Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Say there are two pre-teen boys almost the same age. One wets the bed. Everynight. It is a given and our life is set up to minimize the mess and clean-up as best we can. Understandable no other sibling wants to sleep with him. In a hotel situation where there is one bed for the parents and one bed for the boys....which of the boys gets the bed and which sleeps in a sleeping bag on the floor? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 how many nights are you there? Can they alternate? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icedlatte Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I don't know, but you may want to ask the hotel if they have rollaway beds. DH and I often request one for DD (usually at no charge) when we're hotels. It is a little bit nicer than sleeping on the floor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellydon Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Why isn't wearing a pull-up an option? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Our kids have not wanted to sleep in the same bed for years, due to one sibling that thrashes and kicks. We travel with a comfy air mattress and our own sheets. They fight over who gets the air mattress. We alternate who *has* to sleep in the bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stansclan89 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I don't know, but you may want to ask the hotel if they have rollaway beds. DH and I often request one for DD (usually at no charge) when we're hotels. It is a little bit nicer than sleeping on the floor. :iagree: But when I have looked into it, it is usually a $5 charge. I would think it would be worth it in this case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Why isn't wearing a pull-up an option? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Bed wetter gets the sleeping. It's a lot easier to clean a sleeping bag than a bed and even if the bed is cleaned, the smell lingers. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Good Nights. They're cut for bigger kids. Kids who aren't continent really shouldnt be sleeping on a hotel bed at all without protection. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 Bed wetter gets the sleeping. It's a lot easier to clean a sleeping bag than a bed and even if the bed is cleaned, the smell lingers.:grouphug: I agree with you. What if bed wetter sees his dad 4 days a month and everything like this sends him into tears. As for the cot, yes I am going to ask for one. And I think the bed wetter should be the one to sleep in it. The bedwetter won't wear a pull up (he is 160 pounds) but it wouldn't matter...the non bed wetter will not sleep with him. Nor would I. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 The bedwetter gets the sleeping spot that you can best protect in the hotel. If that means putting a tarp under the sleeping bag, then he sleeps there. If you can better protect the mattress, then he gets the bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 Good Nights. They're cut for bigger kids. Kids who aren't continent really shouldnt be sleeping on a hotel bed at all without protection. He is 160 pounds. They do make adult diapers but he won't wear them.....he cried so hard and was so upset about it dh quit making him wear them. However, we do use the good night pads that stick on top of the sheet as well as another regular pad under the sheet. Things still get wet. Every morning is wash the sheets and blanket. edited to add: the mattress doesn't get wet. Dh has that down to an art form. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 (edited) Because most teens would feel completely ashamed and humiliated to wear a big diaper, even if you call it a pull up or whatever. Necessary or not, that's just the way it is. Also, if they have been spending lots of time working to correct this and repair emotional issues, insisting on a pullup for a trip could set them back months, ruining months of progress. Also, a pull up probably wouldn't make much difference to the bed sharing anyways. Diapers/pullups are notorious for leaking. Or whatever reason they might not want to debate/share. :) Edited September 14, 2012 by Martha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 Oh take a mattress pad! There are disposable ones they make for hospitals//the elderly (so they are definitely big enough with a high enough capacity for you), and of course fabric ones. I just dealt with this at a cabin we rented and I FORGOT the mattress pad....so I used a poncho under a spare blanket. It turned out to be much needed, and worked like a charm :001_smile: The mattress will be protected. But the non bed wetter still doesn't want to sleep with the bed wetter. So who gets the bed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Scarlett, could he have sleep apnea? Late bed wetting (lol! My iPhone just autocorrected bedwetting to Ex-wetting, which I think is hilarious and appropriate) can be a red flag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarlaB Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Buy a mattress pad made for this purpose! We bought this one....http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002DMPFS/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00....it costs $9 and used in conjuction w/ a pull-up, gives up peace of mind when sleeping elsewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 Scarlett, could he have sleep apnea? Late bed wetting (lol! My iPhone just autocorrected bedwetting to Ex-wetting, which I think is hilarious and appropriate) can be a red flag He is under a doctor's care....on his second type of med in a year....He doesn't sleep well, so it could be a factor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 The hotel is not going to wash the bedding daily, that would mean the child who was dry gets the bed. I feel bad for your guy, and hope everything works out as time goes by. The mattress will be protected. But the non bed wetter still doesn't want to sleep with the bed wetter. So