Renee in NC Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 My 15yo has a 17yo friend that has lived here off and on since last spring. He had family problems with a stepfather, and was struggling to make the right choices in his life. Overall, he was a great kid, and I love him like another son. However, he was living in legal limbo - no longer living at home, but not 18 yet either. For example, if he were really sick and needed to leave school, there was no one to sign him out, so he would have to just leave and end up in ISS for skipping (this actually happened.) Over the past 6 weeks or so, things had gotten particularly stressful for him. School started, the school resource officer was hounding him regularly, and he was starting to feel like he was a terrible person. The SRO was out of line, and I offered to go up the chain with it, but he didn't want to make things worse. I couldn't do it without him, as I was not his legal guardian. Things came to head this past week, and the decision was made that he would go live with his Dad in another state. I think it is a BAD decision, but I understand that he feels that he doesn't have a choice. His Dad is a recovering addict, but hasn't been clean long. His stepmother is an active addict. I don't see this working out well for a kid who is at the "Y in the path" so to speak. He says he'll be back as soon as he's 18. I told him he is always welcome here, and we would get him a ticket back if he needed it. He left this morning to start on his 2-day bus ride. I held it together until he walked out the door, then cried. I didn't want him to see me cry. Unfortunately, he came back in to get something he forgot, and felt like he had to comfort me. I just hope things work out for him. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 The poor boy. I'm glad he has you on his side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 When things get bad with his dad, I hope he turns to the memory of you being upset because he left. Perhaps some divine interception allowed him to see how you truly feel, the emotions you felt when you thought he was gone. Knowing one person/family cares can make a world of difference. Bless you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 The poor boy. I'm glad he has you on his side. The silver lining to all of this is that it helped my 15yo to see that his life isn't so bad after all. His father and I may not be together anymore, but we are both here for him. This hits me particularly hard for two reasons. One, I was a teenager who felt like no one wanted her, and I know how terrible that can be. Two, I had a friend in college whose brother felt like no one wanted him, and he ended up committing suicide. I just hope he really will call me if he needs anything. My son gave him $20 last night, and I offered more this morning, but he wouldn't take it. He'll need food on the bus ride. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 When things get bad with his dad, I hope he turns to the memory of you being upset because he left. Perhaps some divine interception allowed him to see how you truly feel, the emotions you felt when you thought he was gone. Knowing one person/family cares can make a world of difference. Bless you. That's a good point that I hadn't thought of. There was another mother and son he was living with when he wasn't here, and he is always welcome there, too. His girlfriend's parents offered any help he needed. Once he is 18 (in Feb), it will be easier to live on his own. My ds and the other kid he was living with too are planning to go see him in 5 weeks or so. It's about 12 hours away, but they are already working on plans as to how they will pay for the trip. It will give my ds something to think about other than the loss of someone he feels his is brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I think it's a good thing he saw you cry. It sounds like he doesn't have many people on his team - and to see you care so much will hopefully strengthen him for the days ahead. You're a great mom and role model to your kids and this young man. He knows you're there if he needs help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I'm sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 You're a good person to have taken him in. Another example of how family is often who we choose, not who we're stuck with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I agree that it's good he was able to see you cry - I hope he turns to it when he's faced with anything difficult; just knowing somebody cared about him THAT much. You're a good, kind woman and your son sounds like a fine young man and a great friend. I'll pray for your other "son" to have a safe journey and to make wise choices. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Can you send him packages and let him know you're thinking of him often? It might help him remember that he's not his environment, once he's in the new place, that he's more than that, and that he's loved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharpie Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Can you send him packages and let him know you're thinking of him often? It might help him remember that he's not his environment, once he's in the new place, that he's more than that, and that he's loved. I plan to. Even if it's just a card with $20 in it. I want him to know we are thinking about him. Facebook is good, too. I don't usually friend my children's friends, but I made an exception in his case once he decided to leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alef Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I agree with those who think it is good he saw you cry, he needs to know that your love for him is real and deep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Thank you for being there for this kid. I see a lot of kids who have no one. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 Thank you for being there for this kid. I see a lot of kids who have no one. Thank you. The other mom who has been taking care of him just posted to him on Facebook how much she misses him already. This kid *is* loved, and I think he is starting to realize how much. Maybe this will turn out well. It could be a new start for him. He is a senior in high school, and plans to go to college. His Dad has a car for him to drive, so he will be able to get a job (that was hard here because we are so rural.) I am trying to think of the positives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 You are a good person and it is obvious you have impacted him positively already. I hope his Senior Year with his dad goes well and he is able to grow up healthy and happy. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Hugs to you. We've been in a similar situation. With no legal standing it leaves you helpless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegasus Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Is it possible to get an open-date bus ticket? If so, I'd get him a return trip ticket NOW and send it to him. He can use it when he's 18. . .or if things with his Dad go bad, he can escape back to where he has people who care about him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 My mom took in one of my friends in a similar situation when we were teenagers. My friend stayed with us for awhile and then left on what turned out to be quite an odyssey. But in the end she met a nice Navy man, married, and has a teenager of her own now. She's got a great life but it she took a long path to get there. She's on good terms with the people who told her they would be there for her, but not her dad, who was the one she clashed with the most and who was the most judgmental. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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