Are teenage boys expected to pay for movie tickets and meals?

[PinkInTheBlue]

My just-turned 16 year old is going (for the first time) to the movies with his girlfriend. Is he expected to pay for her ticket now that it is their first with just the two of them? What about in your area?

[*********]

I certainly hope so! :tongue_smilie:

 

While it's been a while since I've been 16, ;), it was always the case that the boy paid if it was a date.

 

But gee, now that I think about it, I haven't the first clue what kids are doing nowadays in regards to this. Hmmm.

[freeindeed]

I say yes. In my area (small town in Alabama) that would be expected.

[REv1053]

My son has been saving his money to take a girl out to the movies. I doubt she will have him pay, but he wants to be prepared.

He also wants to buy snacks and soda. :lurk5:

[Amber in SJ]

Yes. If he asked her & it is a "date" then he should pay. Not to mention pick her up if he can, open doors for her & pull out chairs for her. That being said my dds always take along costco movie passes, and or enough cash to pay for themselves in case there was any kind of misunderstanding.

 

If my dd asks a guy to the movies ("Hey, do you want to go see the Avengers on Friday?") she brings movie passes for the both of them, but gives them to him and lets him buy the tickets. She says boys are weird about things like that.

 

Because movies are such a popular date activity I know parents who give their sons stacks of movie passes for 16th (dating age at our church) birthday presents, or put them in Christmas stockings.

 

When my Dh was over the mens' group at church I put out a monthly list of interesting things going on in our area that would be fun for "Date Night" to encourage the men to take their wives out on dates. It turns out the list was used by the young single men more than the married men. Some have complained now that I don't do it anymore.

 

Amber in SJ

[NanceXToo]

What you tell him now will set a precedent for the future. If you want to encourage him to be "gentlemanly" he should probably pay for his date. I realize this may really mean YOU paying for his date as a just turned 16 y/o prob isn't working lol. But it's sort of part of teaching him how he should treat a girl he is in a relationship with! :)

[AK_Mom4]

Officially - from my teens - if he asked her, he should be prepared to pay. Opening doors is always nice, too.

 

And DD18 says she always brings her own $$ just in case.

[Jeannie in NJ]

my 16 year old dd has had 2 movie dates (with the same boy). She tried to pay for herself and he said that he was paying. He is same age as dd.

[JFSinIL]

If he pays for the movie, she should pay for the snacks. He can be prepared to pay for them, too - but I have told my dd's to offer to cover the snacks if the boy get s the tickets.

[acablue]

My 15yo stepson says that he should pay for everything unless the girl insists on paying for the snacks.

[Homemaker]

Yes, he should definately pay. I remember going on one date with a guy who made me pay my way and I was a huuugggeee turn off and I took it as rude. I did not accept another date with him. When my children are older our son will pay for his dates and our daughters won't accept dates with guys who aren't gentlemanly enough to pay for them.

[J-rap]

What you tell him now will set a precedent for the future. If you want to encourage him to be "gentlemanly" he should probably pay for his date. I realize this may really mean YOU paying for his date as a just turned 16 y/o prob isn't working lol. But it's sort of part of teaching him how he should treat a girl he is in a relationship with! :)

 

Yes, I think this is true. If you want to encourage gentlemanly behavior in your son, and if he asked her, then I think he should pay. (Or at least offer to pay.)

 

In our town, the above would often happen, but also -- given that a lot of 16-year-olds don't have jobs yet -- the girl might in turn offer to help out (pay for the refreshments, for example). Once the boy and girl know each other better and are more comfortable, they might each pay for themselves so that the burden isn't just on one.

[Crimson Wife]

He should pay for the movie, and she should pay for the snacks. If he asks her out to dinner, he should pay for the main part of the tab but she should get the tip.

 

I would make sure that he is prepared to pay 100% just in case, and a girl should be prepared to cover her portion if she winds up with a cheapskate date.

[TippyCanoe]

.

[swellmomma]

If he pays for the movie, she should pay for the snacks. He can be prepared to pay for them, too - but I have told my dd's to offer to cover the snacks if the boy get s the tickets.

 

:iagree:This is what I have been telling my kids too. ALways have enough $$ to cover yourself but if 1 offers to pay the tickets the other should offer to pay the snacks etc.

