Alte Veste Academy Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 This describes every online forum I've ever spent time on. Literally. I left Mothering.com for this reason. I've joined and left several others as well. Anytime I do any online research and wind up on a message board, I leave shaking my head over the way people talk and treat each other. I think this is the nature of online message boards. They are an anonymous, safe space to let loose with things people probably would never express in real life. (Or maybe they would, but then I wouldn't be spending much time around them in real life!) Interesting. This is my first and only forum so my experience is limited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 This describes every online forum I've ever spent time on. Literally. I left Mothering.com for this reason. I've joined and left several others as well. Anytime I do any online research and wind up on a message board, I leave shaking my head over the way people talk and treat each other. I think this is the nature of online message boards. They are an anonymous, safe space to let loose with things people probably would never express in real life. (Or maybe they would, but then I wouldn't be spending much time around them in real life!) Why do people need the drama? I know it happens here but more often than NOT! Thank you moderators! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 In a twisted way, this is sort of humorous. I guess telling people that are easily irritated that it might be better if they were not so easily irritated--is *really* irritating. No offense to anybody here. Really. I did not mean to come across that I was a shining example to follow. Fortunately my dc are not reading this and rolling their eyes as they have seen their share of irritation coming from me at times. I just think people here like other people much more than they think they do. This is evidenced by the amount of board posts hive members make here. This *is* a type of community. :tongue_smilie: Are you irritated because I said I was irritated by your post on people who are easily irritated?!?!:lol::tongue_smilie: How offensive!;) I do like people. In theory. However, my tolerance for stupid has gone way down as I've gotten older. I'm working on it. I'm trying to give more grace to other people, because God knows I need heaping boatloads of grace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Are you irritated because I said I was irritated by your post on people who are easily irritated?!?!:lol::tongue_smilie: How offensive!;) I do like people. In theory. However, my tolerance for stupid has gone way down as I've gotten older. I'm working on it. I'm trying to give more grace to other people, because God knows I need heaping boatloads of grace. Ironically, my tolerance for intolerance has gone way down as I've gotten older. :tongue_smilie::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 In a twisted way, this is sort of humorous. I guess telling people that are easily irritated that it might be better if they were not so easily irritated--is *really* irritating. No offense to anybody here. Really. I did not mean to come across that I was a shining example to follow. Fortunately my dc are not reading this and rolling their eyes as they have seen their share of irritation coming from me at times. I just think people here like other people much more than they think they do. This is evidenced by the amount of board posts hive members make here. This *is* a type of community. :tongue_smilie: :lol: Well, I think most people would be irritated if someone came along and told them what they were doing wrong and how they should do it better. If an unschooler dropped in and told us all that we were venting so much about our kids and HSing because we're too focused on "school" and that we should just relax and enjoy our children and life would be so much better, most of us would be sort of :confused::glare: But I don't think anyone was really saying they hate people in general and wish they would all vanish off the earth. I'm an easily irritated introvert with a social schedule I can barely keep up with. I'm a "draconian" homeschooler with a strong belief in boundaries and expectations for my kids who spends most of my time with very vocal unschoolers who, it seems, have no behavior expectations for their kids at all (but that's a whole other post *sigh*). Do people drive me crazy some days (OK, most days)? Yep, they do. Do I still go out there every day and spend time with them. Yep, I do. Do I love my friends, even as they irritate me and parent/school/live differently than I do? Yep. Do I keep my irritation to myself in general, but sometimes need to let it out and get some commiseration/feedback? I do. Am I short on patience for the growing number of rude/impolite people that seem to be around me? Unfortunately, yes, I am. We are all doing the best we can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Another thing to keep in mind is the sheer volume of people on this forum. At any one time there is probably about 700-900 people reading the general forum (at least when the numbers were still displayed). If you stood in a room of 700 people and had to hear the vents of say half of those people on a regular basis, it could be overwhelming. Even half of those people having a need to vent half the time is still a lot. Even if everyone was allowed one vent a year that's still more than 2 vents a day. I would love to have just one bad really rotten day a year. :lol: Also there are many stages of life here. I'm in my mid 40s, and sometimes I forget not everyone is