Do you do it all "alone"?

[~Amanda~]

Are you alone in your homeschooling journey? Do you have a local friend? or group? or coop? If not, how do you cope with the vast feeling of... lostness?

 

I sometimes wish I had a local group to get together with; a friend, a group of friends, a coop of people with homeschooled kids. Everything here is christian based; and while I don't have qualms about exposing my kids, I don't appreciate the statement of faiths that require signing, and the feelings of outcast-ness because I don't really fit in. Le sigh.

[Chrysalis Academy]

Yep, all alone. Besides you guys! ;)

 

My IRL friends range from uninterested to actively not wanting to hear about it. The other homeschoolers around here tend to be very unschooly-Waldorfy-crafty types, which I'm . . . not so much. If it weren't for the Hive it would be a very lonely journey. So thanks 'n stuff.

[Ellie]

The first year, I had a neighbor who taught me everything I knew. :) Then we had a fight over something silly, and I was alone for several months--and when I say "alone," I really mean that, because that was 1983. No one had invented support groups yet, certainly not co-ops. Eventually, I was one of the inventors of a support group, lol, but it was still primarily only a monthly park day, with occassional, unscheduled, informal get-togethers during the month. I wouldn't have done a co-op.

 

I have to say that I loved my months of being alone. :)

[Element]

Yep, all alone. Besides you guys! ;)

 

...

 

If it weren't for the Hive it would be a very lonely journey. So thanks 'n stuff.

 

:iagree:

 

My mom is very supportive and my friends are understanding, but I don't really have any homeschooling friends in real life.

 

Thank you, Hive! Even though I don't post a lot, you *are* my support system!

[shernandez]

While I do have a homeschool group, we do not do much with them. I love the moms, but we have one car so getting out can be difficult:( I don't mind doing it alone...my online support groups (mainly this one) help a lot. My kids are involved in sports and groups outside of the home, so I do not worry about socialization. I have just found it easier to go my own way, and post questions I have on boards like this.

[*Lulu*]

We have participated in some very loosely organized groups over the past 6 years with a few toe dips into the more structured groups. My experience with the structured local groups has convinced me that, even if we end up all alone, we are more focused and have better times of learning without them. One of the loosely organized groups is just a once a week social time and has been a constant for us since we started homeschooling. It only works for me though because I am not looking for anything beyond a big playdate for my crew. (Most in the group have a very different approach to homeschooling than our family and already most of the children Punk's age are being enrolled in the local schools.)

 

ETA- The group has changed a lot over the past couple of years. It has lost a great deal of its diversity and is a much smaller group than it once was. I will be suprised if we continue more than another year with the way things are going.

Edited July 23, 2012 by BLA5

[nukeswife]

While I do know some homeschoolers in my area, we don't belong to any groups or regularly get together with anyone. We're just to different from them. Most of the ones I know homeschool for religious reasons and we're atheist, so we don't really fit in to their groups.

 

When I need a pick me up or support I jump on here, this is a great group of folks and because of that I've never felt "alone"

[Spryte]

Another loner here. We are secular fish in a desert of conservative Christian homeschoolers.

 

My friends and family are supportive to a degree, in the sense that they get the medical reasons behind our homeschooling (severe, life threatening allergies that our school district does not handle well), so they view it as a necessary evil, but they don't get that we've moved way beyond homeschooling for those reasons, and would now do it for academic and family reasons.

 

An old college friend is the director of the gifted program at a magnet school, and I actually get the most support from her. She's invaluable as a cheerleader and resource!

 

Other than that... This board is it, for me. Thank you!

[MusicMama]

I was terrified at the idea of doing it alone. I wanted my daughter to have some homeschooling friends to help with the feeling of being alone. I FINALLY found a group on Meetup.com that seems to be perfect. I have been looking for one since we moved to the area 2 years ago. It is loosely organized, and has several activities a month you can RSVP to or not. Living in the South, finding a non-fundamentalist Christian group that doesn't write it's statement of faith to keep Mormons out is tough. I understand that they want their group to all agree to certain tenets of faith, but finding an more open group has been nearly impossible! I nearly cried when we were accepted. My husband thought I was acting like a middle schooler! :tongue_smilie:

[ForeverFamily]

:iagree:

 

My mom is very supportive and my friends are understanding, but I don't really have any homeschooling friends in real life.

 

Thank you, Hive! Even though I don't post a lot, you *are* my support system!

