Ellie Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 I would type up a very formal letter addressed to all of dh's family members. In it I would concisely explain my reasons for homeschooling and the fact that homeschooling was a personal, private decision made between dh and myself. It is not open to debate. The topic is not to be raised in my hearing or my children's. I would also state that trying to undermine our personal decision would be dealt with swiftly and that they would lose the privilege of knowing dh, myself, and our children because we choose to surround ourselves with loving, supportive people who respect us and our parenting decisions. If they want to be part of our lives, they play by our rules. If they don't follow my rules, it's their loss. We have done fine without them all these years, we can continue to do so. I would also keep records/notes of questionable comments that they have made just in case DCFS did get a call from them in retaliation. I'm going to have to disagree with this, although I agree with the sentiment (of course). There won't be a point in writing a letter. It won't make a bit of difference in the family members' opinions or behavior. It will only give them fuel for the fire ("Did you read that letter? can you believe it? yakyakyakyakyak) The OP's dh needs to be in charge of this--not because he's The Man or The Head of the House, but because these are his parents and siblings and aunts and uncles. Both the OP and her dh need to have a united front on the way they choose to teach their children, rather than the OP donning her Xena Warrior Princess armor and declaring battle...although it is a battle that should be declared. They don't have to be ugly about it, but the two of them need to set their faces like flint and refuse to be baited or drawn into any kind of discussion, and heck no should the children be harangued or heckled in any way, ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 It sounds like you and DH are united and strong. I would not move there if this were not true. I hope your move goes well. I hope his family backs off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Yes we as a family need to express the "it's not a topic open for discussion". I will begin playing that role now with all of us. I'm always talking about the kids & their achievements and what we do which involves homeschooling since its so much of our lives. This will be something I need to focus on NOT doing, otherwise I'm causing the problems too! As for the kids when they stated they would tell them why they like being home I knew we had to change their way of expressing towards the in-laws. My kids are passionate too so I will focus on teaching them along with myself. If they are asked if they like it should I have them answer or just reply with, "we don't talk about that"...and if they continue to pester my kids have them reply similar, "you have to talk to my parents because its not something we discuss" and have them come find myself or my dh? Yes, the "we don't talk about that" strategy is a good one for the kids. It can't be both ways: either you (and they) engage in an ongoing discussion and debate where the pressure is always on you (and them) to defend yourselves -- or you close it. If you say you are closing the topic, but still continually talk about it, your reasons and your feelings about it, that gives them permission to continue too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 After further reading, the others are right and, "talk to mom" is a better line than the secretive-sounding "we don't talk about that". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 "Oh, we came over for Sunday dinner to enjoy a nice family time, not debate a topic that is our decision and not up for debate. We'll be heading home now. Call me when you want to get together for some real family time!" If you leave without emotion or taking their bait each and every time, they will learn to shut up about it quickly enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 I stood my ground on the phone with her and told her I will win this battle since its mine to fight and not hers. She laughed and said, "we'll see". I know in the end I will win this and I'll be confident AGAIN! If you engage this way, you will lose at this game because it is their game. Their tactic is to engage you in a battle. That means that as soon as you engage with them, they are gaining ground. Do not discuss it! Make it an off-limits topic. The only people who should be discussing whether your kids should be homeschooled or not are you and your dh. Stop discussing it with them. If they continue, pass the bean dip, or end the conversation. Do NOT give reasons why it is working, etc. DO. NOT. ENGAGE. This sounds like it's actually about more than homeschool. It sounds like it's about power in dh's family. I bet other things would come up even if you caved and sent your kids to ps. Do you have to move? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 I would have them say something similar, but not those exact words. To someone who's going to be looking for anything they can to criticize, having your kids say "We don't talk about that," might sound a bit... ominous. Know what I mean? I'd go with something like, "My mom says that you should talk to her if you have any questions about our school." I'd go with, "My dad says you should talk with him if you have any questions about our school." