Staying content while purging/ selling/ donating your stuff

[Blueridge]

Ladies, I seem to be having some struggles in this area. We have a goal of preparing to sell our house and move as soon as we are able. I have routinely purged unwanted clothes and smaller household items. Now that I am starting to sell larger or more valuable things, though, I am feeling very sad and remorseful. I remember the day we bought that table and chairs and all the school days we spent there...the girl's bunk bed really did need to go but they grew up sleeping on them...my dear old beaten-up dining hutch that Dh bought me from a craft store that was closing down needs a new home and I don't really have the room for any more but I love it...not to mention the thousands of books I cannot even face yet. I tell myself that I am pricing furniture low to bless others, but I have cried to see my old rocker go...I tell myself that when we sell this house and prepare to pack, I will be thankful not to have so much, but it just isn't helping. I am sad. These are my things, gathered over so many years. lots of memories attached, lots of money spent, too. I decide, take pictures for Craig's List, and then put off listing with but...but...but... I brought truck loads to Goodwill and want to bawl! How can I be content with releasing things?

[Amira]

One thing that helps me is to write down memories of special things we have to get rid of, or to take photos of them. Giving away our rocking chair was hard for me too, so it's also nice to see photos of me rocking a baby in it. Even if the item isn't there, the memories still can be.

 

I've also learned that it makes me content to not have so much stuff, so I focus on that too.

[Calm37]

Something that really inspired me in this area was staying in a MainStay Suite Hotel while I was at a conference for a few days. OK, bear with me here, LOL. I am in a very similar stage of life and we do have a dream of moving, too, although our move is not planned.

 

Anyway, my husband and I stayed for four days/three nights in a small, one bedroom apartment. We loved it! It was quite a revelation to have everything we "needed." It helped me to see how much all that "stuff," as wonderful and full of memories as it is, is just a weight.

 

Now, when I experience those pulls to keep things, I have that wonderful memory of freedom to keep me on task. My goal is to live in a two bedroom place and adopt a minimalist lifestyle. Everyone just laughs at me when I share this, but it is becoming more deeply rooted every time I have to clean this house!

 

Freedom! :)

[happi duck]

:grouphug:

 

I've only done this when the move date was looming so I think that made it easier.  My most sentimental stuff went to specific people which helped.

 

Is it possible that moving doesn't feel "real" yet?  That it feels like you're getting rid of things for "nothing"?

 

Can you afford to give up your garage or rent a storage unit so that you can still purge but do the selling and giving when the move is set?  You can even take the pictures and write the craigslist drafts ahead of time.

 

This is difficult stuff you're doing...

 

:grouphug:

[HomeschoolMamaOfTwo]

It sounds like you are getting rid of things before you are really ready, because you are moving.  That is hard.  If there is anyway you can keep and use the things you love so much, I would (I wouldn't say that about everything, but tables, beds, etc. are things you probably will need to replace anyway?).    But, if it isn't do-able in your new home, then I would just remember, that you aren't getting rid of the memories when you are getting rid of the things.  You can still have those memories without the physical reminder of being able to touch them.  If it helps, you could take a picture of the items to have to remind you of them as well.  That is what I would do, anyway.

[HomeschoolMamaOfTwo]

 

 

Anyway, my husband and I stayed for four days/three nights in a small, one bedroom apartment. We loved it! It was quite a revelation to have everything we "needed." It helped me to see how much all that "stuff," as wonderful and full of memories as it is, is just a weight.

 

 

I had this same revelation when we stayed in a cabin for a vacation.  We needed SO little but yet we were so happy!  It really changed my perspective.

[WTMCassandra]

Maybe you should reframe this issue. Instead of being upset with yourself that you are not staying content, perhaps you can let yourself grieve. You can know that it's time to let go of something but still be sad. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I would take a picture, let yourself grieve a bit, and then try to move on slowly. 

 

Remember the memories then Grieve then Remember why you are doing this.

 

It seems to me that if you try to jump ahead and then beat yourself up if you can't get there in one leap, you're not being kind to yo.

[aggie96]

I, too, just purged for selling our home.  Plus it was time to let go of the baby items since youngest is preschool-age now.

 

I (we) have used a variety of things to deal with the purge.

 

I kept one large-ish plastic tote per child for baby items I wanted to keep for kids and me as memories--clothes, blankets, toys, etc.  Some things we donated with the thought that it felt good to be able to help someone else.  I cried and cried while unloading the stuff at donation center and cried all the way home.  No shame in it.  It's hard to let go with so many memories attached.

 

Some things I still use but are not a perfect fit anymore I kept if it would be too much cost/trouble to replace with the perfect-fit item.