that old <---not that 40s is old either. Things that annoyed me at 20 are not the things that annoy me now. So once you have the 20s somethings venting about something the 40 somethings dealt with 20 years ago, they share their story. Then you have vents and stories of vents and like it's already been said, it ends up in kilts and cupcakes. Reverse the scenario and there is kilts and cupcakes at the end too. I also try to assume good intent upon the part of the ventee. They may really need to let it out, it may be the straw that broke the camel's back type of annoyance. I'd rather they post here and let it loose than take it out on their kids or spouse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Isn't it better to be able to vent here and then go back into the real world with a better attitude? :iagree: This is what I do. Honestly, IRL, I have no one to vent to. I try not to in front of my kids, but sometimes things gnaw at me. Like people smoking at kids' events. :glare: I don't have anyone to talk to about that with, and it's nice to not feel like the only crazy person annoyed at things like that. Sme of us are woefully lacking in adult interaction, so it's nice to just whine to other moms sometimes. :). And for me, it's not realistic for me to love everyone or want my kids to love everyone. There are a lot of bad apples out there. I was bullied horribly in school. It's only human to get annoyed, we're not all saints!!! I think whining can be annoying when it's excessive, but a certain amount is totally normal. I'm pretty laid back, but I have ppa which means I need to vent sometimes instead of bottling it up. We all deal with stress in different ways. My dh is the person who works it up right away and has a short fuse. I'm the slow simmering kind of person. I'm learning to let it out more often so I don't implode. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 (edited) Interesting. This is my first and only forum so my experience is limited. OMW. Don't leave here then! This is a comparatively safe space. I spent 4-5 years on the Mothering boards, but as those forums evolved toward a more radical unschooling/unparenting bent and I evolved in the opposite direction, I left and ended up here. A few years ago, I tried to leave here because there was too much going on here that was bothering me. I thought I'd go back to MDC because I wanted to get back toward a "kinder, gentler," mindset. I ended up back here in a VERY big hurry. They are just as snarky and irritable and opinionated as we are! The mods here are also much more attentive than on most other boards. I really do think that what some people see as overwhelming irritation and nitpickiness and venting/ranting really is just the nature of interaction on the Internet. All the stuff they're holding in in real life comes out more here, just because it can. As Perry said, if you had a friend who called you all the time to kvetch and agonize, you'd stop taking their calls pretty quickly. But if you could throw your annoyance out into empty space, and a few of the hundreds of people there stopped to try to soothe or help you because they actually wanted to, it might help you quite a lot. It might even help them not feel so alone. And everyone else could just ignore you. It works better for everyone, I think. I stopped grumping to DH because I know it stresses him out. He deals with his own annoying people all day long. Sometimes we just need someone to listen to us, I think. Edited October 23, 2012 by Sweet Morning Air Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Another thing to keep in mind is the sheer volume of people on this forum. At any one time there is probably about 700-900 people reading the general forum (at least when the numbers were still displayed). If you stood in a room of 700 people and had to hear the vents of say half of those people on a regular basis, it could be overwhelming. Even half of those people having a need to vent half the time is still a lot. Even if everyone was allowed one vent a year that's still more than 2 vents a day. I would love to have just one bad really rotten day a year. :lol: Also there are many stages of life here. I'm in my mid 40s, and sometimes I forget not everyone is that old <---not that 40s is old either. Things that annoyed me at 20 are not the things that annoy me now. So once you have the 20s somethings venting about something the 40 somethings dealt with 20 years ago, they share their story. Then you have vents and stories of vents and like it's already been said, it ends up in kilts and cupcakes. Reverse the scenario and there is kilts and cupcakes at the end too. I also try to assume good intent upon the part of the ventee. They may really need to let it out, it may be the straw that broke the camel's back type of annoyance. I'd rather they post here and let it loose than take it out on their kids or spouse. So very true on the bolded. I was a b*tchy 20 something, I think. I have mellowed with age. Really stuff that bothered me 5 years ago, doesn't bother me today. It's just not worth getting all wound up about it. I love being in my forties. I am so much more relaxed and tolerant....except the times I'm not :lol:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I don't know what you are talking about. I thought "I" was the only one here. :lol: :lol::lol: At least you know the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 :lol: Well, I think most people would be irritated if someone came along and told them what they were doing wrong and how they should do it better. If an unschooler dropped in and told us all that we were venting so much about