Would this worry you? Update police involved

[Only me]

My dd used to be best friends with her roommate and then they had a falling out. Both are moving out if the dorm at the end of the semester. Roommate started moving out today. She will be gone until Monday. Dd came home from class to find the tv gone (roommates tv) and in its place is a knife (looks like a steak knife) and pointed at a picture of dd. random coincidence, roomie just being childish or something to worry about?

 

 

Update:

Well she showed her RA and the RA called the residents directors They were quite concerned and contacted campus police. Dd has never seen the knife before. Roomie hasn't used it all year. Police are filing a report and want dd to stay with friends off campus. They were also concerned.

[zoobie]

I don't know, but I think I'd be packing up pretty quickly.

[Jean in Newcastle]

How strange.   :grouphug:

[jewellsmommy]

I hope everything is ok. Does your dd think that the animosity between them was enough to warrant that type of response from the roomie or is it really out of left field?

[Only me]

They had a falling out a month or so ago and haven't spoken for over two weeks. The falling out wasn't over anything horrible but a combination of things. It's really strange.

[jewellsmommy]

They had a falling out a month or so ago and haven't spoken for over two weeks. The falling out wasn't over anything horrible but a combination of things. It's really strange.

 

I am just wondering if the room mate could be experiencing some sort of mental/emotional thing. I think it's a good thing that the police are involved for that reason. Hopefully they will check in with this girl's family.

[Starr]

I'm so sorry.  :grouphug: It must be so hard being the mom far away.

[Melissa in Australia]

glad that the police are involved

[jelbe5]

From what you describe that seems to be a deliberate and purposeful act, even if it is the roomie being childish. Not a smart thing to do in this day. I am glad the RA and police are involved. I also agree with a pp that perhaps the roommate may be experiencing some mental health problems. However, I feel the situation warrants investigation and action. I think it is good your dd will no longer be staying in the same room with this person. I would urge you to advise her to have campus security escort her whenever she needs to go back to retrieve the rest of her belongings.

[GreenKitty]

I would pack up and get out of there. Why stay with the possibility of something happening. Sounds like it was intentional.

[Cinder]

Yes, I would feel threatened. Glad the RA's took it seriously. :grouphug:

[Spryte]

Yes, I would worry.  Glad she showed her RA, and they called the police.  Take it seriously.

[Harriet Vane]

Definitely take it seriously.

 

--If this is childish maliciousness, roommate needs to learn NOW that there are consequences to threatening someone with violence.

 

--If it is not childish maliciousness, then it is a threat and your dd is in danger. Glad the police are involved, and she should consider a restraining order. When she goes back to retrieve her possessions, she should be accompanied by campus security.

 

I think roommate's parents should be informed as well. If roommate is going off the deep end, her parents may be able to help her.

[Alicia64]

I'm so glad everyone took it seriously. I think that was absolutely the right thing to do.

 

Alley

[wintermom]

I'd definitely follow the police's advice and stay away. Are they changing the locks on the door? That would be my next question. The roommate should not be able to get in once she's all moved out.

[Only me]

Unfortunately we don't know when the roommate is completely moving out. She still has most of her stuff in the room. My dd has finals until the 19th. She stayed with a friend last night but we are trying to find housing for her until after her last finals. Police are talking to the roommate tomorrow since this happened late last night and the officer is off today. The housing dept is taking to roommate today so I want my dd out of there. I don't trust her or her boyfriend. I'm afraid that they will come back this weekend to move out more things. We don't know when roommates last final is. She has told people different things.

[jelbe5]

You might want to see if you can file some type of official report. Threats of violence should be grounds for immediate dismissal from the school. The university should pack up her stuff for her. If nothing else, based on what she did, she should be notified that she has to come get her stuff now and be escorted by campus police, supervised while packing and escorted out of the dorm and off campus. The more I think about this the more unstable I think this young lady is.

 

ETA - does the dorm use traditional keys or key cards for locks? If the dorm uses keys I would insist the locks be changed.

 

Editing again - the more I think about this the angrier I am. Why does your dd have to stay away? The other girl should be tossed out on her rump, especially since others on campus are now involved. I'd be raising he!! if I was paying room and board and my child was threatened and she was told to stay with others while the other person was free to come and go. I'd like to suggest a phone call to the director of housing and go to that person's superior if you don't get a satisfactory answer.