who gets the bed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 Buy a mattress pad made for this purpose! We bought this one....http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002DMPFS/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00....it costs $9 and used in conjuction w/ a pull-up, gives up peace of mind when sleeping elsewhere. Yes we have that as well as plenty of protection for the mattress wherever we go. The issue is who gets the bed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 He is 160 pounds. They do make adult diapers but he won't wear them.....he cried so hard and was so upset about it dh quit making him wear them. However, we do use the good night pads that stick on top of the sheet as well as another regular pad under the sheet. Things still get wet. Every morning is wash the sheets and blanket. edited to add: the mattress doesn't get wet. Dh has that down to an art form. Totally get this. I had one who wetted that late, but she was petite, and well, a girl. She also had sleep apnea, so there's that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I am another in the camp of get an air mattress. You can get one fairly cheaply. They are comfortable. They roll up to almost nothing. We always take one with us when we travel. Bedwetter on the airmattress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I'd make every effort to bring disposable pads and such, regardless of bed, cot, or bag. I might even bring really cheap sheets that I would feel comfortable throwing away if I could afford it. I don't know the entire situation, but if he is mentally competent otherwise, I would insist he wash he own sheets and bed. I wouldn't shame him or make it a punishment. Just a matter of fact, wet the bed, clean the bed. Are you saying this is a problem 4 days every month and how would I handle it then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellydon Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Yes we have that as well as plenty of protection for the mattress wherever we go. The issue is who gets the bed? Swap nights. Our kids do not share beds. When we travel we always book a suite. We take two twin air mattresses. One child get the pull out bed, one gets the second regular bed and two on air mattresses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tasia Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 If the bed and the sleeping bag can both be completely protected, I'd treat it the same as if there were two 12 year old boys, with no bedwetting issue and one bed. Rock, paper, scissors for the first night. Alternate after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I wouldn't make them swap or whatever and I would not be letting them chose. I'd be clear from the start with bed wetter that this is the way it is for completely practical and just reasons that are dictating the routine for our situation. The end. I'd be nice, but I would not see any positive purpose to arguing about something that isn't up for negotiation. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 He is under a doctor's care....on his second type of med in a year....He doesn't sleep well, so it could be a factor. Here is a Stanford article about childhood sleep apnea: http://www.state.il.us/dcfs/docs/alone.doc Apnea in children can look very different than in adults. Ours snored, but they don't have to. She was very tiny (apnea can stunt growth or cause excessive weight gain, depending on the child), thrashed herself into highly comucal positions in her sleep, wet the bed, was silly, giddy and hyper ( which I never knew could be a symptom), had seriOus memory issues, was prone to anxiety and depression...her personality was altered for the better once she had surgery and started breathing OXYGEN again, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 my son still wets the bed most nights. We always require the goodnites for travel. It smells and we can't always do laundry when traveling. So in a hotel we would have him wear the goodnites and share a bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I travel with an air mattress for my sn ds. You have the extra issue of visiting noncustodial parent. If you didn't I would say this is part of taking responsibility for yourself. You don't get a bed to share when you wet. If you won't wear a diaper to protect the bed and others then you don't get the bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 If the bed and the sleeping bag can both be completely protected, I'd treat it the same as if there were two 12 year old boys, with no bedwetting issue and one bed. Rock, paper, scissors for the first night. Alternate after that. Non Bed wetter is not going to want to sleep on the bed after bedwetter has been there. No way. Even though nothing gets wet there is just a ick factor attached to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 I wouldn't make them swap or whatever and I would not be letting them chose. I'd be clear from the start with bed wetter that this is the way it is for completely practical and just reasons that are dictating the routine for our situation. The end. I'd be nice, but I would not see any positive purpose to arguing about something that isn't up for negotiation. :grouphug: Thank you Martha. Discussing it with the kids is what I am trying to avoid. When dh gets home I want to discuss with him and have our decision be agreed upon and final. With no nonsense and as you say for practical reasons. I asked ds if he would be ok sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor. He said, 'is my other option sleeping with dsb?' I said yes and he said, 'yeah, sleeping bag is fine.' So I KNOW HE is ok with it....but I'm not. :tongue_smilie: Should I just shut up and let it be this way? Or tell dh how I feel about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Thank you Martha. Discussing it with the kids is what I am trying to avoid. When dh gets home I want to discuss with him and have our decision be agreed upon and final. With no nonsense and as you say for practical reasons. I