DragonFaerie Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 My baby girl wants to go back to public school. She's just started 5th grade, which is middle school here. Ugh! I really, really don't want to let her go, but she really, really does want to go. I'm afraid if I make her stay home, she'll be miserable and resent me for it. But I'm also really concerned about all the negatives of public school (and our small town public schools really aren't all that bad), not to mention the dreaded middle school. I don't know what to do. Thoughts? Suggestions? :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I have a 10 year old. There is no way that my child that age is mature enough to make that decision. I would find out why she wants to go and/or why she is unhappy with homeschool and I would move heaven and earth to provide for what she needs in a home environment. (I'm actually doing this for my dd10 this year. I'm totally revamping our whole approach to fit her learning style and personality. And I'm making time to meet her social needs.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 While I understand giving the child that power, I don't think I could, knowing what a terrible place middle school is. I'm just not strong enough! I think I'd wait until high school, but in explaining, I'd make clear all the things that are up for negotiation or change in homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 While I understand giving the child that power, I don't think I could, knowing what a terrible place middle school is. I'm just not strong enough! I think I'd wait until high school, but in explaining, I'd make clear all the things that are up for negotiation or change in homeschooling. I agree. Middle school + girls = disaster. When I was 10, I wanted my parents to let me go to public school instead of my Catholic school. I wish they hadn't let me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 The reason she wants to go to public school is because she wants to be around kids her own age and have the opportunity to make more friends. She is already in tons of activities (dance company three nights a week, church choir and youth group on Wednesdays, two daytime dance classes, a homeschool band, and even church on Sunday mornings) so I don't really see how I could offer her any more social opportunities. But how would you handle a kid who really wants to be in public school if you kept her at home? She would be miserable and would likely make the rest of us unhappy, too. Not to mention the resentment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I have a 10 year old. There is no way that my child that age is mature enough to make that decision. I would find out why she wants to go and/or why she is unhappy with homeschool and I would move heaven and earth to provide for what she needs in a home environment. (I'm actually doing this for my dd10 this year. I'm totally revamping our whole approach to fit her learning style and personality. And I'm making time to meet her social needs.) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 But how would you handle a kid who really wants to be in public school if you kept her at home? She would be miserable and would likely make the rest of us unhappy, too. Not to mention the resentment. I have no clue. I just know that I see it as a balance. There's the dealing with the anger over not being allowed to go vs. the drama of being in school. Both have big downsides. I think you have to pick which downside you can stand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 She is in a lot of activities but does she have any FRIENDS? There can be a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 She's too young to make that decision. As the parent you have to decide what's best, even if it's not popular with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 She is in a lot of activities but does she have any FRIENDS? There can be a difference. :iagree: Structured activities may not leave time for just hanging out. When my son started demanding to go back to public school in 6th grade I started a middle school homeschool group, just for socializing. He made great friends and no longer complains. Also...does she have any homeschooled friends? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keniki Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 She's too young to make that decision. As the parent you have to decide what's best, even if it's not popular with her. :iagree: And if it causes a bad attitude, the activities she does have CAN be removed too. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entropymama Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I think you deal with it by explaining your decision to her. Maybe if she understood why you don't want her in ps, as opposed to just telling her no, she'd be more understanding. I'd be sympathetic and tell her she could have input into how we do school, but firm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Have you considered letting her begin texting, IM'ing, facebooking -- or whatever is popular among 10-14 year old girls these days? That can help her cover a lot of social bases, strengthening her sense of relationship with her existing friends from structured activities. It could be the 'cool' thing to do, working against her sense of disappointment that you aren't letting her make educational decisions for herself... decisions that would be based on immature wishful thinking that isn't focused on her educational needs anyhow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I have a 10 year old. There is no way that my child that age is mature enough to make that decision. I would find out why she wants to go and/or why she is unhappy with homeschool and I would move heaven and earth to provide for what she needs in a home environment. (I'm actually doing this for my dd10 this year. I'm totally revamping our whole approach to fit her learning style and personality. And I'm making time to meet her social needs.) Right. She is 10. She does not decide this. You do what is best for her at this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I could have written your post and I'm glad to hearths voices of reason in this thread! You're the mama. She'll resent you for lots of things. Just add this to the list. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 The reason she wants to go to public school is because she wants to be around kids her own age and have the opportunity to make more friends. She is already in tons of activities (dance company three nights a week, church choir and youth group on Wednesdays, two daytime dance classes, a homeschool band, and even church on Sunday mornings) so I don't really see how I could offer her any more social opportunities. But how would you handle a kid who really wants to be in public school if you kept her at home? She would be miserable and would likely make the rest of us unhappy, too. Not to mention the resentment. I would start out by pointing out the advantages of home school. For us it is not having to get up at 6 a.m. to make it to school on time, being finished with our school and having the free time 1-3 hrs before any of the ps kids are home, being able to ware comfy clothes instead of in many times uncomfortable ones(for my two it is stay in their pjs until they need to go somewhere or outside). Being able to study what we want in some areas, having a math and la cur. that fits them rather than the multitudes, the list goes on. There was one time that my two were asking 'why' they had to be home schooled and I gave them the advantages. Not heard anything about it since. That has been a couple of years ago. I would pray with her about it, encourage her to pray about it, let her know that she is to young to make that kind of life change call and deal with her attitude if it turns bad. Being a parent is hard many times. It isn't about pleasing our children but doing what really is best for them. God will see you through it.