 

Mine don't date yet but we have talked about this in terms of outtings with friends etc too. It is not fair imo for 1 party to always shoulder the bill, and in dating that is often the boy.

[TranquilMind]

My just-turned 16 year old is going (for the first time) to the movies with his girlfriend. Is he expected to pay for her ticket now that it is their first with just the two of them? What about in your area?

Yes, if he asked her out on a date. He should pay.

[tntgoodwin]

Why would he not?

[Zebra]

I realize that customs are different in different areas, but just a note from the perspective of someone with a dd: she doesn't yet date -- her choice, she's sixteen -- but when she does I will encourage her to accept ONLY with the explicit agreement beforehand that each pay their own way, as would be the case if she were to go out with a girlfriend.

 

The reasons: first, I remember feeling hugely uncomfortable when a boy paid for dates and we didn't hit it off; I felt that if he still liked me but I didn't like him, I nevertheless "owed" him something, had to put up with being kissed even if I had no desire, because he had paid. No one ever taught me that this was so. I just felt it intensely and I suspect I'm not the only one. Then, too, my dd is not as assertive as would make me feel comfortable about her handling of such a situation. For both of these reasons, I'm going to stress that she pay her own way in order to make it easier for her to resist any kind of physical pressure and to say no to future dates, should she wish to.

 

Money complicates any relationship, and I think many girls would prefer to take that out of the equation when they are just in the very very early stages of getting to know someone.

 

For traditionalists, there are still a lot of possible ways to behave in a gentlemanly manner even if the girl pays her own way.

 

I completely, completely agree with you!!!! You need to keep it simple when you are first dating someone. Also, I don't see it as "gentlemanly" to pay for a date. I find it to be very sexist until you have an established relationship with someone.

 

Your DS really needs to ask his date how she feels about it, and go from there.

[regentrude]

I realize that customs are different in different areas, but just a note from the perspective of someone with a dd: she doesn't yet date -- her choice, she's sixteen -- but when she does I will encourage her to accept ONLY with the explicit agreement beforehand that each pay their own way, as would be the case if she were to go out with a girlfriend.

 

 

:iagree:

 

I am very uncomfortable with the idea of "boy pays" because that creates a situation where the girl "owes".

I will encourage my daughter to pay her own way, because that way she has equal standing in the relationship and is less likely to be pressured into things she is not ready for.

I have known guys who explicitly expected s*x after having paid for x number of dates. No way do I want my DD into such a situation.

A boy can behave in a gentlemanlike way even if they split the bill.

[lynn]

I always thought so but I know that my ds and his girlfriend pay for themselves. I know he does not get enough allowance for his "dates"

[Slartibartfast]

I always thought so but I know that my ds and his girlfriend pay for themselves. I know he does not get enough allowance for his "dates"

 

That was what I was wondering, if the boy doesn't have a job are his parents expected to pay for dates?

[Crimson Wife]

I have known guys who explicitly expected s*x after having paid for x number of dates.

 

Then he's a jerk and she should stop seeing him. A date is not a lady of the evening and should not be treated like one.

 

My now-DH always paid for me when we were dating (I covered tips, snacks, parking, etc.) and I still made him wait. ;)

[Kathryn]

The one who asks for the date pays for the date, male or female.

[PinkInTheBlue]

Ok, well they have been friends for a year and just recently decided to give "dating" a go. He hasn't been allowed to date as just a couple until he just turned 16. He and this young lady and several friends often all go to a movie together. I understand today was a "let's grab a movie" from her and both of them were dropped off as they were before he turned 16. I did give him the speech on being expected to pay for dates conversation on the way there.

 

Now on to my opinion: :)

 

If I could go back to my teenage self and tell her 5 things, one of them would be not to let or expect boys/men pay for your dates. It was so expected 25 years ago and it just wasn't something I really put any thought into. As someone said earlier though it very often made things, at least, mildly uncomfortable. I always felt a bit guilty for how much they were spending. I often felt the pressure to be a "good date". (not referring to anything physical) I just don't see it as a good idea. Teenage boys don't have any more money than teenage girls. He's trying to save up to pay for a third of a car (our deal with him) and I am certainly NOT paying for his dates.