 

This is exactly me as well. My Dh is very supportive, so are my mom and dad. Most of our extended family is pretty supportive. Any other ladies I talk to in our area are intrigued as well as understanding. But I do not know any other homeschoolers in our area. It does get a bit lonely. I wish I had at least 1 or 2 friends that would be willing to talk about curriculum, math manipulatives, etc.:lol:! Like others have said, this forum is my support group. I don't post a whole lot on here, but I am on here a lot :tongue_smilie:(ask my DH). I am very thankful for all of the wonderful help and support I get here. I don't know what I would do without this forum. So Thank you!

[stripe]

Did I mention my kids briefly went to a swim class for hsed kids, and when my husband went, one dad blabbed away to him. When I went, the moms ignored me. Even when I tried to smile and look friendly. It was hilarious.

 

I did try a co op for a day, and finally got to talk to a neighbor who hs her kid. I'd only talked to the kid, never the mom. I wasn't able to go again.

 

I kind of wish I had some real life people to see.

[~Amanda~]

That happens to my husband, too, at anything. We'll go somewhere together, and the minute I walk off to do something, I turn around and he's surrounded by parents talking to him. Moms and dads. Nobody talks to me. (this is mostly extracurr stuff, not hsing stuff)

[stripe]

I've been in several groups and had all kinds of crazy experiences.

 

Maybe they were intimidated by your brilliance. ;)

 

I can't imagine how, as I was sitting on a bench by myself. The closest I got to talking to anyone was when Grandma cut in front of me and my wet daughter to push her grandkid in the shower. No one even said hi! I am not even remotely brilliant.

[justLisa]

I have joined a few different groups and none have worked out. They have not been very welcoming, but rather already set with their current friends. The kids have some really great friends, but I am not necessarily friends with the parents, which is more like their choice but mine. I don't know why. I am a fun girl. :tongue_smilie:

[crazyfordlr]

I have a few friends that I've met through our ISP. One family we've gotten to know pretty well and out kids really like each other. They're part of other hs groups so sometimes I'll tag along. But I'm not super comfortable in those groups b/c I am not a fundamental Christian. Their groups are welcoming but I don't feel comfortable kwim. I have become good friends with another mom from ISP and my girls like her son...he's a goofball! We don't do much b/c she has all boys and they're extremely involved in Scouts. There just isn't enough time.

 

Other than those 2, I've got The Hive and a few moms on another board I belong to. It's enough for now...

[kye022984]

We are starting a small homeschool co-op with only about three other families whom we've been close with since the baby/preschool years. It's a blessing. They are all doing different things but we're all on the same page as far as homeschooling goes. We meet one day a week and, as of right now, that's all we have time for. I've learned that anything over one day a week time from school and other household duties gets taken away from.

[kewb]

Are you alone in your homeschooling journey? Do you have a local friend? or group? or coop? If not, how do you cope with the vast feeling of... lostness?

 

 

In the beginning I was very alone. Now I have a couple of close local friends. With one of my friends we have what we call our non-co-op co-op. We are going on 4 years now of getting together with the same group of kids every Wednesday for Discussion Group and Philosophy. But we are not a co-op.

 

For the most part though I go it alone. Sometimes that is a lonely road and other times I enjoy the solitude.

[Mommyfaithe]

Are you alone in your homeschooling journey? Do you have a local friend? or group? or coop? If not, how do you cope with the vast feeling of... lostness?

 

I sometimes wish I had a local group to get together with; a friend, a group of friends, a coop of people with homeschooled kids. Everything here is christian based; and while I don't have qualms about exposing my kids, I don't appreciate the statement of faiths that require signing, and the feelings of outcast-ness because I don't really fit in. Le sigh.

 

I do it alone....but I have my friends here.

My bff homeschools

My sil homeschools

Both of my sisters homeschool

 

My dh technically homeschools, but does not so any teaching, planning, grading....anything....sigh.

 

I do not really discuss homeschooling with them because it becomes competitive and awkward. I do not belong to co-ops or groups because somehow they always implode.

 

Yes, it is a lonely journey. Mostly I talk homeschooling with my kids....and I talk homeschool, and life in general here.

[Farrar]

Sometimes it's hard to break away and be welcoming when there's already a group. I try, but I know I don't always succeed. I'm very blessed to have a great homeschool community.

 

If I met you, Stripe, I might be intimidated by your brilliance.