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Well, homeschooling happens to be the "topic," but I don't see this as being about homeschooling per se. I think it's their idea that they can bully you into living your lives they way they want you to. It could be any other topic -- diet, religion, whether or not you allow video games, sports for the kids, your profession -- gee, ANYTHING, and what gives them the right to butt in like this? Well, I know the answer. Keeping the peace. With a non-family member you can just drop them from your life. (unless it's your boss, I guess) With a family member, most people think long and hard about that, and only do so as a last resort. So, I agree with those posters who have suggested you simply refuse to discuss the topic. And I realize there's nothing "simple" about it -- you may have to use some VERY persistent verbal (and other) techniques to keep them at bay. One of the most common, acknowledge what they've said, then reiterate your stance. "Yes, I understand you think they'd be MUCH better off in public school, but we've already made our decision about that, so it isn't up for discussion." And variations thereof. Personally in that situation I wouldn't like feeling like I was under assault all the time, and having to constantly defend even my "refusal to discuss." Yes, there may be certain times when i would unleash my Inner Snark. After all, if the whole family thinks YOUR family decisions are up for discussion, how about THEIRs. Example: fifth time you have to say, "we're not discussing it" or listening to some uninvited commentary, maybe it's time to discuss THEIR issues that are none of anyone's business. Y'know, their diet. Their exercise progam (or lack thereof). Their choice of TV programming. Their house color. ANYTHING. Pick one, pretend it's as important to you as "homeschooling" is to them, and have at it! Let them decide how much fun it is to discuss what's none of anyone's business. I wouldn't do this all the time, of course. But if things get particularly wearying, it's nice to play offense for a change. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 Thank you all very much. This has helped me realize what I need to do in order to move forward. It's also helped me to see that I need to put a zipper on what I talk about in order to keep this topic closed with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 I'm sorry, but seriously, I would not move there with that level of toxicity of the family. And especially since it sounds like DH will throw you under the bus when things get tough. Bingo. That the extended family is unsupportive is bad enough, but that DH will "throw her under the bus"... I couldn't handle that (and I have thick skin generally). OP - you will have NO support. You need to be okay with that, before the move. I wouldn't do it personally - for the sheer fact that I couldn't count on my husband to back me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Another idea: when I was nursing my ds past what my ILs considered acceptable they kept bugging me and I finally, very cheerfully, said that I planned to wean him by the time he was in college.....or at least by the time he was married. She called the next day and apologized for butting in when it was none of her business (same woman who asked to do something with the kids and when i said no she responded with, "well you can't control what I do with your kids when you are not around!") I am not sure what the equivalent to letting them making decisions on the kids' life. Who takes care of them in case of your death? -You could say, "tell you what. When dh and I both die, you can send the kids to ps but until then quit dreaming. It is creeping me out." *snort* sometimes my sense of humor is off. Maybe you can think of something better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 Bingo. That the extended family is unsupportive is bad enough, but that DH will "throw her under the bus"... I couldn't handle that (and I have thick skin generally). OP - you will have NO support. You need to be okay with that, before the move. I wouldn't do it personally - for the sheer fact that I couldn't count on my husband to back me. This was my first initial feeling towards dh. Sadly I was going off of how he reacted at the beginning if our relationship almost 12 years ago when we lived near his family. Thankfully we've grown together quite well and I shouldn't have said that's how he still is. I panicked in to thinking he'd still react that way. We've talked intensely about this subject since I've posted as its got me panicked and he's made it crystal clear he's got my back. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodhaven Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Wow. I would NOT want to move there, even for a special family house. They will influence your dh against homeschooling. Is there ANY way you can NOT move there? I'd live on less, take a part-time job. Whatever it took NOT to have to move close to relatives that are so openly set against what I'm doing and who openly state they WILL get their way. Really, really bad. I agree that they will hurt your relationship with your dh, as another poster said. Run! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 Wow. I would NOT want to move there, even for a special family house. They will influence your dh against homeschooling. Is there ANY way you can NOT move there? I'd live on less, take a part-time job. Whatever it took NOT to have to move close to relatives that are so openly set against what I'm doing and who openly state they WILL get their way. Really, really bad. I agree that they will hurt your relationship with your dh, as another poster said. Run! I appreciate your honesty. At this time we are going to be moving. There are good things to be mindful of however I posted the uglies as it's my current worry that I need help working through. My in-laws otherwise have been extremely caring, loving, understanding, and pro-active with our family as best they can 2200 miles away. They aren't all bad. It's this one particular topic that rears the ugly in all of us. I will look past this and move forward. They may be calling shots on how things will go for our family because before they did and we listened as we were both new to our relationship and brand new parents. We've grown up a lot since then and don't take lightly to someone telling us how to handle our lives. It was a geniune and still is a geniune concern of mine. I feel with standing firm on the topic isn't open for discussion route we'll be fine. My MIL has our back on this topic as she says it's nobody's business but ours, unless we're harming the children. She said she'd even help put her foot down firm to keep them at bay on this subject. I appreciate that from her. My dh use to be easily influenced by his family. I have a lot of pull in the decision making. If my dh was led so easily by his family I would've never been able to homeschool in the beginning. I continued to homeschool WITHOUT his support for 4 years. I'm realizing as I post more and more on this topic that with the right advice and guidance from other families who've been through this or how someone would handle it if it were them I can handle this bump. Another good reason why I'm going to be taking the necessary steps needed for ME to be able to legally homeschool my children and not have to rely on anyone else, not even my dh's college credits. Again another reason why I came here first. I knew that I'd be able to get the honest advice and guidance needed to get through this. I'm praying for this particular issue and hope that it's not an issue this time next year. I want to be able to begin our 2013-2014 school year in WA state and report back to the board to say it's going wonderful and my dh's family has stayed away from the topic with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 It sounds like you and your dh are on the same page; that is a very good thing. I'll add one more thing, do not think you are going to somehow sway someone who is so vehemently opposed to homeschooling with logic, good curriculum, excellent test scores or wonderful well adjust, bright children. Now, maybe if you are lucky, a few years down the road she will see what amazing people you're raised and educated and begrudgingly accept that you are the exception to her rule. Many of us here have learned this the hard way that there is no reasoning with unreasonable people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 It sounds like you and your dh are on the same page; that is a very good thing. I'll add one more thing, do not think you are going to somehow sway someone who is so vehemently opposed to homeschooling with logic, good curriculum, excellent test scores or wonderful well adjust, bright children. Now, maybe if you are lucky, a few years down the road she will see what amazing people you're raised and educated and begrudgingly accept that you are the exception to her rule. Many of us here have learned this the hard way that there is no reasoning with unreasonable people. I'm so thankful that dh & I are on the same page. After 4 years of being solo it was a breathe of fresh air to have his support. The past 2 years with him on board has been so rewarding! He now gets it from his side of things. Honestly I doubt I will EVER sway anyone that doesn't want to be open minded. My intent is to do my best as I would if we didn't move and she will see what we do and either realize why we do what we do or she won't. My goal here isn't to sway anyone. My goal is to control my tongue about the matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I wouldn't control my tongue. Anyone who spoke to me the way the Aunt did would be verbally ripped to SHREDS. They would learn quickly not to threaten my unity with my kids or husband or butt into my decisions.. If dh told me to be nice to people like this, I would be infuriated, and no way would I comply - and I would tell him so. Some people only respect strength. I would make sure these peopke were trained in exactly how much of their carp I would take, which is zero. I hope this works out, but I would never, ever move there. I hope it turns out better than it seems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I wouldn't control my tongue. Anyone who spoke to me the way the Aunt did would be verbally ripped to SHREDS. They would learn quickly not to threaten my unity with my kids or husband or butt into my decisions.. If dh told me to be nice to people like this, I would be infuriated, and no way would I comply - and I would tell him so. Some people only respect strength. I would make sure these peopke were trained in exactly how much of their carp I would take, which is zero. I hope this works out, but I would never, ever move there. I hope it turns out better than it seems. Strength can be