How do you know when it's time to take something for mood?

[Stayseeliz]

I have been struggling since my youngest was born. She is 19mo. I have four kids 11 and under, we homeschool, my second oldest has some mild special needs, and my DH is self employed and works on straight commission so we never know when the money is coming in.

 

I feel overwhelmed. Very much so. I love my life and my kids but I'm just overwhelmed. I am more of an introvert by nature and it wears on me to have someone "need" me all the time. By the time I get any down time after the kids go to bed I am so exhausted that I just fall asleep.

 

I am trying to institute several things to make me feel better. I go to the gym when I can, I avoid sugar and "junk" food, I read when I get a chance, etc. I just started taking a tiny dose of Simply Sleep to help me sleep more deeply at night and I think that is helping a little bit. I also plan on finding a good vitamin and I'm trying to drink a lot of water. I've tried to pare down so we're only gone for a significant amount of time two days a week. We have swim team most nights but I feel better if I get out at least some. I am giving the kids more chores and making sure they get them done. I am trying to spread the responsibility around.

 

I went to the dr yesterday to get refills on my thyroid medicine and I asked her if there was something I could do to help me handle things better. She said they offer counseling at the office but it would be impossible to get there with the kids and there really is nothing "wrong". Life is just stressful and hard right now.

 

She suggested that I try a small dose (10mg) of Celexa. She said she thought that would help things not seem so overwhelming. I got it filled but I'm not sure about taking it. I was reading online about side effects and the weight gain and low "drive" would be bothersome. Does the weight gain really come from the medicine or from wanting to EAT more while on the medicine? If I was mindful of what I ate would I still gain? I know that would make me feel awful if I gained at this point. I'm still working off the baby weight.

 

I'm just trying to figure out if the side effects of the medicine are worth it. I don't want to get frustrated and yell at the kids anymore. I don't want to be remembered that way. :(

 

Thanks for any thoughts!

[Tiramisu]

I'm also an introvert and start to feel stressed if I get overstimulated from active children.

 

I've never taken an SSRI, but from what friends have said it is supposed to help things not get to you so much. When I've heard of bad reactions, it's been when the doctor has prescribed too high a starting dose. It seems to be best to start low. I've heard with Prozac in particular you can take the lowest possible dose every other day, and that takes the edge off. I remember reading something like that in a Temple Grandin book, too, and how it helps with people who get overwhelmed due to sensory issues. Perhaps it would do the same for an introvert in a house full of kids. ;)

 

Here are some other idea:

 

B12, B12, B12 :D Did I say B12? (You may want to get your levels tested when you get your thyroid levels checked. The number should be over 400 at least. US okay levels are much lower than other countries. D3 and ferritin, too.)

 

If you couldn't get to the gym, could you sneak out for a walk everyday once your dh gets home?

 

Have you every tried something like Omega Mood? It's a fish oil supplement with a high EPA to DHA ratio, and it's very reasonably priced. Fish oil helps me.

 

There's also 5-HTP (a natural serotonin precursor), but I've never tried it so I can't give you a success story. It's supposed to help with sleep and mood.

 

I also haven't tried Holy Basil, though I have the tea in my cabinet. It's an Indian herb, and there have been many studies of its healthful benefits and adaptogenic properties.

 

Magnesium can have a relaxing effect. It helps my heart rhythm.

 

In the late afternoon, I sometimes need to escape to be alone to my room. I just lie in my bed for twenty minutes with no lights and no noise and that helps me recover from the overload of the day.

 

:grouphug: I hope you feel better soon. I know you're feeling lousy, but keep positive because there are a lot of options that can help. And it couldn't hurt to start the Celexa, and go from there to make healthy changes.

[Parrothead]

If it were me I'd do the following before resorting to medication

Clean up my diet really well. Lots of fruits and veggies - as organic/clean as I could afford. Lots of water. Limit (or eliminate) store bought meats/dairy.

 

Then I'd get my exercise in. Dh would just have to deal for one hour each evening or early morning. This would include 5-10 minutes on either end of contemplative meditation.

 

Institute 90 minutes of quiet time each afternoon. Everyone must be in their room and on their bed. They don't have to sleep but they do have to be quiet. No one gets out of bed unless there is blood or fire. And blood would be questionable.

 

I'd have a really good schedule so that kids know what comes next every day. I'd include bed times that are reasonable and give you at least 30 minutes to unwind.

 

Remember you must take care of you or you won't be able to care for anyone else.

 

If all that didn't work after 4-6 months I'd then consider medication. :grouphug:

[Joanne]

Just based on your post, it may be you are too proactive, engaged, and functioning to be "depressed".

 

I think you are very self aware of your temperment as an introvert. I know I was drained (but not depressed, until much later) when my own 3 closely spaced kids were little and needy and I was "on" 24/7.

 

I'm not anit-med. I just don't believe in it for "mood" management. And, based only on your post, I don't see markers for depression.

 

I'd encourage you, first, to structure life so that you have regular times to process, and be alone without needy people.

 

If you are an introvert, not getting that time chronically can LEAD (IMO) to depression, but given how in tune and responsive you are, I don't think I would jump to an Rx. (Again, I am FULLY supportive of using meds to address depression when needed, but it is a trade off in terms of side effects, etc.)

[fairfarmhand]

If it were me I'd do the following before resorting to medication

Clean up my diet really well. Lots of fruits and veggies - as organic/clean as I could afford. Lots of water. Limit (or eliminate) store bought meats/dairy.

 

Then I'd get my exercise in. Dh would just have to deal for one hour each evening or early morning. This would include 5-10 minutes on either end of contemplative meditation.

 

Institute 90 minutes of quiet time each afternoon. Everyone must be in their room and on their bed. They don't have to sleep but they do have to be quiet. No one gets out of bed unless there is blood or fire. And blood would be questionable.

 

I'd have a really good schedule so that kids know what comes next every day. I'd include bed times that are reasonable and give you at least 30 minutes to unwind.

 

Remember you must take care of you or you won't be able to care for anyone else.

