]

No I don't have dark hair. It's a darkish blonde. Just a week ago I bought a stick called Tween Time to cover the roots. What a joke. Complete waste of money.

Joan Rivers sells some powder stuff that you can use to touch up your roots, and it might very well work for you, because your hair is pretty light. It's called Great Hair Day.

 

But... it's really just eyeshadow, so if you have a light brown or tan eyeshadow, you could try brushing it on and see if it helps. It won't get rid of the grey, but it might help blend it in.

 

EDITED TO ADD: Go to QVC.com and search for item # A78804. There's a demonstration video there.

[Berta]

I'm paying attention to this post because have been wanting to just go gray for about a year. I am tired of coloring my hair and want to use less chemicals on it. I do the curly girl method and don't use sulfates at all. I have gone as long as 4 four months at a time without coloring my hair and I always break down and grab the hair color. I just colored it last week because my kids are coming for Christmas and I don't want the half gray, multi colored hair in the pictures. There is a mom that goes to karate that has gorgeous gray hair, but it really looks awful on me.

 

[Berta]

Joan Rivers sells some powder stuff that you can use to touch up your roots, and it might very well work for you, because your hair is pretty light. It's called Great Hair Day.

 

But... it's really just eyeshadow, so if you have a light brown or tan eyeshadow, you could try brushing it on and see if it helps. It won't get rid of the grey, but it might help blend it in.

 

EDITED TO ADD: Go to QVC.com and search for item # A78804. There's a demonstration video there.

 

Wow, that is small. I'd go through that in a day trying to make my gray blend in lol...

[Danestress]

I did this a few years ago. I have dark hair, and the "line of demarcation" when I dyed it was ugly, but I wasn't willing to do touch ups every three weeks.

 

It was a terrible year. I won't lie. I looked so bad for a while with an inch or two of grey and then dark hair to my shoulders. It made a few of my friends crazy. Every time I saw them, they would make suggestions - I could do highlights. I could get a cute short cut. I could invest in hats - or a wig.

 

But after about six months, it wasn't so bad. I could pull my hair back in a barrette or head band, and when you looked at me, you just saw the grey around the face without noticing (or so I liked to think) the longer, darker hair. I got a short bob once the grey was long enough for that, and it was pretty easy from then on out.

 

I am pleased I chose to go natural. I am about 50% grey, and having grey hair has it's perks. People really are nicer to me. They offer to carry my groceries and congratulate me for "just being there" when I go to yoga. I'm 46, by the way:) At some point, I think it's sort of nice to look the way I feel - which is a little older and more tired than my husband and kids realized. Grey really is aging - there is no doubt about it. But there is nothing really so bad about looking a bit older.

 

I wear my long hair in a clip. I wash it a few times a week, don't ever blow it dry, and pull it up into the clip in the morning, where it stay all day. It looks tidy and stays out of my eyes, and I spend almost no money or time on it. I have had it cut maybe twice in the last year. I no longer spend time in the mornings blowing it dry, curling, or styling it. I just have hair but don't think about it most days. I do using a "bluing" shampoo to keep the yellow out.

 

In many ways, I feel liberated from the tyranny off hair.

[trulycrabby]

If your husband thinks you are beautiful, then go for it. What he said was lovely, loving, and very thoughtful. :001_wub:

 

You can go to your colourist and INSIST that he/she remove the colour. If he/she will not, then leave. I know  it can be done, because my mother had it done a few weeks ago: her hairdresser wanted to remove existing colour before she coloured it.

[Pippen]

When I used to get perms I would have skin problems around the edges. Vaseline rubbed onto the skin prior to applying the chemical took care of it.

[Amethyst]

If your husband thinks you are beautiful, then go for it. What he said was lovely, loving, and very thoughtful. :001_wub:

 

 

Thanks! He is a sweetheart

 

You can go to your colourist and INSIST that he/she remove the colour. If he/she will not, then leave. I know  it can be done, because my mother had it done a few weeks ago: her hairdresser wanted to remove existing colour before she coloured it.

I've asked hairdressers about this in the past. One did research for me and consulted with someone and she reported back that she really couldn't advise it because of the very harsh chemicals (and this was years and years ago before I was having a problem).

