When do you say you homeschool?

[Seeking Squirrels]

I'm wondering at what point in a conversation you mention that you homeschool. Do you clarify as soon as someone ask what grade your DC is in? Do you wait until it's relevant to the conversation? Avoid as long as possible?

 

I never know where the balance is between over-share and lie-by-omission. I don't want to look like I'm avoiding sharing the info or hedging around it, but I also don't know if I should be putting it out there to every person who asks a simple "what grade" question.

 

I know, I'm probably over thinking this. I'm not stressing over it or anything. I'm just curious what every one else does.

[LiveforLaughter]

Usually as soon as school comes up in the conversation, I tell them that we homeschool. Sometimes that's when asked what grade they are in or what school they go to / or what teacher they have. I guess it depends on how I think they will react.

[Joshin]

As soon as school/education/grade or what ever is relevant comes up. Usually pretty early in a conversation. The "what grade" question is not an easy one for my youngest son because he is technically in a much higher grade than his age. I feel it would be doing him a disservice to give his age-grade to avoid the question, because it negates the hard work he chooses to put in to perform above level. My kids are usually with me when this question comes up, so I just mention we homeschool and let the boys answer the grade question as they see fit. I also want to avoid the boys developing any feelings of shame over our educational choices, which I'm afraid dodging the question or lying by omission could foster.

[Santi]

Dd and I both say it when people ask what grade she's in. She does higher level work than her grade level but is also behind a grade because of a year with lots of social issues, and she doesn't want people from her old school to know that right now. Whenever we say we homeschool people usually say something asking how it works and drop the the grade question entirely.

[Mom2TheTeam]

When it is relevant, I mention it.  It isn't relevant if they just ask what grade they are in or what they are learning in school.  It's relevant if they ask what school they go to or ask if they have friends in their class or whatever.

 

My kids bring it up more quickly than I do because they love to chat and they love being homeschooled.

 

I'm not trying to hide anything, nor am I worried about judgement.  It's just that I don't feel the need to open myself up to questions or comments from the cashier at the grocery store or the receptionist at the eye doctor or whoever else we may meet in passing.

 

However, if we are in a situation where we are meeting new people that we will probably see again or we are in a situation where we are "mingling," I'll bring it up more easily.  It is a conversation starter after all.  ;)

 

ETA - I don't feel like I'm lying by omission at all and I'm a very honest person.  I don't have to tell everyone my life story.  They ask what grade my kids are in and I answer they are in K and 2nd.  What are they learning?  American history, Flying Creatures, etc.  If they asked what time they get home from school and I answered with what time they are normally done with our homeschool, I would feel that was lying by omission.  If they ask what school they go to and I used a cryptic name for our HS that sounded like a private school name and didn't qualify that it is actually our HS, I would feel that is lying by omission.  But, I don't feel that us HS'ing is relevant to all educational questions.  Just as it isn't relevant how I birthed my babies when my children's birthdays come up.  :D

[Element]

I wait until it's relevant and generally try to avoid bringing it up with total strangers, for time-saving and awkwardness-avoiding purposes. I don't need to discuss my children's educations with every obnoxiously chatty cashier.

[Ellie]

I'm wondering at what point in a conversation you mention that you homeschool. Do you clarify as soon as someone ask what grade your DC is in? Do you wait until it's relevant to the conversation? Avoid as long as possible?

 

I never know where the balance is between over-share and lie-by-omission. I don't want to look like I'm avoiding sharing the info or hedging around it, but I also don't know if I should be putting it out there to every person who asks a simple "what grade" question.

 

I know, I'm probably over thinking this. I'm not stressing over it or anything. I'm just curious what every one else does.

 

When it's actually germane to the conversation. Even though I don't believe that homeschooled children are "in" "grades," I always know what grade my dc would be in if they were in school, and that's what I tell people in casual conversations. Otherwise, there's often just no point in mentioning that I teach my children at home.

[Farrar]

I'll tell anyone.  Like, if a cashier says something like, "Oh, day off from school, huh?" then I'll say, "Actually, every day is.  We homeschool."  But I don't think I ever have to say anything.  I suppose it would be weird if someone I was going to see again repeatedly like a neighbor or my hairdresser was coming close to specifically asking and I didn't say anything.  That feels a little secretive, and I'm not a secretive person.  But if someone was more private like that, then to each their own, I guess.