 

If all that didn't work after 4-6 months I'd then consider medication. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: I bet you are drained and tired more than depressed. When I had depression it was all that I could do to get out of bed, go places, etc. My paster/counselor advised this:

 

15 minutes of bible reading (especially the psalms)

15 minutes outdoors each day (sunshine helps! even if it is overcast the outside stuff helps. Just sit on the porch! Read the psalms while sitting on the porch to kill 2 bird with one stone)

15 minutes of exercise

 

Do these EVERY day and I promise it will help some.

 

Quiet time is also very important for introverted homeschooling moms.

 

Also knowing how to say no is vital for introverted homeschooling moms. If you are constantly feeling obligated to be around people, that can make you very tired. I've learned that I CANNOT do many activities that many of my more extroverted hsing friends do and that is okay.

 

Instead of going out, I do invite my kids' friends here.

 

I promise it gets easier as they get older.

Edited November 1, 2012 by fairfarmhand

[Tap]

I would try the medicine and see how it makes you feel. Other peoples side effects, may not be yours. Quite often, the side effects fade after the first month or so. You won't know until you try. Honestly, if the medication is working for you sometimes the side effects are worth it.

 

I take a medication when dd5s behaviors get out of control. I have a lot of stress in my life, but she puts me over the top sometimes. The medication helps me be myself, which translate in a good mom for my older kids and more supportive wife. I can tell when I need to start taking it, when I start getting very nit picky about small things (things that normally wouldn't bother me) but I also don't do much to fix them. It is like I can see the problems Way to clearly, but am so overwhelmed that I can't do anything about it. ie...I know I need to do something simple, like take meat out of the freezer to make dinner but I never bother to do it, so that when it is dinner time, I have nothing for the family to eat. I open a can and give them that instead (which is not how I feed my kids usually). I start raising my voice to my kids, and having only the most basic conversations with my husband. My house gets to be a mess and I stop caring about my looks.

 

When I take my medication, almost all of these problems fade. My house is still a bit cluttered, but not overwhelmingly so. I try to cook homemade quality meals, but we still get pizza once a week. Etc. I don't want you to think that the meds solve my problems, but they do help me be myself when things get overwhelming.

 

I do not have any with drawl side effects from my med, so I can go off and on it pretty easily. I accidentally miss a pill here and there, and if I don't notice the difference, then I know I can go off of it for a while. If I notice I start to get overcritical again....I go back on the meds. The med I use makes me a bit nauseous but I am willing to deal with that. I also gain a bit of weight on it, which is funny since I don't eat much on it. I can't excercise due to a back issue, so I don't know if that would control it or not.

[Stayseeliz]

I don't think I'm depressed. I think I'm stressed and overwhelmed. I'm trying everything I know to do to not feel this way and I just want to cry. I want to be left alone but I know that's not an option right now.

 

DH works late most nights so I might be able to go for a short walk when he gets home but it doesn't happen often. I've tried to institute a quiet time but the baby's nap time is when we do school and that would be my only down time. We eat grass fed beef and organic chicken. I don't drink milk period but eat organic yogurt. I really don't eat wheat, etc. I'm not sure what I could cut there. I really don't know how I could structure our day differently to give me "time". DH gets home late, we have no outside help and the kids aren't old enough to leave alone to get down time.

 

So far this morning I woke up exhausted, the kids are driving me insane. It's just too loud and our house is tiny. :( I've helped DH with some work stuff and wigged out on him when he (politely) said I did something incorrectly that I'd been working on. I just want to hide.

[MrsMe]

I don't mean this disrespectfully, but we are a country of popping pills. Instead of getting help we pop a pill. With your dh gone, you have a lot on your plate. I'm an introvert as well and always needed a break from my spirited dd. I worked for my dh, did all the house duties and had my dd 24/7.

 

I'd try to invoke some quiet time with those kids first. Send them off to their rightful areas for an hour. It may take some doing, but they'll need to find something to do in their rooms. Have the oldest watch those kids to give you a break and some quiet time for an hour or find someone else to do this. Is there a homeschooling teen that could help? I know I would be stressed and overwhelmed. I was with one!

You need peace and quiet and help to rejuvinate you. Not a pill.

[Tap]

I don't think I'm depressed. I think I'm stressed and overwhelmed. I'm trying everything I know to do to not feel this way and I just want to cry. I want to be left alone but I know that's not an option right now.

 

DH works late most nights so I might be able to go for a short walk when he gets home but it doesn't happen often. I've tried to institute a quiet time but the baby's nap time is when we do school and that would be my only down time. We eat grass fed beef and organic chicken. I don't drink milk period but eat organic yogurt. I really don't eat wheat, etc. I'm not sure what I could cut there. I really don't know how I could structure our day differently to give me "time". DH gets home late, we have no outside help and the kids aren't old enough to leave alone to get down time.

 

So far this morning I woke up exhausted, the kids are driving me insane. It's just too loud and our house is tiny. :( I've helped DH with some work stuff and wigged out on him when he (politely) said I did something incorrectly that I'd been working on. I just want to hide.

 

I wouldn't say I am depressed either. I am an othewise happy, optomistic person.....just over my limit for stress. One other thing the medicine helps me with is sleeping. I will wake up all night long, with my brain racing trying to solve some issue in my regular life.

[fairfarmhand]

I don't think I'm depressed. I think I'm stressed and overwhelmed. I'm trying everything I know to do to not feel this way and I just want to cry. I want to be left alone but I know that's not an option right now.

 

DH works late most nights so I might be able to go for a short walk when he gets home but it doesn't happen often. I've tried to institute a quiet time but the baby's nap time is when we do school and that would be my only down time. We eat grass fed beef and organic chicken. I don't drink milk period but eat organic yogurt. I really don't eat wheat, etc. I'm not sure what I could cut there. I really don't know how I could structure our day differently to give me "time". DH gets home late, we have no outside help and the kids aren't old enough to leave alone to get down time.

 

So far this morning I woke up exhausted, the kids are driving me insane. It's just too loud and our house is tiny. :( I've helped DH with some work stuff and wigged out on him when he (politely) said I did something incorrectly that I'd been working on. I just want to hide.

as far as school. For right now while your baby is less than 3, cut back to formal studies of reading, math, english and maybe some spelling. Do your basics, and try to cover history and science informally during the chaotic hours when the baby is awake.

