Hotel rooms and bedwetters

[Scarlett]

I don't blame him. I'm sure he was tired and felt rejected that he wouldn't be sleeping in the same room as his dad. His dad's new wife and her son were sleeping in the room with his dad, but he was getting placed in a room with his grandparents. I'm sorry, but that just seems wrong. He only gets 4 days/month with his dad and he is sleeping somewhere else on those days?

 

I really, really don't know why the adults in this situation didn't just assume the sons were sleeping with their respective parents. Of course the boys didn't want to sleep together. Of course the son would prefer to sleep in a room with his dad rather than his grandparents.

 

Poor kid.

 

I think it was only because of the uncertainty of it and the late hour. He was fine to sleep in his grandparents room the next night. It was simply a logistical problem....it made much more sense for one of us to sleep in the grandparents room....and it made the most sense for it to be dss11.

 

 

He only gets 4 days/month with his dad and he is sleeping somewhere else on those days?

 

The above sentence makes it sound like he ALWAYS has to sleep somewhere else. It was ONE weekend because we took them to Silver Dollar City.

[Scarlett]

Scarlett, to me it sounds like your dh really didn't want to be the one to make the decision. Is there any reason you couldn't say something like, "I think it would be best if each of us sleeps with our own son on this trip...I'm sure the boys would rather not sleep together. Any objections?" And just leave it at that. It sounds like you are waiting to be told what to do, but that doesn't seem to be what this situation called for.

 

In hindsite, yes I should have done that. For some reason, it did not occur to me that we could each sleep with our own child. :tongue_smilie: But throw in that dh said he would check with his mom about dss11 sleeping in their room, and then that not going smoothly because she got off on the side topic of bedwetting and then we were in the car with the kids for the 3 1/2 hour drive and couldn't talk to each other about it....nor did dh feel he could talk to dss about it with us all in the car because EVEN THOUGH it should not have been about bedwetting that is what everyone tip toes around arrrrgghhh....it was just a mess.

 

It won't happen again though. :) We're good.

[Barb_]

In hindsite, yes I should have done that. For some reason, it did not occur to me that we could each sleep with our own child. :tongue_smilie: But throw in that dh said he would check with his mom about dss11 sleeping in their room, and then that not going smoothly because she got off on the side topic of bedwetting and then we were in the car with the kids for the 3 1/2 hour drive and couldn't talk to each other about it....nor did dh feel he could talk to dss about it with us all in the car because EVEN THOUGH it should not have been about bedwetting that is what everyone tip toes around arrrrgghhh....it was just a mess.

 

It won't happen again though. :) We're good.

 

Yeah, it sounds like the whole thing was weird all around. Live and learn.

[2squared]

I think it was only because of the uncertainty of it and the late hour. He was fine to sleep in his grandparents room the next night. It was simply a logistical problem....it made much more sense for one of us to sleep in the grandparents room....and it made the most sense for it to be dss11.

 

The above sentence makes it sound like he ALWAYS has to sleep somewhere else. It was ONE weekend because we took them to Silver Dollar City.

 

All this makes sense from a non-related adult perspective. Is this what an 11yo would think?

 

Here is how I think a typical 11yo child would feel. First, he would be upset that his parents were divorced and he only spent 4 nights/month with his dad through no fault of his own. Then his dad remarries (which is always stressful on children), and now another 11yo boy is living with his dad. He would be jealous and would worry about being replaced.

 

Then....a vacation. Fun! But he would wish it was just him & his dad. Not as much fun if the others came along, but OK. He would worry about the sleeping arrangements b/c he knows he wets the bed and he definitely doesn't want to sleep with the other boy. He would hope to sleep with his dad.

 

Then....when he got to the hotel room, he would be very disappointed b/c he was displaced to his grandparents room. Apparently there's not enough room for him with his dad. Two beds = 4 sleeping spots. Only 3 people left in the room. He would seriously wonder why there wasn't room for him, and he would feel kicked out. The second night wouldn't be as much of a struggle, because he already knew that he was the one being displaced.

 

Maybe your dss is much more mature than most 11yos. Maybe he didn't and doesn't feel any of those same things. My guess, though, from your descriptions of him, is that he does feel at least some of these things.

[Scarlett]

All this makes sense from a non-related adult perspective. Is this what an 11yo would think?

 

Here is how I think a typical 11yo child would feel. First, he would be upset that his parents were divorced and he only spent 4 nights/month with his dad through no fault of his own. Then his dad remarries (which is always stressful on children), and now another 11yo boy is living with his dad. He would be jealous and would worry about being replaced.