 

I don't think a teenage boy expected to come up with a bare minimum of $20, but likely more like $50, for dates is reasonable and certainly not something measured on the gentleman scale. Now that I'm not a teenage girl and much more practical, I think a young lady should be taught to have the mercy to pay for her half of a date she agrees to attend. Have mercy on the teenage boy trying to save for the other important things in his life just like she likely is.

 

When I was explained this to my son (another moment I didn't realize he didn't know this) he said, "Well, I just won't date. That's not fair and I can't afford it until after college, I suppose."

[Ellie]

That was what I was wondering, if the boy doesn't have a job are his parents expected to pay for dates?

If the boy doesn't have a job, then he should invite the girl to do things that don't cost much, and find a way to earn the money to do them (and things that might cost more).

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Ok, well they have been friends for a year and just recently decided to give "dating" a go. He hasn't been allowed to date as just a couple until he just turned 16. He and this young lady and several friends often all go to a movie together. I understand today was a "let's grab a movie" from her and both of them were dropped off as they were before he turned 16. I did give him the speech on being expected to pay for dates conversation on the way there.

 

Now on to my opinion: :)

 

If I could go back to my teenage self and tell her 5 things, one of them would be not to let or expect boys/men pay for your dates. It was so expected 25 years ago and it just wasn't something I really put any thought into. As someone said earlier though it very often made things, at least, mildly uncomfortable. I always felt a bit guilty for how much they were spending. I often felt the pressure to be a "good date". (not referring to anything physical) I just don't see it as a good idea. Teenage boys don't have any more money than teenage girls. He's trying to save up to pay for a third of a car (our deal with him) and I am certainly NOT paying for his dates.

 

I don't think a teenage boy expected to come up with a bare minimum of $20, but likely more like $50, for dates is reasonable and certainly not something measured on the gentleman scale. Now that I'm not a teenage girl and much more practical, I think a young lady should be taught to have the mercy to pay for her half of a date she agrees to attend. Have mercy on the teenage boy trying to save for the other important things in his life just like she likely is.

 

When I was explained this to my son (another moment I didn't realize he didn't know this) he said, "Well, I just won't date. That's not fair and I can't afford it until after college, I suppose."

 

 

:iagree:

 

DH and I disagreed a bit over this, but he is the type that always wants to pick up the tab when we go out to eat with friends. DH expected for DS1 to pay for the first 2 or 3 dates, and if the relationship continued, then going dutch or alternating was fine. I am also fairly certain he would slip DS1 extra money to help out with those first dates.

DS2 isn't dating yet but has been invited to dances, and in those cases we have worked out with the other parents who is covering what.

[Julie Smith]

I realize that customs are different in different areas, but just a note from the perspective of someone with a dd: she doesn't yet date -- her choice, she's sixteen -- but when she does I will encourage her to accept ONLY with the explicit agreement beforehand that each pay their own way, as would be the case if she were to go out with a girlfriend.

 

The reasons: first, I remember feeling hugely uncomfortable when a boy paid for dates and we didn't hit it off; I felt that if he still liked me but I didn't like him, I nevertheless "owed" him something, had to put up with being kissed even if I had no desire, because he had paid. No one ever taught me that this was so. I just felt it intensely and I suspect I'm not the only one. Then, too, my dd is not as assertive as would make me feel comfortable about her handling of such a situation. For both of these reasons, I'm going to stress that she pay her own way in order to make it easier for her to resist any kind of physical pressure and to say no to future dates, should she wish to.

 

Money complicates any relationship, and I think many girls would prefer to take that out of the equation when they are just in the very very early stages of getting to know someone.

 

For traditionalists, there are still a lot of possible ways to behave in a gentlemanly manner even if the girl pays her own way.

 

I completely, completely agree with you!!!! You need to keep it simple when you are first dating someone. Also, I don't see it as "gentlemanly" to pay for a date. I find it to be very sexist until you have an established relationship with someone.

 

Your DS really needs to ask his date how she feels about it, and go from there.

 

I feel if the couple comfortably talk about how to deal with who pays - and come to an agreement that they both find acceptable, then they shouldn't bother dating.