quiet. Verbally ripping people to shreds just feeds their drama and continues the argument. It rarely teaches anyone anything. Firm silence can end the argument. Frankly, I think it is stronger to rise above their level and just be calm and firm. Besides, I am not going to model bad behavior to my kids. People do respect strength but true strength isn't about "training" others, which we can rarely do. It's about getting what you need and deserve with the least energy and the smallest amount of drama-rama. I say this as someone who has verbally ripped more than a few people to shreds in my life. I "got my way". Most of the time I extracted my way without solving the issue or building any bridges. I have much more influence in things now because I throw people off balance by meeting their drama with boundaries and self confidence that I need not waste my time arguing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 You could always point out to your sil that your children are more than a test score. Maybe if she spent some time with them, she could get over her insecurities of homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 Strength can be quiet. Verbally ripping people to shreds just feeds their drama and continues the argument. It rarely teaches anyone anything. Firm silence can end the argument. Frankly, I think it is stronger to rise above their level and just be calm and firm. Besides, I am not going to model bad behavior to my kids. People do respect strength but true strength isn't about "training" others, which we can rarely do. It's about getting what you need and deserve with the least energy and the smallest amount of drama-rama. I say this as someone who has verbally ripped more than a few people to shreds in my life. I "got my way". Most of the time I extracted my way without solving the issue or building any bridges. I have much more influence in things now because I throw people off balance by meeting their drama with boundaries and self confidence that I need not waste my time arguing. I agree 100%! I've ran at the mouth and it gets me into a bigger hole than before I ran my mouth! Very good advice. Thank You for the reminder that I've played the role of running my mouth and it served no good, only bad! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 Oh, no, no letter. You would be hearing quotes from it for the next 50 years...BTDT. In person is best, with a "record player" refrain. Choosing the best education for the kids is our parental responsibility and we will not be accepting input from anyone else. Nor would we ever think of telling you what is best for *your* kids. What else would you like to talk about? How about those Seahawks? Where's the best thrift store in town? etc. etc. I agree no letter. I've done that before and I STILL hear quotes from it almost 10 years later. A letter would allow them to hold me accountable for an idiot action that I did umpteen years ago no matter if I matured and no longer handle situations that way. I'd rather not give them a reason to "haunt" me with my past of immaturity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I appreciate your honesty. At this time we are going to be moving. There are good things to be mindful of however I posted the uglies as it's my current worry that I need help working through. My in-laws otherwise have been extremely caring, loving, understanding, and pro-active with our family as best they can 2200 miles away. They aren't all bad. It's this one particular topic that rears the ugly in all of us. I will look past this and move forward. They may be calling shots on how things will go for our family because before they did and we listened as we were both new to our relationship and brand new parents. We've grown up a lot since then and don't take lightly to someone telling us how to handle our lives. It was a geniune and still is a geniune concern of mine. I feel with standing firm on the topic isn't open for discussion route we'll be fine. My MIL has our back on this topic as she says it's nobody's business but ours, unless we're harming the children. She said she'd even help put her foot down firm to keep them at bay on this subject. I appreciate that from her. My dh use to be easily influenced by his family. I have a lot of pull in the decision making. If my dh was led so easily by his family I would've never been able to homeschool in the beginning. I continued to homeschool WITHOUT his support for 4 years. I'm realizing as I post more and more on this topic that with the right advice and guidance from other families who've been through this or how someone would handle it if it were them I can handle this bump. Another good reason why I'm going to be taking the necessary steps needed for ME to be able to legally homeschool my children and not have to rely on anyone else, not even my dh's college credits. Again another reason why I came here first. I knew that I'd be able to get the honest advice and guidance needed to get through this. I'm praying for this particular issue and hope that it's not an issue this time next year. I want to be able to begin our 2013-2014 school year in WA state and report back to the board to say it's going wonderful and my dh's family has stayed away from the topic with us. It sounds like you've got it covered! Enjoy your new home. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 20, 2013 Author Share Posted January 20, 2013 For those that invested time into replying I wanted to share an update with you all. After really evaluating everything each of you were saying I really decided to investigate this further. As many of you said it was too risky to do such a move like this due to the circumstances. My dh & I have come to a decision to NOT move. Several factors came into play. The first factor was we were being led to believe the family home we were getting was recently remodeled and found out in fact it's not remodeled like it was suggested to be. It needs some work done on it, and it's not central heat/air, & the septic is due to be tended to. We were told the title was going straight to us and later found out we were going to be expected to pay a mortgage payment for 2 years before the home would be signed over to us. We were also asked to help raise a grandchild of my dh's aunt's since her daughter is an addict and isn't around. I don't mind helping care for an innocent child, but not in this situation. His aunt also stated she WILL be speaking to our children about school and church not behind our backs but in front of us and we shouldn't argue her opinion in front of them. We kindly sent an email to his family and let know we declined the opportunity to move. We have no plans to move near his family anytime soon and if and when we do decide to move we will NOT be moving into a family owned home. On a side note....dh has been MISERABLE at his job. This job he's been at for almost 9 years told him last year that they would consider a promotion within the company. It's been over a year and NOTHING has been done. We were at our wits end and gave up on the idea and that's what allowed us to consider greatly in moving away. On Wednesday my dh was promoted and it came with an entirely NEW position within the company!! This also comes with a nice pay increase too!! My dh will no longer be sitting in the miserable position he has grown to NOT like! He has been placed in a position where they've signed with him to have potential growth within 1-2 years!! :) This is a blessing. This is what needed to be done to us to help us continue to dig deeper into the moving away. Thank you all for your concern about this and if it wasn't for you ladies taking the time to really invest some good advice I would've NEVER considered digging deeper! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I agree 100%! I've ran at the mouth and it gets me into a bigger hole than before I ran my mouth! Very good advice. Thank You for the reminder that I've played the role of running my mouth and it served no good, only bad! Interesting! The thing for me is - there is no "trouble" or hole I can get into personally because no adult famiky member can do squat to me, since I am no longer a child. In fact because they know I have zero tolerance for beingtreated like a child, they know not to even go there. Sort of a training people how to treat you. I do think a total blackhole of all communication can work too. OP... Good for you! Glad to read yr recent update! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 After reading your update I am so happy that you've decided not to move! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 "This is our parenting decision, and not open for discussion or debate." Wash, rinse, repeat. Refuse to discuss it. Yes, yes, and YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had to pull this out NUMEROUS times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 If that house is worth it to you, then you are going to have to grow a really, really thick skin! Like, supersonic, prehistoric gigantic alligator skin that nothing, nothing can penetrate or stick to! Cover that skin with a slick coat of oil if you have to. I'd also be pretty demanding that DH back me up no matter what, or I would not be moving anywhere close to his family. I'm so sorry. I agree with this. As a thin skinned easily hurt person, I don't know if I could do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 So happy that this blessing happened for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 And this is your dh's family? Then HE needs to be equally as firm as you when they oppose homeschooling. it cannot all fall on your shoulders. He must be the one to say that the decision to homeschool was something that both of you agree with and that HE will not allow anyone to abuse you over that decision, and that HE will not allow them to brow-beat your children, either. I agree with this whole heartedly. My IL's didn't truly listen until DH got actively involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I am so sorry that it didn't work out for the home that you loved, but I can tell you that I believe God saved you from a very bad situation. I am so glad that you are not going to move there. For those that invested time into replying I wanted to share an update with you all. After really evaluating everything each of you were saying I really decided to investigate this further. As many of you said it was too risky to do such a move like this due to the circumstances. My dh & I have come to a decision to NOT move. Several factors came into play. The first factor was we were being led to believe the family home we were getting was recently remodeled and found out in fact it's not remodeled like it was suggested to be. It needs some work done on it, and it's not central heat/air, & the septic is due to be tended to. We were told the title was going