have you ever felt excluded by other homeschoolers?

[Walking-Iris]

Some real questions rolling around my brain lately.

 

Have any of you ever felt excluded, left out, shunned or any other unpleasant situation (no matter how slight) IN REAL LIFE by other homeschoolers?

 

Have you ever felt excluded based on a difference in religion, politics, worldview, lifestyle etc?

 

Have you had a hard time connecting with homeschoolers in your area because of this?

 

Do you tend to feel that homeschoolers in your experience are a open, accepting group? Or have you felt like they were a closed group? Closed even to other homeschoolers who did not share a particular opinion or lifestyle etc?

 

Do you feel that there are divisions within the homeschooling community (movement) at large? Or do you tend to think of homeschoolers as being a connected, unified community?

 

Thoughts.

[AimeeM]

The only real divide I've noticed in my area tends to be between those of different religions and those with vastly different homeschool philosophy (unschool -vs- classical or more traditional homeschoolers, for example).

The religious divide I think is understandable pertaining to co-ops; obviously the different religions/denominations want to use materials or teach classes reflective and inclusive of their beliefs. There is no animosity, just a divide as far as some activities and co-ops go. Many of them come together for things like classes offered at dance studios, rec centers, etc.

 

ETA: I tried to start a secular inclusive group last year. What a disaster. There was no religious divide - but the divide between homeschool philosophies broke it in less than a year.

[delaney]

Yup. Start every meeting with prayer, end it with a prayer, and if you need anything hold hands and pray for it. I don't subscribe so I don't fit in. Does it bother me? No. I have grown used to it.

[Momof3littles]

Yes.

[Crimson Wife]

Yes, for being of the "wrong" Christian denomination. What annoys me most is that the exclusive group claims that it is "non-denominational" but worded its Statement of Faith specifically to exclude certain denominations. It's their group and they can word their SoF however they choose, but I wish they would be honest in labeling it a Protestant group.

[Uggyface]

Yes! Due to circumstances my husband wanted us to try PS, so I had agreed to give it a year. The ladies I was getting to know, understood the circumstances and seemed compassionate but never included me or my kids in anything again. After that year in PS we knew it wasn't for us so we are homeschooling again, I have never been invited back to the group. Quite sad, they were a lovely group of ladies and unfortunatly the only people I know here that homeschool.

[Guest]

I have never felt like I was not welcome in a group I wanted to join. That being said, I've never wanted to join a group that held different beliefs/lifestyle choices than I do. I hate confrontation, so if I know a group is going to be a problem for me, I stay away. I do feel that there are major divisions within the homeschooling community. I definitely don't feel like we are a happy-go-lucky community. I think there is a very dark side to the moms of homeschooling, in general. (We could start our own dramatic reality show, for sure!) When I have gone to convention, I prefer to skip the keynote speeches, because I know that they will make my blood boil. We are pretty fortunate that there are many types of Christian groups in our area. Some I am comfortable with, some I am not. Because I'm not vocal, I don't ever get that excluded feeling. If I were more vocal, I would probably get resistance from some of them. There are quite a few non-Christian or different religion groups in our area, but I've never wanted to join them. I am sure I might feel awkward at those.

[klmama]

Of course I've felt excluded by other homeschoolers! Homeschoolers are not a unified community of people; they have in common the desire to educate their own children, but the reasons for that and the methods and materials chosen are going to be as unique as each individual family. Likewise, the political views and religious views are also going to differ. Those who are more alike in all of these areas are going to feel more comfortable together. Those who are extremely rigid and unable to get along with those who disagree simply have that personality, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they homeschool.

 

That said, when I've found other homeschooling families who share our intense interests, I've also found them to be more accepting of our differences. That doesn't mean they agree or that they approve of everything, but they choose to overlook those things because they appreciate what we do share.