[Amethyst]

Can you do something like a wide headband for when you're visiting family?

I might be able to do a wide headband if I find one I like. The one you linked might be a little showy for my taste. But I generally do like the way I look in headbands if I can find the right one. Thanks

[Amethyst]

When I used to get perms I would have skin problems around the edges. Vaseline rubbed onto the skin prior to applying the chemical took care of it.

Yes, I was going to do that at my next visit. But right now, I've decided that it's probably best if I just avoid the chemicals altogether. 

[Catwoman]

I might be able to do a wide headband if I find one I like. The one you linked might be a little showy for my taste. But I generally do like the way I look in headbands if I can find the right one. Thanks

That might be your best bet. No chemicals, and you don't have to bother wearing it unless you feel like it.

 

If you don't want to look like you're hiding your grey, choose the tackiest, most irritatingly festive Christmas one that you can find. Then you can spend the whole day telling everyone that you have more Christmas spirit than they do. ;)

[Amethyst]

Usually when I'm thinking of growing out my gray, I'll point out women with gray hair to my husband. I'm going to look like that, OK? Usually he'll say, hmm, maybe you should dye it.

 

But I was just at the grocery store this afternoon and saw a woman, probably a decade younger than me, but it looked really good. It was gray, but it wasn't short like all the women I point out to dh. But it wasn't the aged hippie look either. It was about shoulder length and naturally wavy. Mine is naturally wavy too. It gave me hope. I know I"ll never look like Jamie Lee Curtis or Meryll Streep, but this looked like something that maybe I could pull off. I told her she was an inspiration.

[Catwoman]

My guess is that you think it looks worse than anyone else does or will.

 

:grouphug:

I was thinking the same thing. If you have jet black hair and decide to let it grow in, it's very noticeable, but with lighter hair, it probably doesn't show as much.

 

I'm 50 and I don't color my hair at all (I stopped coloring it blonde years and years ago.) I'm not sure what I'll do when it starts to go grey, though.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I just saw this video and I am considering gray as well for simplicity:) it has great ideas for transitioning but does involve gray hair color or gray highlights which may need to only be applied once I am guessing:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIDUFCb0D0I

[trulycrabby]

  _{I think what your husband said was just absolutely lovely. That man loves you!  :wub:} 

 

_{I believe the colourist can remove existing colour, just talk to her/him before you make the appointment so you don't waste time arguing, um, discussing the matter at the appointment.}

[Catwoman]

I just saw this video and I am considering gray as well for simplicity:) it has great ideas for transitioning but does involve gray hair color or gray highlights which may need to only be applied once I am guessing

That could be a good option, because although they'd be using chemicals, they wouldn't have to go all the way to the root, so the scalp would barely be affected at all.

[nd293]

I might be able to do a wide headband if I find one I like. The one you linked might be a little showy for my taste. But I generally do like the way I look in headbands if I can find the right one. Thanks

Try looking online for religious head coverings - these are often wide headbands that can be spread out to cover more hair, kerchief style. I found some pretty ones for dd at one stage (fashion, not religious purchase).

[Berta]

Headbands are not an option for me. I must have a weird shaped head because they slip right up the back and don't last more than 10 mins. I also can't wear the hard U shaped kind. I wear hearing aids and glasses which make them uncomfortable and they just don't sit right.

[Luckymama]

Amethyst, your dh is a keeper :)

 

Signed,

Another Karen with dark blonde hair (I'm 47 but I don't have much gray yet so I don't do any coloring.)

[Amethyst]

Quick update...I had gone over 8 weeks without dyeing my hair and it was pretty awful. I had an inch of gray hair (I measured!) so that meant a 2-inch stripe of gray hair down the middle of my head. My hair was not-quite-shoulder length and it was getting pretty depressing. The last straw came on a day I had to go to work (I work only one day a week) and there was absolutely no way to make this hair look professional. So the following day, on a whim, I called my hairdresser. I didn't really expect her to have any openings since it was 2 days before Christmas, but she did have an opening. I told her to cut it SHORT. I wanted her to cut it all off but the 1 inch of gray, but she talked me out of that. But it is very short! Think Jamie Lee Curtis. You can still see the 2inches of gray but for some reason ( maybe partly because I don't straighten it which seems to accent the part) it doesn't bother me nearly as much. And because it's much shorter I have hope that this whole process will be over and done with sooner. In another 3 months or so I hope to go back and get it cut short again and hopefully it will be all gray after that. I'm loving the wash and wear aspect of short hair! 