 

Some things I kept that didn't really make any sense to keep except that I just wasn't ready to let go.  DH insists on keeping a storage unit (10x8) for various things including some of this stuff.  We don't use our attic here (Texas) because our stuff has been ruined due to heat.  Occasionally, we will be in the storage unit for something, and I will see the item and be completely ready to let it go.

 

We have also taken a picture of us with some beloved toys, or rocker, or bed, before donating.  It's bitter-sweet to see babies with those items in picture and then see them grown-up a bit with same items.  Helps to keep the memories but not the stuff.

 

The items I did keep I definitely asked myself if it would last 10-20 years and still be usable or of interest.  My mom kept lots and lots of my childhood stuff.  I pulled many scraps of paper and old corsages out of a box and have absolutely no idea the story behind them.  So I try to make sure someone would have some idea of what the item might have meant without me present before choosing to keep it.  But my mom also kept (30 years) the bassinet/crib thing I slept in as a baby, and we used for my babies when they stayed at Gammie's house.  It was sooooo cool!   ...and now it's stored again for the next generation of babies!  :)

[G5052]

Yes, I've been cleaning out all summer (we're staying here though), and it is bittersweet.  Even throwing out the old, flat balls and beat up stuffed animals was hard.  Lots of memories, but teens don't need such things.

 

[Spryte]

It is so very difficult, isn't it? We are purging for a move and a radical lifestyle change, also. One thing that helps me is keeping our goal at the forefront if my thoughts.

 

Most difficult for me has been a house full of wonderful vintage items collected by my best friend and mentor. These were given to me when she passed, by her mom. I am releasing some of them now, and find that I keep telling myself, "she is not in this [insert item]." Her spirit and her memory are in my heart, not in these things. I am keeping only those things I know she'd want me to have, or that her son might someday like. Everything else I am giving to others. The fifties pottery went to a college student starting a collection, that sort of thing. It helps a bit.

[Catwoman]

It looks like I'm going to be going through the exact same thing soon. We may be making a big move, and it simply isn't practical to move everything.

 

I can part with things like big furniture without much trouble at all -- it's the "stuff" I have trouble with. I often wish I wasn't so sentimental about things. :(

 

Today, I'm determined to fill up at least one big plastic contractor bag with stuff to donate. I'm sort of cheating, though, as my plan is to go through my closets and get rid of all the clothes and shoes that I never particularly liked anyway. :rolleyes:

[LibraryLover]

I can get rid of stuff, but I can't part with art work etc. I'm storing those. The kids can trash the bins later if they want.

[Blueridge]

Y'all are always so kind and helpful. I got lots of good advice today. I do have large plastic bins for each daughter's school memories, and will add the few baby things I kept in there, too. I have someone coming this evening to look at our old pine bed furniture...lots of memories  :lol: , so maybe I can smile when that leaves. I have made a lot of progress and honestly can only remember a few things that I wish I had kept. I will be very careful not to rid myself of things to quickly. Maybe that's why the idea of a fast garage sale is traumatizing! So please tell me that I really don't need to keep the huge, heavy oak wall mirror. And the 5 extra chairs. Or the 20 year old extra refrigerator. And the heavy metal patio set that we never sit in (but my daddy gave to me). Well, maybe I should keep that set! Off to look through one more box...

[LibraryLover]

It is so very difficult, isn't it? We are purging for a move and a radical lifestyle change, also. One thing that helps me is keeping our goal at the forefront if my thoughts.

 

Most difficult for me has been a house full of wonderful vintage items collected by my best friend and mentor. These were given to me when she passed, by her mom. I am releasing some of them now, and find that I keep telling myself, "she is not in this [insert item]." Her spirit and her memory are in my heart, not in these things. I am keeping only those things I know she'd want me to have, or that her son might someday like. Everything else I am giving to others. The fifties pottery went to a college student starting a collection, that sort of thing. It helps a bit.

Ah, that stuff i'm keeping, including the depression glassware from my grandmother and great grandmother. I use it all the time. I think of my mother telling me, as she held a pink platter, "When I was a little girl, I remember my grandmother saying, 'Its nice that poor people can have pretty things'." My grandmother told me that she got drinking glasses with movie ticket purchases. I have to keep it, and always look for more. . I wish I could find a whole table setting of a particular pink design. They really are so pretty :). The drinking glasses I want are especially difficult to find.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: I think it's okay to be sad too.  We desperately needed room in our dining room two years ago.  I forced myself to sell our piano.  Now for some reason I expected dd to grieve with me, but she shrugged and said she didn't play it anyway and was finally free not to feel guilty about it.

 

I think focusing on blessing other families who will use and love stuff you've outgrown is helpful.  Taking pictures is nice too.