[lillybell]

We are in a homeschool group and go to co- op. I help once a week but that is about as involved as I am with the group. I dont make religious conversation

in order to avoid conflict but they know I am not religious so I am excluded from friendly chit chat. I dont mind it though because I would much rather have friendly

conversations with someone not judging me. I think the moms are nice for the most part and I see they work hard to plan classes so I help. I mainly go so my kids can

have a fun day at co op and socialize. The classes they take are just for fun not part of our school plan.

[AimeeM]

Yes, for being of the "wrong" Christian denomination. What annoys me most is that the exclusive group claims that it is "non-denominational" but worded its Statement of Faith specifically to exclude certain denominations. It's their group and they can word their SoF however they choose, but I wish they would be honest in labeling it a Protestant group.

 

 

Been there! Before I found the catholic co-op, I joined a "non denominational" christian co-op. It wasn't until after I joined I was told I needed to sign a SOF; one that I realized I couldn't sign after I read it and I was asked to leave. I suggested that she rename her group as a protestant group.

[regentrude]

Have any of you ever felt excluded, left out, shunned or any other unpleasant situation (no matter how slight) IN REAL LIFE by other homeschoolers?

 

Not intentionally excluded, but felt left out, most definitely.

Of all the homeschooling families I know IRL, we are the only ones who homeschool for academics reasons. We have the choice of feeling excluded by people who homeschool for religious reasons, or feeling excluded by people who homeschool/unschool because they object to the institution school.

 

Have you ever felt excluded based on a difference in religion, politics, worldview, lifestyle etc?

Have you had a hard time connecting with homeschoolers in your area because of this?

 

 

Difference in religion is such a major issue that it would be practically impossible for a secular homeschooler to join the large, religious homeschool group in our area.

 

Do you tend to feel that homeschoolers in your experience are a open, accepting group? Or have you felt like they were a closed group? Closed even to other homeschoolers who did not share a particular opinion or lifestyle etc?

 

 

Homeschoolers as a whole are not an accepting group. The religious group in our area is extremely exclusive and would not accept a member who does not share their religious convictions.

The local secular group is the catch-all for people who do not feel welcome in the Christian group; that includes not just atheists and pagans, but also Christians who do not share the vehemence of the Christian group. So this group is very open and accepting to all who are willing to respect the members' extremely diverse world views and life styles.

 

Do you feel that there are divisions within the homeschooling community (movement) at large? Or do you tend to think of homeschoolers as being a connected, unified community?

 

 

LOL. Uniform community? Keep dreaming. Huge divisions: between religious and secular homeschoolers, and between unschoolers and academically motivated homeschoolers. Add to that that the homeschooling community is mainly carried by women, and you have the nastiest cat fights imaginable.

[regentrude]

ETA: I tried to start a secular inclusive group last year. What a disaster. There was no religious divide - but the divide between homeschool philosophies broke it in less than a year.

 

 

Our secular group is extremely diverse, and what is funny is that we almost never talk about actual schooling. the differences are soooo huge. When I joined, I though, maybe I could talk to people about curricula and get suggestions.... LOL.

I know that if we started discussing schooling methods on a regular basis, our group would explode.

As it is, I acknowledge that most are unschoolers and we are homeschoolers for academic reasons, so I hold my tongue. We just socialize - and that works out nicely for the kids.

[JenneinCA]

Yep. There are three places I would love to out source some of my teaching duties to nearby. One requires a letter from your clergy and an interview, another requires you to join hslda, and the third requires you to be catholic. None of that will work for us. But our options for high school level group classes are limited to those. The great majority of kids here are unschoolers.

 

The few academically minded high school age kids mostly go to the local community college or their parents hire private tutors and invite their friends to join a small class. My oldest isn't ready for a college environment, not even a community college, and the social maneuvering to get invited to the small classes makes me crazy.

 

Being on the outside again....

[kristinannie]

I am also a Catholic who actually did sign a Statement of Faith that made me feel queasy, but I was desperate to meet homeschoolers. I was in the group for a year. They were nice people, but I now know homeschoolers and don't feel like I should be involved with a group like that. It is honestly the ONLY homeschool group in our area so it is sad that they will only take evangelical Christians. Oh well!

