FairClaire Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I have two good friends that I know well and used to see often, but one is now going through a separation with her spouse and the other one is always home with sick kids. I'd like to make a few new friends, but I haven't done it in awhile (at least a close friend) and it's not something that comes naturally as I'm not usually very outgoing. With your five closest friendships...Did you inititate the friendship or did the other person? Where did you meet your friend? Are your kids friends with her kids? Do you mostly spend time with your friend with or without kids/rest of the family? Being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, with toddlers (plus big kids of course) can make it difficult to find time/energy for friendships, but they are much needed! Any tips/experiences for making/finding time to spend with friends is appreciated!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 well you have more friends than me :coolgleamA: My closest friend is DH. I don't really have any others. I just don't have the time or inclination to cultivate any more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairClaire Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 DH is my closest friend too, but it's nice to have a friend to call to do things he doesn't enjoy or to talk to about things he can't really relate with. I don't usually have a lot of friendships at a time, but the ones I do have I really try to make time for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I've met friends at church, the Y, the library, the neighborhood. . . I don't really know who initiated the friendships - we just said "hi", had some chit-chat which led to more deeper chit-chat etc. I'm older so most of my friends do not have kids at home. We often visit at my house (they invite themselves over) or sometimes go out to lunch without the kids. When my kids were younger, I just brought my kids along but my kids knew that it was "Mommy's visiting time". We also e-mail or talk on the phone. ETA - my longest close friendship is 38 years in the making. Many of my friendships have lasted over 20 years through all sorts of life changes. My most recent close friendship is a couple of years old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 dp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 My brother is my best friend. I've always known him. :p My best chickfriend is Ibbygirl and she lives in Florida. I have two other chick friends but they both live an hour and a half away. One came through my register at work one day, and I talked her into being a scout leader with me. The other I met at uni. I haven't made any friends since because we've moved too often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I have 2 friends who I am the closest to, but for me that means we talk every couple of months. one was a co-worker but now works for a different company. one was a fellow home school mom in a program we used be part of My other friends are coworkers, or neighbors. If one of us left, we wouldn't keep in touch for long because we just don't have much in common, but due to logistics we talk almost every day. My friends have usually had kids the same age as my kids, and that is our connection. Once our kids stop hanging out, we lose touch. One of my friends was a fellow swim parent, but over the past couple of years we have drifted apart. They are very wealthy and we are not. Once we no longer had a child in the same sport, we had very little in common. I work in pharmacy and we all work in about 500sqft. We become friends and share life stories. Aside from a couple of exceptions over the years, once one of us moves on, we tend to lose touch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I'm an introvert. I suspect my idea of friendship/what I want in a friend is different than an extrovert, maybe. I think every single friendship I have or have had all my life was initiated by the other person, in that she is the one who suggested we do x or y together, made the first phone call, etc. I don't like rejection and I'm truly shy...so I'm not one to reach out to others initially. Anyway, I met my closest friend via church, pre-kids. Another friend I've known since high school and another was my college roommate, so I met her on move in day. Another friend I met at a homeschool event and the other also through homeschooling. I wouldn't know how to make a friend now...which is sort of a problem, as we've moved and I'd like to really get to know someone locally. If I were more outgoing I think it would probably be easier. I think you need to see/have contact with someone on a regular basis to really grow a new friendship. So doing something where you see the same people over and over would help I would think. That said, my 3 closest friendships were things that just clicked from the beginning and, truly, before all of them I had prayed for a friend. These three are friendships that have weathered a lot and been invaluable. I don't think God is a santa clause granting wishes. But I think He knew, in those 3 cases, that we were really going to need each other in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 With my closest friends, it seemed like it was a mutual initiation. We were just hanging out in the same circles and got to know each other better over time at group events. Eventually, we made plans to get together outside of those group events and developed closer relationships through that 1:1 time. I met my two closest friends through a women's social group on www.meetup.com about 5-6 years ago. The three of us have had a standing breakfast get-together every two weeks for three years now (we get together in between when we can too - but it's nice to know that we can always count on that bi-weekly breakfast). We generally meet without our kids, as one has adult kids and the other has a 3 year old. So we're all at different stages. My other friends are moms I've met through homeschool groups and autism support groups, DD's former preschool, as well as former work colleagues. I see my homeschool/autism support/preschool friends at meetings several times a month or when we arrange playdates, and I see my former work colleagues a couple times a year (for a dinner or happy hour) but we mostly keep in touch via Facebook/email. As for tips, my main tip would be to put yourself out there. Making friends is really a numbers game. In my experience, for every 10-20 people you meet (it may be even higher) you might click with one person who has real friend potential. And then all kinds of other factors come into play that will affect whether a friendship develops (schedules, interest level, etc.). Get involved in groups that interest you (either as a family activity or a personal interest of yours if you can make time to go by yourself), and then go regularly. Again, I've found Meetup to be a great place to meet people who share my interests. If you live in or near a larger city, chances are there are some Meetup groups near you. You could also check out Yahoo groups in your area (www.groups.yahoo.com) or just google for groups that align with your interests in your area. Once you find a group (or groups), go regularly. Friendships take time. Good luck! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara in AZ Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 [quote name="FairClaire" post="5193638" timestamp=" With your five closest friendships...Did you inititate the friendship or did the other person? Where did you meet your friend? Are your kids friends with her kids? Do you mostly spend time with your friend with or without kids/rest of the family? Being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, with toddlers (plus big kids of course) can make it difficult to find time/energy for friendships, but they are much needed! Any tips/experiences for making/finding time to spend with friends is appreciated!! Okay, I've got mine in mind. I've got a group of about 4-5 women that I have become really close to over the last 10-12 years. It seems like we've been best friends forever, but the reality is that we knew each other individually for a long while until over time we've gotten to a point where we've become kind of a unified group with the expectation that we're all invited whenever anything happens. Mainly we all met at church, although we don't all attend the same congregation anymore, and my relationship with several of them began in a La Leche League group. Amongst us all our kids cover every age from 2-12, and they have fun together, but we only get together as families every once in a while. None of them home schools, and we're all really busy. Sometimes we go out to dinner or a movie, but mostly we get together after the kids are in bed at somebody's house with some snacks and chat into the early hours of the morning. We do that on average once a month. DH travels on occasion for work, so I always invite the girls over then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 My best friend has been in my life for over 20 years. Her mom, my second best friend died last year, introduced us. I was introduced to her mom socially and she became a second mother so best friend is sort of a sister. My kids favorite aunt and more of a family member. My other friends are not as close as that. Mostly mom friends who I get along well with. A couple would remain longterm friends if I left here. Most would drift away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I have three best friends. One I've known since second grade, the other two we've known since high school. We're all 50 now. We e-mail all the time, talk on the phone occasionally, and get together for lunch several times a year, almost always w/o DH's but sometimes a kid or two will come along. One friend doesn't have kids, and the other two have daughters who are several years older than my sons. So there's never been a huge deal of interaction between our kids. They're the kind of friends who would do anything for me, anytime. And I'd do the same for them. I'm an introvert, so that's plenty to fill up my friend need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSOchristie Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I have my best friend from high school and college, who lives about 45 minutes away. We try to make a point to get together 2-3 times a year at a restaurant/book store between us. My other best friend lives here in town, I met her through MOPS, and we CC together. She lives about 10 minutes from me, her boys are 6, and nearly 5 twins, so our kids are very close in age. We have play dates frequently. I have another friend that I actually met because our sons love each other. My dh and her dh are friends, too, outside of our friendship. They live in our neighborhood, so that is super convenient for impromtu dinners and playdates. I have a new friend that I met through church, her kids are exactly the same ages and sexes as mine, we are like a match made in heaven :). It is very easy to be with these women because we get together with the kids, and sometimes whole families because my dh likes their husbands, too. I stay in touch with my five best friends from college. We email/facebook at least once a week, and get together for the weekend twice a year. I love those girls, we have been through nearly everything together! We have been friends for exactly as long as not, 18 years :). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I had one friend while my kids were young. We met through a homeschooling group that did field trips and had park days. Can you meet other ladies that way? I enjoyed being with other homeschoolers. That doesn't work anymore now that my only homeschoolng child is 17. I wish I had cultivated more friendships from that period. My one friend dropped me and I haven't had a friend outside of my DH for a long time now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I have 2 really close friends I initiated with one and it was sort of mutual with another. I bet both through groups- one though hs co-op and another through LLL. Both I thought would make good friends so I tried to cultivate a friendship. If I like someone and think we have a fair amount in common then I try to spend more time with them and get to know them better. So, I definitely think it is worthwhile to seek out groups and see if you cannot find someone that way. If you stay at home you most certainly won't find any :) Those kind of meetings allow for chances to do a bit more than chit chat and can be a good lead in to something more. Of course I do have to say that I've met many more people that I'm not close friends with but really great friends are rare. Sometimes I've thought someone would be a great friend and when I've tried to take things a bit further it did not work at all. It gets easier and easier to discern over time and with more interactions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I met my closest female friends through a mothers' group we all belonged to when our kids were younger. I joined when ds was six weeks old so I've known one woman for twenty years now! (That is just amazing to me since I moved so often growing up and as a young adult.) When the kids were all younger we met with the kids for park days, playgroups in smaller groups, and for field trips to the zoo and the like. We also met twice monthly in the evenings without the kids---once a month was a social meeting and once a month we'd have a speaker. In fact, that's where I first learned homeschooling wasn't just for hippies or the extremely religious :) Not everyone could make every meeting, of course, due to traveling husbands or other conflicts, but we had a great group of 50-60 women. As the kids grew older and were all in school (remember this is only my fourth year of homeschooling despite having two kids in college) we instituted a monthly coffee morning. We meet at various coffeehouses in the area from 8:30/9-10:30/11 and people drop in and out as schedules permit. Some friends work part time, others substitute teach, one has that day off (she's a hairdresser), some work from home, and I homeschool. There is such value having longterm friends who know your background, who can rejoice with successes (jobs, school, kids) and cry with pain (miscarriages, ill children, death