[PinkInTheBlue]

I feel if the couple comfortably talk about how to deal with who pays - and come to an agreement that they both find acceptable, then they shouldn't bother dating.

 

I don't quite understand what you mean. Could you elaborate? :)

[caitlinsmom]

If he asked her then he should pay but as others have said, she should cover snacks. We always helped with gas cost too so that wasn't an added expense.

 

Honestly though, my very favorite dates were the ones that cost nothing. I once had a guy show up in his parents car with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, coke, and Cheeto's. We hung out at the park, had a picnic, and rode blocks of ice down the hill. The whole date probably cost $3 bucks but it was a blast.

I would often talk the guy out of a movie where we couldn't even get to know each other anyway.

 

Anyway, if your ds wants to date her encourage him to find cheap and fun activities so no one has to foot the bill. :)

 

 

ETA: In my area cheap dates are common and expected. Fun is the name of the game around here so the kids do a lot of goofy things. :)

[Catwoman]

Then he's a jerk and she should stop seeing him. A date is not a lady of the evening and should not be treated like one.

 

My now-DH always paid for me when we were dating (I covered tips, snacks, parking, etc.) and I still made him wait. ;)

 

:iagree:

 

I haven't been out on a date for many, many, many, many years (and yes, I'm old, but let's just lie a little and say I don't look it so I won't feel ancient,) and I never, ever paid for a date. The guy paid. For everything. It never would have occurred to me to offer to pay. And I never thought I was in any way obligated to "pay in another way," either. I never had a guy act as though i owed him some action just because he paid for our dates.

 

I guess I was just lucky, because even when I went out with guys that turned out to be jerks, they weren't physically demanding.

 

Now that I have a ds (still only 12 and hopefully not dating for a long while yet,) I will give him money to pay for his dates until he can afford to pay for them himself, but if it turns out to be common for girls to pitch in a bit when he starts dating, I guess they can decide for themselves how to handle it. I would definitely make sure he had plenty of money with him, though.

[Joyofsixreboot]

My boys do.

[tntgoodwin]

IMHO, a boy should not ask a girl out on a date if he can't pay, due to lack of job or whatever.

 

If one of them expects any kind of physical repayment, then the other breaks up with them. That is a no-go, plain and simple.

[Alicia64]

I realize that customs are different in different areas, but just a note from the perspective of someone with a dd: she doesn't yet date -- her choice, she's sixteen -- but when she does I will encourage her to accept ONLY with the explicit agreement beforehand that each pay their own way, as would be the case if she were to go out with a girlfriend.

 

The reasons: first, I remember feeling hugely uncomfortable when a boy paid for dates and we didn't hit it off; I felt that if he still liked me but I didn't like him, I nevertheless "owed" him something, had to put up with being kissed even if I had no desire, because he had paid. No one ever taught me that this was so. I just felt it intensely and I suspect I'm not the only one. Then, too, my dd is not as assertive as would make me feel comfortable about her handling of such a situation. For both of these reasons, I'm going to stress that she pay her own way in order to make it easier for her to resist any kind of physical pressure and to say no to future dates, should she wish to.

 

Money complicates any relationship, and I think many girls would prefer to take that out of the equation when they are just in the very very early stages of getting to know someone.

 

For traditionalists, there are still a lot of possible ways to behave in a gentlemanly manner even if the girl pays her own way.

 

:iagree: In "the old days" of course boys paid for the girls, but they also married much younger ie. became serious sooner. In our culture we encourage kids to wait to marry until possibly after college, so for me, paying as if the kids are on a full blown date at 16 seems too early.

 

Wow. I sound like such a prude. My 16-year-old self would not even speak to an old fuddy duddy like myself. :glare:

 

She would be like: major eye roll, lady.

 

Alley

[mlbuchina]

I say yes. In my area (small town in Alabama) that would be expected.

 

:iagree: Although, I am not in a small town.

[PeacefulChaos]

If he asked her, yes. She should be polite and offer to pay her way.