[Seasider]

Unfortunately we don't know when the roommate is completely moving out. She still has most of her stuff in the room. My dd has finals until the 19th. She stayed with a friend last night but we are trying to find housing for her until after her last finals. Police are talking to the roommate tomorrow since this happened late last night and the officer is off today. The housing dept is taking to roommate today so I want my dd out of there. I don't trust her or her boyfriend. I'm afraid that they will come back this weekend to move out more things. We don't know when roommates last final is. She has told people different things.

 

Is it possible for your dd to go ahead and move out her valuable personal possessions? Of course her personal safety is paramount, but I would be concerned that the roommate might trash any of your dd's things left unattended, especially if she's going to get dressed down by a university official today.

 

I'm so sorry your daughter has to deal with this and final exams at the same time. 

[QueenCat]

Unfortunately we don't know when the roommate is completely moving out. She still has most of her stuff in the room. My dd has finals until the 19th. She stayed with a friend last night but we are trying to find housing for her until after her last finals. Police are talking to the roommate tomorrow since this happened late last night and the officer is off today. The housing dept is taking to roommate today so I want my dd out of there. I don't trust her or her boyfriend. I'm afraid that they will come back this weekend to move out more things. We don't know when roommates last final is. She has told people different things.

 

Housing dept shouldn't be questioning her........... that gives her time to prep for the police talking to her (and coming up with a story).

[jelbe5]

You could also insist that your dd be provided a storage area or locker at the expense of the school for your daughter's possessions as well as hotel expenses for her for the remainder of this semester if they are not going to remove the other student. I mean, REALLY? This is finals and I am sure this whole thing is stressing out your dd and could have a negative impact on her ability to study and how she does on her finals. Consider insisting that either the roomie go or the school provide accommodations/storage for your dd now. Definitely time to call the director of housing. You might want to let the DOH know that if something happens to your daughter's stuff or (God forbid) your dd you will hold the school responsible, you are going to the media, etc.

[Alessandra]

Unfortunately we don't know when the roommate is completely moving out. She still has most of her stuff in the room. My dd has finals until the 19th. She stayed with a friend last night but we are trying to find housing for her until after her last finals. Police are talking to the roommate tomorrow since this happened late last night and the officer is off today. The housing dept is taking to roommate today so I want my dd out of there. I don't trust her or her boyfriend. I'm afraid that they will come back this weekend to move out more things. We don't know when roommates last final is. She has told people different things.

 

Is it just the campus police who are involved? I would want the local police informed too. What the roommate did is a terroristic threat, isn't it? I bolded the parts of your post that concern me. The "police" are waiting on this because the officer (the one who heard the complaint, I presume) is off duty??

 

Ok, maybe I've watched too much Law & Order, but I would not trust campus police, as I gather they can sweep things under the rug in order to keep colleges from looking bad. Even if there is pressure to keep the incident in-house, I would want more protection -- an emergency temporary restraining order, for example. In some jurisdictions, you can get a TRO at a local police station; if not, they can point you in the right direction.

 

Maybe the knife is a sick joke, but I would never want to count 100% on that interpretation. *I* would want protection. (Yes, I know I already said that.) But then I always use a seatbelt when I drive. 

[QueenCat]

Is it just the campus police who are involved? I would want the local police informed too. What the roommate did is a terroristic threat, isn't it? I bolded the parts of your post that concern me. The "police" are waiting on this because the officer (the one who heard the complaint, I presume) is off duty??

 

Ok, maybe I've watched too much Law & Order, but I would not trust campus police, as I gather they can sweep things under the rug in order to keep colleges from looking bad.

 

At ds school, the campus police are real police officers (state certified), with full jurisdiction over campus. Local police have to be invited in to help, as they do not have jurisdiction. They would not be waiting for the officer to come back to duty. Another officer would investigate immediately. It is outrageous that they are not handling this today, at the OP's daughter's school.

[Bootsie]

How close were the knife and picture to each other?  Was it a picture that had been in that spot for some time?  Or did the roommate move the picture and place it in this spot?

[Alessandra]

At ds school, the campus police are real police officers (state certified), with full jurisdiction over campus. Local police have to be invited in to help, as they do not have jurisdiction. They would not be waiting for the officer to come back to duty. Another officer would investigate immediately. It is outrageous that they are not handling this today, at the OP's daughter's school.

 

Right. By campus police, I meant the ones who are not 'real.' 