[Erica in OR]

Have never felt excluded, but have felt the need to "edit" who I was at certain gatherings, such as in particular groups at mom's night out.

 

Erica in OR

[TranquilMind]

Some real questions rolling around my brain lately.

 

Have any of you ever felt excluded, left out, shunned or any other unpleasant situation (no matter how slight) IN REAL LIFE by other homeschoolers?

 

Have you ever felt excluded based on a difference in religion, politics, worldview, lifestyle etc?

 

Have you had a hard time connecting with homeschoolers in your area because of this?

 

Do you tend to feel that homeschoolers in your experience are a open, accepting group? Or have you felt like they were a closed group? Closed even to other homeschoolers who did not share a particular opinion or lifestyle etc?

 

Do you feel that there are divisions within the homeschooling community (movement) at large? Or do you tend to think of homeschoolers as being a connected, unified community?

 

Thoughts.

 

I think of it more as an individual thing than a group thing. Yes, I've been judged and shunned by a few individuals because of what movies I allow or don't allow, and what things my kids were or were not allowed to do. And I've found accepting people.

 

Pretty lonely times right now. I hope I find some more accepting people.

[PandaMom]

Homeschoolers as a whole are not an accepting group. The religious group in our area is extremely exclusive and would not accept a member who does not share their religious convictions.

The local secular group is the catch-all for people who do not feel welcome in the Christian group; that includes not just atheists and pagans, but also Christians who do not share the vehemence of the Christian group. So this group is very open and accepting to all who are willing to respect the members' extremely diverse world views and life styles.

 

This is exactly how I feel. I also feel like the differences in home-school philosophy is a great divider as well. Almost to the point where if "You don't believe as I do and homeschool exacly as I do then I don't want our kids associating at all." This is the part that makes me sad. We have an inclusive, secular group that is great. We get together for field trips and play dates and just have a great time. I love to get together with other of various beliefs and homeschool philosophies. My DD just wants to get out of the house and play and have a good time and make new friends and that is what is most important to her.

 

Susie

DD(7)

[Candid]

I would be shocked to learn that there is anyone who has never felt excluded. It happens, it's not just homeschooling. Sometimes the worst of it is when you are with a group who should match you, but you still feel left out. A lot of times that left out is not intentional and we, the perceiver, need to buck up and join in despite what are feelings say because we are wrong in our perceptions.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

We almost had an awesome opportunity to go to an aerospace event. The deal was that a local hs group had been invited and had some extra slots open, so they advertised local lists that any hs'ers could join them so the group would be large enough to get the discount.

 

The deal-breaker? They wanted a signed statement of faith. To join their club, group, co-op or church? No. Just to spend one day in their company at a secular (museum-run) event!

 

I agreed with their statement of faith but I would never sign it. I don't sign statements of faith, in the first place. I've never thought signing statements about one's religion or politics is really the best idea.

 

Furthermore, I'm very offended that these homeschoolers don't think their little bubble children could endure one day learning about astronauts alongside children who were not exactly, exactly, exactly, like them, right down to what they think.

 

I think it's scary.

[VeteranMom]

I've felt excluded, but that happened when my kids were in PS, too. People tend to want to be around people like themselves. In PS, I found that many parents were focused on wanting to be around other people of the same social/economic status. With homeschool families, I've found that common religion and parenting philosophies are the things that draw families together.

[Mommy22alyns]

Yes, when I've had the girls in homeschooling activities, I felt/feel excluded because I'm not part of the "clique." Of course, I feel that way with pretty much every other activity too, so it's not homeschooling's fault. :001_rolleyes:

[Rebel Yell]

Some real questions rolling around my brain lately.

 

Have any of you ever felt excluded, left out, shunned or any other unpleasant situation (no matter how slight) IN REAL LIFE by other homeschoolers? Unfortunately, yes. But I won't talk about it here- the woman is not to be trusted, manipulates, and twists words to make herself look liek the vcitim.

