Do you leave your kids home alone for long periods of time on occasion?

[DawnM]

This is pre-supposing they are old enough to stay home alone or that at least one is old enough to babysit.

 

Just curious. I have one friend who leaves them all the time. She works part time and needs to be gone. So, she does it.

 

Another Mom wouldn't dream of it.

 

Curious what others think.

 

I am leaving my kids for about 4 hours today. I rarely do it, but there have now been 3 instances, including today, where I have been gone for 4 or more hours.

 

Dawn

[3browneyedboys4me]

Yes, your kids are certainly old enough to stay home, imo. I have left mine alone. I find that home schooled children are very responsible, but you have to know your kids.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Dd stayed home when i had to take ds to the childrens hospital for diagnostics. She was home all day, but had her cell, and a few neighbors checked on her. She texted me every hour.

 

I only leave both kids if i am staying local (ill go as far as walmart - 3 miles). Not local and ds comes with me.

[TheReader]

So far the longest we've left the boys is about 3.5 hours, due in part to family dynamics (the younger two boys are prone to fighting, and the youngest gets very cranky if he doesn't eat regularly) and in part to where we live (we've moved not too long ago and don't know the neighbors as we did in our old house).

 

If one or both of those factors were different, we'd be comfortable at their ages leaving them for a bit longer.

[mama2cntrykids]

I would say that your oldest is old enough to watch the other two for that long. Of course, it really depends on the child's maturity, not so much age.

 

I've only just started leaving my 11.5 yr. old ds alone sometimes. I think I've left him twice for about three hours and once with his younger siblings (9 and almost 6 yrs. I took the baby with me) for about a half hour.

 

I wouldn't dare leave him for longer than that with his siblings. They fight too much ;P.

 

ALLLL that being said, when my step-son was about 14, we'd leave the younger kids with him for a few hours (2-4 hrs) and he did fine.

[rwjx2khsmj]

Yes, I do leave them home alone occassionally. DD15 & dd13 are both well-trained sitters . Ds10 is now allowed to stay home alone for short periods of time if I'm running errands locally.

[DawnM]

Ok, well, today's plans have changed a bit. Youngest is invited to come, so it will just be 14 year old and 12 year old. They usually do ok together if I set perimeters clearly first.

 

Dawn

[Joanne]

Your children's ages for an occassional 4 hours? Yes.

 

My daycare clients would start leaving their jr. higher's (so they didn't have to pay) at 12 from after school until 5 or 6.

[higginszoo]

Only occasionally, but I do leave them.

 

Once, we left the older two for a 12 hour day. They were sick, we didn't want to infect the family who offered to take the dc, so we sent the younger two with them and left the older two at home. We were only 10-15 minutes away, and though we didn't have a phone, our pastor was there and did have one, so they could call him.

 

Next month, my oldest was going to have to be taken to a camp 6+ hours away ... so, a 13-14 hour round trip for me, minimum. Dh would have had to go into the office for at least a half day, but might have gotten to work from home for the rest. I was fine with leaving dd in charge at home, though I'm much happier that the camp got moved, and is now only an hour and a bit away. (I guess that I'll still be gone for about as long as they would have been left, but without dh having to rearrange his schedule.)

[besroma]

No, we don't do that.

[JenneinCA]

I let my older kids (dd13 and ds11) stay home while I take ds8 to his swimming lessons every week. We are gone about two hours. It hasn't been a problem.

[SailorMom]

Last year in September, my sons were 13 and 14, we left them for 4 days. DH and I went to CA (we live in FL) for his grandmother's funeral.

They did wonderfully. No problems at all, never fought, took care of the house, dogs, pool.

This year we are leaving them for a week.

Many of our friends think we are NUTS.

[Farrar]

At your kids' age, I absolutely will. I don't even think 4 hours is *that* long. I would think a 14 yo, unless there are issues or it's an unusual kid, would be fine with that on a regular basis or even for being left longer. The main thing I would think could be an issue would be sibling stuff.

 

My kids are just 7, so we've started leaving them alone, but for nowhere near that long yet.

[Farrar]

At your kids' age, I absolutely will. I don't even think 4 hours is *that* long. I would think a 14 yo, unless there are issues or it's an unusual kid, would be fine with that on a regular basis or even for being left longer. The main thing I would think could be an issue would be sibling stuff.

 

My kids are just 7, so we've started leaving them alone, but for nowhere near that long yet.

