Getting teenagers out of bed?

[mjpeter]

This is a daily problem with my oldest son. We've tried everything, and it seems like I spend most of my morning dealing with this. I'm almost to the point that I don't care when his work is done (even if it's at midnight) as long as it's completed. Let's just say my husband doesn't agree. ;)

 

We've tried having him go to bed earlier and he claims he can't sleep. If we drag him out of bed he's such a grump that I don't want to deal with him. In the afternoons and evenings he's such a good kid.

 

What do you do with your teenagers who aren't early birds??

[In The Great White North]

Calculus at midnight

[Amethyst]

Wow. Good question. I wish I had the answer, but I still wrestle with this. But I tend to agree with you dh that letting him stay in bed as long as he wants is not the answer.

 

So, I can think of two ways to deal with it:

 

1. Give him a nice incentive to get out of bed, eg. if he likes a home-cooked breakfast of bacon and eggs, start doing that.

 

2. Give him another type of incentive to get out of bed, eg. he has to catch the 7:00 AM bus to a college class or volunteer work etc.

 

You'll notice I'm not suggesting "consequences". That's only because they've never worked with my own son. Hopefully someone else will have better ideas than mine.

[mjpeter]

Calculus at midnight

 

Not so off base. Yesterday he told me that he didn't have to do math since he did it the night before when he should have been in bed. He literally go out of bed at midnight, went to his bin and got his books and completed a Saxon Algebra 2 lesson. :banghead:

 

I made him do another one and thanked him for the extra credit.

[*********]

Someone help me out here, 'cause I don't understand.

 

I'm not being snarky, I promise.

 

When my dss is here, he sets his alarm to wake up for school. (Granted he goes to PS, but I don't see how that's different really in this situation.) I get up as well to get him and dh off for the day. I pop my head in and do a 'Dss, are you up?' but that's it.

 

If we were homeschooling dh and I wanted him to get up at a certain time, we'd do the exact same thing.

 

So OP, I think you might be struggling with more of an obedience issue than a 'how to get teenagers up' issue. If your dh has decided it's important to him that your ds get up by a certain time, well then that's what he does. He sets his alarm and gets up. If he doesn't follow through with that, then there are whatever consequences you use in your house for disobedience. And if he decides to be crabby in the morning because dad says he has to get up at a certain time and he doesn't want to, well then there'd be consequences for that as well. Something that would make ds not want to repeat the cranky morning routine too many more times. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm not being dense, really. But in my house, if dh and I decide that, say, 9am is wake up time for dss, then he gets up at 9am. He doesn't have to like it, but he has to do it. And once he's up, he has to treat people according to the rules of our home.

[justLisa]

Well I can't stand the word obedience, but in any case I don't think being tired is disobedient. I'd have to find the sources, but I have read study after study about a teen's need for sleep. I was an early bird. I took calculus in college at 6:50 on purpose. But my sister? OMG she was like the walking dead if she had to get up before 10. She would bob her head and yawn all day long.

 

My husband cannot function very early either, nor ds. DD is an early riser like me, but I try to cater to sleep needs to a degree because it really is important.

[mjpeter]

Someone help me out here, 'cause I don't understand.

 

I'm not being snarky, I promise.

 

When my dss is here, he sets his alarm to wake up for school. (Granted he goes to PS, but I don't see how that's different really in this situation.) I get up as well to get him and dh off for the day. I pop my head in and do a 'Dss, are you up?' but that's it.

 

If we were homeschooling dh and I wanted him to get up at a certain time, we'd do the exact same thing.

 

So OP, I think you might be struggling with more of an obedience issue than a 'how to get teenagers up' issue. If your dh has decided it's important to him that your ds get up by a certain time, well then that's what he does. He sets his alarm and gets up. If he doesn't follow through with that, then there are whatever consequences you use in your house for disobedience. And if he decides to be crabby in the morning because dad says he has to get up at a certain time and he doesn't want to, well then there'd be consequences for that as well. Something that would make ds not want to repeat the cranky morning routine too many more times. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm not being dense, really. But in my house, if dh and I decide that, say, 9am is wake up time for dss, then he gets up at 9am. He doesn't have to like it, but he has to do it. And once he's up, he has to treat people according to the rules of our home.