 

Have you ever felt excluded based on a difference in religion, politics, worldview, lifestyle etc? I'm apparently not conservative enough for the conservatives, and way too conservative for the liberals.

 

Have you had a hard time connecting with homeschoolers in your area because of this? Maybe- but mostly I have a hard time connecting with other homeschoolers in my area because everyone is so busy nobody has time to get together in real life, and at co-ops we're so busy teaching/helping/cleaning that there's little time to really connect.

 

Another factor is distance- there are many ladies I'd liek to connect with or outr kids might be good friends with, but when you don't live in the same neighborhood (like public-schooled kids0 it makes getting together a chore- almost a full-day ever rather than a "run over and hang out fopr an hour."

 

Do you tend to feel that homeschoolers in your experience are a open, accepting group? Or have you felt like they were a closed group? Closed even to other homeschoolers who did not share a particular opinion or lifestyle etc? I've seen a little bit of everything.

 

Do you feel that there are divisions within the homeschooling community (movement) at large? Yes. Or do you tend to think of homeschoolers as being a connected, unified community?

 

Thoughts.

[redsquirrel]

Does it count of you don't care? I am sure that the local LEAH group would want nothing to do with me, but I am fine with that. It would never occur to me to want to have anything to do with them.

 

But, have I been excluded (or felt excluded which is different from actually being excluded) by homeschoolers I would like to spend time with? Nope, can't say that I have.

[Holly]

I have felt excluded in every group situation...I don't think homeschooling is any exception. We live in a fallen world and there will always be problems, disagreements, and hurt feelings. A big part of feeling excluded is that I'm introverted and have a hard time jumping into the conversations. It's even harder with a group where everyone else is good friends and I'm the "new kid in school".

 

With that being said, I think our local group/groups are very friendly and welcoming. There is a divorced woman and she is treated very well (I've heard that can be a group that is excluded). While many aren't a fan of PS, they don't look down on moms that choose that option. I do feel bad for any non-Christian HSers in our area...I don't know of a single HS group that isn't specifically Christian.

[MooCow]

 

Have any of you ever felt excluded, left out, shunned or any other unpleasant situation (no matter how slight) IN REAL LIFE by other homeschoolers?

 

Yes. My ds and I are often excluded, and he is at times shunned.....especially by the other children. My ds has issues and had an iep

in public school, and just can't seem to "fit in" no matter what we do/try. I'm learning to accept it...it's helped that we have one family

who understands and is been there/doing that.

 

 

Have you ever felt excluded based on a difference in religion, politics, worldview, lifestyle etc?

 

More of the lifestyle because I have one child in public school, and a ton of drama with oldest ds that most

in our co-op have never dealt with, and I am being judged for it. (mental illness/drug abuse/stealing)Also, in our group

I have older teenagers, and most (if not all) have none.

 

Have you had a hard time connecting with homeschoolers in your area because of this?

 

Yes. Sometimes I feel like we're living in our own little bubble.

 

Do you tend to feel that homeschoolers in your experience are a open, accepting group? Or have you felt like they were a closed group? Closed even to other homeschoolers who did not share a particular opinion or lifestyle etc?

 

It's a closed group for the most part where I live. I have found that I'm outside (yet again) the box of "normal" here even though

most of us share similiar beliefs, etc.

 

Do you feel that there are divisions within the homeschooling community (movement) at large? Or do you tend to think of homeschoolers as being a connected, unified community?

Uh, well, if you fit in their box, it's all good. If not, you're pretty much on your own.

 

Thoughts.

 

I have discovered this year that it's ok if we don't fit in. It's ok if we don't get invited to playdates, etc. It's ok if we are patronized

and others exclude us. It hurts, yes. And it kills me for my ds sake, but I have faith that we are on the path God wants us on,

and eventually it will all turn out. I am teaching my son, he IS learning, and for the most part we are happy.