[8filltheheart]

This is not a conversation that intimidates me in any way anymore.   Back when I first started homeschooling and a lot of people had still never even heard of homeschooling, I tried to avoid it.   BUt now that it is fairly mainstream, I refer to homeschooling when it is appropriate.

 

[ErinE]

After asking grade, people usually ask what school the kids go to. We tell them then. If we don't get asked about school, I don't mention it.

 

ETA: it's not because I'm secretive or lying by omission, it's just that questions usually follow and I don't always want to spend time explaining our history and reasons for homeschooling.

[Mergath]

It seems to come up right away for us because the first thing people ask dd is, "So are you going to kindergarten this year?"  I don't think it's oversharing to tell someone that you homeschool if you're talking about school in general.  Maybe if I introduced myself like, "Good afternoon, I'm Mergath and I homeschool.  Here's a mommy card with the list of curricula we use and dd's reading and math levels," that might be oversharing. ;)

[regentrude]

I say that I homeschool when it becomes relevant to the conversation. It do not see homeschooling as something shameful that I have to hide, nor as something that should make me uncomfortable to discuss. OTOH, if kids and schooling related issues are not topic of the conversation, I usually do not mention.

[Piper]

When asked grades, we just tell them what grades.  I only mention homeschooling if we're asked which school the kids attend (which I'm finding is inevitable), or if some question or comment comes up about "having the day off school" or something similar.  So unless it's necessary to answer a direct question or address a direct comment, I don't see the need to mention it.  But that's not to say that the kids don't! :laugh:

[Soror]

I mention when it is relevant. Quite often when people start asking about school with our children they don't really want that much info but are just making polite conversation.

[Seeking Squirrels]

As soon as school/education/grade or what ever is relevant comes up. Usually pretty early in a conversation. The "what grade" question is not an easy one for my youngest son because he is technically in a much higher grade than his age. I feel it would be doing him a disservice to give his age-grade to avoid the question, because it negates the hard work he chooses to put in to perform above level. My kids are usually with me when this question comes up, so I just mention we homeschool and let the boys answer the grade question as they see fit. I also want to avoid the boys developing any feelings of shame over our educational choices, which I'm afraid dodging the question or lying by omission could foster.

That's a good point I hadn't considered. I don't want my girls to start picking up on a reluctance to "admit" we homeschool. I'm completely confident in our decision and I want them to know there is nothing to hide.

[Seeking Squirrels]

When it's actually germane to the conversation. Even though I don't believe that homeschooled children are "in" "grades," I always know what grade my dc would be in if they were in school, and that's what I tell people in casual conversations. Otherwise, there's often just no point in mentioning that I teach my children at home.

*I* don't think a grade level is important, but my 5 yo was beyond excited to be a kindergartener this year. She is all about having a grade to call herself. I'm not even sure where she got the idea.

[G5052]

When it comes up.  It really isn't much of an issue any more.  Some react, some don't.

 

Sometimes people ask my teens where they go to school, and they're very comfortable saying that they're homeschooled at this point.

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't tend to bring it up much.  My friends know that we homeschool and don't need to be told.  My family knows that we homeschool and don't need to be told.  Most cashiers and other people we meet while out on errands don't ask or if they do ask are making small talk that doesn't need a lot of detail.  If my kids are asked what grade they are in, they tell the person what grade they are in.  If someone (rarely) asks what school they go to, they will say that they are homeschooled.  If I meet someone new, we chat about all sorts of things.  Sometimes homeschool comes up, but often it doesn't.  I figure if they start to become friends it will come up sooner or later.  I don't consider where our kids go to school to be all that important to the friendship process.  

[Mom0012]

I avoid it as long as possible, but it usually comes up within the first ten minutes. If someone asks me what grade one of my children is in, I just state the grade. The next question often is what school they attend or enough of the conversation starts to be about school that I feel I have to say something. It just seems to be the common ground topic that a lot of moms start with.

 

The reason I'd like to avoid it is that it often seems to shut down the conversation, not because I'm ashamed or afraid to discuss it.

[NicAnn]

I mention it a lot. Homeschooling infiltrates into all aspects of our life, and I'm proud that we homeschool. So it gets brought up a lot.

[CrunchyGirl]

It usually goes something like:

 

DS: Says something insane for a 6 year old.

Random Person: OMG how old is he?

Me: 6

Random Person: How is that possible?

Me: We homeschool.