 

This is pretty much how we deal with it day in and day out. It seems like there are repercussions for him everday based on his attitude. It's such a daily issue with this child who we rarely have problems with that I'm wondering if this is really a larger issue than we have made of it. :confused:

[Night Elf]

I let my teens choose a bedtime and wake time. Because they chose them, they owned them and I don't have to fight them. Dd14 started high school this year so has a time constraint. Ds16 has his alarm set for 11:45am and is out of bed by noon. We aren't morning people so even if he was awake, we wouldn't get anything done. We school in the afternoons and after dinner if we need more time. I guess it would be different if I had something important to do with my time but I really don't. The most important thing is to help my son do his schoolwork each day and I'm available during all wake hours to do just that.

 

Just IMHO, I think asking him to do an extra math lesson was mean. He spent some of his down time doing schoolwork and he wasn't even told to do it. That's initiative and efficiency. He'll probably not do it again though. I wouldn't if I was him. It incurs more work.

[TammyS]

Someone help me out here, 'cause I don't understand.

 

I'm not being snarky, I promise.

 

When my dss is here, he sets his alarm to wake up for school. (Granted he goes to PS, but I don't see how that's different really in this situation.) I get up as well to get him and dh off for the day. I pop my head in and do a 'Dss, are you up?' but that's it.

 

If we were homeschooling dh and I wanted him to get up at a certain time, we'd do the exact same thing.

 

So OP, I think you might be struggling with more of an obedience issue than a 'how to get teenagers up' issue. If your dh has decided it's important to him that your ds get up by a certain time, well then that's what he does. He sets his alarm and gets up. If he doesn't follow through with that, then there are whatever consequences you use in your house for disobedience. And if he decides to be crabby in the morning because dad says he has to get up at a certain time and he doesn't want to, well then there'd be consequences for that as well. Something that would make ds not want to repeat the cranky morning routine too many more times. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm not being dense, really. But in my house, if dh and I decide that, say, 9am is wake up time for dss, then he gets up at 9am. He doesn't have to like it, but he has to do it. And once he's up, he has to treat people according to the rules of our home.

 

:iagree:

 

I would only add to make sure that he's getting enough exercise and enough sleep. My 14 year old gets up at 6 (on his own) and goes to bed at 8, reads, lights out at 9. He is a serious grump if he doesn't get that nine hours. But otherwise, yeah, it's an obedience issue, and I would deal with it accordingly.

[mjpeter]

I'm mean to some posters and too soft for others...I guess that means I'm at a happy medium.:001_smile:

[TammyS]

It seems like there are repercussions for him everday based on his attitude.

 

Unless he's spewing misery around the house, I wouldn't punish him for his attitude. IMO, a kid is allowed to be miserable if they want to. I just require them to keep it to themselves (this is self-inflicted misery, obviously, not things that really deserve attention). I just take a "bummer for you" stance and ignore them.

[mjpeter]

Unless he's spewing misery around the house, I wouldn't punish him for his attitude. IMO, a kid is allowed to be miserable if they want to. I just require them to keep it to themselves (this is self-inflicted misery, obviously, not things that really deserve attention). I just take a "bummer for you" stance and ignore them.

 

 

This is generally my attitude. DH butts heads with him all day long regarding respect, but that's another issue. Gotta love the teenage years.

[justLisa]

I'm mean to some posters and too soft for others...I guess that means I'm at a happy medium.:001_smile:

 

Well I sure hop that's not what you got out of what I posted. I never said you were mean.

[mjpeter]

Well I sure hop that's not what you got out of what I posted. I never said you were mean.

 

 

Not at all...just a joke. :001_smile: This is why I don't post often...it always comes out wrong when I'm not in person.

[justLisa]

Not at all...just a joke. :001_smile: This is why I don't post often...it always comes out wrong when I'm not in person.

 

I wasn't offended by it, just wanted to make sure you didn't think that is what I meant!

[momofkhm]

Well, I don't get my kids up at all. Since we moved to a curriculum without together time many, many years ago, they've been getting up when they want. And when they hit high school, they have to go upstairs at a certain time but they are allowed to stay up as late as they want. My middle tends to kick her sister out of the room they share by 11 and go to sleep then gets up most mornings around 9/9:30. My oldest varies. If she has a 9 o'clock class, she forces herself to go to bed by midnight and sets her alarm for 8. Otherwise she stays up until 1 or 2 and tends to be up by 9.

 

But they get themselves up. We've transitioned away from me waking them up. I'm still the back-up in case the alarm doesn't go off. But I purposely wait 5-10 minutes after the alarm so they need to be responsible.

 

(My youngest is not in high school so still has a bedtime.)

[lauranc]

What do you do with your teenagers who aren't early birds??

