CPS is just stupid

[Pamela H in Texas]

So I have an underlying current of extreme depression and worry going on.

Then it seemed worse the last few days.

Then I had a couple bad days in general.

Then my kids have been spending weekends with fictive kin.

Then CPS just has to top it off with their stupidity.

 

I swear there must be courses like these for CPS workers:

 

101 - How to talk out your butt

102 - How to blow smoke up other people's butts

103 - How to lie and talk out both sides of your mouth

201 - How to cause the most damage to children

202 - How to make every positive a negative

203 - How to make every negative traumatizing

301 - How to treat foster parents as poorly as possible

302 - Remember Foster Parents are lower than Dog Poop

303 - Advanced treating Foster Parents poorly

401 - Make as many moves as possible for each child

402 - Make sure you move children at the most inopportune times, preferably with no notice

403 - How to cause Attachment Disorders - the whole goal

501 - Take responsibility for nothing

502 - Remember that NOTHING is about the children's best interest after removal

503 - Advanced Not about the children

 

The children are moving (not necessarily a bad thing).  The children are moving (but of course CPS has to make it as bad as possible for the foster family and children).

 

Blog has a few more details though I should have just posted this instead <sigh>

[jelbe5]

((((Hugs))))

[Kim in Appalachia]

:grouphug:  

 

I really feel for the kids who have to be put through it. Their lives were bad enough, and then a feckless bureaucracy does what it can to make it worse. 

 

:grouphug:

[Ellie]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Laurie4b]

Yep. The system is broken.

[loulou belle]

Actually, most social workers rack up thousands of dollars in college debt, make pennies for pay, spend hours away from their own families to help others, and spend money out of their own pockets to help their families and kids. 

 

And no, none of my college courses were on the topics you posted.  But thanks for asking.  :glare:

 

Yes, the system is broken.  I have had to return kids home that should have never been returned.  But, you know, I was court ordered to do it. 

 

Stupid and uncaring and irresponsible?  No, actually.  I wasn't and none of my coworkers were either.

 

OP.  Sorry you are having a bad day.   

 

 

[BlessedMom]

:grouphug: I am sorry you are hurting. :grouphug:

Having btdt I can sure relate to the pain and the frusturations that exists in this ministry to hurting children.

May the Lord bless you with the peace & strength you need for this day & the continuing foster care journey.

 

[Amy in NH]

It sounds like you could use some pharmacological help.  You've been down (rightly so) for quite some time now and it doesn't appear to be improving.  It must be affecting your family.  Please see your doctor and get some help, if not for yourself then for them.  :grouphug:

[celticmom]

:grouphug:

[Scarlett]

Actually, most social workers rack up thousands of dollars in college debt, make pennies for pay, spend hours away from their own families to help others, and spend money out of their own pockets to help their families and kids.

 

And no, none of my college courses were on the topics you posted. But thanks for asking. :glare:

 

Yes, the system is broken. I have had to return kids home that should have never been returned. But, you know, I was court ordered to do it.

 

Stupid and uncaring and irresponsible? No, actually. I wasn't and none of my coworkers were either.

 

OP. Sorry you are having a bad day.

Yes the system is broken and Pamela and many of her foster kids have suffered terribly from it.

 

This wasn't about you.

[Dandelion]

I'm sorry, Pamela.  Thank you for all that you've done and continue to do daily for the precious children in your care.   :grouphug:

[houseofkids&pets]

:grouphug: Sorry that all of you are going through this.  Heartbreaking for you and those children.

[Gentlemommy]

I agree with you Pamela. We just suffered a huge huge loss when they moved our FS. I won't go into details, but basically, because of his SW, his mother didn't get the help she needed (and was agreeable to, provided she get financial help), her rights are being terminated, baby boy was supposed to be moved in with his bio brother, but again, because of the SW's lack of...oh I don't know DOING HER JOB??? He was taken from us, a stable, loving home that had him from birth, and put him into another temp home. And not the one with his brother, which was the reason they gave for moving him. We are broken hearted and I have sworn off foster care. I know I should be able to deal, put my big girl panties on, and help. At some point though, you just have that knife put in you one too many times. And my kids. :-( My middle dd has still not recovered and cries for him frequently.

Anyway. I know not all CW are like the one we had to work with. Actually OUR CW is incredible. We love him, and actually had him and his wife come over for dinner lol. Unfortunately, he seems to be the exception.

[Harriet Vane]

Actually, most social workers rack up thousands of dollars in college debt, make pennies for pay, spend hours away from their own families to help others, and spend money out of their own pockets to help their families and kids. 

 

And no, none of my college courses were on the topics you posted.  But thanks for asking.  :glare:

 

Yes, the system is broken.  I have had to return kids home that should have never been returned.  But, you know, I was court ordered to do it. 

 

Stupid and uncaring and irresponsible?  No, actually.  I wasn't and none of my coworkers were either.

 

OP.  Sorry you are having a bad day.   

 

You may have been privileged not to work with stupid, uncaring, irresponsible people, but that is not the norm in any workplace, and certainly not in the child welfare system.

 

Obviously there are good caseworkers out there. We thank God for them, as well as the good GALs, CASA workers, public defenders, State's Attorneys, and judges.

 

There are also idiots in the system who are out of touch with the child, who make rotten decisions, and who treat foster parents badly. Some are simply naive or gullible or enablers--the result is still misery for the children over whose lives they have power. Those of us who know the system know these people. We do our best for the children we love around and in spite of them.

 

You don't know the particulars of Pamela's case or the people she has to work with. It is unkind for you to stomp on her pain.

[BigMamaBird]

:grouphug:

 

You've been through so much.  I'm sorry your heart keeps getting stomped on.