[PrairieSong]

I only skimmed the other replies so maybe someone else said this, but remember that even if you are sentimental about your possessions, the reason is because of your MEMORIES, which no one can take away from you.  You will always have those.  They don't leave you because you got rid of an item.  Taking photos is a good idea, if you think that will help you.

 

I am decluttering, too, but not because we are moving.  I have done this before and have rarely missed anything I've purged.  I may have felt a twinge of regret at the time, for certain items, but it goes away and then I enjoy the sense of accomplishment and peace that comes from having a decluttered space.

 

I hope your move goes smoothly!

[LibraryLover]

 Netflix comedies or Call the Midwife (for a good cry), a glass of diet coke ( yes) or sparkling water with a bit of vodka. A good laugh with my sister or friends.

[PhotoGal]

This is going to sound a little morbid, but when I have a hard time getting rid of something, I remind myself that I am going to have to part with it eventually (as in "you can't take it with you"). Someday I am going to have to part with EVERYTHING, even my family and friends. So is this extra can opener really that hard to part with now? :)

 

It might also help to think of something you might purchase after the move that will serve you in the future. That way you have something to look forward to, which makes it a little easier to let go of the past.

 

Hang in there! It sounds like you are getting a lot done!

[Blueridge]

Yes, the thought of getting a *few* nice new things when we move is always on my mind.  :D But dd and I just polished the bed and it made me sad to let it go...the man will be here in a few minutes and I imagine he will buy it. 

[KungFuPanda]

I like to think of purging stuff as gaining real estate. Square footage is expensive. Getting rid of things gives you more of it. It's like your living space grows when you purge!

[Anne in CA]

We are moving unexpectedly ourselves and the new space will be MUCH smaller. I am terrified of getting rid of the wrong things. But I'm doing a step at a time.

[texasmama]

(((Hugs))). I'm very sentimental so I understand. Just let yourself be sad for awhile. And allow yourself to keep some things you don't need just because you want to.

[texasmama]

Also, with some very special things I can only feel okay about giving them to people I know. I kept a breast pump that's mother bought me 13 years ago until my niece had a baby recently. My mother passed away in 2006 so I couldn't bear to give it to strangers or sell it. Giving it to my niece felt right, and I am not sad.

[tabinfl]

I cope better by doing extra research to find charities or people who would make good use of the things I had to get rid of. When I moved to FL, I found an organization that kept furniture in a warehouse to distribute to those in need. Good hardcover books went to the library. I left some smaller items -- bedding, pillows, etc. -- by a dumpster begind a friend's store where we knew a group of homeless individuals regularly did some scavenging. To me, these felt a lot more meaningful than having a Goodwill truck come by and take it all.

 

Locally now, there's a homeless shelter that has a thrift store which is not only a fundraiser,but also their clients (they have quite a bit of long-term & transitional housing for people with mental illnesses) get vouchers to shop for housold goods there. My kids' old toys have gone to a church preschool and the pedatric unit of a local non-profit hospital. I have also given things away to certain friends who I know can't afford a lot of new stuff.

 

I'm fortunate that we can afford to donate instead of selling, and if I feel good about where the sentimental things are going, it becomes almost a pleasure to let them go.

[Blueridge]

The man was very happy when he saw the bed and bought it. It made me happy that he wanted it. The basement is looking larger but there is much to go through and decide on. I appreciate all the wonderful suggestions that have really helped me regain a positive attitude and proper perspective. I will purge more tomorrow because I am a woman on a mission! And I need to buy groceries and gas and birthday presents, too.  :laugh:

[Maeintx]

Oh I understand.  We are moving cross country.  We had a huge garage sale.  We sold my boys' wood beds and matching dresser.  They were worn and needed to go but ugh!  And we sold the dining room table and chairs that my folks bought when I was in 3rd grade.  Double Ugh.  But both were worn and getting rickety.The chairs were missing spindles and the legs worn.  It was way past its time.  We sold them so cheap.  The young couple that is getting the table were thrilled with it for their first home. I try to focus on that, the blessing to others.

[Mom in High Heels]

Well, I'm a purger, especially as we are in the middle of a move (a packer is standing 5 feet from me wrapping up my dining chairs as I type), so I don't have trouble getting rid of a lot of things.  Furniture is not memories.  The memories are yours, whether the furniture is there or not.  No one can take that away from you.  Smile over those memories and think of all the wonderful memories they can make for someone else who might need it.  That's the easiest way IMO.  While I may not want to get rid of things (and there are things I don't, despite my purging ways), I think about how it might help someone else.  *I* don't need it, but they might.  As for smaller things, there are few toys that I hold in any sentiment.  I will not get rid of things like Indy's teddy bear (despite the fact that he's now"too old" for it *sob*).  I have a plastic tote box for each of the boys that I keep precious baby/toddler things in, like the outfits they wore home from the hospital, the bracelets they wore, cards we got in the hospital, and other small things.  