 

On the days when my 17 yr old has to be at a class, he sets his alarm and gets up early. So, I know it's possible for him to follow a schedule and set an alarm. I don't sweat it when he sleeps late on the other days. Everything gets done in the end. Wake up time is not a hill I'm willing to die on. :001_smile:

[kristi26]

Wow. Good question. I wish I had the answer, but I still wrestle with this. But I tend to agree with you dh that letting him stay in bed as long as he wants is not the answer.

 

So, I can think of two ways to deal with it:

 

1. Give him a nice incentive to get out of bed, eg. if he likes a home-cooked breakfast of bacon and eggs, start doing that.

 

2. Give him another type of incentive to get out of bed, eg. he has to catch the 7:00 AM bus to a college class or volunteer work etc.

 

You'll notice I'm not suggesting "consequences". That's only because they've never worked with my own son. Hopefully someone else will have better ideas than mine.

 

I like these ideas. :) I would tend to think that a sit-down meeting with DS and DH is in order here. I would talk amongst the three of us about the expectations for the weekdays. I'd likely say something about a time he must be up and a time he must be in bed. I would also not care when he got the work done in his waking hours so long as it was complete. I would also outline the consequences of disobeying the wake-up time. Maybe the three of you can work out an appropriate, doable wake-up time that has everyone happy and on the same page. And whatever you do, present this as a united front with your DH! If your DS sees the tiniest crack he COULD try to take advantage and split you on the issue which will lead to problems.

 

Just my two cents...

[Garga]

I am torn on this issue. I don't have teenagers yet, but I clearly remember being one!

 

#1. If there is a time that he has to get up for a reason, then I agree with the PP about it being an "obedience" issue. Even though the word obedience makes me cringe because it sounds like he's a dog. But if there's a reason to get up and he's fighting it this hard--that's disrespectful.

 

BUT

 

#2. It's been studied time and time again about the sleeping habits of teenagers. They need a LOT of sleep, and their natural rhythms are very different from children and adults. They naturally stay up late and sleep in late. It's normal and physical and not laziness.

 

So...if there is no reason for him to get up early, and you're homeschooling--why not let him sleep in until 11 and do his work late in the day? Once he's out of his teens, his body will get back to a regular rhythm or he'll get a job and have to get up and he'll sort it out for himself.

 

Can you tell me why it's a big deal that he gets up early? Does your DH understand that it's normal at this age for many teenagers? Frankly--what's the big deal? If he's getting his 7 or 8 hours of sleep on a different rotation than everyone else, why is that a problem? I'm not asking out of snark. I'm asking because if we know why it's a big deal in your family, that might better help us know what advice to give. For exmple, is it because you don't trust him on the computer late at night when everyone's asleep? (Just the first thing that popped into my head as a reason to be concerned that a teenager is up alone late at night. Not specifically aimed at your son.)

[Amy in NH]

This is a daily problem with my oldest son. We've tried everything, and it seems like I spend most of my morning dealing with this. I'm almost to the point that I don't care when his work is done (even if it's at midnight) as long as it's completed. Let's just say my husband doesn't agree. ;)

 

We've tried having him go to bed earlier and he claims he can't sleep. If we drag him out of bed he's such a grump that I don't want to deal with him. In the afternoons and evenings he's such a good kid.

 

What do you do with your teenagers who aren't early birds??

 

Mine either can't fall asleep early, or if they take something to get to sleep they wake at ungodly hours after only a short period of sleep. They just naturally sleep better if they fall asleep naturally at a later time than is normal for adults. A trip to the pediatrician confirmed that this is normal for teens. She also mentioned how lucky they are that we live a lifestyle in which we can honor biology instead of forcing a constant state of walking exhaustion.

 

We now let them set their own sleeping and waking times so long as all of the work is getting completed. My teens usually start their schoolwork between 10 and midnight, and get to bed around 2 or 3am. Attitudes toward work have greatly improved since then! And they never gripe anymore if they have to get up early once in a while for a good reason.

[mjpeter]

Mine either can't fall asleep early, or if they take something to get to sleep they wake at ungodly hours after only a short period of sleep. They just naturally sleep better if they fall asleep naturally at a later time than is normal for adults. A trip to the pediatrician confirmed that this is normal for teens. She also mentioned how lucky they are that we live a lifestyle in which we can honor biology instead of forcing a constant state of walking exhaustion.

 

We now let them set their own sleeping and waking times so long as all of the work is getting completed. My teens usually start their schoolwork between 10 and midnight, and get to bed around 2 or 3am. Attitudes toward work have greatly improved since then! And they never gripe anymore if they have to get up early once in a while for a good reason.

 

This is something we may look into. He is mostly independant at this point and I can certainly work on other areas during the afternoon.