[Mommy22alyns]

We did co-op for a few years, but I didn't really feel any huge sense of community from it. The girls are in a homeschool AHG troop, but again, we don't really hang out with anyone outside of AHG. So yeah, I'm pretty much alone except for you guys.

[Aspasia]

Hey, all you secular Virginians, have you looked into these groups?

 

Heathen Homeschoolers

 

VA Homeschool Atheists

 

I know one of the organizers and she is fantastic. Both are fairly active groups.

[hsmom2011]

There's plenty in my area, I just don't really fit in. We pretty much do it alone. :)

[Sahamamama]

Are you alone in your homeschooling journey? Do you have a local friend? or group? or coop? If not, how do you cope with the vast feeling of... lostness?

 

:grouphug: I was ranting about this for an hour to my poor husband this evening. Amanda, I have no idea, except that somehow I need to keep "pushing out there," because there have to be people to connect with somewhere on the planet. Right?

 

But most of the support I've gotten as a homeschool mom has come from HERE. Really, just here. Thanks, Susan, for keeping these boards up and running for years and years.

 

In a way, this forum is a support for us as parents, but it doesn't address the needs of our kids. That is a whole other ball of wax. Someone at VBS this week told the kids, "Invite your friends!" and my 7.5 year old on the way home said, "I would, but I don't have any friends."

 

Sigh. She is right about that. I do wonder, sometimes....

[~Amanda~]

:grouphug: I was ranting about this for an hour to my poor husband this evening. Amanda, I have no idea, except that somehow I need to keep "pushing out there," because there have to be people to connect with somewhere on the planet. Right?

 

But most of the support I've gotten as a homeschool mom has come from HERE. Really, just here. Thanks, Susan, for keeping these boards up and running for years and years.

 

In a way, this forum is a support for us as parents, but it doesn't address the needs of our kids. That is a whole other ball of wax. Someone at VBS this week told the kids, "Invite your friends!" and my 7.5 year old on the way home said, "I would, but I don't have any friends."

 

Sigh. She is right about that. I do wonder, sometimes....

 

Exactly my problem. Part of why I wish I could make myself fit into what is here, since its all there is. but everything is christian based.

[CatholicMom]

You could just convert. ;)

 

I did it alone for a few years. I just joined a Catholic homeschool group last year, thank God. I understand feeling out of place because the biggest local homeschool group is made up of a lot of protestants so that's just about as awkward as being the secular type. I just knew I wouldn't be comfortable.

 

Have you thought about starting up your own group?? Really, you never know who might live 10 minutes away from you and is doing it on their own, too. If you advertise around maybe they will "come out" and you can meet each other. You don't have to dream up anything fancy at first. Advertise it as a "meet up" or "play dates." Just see who's out there. You never know. Maybe you aren't nearly as alone as you think but there's no existing group in your area.

[~Amanda~]

We're not that big a town... I'm pretty sure we're the only non-Christians :rofl:

 

(yeah, I know, not really, but it REALLY feels that way. Just feels like we're in the wrong place entirely)

[Bramble Patch Academy]

I am in a small town with few homeschoolers, and so far I have yet to meet another Secular homeschooling family. The Christian ones are extremelly "clique-ish" and wrongly asssume we are heathens, lol. So really, its just me :-/

[justLisa]

I am in a small town with few homeschoolers, and so far I have yet to meet another Secular homeschooling family. The Christian ones are extremelly "clique-ish" and wrongly asssume we are heathens, lol. So really, its just me :-/

 

You are not the only one with this problem. I find that all of the Christians only want to hang with Christians. I know I have been "accepted" by a few in my life, but they are praying for my soul and I don't need pitty.

[~Amanda~]

You are not the only one with this problem. I find that all of the Christians only want to hang with Christians. I know I have been "accepted" by a few in my life, but they are praying for my soul and I don't need pitty.

 

yes. usually, around here, they'll "take you under their wing" because they are trying to convert you. when they deem you a "lost cause" you realize the friendship wasn't as important to them as it was to you.

 

:glare: sorry. I know I'm generalizing, but I've been burned so many times.

[Laura Cook]

I do it mostly alone. DH is 100% on board but I run the show. Our families are supportive as well. We are secular homeschoolers and as far as I can tell the local groups are decidedly not! I do think it would be nice to be part of a group but I'm not upset that we aren't. I do worry about the kids having friends as they get older but right now they don't seem to have any desire to spend time with other kids. They love playing with other kids when the opportunity comes up but they don't ask to. I think we are just a family of introverts. Or maybe just weird!?