our kids and HSing because we're too focused on "school" and that we should just relax and enjoy our children and life would be so much better, most of us would be sort of :confused::glare: But I don't think anyone was really saying they hate people in general and wish they would all vanish off the earth. I'm an easily irritated introvert with a social schedule I can barely keep up with. I'm a "draconian" homeschooler with a strong belief in boundaries and expectations for my kids who spends most of my time with very vocal unschoolers who, it seems, have no behavior expectations for their kids at all (but that's a whole other post *sigh*). Do people drive me crazy some days (OK, most days)? Yep, they do. Do I still go out there every day and spend time with them. Yep, I do. Do I love my friends, even as they irritate me and parent/school/live differently than I do? Yep. Do I keep my irritation to myself in general, but sometimes need to let it out and get some commiseration/feedback? I do. Am I short on patience for the growing number of rude/impolite people that seem to be around me? Unfortunately, yes, I am. We are all doing the best we can. Will you be my friend? :) :lol: I could have written your post, though less eloquently. I also am an immigrant from MDC. That ended up being a train wreck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I do!! And can you imagine my violin instructor tried to tell me it was 24? WHUT?! He was a bit embarrassed when I had to correct him. And he calls himself a fan!? :001_huh::D Poser :glare: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Will you be my friend? :) :lol: I could have written your post, though less eloquently. I also am an immigrant from MDC. That ended up being a train wreck. Of course, my dear :D If only we were closer IRL! Yeah, the whole MDC thing makes me so sad. There's so little traffic there now compared to how it used to be. I used to still visit the Frugality and Natural Home-oriented forums, but even those are too much to take now, and they move SO slowly. It's a huge bummer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Of course, my dear :D If only we were closer IRL! Yeah, the whole MDC thing makes me so sad. There's so little traffic there now compared to how it used to be. I used to still visit the Frugality and Natural Home-oriented forums, but even those are too much to take now, and they move SO slowly. It's a huge bummer. I used to post on MDC years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I used to post on MDC years ago. *sigh* It's funny how we change, isn't it? Now I feel like I want to go surf around over there! But I've already spent WAY too much time online today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Ok, what is MDC?! Mothering.com I don't hug enough trees anymore to belong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Mothering.com I don't hug enough trees anymore to belong. :lol: I still do, but I do vaccinate, and I do expect my children to do as I tell them and for them to accommodate me as I accommodate them, and I do require them to do schoolwork. So... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Hand-slapping posts like this irritate me. Seriously. OP, it's great that you can go out and about and be happy and cheerful. Like another poster said, it takes such a tremendous amount of energy for me to do so, I'm a wreck by the end of the week. That isn't to say that I go around irritated all the time (in general, I'm a positive person), but I do get irritated easily. With me, I hate driving so much, that I'm generally in a bad mood by the time I get to where I'm going just from the stress of the drive and all the stupid idiots on the road I have to deal with in getting from Point A to Point B. I don't care if people ask me why my kids aren't in school. It's not my job to educate people, but I don't mind doing so. Driving, dealing with crowds, being around obnoxious children and parents who won't curb their behavior, people who talk in movie theaters, people who eat (especially loud food from bags) during live performances, my MIL (pretty much anything she does -- her existence irritates me), and people who go over the limit in express lanes irritate the crap out of me, and will continue to do so no matter what I do. Why should I expend more energy trying not to let those things bother me if doing so will exhaust me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Element Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 (I haven't read all of the replies, but I'm assuming some of them are still on topic. ;) ) I love people. I like people so much that when something bizarre happens to me involving another person, I want to tell all the people I like about the bizarre situation/person/event. There is something social and inherently extroverted about venting. In fact, if left unchecked this venting can become gossip, which is also a social thing (and yes, I actually do have a tendency to go in that direction. It's something I'm working on.) I don't think it's a "teaching our kids to hate people" thing. I think, for some individuals, it could be part of a "teaching our kids negativity" thing. I *do* think that some people teach their kids to be overly negative, and I will wholeheartedly agree that this is a problem. I don't, however, think this comes from getting upset by the social situations described in the OP. It's much more complex than just "being or venting about being upset by strangers= teaching antisocial or negative social behavior in our kids." That is simply not true. I suppose it could be part of a larger personality issue, but I don't think I know enough about anyone here to judge them on a public vent or commiseration with such a vent. In fact, I now need to go back and reread the OP because I'm hoping maybe I've just misunderstood the point. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I used to post on MDC years ago. Me too but I could not deal with the constant condemnation of everyone that wasn't a peaceloving hippy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Hand-slapping posts like this irritate me. Seriously. OP, it's great that you can go out and about and be happy and cheerful. Like another poster said, it takes such a tremendous amount of energy for me to do so, I'm a wreck by the end of the week. That isn't to say that I go around irritated all the time (in general, I'm a positive person), but I do get irritated easily. With me, I hate driving so much, that I'm generally in a bad mood by the time I get to where I'm going just from the stress of the drive and all the stupid idiots on the road I have to deal with in getting from Point A to Point B. I don't care if people ask me why my kids aren't in school. It's not my job to educate people, but I don't mind doing so. Driving, dealing with crowds, being around obnoxious children and parents who won't curb their behavior, people who talk in movie theaters, people who eat (especially loud food from bags) during live performances, my MIL (pretty much anything she does -- her existence irritates me), and people who go over the limit in express lanes irritate the crap out of me, and will continue to do so no matter what I do. Why should I expend more energy trying not to let those things bother me if doing so will exhaust me? OK, I am not slapping your hand. I promise. However, the answer to your final question, for me, is that my moods, behavior, and words all affect and instruct my kids. My reactions very often become my children's reactions. My tolerance or intolerance is their example. Just as kids learn from their parents' ability to vent off small frustrations (which can be healthy and liberating), they learn from their parents' inability to let anything and everything get under their skin and their inability let anything go. I have been friends with Negative Nelly and Debbie Downer. Their kids either followed their lead and became constant moaners or got progressively more irritated by the constant bad moods and learned to tune-out Melodramatic Mom. Either way, they weren't really learning healthy skills for coping with frustration and the minor inconveniences of life. Also, you can get into the habit of positivity just as you can get into the habit of negativity. New neural pathways and all that. So, after a while, it isn't so exhausting to go to a positive place instead of a negative one. :D I am not speaking specifically of or to anyone in this thread because I don't know you. I am speaking only of the very, very venty people I have known personally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Me too but I could not deal with the constant condemnation of everyone that wasn't a peaceloving hippy. YUP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I believe in community, really truly believe in it. I have a real issue with treating other people with respect--it's very important to me, the reason why I vote/am actively politically like I am (the whole "we're in this together" idea could probably sum up my views pretty succinctly, without taking this in a political direction), etc. But I don't like to be around people most of the time. Yes, I have close relationships and friendships and I value and enjoy my time with these people. I am polite to everyone, whether I know you or not, unless conditions warrant otherwise (i.e., if you are being hideous to me or someone in my vicinity, I'm probably gonna tell you cut the carp). :tongue_smilie: But I don't "like people" in general. I just don't. I don't get most people, I don't understand the disrespectful behavior I see out and about doing every day things. So I could see myself being ranty about people out in public. But I don't think it makes me unecessarily negative, and I make effort to teach my child to be respectful of others, too. Coincendentally, he LOVES being around people. Wears me out to watch him work a room, but hey, whatever floats his boat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Maybe you could extend that warmth, community, and friendliness beyond politeness to swellmomma instead of telling her that what her kids see in her is unfortunate and not as good what your kids see in you? I don't see much effectiveness in preaching when the object is to prove oneself superior to others and therefore worth emulating. Something about the tone of the original post annoyed me slightly, and I wondered why, since I agree with you that constant venting is negative and useless. I also think it's silly to be bothered all day by petty interactions with complete strangers. So why did the OP annoy me, if I agree with your basic premise? I'm annoyed because the other half of your sermonette is, "Look at me, because I am sweet and pleasant. Try it, you might like it. It will be a nice change for you all." That's annoying. :iagree:Even though my response that I found the post annoying was mostly a joke, I did see some of this in the OP's post along with some assumptions about those of us who find rudeness and inappropriate behavior in public annoying. And, count me among those who want their children to be upset by certain behaviors--it shows they know the difference b/t right & wrong. For the record, no, I actually don't want my children to automatically 'like' people. I want