People quizzing your kids

[Snow]

I'm editing my original post. Thank you for all your responses. Here is my update, also on post 13:

 

Good variety of responses.

 

I think I'm overly sensitive to it. DS is a perfectionist and I have struggled with him shutting down when I correct him even on the tiniest thing. I've spent the whole last year coaching him that no one knows this stuff automatically, that persistence and "showing up" is what matters in the long run, etc. So I think it just saps his already fragile confidence.

 

I think a better approach for dh would be to ask if there are any completed problems he can see from the day and have ds walk him through what he did (for now, until we work past this resistance/shutting down thing). And for everyone else, I'm going to tell ds to just say, "no thanks. I'm done with school for today." :)

[Job384]

I've told my son that he may ignore quizzing, and he does. He acts as though he wasn't even asked and starts talking about something else. If someone does it habitually, I tactfully ask the person not to do it anymore. Usually something like, "Man, he really hates being put on the spot. It's better not to quiz him."

[Arcadia]

My FIL does that for all his 7 grandchildren so it does not affect me. It is his way of small talk. My hubby quiz our kids because I ask him to. No outsiders ask me or my boys though because there is no reason to.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Generally, nobody should be allowed to quiz your kids. Their own father is not part of the general public, though, and probably should be allowed to talk to his children about what they're learning in school. :p

[Element]

I went to ps and my grandma quizzed me all the time. I never knew the answers. :)

 

Meh. I don't know. It's a little annoying, but it doesn't really bother me. I figure they would be getting quizzed whether they were homeschooled or not, and they wouldn't know the answers either way. (Neither is particularly good at recalling things on the spot.) They usually make up for it by spouting off some bizarre fact about frogs or Norse mythology.

[Spy Car]

Not the answer you'll want to hear, but my son has always been pretty good at mental math (usually better than the adults asking the questions) so his quick responses tended to shut them down pretty quickly.

 

Bill

[Lilaclady]

I don't think I will group your Dh with others quizzing him. He can explain to his da what he did and then his dad can ask him questions based on what he was told. My kiddo might tell her dad hat she learnt about the 3's times table so my Dh might ask what is 3x 6. He knows not to ask what is 3x 24 as he will not get an answer.

I generally don't allow other people to quiz my kids as there is no win there.

[DawnM]

I think it is rude, so I typically respond with asking them which years Genghis Khan ruled, who was his successor, or to name one of his most famous quotes. There are other questions in my head, but you get the idea.

 

I have a special needs child who struggles to learn unless it is something he is passionate about. So, I have very little tolerance for this stuff.

 

Dawn

[momtokea]

Tell them your kid is not a performing monkey.

[Mandy in TN]

I expect immediacy with basic computation. However, I wouldn't expect immediacy with something he just started studying.

 

When ds is not around, I would explain to dh that if we just started working on something then ds will not be able to answer. From now on, when dh asks what ds is studying in front of ds, respond with something he has mastered. For example- today we reviewed single digit addition.

 

When others ask, don't give them any info. I like the idea of telling them ds will not be performing today.

HTH-

Mandy

[luzxkm]

I've told my son that he may ignore quizzing, and he does.

[Snow]

Good variety of responses.

 

I think I'm overly sensitive to it. DS is a perfectionist and I have struggled with him shutting down when I correct him even on the tiniest thing. I've spent the whole last year coaching him that no one knows this stuff automatically, that persistence and "showing up" is what matters in the long run, etc. So I think it just saps his already fragile confidence.

 

I think a better approach for dh would be to ask if there are any completed problems he can see from the day and have ds walk him through what he did (for now, until we work past this resistance/shutting down thing). And for everyone else, I'm going to tell ds to just say, "no thanks. I'm done with school for today." :)

[PachiSusan]

Melissa freezes when she is put on the spot like that. It drives me nutso when it happens to her.

[mrs.m]

My oldest son had this happen one time in a waiting room. I don't remember what she asked. He said, "I don't know about that right now. I just learned about the Kush today. Do you know about the Kush?" :lol: The lady had no idea, even asked him to spell it, but still seemed interested in hearing what he had to say. He was very respectful but I'm pretty sure he showed her that he was learning and knew something she didn't.