 

:iagree:

Maybe further down the road, it will be more evenly split. But DH always paid for me. :D

[PeacefulChaos]

I realize that customs are different in different areas, but just a note from the perspective of someone with a dd: she doesn't yet date -- her choice, she's sixteen -- but when she does I will encourage her to accept ONLY with the explicit agreement beforehand that each pay their own way, as would be the case if she were to go out with a girlfriend.

 

The reasons: first, I remember feeling hugely uncomfortable when a boy paid for dates and we didn't hit it off; I felt that if he still liked me but I didn't like him, I nevertheless "owed" him something, had to put up with being kissed even if I had no desire, because he had paid. No one ever taught me that this was so. I just felt it intensely and I suspect I'm not the only one. Then, too, my dd is not as assertive as would make me feel comfortable about her handling of such a situation. For both of these reasons, I'm going to stress that she pay her own way in order to make it easier for her to resist any kind of physical pressure and to say no to future dates, should she wish to.

 

Money complicates any relationship, and I think many girls would prefer to take that out of the equation when they are just in the very very early stages of getting to know someone.

 

For traditionalists, there are still a lot of possible ways to behave in a gentlemanly manner even if the girl pays her own way.

Hmmmm..... I've honestly never heard this viewpoint. Most girls I've known (as a teenager, or even now) wouldn't consider themselves indebted to someone who paid for a date... Idk, I just think that's silly.

Maybe it's a cultural/regional thing, though.

Then he's a jerk and she should stop seeing him. A date is not a lady of the evening and should not be treated like one.

 

My now-DH always paid for me when we were dating (I covered tips, snacks, parking, etc.) and I still made him wait. ;)

 

:iagree: And I never felt like I owed him anything physical. He never tried, either. A lot of that is our background/beliefs, but I know lots of teenagers/young adults don't care, or lose sight of that in the 'heat of the moment', so to speak.

Honestly, any guy who would expect anything like that would hopefully not be on a date to begin with. And any girl should know better than to think they owe him for being polite.

[FaithManor]

:iagree:

 

I am very uncomfortable with the idea of "boy pays" because that creates a situation where the girl "owes".

I will encourage my daughter to pay her own way, because that way she has equal standing in the relationship and is less likely to be pressured into things she is not ready for.

I have known guys who explicitly expected s*x after having paid for x number of dates. No way do I want my DD into such a situation.

A boy can behave in a gentlemanlike way even if they split the bill.

 

 

Thank you Regentrude for saying what I was thinking!

 

I think it's a bad situation for teens to have expectations for the other person to pay their way. Things just need to remain friendly. Boys can be gentlemen and girls can be ladies without a sense of obligation on either party.

 

I prefer girls to see themselves as independent. I also do not like to see young people who should be saving money for college, for living expenses, practicalities, etc. blowing a lot of money on teenage dating relationships. A movie and snacks for two is easily a $30.00 and that is without the cost of gas for the car. Putting all of the responsibility on the boy is unreasonable.

 

Faith

[Trilliums]

The person who asks should be prepared to pay for tickets and snacks (although I see these as optional) regardless of gender, unless it is agreed upon first that they are each paying their own way. If my son asked a girl to the movies and he needed the money to cover it, I would offer extra jobs for which he could be paid. A person who accepts a date and the asker pays should not feel indebted to their date for ANY kind of repayment in the form of sexual favors. I would make this very clear to my kids.

[regentrude]

It never would have occurred to me to offer to pay.

 

Why?

Why such unequal treatment?

Why should boys have to spend more money than girls?

Shouldn't men and women be paid equally these days?

Makes absolutely no sense to me.

[TippyCanoe]

.

[MIch elle]

Why?

Why such unequal treatment?

Why should boys have to spend more money than girls?

Shouldn't men and women be paid equally these days?

Makes absolutely no sense to me.

 

:iagree: And women want equality?? :confused:

[Melinda in VT]

If he asked her then he should pay but as others have said, she should cover snacks. We always helped with gas cost too so that wasn't an added expense.

 

Honestly though, my very favorite dates were the ones that cost nothing. I once had a guy show up in his parents car with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, coke, and Cheeto's. We hung out at the park, had a picnic, and rode blocks of ice down the hill. The whole date probably cost $3 bucks but it was a blast.

I would often talk the guy out of a movie where we couldn't even get to know each other anyway.