 

 

[Dandelion]

I've fet excluded by other homeschoolers, mainly due to philosophical reasons. I've also experienced the most ugly, dramatic falling out of my adult life when a homeschool group split into two "warring factions". It was like high school all over again, only worse.

 

I think homeschoolers are like any other group of people. Some are accepting and friendly, some are not. Homeschooling by itself is not enough to bridge the gap between diverse world views.

 

Homeschoolers in my area are mostly evangelical Christians, Catholics, or secular folks homeschooling for academic reasons. The various Protestant and Catholic homeschoolers have their own groups (mostly requiring a SOF to join) and there are 2-3 secular groups that are inclusive. There's a long story there about a group we belonged to (that I actually started up) that I don't care to get into on a public forum.

 

We are not currently active in any homeschool group. Our friends are a mix of homeschool group drop-outs and public schoolers. The women I count as my close personal friends are women I connected with around personal interests, not homeschooling (neither of them homeschool).

[PandaMom]

My DD doesn't care if you are Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Buddhist, Atheist, Pagan or anything in between. She doesn't give a second thought to the various homeschool philosophies/curriculum of Unschooling, Charlotte Mason, Classical Conversations, Unit Studies, TWTM, Sonlight, BJUP, Abeka, MFW, FIAR, R&S, MP, etc. More than likely because she doesn't understand that they do exist, but knowing my child it still wouldn't bother her :) She just wants to get out around other kids and play and have fun. She's not worried about catching the "C.M. or Unschoolong cooties" from some of the kids. I just personally worry about the cold/flu type variety at this time of year ;) This is why I adore our playgroup. None of this should really matter when it comes to our kids and their needing to get out and form friendships and learn to socialize and get along with others and just have an afternoon of fun running around playing and being a kid.

 

Susie

DD(7)

[MomatHWTK]

The first group we tried to join, the administrators seemed ok with dealing with DS' food allergies. The person who taught his class served a very dangerous food- after all the pre-planning I'd done to to avoid that very situation (very passive agressive, IMO) and we had to leave. The next group was formed by a few moms who were very good friends and they were open to new families, but seemingly only for their children to practice playing well with others. The kids knew each other well and tended to exclude others. The children even within the same family did not treat each other the way I would want my children treated and the moms didn't intervene. So I'm not sure if I was excluded so much as I am just too picky. LOL

[mommaduck]

Yes. Because you know my kids just aren't as good as other people's kids and they just aren't as friend worthy because they aren't a certain kind of Christian. Sorry, this is a bee in my bonnet right now.

[Heidi]

I live in a religious area, but I'm not aware of any religious homeschool groups. I have been shunned in other towns, but not this one yet. No statements of faith so far. I'm not a very social person and feel quite fulfilled in that area, so maybe I don't notice it as much. I've noticed that exclusive groups usually contain people that are not genuinly kind and they gossip, so I don't want to have anything to do with them anyway. I shun them. ShhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnN. ;)

[mommaduck]

I've also seen this play out horribly here. A homeschooled Christian teen here was struggling with his sexual identity, was treated unkindly by various other "christian" families...he committed suicie this week. That hurts. It also hurts when homeschoolers will be respectful to those of another faith (say a christian towards a jew) but can't towards those of another form of the same faith (say baptist towards catholic or orthodox). It hurts. It hurts when a family is going through a lot of crap and the kids are under a lot of criticism and comparison to other "more perfect" kids.

 

Yeah, I'm feeling crappy. I'm taking my babies on a field trip and just going to love on them today.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I've also seen this play out horribly here. A homeschooled Christian teen here was struggling with his sexual identity, was treated unkindly by various other "christian" families...he committed suicie this week. That hurts. It also hurts when homeschoolers will be respectful to those of another faith (say a christian towards a jew) but can't towards those of another form of the same faith (say baptist towards catholic or orthodox). It hurts. It hurts when a family is going through a lot of crap and the kids are under a lot of criticism and comparison to other "more perfect" kids.