them to be discerning. There are some people I don't want my children to have a thing to do with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I think for the most part when I read a message on here I am not seeing that someone showed irritation at the time but rather vented it here. They have not shown or raised their kids to be easily irritated, they have simply shared with friends after the fact. Big difference FTR I don't like people as a general rule. That is a combination of personality and life lessons, I liked people enough until I was abuot 7, beyond that not so much, by then the rose coloured glasses were off and I knew the bulk of people in my daily interactions were not worth liking or the energy to like or dislike. I prefer to be left alone to mind my own business. Being polite is one thing, but no one has to be more than that. You can be quite polite while being irritated or setting up boundaries from general public Yes, exactly. Now we can't even vent here, we have to keep it pretty for everyone? People need to vent. If you don't like it, you don't have to read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Yes, exactly. Now we can't even vent here, we have to keep it pretty for everyone? People need to vent. If you don't like it, you don't have to read. Sure you can vent. Lots of people like to read those posts. I appreciate it when people label posts with "VENT". I rarely open them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I love venting posts. It gives me a chance to share my holly jollyness and share cupcakes and bacon and sprinkle fairy dust. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I love venting posts. It gives me a chance to share my holly jollyness and share cupcakes and bacon and sprinkle fairy dust. *snort*:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 On a serious note, I don't find it humorous that the elderly, nonwheelchair bound and those with medical issues that may necessitate a quick exit have to climb over aisle sitters. I don't see any alternative though since none of the young spry ones will move to the middle of the row on their own initiative, leaving the aisle seats for those who actually need them. Oh please. Is this really such a big problem? I go to events all the time, I am an aisle sitter, and I see nothing but polite people who are happy to exit their seat to accommodate others who need to get out, particularly the elderly or compromised. You have no idea why someone might need to sit on the end. So what if they look young and spry. Maybe they are a doctor on-call who could need to leave at any second (my husband), someone with irritable bowel who may need to use the bathroom urgently (another family member of mine), someone with panic attacks in closed spaces who wouldn't attend an event if they can't be near an exit (me) or have any number of other unique needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Fabulous way to deal with those venting posts. Don't open them. Problem solved. Don't join the conversation, pass on by and find a polly anna post you will enjoy better. :iagree: But... it isn't always easy to tell if something is just a vent. Sometimes, people post what is really a rant/vent in the guise of a "sincere question." Once you've been here even for a short while, you will get to recognize that there are some posters who vent a lot, or who always post every little irritation or drama in their lives. So, you just avoid opening their posts after a while. I don't, however, think you have to just go for the "pollyanna" posts either. There are a lot of posts on varied subjects any given page refresh. This board moves very fast, which can be irritating sometimes, but at least it isn't always the same old stagnant stuff at the top of the page all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Quite often, I tend to believe there is a vent or ventS underlying the one posted on the board. Not in an overt way, but a *something is bugging me but I'm not sure what it is* kind of way. Did X stranger and X place/event happen to annoy our Hive Member because said Hive member is worried about their child, parents, finances, marriage, job, health, etc. Many times this person might not even be aware of the underlying stress or the root cause, themselves. But, it is there - Stress of some kind, so venting about random strangers TO random strangers help to release a little of that building pressure, even if just for a few moments. I know that for myself, many times in hindsight after I've discovered that something was bothering me (when I wasn't even consciously aware of it), I'd have lots of "Aha!" moments about my recent moods,actions, or thoughts toward others (drivers on the road for example) for seemingly benign events. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Some of us have been just like you but have changed due to all the ugly people we've been burned by. I find it easier to show grace to strangers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Isn't it better to be able to vent here and then go back into the real world with a better attitude? You are singing my tune!!!! I am CERTAIN you and I aren't the only ones to do this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 :iagree: Sometimes we have no one else to vent to, so this is a safe place for support and that's OK if that's what you really need. But sometimes it's a also downer to read all these vents too. Nobody has a stress free life! People who vent here don't do so because they have nobody else to vent to. And again, if those posts irritate anyone, one click will take care of that. :001_smile: I kind of