[Wheres Toto]

My oldest started watching my younger two for quick trips at 13 or 14, for longer trips by 15. If they were slightly older (she was 13 when younger dd was born) she could have handled longer than 4 hours at 13 or 14. She stayed home alone all day starting at 12 or 13 if the need was there. At this point she has stayed home alone (no younger siblings to watch) overnight, starting when she had just turned 17. We did allow her to have a friend stay with her as long as the friends parents knew they would be alone.

[LibraryLover]

At that age ? Of course. As long as they get along and the older kid is not on a power trip, or you have one who likes matches.

[AdventureMoms]

Mine are little still, but I do think I would (barring unforseen issues) by that age. I assumed by the title that you meant for days or at least overnight! I started staying home for 3-4 hours alone afterschool at 11 and it wasn't a problem. I did live in a neighborhood where my parents knew and trusted most of the neighbors, and I could call mom anytime at work and go over to a neighbor's house anytime if something happened.

[TheReader]

Last year in September, my sons were 13 and 14, we left them for 4 days. DH and I went to CA (we live in FL) for his grandmother's funeral.

They did wonderfully. No problems at all, never fought, took care of the house, dogs, pool.

This year we are leaving them for a week.

Many of our friends think we are NUTS.

 

Wait, seriously??

 

As in, home alone, no adult in the house at all, for the entire time?

 

Please tell me you're kidding.

 

Or that Next-Door Neighbor John/Jane Doe was on call, or well, something???

 

yea, sorry, I do think that is nuts. I realize it's not any of my business, but...yikes.

[nmoira]

OAt 14 and 15 I spent summers doing full time child care (2-kids in their own home, though we were out more often than in).

 

I leave my 10yo for up to about a half hour, and I've left her home a few times when DH is coming to pick her up for their Monday pub trivia. However, I have him text me when he gets home so I *know* she's OK.

Edited May 24, 2012 by nmoira

[SailorMom]

Wait, seriously??

 

As in, home alone, no adult in the house at all, for the entire time?

 

Please tell me you're kidding.

 

Or that Next-Door Neighbor John/Jane Doe was on call, or well, something???

 

yea, sorry, I do think that is nuts. I realize it's not any of my business, but...yikes.

 

Yes, seriously. Of course we had neighbors on call. Three of them, all right here. We also had friends on call, and drop-ins to check on them.

I can't understand why people think at 13 and 14 yo are not capable of this. For heaven's sake, they used to get married, go to war, run farms, work full time, etc., by this age until recently (in historical time). Just because most people do not prepare their kids for this sort of thing, and it has become normal practice in the US to allow them extended childhoods, does not make it wrong for us to expect mature behavior at this age.

 

ETA - I want to add for consideration: Older DS will be 16 in the fall. He will be leaving for college in two years. On his own. If I don't think he can handle a week now, how could he possible handle a year that soon? I think they need to learn to be independent, and have experience in being independent, before they move out. Having this amount of our trust has made them value it more. Giving this amount of "leash" has made them step up to the bar and live up to our expectations - which are very high.

Edited May 24, 2012 by SailorMom

[Coffeetime]

I would certainly leave them for that period of time by that age. I could see myself doing it regularly. As it is now, I leave my younger ones (because the baby is usually sleeping) with my 8 year old while I pick my older son up from school every day. The school is 1.5 miles away and it takes about 15 minutes. They sit on the couch and watch t.v. until I get back. My older son is almost 11, and I leave him either by himself or with the baby for 1-2 hours while I grocery shop- about 3 miles away. Both of my oldest children are very mature and responsible.

 

 

Last year in September, my sons were 13 and 14, we left them for 4 days. DH and I went to CA (we live in FL) for his grandmother's funeral.

They did wonderfully. No problems at all, never fought, took care of the house, dogs, pool.

This year we are leaving them for a week.

Many of our friends think we are NUTS.

Wait, seriously??

 

As in, home alone, no adult in the house at all, for the entire time?

 

Please tell me you're kidding.

 

Or that Next-Door Neighbor John/Jane Doe was on call, or well, something???

 

yea, sorry, I do think that is nuts. I realize it's not any of my business, but...yikes.

 

I don't know... we were left alone for long periods of time at that age when we were kids. We were mature, responsible kids and certainly capable of handling it.