 

ETA: I did want to say that I am so thankful for these forums! I rarely ever post but I have gleaned so much knowledge and wisdom from the members here. I get a ton of support here even though no one "knows" me.

Edited July 24, 2012 by bzymama23

[Vida Winter]

No co-op to speak of here, unless you count once or twice a year. I do know other homeschool families but we are too busy to get together for school things.

[Bramble Patch Academy]

yes. usually, around here, they'll "take you under their wing" because they are trying to convert you. when they deem you a "lost cause" you realize the friendship wasn't as important to them as it was to you.

 

 

:glare: sorry. I know I'm generalizing, but I've been burned so many times.

 

I hear you! I joined a group and was later told, via FB no less, that it was a sin to divorce.

I was then given bible verses about hell. Yeah...i dropped that group like hot potatoes.

[Priscila]

I have one IRL friend who home schools same as me, and her kids are a year ahead of mine so I love all her advice! I am acquainted with two other homeschool moms from a local mommies group that I'm a part of.

[MusicMama]

In a way, this forum is a support for us as parents, but it doesn't address the needs of our kids. That is a whole other ball of wax. Someone at VBS this week told the kids, "Invite your friends!" and my 7.5 year old on the way home said, "I would, but I don't have any friends."

 

:iagree:

 

I've learned so much here! I love the openness of the group. But even my not yet Kindergartener daughter has said that she wants to go to "real school, where all the other kids go. They have recess, eat snacks and get learned." :lol: I was too busy snickering to correct her. But she does need friends! She already feels alone.

[MusicMama]

I was then given bible verses about hell. Yeah...i dropped that group like hot potatoes.

 

Yuck. I have my mom to do that for me though...:sad:

[Bear23]

I do it alone and it's not all that fun. It's only a temporary time and I look forward to being around other homeschoolers. Kids are less bothered by it than I am.

[Mergath]

We're totally alone. Dd is only four, so it hasn't been too big of an issue yet, but I'm guessing it will become more of one as she gets older.

 

There is a co-op here, but they are heavily conservative Christian and have a SoF, and we're liberal Pagans, so... yeah. We're only a couple hours away from Minneapolis though, so when dd gets old enough for this to be an issue, I'll probably look for a group there.

[Mommyfaithe]

yes. usually, around here, they'll "take you under their wing" because they are trying to convert you. when they deem you a "lost cause" you realize the friendship wasn't as important to them as it was to you.

 

:glare: sorry. I know I'm generalizing, but I've been burned so many times.

 

:iagree: I am a Christian, but obviously not the right kind....oh, soooooo burned.

[fourisenough]

I get asked by non-homeschoolers all the time: so you participate in some kind of group, right? I then have to explain that although there are more and more homeschoolers in the world, we haven't come across many (any?) with whom we are a good fit.

 

One semester we joined the only secular co-op in our area and my kids were terrified by the bad behavior of the kids in the group and I was dejected at the apathy I sensed in the class I taught (and amongst the group in general), so we didn't waste any more time there. Last year we joined a Christian group that does not require a statement of faith. My older girls didn't care for it, but my little one LOVED it, so we'll participate again this year. I found the other parents friendly and welcoming, but there was no instant connection. Their acceptance of me/us is based on assuming we're Christian and, sadly, I didn't correct them because I just want a place for my social butterfly to flit around and have fun - and it serves that purpose well.

 

We had two IRL families in our area who home schooled secularly with a WTM focus for the first few years we home schooled. One has relocated and the other has sent their kids to private school, so alas, we're loners again (except for the Hive)!

 

All that said, life is very full and I'm not sure how much more 'connection' we could sneak in. The kids primary relationships are with their swim teammates, so I'm thankful for that. I think the only one who feels lonely or isolated it me! DH and In-Laws are a great supporters, but they're not soul mates when it comes to homeschooling, kwim?

[mama27]

:iagree: I am a Christian, but obviously not the right kind....oh, soooooo burned.

 

 

THIS is us. We are Christians but my 17 yo has a lip ring and belly button ring and purple hair and my 12 yo wears make-up and high heels and I won't even LET my boys tuck in their shirts!

So...no co-op or homeschool group for us!

[trishhoward]

Even though we are not, it still feels like we are. for a long time,all the homeschoolers were 4-8 years a head of me. Their memories and advise was vague. It just felt like my kids were barely old enough to play with their youngest.