 

So the joke in our house is that they should just ask about the Kush when someone starts quizing. :lol:

[Critterfixer]

So the joke in our house is that they should just ask about the Kush when someone starts quizing.

 

One of my sons loves being quizzed about math. The other would rather you ask him to conjugate a Latin verb or recite one of the many poems he knows by heart. When it is a strong area they actually like the attention. But they usually don't know how to turn a quiz in their favor, so I think I'll teach them that redirection.

As for the DH quizzing them, mine does it all the time. BUT, he is also the kind of person who will walk them through a mental calculation if it is beyond them or if they just lose track of numbers. They don't mind when Dad asks because they are probably going to learn something.

[Slipper]

One of my favorite stories came from an older lady in a church I attend. She told me that she was lightly quizzing some kids she was watching who were homeschooled. At one point, one of the youngest kids sweetly and innocently asked her if she would read them a story. She agreed and he went and brought her his favorite book. Unfortunately for her, it was written in Latin.

[mumto2]

I have never minded supportive people quizzing my dc. Dad, granpa etc. Are just fine. I don't mind the what are you learning math type questions. Or the what is your favorite subject. The thing I hate is the lets stump the home ed child because they are somehow deserving of being made to feel inferior -- even if said child is doing something far beyond what the local schools are teaching. Quiz til a weakness can be found. Makes me furious.

[Job384]

Not the answer you'll want to hear, but my son has always been pretty good at mental math (usually better than the adults asking the questions) so his quick responses tended to shut them down pretty quickly.

 

Bill

 

 

Our experience has been the exact opposite. When they find out what he can do, the questions never stop and often become ridiculous.

[momtoamiracle]

my child has never been quizzed by anyone.

 

 

he probably wouldn't answer anyway. He does not perform for anyone.

[chicagoshannon]

I had a teacher friend do this once while she was teaching Sunday School. My dd was 4 and was trying to play with the other kids. I was not happy.

[LucyStoner]

Quiz my child at your own risk. Ask him a multi digit arithmetic question and you'll get the answer and then math quiz from him on squares or cube roots or prime numbers. Ask him to spell something, he will spell it and then ask the quizzer to spell a far more obscure and difficult word. That seems to shut them up good and fast.

[PachiSusan]

Tell them your kid is not a performing monkey.

 

 

I say "Melissa doesn't like the dog and pony show!"

[CarolinaHomeschooler]

Hi Kate,

 

This is one of the most frequently asked questions at my site. Some strategies are listed in my FAQs, if you're interested: http://www.carolinah....com/afaq6.html (scroll down until you get to the quizzing question).

 

Warmly,

Dianna

[Mandylubug]

My Aunt is a retired Math Specialist that used to assist struggling children and she quizzes them BUT she has told them once they can answer all their multiplication tables mentally and instantly she will give each child 20 bucks. So, hey why not?!

 

However, I do get irritated when I feel people are quizzing to judge their educational success at home.

 

OP, I think it is good that DH wants to be a part of their day. Maybe make some suggestions of how he can quiz him more appropriately or discuss it more appropriately so that he can be part of the educational discussion :)

[dewdropfairy]

That would annoy me as well, though I wouldn't lump DH in with the rest of the lot. Fortunately, we don't get a lot of it, as I live in a remote area where homeschooling tends to be viewed as a little less "fringe" than you see in some areas.

[Dmmetler]

My DH does this to DD, and it annoys me because he tends to do it out and about (such as asking her to figure unit price in the grocery store). Well, when DD was only a toddler/preschooler, she learned that reading out loud or adding numbers in the grocery store got attention she didn't like, so to have her dad quizzing her there leads to shut down-it's kind of like in an old science fiction novel when the malfunctioning robot is given an infinite loop or an unsolvable question, and smoke starts pouring from it's head. And I honestly don't think he even thinks about the difference in context until she's falling apart.

[PachiSusan]

 

However, I do get irritated when I feel people are quizzing to judge their educational success at home.

 

 

 

Ding Ding Ding!!!!!! I hate that most of all!!

 

We were at a photo shoot and the "child advocate" was on the set. She asked for Melissa's permission slip to be there and I told her I was - she home schools. I went to talk to the photographer and when I came back I caught her asking her questions like, "What's a noun?"

and other grammar questions. She looked at me like "WTH??" and so I said, "Melissa, she's asking you to diagram that sentence from the game you're playing". She goes "OHHHH...." and proceeds to tell her what the subject is, how to draw the lines, what the modifiers are, the predicate, adj. etc.