[SailorMom]

 

I don't know... we were left alone for long periods of time at that age when we were kids. We were mature, responsible kids and certainly capable of handling it.

 

So were DH and I. Frequently. Never and issue.

[Coffeetime]

Yes, seriously. Of course we had neighbors on call. Three of them, all right here. We also had friends on call, and drop-ins to check on them.

I can't understand why people think at 13 and 14 yo are not capable of this. For heaven's sake, they used to get married, go to war, run farms, work full time, etc., by this age until recently (in historical time). Just because most people do not prepare their kids for this sort of thing, and it has become normal practice in the US to allow them extended childhoods, does not make it wrong for us to expect mature behavior at this age.

 

ETA - I want to add for consideration: Older DS will be 16 in the fall. He will be leaving for college in two years. On his own. If I don't think he can handle a week now, how could he possible handle a year that soon? I think they need to learn to be independent, and have experience in being independent, before they move out. Having this amount of our trust has made them value it more. Giving this amount of "leash" has made them step up to the bar and live up to our expectations - which are very high.

 

:iagree: I completely agree with this.

[TheReader]

Yes, seriously. Of course we had neighbors on call. Three of them, all right here. We also had friends on call, and drop-ins to check on them.

I can't understand why people think at 13 and 14 yo are not capable of this. For heaven's sake, they used to get married, go to war, run farms, work full time, etc., by this age until recently (in historical time). Just because most people do not prepare their kids for this sort of thing, and it has become normal practice in the US to allow them extended childhoods, does not make it wrong for us to expect mature behavior at this age.

 

ETA - I want to add for consideration: Older DS will be 16 in the fall. He will be leaving for college in two years. On his own. If I don't think he can handle a week now, how could he possible handle a year that soon? I think they need to learn to be independent, and have experience in being independent, before they move out. Having this amount of our trust has made them value it more. Giving this amount of "leash" has made them step up to the bar and live up to our expectations - which are very high.

 

I guess I'm just looking at it through the lens of my own 14 yr old son, who wouldn't be ready for that level of responsibility yet. And I guess I think that 2.5 years from now to college does make a big difference; there's a LOT of maturing that happens in two years. Also, I don't fully consider a college dorm to be completely unsupervised, although again, I guess I'm looking at it through the lens of my experience which was a small Christian university and likely vastly different from a dorm at a public university.

 

I just think of things like cooking all the meals, and dealing with emergencies or out of the ordinary, or....I don't know. But you're right, I don't know the level of maturity you have expected/taught/raised up in your sons, and if you were comfortable with the situation, then, okay.

 

Sorry, didn't mean to side track the thread or be quite so judgmental, it just took me by surprise.

[SailorMom]

I guess I'm just looking at it through the lens of my own 14 yr old son, who wouldn't be ready for that level of responsibility yet. And I guess I think that 2.5 years from now to college does make a big difference; there's a LOT of maturing that happens in two years. Also, I don't fully consider a college dorm to be completely unsupervised, although again, I guess I'm looking at it through the lens of my experience which was a small Christian university and likely vastly different from a dorm at a public university.

 

I just think of things like cooking all the meals, and dealing with emergencies or out of the ordinary, or....I don't know. But you're right, I don't know the level of maturity you have expected/taught/raised up in your sons, and if you were comfortable with the situation, then, okay.

 

Sorry, didn't mean to side track the thread or be quite so judgmental, it just took me by surprise.

 

Oh - no worries! I wasn't offended. And - I know a LOT of 14 yo boys I would NEVER leave alone :)

But yes - we've already taught them all the life skills that are needed to be just fine. Another reason we're preparing them as much as we are - DH and I are retiring on a sailboat right after they graduate high school. We will most likely be in another country most of the college careers. To top it off, neither want to live in dorms. They plan to rent apartments with friends.

Lastly- I got married 6 months after high school to DS, who graduated the year before me. I guess that changes our perspective as well.

[SailorMom]

:iagree: I completely agree with this.

 

Rare,,,, and very refreshing :) Thank you :)

[Munchkins_mama]

My 10 yo will be staying home alone for about 4 hours today. The littles and I have things to do and she would prefer to stay and get her work done so she can play later. She has a cell phone and knows the safety rules; I feel completely comfortable leaving her.

 

When I have to run to the grocery for a quick trip, I leave all three of them. I'll be gone 30 minutes, max, and feel fine that they know what to do.