find it funny that someone would post or comment about showing grace, being nice, be the better example, it is sad to see how others are irritated by people, all this while pointing out that sharing in people's posts/feelings bother them.:lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Fabulous way to deal with those venting posts. Don't open them. Problem solved. Don't join the conversation, pass on by and find a polly anna post you will enjoy better. Yes, this is what I'm talking about. I think it would be unfortunate if our kids saw in us that, "we don't like people as a general rule." Warmth, community, friendliness beyond politeness--I hope my kids see that I value these things as I go about my days and weeks. These things are far more meaningful when you regularly act that way in the face of a savage beast who regularly shreds you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Ever heard the phrase "getting on my last nerve?" Each of us has those moments. Those moments get vented here. "I had the best orange juice today, and my son said he loved me" DOESn't get posted as much. Why? To quote Colette: look at what gives you pleasure, but look twice as hard as what gives you pain. It is human nature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I have found this to be true for the most part, in my own life. Not to judge or tell anyone what to do, but for me personally, venting or complaining makes the irritation last longer. Unless I can turn it into a really funny story. Then it helps. Not me. I don't vent much, but it "flushes the toilet" for me. Now then, turning it into a funny story is even better (and I've been told I'm good at that), but every now and then I can't manage it. We had a real operator at work who was finally run off for patient abuse. Those of us who were maltreated by her sometimes trade stories. I call us the Jane Doe Survivor Club. We laugh now, but she used to make people lose sleep, she was so evil. I remember when she was fired, I felt like some drowning rat who'd been plucked out of the experiment tank at the last possible moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Now I'm annoyed again. Quick, someone say something not annoying to me. I also think there is some value in "our" kids seeing "Oh, mom is nice but she isn't ready to hop on the naive train and believe everyone is roses and sunshine." I don't want my kids easily manipulated. There is a such thing as cautiously pleasant. I'm not saying this to be nice, I honestly mean it. I always love your posts! Want to know what annoys me?? Winter. Who the heck wants to see up a kilt in the winter. Everything all shrunken and frozen. No thanks. :lol::lol::lol:I *LOVE* how you say it like it is! But I love winter. Some of the worst people I ever met in my life were sickly Sweet to my face and total mean,ugly backstabbers when I wasn't present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 "Pass the bacon and/or cupcakes vegan options available." You ALMOST have it right. Pass the bacon, cupcakes (vegan and non) and PASS THE CUPCAKE VODKA!!!!:lol::lol::lol: i still haven't tried it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I'm not saying this to be nice, I honestly mean it. I always love your posts! :lol::lol::lol:I *LOVE* how you say it like it is! But I love winter. Some of the worst people I ever met in my life were sickly Sweet to my face and total mean,ugly backstabbers when I wasn't present. You ALMOST have it right. Pass the bacon, cupcakes (vegan and non) and PASS THE CUPCAKE VODKA!!!!:lol::lol::lol: i still haven't tried it. And you are one of the sweetest things ever :D I have jaw pain and just poured a glass of cherry whipped cream vodka. You MUST try it. Just remember it is 35% :tongue_smilie:. It tastes so similar to candy I have to remind myself that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I have not read all the replies. I do strive to be pleasant towards others and keep a pleasant outlook both in front of my kids and when I am alone. With that said, I am an idealist and am easily annoyed by many things. If it is cold as a meat locker at a store, I am annoyed. If it's smoky, or loud, or the clerk is talking about the dance this weekend while she squashes my bread, I'm annoyed. I maintain pleasantness and don't usually show my annoyance unless something egregious happens, but internally, yes I am annoyed. Being able to vent here is therapeutic if only because I'm generally stuffing my many annoyances the rest of the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 And you are one of the sweetest things ever :D I have jaw pain and just poured a glass of cherry whipped cream vodka. You MUST try it. Just remember it is 35% :tongue_smilie:. It tastes so similar to candy I have to remind myself that. CHERRY whipped cream vodka??!!!!:drool5:i hope your jaw feels better! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I'm confused by the amount of energy many on the Hive are expending on their irritation as they go out and about in public. I believe we were created to live in community with others. That starts with family. I also believe that our community can and should be wider than that. While I try to be careful, I'm sure I've annoyed people when I've gone around town. I hope I'm shown grace for those mistakes and try and show grace to others. Sometimes I'm dismayed by the things that people spend lots of energy getting irritated over. One of my main goals for not getting impatient when I'm out with my kids is that I don't want them to see my irritation with lots of (in the big picture of life) small issues. If the checkout girl asks a nosy question or makes a comment about my kids not being in school, who cares? Not my duty to inform or educate. Just be pleasant smile and a vague answer is necessary. Both of us go away feeling pleasant. Question about my family size? Not my duty to inform or educate. Just be pleasant smile and a vague answer is necessary. Both of us go away feeling pleasant. People sitting in the wrong area of the aisle at a public event? Be thankful you're all healthy enough to attend that event with your family. I hope my kids see me being pleasant to strangers we sit next to (not striking up conversations necessarily, but being polite), store employees, neighbors, doctors and nurses, and so on. Most of the time being very pleasant causes others to treat you the same. If it doesn't, it should be a rare exception. I want my kids to like other people. I like other people. That should be a good thing. Ever been around someone easily irritated? Not fun. :iagree: :iagree: As to the bolded, often people who make such gaffes are trying make conversation in their own awkward way. Vague answer or asking them why they ask will do the trick. Generally I find that complaining only begets more complaining. Little ones seem to pick up on it, even when you think you have been secretive about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Ever heard the phrase "getting on my last nerve?" Each of us has those moments. Those moments get vented here. "I had the best orange juice today, and my son said he loved me" DOESn't get posted as much. Why? To quote Colette: look at what gives you pleasure, but look twice as hard as what gives you pain. It is human nature. Ah, Colette. Wasn't she the one who said that a happy idyllic childhood did not prepare a person for adulthood? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Not me. I don't vent much, but it "flushes the toilet" for me. Now then, turning it into a funny story is even better (and I've been told I'm good at that), but every now and then I can't manage it. We had a real operator at work who was finally run off for patient abuse. Those of us who were maltreated by her sometimes trade stories. I call us the Jane Doe Survivor Club. We laugh now, but she used to make people lose sleep, she was so evil. I remember when she was fired, I felt like some drowning rat who'd been plucked out of the experiment tank at the last possible moment. That was the most perfect simile I have ever read. Genius. :thumbup1: I used to work for an attorney like that. He was Evil Incarnate. I have never met such a horrible, crotchety, impossible man. I wouldn't stand for his abuse 2 days now, but what can I say, I was a dumb 20yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I am an extreme introvert, but I don't dislike people at all. I believe for the most part people are good and are doing the best with what they have. There are some real jerks, but I don't give them any power to ruin my day. I just smile and move on, and it's quickly forgotten. Venting has never worked for me; I always end up feeling worse and dirty and guilty. .. :iagree: When vents/rants/sincere questions are posted here or discussed elsewhere, I often ponder how the other side of the story would be received by the listeners. Simply going through that mental exercise has helped me to reduce my irritation and frustration level in life because the situation is usually more complex than labeling a certain interaction rude or offensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 When vents/rants/sincere questions are posted here or discussed elsewhere, I often ponder how the other side of the story would be received by the listeners.. :iagree: I do the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa R. Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 OK, I am not slapping your hand. I promise. However, the answer to your final question, for me, is that my moods, behavior, and words all affect and instruct my kids. My reactions very often become my children's reactions. My tolerance or intolerance is their example. Just as kids learn from their parents' ability to vent off small frustrations (which can be healthy and liberating), they learn from their parents' inability to let anything and everything get under their skin and their inability let anything go. I have been friends with Negative Nelly and Debbie Downer. Their kids either followed their lead and became constant moaners or got progressively more irritated by the constant bad moods and learned to tune-out Melodramatic Mom. Either way, they weren't really learning healthy skills for coping with frustration and the minor inconveniences of life. Also, you can get into the habit of positivity just as you can get into the habit of negativity. New neural pathways and all that. So, after a while, it isn't so exhausting to go to a positive place instead of a negative one. :D I am not speaking specifically of or to anyone in this thread because I don't know you. I am speaking only of the very, very venty people I have known personally. Really, really good post. You said it much better than I could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I admire people who can honestly vent sometimes. I do try and give people the benefit of the doubt, and try and teach my children to do the same. I think most of the time, if we can put ourselves in someone else's shoes, we have more patience and less irritation with their comments and/or actions. But now and then, it would feel really good to vent. I can do that in my head, but that's all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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