 

The lady walked off and handed a coloring book to the other 3rd grader there and didn't say another word.

[Eagle]

I would teach your child a question to ask in return if someone asks a "school question" and he/she feels put on the spot.

 

Questioner: What is 3x7?

Dc: What is 347x262?

 

[Farrar]

Melissa freezes when she is put on the spot like that. It drives me nutso when it happens to her.

 

 

My kids too. I think this is a function of personality more than academic ability.

[Incognito]

Good variety of responses.

 

I think I'm overly sensitive to it. DS is a perfectionist and I have struggled with him shutting down when I correct him even on the tiniest thing. I've spent the whole last year coaching him that no one knows this stuff automatically, that persistence and "showing up" is what matters in the long run, etc. So I think it just saps his already fragile confidence.

 

I think a better approach for dh would be to ask if there are any completed problems he can see from the day and have ds walk him through what he did (for now, until we work past this resistance/shutting down thing). And for everyone else, I'm going to tell ds to just say, "no thanks. I'm done with school for today." :)

 

We've had some of this - DH wanting to know what we are doing and then asking questions that the kids just can't answer.

 

I think if you know what you want (which it seems like you do, seeing your second paragraph), you should supply it. Bring a few pages for your DH to see what you have been doing, and talk about that with him. Explain about your child having a hard time answering, and give your DH some specific ways he CAN talk about school that will end up with him knowing what you are doing and your child having a chance to practice narrating what you did. :) Win- win.

 

For us, I've found that I let the conversational balloon fall to the ground if the kids don't answer DH, and he learns what he can and can't ask them and expect an answer. Also, I explained about the quizzing being hard for me and them (I felt like he was testing my work or something and I didn't like it). I will prompt the kids with an idea or book we read that day - and they will often be able to tell him something about it.

 

I don't know if your child is like mine are, but whenever my DH asks what they did today, they 99% of the time tell him the last thing they did before supper. So, I joke about that with DH because for a while there I was having them watch DVDs while I made supper and it always sounded like they only watched TV every day. :) But if your child is the same you can use it to your advantage - do the thing that is easiest for your child to talk about last. :)

[Hunter]

 

When others ask, don't give them any info. I like the idea of telling them ds will not be performing today.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

And even for a parent, the child should not have to PERFORM. There are other ways for the non-teaching parent to be involved, than to demand unscheduled performances.

[Mommy22alyns]

Sometimes DH doesn't always know what the girls are up to, so I need to let him know, hey, we haven't covered that yet.

 

Anybody else, it infuriates me. I've told DH that his mom and brother's family are not under any circumstances allowed to quiz the girls.

[Snow]

Yes, i agree, it really depends on the kid. I can tell my toddler dd is going to react differently than DS. And DS is reacting differently than he did 6 months ago. So hopefully, it just keeps getting better!

[HS Mom in NC]

The only person who should be quizzing your kids is the person who teaches math. If that's not dad, then how can dad do it in a useful, constructive way if he doesn't know where you are in math? If he wants to quiz the child he can ask you (the person teaching the math) what you want the child quizzed on so he can reinforce what you're doing. If he's so far removed from where the child is that he can't ask a relevant question then he should be asking the child or you specifically what (s)he's learned in school rather than taking some shot in the dark guess at what he imagines the child might be learning.

 

I have taught my kids to never answer pop quizzes from other people. I don't quiz other people's kids who go to ps or private school and I expect them not to quiz mine. If I'm in ear shot of someone doing so, I set a clear boundary by saying, "I'm her math teacher, I do the pop quizzes during school hours. "

[stripe]

Dad is not quizzing; he is making conversation. I would be concerned if I were told that math has changed and it's all about manipulatives, but the child cannot actually add anything or explain anything. I would encourage your husband to ask your son to explain or show him, rather than trying to guess, but I think many members on here have expressed sadness that the dad is not more interested, so I don't understand the hostility towards the father being curious or concerned. I don't understand myself what the child has learned, and maybe the OP has not clearly described it in her post or to the husband. Asking an arithmetic question does not suggest to me that the child should be able to answer it in their head, to my mind. He could go get his bag of acorns or cuisinare rods or whatever and work on 80 + 80, couldn't he? I don't think my kids are the only ones who think about these things on their "off" hours. I don't mind discussing arithmetic at dinner, and neither do my kids or parents. To us, it's a normal conversation, not something we find threatening or invasive. What's wrong with saying, "Gee, I don't know!" or "Can you show me?" if Grandpa asks the seven year old what the square root of -1 is, anyway? Why do you/we have the feeling that our kids must know the "correct" answer to the question -- why are we framing it as a quiz and not as a conversation opener? Just thinking here.