[TammyS]

#2. It's been studied time and time again about the sleeping habits of teenagers. They need a LOT of sleep, and their natural rhythms are very different from children and adults. They naturally stay up late and sleep in late. It's normal and physical and not laziness.

 

I do believe that teens need a lot of sleep, but I have to admit to being highly skeptical of the idea that they have different needs in terms of WHEN to get up and go down. Maybe I'm wrong, but this seems like a new idea that would have been unthinkable 50 or more years ago. What did people do when their kids had farm chores, went to school, had apprenticeships, and jobs and the like? I just can't imagine how society would function when a large sector of people operate on substantially different hours.

 

Maybe this is an effect of artificial lighting, video games/media? I dunno. Just doesn't seem likely to me.

[A.J. at J.A.]

:iagree:

 

I would only add to make sure that he's getting enough exercise and enough sleep. My 14 year old gets up at 6 (on his own) and goes to bed at 8, reads, lights out at 9. He is a serious grump if he doesn't get that nine hours. But otherwise, yeah, it's an obedience issue, and I would deal with it accordingly.

 

:iagree:

[A.J. at J.A.]

I do believe that teens need a lot of sleep, but I have to admit to being highly skeptical of the idea that they have different needs in terms of WHEN to get up and go down. Maybe I'm wrong, but this seems like a new idea that would have been unthinkable 50 or more years ago. What did people do when their kids had farm chores, went to school, had apprenticeships, and jobs and the like? I just can't imagine how society would function when a large sector of people operate on substantially different hours.

 

Maybe this is an effect of artificial lighting, video games/media? I dunno. Just doesn't seem likely to me.

 

:iagree:

[myfunnybunch]

In the afternoons and evenings he's such a good kid.

 

What do you do with your teenagers who aren't early birds??

 

Why don't you let him sleep in, then do his work in the afternoons and evenings?

 

If he has to miss activities to get his schoolwork done, he'll either start getting up to do his work or he'll miss the activities. And it completely removes the need for a struggle over waking times.

 

Cat

[curlylocks]

I do believe that teens need a lot of sleep, but I have to admit to being highly skeptical of the idea that they have different needs in terms of WHEN to get up and go down. Maybe I'm wrong, but this seems like a new idea that would have been unthinkable 50 or more years ago. What did people do when their kids had farm chores, went to school, had apprenticeships, and jobs and the like? I just can't imagine how society would function when a large sector of people operate on substantially different hours.

 

Maybe this is an effect of artificial lighting, video games/media? I dunno. Just doesn't seem likely to me.

 

:iagree:

[elegantlion]

We are not morning people. Ds is supposed to get up 9. He's usually up by 9:30 at the latest. WE start school at 10-10:30. It works for us.

 

If he doesn't get up by then, quoting Shakespeare up the stairs will prod him out of bed, singing, me playing bad guitar and making up songs. If he's smiling and laughing when he gets up it's good. I don't usually have to do those things.

 

I am a big believer in proper rest for teens. Ds has always bent toward being a night owl. I consider it a perk of homeschooling that he isn't up when the school bus goes by. I tease him that he could night-time tech support when he grows up. :lol:

[Lady Florida.]

I do believe that teens need a lot of sleep, but I have to admit to being highly skeptical of the idea that they have different needs in terms of WHEN to get up and go down. Maybe I'm wrong, but this seems like a new idea that would have been unthinkable 50 or more years ago. What did people do when their kids had farm chores, went to school, had apprenticeships, and jobs and the like? I just can't imagine how society would function when a large sector of people operate on substantially different hours.

 

Just because we didn't understand something years ago, doesn't mean it didn't exist. Actually though, there are studies on this (a quick google search will show) that go as far back as 1913, so it was at least somewhat understood almost 100 years ago. We just have a much better understanding of it now. What did teens do then? The same thing teens in ps do now; the same thing we did. They deal with it. That doesn't mean it's what's best for them.

 

The bodies of teenagers secrete melatonin at a different time, effectively changing their internal body clocks. To me, one of the perks of homeschooling is being able to do what's best for my child. If that means changing the time he does his school work during these years, so be it. I know that ds can set an alarm and get up early when he needs to because he's done it. It isn't something he has to practice.

 

Maybe this is an effect of artificial lighting, video games/media?

 

I believe this adds to what is already there.

[Lady Florida.]

We are not morning people. Ds is supposed to get up 9. He's usually up by 9:30 at the latest. WE start school at 10-10:30. It works for us.

 

 

I am a big believer in proper rest for teens. Ds has always bent toward being a night owl. I consider it a perk of homeschooling that he isn't up when the school bus goes by.