straight to us and later found out we were going to be expected to pay a mortgage payment for 2 years before the home would be signed over to us. We were also asked to help raise a grandchild of my dh's aunt's since her daughter is an addict and isn't around. I don't mind helping care for an innocent child, but not in this situation. His aunt also stated she WILL be speaking to our children about school and church not behind our backs but in front of us and we shouldn't argue her opinion in front of them. We kindly sent an email to his family and let know we declined the opportunity to move. We have no plans to move near his family anytime soon and if and when we do decide to move we will NOT be moving into a family owned home. On a side note....dh has been MISERABLE at his job. This job he's been at for almost 9 years told him last year that they would consider a promotion within the company. It's been over a year and NOTHING has been done. We were at our wits end and gave up on the idea and that's what allowed us to consider greatly in moving away. On Wednesday my dh was promoted and it came with an entirely NEW position within the company!! This also comes with a nice pay increase too!! My dh will no longer be sitting in the miserable position he has grown to NOT like! He has been placed in a position where they've signed with him to have potential growth within 1-2 years!! :) This is a blessing. This is what needed to be done to us to help us continue to dig deeper into the moving away. Thank you all for your concern about this and if it wasn't for you ladies taking the time to really invest some good advice I would've NEVER considered digging deeper! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I'm happy to read your update. That's wonderful that your dh got a promotion as you were making the decision to not move. It makes everything you are deciding seem like the right course for your immediate family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Wow! So glad you did some digging! Sounds like aunt has no clue as to appropriate boundaries! And YAY for the promo! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Thanks for the update. I'm very glad to hear that things are working out wonderfully for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Wow! I was worried about your moving into such a toxic situation. It is wonderful that things have worked out better than you could have imagined. I can't believe all the hidden agenda that was going on. Thank goodness all of this came out before you moved. How is the family reacting to your no, we aren't moving? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I am so happy to hear about this! How great for your husband that he got a new position, and it sounds like everything is working out well. Yay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 That's wonderful! I am absolutely staggered at the family expectations, particularly from the aunt. I am relieved on your behalf that this all came out before investing anything or uprooting your children. I am also delighted to hear of your husband's promotion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Congrads on your dh's promotion and on not moving into a bad situation. I am glad things are working out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I am so glad that things have worked out for you on so many levels -- and I am happiest of all that your dh was completely involved and in agreement with the decision. His family sounds positively toxic, and it sounds like they not only wanted you there to raise someone else's child and to try to control your family's life and decisions, but that they also planned to hold the title to the house over your head as a form of blackmail. The aunt sounds particularly vicious. (And from what you have posted about them, I you'll also suspect that you and your dh would have to do all of the costly renovations on the house and pay for them yourselves... and then the family would decide that you weren't worthy of owning the house and they'd never give you the title.) Sounds like you guys really dodged a bullet! And your dh even got a promotion -- :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I am so relieved to hear your update. Not only did you dodge a bullet, but you were blessed with an opportunity staying put. Congrats to your dh on his promotion!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I'm so glad things worked out well! It sounds like not moving is definitely going to be better for your family. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 "This is our parenting decision, and not open for discussion or debate." Wash, rinse, repeat. Refuse to discuss it. i agree. also, have your husband set the boundary and enforce it. his family, so it's important he does this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 My dh's family is handling this with a "face". They said they love us unconditionally no matter what & have no hard feelings about our decision. My dh never knew these colors of his family and neither did I. We both now take what they say with a grain of salt. We both now have seen the colors of his family & feel overwhelmingly blessed that God helped us decide to depart from this situation! Thank you all again!! This promotion was EXACTLY what we needed to have sent in our direction! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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