 

Anyway, if your ds wants to date her encourage him to find cheap and fun activities so no one has to foot the bill. :)

 

 

ETA: In my area cheap dates are common and expected. Fun is the name of the game around here so the kids do a lot of goofy things. :)

 

Just out of curiosity, do you live in the Mormon Corridor?

[Ellie]

I feel if the couple comfortably talk about how to deal with who pays - and come to an agreement that they both find acceptable, then they shouldn't bother dating.

If it's a date--i.e., he asked her to go with him specifically--then he pays. If they're going together with several friends, then they're going dutch--everyone pays for himself.

 

If my dd were asked on a date and then they boy began to have a discussion with her about what each would pay, I'd strongly suggest to her that she not go out with him.

[Slartibartfast]

I don't know that I want my kids to have jobs at 16, I would want them involved in activities and to keep up with their studies. IMO those things come first.

 

Why doesn't a girl get a job and help pay?

 

I had a job at 16, I don't think I want my kids to do that. I would like them to focus on more important things.

 

If a girl's parent never gave them money for anything I would get a bit annoyed. Have fun paying for the wedding by yourself since I am paying for all the dates sucker!

Edited May 27, 2012 by Sis

[PinkInTheBlue]

Thank you Regentrude for saying what I was thinking!

 

I think it's a bad situation for teens to have expectations for the other person to pay their way. Things just need to remain friendly. Boys can be gentlemen and girls can be ladies without a sense of obligation on either party.

 

I prefer girls to see themselves as independent. I also do not like to see young people who should be saving money for college, for living expenses, practicalities, etc. blowing a lot of money on teenage dating relationships. A movie and snacks for two is easily a $30.00 and that is without the cost of gas for the car. Putting all of the responsibility on the boy is unreasonable.

 

Faith

 

Why?

Why such unequal treatment?

Why should boys have to spend more money than girls?

Shouldn't men and women be paid equally these days?

Makes absolutely no sense to me.

 

:iagree: Both of these put my thoughts and questions into words better than I did. To me the out-of-date model of boy paying for girl reeks of "little lady doesn't have her own money or ability to make it" inequality we might have seen in the 50's. It's fine to demand equality in the work place and so many other things but we ignore the date-world. I guess it apples when it's convenient.

[Julie Smith]

 

I feel if the couple comfortably talk about how to deal with who pays - and come to an agreement that they both find acceptable, then they shouldn't bother dating.

I don't quite understand what you mean. Could you elaborate? :)

 

I mean that the son of the OP should just talk to the girl and find out her feelings on the subject. And if they have different opinions on this, or can't come to a agreement they are both okay with, then perhaps they shouldn't go out on a date.

 

Sorry about not explaining it better in my original post, and likely not explaining it well enough in this post.

[PeacefulChaos]

I wouldn't call my feelings as a 16-year-old silly. Misguided, yes. Silly, no. I wouldn't put down anyone's emotional reactions to a situation, their FEELINGS, as silly. That isn't fair or kind.

 

The idea that one pays and the other, however intangibly, "owes," does exist whether it would or not in an ideal world, and not only in the world of teenage dating.

 

People-pleasing girls do exist who KNOW perfectly well they don't owe a boy anything but who can feel -- as opposed to thinking -- pressured in the moment. I suppose the next thing someone will say is that a girl susceptible to emotional pressure has no business dating. But I'd like to see anyone who has never once in their lives been prey to subtle emotional pressures related to owing and being owed (not necessarily sexually), teen or adult. Money is a complex and often highly charged factor in adult marriages as well, according to surveys and psychological studies. I'm sure there are people who are more or less impervious, but there are also clearly huge numbers who find it a difficult topic to discuss and deal with even with an intimate partner of long standing.

 

It seems to me merely practical in my dd's case to remove one potential source of such feeling from the scene right away, putting asker and accepter of a date on equal footing. I never said this was the only right way to go about each and every date for each and every person. Nor do I find anyone's feelings about the situation silly. It's a complex issue to deal with, and there will be any number of ways people go about arranging matters to their own comfort and satisfaction.