 

This is about how it is at our house. We either do some work together, or he needs me to answer questions or to be a sounding board. I require those things to be done by 2 pm because I don't want to be dealing with school stuff any later than that. By mid to late afternoon my mind is on dinner prep and winding down. Any work that is completely independent can be done whenever he wants to do it, as long as it's done by the deadline I gave him.

 

I tease him that he could night-time tech support when he grows up. :lol:

 

Oh, finally a career idea for my night owl! :lol:

[In The Great White North]

Maybe this is an effect of artificial lighting, video games/media? I dunno. Just doesn't seem likely to me.

 

FYI

 

http://portables.about.com/od/ebookreasers/a/E-Readers-and-Sleep.htm

 

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/how-to-conduct-a-personal-experiment-yellow-light-exposure-plus-an-announcement/#axzz2AGCvpXD1'>http://www.marksdailyapple.com/how-to-conduct-a-personal-experiment-yellow-light-exposure-plus-an-announcement/#axzz2AGCvpXD1

 

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/how-to-conduct-a-personal-experiment-yellow-light-exposure-plus-an-announcement/#axzz2AGCvpXD1

 

http://news.rpi.edu/update.do?artcenterkey=3074

[Cricket]

I do believe that teens need a lot of sleep, but I have to admit to being highly skeptical of the idea that they have different needs in terms of WHEN to get up and go down. Maybe I'm wrong, but this seems like a new idea that would have been unthinkable 50 or more years ago. What did people do when their kids had farm chores, went to school, had apprenticeships, and jobs and the like? I just can't imagine how society would function when a large sector of people operate on substantially different hours.

 

Maybe this is an effect of artificial lighting, video games/media? I dunno. Just doesn't seem likely to me.

 

:iagree: It's natural and normal to be awake and alert when it is light outside.

 

The dollar store here sells air horns. Just saying. :D

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

Our only time to allow video games is till 8:30 in the morning, get up, play your games, then it's school. No video games in the evening. Works like a charm.

[KungFuPanda]

This is a daily problem with my oldest son. We've tried everything, and it seems like I spend most of my morning dealing with this. I'm almost to the point that I don't care when his work is done (even if it's at midnight) as long as it's completed. Let's just say my husband doesn't agree. ;)

 

We've tried having him go to bed earlier and he claims he can't sleep. If we drag him out of bed he's such a grump that I don't want to deal with him. In the afternoons and evenings he's such a good kid.

 

What do you do with your teenagers who aren't early birds??

 

Full, awesome breakfast that he can only have at 8 a.m.?

[Amy in NH]

What did teens do then? The same thing teens in ps do now; the same thing we did. They deal with it. That doesn't mean it's what's best for them.

.

 

I slept through my classes in public school.

[Amy in NH]

The bodies of teenagers secrete melatonin at a different time, effectively changing their internal body clocks.

.

 

Harvard did the most recent and famous studies. They changed the start time of their classes as a result.

[tyydae]

This is a daily problem with my oldest son. We've tried everything, and it seems like I spend most of my morning dealing with this. I'm almost to the point that I don't care when his work is done (even if it's at midnight) as long as it's completed. Let's just say my husband doesn't agree. ;)

 

We've tried having him go to bed earlier and he claims he can't sleep. If we drag him out of bed he's such a grump that I don't want to deal with him. In the afternoons and evenings he's such a good kid.

 

What do you do with your teenagers who aren't early birds??

 

Throw water on them...*shrugs*

[AndyJoy]

I was one of those teens who could not fall asleep before 11:30 or midnight. My brain seemed to come alive in the evening and not want to shut down then. My mom allowed me to read in bed, work on research papers, or or clean my room after 10:00 pm because she believed me that otherwise I'd be laying in bed for hours unable to sleep. I tried to sleep and was a very obedient teen, but I couldn't beat my body's rhythm. Since I went to brick-and-mortar school I had to be up early, and I remember yawning a lot. I also had trouble eating breakfast before 9:00 am without feeling nauseous (and still do), so I usually skipped breakfast or tried to eat a granola bar between classes which weren't great options. Getting to sleep until 9:00 and starting school at 10:00 would have been perfect!

 

I went to a small college where I had to take 8:00 am classes every semester because some required courses were only offered at that time. I generally went to bed between midnight and 1:00 am, was up at 7:30 am for class, then took a nap at some scheduled free period during the morning or afternoon. I did the bulk of my homework before 5:00 pm, but saved my harder major classes for the evening when I was more alert. This was a good workable solution for me.