asked ds if he would be ok sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor. He said, 'is my other option sleeping with dsb?' I said yes and he said, 'yeah, sleeping bag is fine.' So I KNOW HE is ok with it....but I'm not. :tongue_smilie: Should I just shut up and let it be this way? Or tell dh how I feel about it? I think your son made the decision for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 I think your son made the decision for you But, but but......what do I do with this resentment that my kid is sleeping on the floor even though he isn't the bedwetter? :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Thank you Martha. Discussing it with the kids is what I am trying to avoid. When dh gets home I want to discuss with him and have our decision be agreed upon and final. With no nonsense and as you say for practical reasons. I asked ds if he would be ok sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor. He said, 'is my other option sleeping with dsb?' I said yes and he said, 'yeah, sleeping bag is fine.' So I KNOW HE is ok with it....but I'm not. :tongue_smilie: Should I just shut up and let it be this way? Or tell dh how I feel about it? I'm not sure why you'd want to make it a bigger issue than it already is, if your ds said he is fine with the sleeping bag :confused:? It's an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. I wouldn't make it more uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 But, but but......what do I do with this resentment that my kid is sleeping on the floor even though he isn't the bedwetter? :tongue_smilie: Get a cot or an air mattress. Flip a coin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Thank you Martha. Discussing it with the kids is what I am trying to avoid. When dh gets home I want to discuss with him and have our decision be agreed upon and final. With no nonsense and as you say for practical reasons. I asked ds if he would be ok sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor. He said, 'is my other option sleeping with dsb?' I said yes and he said, 'yeah, sleeping bag is fine.' So I KNOW HE is ok with it....but I'm not. :tongue_smilie: Should I just shut up and let it be this way? Or tell dh how I feel about it? I'm sure your DSS will appreciate that the sleeping arrangement is not related to his bedwetting issues. Let them toss a coin. That's the most fair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 But, but but......what do I do with this resentment that my kid is sleeping on the floor even though he isn't the bedwetter? :tongue_smilie: That makes me sad :(. It sounds very us vs. them. :grouphug: Hope you work it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 But, but but......what do I do with this resentment that my kid is sleeping on the floor even though he isn't the bedwetter? :tongue_smilie: Get over it! Makes me very sad for the step son.:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Get over it! Makes me very sad for the step son.:( :iagree::( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Why would you be angry that your son is sleeping on the floor? It's not like the other kid is doing this on purpose???? I have bedwetters, and we stay in hotels. Here is what I would do (and have done). First, the bedwetter in your situation would sleep with his dad. You would sleep with your son. Even if you didn't have a bedwetter, I wouldn't have 12yo step-brothers sleep in the same bed. I can't imagine that would be a comfortable situation for either of them. Secondly, we use a hospital grade pad for the bedwetter, and bring our own blankets. The bedwetter sleeps in a regular bed on top of the pad with his own blanket. In the morning, his bedding and clothes are run through the hotel laundry machines. It's really not a big deal to do laundry at a hotel if you bring quarters and soap with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonkeyMama Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Have you asked your son how he'd feel about sharing a bed if the other kid wasn't a bed wetter? From what I've seen, teenage boys rarely want to share a bed. Sometimes not even with a sibling they've spent all their life with. Believe me, if I were you, I would be so frustrated with the bed-wetting. I just think it might be better if you consider it irrelevant for this situation. Sleeping on the floor is not a big deal when you're young and I think you might be dealing with it irregardless of the bed wetting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 But, but but......what do I do with this resentment that my kid is sleeping on the floor even though he isn't the bedwetter? :tongue_smilie: Then say they can switch the second night. If your son doesn't want to use the remade bed, why would you have resentment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Thank you Martha. Discussing it with the kids is what I am trying to avoid. When dh gets home I want to discuss with him and have our decision be agreed upon and final. With no nonsense and as you say for practical reasons. I asked ds if he would be ok sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor. He said, 'is my other option sleeping with dsb?' I said yes and he said, 'yeah, sleeping bag is fine.' So I KNOW HE is ok with it....but I'm not. :tongue_smilie: Should I just shut up and let it be this way? Or tell dh how I feel about it? There are separate issues here. One. Resentment. If your son is okay, not just door matting to be nice, but truly okay with the sleeping bag/cot/air mattress - then I'd let it go. No point resenting a situation that doesn't exist for your son. Now, if your son feels like he is always being screwed over by the dsb? Then something needs to be adjusted to make things more amicable for everyone. This is one of those things that when things are going okay, is no big deal among siblings. When things are not though, it just adds one more straw to the pile.:grouphug: Two. Which is easier to clean up and who is cleaning it up? If *I* am cleaning, then it's going to be my way. So if I determine the sleeping bag is easier to clean, that is where the bed wetter is going to be. The hotel is NOT going to change the sheets every day and a full size or larger bed a much bigger PITA to clean than a sleeping bag for either of you. Third. This isn't your son, so dh needs to be on board, supportive, and understanding or you are screwed from the start at having this trip not build resentment for multiple family members. I know it's a whole other ball game for step kids. But for a mother of 10, I try to start with the most practical solutions and work from there to weaving relationships. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I'm not sure why sleeping in the same bed would ever be an option in the first place. I would hate that. My 10 year old girls now opt to have one sleep on the floor. They don't sleep well in the same bed. Flip a coin. Tell them to suck it up. Or get a room with a pull out couch or a roll away. IMO, the bedwetting shouldn't even be factor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 That makes me sad :(. It sounds very us vs. them. :grouphug: Hope you work it out. Well, it isn't. It is about a kid who cries about everything and how we all go out of our way to avoid the meltdowns. And how eventually you realize that isn't fair to the other kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Yes we have that as well as plenty of protection for the mattress wherever we go. The issue is who gets the bed? The boys take turns. I'd buy an air mattress for the alternative sleep area instead of the floor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 (edited) But, but but......what do I do with this resentment that my kid is sleeping on the floor even though he isn't the bedwetter? :tongue_smilie: Take a breath and feel thankful that your son is comfortable with the situation. Also, I'd take a cue from the other posters and get him an inflatable bed. I use these: http://www.amazon.com/Intex-Pillow-Airbed-Built--Electric/dp/B000HBILB2/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1347663543&sr=8-5&keywords=inflatable+mattress because we travel a lot and spend our summers away from home. They are inexpensive and comfy and come with a pump. The bedwetter can't help peeing the bed. The whining I'm sure you could all do without, but that's a separate issue. If your son is satisfied and comfortable, that's really all that matters. Edited September 14, 2012 by Barb F. PA in AZ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 ... in your situation would sleep with his dad. You would sleep with your son. Even if you didn't have a bedwetter, I wouldn't have 12yo step-brothers sleep in the same bed. I can't imagine that would be a comfortable situation for either of them. :iagree:with this. Why not just let him sleep with his dad and you sleep with your son? This makes the most sense to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 There are separate issues here. One. Resentment. If your son is okay, not just door matting to be nice, but truly okay with the sleeping bag/cot/air mattress - then I'd let it go. No point resenting a situation that doesn't exist for your son. This is probably where we are....I think son is fine and I shoud just let it go. Now, if your son feels like he is always being screwed over by the dsb? Then something needs to be adjusted to make things more amicable for everyone. This is one of those things that when things are going okay, is no big deal among siblings. When things are not though, it just adds one more straw to the pile.:grouphug: Two. Which is easier to clean up and who is cleaning it up? If *I* am cleaning, then it's going to be my way. So if I determine the sleeping bag is easier to clean, that is where the bed wetter is going to be. The hotel is NOT going to change the sheets every day and a full size or larger bed a much bigger PITA to clean than a sleeping bag for either of you. I don't clean up. Dh takes care of all that--well the two of them do. dss11 is very good to do his own laundry. I only have to remind sometimes. Third. This isn't your son, so dh needs to be on board, supportive, and understanding or you are screwed from the start at having this trip not build resentment for multiple family members. We will talk about it....and I will let him handle it. I know it's a whole other ball game for step kids. But for a mother of 10, I try to start with the most practical solutions and work from there to weaving relationships. :grouphug: I just called and they do have a roll away. 9 more per night. I think if we put dss on the rollaway with a thin blanket on top instead of the big comforter that clean up won't be so difficult. Sheets will have to be changed. They just have to. If it were my kid he would wear an adult diaper and that would be final...but he had such a melt down last time dh isn't making him. I sure don't want to push that idea on this trip with us all in one small hotel room. I don't want these things to turn malignant by stuffing it down all the time. We all go out of our way to help dss keep his dignity....we all really feel for him. But he isn't the king of the world, you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 :iagree:with this. Why not just let him sleep with his dad and you sleep with your son? This makes the most sense to me. I'm really confused. Are you going on a trip with your son, your new husband and his son from his previous marriage? I was thinking you meant your son was going on a trip with his dad and *his* stepson. I feel dense and rather muddled, LOL I think I didn't know there was a step son! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 I'm really confused. Are you going on a trip with your son, your new husband and his son from his previous marriage? I was thinking you meant your son was going on a trip with his dad and *his* stepson. I feel dense and rather muddled, LOL I think I didn't know there was a step son! LOL. Yes, my dh, my son, and his son. And me. My dss11 is the bedwetter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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