 

I'm sure I'm not making sense. All the noise from the tape guns is getting to me.  9:45am is too early to drink isn't it?

[fraidycat]

Something that really inspired me in this area was staying in a MainStay Suite Hotel while I was at a conference for a few days. OK, bear with me here, LOL. I am in a very similar stage of life and we do have a dream of moving, too, although our move is not planned.

 

Anyway, my husband and I stayed for four days/three nights in a small, one bedroom apartment. We loved it! It was quite a revelation to have everything we "needed." It helped me to see how much all that "stuff," as wonderful and full of memories as it is, is just a weight.

 

Now, when I experience those pulls to keep things, I have that wonderful memory of freedom to keep me on task. My goal is to live in a two bedroom place and adopt a minimalist lifestyle. Everyone just laughs at me when I share this, but it is becoming more deeply rooted every time I have to clean this house!

 

Freedom! :)

 

We are moving/downsizing to a two bedroom apartment in less than a month!!!  I am sooooooo extremely excited!

 

The only thing slowing me down on the purging is the fact that DH and the kids insist on having a moving sale.  I'd call the donation center and have their whole truck filled up in a heartbeat!  As it is, it's all sitting in the garage so I'm running out of room to get it out of the house.  :)

[fraidycat]

These questions help me as I'm going through my stuff:

 

1) What value is this adding to my life NOW?  Be specific about the now, not about the memories/nostalgia/sentimentality of the item.

 

2) What is the worst thing that would happen if I got rid of this? (answer 99.9% of the time: Nothing)

 

3) Am I REALLY going to use this _________?

 

4) Will I be able to find this _________ when I need/want it?  Ie: Does it have a HOME in your home that makes sense and will be remembered?

 (I am terrible about finding a "great place" for some wonderful item that "we might need someday", then promptly forgetting where I put it, so this one is important for me.)

 

5) Would I rather dust this, or play a game with my hubby and kids, coffee with friends, etc.?  I spend so much time "taking care" of *junk* (ie: cleaning house!) that could (should?!?) be spent on more worthwhile pursuits - like quality time with family and friends.

 

I hate housekeeping, so my mission in life is to reduce that particular responsibility as much as possible.

 

[Melissa in Australia]

_{:grouphug:  :grouphug:} 

[Blueridge]

It's a new morning. :) I am so appreciative of all the wonderful encouragement and suggestions! I am going to continue to focus on the basement since that is where all the things are stored that I am really not using. Posting more furniture on Craig's List today, and trying to empty a bookshelf. There are boxes upon boxes of holiday decorations and tools and crafts and goodies that I apparently do not need since they've been packed for years...Still battling with releasing some unused furniture pieces so they can wait a while before I let go. There is sadness involved with purging things I had bought with love for my former (larger) house that I just have to keep for a while longer. I have mixed feelings about all the books and curriculum because, although I need to downsize, I dream of having a homeschool room again with a large lending library. What a joy, but it may never happen. Sometimes I dream of living in one of those precious 'tiny homes' with only the essential possessions that were chosen perfectly. I also dream of owning a large home again with an attic full of memorabilia and wonderfulness for my girls to wander through...like in the books they have read lol. I guess I need to stop dreaming so much! I'm facing the day with a positive attitude and trying to remember the positive side of all this clearing out of stuff! Thanks again!

[Jeannie in NJ]

I have mentioned on here before that I had a "forced" purging done for me by Hurricane Sandy.  We had just listed with a new realtor Oct 1, she had set up a realtor open house for us for the end of Oct which of course then Sandy hit.  The realtor had us move lots of stuff to our garage, a week before Sandy.  THe garage was floor to ceiling with 9 bookcases, china cabinet, cedar chest, lots of chairs etc AND bins of most of our books (prob. about 2,000 books).  Our house is lifted up higher so it was fine but our detached garage is ground level and a dock piling smashed open the door, the flood waters destroyed everything in there, including pulling out all the bins, which opened and our yard and various neighbors yards was full of destroyed books.  Everything in the garage had to be thrown out.  Well, I was very sad for about a month but then life went on.  Our house had very little damage so we were very lucky.

 

All we have left  are 3 sofas, 2 small cherry wood bookcases, a small dining room table with 4 chairs, a couple of floor lamps and 3 sets of bedroom furniture.  I had even stored all the paintings from the walls in the garage so walls are bare now.  Here are the positives:

 

1.  very easy to clean house now

2.  when we do move, it will be a very easy move as we just do not have much to move

 

Even tho, it was a forced purging, I have lost my attachment to stuff.  I don't think I will care about stuff any more