of parents, now someone with a marriage in trouble.) We've gone away for weekends together, too. We usually have access to family members' beach houses during the offseason. One time maybe ten years ago we stayed at a hotel in the dead of winter (it was cheap!). There was a group of friends there in their mid-fifties/early sixties doing what we were doing. We decided we need to be together even past that age :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 We've lived here 12 years. I met my current "best friends" at church, where hubby is the priest. The first few weeks we were here, some women from the church very kindly invited me to dinner at a restaurant, and introduced themselves. We had a lovely time. Since then, one has died, one has moved, one became my bible study leader but we have drifted a little since I no longer attend, and two grew very close. I tend to develop friendships by getting to the point where we can talk about things of the heart--and be real with each other. I am just not satisfied by other kinds of friendship; acquaintances are nice, but not utlmately fulfilling. When I was young, I'd have one or two besties--we'd talk and talk. When I moved, I kept up those friendships somewhat, but I feel God always provided someone IRL for me, wherever I've gone. I usually use bible study, or another study group, or prayer, or Cursillo Reunion group to provide the opportunity for deep and meaningful sharing. Not all my aquaintances are of my faith, but my besties are, tho we don't exactly agree on every doctrinal point. It takes trust and vulnerability to make those kinds of friends, and a certain amt of grace, both giving and receiving. I have to be willing to expose some of my yuck and see some of their's. I have to accept my areas of growth and theirs, too. I love my friends--I am truly blessed. (My dh is my friend, too--but on a different level. The above does apply to my marriage, tho.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Um, your most recent friendship is a couple of WEEKS old! :hurray: I've met friends at church, the Y, the library, the neighborhood. . . I don't really know who initiated the friendships - we just said "hi", had some chit-chat which led to more deeper chit-chat etc. I'm older so most of my friends do not have kids at home. We often visit at my house (they invite themselves over) or sometimes go out to lunch without the kids. When my kids were younger, I just brought my kids along but my kids knew that it was "Mommy's visiting time". We also e-mail or talk on the phone. ETA - my longest close friendship is 38 years in the making. Many of my friendships have lasted over 20 years through all sorts of life changes. My most recent close friendship is a couple of years old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 My 5 closest friends in the world are from my high school. I went to boarding school. Right now only ONE of those lives anywhere near me. But I just got back from visiting two of them on the other side of the USA. Local friends, my closest friend is from scouts and her son is the same age as mine so our boys are friends too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Um, your most recent friendship is a couple of WEEKS old! :hurray: LOL - it is amazing how we could meet and just talk and talk and talk - and not just about totally superficial stuff either! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimmy Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I have three close friends. One is my sister, one is the wife of a family friend who I went to elementary school with, the other is the wife of a man I went to high school with. Their wives and my husband were all from out of state and we all go to the same church now. I'm glad my childhood friends married really awesome women :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 That's tough. I haven't really made any new close friends in recent years. My BFF I've had since high school. That's 30 years ago.. Another close friend I met when I was working, before kids. That's 10 years ago. My sisters-in-law and I are are pretty close, too. Sorry I'm not much help. It's hard to make friends when you have young kids. My BFF and I try to make an effort once every month or two to have lunch together alone. We do get together sometimes with the kids, but it doesn't happen much for some reason. It also doesn't help that we live 45 minutes apart. But, we text all the time. And we just have that kind of friendship where we "get" each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Do online friends count? About the only time IRL I can get together with friends is when husband work schedules line up and we can get the kids together. Rarely anything more. My schedule is looser than most peoples', except during soccer time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 we have a lot in common! LOL - it is amazing how we could meet and just talk and talk and talk - and not just about totally superficial stuff either! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 My best friend is my dh and we met in high school. I have girlfriends that I can go out for pedis or coffee with, talk homeschooling and mom stuff with, etc. Sometimes I initiated conversations with those women and sometimes vice versa. I used to have a very best girlfriend. We'd been friends since high school. Last year she went through some major life changes and cut me out of her social circle. It hurt (and still hurts) very much. She was my best friend for over 17 years. None of my current friendships can compare in any way to a relationship that was built over such a long period of time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairClaire Posted September 14, 2013 Author Share Posted September 14, 2013 I'm new here and can't figure out the multiquote feature, but I'll comment on a few things anyway. There are some acquaintances that could maybe develop into friends, but being an introvert I don't like to initiate anything. Also, it does usually take me longer than many people to be vulnerable enough with a person to let them see my faults and build the kind of depth in a friendship that I'm looking for. I think I do need to try to get involved in a couple groups and then maybe be willing to step outside my comfort zone a little more often to invite someone out for coffee/playdate with kids/dinner, etc. My parents did not have any friendships (outside of their siblings) during my childhood and I do think they regret not having invested more time into those relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 I met my best friend here :closedeyes: Aubrey and I frequently comment that we can't believe that the other still likes us!! I am slowly making friends with some other moms from my children's co-op. I, too, have trouble making friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 I met my best friend here :closedeyes: Aubrey and I frequently comment that we can't believe that the other still likes us!! She doesn't understand food or Dr Who. She is lucky to have you. :001_tt2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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