 

Can you get up early and teach your oldest his lessons and then let him complete the assignments on his own? Then after he's done, he can play with the baby while you teach the other kids. Do everything you can to juggle the mornings so that you can get school done before lunch. Let your kids take turns minding the baby so that you can do school with the other ones.

 

Another thing, as an introvert, sometimes I stay up late needing alone time, which makes me exhausted and cranky the next day. For a week, make an effort to get 8-9 hours of sleep if at all possible. Then I have a clearer head and more energy to tackle school more efficiently. If I can get school done before lunch then I can have some alone time in the afternoon, which helps a ton.

[Laurie4b]

If you really don't want to take the meds, make a commitment to exercise 6 days a week, not "when you can get to the gym." There are multiple research studies saying it works as well as meds, has only good side-effects, and has a longer-term positive outcome.

 

You can do your exercise in 10 min. spurts. Dance hard for 10 min. Walk up and down your stairs. Play one of the wii-fit games that makes you move, do laps around the park or yard while your kids are playing, etc.

[LucyStoner]

Personally, I'm not willing to take a medication unless seeing a mental health provider for talk therapy. Just passing out meds without seeing someone specifically for depression is not my cup of tea. I would be leery of a doctor who says there is not a problem that warrants seeing a therapist but prescribes meds anyway.

 

I tried Celexa. For me the sexual side effects were awful and frankly made me feel worse. It killed one of the more positive and functional parts of my life, thereby making the depression much worse. Obviously everyone is different but as I understand it with drugs like Celexa, most everyone reports at least some sexual side effects.

 

Through working with a counselor and a naturopathic doctor, I found that I feel almost like my old, non depressed, self again. I take Wellbutrin which has no sexual side effects and also take a high dose of D and B vitamins, high amount of omega 3s, made many good dietary changes and work out regularly. I see the counselor about 1-2 a month now. I also reorganized my life to be less hectic and read more. Huge positive change for me, and huge positive change for my kids. I will transition off the Wellbutrin at some point next year.

Edited November 1, 2012 by kijipt

[swellmomma]

I take supplements for mood when I start feeling off, overwhelmed etc. Lately I never get a break from anything, the kids are at each other's throats, we are on teh go a lot which means less time to put the house back in order and it is starting to win that battle etc. I try to use supplements to help me past that hurdle so that it doesn't trigger a depression.

 

I go to the dr and discuss med options when my kids tell me I need happy pills. I have told my kids for years that if they see mean momma coming out (when I get depression I get irritable and angry not weepy...and I battle seasonal depression more years than not), they are to tell me right away. I try to heavily monitor myself, but t is easier for them to notice it than me. They know the difference between we made momma mad, and momma is not herself and will tell me point blank I need happy pills. I call the dr right away and book and appt. This has worked for us for years now. It really made them feel empowered that they knew they could call me on irrational/angry behaviour without fear of being in trouble and that made them feel safe etc.

[Parrothead]

...and I just want to cry.

Maybe you should. Have a good cleansing cry.

[Tiramisu]

Could you try ear plugs? I'm not kidding. I haven't tried it, but it has been recommended for my dd who is very sensitive to noise. Noise is extremely draining to those who are sensitive to it. Call your dh and tell him to pick some up at the drug store on the way home. Try it and if it seems to help a bit you can then try to find a type you like better.

 

I've realized that on our coop days, it's the noise that does me in and makes me feel fried at the end of the day. Now that my schedule is different and I can sit quietly in the car alone for a bit, I'm actually doing better even with a more demanding day overall.

 

Try stretching before bed and have your little ones rub your feet for a break during the day. :D

[lisamarie]

I guess I'll be the opposing voice. I felt very much like you last year. Overwhelmed, my margins were super small meaning the littlest things would set me off. I snapped at my kids way too much. I was grumpy with my DH most of the time. I finally hit the wall and knew it was time to get help. I honestly wouldn't say I was depressed. I think I was just overwhelmed and couldn't handle life anymore.

 

I started zoloft and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Within 6 weeks I was a completely different person. A better person. I could handle my kids' attitudes and actions. I could handle a change in my routine. I started smiling. Taking chances where I used to be too afraid. I don't ever want to go back to where I was a year ago.

 

Just be forewarned that the first few weeks might be bad. I felt extremely nauseated at first. I was really tempted to stop taking the med when I felt so sick, but once I got past the first 2-3 weeks I was totally fine.

 

We can all sit here and give you our opinions, but only you and your DH can decide if this is something you should try. I put off getting help for a long time because I didn't want to go the meds route, but when my DH told me that things couldn't go on like this anymore, I knew I had to take action.

[Twigs]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[swellmomma]

I guess I'll be the opposing voice. I felt very much like you last year. Overwhelmed, my margins were super small meaning the littlest things would set me off. I snapped at my kids way too much. I was grumpy with my DH most of the time. I finally hit the wall and knew it was time to get help. I honestly wouldn't say I was depressed. I think I was just overwhelmed and couldn't handle life anymore.

 

I started zoloft and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Within 6 weeks I was a completely different person. A better person. I could handle my kids' attitudes and actions. I could handle a change in my routine. I started smiling. Taking chances where I used to be too afraid. I don't ever want to go back to where I was a year ago.

 

Just be forewarned that the first few weeks might be bad. I felt extremely nauseated at first. I was really tempted to stop taking the med when I felt so sick, but once I got past the first 2-3 weeks I was totally fine.

 

We can all sit here and give you our opinions, but only you and your DH can decide if this is something you should try. I put off getting help for a long time because I didn't want to go the meds route, but when my DH told me that things couldn't go on like this anymore, I knew I had to take action.

 

I don't think you are the opposing voice, a couple of us suggested meds if warranted. I think the reason many said not to rush to meds is because many dr's will prescribe them needlessly and not properly monitor. I think it is worth trying alternative measures and see if they work, if not then go for meds.

[MomatHWTK]

When I'm not the mom my kids deserve to have, I take something. :grouphug:

[mommymilkies]

I guess I'll be the opposing voice. I felt very much like you last year. Overwhelmed, my margins were super small meaning the littlest things would set me off. I snapped at my kids way too much. I was grumpy with my DH most of the time. I finally hit the wall and knew it was time to get help. I honestly wouldn't say I was depressed. I think I was just overwhelmed and couldn't handle life anymore.