 

Yeah, I'm feeling crappy. I'm taking my babies on a field trip and just going to love on them today.

 

 

I am so very sorry.

[PachiSusan]

I have never found a group that I felt welcomed to be a part of because I didn't fully fit. I tried for many years to find a group that would work for me. I tried MOPS but I was not welcomed because I was Catholic and could not sign their Statement of Faith. I was told by a friend that their goal WAS evangelization of the members to their church, so if I wanted to continually be evangelized away from my faith I could come, but to be wary.

 

Then I tried some fully Catholic organizations. I wasn't "orthodox" enough (ie I wore pants and didn't go to the Latin Mass. The derision was obvious when it was said, "Oh you go to the Novos Ordo Mass???".

 

I tried the local group tied to the local abbey. I wasn't sending my child to their religious ed courses, so I was not part of the "in" crowd.

 

I tried a social group that met at the park for play dates. I used a "boxed curriculum". I couldn't really join in the conversations because I wasn't curriculum shopping.

 

The only place I've found acceptance has been online. So, we don't have social outlets purely home school related. I wish we did. I'm wary of trying here in our new home.

[PachiSusan]

I've also seen this play out horribly here. A homeschooled Christian teen here was struggling with his sexual identity, was treated unkindly by various other "christian" families...he committed suicie this week. That hurts. It also hurts when homeschoolers will be respectful to those of another faith (say a christian towards a jew) but can't towards those of another form of the same faith (say baptist towards catholic or orthodox). It hurts. It hurts when a family is going through a lot of crap and the kids are under a lot of criticism and comparison to other "more perfect" kids.

 

Yeah, I'm feeling crappy. I'm taking my babies on a field trip and just going to love on them today.

 

Oh hun, I am so so sorry! :grouphug:

[Laura Corin]

I felt excluded due to religious difference in the past: I lived in a city where all the home educators that I ever met were Christian missionaries. We were not. A few were very welcoming. Many more were not.

 

Laura

[Dandelion]

I've also seen this play out horribly here. A homeschooled Christian teen here was struggling with his sexual identity, was treated unkindly by various other "christian" families...he committed suicie this week. That hurts. It also hurts when homeschoolers will be respectful to those of another faith (say a christian towards a jew) but can't towards those of another form of the same faith (say baptist towards catholic or orthodox). It hurts. It hurts when a family is going through a lot of crap and the kids are under a lot of criticism and comparison to other "more perfect" kids.

 

Yeah, I'm feeling crappy. I'm taking my babies on a field trip and just going to love on them today.

 

I'm sorry. That's terrible. :crying: :grouphug:

[swellmomma]

Yup. 90% of the time it is due to my kids. Others do not want my oldest around their kids. The other 10% of the time is due to difference of philosophy. Unschoolers don't want me around because I am too schooly(and just me but anyone who is more schooly) and the few that do classical etc don't want us around because we are not schooly enough.

 

I found connecting with homeschoolers much easier in the city. More of them, and a wider acceptance of family differences, educational differences etc. In a small town, anything you do differently is viewed as wrong regardless if you are a homeschooler or not. My local support group for example, is in the next town over, serves 5 towns total and has 17 members, that is pretty much it for homeschoolers in these parts. 2 families have outright said my son is not welcome in their home, 1 jeopardized my daughter's lifew and that of other girls (she runs the local girl guide group). With a group so small, being on the outs with 3 of them and they serve as pretty much the core group it means we are not really welcome there, and if we go to events in other locations with them we are pretty much ignored.

 

That's why I get most of my homeschool support needs met online.

[lovemykids]

I've also seen this play out horribly here. A homeschooled Christian teen here was struggling with his sexual identity, was treated unkindly by various other "christian" families...he committed suicie this week. That hurts. It also hurts when homeschoolers will be respectful to those of another faith (say a christian towards a jew) but can't towards those of another form of the same faith (say baptist towards catholic or orthodox). It hurts. It hurts when a family is going through a lot of crap and the kids are under a lot of criticism and comparison to other "more perfect" kids.