[Only me]

How close were the knife and picture to each other? Was it a picture that had been in that spot for some time? Or did the roommate move the picture and place it in this spot?

[Only me]

The picture was already there. They are both sitting on the counter where the tv was. They are close together but not touching but definitely pointing at the picture At first I thought perhaps it was just a coincidence but the knife has never been in the room before and there is no food on it. Also dd texted roommate to ask her about it before she contacted anyone and she wouldn't reply. I don't want to overreact but you just never know what someone is thinking. Also dd told me that last week roommate opened their door (it opens toward dd's closet) and pushed the door into dd while she was standing at the closet. Again most likely roommate is being a brat but who knows. There is also a history of verbal abuse by the roommates boyfriend to my daughter

[Alessandra]

The picture was already there. They are both sitting on the counter where the tv was. They are close together but not touching but definitely pointing at the picture At first I thought perhaps it was just a coincidence but the knife has never been in the room before and there is no food on it. Also dd texted roommate to ask her about it before she contacted anyone and she wouldn't reply. I don't want to overreact but you just never know what someone is thinking. Also dd told me that last week roommate opened their door (it opens toward dd's closet) and pushed the door into dd while she was standing at the closet. Again most likely roommate is being a brat but who knows. There is also a history of verbal abuse by the roommates boyfriend to my daughter

 

Listen to what your gut is telling you. It does not sound as though you are leaning towards coincidence or brattiness.

 

OK, it could be embarrassing to 'overreact,' but if things get out of control, it could be a lifesaver.

[jelbe5]

Nope, time to take matters into your own hands. Is your dd willing to file a complaint against roommate and boyfriend?

 

Call the director of housing. Insist you speak with that person now. Give that person the details and point out that the RA thought this was serious enough to get campus police involved and the police thought it was serious enough to advise your dd to stay with friends. Tell the doh that waiting another day is unacceptable, you demand action now, your dd feels threatened, terrorized, abused, etc. Tell the doh if you don't get action now you will contact the local police and media.

 

Is the boyfriend also a student? Disciplinary action should be brought against them both. If the boyfriend is not a student he should be banned from the campus. Personally I think both should be booted from the school if they are students. The tension between the roommates and your daughter and the boyfriend are clearly escalating. Did the tensions start when the boyfriend arrived on the scene?

[readwithem]

Totally agree with getting local police involved.  Colleges want to keep this kind of thing out of the media, but I would want LE involved TODAY.

 

Also agree with your dd going to her room ONLY in the company of security or police.

 

So sorry your dd is dealing with this and hope she can get through her finals okay.

[LifeLovePassion]

I would also want the locks changed ASAP and other girl to not be allowed in the room without supervision...if she moves out her things, who is to say she wouldn't take/damage all of your dd's things, especially since it has escalated.

[unsinkable]

Whatever happened with your DD's long distance "friend"? Did that ever get resolved?

[Kathryn]

I would demand that the school find and pay for temporary housing immediately or else keep the roommate away. She should not be responsible, after paying room and board, for finding temporary housing because they placed her with this person. I would get her stuff out of there ASAP if the roommate continues to have access to the room.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Whatever happened with your DD's long distance "friend"? Did that ever get resolved?

Good question esp. since some of the falling out was over your dd's boyfriend who is into cutting.  

[Alessandra]

Nope, time to take matters into your own hands. Is your dd willing to file a complaint against roommate and boyfriend?

 

Call the director of housing. Insist you speak with that person now. Give that person the details and point out that the RA thought this was serious enough to get campus police involved and the police thought it was serious enough to advise your dd to stay with friends. Tell the doh that waiting another day is unacceptable, you demand action now, your dd feels threatened, terrorized, abused, etc. Tell the doh if you don't get action now you will contact the local police and media.

 

Is the boyfriend also a student? Disciplinary action should be brought against them both. If the boyfriend is not a student he should be banned from the campus. Personally I think both should be booted from the school if they are students. The tension between the roommates and your daughter and the boyfriend are clearly escalating. Did the tensions start when the boyfriend arrived on the scene?

 

I would wonder if someone could be banned without some kind of hearing. At this point, the roommate and her boyfriend are accused, not convicted (at least in the minds of non-WTMers, lol).

[Bootsie]

I would wonder if someone could be banned without some kind of hearing. At this point, the roommate and her boyfriend are accused, not convicted (at least in the minds of non-WTMers, lol).