 

I started zoloft and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Within 6 weeks I was a completely different person. A better person. I could handle my kids' attitudes and actions. I could handle a change in my routine. I started smiling. Taking chances where I used to be too afraid. I don't ever want to go back to where I was a year ago.

 

Just be forewarned that the first few weeks might be bad. I felt extremely nauseated at first. I was really tempted to stop taking the med when I felt so sick, but once I got past the first 2-3 weeks I was totally fine.

 

We can all sit here and give you our opinions, but only you and your DH can decide if this is something you should try. I put off getting help for a long time because I didn't want to go the meds route, but when my DH told me that things couldn't go on like this anymore, I knew I had to take action.

 

:iagree: I have anxiety & am very introverted, anyway. But ppd pushed me over that edge. I could have written your post, but mine kept deteriorating. Not dangerous, just so anxious and overwhelmed. Zoloft has been a life saver. And I'm not just "popping pills" to make it all go away. :001_huh: It doesn't work that way. I still get overwhelmed, stressed, sad, etc. but I can deal with it a little better. I tried for about a year to take every nutrient supplement, herb, exercise, meditation, hypnosis, you name it. It just made me feel like more of a failure.

[delaney]

I take 20mg of Prozac. If not I rage-REALLY rage. Prozac keeps me from popping my cork. I can feel the emotion but it stops it right at the point where I would get stupid. It is a great feeling to know that there is something to help me. I have also had some anxiety issues and it takes care of that as well. It is hormonal (PMDD) and I know it is coming but I just tell myself to shut up.:tongue_smilie:

[gardenmom5]

do you take a good b-complex? stress will deplete b-vitamins.

some rx will deplete vitamins, so check on the celexa.

 

if it is slowing down your life and making things harder to accomplish, rx can help. the stress of never knowing when a commission will come in is taxing - don't underestimate the effect that can have on your health.

 

You can always do a one or two month trial and see if you feel better.

 

eta: I want to add that even if you aren't depressed, stress/anxiety can have similar physiological effects on our bodies and brains as depression (reducing neural pathways). but because stress isn't "depression", it will often get ignored. don't ignore it.

Edited November 1, 2012 by gardenmom5

[Joanne]

:iagree: I have anxiety & am very introverted, anyway. But ppd pushed me over that edge. I could have written your post, but mine kept deteriorating. Not dangerous, just so anxious and overwhelmed. Zoloft has been a life saver. And I'm not just "popping pills" to make it all go away. :001_huh: It doesn't work that way. I still get overwhelmed, stressed, sad, etc. but I can deal with it a little better. I tried for about a year to take every nutrient supplement, herb, exercise, meditation, hypnosis, you name it. It just made me feel like more of a failure.

 

You had clinical symptoms that indicated a need for an Rx.

[Stayseeliz]

Maybe I wasn't honest about my symptoms. I have trouble sleeping, zero patience, constant exhaustion, anxiety and fear about the future and decreased appetite. I know most of my issues are situational but the honest truth is that my situation won't change anytime soon. DH can't find another job, my kids are growing but they won't gave any level of independence anytime soon. I had a meltdown during my last period. I sobbed and sobbed and yelled at my kids. I don't lay in bed and sleep because I just CAN'T. No one else is going to take care of my kids. I crawl out of bed exhausted every morning but it's hard to crawl out of bed.

 

I am not a pill popper. Period. I have a master's degree in counseling and I feel like an utter failure for even thinking about taking medication. But the post about not being the mom my kids need to be made me cry. They deserve better than this. But I don't think there is anyone to ride in to this situation and rescue me and make me feel human again. I don't have outside help beyond DH and he has to work a lot to keep our heads above water. This has been building since my youngest was born 19 months ago. But I am not just overwhelmed. I don't think I'm clinically depressed but I'm not just looking for a happy pill by any means.

[NASDAQ]

It is possible to be a very high functioning person and still be depressed. I have always been a high functioning depressive. If you are otherwise depressive, but you still get a lot done, you may still have just a slightly atypical presentation of depression.

 

Given what you've said, I'd try the Celexa. You might not be depressed if your life weren't stressful . . . but you can't unmake your life to be different right now, and this might help. JMHO though and I'm not the kind of person who feels obliged to move heaven and earth both to avoid taking a medication.

[OH_Homeschooler]

Maybe I wasn't honest about my symptoms. I have trouble sleeping, zero patience, constant exhaustion, anxiety and fear about the future and decreased appetite. I know most of my issues are situational but the honest truth is that my situation won't change anytime soon. DH can't find another job, my kids are growing but they won't gave any level of independence anytime soon. I had a meltdown during my last period. I sobbed and sobbed and yelled at my kids. I don't lay in bed and sleep because I just CAN'T. No one else is going to take care of my kids. I crawl out of bed exhausted every morning but it's hard to crawl out of bed.

 

I am not a pill popper. Period. I have a master's degree in counseling and I feel like an utter failure for even thinking about taking medication. But the post about not being the mom my kids need to be made me cry. They deserve better than this. But I don't think there is anyone to ride in to this situation and rescue me and make me feel human again. I don't have outside help beyond DH and he has to work a lot to keep our heads above water. This has been building since my youngest was born 19 months ago. But I am not just overwhelmed. I don't think I'm clinically depressed but I'm not just looking for a happy pill by any means.

 

Situational stress can lead into biological depression.

 

It makes me SO mad to read that people feel like a failure for taking a pill. Are cancer patients failures when they decide to go on chemo? Both are biological conditions.

 

Yes, obviously I believe in antidepressants I started taking Paxil over 10 years ago and started out with counseling. My counselor herself told me I wouldn't really benefit from counseling any more so I stopped. I've gone on and off either Paxil or Zoloft, and after the last time I stopped taking Paxil and had a breakdown, I decided that I could not go through that again. I guess I'm a lifer. I have a family pre-disposition to depression (my mom had been hospitalized more than once, etc.)

 

And in my experience, once you start asking if you could benefit from antidepressants, you probably need to be on them. I know how strong my denial was when I was very deep in the depression. By the time I finally started wondering if I should take something (both when I first started on antidepressants and after I'd stopped because I was feeling better), that was significant.