 

For what it's worth, my husband asks my kids stuff they most certainly are not currently learning. Like, "so, how are those quadratic equations coming?" types of questions, using terms that my children suspect he invented. They find it funny.

[Snow]

Dad is not quizzing; he is making conversation. I would be concerned if I were told that math has changed and it's all about manipulatives, but the child cannot actually add anything or explain anything. I would encourage your husband to ask your son to explain or show him, rather than trying to guess, but I think many members on here have expressed sadness that the dad is not more interested, so I don't understand the hostility towards the father being curious or concerned. I don't understand myself what the child has learned, and maybe the OP has not clearly described it in her post or to the husband. Asking an arithmetic question does not suggest to me that the child should be able to answer it in their head, to my mind. He could go get his bag of acorns or cuisinare rods or whatever and work on 80 + 80, couldn't he? I don't think my kids are the only ones who think about these things on their "off" hours. I don't mind discussing arithmetic at dinner, and neither do my kids or parents. To us, it's a normal conversation, not something we find threatening or invasive. What's wrong with saying, "Gee, I don't know!" or "Can you show me?" if Grandpa asks the seven year old what the square root of -1 is, anyway? Why do you/we have the feeling that our kids must know the "correct" answer to the question -- why are we framing it as a quiz and not as a conversation opener? Just thinking here.

 

For what it's worth, my husband asks my kids stuff they most certainly are not currently learning. Like, "so, how are those quadratic equations coming?" types of questions, using terms that my children suspect he invented. They find it funny.

 

Glad to know your situation is working for you.

 

My situation is different. I alluded to it post 13. It's been challenging this year and given Ds's personality and issues, dh is unknowingly not helping the situation. I've already talked to him about it.

 

"Hostility" is the last thing I feel for my husband...more like, moment-in-time frustration. My glares were more of a tension reliever for me at the time, and a hope that people who have felt that frustration before could relate. I will be editing my original post since the impression I've given you makes me uncomfortable.

 

My hope is that someday it will be normal conversation for us as well, no longer threatening or invasive.

[stripe]

Glad to know your situation is working for you.

Well, I am not sure anything I've said indicates that my "situation" is working for me. That would be a serious stretch. I have tons of problems.

 

My situation is different. I alluded to it post 13. It's been challenging this year and given Ds's personality and issues, dh is unknowingly not helping the situation. I've already talked to him about it.

I did not see post #13, but some of the hostility I was amazed by, was not really from your posts, but some of the other posts that suggested very hostile responses, not really keeping in mind that this was the father of the child.

 

Maybe it would be more helpful for your husband to ask open-ended questions to your son, that invite him to show him what he's learned today. But I would be frustrated and confused as a spouse and parent to be told that math today isn't what it was when we were kids or that we need to use lots of manipulatives; that sounds like the kid doesn't know much of anything, frankly. Which is okay at some stages, but I think more explicit discussion with your husband, including when your son is not around, where you show your husband work your son has done and what you two are doing, might help. Otherwise I think he is justified to be a bit mystified about what's going on. I know my husband wants to know that our kids can add. So do their grandparents. To me, that's a legitimate concern.

 

I think many men have a sort of "bottom line" level of practical views on things, so I suspect our kids' fathers want to see that this matters to us, because they want their kids to be able to function. I would want to see some assessment of progress if someone else were in charge of my kids' math education. Maybe you need to think, if your son were in school, what feedback would your teacher provide to him and you -- homework grades, weekly progress reports, parent-teacher conferences, those sorts of small and large ways that teachers let the parents know how the child is doing, and how the parents might be able to help, and provide that type of feedback to your husband.