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 She is in a lot of activities but does she have any FRIENDS? There can be a difference. She does have some friends, and one or two that she invites over and/or talks with a lot but none that she sees with any regularity, other than during her activities. Structured activities may not leave time for just hanging out. When my son started demanding to go back to public school in 6th grade I started a middle school homeschool group, just for socializing. He made great friends and no longer complains. Also...does she have any homeschooled friends? No, she doesn't have any homeschooled friends. We live in a very small town, too, so trying to start a homeschool group would be pretty much pointless. She is making casual friends in the homeschool band, but that's 35 minutes away and so not really kids she just go hang out with on a whim. There is a new skating rink not too far away that has begun offering homeschool skate time on Friday afternoons. I had initially ruled it out as too expensive, but maybe I should rethink that. Have you considered letting her begin texting, IM'ing, facebooking -- or whatever is popular among 10-14 year old girls these days? That can help her cover a lot of social bases, strengthening her sense of relationship with her existing friends from structured activities. It could be the 'cool' thing to do, working against her sense of disappointment that you aren't letting her make educational decisions for herself... decisions that would be based on immature wishful thinking that isn't focused on her educational needs anyhow. She already has a cell phone and I to allow texting, but I don't allow FB. She is only 10 after all. ;) I could have written your post and I'm glad to hearths voices of reason in this thread! You're the mama. She'll resent you for lots of things. Just add this to the list. ;) Good point. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 It's a difficult time when we can't make all things better for our children. Neither decision will give you the mother of the year award. You will be saying no to many things the next few years. Decide what you think is best and go with it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 The reason she wants to go to public school is because she wants to be around kids her own age and have the opportunity to make more friends. She is already in tons of activities (dance company three nights a week, church choir and youth group on Wednesdays, two daytime dance classes, a homeschool band, and even church on Sunday mornings) so I don't really see how I could offer her any more social opportunities. But how would you handle a kid who really wants to be in public school if you kept her at home? She would be miserable and would likely make the rest of us unhappy, too. Not to mention the resentment. Handle it the same way you would handle any other decision you don't agree upon. You are providing plenty of social outlets, more than she'd have time for if she was in public school. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 Well, we just had a family meeting and public school is off the table. Yay! She's still a little disappointed but I think we've worked some things out that will make her happier, including freeing up some time and signing up for the Friday skating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Handle it the same way you would handle any other decision you don't agree upon. You are providing plenty of social outlets, more than she'd have time for if she was in public school. :) :iagree: It's the same as anything else. My 10yo resents doing dishes, hanging laundry, and plenty of other things. Sometimes I remind her of the bright sides (clean forks and undies) and all of the fun stuff she has as a family member, and sometimes I just tell my cupcake to suck it up and quit her whining. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Well, we just had a family meeting and public school is off the table. Yay! She's still a little disappointed but I think we've worked some things out that will make her happier, including freeing up some time and signing up for the Friday skating. I think that skate time will REALLY help. She is at the age where they start wanting to "fit in" and "be normal" and if she only knows kids in public school that seems normal. She needs some homeschool friends so that feels normal. She needs to belong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 I think that skate time will REALLY help. She is at the age where they start wanting to "fit in" and "be normal" and if she only knows kids in public school that seems normal. She needs some homeschool friends so that feels normal. She needs to belong. ITA, now we just have to cross our fingers that skate time isn't full of 4 and 5 years olds! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Why I Homeschool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 Why I Homeschool Wonderfully written. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1GirlTwinBoys Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 But how would you handle a kid who really wants to be in public school if you kept her at home? She would be miserable and would likely make the rest of us unhappy, too. Not to mention the resentment. None of my children would be allowed to make me or the rest of us miserable.:001_huh: Seriously, don't give a child that much power. She would lose a lot of the privileges she currently has if she tried. You know what's best for her and she's just not old enough to always understand that. I pray my DD never has to experience middle school and how awful it can be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 The reason she wants to go to public school is because she wants to be around kids her own age and have the opportunity to make more friends. She is already in tons of activities (dance company three nights a week, church choir and youth group on Wednesdays, two daytime dance classes, a homeschool band, and even church on Sunday mornings) so I don't really see how I could offer her any more social opportunities. Well, see, she already has a boatload of social activities. If y'all lived in isolation on a lighthouse keeper's island where she never saw anyone except her own family, I'd be way more sympathetic, but as it is, I'd be more inclined to think that peer group socialization is becoming way too important to her and needs to be curtailed. But how would you handle a kid who really wants to be in public school if you kept her at home? She would be miserable and would likely make the rest of us unhappy, too. Not to mention the resentment. Under these circumstancs (a child who is WAY socialized) I'd tell her to suck it up. In fact, I'd be thinking about ways to cut back. Really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 Under these circumstancs (a child who is WAY socialized) I'd tell her to suck it up. In fact, I'd be thinking about ways to cut back. Really. I agree. She was surprisingly receptive to the idea, too. She agreed to quit the two daytime dance classes in favor of having a bit more downtime as well as time to go roller skating on Fridays instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) I just saw the problem is resolved. Edited September 4, 2012 by jhschool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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