[Sara in AZ]

Maybe I wasn't honest about my symptoms. I have trouble sleeping, zero patience, constant exhaustion, anxiety and fear about the future and decreased appetite. I know most of my issues are situational but the honest truth is that my situation won't change anytime soon. DH can't find another job, my kids are growing but they won't gave any level of independence anytime soon. I had a meltdown during my last period. I sobbed and sobbed and yelled at my kids. I don't lay in bed and sleep because I just CAN'T. No one else is going to take care of my kids. I crawl out of bed exhausted every morning but it's hard to crawl out of bed.

 

I am not a pill popper. Period. I have a master's degree in counseling and I feel like an utter failure for even thinking about taking medication. But the post about not being the mom my kids need to be made me cry. They deserve better than this. But I don't think there is anyone to ride in to this situation and rescue me and make me feel human again. I don't have outside help beyond DH and he has to work a lot to keep our heads above water. This has been building since my youngest was born 19 months ago. But I am not just overwhelmed. I don't think I'm clinically depressed but I'm not just looking for a happy pill by any means.

 

I could have written all your posts. I am in a very similar place. I want to be a happy mom, but I often find myself too overwhelmed with life and school and needy children to do anything but cry. I've been seriously considering trying some meds because my kids need a mom that doesn't cry uncontrollably and yell all the time. I don't want that to be their memories of me. (There are a lot of good days, but the bad are coming too often I think.)

 

I am in counseling, and just yesterday I visited my naturopath and visited for about 1 1/2 about my situation. I left with three pages of notes about books to read and various supplements to try. Perhaps you could find a good naturopath to talk to if you want an alternative to meds, but by all means try the meds if you want to and don't feel guilty about making a choice to try and be the best mom you can be for yourself and your kids.

[mommymilkies]

You had clinical symptoms that indicated a need for an Rx.

 

How were my symptoms described very different? Why the stigma on trying meds out? I'm the first to go for Rescue Remedy, and we don't even vax, but there's no need to make someone feel bad for trying out a SSRI when they're having trouble coping, kwim? They aren't the only answer, but they should be an *acceptable* solution.

[gardenmom5]

I don't think I'm clinically depressed but I'm not just looking for a happy pill by any means.

 

this is why I didn't seek help. I "wasn't "depressed"". (I've been clinically depressed. the anxiety was worse.) I DID have major anxiety symptoms and was in pretty scary shape when I finally did get help. (oh, my dr treated me like a hypochondriac and I didn't have it in me to find a new one. I'd trust him to diagnose - not treat- a compound fracture, but not much else.)

 

Just because you're not "depressed", doens't mean your brain chemistry isn't seriously out-of-whack and in need of an "adjustment". the effects of stress and anxiety on the brain PHYSICALLY are similar to depression. stress and anxiety ALSO reduce neural pathways in the brain. stress and anxiety often get written off as not as big a deal as depression because "they aren't depression". However, the impact on our body and brain isn't all that different.

 

If a friend came to you with your symptoms, what would you tell her? to take advantage of the medication that will help restore her brain chemistry to what it needs to be so she can function at an appropriate level (even if the stress is ongoing), or suck it up and try alternative methods?

 

frankly, I'd do the rx, and also use alternative things that will also help to maintain a healthy brain chemistry after the drugs do their job.

Edited November 1, 2012 by gardenmom5

[Joanne]

Maybe I wasn't honest about my symptoms. I have trouble sleeping, zero patience, constant exhaustion, anxiety and fear about the future and decreased appetite. I know most of my issues are situational but the honest truth is that my situation won't change anytime soon. DH can't find another job, my kids are growing but they won't gave any level of independence anytime soon. I had a meltdown during my last period. I sobbed and sobbed and yelled at my kids. I don't lay in bed and sleep because I just CAN'T. No one else is going to take care of my kids. I crawl out of bed exhausted every morning but it's hard to crawl out of bed.

 

I am not a pill popper. Period. I have a master's degree in counseling and I feel like an utter failure for even thinking about taking medication. But the post about not being the mom my kids need to be made me cry. They deserve better than this. But I don't think there is anyone to ride in to this situation and rescue me and make me feel human again. I don't have outside help beyond DH and he has to work a lot to keep our heads above water. This has been building since my youngest was born 19 months ago. But I am not just overwhelmed. I don't think I'm clinically depressed but I'm not just looking for a happy pill by any means.

 

Now that's a different story. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Channel your inner counselor. What would you tell a client about taking an appropriate Rx? You'd discourage the use of the term "pill popper" because of the harshness and connotations. You'd tell them that they deserve holistic care. You'd tell them that they count, too, and not just the people in their care. You'd tell them that something is wrong with their body, and if an appropriate Rx is found, it is appropriate to take it - just like antibiotics for an infection, insulin for a diabetic, singulair for asthamtics.

 

(And I never thought you were looking for a happy pill)

[Joanne]

How were my symptoms described very different? Why the stigma on trying meds out? I'm the first to go for Rescue Remedy, and we don't even vax, but there's no need to make someone feel bad for trying out a SSRI when they're having trouble coping, kwim? They aren't the only answer, but they should be an *acceptable* solution.

 

Dude. You are reading my posts wrong. I do not attach stigma to taking appropriate meds for mental health. I am one of the first, always, to support moms if they go there. I probably drive the anti-med folks nuts. My response to you was because you had clinical reason to seek Rx support.

 

The info presented in the OP did not = need for meds.

[lisamarie]

Maybe I wasn't honest about my symptoms. I have trouble sleeping, zero patience, constant exhaustion, anxiety and fear about the future and decreased appetite. I know most of my issues are situational but the honest truth is that my situation won't change anytime soon. I had a meltdown during my last period. I sobbed and sobbed and yelled at my kids. I don't lay in bed and sleep because I just CAN'T. No one else is going to take care of my kids. I crawl out of bed exhausted every morning but it's hard to crawl out of bed.

 

If this were me (which it was a year ago), I would take the pills. That's how I was when I went to the dr for help--minus the decreased appetite (that would be nice:tongue_smilie:).