In my experience, it is very difficult to have someone banned from campus (especially if it is a state school).  Even if the individual is "banned" it does not keep automatically keep them off the campus (just as restraining orders do not necessarily keep people away.)

 

Clearly, your daughter feels threatened and should make plans to take care of herself.  I do not see, however, much the university could do at this point unless there are some other particular violations of policies.  I think the university officials would be saying, "There is a steak knife sitting on a counter where a refrigerator used to be, and it is turned so that it is pointing toward a picture that has been there.  How do we know who put the knife there?  How do we know the knife hasn't been there? Could the knife have been under the refrigerator all of the time and now that the refrigerator is gone it is visible?  Could the knife have been used to open boxes or cut packing tape--after all someone is moving?"

 

If there hasn't been some specific verbal or written threat, or if someone else hasn't seen a specific action they think is threatening, I don't see much the university can do.  You know your daughter, but the university officials don't.  Why are they to believe that the knife left in a particular place was meant as a threat to your daughter by a specific person?  If there has been conflict between the two roommates, I can see them wondering if a false accusation is being made.  (I am not suggesting that your daughter is making a false accusation, I am just saying that if I were a university official without more information, I would not see it as any more likely that Student A leaves a knife pointing at a picture as a threat than that Student B would either make a false accusation or misconstrue a situation.)

[Catwoman]

Whatever happened with your DD's long distance "friend"? Did that ever get resolved?

  

Good question esp. since some of the falling out was over your dd's boyfriend who is into cutting.

 

I have been wondering the same thing.

[JustEm]

Asking this with caution because it may be sensitive and some may take it the wrong way, but I've read the other issue you've had with dd.  Is there anyway that she is overreacting or being convinced its a bigger deal than it is by her boyfriend?  I only ask because the boyfriend sounds like an attention seeker or someone who deliberately tries to mess with people's emotions (ex. he had a twitter account and closed it down, in my eyes, to get a reaction out of the people who follow him.)

[Only me]

Dd is staying with friends the remainder of the semester and will not go back to her dorm room alone. She is taking her valuables with her. I spoke to the residential director. He has been trying to get a hold of the roommate but she has not returned his calls. The police are also supposed to contact her today. Since roommate is graduating and dd won't be there next semester we are just concentrating on keeping dd safe and letting her feel safe. We are letting the police and residential director handle it but I'm going to follow up with them Monday. They offered a single dorm room for dd but she feels safer staying with friends.

 

I don't think dd is over reacting and had actually handled it well. She spoke to her therapist today and the therapist as well as resident director and police say she did the right thing. They took a picture of the knife and picture. Knives like that aren't even allowed in dorms and dd never saw roommate with it before. We are pretty sure roommate is just trying to be mean but the police agree that dd needs to be careful

 

As far as the online relationship it turned out to be just a small part of their problems. Roommate has become very jealous lately of everything dd does and wants to know her whereabouts at all times and was constantly harassing her about what she is doing, where she is going etc. They also had a bit of a falling out last year. I thought it was resolved but I guess things haven't been the same since. Roomie was cheating on her boyfriend and tried to get dd to lie and she wouldn't. It's more involved than that but too much to say on here.

 

Dh and I had a good talk with dd about online relationship. We are giving dd sometime to think about what we said. They are still talking but I think dd is really considering some of the things we said and now seems a bit more open to our advice. We are keeping a close eye on her and keeping communication open and will talk more over Xmas break.

[jelbe5]

Your plan sounds really good. My dh works at a university and I asked him how he thought his employer would handle a perceived threat. He said it could be difficult if there was not already some type of documentation of previous incidents and if it was a "she said, she said" type of situation. I guess that makes sense but I would not be happy if my kid called up to report what happened to your dd.

 

I am glad the school did offer an alternative room to your dd. It does seem as though they were trying to work things out. If students are not supposed to have that type of knife in the dorm room I still think they should take action but I'm guessing they just want to deal with things for the next couple of weeks knowing both girls will be leaving at the end of the semester.

 

ETA - I apologize if I came off as a saying "You MUST do xyz NOW!" I just kept thinking of how action was not taken for the Virginia Tech shooter, the man who shot Gabby Giffords or the Aurora, CO shooter when they were students. There were warning signs with each of those individuals but they fell through the cracks with tragic results. I would not want anything bad to happen to your dd or others.