[oneddmanybooks]

Congrats on liking your new cut! Ummm....the picture of your new cut isn't showing on my computer. :)

[gardenmom5]

I stopped doing roots.  I do a tri-color foil.  it really blends and you hardly see roots.

 

if you completely want to just go gray, would you be willing to have a professional take the rest of your hair to your natural gray?   the roots won't be as noticeable, and you'll be "done".

[KungFuPanda]

If the rash is holding you back, you might want to research some alternatives. An older friend of mine got a rash recently and she found out that there were some recent formula changes in her favorite brand. Once she figured out WHAT she was reacting to, and found a dye without that ingredient, she could color her hair again.

 

I don't use color, so I'm afraid the details of the brands/ingredients went over my head, but a second lady in the on versatile had a similar experience. Now that I think about it, this conversation happened a year ago and both friends found a way to continue coloring without suffering for it.

 

If you're just done with it, and want to be gray, that's great. My grandmother has had the most beautiful, silvery-gray hair since her mid-forties and I never thought she looked old until recently in her late eighties. i think the overall perception comes from the total package and not just the hair color. I just hate the idea of you settling for what you don't want.

[Liz CA]

There are products without harsh chemicals. Haven't read all the responses. Have you looked at some of those?

[Teacher Mom]

I can only tell you what happen to me. My hairdresser used Aveda products in my hair, which was very, very dark. We were trying to let some gray come in gradually and using foils. After years of coloring my hair, I starting having little rashes on my hairline. One day at the salon,  I had a dramatic reaction, literally a reaction so bad it was like 3rd degree burns to my neck, ears, and upper back. The chemicals were on my hair less than ten minutes before she washed it all out. I had to go to the doctor for medication. My doctor told me the next reaction could put me into the hospital. I went gray from that day on. It took me about a year to adjust but now I don't think about it.

 

 

[Negin]

My concerns about henna are that my hair "pulls red" as they say in the salon. If I go to the salon and ask for dark blonde hair, it comes out looking red. Nothing wrong with red hair, I just don't like it on me.

Lush Henna hasn't made my hair go red at all. Mind you, I obviously have much darker hair than you, but still this type of henna does not go red when used correctly. I read all the reviews and took notes. I love their henna. I first heard about it on these boards and am forever grateful to all those who recommended it. 

[Melissa in Australia]

If your husband thinks you are beautiful, then go for it. What he said was lovely, loving, and very thoughtful. :001_wub:

 

 

:iagree:

[Melissa in Australia]

 I have found encouragement reading this threat as I am the only person I know at my age that hasn't/ isn't dying their hair. I have quite a bit of grey. Seems like I am going greyer by the week.  at this rate I am envisaging that I will be completely grey in about 2 years. My hair is hip length and I always keep it braided.

[skeeterbug]

I have found encouragement reading this threat as I am the only person I know at my age that hasn't/ isn't dying their hair. I have quite a bit of grey. Seems like I am going greyer by the week. at this rate I am envisaging that I will be completely grey in about 2 years. My hair is hip length and I always keep it braided.

Don't think I'd want to dye my hair if it was that long either!

[Amethyst]

I can only tell you what happen to me. My hairdresser used Aveda products in my hair, which was very, very dark. We were trying to let some gray come in gradually and using foils. After years of coloring my hair, I starting having little rashes on my hairline. One day at the salon,  I had a dramatic reaction, literally a reaction so bad it was like 3rd degree burns to my neck, ears, and upper back. The chemicals were on my hair less than ten minutes before she washed it all out. I had to go to the doctor for medication. My doctor told me the next reaction could put me into the hospital. I went gray from that day on. It took me about a year to adjust but now I don't think about it.

Wow. Very scary! So far, I'm happy with my decision to kick the chemical habit.