 

Then....a vacation. Fun! But he would wish it was just him & his dad. Not as much fun if the others came along, but OK. He would worry about the sleeping arrangements b/c he knows he wets the bed and he definitely doesn't want to sleep with the other boy. He would hope to sleep with his dad.

 

Then....when he got to the hotel room, he would be very disappointed b/c he was displaced to his grandparents room. Apparently there's not enough room for him with his dad. Two beds = 4 sleeping spots. Only 3 people left in the room. He would seriously wonder why there wasn't room for him, and he would feel kicked out. The second night wouldn't be as much of a struggle, because he already knew that he was the one being displaced.

 

Maybe your dss is much more mature than most 11yos. Maybe he didn't and doesn't feel any of those same things. My guess, though, from your descriptions of him, is that he does feel at least some of these things.

 

I am sure he does feel a lot if not all of those things. Sleeping with his dad is not going to fix all that is wrong in the boy's life. No one can 'fix' screwed up divorced/remarriage blended families....we just have to all do the best we can to get along. Catering to him because he only sees his dad 4 days a month does not fix it...it only creates a whiney entitled child. Dh is working with him as gently as he can to help him learn to manage his emotions.

[Jpoy85]

No one was fighting about bedwetting! Good grief. My dh and I had 5 sharp words between us because I was upset that none of us knew who was sleeping where. That is all. My dh and I don't fight---ever--so a few sharp words WAS the biggest fight we've ever had.

 

OT- but if you never fight, can you be my marriage counselor? ;)

[Scarlett]

OT- but if you never fight, can you be my marriage counselor? ;)

 

We've only been married not quite 2 years....give us time and I am sure we will fight. :) Although we get along so well maybe not. We asked each other before we got married what we thought we would fight about....he said nothing. I said kids.

[Jennifer3141]

Yes, he did wear Depends for a while, but had a melt down about it and dh isn't going to make him wear them. Many on this thread have indicated that it can be very emotionally damaging to make an older kid wear them.

 

 

And that's all well and good at HOME. But as a frequent traveler, I'm kind of grossed out that the property of the HOTEL isn't being looked after more carefully. I'd simply tell the kid, "Hey kid, this is no big deal to me and I don't care what happens to our furniture at home but this bed doesn't belong to us and other people are going to come along tomorrow and sleep in this bed. So for tonight, you have to wear this thing to protect everyone else."

 

Pee on your own bed. Heck, have your cats use it as a litterbox. It's yours! But when you're in someone else's property, have a little respect.

[Guest submarines]

And that's all well and good at HOME. But as a frequent traveler, I'm kind of grossed out that the property of the HOTEL isn't being looked after more carefully. I'd simply tell the kid, "Hey kid, this is no big deal to me and I don't care what happens to our furniture at home but this bed doesn't belong to us and other people are going to come along tomorrow and sleep in this bed. So for tonight, you have to wear this thing to protect everyone else."

 

Pee on your own bed. Heck, have your cats use it as a litterbox. It's yours! But when you're in someone else's property, have a little respect.

 

But didn't Scarlet say that the bed is completely protected? :confused:

[Scarlett]

But didn't Scarlet say that the bed is completely protected? :confused:

 

Yes it is.

 

I don't want our beds at home peed on either!

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I agree with you.

 

What if bed wetter sees his dad 4 days a month and everything like this sends him into tears.

 

As for the cot, yes I am going to ask for one. And I think the bed wetter should be the one to sleep in it.

 

The bedwetter won't wear a pull up (he is 160 pounds) but it wouldn't matter...the non bed wetter will not sleep with him. Nor would I.

 

Honestly, I would strongly encourage him to wear some sort of overnight protection such as a pull up. They do make adult size briefs such as depends which is infinitely better than waking up sopping wet every night:(:grouphug:

[8circles]

I am sure he does feel a lot if not all of those things. Sleeping with his dad is not going to fix all that is wrong in the boy's life. No one can 'fix' screwed up divorced/remarriage blended families....we just have to all do the best we can to get along. Catering to him because he only sees his dad 4 days a month does not fix it...it only creates a whiney entitled child. Dh is working with him as gently as he can to help him learn to manage his emotions.

 

I do understand what you're saying. However, I really do think you need to be more compassionate about what's going on with him & not be so afraid that he'll become whiney and entitled. He may be whiney & entitled now. Many children are, without having any "screwed up divorced/remarriage blended families". You can teach him how NOT to be whiney and entitled while still protecting him from even more feelings of rejection like this. I don't think you are lacking compassion or have any ill intentions, I just think you need to change your attitude about it a little. IMO he does still need extra doses of understanding.