 

Yeah, I'm feeling crappy. I'm taking my babies on a field trip and just going to love on them today.

:grouphug: :cursing: The horror..aww..I am speechless.

[UrbanSue]

I haven't tried joining any groups in years. When my oldest was little (I lived in a community where ALL 3yos went to school so I've been in homeschool mode for awhile, considering how young my kids are) I tried two different groups. One was a more formal co-op where we all had the same approach and philosophy about how to educate our kids (we also shared a lot of crunchy lifestyle things). That group functioned beautifully even though we were six different religions (including "no religion") and all felt strongly about our religious beliefs.

 

Later I tried a group where all the moms were Catholic, like me, but had really different approaches to everything else. That felt a lot more dicey in terms of doing the "right" thing.

 

Right now I have only one local friend how home schools. We don't match in either religion of philosophy of education but we get along great and our kids get along great and our husbands get along great. So it works.

[PachiSusan]

I've gotten to the point where I get all my home schooling talk out online and I need to find a group for Melissa to be social with and forget all about having it be home schooling related. We are trying out the library Tuesday Craft/Book nights but already she's excluded by the older kids because she's not "in their school". SIGH. She met a really nice 6 year old boy though! LOL

[swellmomma]

I've also seen this play out horribly here. A homeschooled Christian teen here was struggling with his sexual identity, was treated unkindly by various other "christian" families...he committed suicie this week. That hurts. It also hurts when homeschoolers will be respectful to those of another faith (say a christian towards a jew) but can't towards those of another form of the same faith (say baptist towards catholic or orthodox). It hurts. It hurts when a family is going through a lot of crap and the kids are under a lot of criticism and comparison to other "more perfect" kids.

 

Yeah, I'm feeling crappy. I'm taking my babies on a field trip and just going to love on them today.

 

 

 

:grouphug: I am so sorry. I hope you have a good day loving on your kids today. My prayers will be with that family dealing with the loss.

 

The bolded really struck me. It is so true. My kids are not inherently bad, but because they don't act like the "perfect" kids they are shunned. Funny part is I have worked with many of those "perfect" kids away from their moms in various settings (youth group, scouts, 1 is a cashier at the grocery store etc) and let's just say they are not as perfect as their parents think they are. Mouthy, disrespectful, tattle taleing, lieing etc because my son is more hyper and doesn't sit quietly to do xyz around them he is the bad one, or because my other son is obnoxious with his constant commentary they are not good enough to be around their kids.

 

I do have a funny about that though and how eventually those people get a wake up call about judging the "different" kids.

 

One of the worst from that was mighty peeved this week apparently, she said something to someone from the dance studio about my family and that person listed all the good things my kids have done, that we have done as a family, their successes, that despite their learning issues, they are on track to graduate 1-2 years early, working, awards at dance and cadets etc. This person thought judgy moms reaction was quite funny and came to tell me all about how she had brought judgy mom down a few pegs in her thought of how perfect her kid was (he is 1 yr younger than dd13 and does not have nearly the level of success she is having in any area of his life-he is the one that likes to lie and tattle tale). I found the whole thing funny and in turn made myself a new friend, someone that I spoke to at dance, but that I didn't realize actually remembered all of that stuff, nor did I think of them as a friend before. I am sure we still won't be welcomed into the homeschool group because now instead of just assuming the worst of us, she will be ticked that it was shown that my "monster" children were better than her perfect son. But that's okay, I managed to find an ally anyway.

 

I worry constantly about the emotional toll it take on my kids to be seen the way they are and I pray everyday they don't get to that point of thinking that death is better than living one more day like that.

[elegantlion]

I've also seen this play out horribly here. A homeschooled Christian teen here was struggling with his sexual identity, was treated unkindly by various other "christian" families...he committed suicie this week. That hurts. It also hurts when homeschoolers will be respectful to those of another faith (say a christian towards a jew) but can't towards those of another form of the same faith (say baptist towards catholic or orthodox). It hurts. It hurts when a family is going through a lot of crap and the kids are under a lot of criticism and comparison to other "more perfect" kids.