 

When you look in the mirror and wonder "who the heck IS this person?" because you no longer recognize yourself under the angry, fearful, anxious, stressed, tired body, then IMO it's time to seek treatment.

 

If you're interested, I blogged just last week about how much the meds have helped me.

[jcgonczi]

Maybe I wasn't honest about my symptoms. I have trouble sleeping, zero patience, constant exhaustion, anxiety and fear about the future and decreased appetite. I know most of my issues are situational but the honest truth is that my situation won't change anytime soon. DH can't find another job, my kids are growing but they won't gave any level of independence anytime soon. I had a meltdown during my last period. I sobbed and sobbed and yelled at my kids. I don't lay in bed and sleep because I just CAN'T. No one else is going to take care of my kids. I crawl out of bed exhausted every morning but it's hard to crawl out of bed.

 

I am not a pill popper. Period. I have a master's degree in counseling and I feel like an utter failure for even thinking about taking medication. But the post about not being the mom my kids need to be made me cry. They deserve better than this. But I don't think there is anyone to ride in to this situation and rescue me and make me feel human again. I don't have outside help beyond DH and he has to work a lot to keep our heads above water. This has been building since my youngest was born 19 months ago. But I am not just overwhelmed. I don't think I'm clinically depressed but I'm not just looking for a happy pill by any means.

 

 

This sounds exactly like the postpartum depression I had. Add all of the stress you are under and I can't imagine how you must feel. And yes - postpartum depression can last 19 months plus. I also understand not wanting to take the meds because of the stigma, even if it was self imposed. All I can tell you is that Prozac changed my life for the good. Heck, it probably even saved my life. And it definitely makes me a better person and mother. Over the last 10 years I have gone off it several times and have always regretted it. So I guess what I am trying to say is don't be too hard on yourself and do what you have to do to get better. If that means meds, so be it. You and your children deserve better.

[Stayseeliz]

If this were me (which it was a year ago), I would take the pills. That's how I was when I went to the dr for help--minus the decreased appetite (that would be nice:tongue_smilie:).

 

When you look in the mirror and wonder "who the heck IS this person?" because you no longer recognize yourself under the angry, fearful, anxious, stressed, tired body, then IMO it's time to seek treatment.

 

If you're interested, I blogged just last week about how much the meds have helped me.

 

That is exactly how I feel right now. I look in the mirror and I don't know who this exhausted, grumpy, grouchy, stressed person is. I hate it. :(

[proudmamma]

Have you heard of Julia Ross? She wrote a book called The Mood Cure that is great and has helped lots of people. She uses amino acids like 5HTP, etc that you can get through Amazon, etc. These are natural and safe and not very expensive. You might consider trying these first. SSRIs tend to help at first but can cause long term problems that might not make them worth it to you. They cause your body to reuse what little serotonin is there and eventually your brain becomes even more depleted and so you have to up your dose or switch, etc. There are also side effects to them. Natural tryptophan, GABA, and other amino acides provide you with more serotonin (or whatever particular amino acid you need) and fill up your tank :) Usually you only need them for a few months to a year. After that, you only use them as needed. SHe provides tests you can take online to help you decide what you need. I would seriously think hard before taking a SSRI. Best of luck to you. Here is the link:

 

http://www.moodcure.com/

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I only have a minute, but I second the recommendation for The Mood Cure. That's what got me started with 5-HTP, and it turned my life around. I was that snappy, short-tempered, shouting, crying, mean mom--it was awful. Yes, there are things you can do to change your situational aspects, but in the meantime, it's hard to make any positive changes when life looks so bleak. And I was in a situation like you--DH working 60-70 hour weeks, me working a 30 hour week with almost no childcare, two kids (one of whom had an undiagnosed food sensitivity), an intense introvert with NO time to herself and people talking to her and touching her and demanding things of her all day long.

 

I tried melatonin, b-complexes, vitamin D, going to sleep earlier, making lists, getting out more, getting out less, exercising, going easy on myself, trying to make myself more structured...and on and on. When I started taking the 5-HTP, the core of anger in me melted away. I was able to think calmly about situations, where before I was like a whip that cracked before I even had time to blink. I was able to laugh with my kids again. I was able to calmly work through things with my DH. I started with 50 mg twice a day, then went to 100 mg with my breakfast. I can't take the time-release kind--it has to be a high quality brand, and it has to hit me full on. 100 mg may be too much for others, some people may need to take it bedtime, some people may need to split the dose. You have to play around with it to see what will work. I've also heard good things about rhodiola but haven't tried it.

 

I als believe that 5-HTP isn't the answer for everyone. I have a friend who was having a similar problem to mine (though with an intense anxiety element), and 5-HTP made her agitated. She ended up on prescription meds, and she's much, much happier these days. I would have been happy to get a prescription if it could have done for me what the 5-HTP did. I'm happy I didn't have to, but I'm firmly in the camp of "you do what you need to do to get through this phase." It's almost impossible to see the light when you're at the bottom of the well and the sides are caving in, KWIM?

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: from someone who's been there. Get the help you need, mama. You deserve it, and you family deserves a mom who's happy and healthy and whole.

[mommymilkies]

I also would love to try 5-HTP, but OP, if you are breastfeeding, the Mood Cure authors say to try tryptophan.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I also would love to try 5-HTP, but OP, if you are breastfeeding, the Mood Cure authors say to try tryptophan.

 

Oh, great point, I hadn't thought of that.

[swellmomma]

I have not read the mood cure but I do take 5-HTP here, that was one of the things I use to supplement when I feel myself slipping. My teens take it too. It was recommended to us by a natural psychiatrist to use with ds until I save enough to do the neurofeedback therapy we want to do. It does help but I do know there is times when things are beyond the 5-HTP and I turn to meds, but is always my first line of defense. My ds14 says he feels more human when he takes it as well, off of it he says the world is too much.

[Amy in NH]

I sought pharmaceutical help when I could no longer function in my daily life due to my symptoms of anxiety and depression. I couldn't sleep, but didn't want to get out of bed. I felt like I was filled with adrenaline all the time. I had irrational mood swings and had started to self-medicate with alcohol. I felt like the world would be better off without me, but I wanted to be a good mother to my children and I knew I wasn't being one at all because I was dysfunctional at that time. I had always been an overachiever, but at that time I was at a standstill. I was avoiding all of my responsibilities, and crying an awful lot. I sat in the doctor's office and cried through my appointment; I couldn't stop. The medication I received as a result of that appointment took the feeling of constant adrenaline away and gave me breathing space. I was able to deal with the situational issues that had led to my mental state, one at a time, to make small positive steps to improve those situations.