Random Person: Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

[Incognito]

I say we homeschool when people ask what school we go to, or when they ask why my kid is not in school. :)

 

I generally gague if I am going to know this person long term if I bother to discuss it otherwise.  A person I'll meet once or know only casually is not someone I am going to bother telling unless it comes up.  Someone who is more invovled in our lives will come upon the fact after a short enough time, so I let it be.

 

It sounds like I hide it - I don't at all.  But I don't go out of my way to bring it up.  It comes up of its own accord often enough. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wanted to say that when my kids were young (like younger elementary) we got the "where do you go to school" question a lot more.  Now that my kids are older, we don't get that question so much.  People are much more likely to ask my kids their interests and extracurricular activities.  

[JBJones]

We try to avoid it as long as possible. It's not that we don't want people to know, it just seems to cause problems. The parents and their children seem very close-minded here in our town. DD usually says she goes to private school.

[mmeblue]

Pretty much when school comes up in the conversation.  Since I used to teach at a private school, many people associated with the school assume that my kids are/will be going there.  I get, "So, is your oldest at [private school] yet?"  Well, she's not quite old enough, but we're going the homeschool route actually.

 

If a cashier or someone asks DD what grade she's in (which they do, because she's very tall for her age), or where she goes to school, she is quick to answer that "we do homeschool, and I'm in pre-k."  There's a large homeschooling community around here, so for the most part, people just say, "Oh, that's nice," and either ask questions about our curriculum or move on to something else.  

[boscopup]

If they ask a question about school, I'll say we homeschool. For example, if they say, "No school today?", I'll answer, "Oh, we homeschool." It's not a big deal.

 

If they ask what grade, I just tell them grade by age. My kids know the difference between the level they work at and the grade they're in. I'm not going to tell people my 4th grader is in 7th grade because he's doing some 7th grade subjects. It's so obvious that he's not 12 years old that it would be seen as bragging. And really, they don't need to know the levels he's working at in various subjects. Being in 4th grade means he's around 9 years old, nothing more. And if all they're wanting to know is his age, the fact that we homeschool doesn't matter.

 

I'm absolutely not afraid to say we homeschool. I'm confident in our decision. What other people think doesn't bother me.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

Sometimes I let it go a bit and slip in things DD is doing that are either obviously above grade level, or just sound way too cool to be a public school thing.  DD is usually the one to come right out in response to most of the "day off from school?" sort of questions.  I get the similar "day off?" questions, or the dreaded "giving mom a break?"  That's another cue to drop the HS bomb.

[SailorMom]

I have no hesitation in talking about it.  I don't bring it up unless school, grade levels, or professions come up though - just because it wouldn't make sense to in any other context, really....

[2_girls_mommy]

Haven't read the responses.  But as to the OP, I don't say it when they ask what grade they are in, only if it is relevant to the conversation.  But if we are at a museum or a children's activity and someone randomly asks what grade they are, I just answer that only.

[Dmmetler]

I do when someone asks what school she goes to, but not when they ask for a grade level. DD tells just about anyone who asks anything about school that "I'm homeschooled".

 

 

 

[coffeegal]

I do when someone asks what school she goes to, but not when they ask for a grade level.

:iagree:  Usually people asking for grade are actually asking for age, so I only comment when asked which school the children attend.

[IceFairy]

This is a pretty small community so when someone asks where you live (which is stated by the name of the area you are in within the Valley) the next thing that is said is "so they go to xxxx school". Thats when I say we homeschool.

[Arcadia]

The only thing people ask me is my kids grade levels and sometimes their age.  No one has ever asked which school my kids go to maybe because there are just so many schools in this densely populated area.

[Dmmetler]

My experience is that the "what school" question often is "do you live close enough to us that the kids could play?"-because my geographic area is huge, and elementary school zones are small enough to narrow it. So, I'll often answer "We're zoned for Ellendale, but we homeschool", because that helps the person to realize "Oh, you're just a few blocks from us!" if that's the case. I've heard private school and charter school parents answer the same way-"We're zoned for Bartlett, but she goes to Harding".

 

 

 

 

 

[PeacefulChaos]

When it's relevant.  

Not necessarily when grade is mentioned, but not necessarily at the point where they ask where they attend, either.  Just whenever it comes up.

[PeacefulChaos]

weird double post.  sorry!

[MerryAtHope]

I answer at the same point I would answer if my kids went to public or private school. I don't feel the need to advertise, but if the "where" comes up, or the "do you like your teacher" question to my kids--then it's natural to include!