 

Yeah, I'm feeling crappy. I'm taking my babies on a field trip and just going to love on them today.

 

 

that just makes my heart sick.

[mommaduck]

He was friends with friends of ours. I was just stunned and it just brought up the way we treat each other and how judgemental people can be. One teen confronted me because a mutual friend of hers and my daughter wanted to come to church with us once. Apparently, this girl hd converted the mutual friend to her church and how dare we be willing to take her to our church (she had spent the night...we took her, she came, no one tried to loop her into religious conversation or convert her)...I said it was between the girl and her parents and she had her parents permission. But how dare I be kind and not say "No!" to HER convert. Sigh. I'm just so tired and over it all. Her mother was informed, but no apology for her sass was forthcoming.

[Clarkd]

We have felt excluded. All of the groups in our area are christian, highly conservative or both. As a committed lesbian couple we (and our children) have not been welcome. One of the groups "allows" us to be on their fb page. We do have friends who homeschool but their kids are much older. We have found community outside the hs groups. This forum and the secular hs page have been a great source of support as well.

[WTMCassandra]

I am always either the most conservative in the room or the most liberal.

[MooCow]

I've also seen this play out horribly here. A homeschooled Christian teen here was struggling with his sexual identity, was treated unkindly by various other "christian" families...he committed suicie this week. That hurts. It also hurts when homeschoolers will be respectful to those of another faith (say a christian towards a jew) but can't towards those of another form of the same faith (say baptist towards catholic or orthodox). It hurts. It hurts when a family is going through a lot of crap and the kids are under a lot of criticism and comparison to other "more perfect" kids.

 

Yeah, I'm feeling crappy. I'm taking my babies on a field trip and just going to love on them today.

 

 

:grouphug:

[elegantlion]

Yes, a few times.

 

Once because we "weren't from here" originally (as in ancestral heritage) :cursing:

 

Once because ds wore a Halo shirt to a homeschooling meeting. (I fully support his desire to be himself - we talked about the shirt and how it might be perceived.

 

Once because we homeschooling classically and read 'dem pagan classics. :bored:

We are kind of off in our own field anyway.

[swellmomma]

Yes, a few times.

 

Once because we "weren't from here" originally (as in ancestral heritage) :cursing:

 

Once because ds wore a Halo shirt to a homeschooling meeting. (I fully support his desire to be himself - we talked about the shirt and how it might be perceived.

 

Once because we homeschooling classically and read 'dem pagan classics. :bored:

We are kind of off in our own field anyway.

 

 

 

Oh ds14 would love a Halo shirt, he wears his modern warfare shirt all the time. As far as video games go I think our boys would get along, ds rarely finds homeschooled kids who are even allowed to have a tv in the house let alone be allowed to play video games.

[PachiSusan]

Oh ds14 would love a Halo shirt, he wears his modern warfare shirt all the time. As far as video games go I think our boys would get along, ds rarely finds homeschooled kids who are even allowed to have a tv in the house let alone be allowed to play video games.

 

 

Or let their daughters play Minecraft. I am shocked at the eye brow raising and reaction when people find out I let her play Minecraft. What's the big deal?? LOL

[elegantlion]

Oh ds14 would love a Halo shirt, he wears his modern warfare shirt all the time. As far as video games go I think our boys would get along, ds rarely finds homeschooled kids who are even allowed to have a tv in the house let alone be allowed to play video games.

 

 

His was a hand-me-down, ironically from another homeschooler (one that unfortunately does not live in our area. *sniff*) Yeah, the video game thing and having a computer in his room probably would have been issues with a few groups, as I gathered from conversations. However, we never got to that level of familiarity in most of them.

 

Wearing the shirt probably saved him from getting frustrated over lost friendships because of our views.