 

If you feel like that, please get help. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it.

There is a stigma because people aren't honest with each other about these things. I hope my honesty helps you to not feel so alone.

Edited November 2, 2012 by Amy in NH

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I sat in the doctor's office and cried through my appointment; I couldn't stop.

 

:grouphug: :( I remember going to my first therapy appointment. Up until then I'd been telling myself, "I'm fine, I just need to get more sleep, be more disciplined, have more time to myself, eat better, this is silly, I don't need to be here." I sat down in her quiet little waiting room and burst into tears. We run ourselves so hard, I think, and we expect so much from ourselves. It IS constant adrenaline, and cortisol, ALL the time. It just destroys the ability to deal with the world normally.

 

I wonder if introverts have more of a problem with this because we're so much more sensitive to the constant stimuli of HSing? Now that my kids are older, it's gotten a bit better, but both they and my DH are extroverts, so they're constantly seeking stimuli, and I'm constantly trying to reduce it! This has always been my biggest problem in HSing. The idea of entire days alone is like paradise to me. I love HSing, and I love my kids, but I cannot wait until it is over!

 

ETA: A link about cortisol and depression. There are lots of links out there if you google "cortisol and depression," but most of the good ones were from medical journals, and I'm too tired to fight my way through them tonight!

Edited November 2, 2012 by Sweet Morning Air

[Susan C.]

I have been struggling since my youngest was born. She is 19mo. I have four kids 11 and under, we homeschool, my second oldest has some mild special needs, and my DH is self employed and works on straight commission so we never know when the money is coming in. That is a lot. My dh is self employed and I get that pressure. I only homeschooled 2 kids with dh going from working outside the home, to working at home, to working outside job cut pay, etc. It was a lot to handle. I can't imagine adding 2 more kids, one SN. Schools where I am are not great, so when people mentioned stopping homeschooling, I didn't feel it was an option for me. Is it for you (treading gently, but is it worth exploring?).

 

I feel overwhelmed. Very much so. I love my life and my kids but I'm just overwhelmed. I am more of an introvert by nature and it wears on me to have someone "need" me all the time. By the time I get any down time after the kids go to bed I am so exhausted that I just fall asleep. You may indeed have too much on your plate. It happens. I think the tears are saying you are overloaded, that its too much. If there is no way to reduce your work load, then you will need help coping. I always first try to get work load manageable, but I do know that always doesn't happen. One thing I did do was tell dh that I would do very little for his business. And that business calls couldn't come to our house to keep it peaceful. I couldn't handle business responsibilities interfering with homeschooling, and the homeschooling kept me from home duties, and forget anything for me. And for you, adding a baby and a SN, you are definitely doing way better than I would be.

 

I am trying to institute several things to make me feel better. I go to the gym when I can, I avoid sugar and "junk" food, I read when I get a chance, etc. I just started taking a tiny dose of Simply Sleep to help me sleep more deeply at night and I think that is helping a little bit. I also plan on finding a good vitamin and I'm trying to drink a lot of water. I've tried to pare down so we're only gone for a significant amount of time two days a week. We have swim team most nights but I feel better if I get out at least some. I am giving the kids more chores and making sure they get them done. I am trying to spread the responsibility around. Swim team almost every night, well, can you drop the kids off and use the time to do errands, or go to the gym or go home to cook? Any way your dh can take and pick up, or pick up? Can you reduce the every night to once or twice a week? Or can you take a break for awhile?

 

I went to the dr yesterday to get refills on my thyroid medicine and I asked her if there was something I could do to help me handle things better. She said they offer counseling at the office but it would be impossible to get there with the kids and there really is nothing "wrong". Life is just stressful and hard right now. I am a thyroid patient. If you are stressed, your body doesn't use the thyroid meds well. That in itself can contribute to depression. BTDT

 

She suggested that I try a small dose (10mg) of Celexa. She said she thought that would help things not seem so overwhelming. I got it filled but I'm not sure about taking it. I was reading online about side effects and the weight gain and low "drive" would be bothersome. Does the weight gain really come from the medicine or from wanting to EAT more while on the medicine? If I was mindful of what I ate would I still gain? I know that would make me feel awful if I gained at this point. I'm still working off the baby weight. Its definitely your call. For me, I wouldn't (side effects), but I do know some who have benefited from Zoloft and Prozac.

 

I'm just trying to figure out if the side effects of the medicine are worth it. I don't want to get frustrated and yell at the kids anymore. I don't want to be remembered that way. :( I get that and have said the same thing. While I was working a job that wanted me to produce about 10 hours of work in a 4 hour day, a counselor gave me an analogy. He gave me a styrofoam cup and a large can full of coffee grounds. He then said to put all the coffee from the can into the cup. And of course, I stared at the cup a bit, trying to figure how I could do it... The counselor laughed then said only so much fits in the cup, no more. Meaning you can only do so much and no one can expect any more. It is very hard for me to say no, and he was trying to get me to when too much was expected of me.

 

Thanks for any thoughts!

 

:grouphug::grouphug: My thoughts in pink above, hope it helps.

[kubiac]

Ask about Wellbutrin instead of Celexa if you're worried about side effects. Wellbutrin tends to be fairly "well-tolerated" and more activating and energizing than some meds because it's a different kind of pill. (It's not an amphetamine, don't worry.) Some people even LOSE a few pounds after being on it for a while; many antidepressants cause weight gain.

[Joanne]

wonder if introverts have more of a problem with this because we're so much more sensitive to the constant stimuli of HSing? Now that my kids are older' date=' it's gotten a bit better, but both they and my DH are extroverts, so they're constantly seeking stimuli, and I'm constantly trying to reduce it! This has always been my biggest problem in HSing. The idea of entire days alone is like paradise to me. I love HSing, and I love my kids, but I cannot wait until it is over!

