Amethyst Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 How can a 20 year old guy meet nice girls? He's not interested in church or bars. Any suggestions for my ds? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 School, classes, library, work. I guess the whole online dating thing is pretty popular now (Match.com, etc) we have three couple-friends who met that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Does he have any hobbies or interests? I know a lot of people who've met potential dates at ski clubs, running clubs, cycling clubs, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I met my dh at a coffee house poetry reading, and he hates poetry but was along for the ride with a mutual friend. So, I vote coffee houses. We met on my birthday. It'll be 20 years this June. :) School, classes and work are others I can think of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 College, work, groups centered around interests/hobbies, and volunteering. There are tons of interest-based groups (hiking groups, running clubs, gamer groups, etc.) on www.meetup.com. For volunteer opportunities, check out www.volunteermatch.org. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 That's tough, because all the truly awesome girls are at home reading or watching episodes of Dr. Who. ;) I pretty much agree with what everyone else has said, though. When I was dating (way back in the 2000s, lol) I usually met people through jobs or college activities. Or through mutual friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tita Gidge Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 It looks like he's a college senior - does he live on/near campus, or does he commute? Is it an issue of finding nice girls or of meeting nice girls ...? I think there's a slight difference, which suggestions ought to reflect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Game club? Mutual friends? Dinner parties? Professional trade group? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea_lpz Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Is he a young 20s or late? I think in your early 20s it's fairly simple: college, work, mutual friends, doing day to day things (I got asked out constantly at Starbucks, the bank, wherever). For mid to late 20s, and if he isn't in school anymore (or didn't go / not interested in going) and is in a career where dating co-workers would be ill advisrd or there are not many women in his field, it could be easily more difficult. My suggestions are: 1) Be more open and confident: if a girl makes some eye contact at a coffee shop, grocery store, etc. and seems responsive to some subtle non verble cues, try saying hello and making small talk. If that goes well (she'll let you know by being responsive), then ask her out in a casual date (coffee, lunch, etc) 2) dating website- it just seems to be something people do more and more now so why not? 3) mutual friends- let friends know that you'd like to meet someone and perhaps they might know someone else single and looking 4) somewhat related, get out there and go be social with friends. If invited to dinner, a party, whatever, go! It'll increase your chances of meeting someone if you are out there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in NY Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Any interest in joining martial arts? There seem to be a large number of single young adults at our TKD dojang.... and they're really nice folks ... doing something healthy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 DH met me at work, and I'm a nice girl. :) Other friends met in college, some (even the nice ones) at a college bar. There was one students went to for the dancing, even if they didn't drink. Others met at church, but you said that was out. How about through other friends? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I would be very leary of dating websites, even for males. I don't have any other suggestions, as the other ones are great! Good luck to him, he's young and has time on his side. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 book club volunteer work work hobby club Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 The key is that you have to have a reason to strike up a conversation. That is why clubs, classes and work make it easier to meet people. I agree with a previous poster about confidence. Also he might want to have a friend that is a girl give him any suggestions to improve his look/style (clothes, personal hygiene, hair cut, conversation, etc). One thing about the internet dating is that it does match up people who are also looking. I think the key to internet dating is using your profile to attract the type of person you would be attracted to. I've known several married couples who meet through on-line sites. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 Thanks, everyone, for the suggestions. Perhaps I should give a little more background. He is in his last semester of college before starting medical school in August. He feels as though he has reached a dead-end at college as far as meeting girls. He has a close friend who is a girl and he is not romantically interested in her, but I'll suggest to him to ask her for opinions about his style and presentation. He asked dh and me last night for some tips and we suggested becoming more of a regular at the coffee house in town, getting a job at a movie theater (I met lots of guys that way), and campus ministry groups that he has not checked out yet. He has volunteered at a health clinic for two years and sort of feels like that has played out also. He commutes to college, but we have always encouraged him to participate in as much as possible - they have social activities practically every Thursday and/or Friday night and sometimes Saturdays. But at this point, he pretty much hangs with the same bunch of people, none of whom he is interested in. I'll let him read all your suggestions here. I really appreciate all your ideas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenangelcat Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Everything everyone else plus OKCupid. All the 20 somethings seem to be on there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 How can a 20 year old guy meet nice girls? He's not interested in church or bars. Any suggestions for my ds? I know a lot of people that met through work, weddings of other mutual people in their lives, online, activities and hobbies, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 This is another perfect opportunity for the WTM matchmaking thread! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Another approach would be for him to think about the type of girl he wants to meet, and define her *profile* in a way. What does his *ideal girl* like to do? What are her interests and hobbies? Where does she like to hang out? Where does she shop? Who are her friends? Which online forums does she frequent? And so on. If he takes the time to really think this through, and then starts frequenting the places (both offline and online) where this type of girl would be found, his odds of meeting someone great will increase dramatically. It's not enough for him to just put himself "out there". Since he'll be going on to medical school, his time will be limited. Strategically identifying up front where the kind of girl he's interested in is likely already hanging out will make it much easier to meet someone who will be a great fit for him. ETA: Just for fun, here's my take on what this exercise might look like for a 20 year old guy. I've never been a 20 year old guy, so take it for what it's worth. :tongue_smilie: 20 year old guy thinks: "The kind of girl I'd like to meet is also a college student who takes her studies seriously (locations: hangs out in library, park, and coffee shop to study). She takes care of her health (locations: gym, popular jogging path at local park, health food store, and produce aisle of grocery store). In her free time, she likes to hang out with her friends talking about current events (locations: coffee shop, restaurants that cater to college students, and lecture hall that brings in speakers on topics related to current events)." And so on... HTH! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 this is a great thread! when i became newly single in my 30s (20+ years ago now), i realized i no longer had any idea how this worked. a 20-something friend loaned me books on dating. one of them, whose title i no longer remember, talked about learning how to engage people briefly in just about every situation. eg. its raining. you are at the grocery store. you come out and see someone getting ready to make a dash for it to their car. you offer to walk them to the car with your umbrella. connection made. i practiced on grocery store clerks, bus drivers, etc, etc, etc., learning how to make a simple one sentence observation that didn't sound nutty and was pleasant/humorous/interesting. it took a while ;). once i became less nervous, so did everyone else. lol.... but it was a great skill, and has helped me in many different areas. ie. sometimes all it takes is being mindful of our present moment and the possibilities. for me, i wanted an outdoors person, so i signed up at the y, and then randomly went at different times until i discovered that the singles who didn't have dates all went on friday nights. friends had great success joining a biking club. i went on camping trips. i asked my friends for ideas. and after several years of trying really hard, i decided to become a nun.... and just went about living my life joyously, whereupon i promptly met the brother of a friend, and the rest, as they say, is history. from experience with my older daughters, they often complained that the guys they were interested in just never noticed. so if there is a way for him to work on noticing..... on the other hand, he's not going to have so much time the next few years to devote to any kind of a relationship.... ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Does he have any hobbies or interests? I know a lot of people who've met potential dates at ski clubs, running clubs, cycling clubs, etc. Exactly. Outside activities or other hobbies usually bring you together with some people that at least share one interest with you. Also, not sure if the "not church" means he is not interested to go to church or be involved in anything to do with charity but I will just throw out there that medical missions often need people to come along and help and since he is headed to Med School, it may be an interesting trip aside from possibly meeting someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 He needs to do what he loves (if not at work, in his free time). If he loves skiing, find a ski club. If he loves helping in the community - join Kiwanis, etc. If he does what he loves, and is happy about it, the girl might just find him :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 for me, i wanted an outdoors person, so i signed up at the y, and then randomly went at different times until i discovered that the singles who didn't have dates all went on friday nights. friends had great success joining a biking club. i went on camping trips. i asked my friends for ideas. and after several years of trying really hard, i decided to become a nun.... and just went about living my life joyously, whereupon i promptly met the brother of a friend, and the rest, as they say, is history. He needs to do what he loves (if not at work, in his free time). If he loves skiing, find a ski club. If he loves helping in the community - join Kiwanis, etc. If he does what he loves, and is happy about it, the girl might just find him :) Yes, he needs to find things to do that put him in a setting where he can interact with people. But something he truly enjoys (or thinks he could enjoy) and is willing to do for it's own sake. Doing something with the primary goal of meeting a romantic partner tends to come off as creepy. from experience with my older daughters, they often complained that the guys they were interested in just never noticed. so if there is a way for him to work on noticing..... Yep. Especially if he's more drawn towards introverts. I've also found that men who complain about not being able to find anyone often have very high standards. Not a bad thing necessarily, but it narrows the playing field. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I just heard a news blurb on this and their survey revealed the successful meeting spot to be... WalMart! More practically, I like the suggestions about your son getting involved in a group(s) that does things he is particularly interested in - hiking, running, community theater, Habitat for Humanity, whatever - and look for gals that truly share his interests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I met my dh in the library during college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 It's also worth mentioning that you can meet people online participating in forums and so on. Meeting someone online doesn't have to mean an online dating site. (DH and I met on IRC) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 If he is going to med school he should volunteer at a nursinghome, he will be super popular with both the young women and the older ladies :D The young guys who worked with me during the summers when I was in school always had us young girls :drool5: drooling over them and you learn a lot of skills when working at a nursing home Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 One wonders if there is a market for a t-shirt that says, I'm a nice guy looking for a nice girl. If you're looking for a nice guy, please say "hello". Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Is he open to taking a dance class? He'd have his pick :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 It' like catching a goat. The best way is to ignore the goat and start doing something that looks really interesting. So my mother says anyway. Does he really need the complication at this point in his life? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckens Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Thoughts on this topic: --Loverboy and I met online. --Dating online is like speed dating: you can meet a LOT of people in a short period of time. You may not know when meeting them that, "I'd like to spend the rest of my life with that person, " but you can certainly decide whether or not you want to spend 10 more minutes with them. --It is hard to be alone. It is nice to have someone who thinks you are special in your life. --I have already started grooming my daughters to: Plan for a life without a partner. Fill it to the brim with things you love to do. Create your own financial security. Build many friendships for support. Life will be rich whether or not someone special comes along. --One of the happiest couples for whom I nannied met after the husband completed Medical School. --I assure you: She is out there looking for you just as hard as you are looking for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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