 

Now we are in another group that has a ton of kids their age, but the methods are so different that I am talking another language. It is so easy to get discouraged on your method when you are surrounded by so much diversity.

 

As a newbie to classical method, it is a bit lonely. hopefully, you will find some friends that homeschool soon.

[trishhoward]

This makes me laugh. I fit this with my attitude and good laughs at times. I do a ton of churchy stuff, but I do not act like the ones too busy trying to fit in the "sit in the pew" type. I have been chastised and such for my non-conformity. While their knowledge and time in the Word is so limited. You example will teach so many lessons, but it will probably not set in until years later.

[angela in ohio]

I'm alone among many. :D For most of my homeschooling journey, I've had many other homeschoolers around. But I was always alone in the methods I used and our particular struggles. As dc have grown older, and their activities and interests revolve less around homeschooling, I've grown away from other homeschoolers and have more friends who are not now, which is lonely in its own way, too.

 

I cope by relying on dh and by focusing on dc. I suppose I will have tons and tons of time for friendships and finding people with common interests once they are gone, but right now they take all I have.

[Sahamamama]

Exactly my problem. Part of why I wish I could make myself fit into what is here, since its all there is. but everything is christian based.

 

Amanda, I have a GREAT idea! You are an atheist living in TX, we are Christians living in NJ. Let's trade houses. You come to New Jersey, where everyone's an atheist, and we'll move to Texas, where everyone's a Christian! :lol::lol::lol::lol: (I am only kidding, of course).

 

The homeschool laws in both states are similarly non-invasive, too, so that's a plus. :D

[~Amanda~]

Amanda, I have a GREAT idea! You are an atheist living in TX, we are Christians living in NJ. Let's trade houses. You come to New Jersey, where everyone's an atheist, and we'll move to Texas, where everyone's a Christian! :lol::lol::lol::lol: (I am only kidding, of course).

 

The homeschool laws in both states are similarly non-invasive, too, so that's a plus. :D

 

:lol: Only if you get DH a job ;)

 

We aren't atheists, just... not christians lol.

[Sahamamama]

You are not the only one with this problem. I find that all of the Christians only want to hang with Christians. I know I have been "accepted" by a few in my life, but they are praying for my soul and I don't need pity.

 

:lol: Here I am, praying for your soul. This just cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh (and I'm a Christian). Sorry about the unacceptance you have experienced. It's sort of ironic, really, when you consider the teachings and example of Jesus himself.

[Teaching_Three]

I have no local support. I think I could attempt to reach out to groups, but I have a two year old and it is hard to do co-ops with him. When we lived in a different state that required an umbrella school, we got to see so many other homeschoolers and even went bowling once together. That was very nice :001_smile:. I feel really lonely most of the time and come online for tips and support.

I need to do more to find other like minded people.

[Sahamamama]

:lol: Only if you get DH a job ;)

 

We aren't atheists, just... not christians lol.

 

Oh, sorry, I must have confused you with someone else on this thread who is an atheist. Jobs in NJ are making an exodus to somewhere else... India, maybe?

 

Overheard the other day, while washing dishes:

 

Daughter 7.5 -- Oh, rats, this thing broke [toy from VBS].

Daughter 5.5 -- Yeah, mine broke, too. Cheap plastic crap from China! [said with surprising vehemence]

Daughter 7.5 -- Everything's made in China these days!

Daughter 5.5 -- Not our bathing suits. They're made in Cambodia. It says so on the tag.

 

:svengo: I swear, on a stack of various sacred scriptures, that they are NOT quoting their mother. Must be their grandmother. :leaving:

[Sherri in MI]

(((Amanda))), I'm sorry you feel alone. I have always belonged to a support group (Chritian), but sometimes I still feel alone. I have an only child and sometimes, despite the support group, we can still go for days without seeing anyone besides my husband and the librarians.

(We don't have relatives or old friends here since we are transplants).

 

Have you done a google search for local secular groups in your area. I don't know much about the secular homeschool community, but is there a state organization that can tell you about groups in your area?

 

I'm sure you already though of that, I don't know what else to say.

[laughing lioness]

Nope. We have a great co-op, which also runs a great tutoring center. We share the same faith, but hold veddy, veddy different doctrinal beliefs, but everyone is respectful and mostly shares the same high standard for education. It's a sweet, sweet time in our homeschooling journey.