:001_huh: Hmm...apparently the cultural thing goes on to the way I express myself, too. You don't have to get offended. I wasn't trying to offend anyone. I'm just saying I don't understand the feeling, I never felt that way. And yes, I'm sorry, but I do think that a girl who will be so easily swayed by misguided feelings of owing someone doesn't have any business dating. I'm really not saying that to be offensive. I know that some people are people pleasers. But they really need to learn to have healthy boundaries for themselves first. If a girl feels that she would feel indebted, then by all means she should pay for herself - I wasn't trying to say that was a horrible idea. I think she should do what she needs to do to remove herself from that situation entirely. (Feeling indebted, I mean). She also, though, should work on learning to accept a gift for what it is - and, really, when the guys who girls should be dating are paying for them, they are doing it to do something nice for them. Or at least they should be. And if that isn't the case, well, the girl can ditch him, it isn't hard. He's obviously not worth her time.

:iagree: Both of these put my thoughts and questions into words better than I did. To me the out-of-date model of boy paying for girl reeks of "little lady doesn't have her own money or ability to make it" inequality we might have seen in the 50's. It's fine to demand equality in the work place and so many other things but we ignore the date-world. I guess it apples when it's convenient.

I don't feel that way about it. I think it is polite. I don't think it is impolite for the girl to refuse, or to pay for herself, or whatever. But I do think that the standard of 'whoever asks, pays' makes sense. I also, like I said before, see nothing wrong with them splitting the ticket, especially once they are past the initial dating stage.

I have no problem with the girl paying for all of it, even... heck, DH and my first date, I was supposed to pay (it was a blind date/group set up type thing, where the girls all paid) and I did pay for much of it, but I thought it was very nice of him when, at the end of the date when we were eating, he offered to pay for the meal.

I also think that it's important to remember that boys are not the bad guys here. :) (Not saying the girls are, just saying.)

I mean that the son of the OP should just talk to the girl and find out her feelings on the subject. And if they have different opinions on this, or can't come to a agreement they are both okay with, then perhaps they shouldn't go out on a date.

 

Sorry about not explaining it better in my original post, and likely not explaining it well enough in this post.

I think this makes sense, also. :)

[besroma]

If it's a date--i.e., he asked her to go with him specifically--then he pays. If they're going together with several friends, then they're going dutch--everyone pays for himself.

 

If my dd were asked on a date and then they boy began to have a discussion with her about what each would pay, I'd strongly suggest to her that she not go out with him.

 

:iagree:

[PinkInTheBlue]

I mean that the son of the OP should just talk to the girl and find out her feelings on the subject. And if they have different opinions on this, or can't come to a agreement they are both okay with, then perhaps they shouldn't go out on a date.

 

Sorry about not explaining it better in my original post, and likely not explaining it well enough in this post.

 

That makes absolute sense. Thank you. I wanted to understand what you were saying. Thanks for taking the time. :) I'm the OP and I completely agree with you, as well.

 

They've been buddies for a while so this "date" wasn't much of an official real date other than it was the first time they were dropped at a movie and only the two of them were watching it. It did make me wonder if, maybe, the times had changed any.

 

Matter fact, after he came home from the movie I basically gave him the advice you just said. I said to be honest about both of their financial situations and talk about date expenses before they begin. If she wants to be paid for and go out on costly dates it would be best for both of them to understand, up front, that they might not want to date. However, if they want to work out various other options (dutch, inexpensive and creative things to do,...) then go for it. I reminded him what an advantage they both have with beginning as really good friends. They already have good lines of comfortable communication.

[Ellie]

I don't know that I want my kids to have jobs at 16, I would want them involved in activities and to keep up with their studies. IMO those things come first.

 

Why doesn't a girl get a job and help pay?

 

I had a job at 16, I don't think I want my kids to do that. I would like them to focus on more important things.

 

If a girl's parent never gave them money for anything I would get a bit annoyed. Have fun paying for the wedding by yourself since I am paying for all the dates sucker!

If they're too young to have jobs, then they're too young to actually "date." And when they're that young (under 18), then of course they should be focusing on their studies. Not sure what you mean by "activities," though, but that's ok. :-)

 

They can do things in groups, visit each other's families, do things that are free (and there are things that are) and so on. This is not dating, and it is a good way to get to know each other in safe environments.