 

![/quote']

 

Yes, and I think we have it harder because introverts are not valued in Western/American culture.

 

I think, sometimes, introverts get a bad response *here* because of the posts that read something like this:

 

"I have multiple children, homeschool, and cook basic food from scratch. I do not have anyone I trust to watch my kids, and when my DH is off from work, we enjoy family time. I actually like being with my kids. I don't need time away, or time off. I do not get a break, and do not need one. Gotta go, a little one needs me to read A Tale of Two Cities to them. I love my life! I am so blessed!" Sig line, AtHomeMama2severalClingyLittlesWhoIAdore.

[tex-mex]

Yes, and I think we have it harder because introverts are not valued in Western/American culture.

 

I think, sometimes, introverts get a bad response *here* because of the posts that read something like this:

 

"I have multiple children, homeschool, and cook basic food from scratch. I do not have anyone I trust to watch my kids, and when my DH is off from work, we enjoy family time. I actually like being with my kids. I don't need time away, or time off. I do not get a break, and do not need one. Gotta go, a little one needs me to read A Tale of Two Cities to them. I love my life! I am so blessed!" Sig line, AtHomeMama2severalClingyLittlesWhoIAdore.

:iagree:

God bless those choleric personalities... they can run the world!

 

I like my "cave" as an introvert. But do not like those who misunderstand my introvert ways -- and think I need to get out more. Sorry for the off-topic reply. Liked what Joanne said above. LOL ;)

[Heidi]

I don't think I'm depressed. I think I'm stressed and overwhelmed. I'm trying everything I know to do to not feel this way and I just want to cry. I want to be left alone but I know that's not an option right now.

 

DH works late most nights so I might be able to go for a short walk when he gets home but it doesn't happen often. I've tried to institute a quiet time but the baby's nap time is when we do school and that would be my only down time. We eat grass fed beef and organic chicken. I don't drink milk period but eat organic yogurt. I really don't eat wheat, etc. I'm not sure what I could cut there. I really don't know how I could structure our day differently to give me "time". DH gets home late, we have no outside help and the kids aren't old enough to leave alone to get down time.

 

So far this morning I woke up exhausted, the kids are driving me insane. It's just too loud and our house is tiny. :( I've helped DH with some work stuff and wigged out on him when he (politely) said I did something incorrectly that I'd been working on. I just want to hide.

 

I understand this. I get like that too. What has worked for ME is to actually focus on the kids MORE, which I know sounds the opposite of what you want to do. I try to remember how much I love them, how fast time flies, and to find joy and humor in their various ages and stages. Then I spend more time with them, reading, talking, doing a fun activity together. I begin to forget about myself and find fulfillment in being a mother. And then implement a 2 hour mandatory nap/quiet time in the middle of the day.

I am currently trying to get back to that point myself. Which means I need to get off this stinkin' computer and interact with them. :) Good luck!!

[Tiramisu]

Yes, and I think we have it harder because introverts are not valued in Western/American culture.

 

I think, sometimes, introverts get a bad response *here* because of the posts that read something like this:

 

"I have multiple children, homeschool, and cook basic food from scratch. I do not have anyone I trust to watch my kids, and when my DH is off from work, we enjoy family time. I actually like being with my kids. I don't need time away, or time off. I do not get a break, and do not need one. Gotta go, a little one needs me to read A Tale of Two Cities to them. I love my life! I am so blessed!" Sig line, AtHomeMama2severalClingyLittlesWhoIAdore.

 

I love this, too! Thanks, Joanne! :lol:

 

I wish I could give the OP a hug, but I think she'd rather just have some alone time. So I'll settle for a cyber one. :grouphug:

 

Reading the OP's more detailed post of her situation, I would definitely not wait to do something. Contacting a therapist today would be a good start. That might make the medication decision easier. Whatever choice you make, you're more likely to be at peace with it.

 

We had a situation recently when a neurologist recommended a med to help one dc with her processing disorder because of the physical symptoms he thinks it's causing. Before he would hand over the script, he asked to dd to have at least on session with her therapist to make sure she understood and was okay with it. We're still holding off because we're still working on eliminating medical causes, but when/if we get to the point of starting it we'll be prepared.

[bookfiend]

Perhaps it would help relieve the stress of the decision to consider that nothing has to be a permanent choice. Try things. You can try the medication. If the side effects are too awful or the results aren't what you need, the Dr. can direct you on how to stop. You can try and keep or discard many of the other wise suggestions given here.

 

The postive in your post is that you have both the knowledge that change is needed and the energy and drive to try. :grouphug: as you move forward.

[fairfarmhand]

Yes, and I think we have it harder because introverts are not valued in Western/American culture.

 

I think, sometimes, introverts get a bad response *here* because of the posts that read something like this:

 

"I have multiple children, homeschool, and cook basic food from scratch. I do not have anyone I trust to watch my kids, and when my DH is off from work, we enjoy family time. I actually like being with my kids. I don't need time away, or time off. I do not get a break, and do not need one. Gotta go, a little one needs me to read A Tale of Two Cities to them. I love my life! I am so blessed!" Sig line, AtHomeMama2severalClingyLittlesWhoIAdore.

thank you Joanne...this is so true.

 

One huge factor in our deciding to stop having children was how it affected me for the first 2-3 years of a needy child-ness. I just could NOT do that anymore, and my dh agreed. He wanted me to be me. Not the tired, stressed, don't-you-dare-touch-me-I've-been-touched-all-day woman that I am when I have babies around.

[2squared]

:grouphug: I completely understand where you are. I have five kids aged 10yo & under, and life is tough.

 

"I have multiple children, homeschool, and cook basic food from scratch. I do not have anyone I trust to watch my kids, and when my DH is off from work, we enjoy family time. I actually like being with my kids. I don't need time away, or time off. I do not get a break, and do not need one. Gotta go, a little one needs me to read A Tale of Two Cities to them. I love my life! I am so blessed!" Sig line, AtHomeMama2severalClingyLittlesWhoIAdore.

 

:iagree: I agree these posts are tough to read. I don't always enjoy being with my kids, and I need time off and away. The few breaks I get help me maintain my sanity. My youngest turned two a couple days ago, and I *think* I can see a different normal coming soon.