 

:grouphug:

[RanchGirl]

Actually, most social workers rack up thousands of dollars in college debt, make pennies for pay, spend hours away from their own families to help others, and spend money out of their own pockets to help their families and kids. 

 

And no, none of my college courses were on the topics you posted.  But thanks for asking.  :glare:

 

Yes, the system is broken.  I have had to return kids home that should have never been returned.  But, you know, I was court ordered to do it. 

 

Stupid and uncaring and irresponsible?  No, actually.  I wasn't and none of my coworkers were either.

 

OP.  Sorry you are having a bad day.   

 

"a bad day"??  color me gobsmacked.  You're a social worker and you think you have no uncaring coworkers who do more harm than good....  you're living in a dream world. 

[Melissa in Australia]

_{:grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  :grouphug:}  

[Pamela H in Texas]

I have NO doubt there are decent CPS caseworkers.  NO doubt.  I also know that some simply have their hands tied by policies, supervisors, judgments from the bench, etc. Sometimes there isn't a legal way to do what is best for the kids.

 

But when they don't use control they have or misuse it or are lazy or or or....

 

If the shoe fits, wear it.  If it doesn't, then don't.  

 

A lot of people say foster parents are this or that.  They attribute motivations to us sometimes. None of those things, positive or negative, are true so why should I get offended?  My biggest fear is that someone think too highly of me as *I* know I mess up many times daily.

 

There was NO reason my children's caseworker couldn't give us 48 hours notice so I could talk with the boys, let them pick out a special supper, get cupcakes, let my children pick out small presents for them.  That would have been nice.  It also would have been nice had they not tricked the kids' lawyer and CASA worker who also were not CC'd on the email I received just before bedtime Thursday night.  

 

These things were sorry things to do.  And I've already had a caseworker who wouldn't help a child who is now suffering.

 

It doesn't make all caseworkers bad, but just as a few bad homeschoolers or foster parents can give all a bad name....And worse, when most people can't point to very many, if ANY, good ones when we meet so many?  It makes it hard to remember there *are* good ones.  Ones who would dream of doing what the last two have done.

 

Anyway, I'm sorry I offended anyone. 

 

As for my own mental health.  I have admitted to having depression and anxiety regarding my dear sweet Monkey. Though I'm heartbroken for myself, my family, but especially her (and her new issues because of what happened to her), I have gained some peace about it also.  And I have peace about these kids moving (though I wish the caseworker had cared enough to do it appropriately for everyone involved).  I am dealing with my issues appropriately.  And the average person sees that I'm an amazing mother and foster mother despite what I'm going through internally.  Is it affecting my family at all?  I'm sure.  And yet I'm down on the floor with my kids most of every day helping them emotionally, attachment wise, academically, socially, spiritually, developmentally, etc.  My kids continue to progress beautifully because I work my backside off for each and every one of them every day.  I do need some extra support at this time and I am making sure I get what I need as that is responsible for myself as well as my family.  

 

But have no doubt, when my children, family and myself are wronged, I *am* going to get angry, whether for a short time or long.  With this situation, it's pretty short-lived.  It is what it is and now it is done.  For Monkey's situation?  That is unspeakably bad and the consequences have been horrendous.  How much is YOUR child's mental health, likely throughout childhood, worth?  Not enough to be upset that people hurt her so severely?  Maybe some people need to walk in my shoes before judging me.

[Jen in PA]

I am so very sorry that you are going through this awful situation -- but so glad to know that those kids had the chance to know the love and care that you were able to provide.

 

[Forget-Me-Not]

I'm sorry Pamela. I wish I had some words of comfort for you.

[Scarlett]

(((Hugs)))

[Mommyfaithe]

I agree with you Pamela. We just suffered a huge huge loss when they moved our FS. I won't go into details, but basically, because of his SW, his mother didn't get the help she needed (and was agreeable to, provided she get financial help), her rights are being terminated, baby boy was supposed to be moved in with his bio brother, but again, because of the SW's lack of...oh I don't know DOING HER JOB??? He was taken from us, a stable, loving home that had him from birth, and put him into another temp home. And not the one with his brother, which was the reason they gave for moving him. We are broken hearted and I have sworn off foster care. I know I should be able to deal, put my big girl panties on, and help. At some point though, you just have that knife put in you one too many times. And my kids. :-( My middle dd has still not recovered and cries for him frequently.

Anyway. I know not all CW are like the one we had to work with. Actually OUR CW is incredible. We love him, and actually had him and his wife come over for dinner lol. Unfortunately, he seems to be the exception.

I am almost 50 and have still not completely recovered. No, I still have PTSD from what I suffered at the hands of foster care, both my own and other kids my mom fostered. I still cry. :-(

[Carrie12345]

I'm really sorry. We're witnessing a really bad CPS decision right now and, as much as I want to accept it and let it go, it DOES hurt.

[Ravin]

Pam, I'm sorry you're dealing with a bad situation. My mom fostered in Texas for years, and some of the things my family has seen are ridiculous. Bad caseworkers, bad foster parents (the ones my mom calls "rack and stack" foster parents, because they provide the minimum they can to the maximum number of kids they can), bad placement decisions, bad placement changes, etc. The judges sometimes reign them in (mom saw a judge light into a caseworker for placing my sister with fictive kin for several weeks after birth rather than with my mom, who had her biological half-brother already. She came to them around 6wks old and both were eventually adopted into our family).

 

My mom worked through an agency, and usually the agency caseworkers did a good job of making appropriate transitions happen.

[Parrothead]

I am sorry.

[goldberry]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  You are brave and loving to remain in the system, I know you do it only for the kids.  Don't forget you have to be a whole healthy person to help them though.  It sounds like you are still managing to do that, which is amazing.