[Word Nerd]

I leave my older DD home alone for a short time when my other DD and I run to the library, post office, or corner store (and sometimes she goes to the store for me). We live in a very small town where everything is within walking distance, and I'm never gone long no matter what the errand.

[Danielle1746]

Yes, seriously. Of course we had neighbors on call. Three of them, all right here. We also had friends on call, and drop-ins to check on them.

I can't understand why people think at 13 and 14 yo are not capable of this. For heaven's sake, they used to get married, go to war, run farms, work full time, etc., by this age until recently (in historical time). Just because most people do not prepare their kids for this sort of thing, and it has become normal practice in the US to allow them extended childhoods, does not make it wrong for us to expect mature behavior at this age.

 

ETA - I want to add for consideration: Older DS will be 16 in the fall. He will be leaving for college in two years. On his own. If I don't think he can handle a week now, how could he possible handle a year that soon? I think they need to learn to be independent, and have experience in being independent, before they move out. Having this amount of our trust has made them value it more. Giving this amount of "leash" has made them step up to the bar and live up to our expectations - which are very high.

 

I love this and completely agree as well.

 

But, I probably wouldn't do it, just because I would be terrified of how the STATE would react if something happened. Or even if something didn't happen, but one of the neighbors or friends who knew/found out disagreed with my judgment and reported it. Not to mention what I'd have to deal with from my own mother if she knew about it. Ugh.

[SailorMom]

I love this and completely agree as well.

 

But, I probably wouldn't do it, just because I would be terrified of how the STATE would react if something happened. Or even if something didn't happen, but one of the neighbors or friends who knew/found out disagreed with my judgment and reported it. Not to mention what I'd have to deal with from my own mother if she knew about it. Ugh.

 

It depends on the laws in your area/state. In Florida - it was fine.

Everyone we knew knew about it, thought we were nuts - but never would have reported us. And anyway - it wasn't against the law. If CPS had shown up, they would have seen two very responsible teens, in a clean house, eating pizza. They'd probably laugh at the people who reported it :)

[PollyOR]

Depends on each individual child. It works for my teens but my 10 yo won't be ready for quite some time. If more than one child stays home together I have to take into consideration how well they get along.

 

When my oldest was 17(?) we left her home with all the kids over the weekend. Everyone was okay but there was quite the mess when we returned home. We didn't do that again. ;)

 

Last fall we left our kids for a weekend again. My parents live in the other half of the house so we weren't worried. Apparently someone ran to grandma complaining about being mistreated and my mom got involved. It wasn't pretty when we arrived home. I got an ear full from both my kids AND my mom. :001_huh:

 

A few hours? Yes. Overnight? Not unless it's an emergency.

[Christie_Jarrard]

My kids are still too young to tell, but it seems like I will never be able to trust my oldest :001_smile: he is EXACTLY like Dennis the Menace, trouble just seems to find him. That being said, I would think a four hour stretch every once in a while would be fine with kids of your ages. It really depends on their personal maturity as to if I would do it on a regular basis.

[Word Nerd]

I'm very surprised that anyone would take issue with teens 14 and up being alone for more than 4 hours. I was driving at that age (restricted license, of course) and responsible for taking care of my younger sisters all summer. I also had regular babysitting jobs.

[Tasia]

I'm very surprised that anyone would take issue with teens 14 and up being alone for more than 4 hours.

:iagree:

My 13 and 11 year olds are both fine home alone (or together, or watching the 8 and 9 year olds) for more than four hours. I try not to leave them in charge of my 4 year old for that length of time, but my oldest has done it a few times.

[TheReader]

Oh - no worries! I wasn't offended. And - I know a LOT of 14 yo boys I would NEVER leave alone :)

But yes - we've already taught them all the life skills that are needed to be just fine. Another reason we're preparing them as much as we are - DH and I are retiring on a sailboat right after they graduate high school. We will most likely be in another country most of the college careers. To top it off, neither want to live in dorms. They plan to rent apartments with friends.

Lastly- I got married 6 months after high school to DS, who graduated the year before me. I guess that changes our perspective as well.

 

thanks :)

 

Yes, that does change my perspective on things as well -- sounds like you have worked very hard to prepare your boys for that level of independence early on; I think it's great!

 

Also, I should clarify --- if it were *just* my 14 yr old, I'd trust him alone no problem. I keep factoring in "younger siblings" which in my case means much younger, forgetting that in your case it was 2 teens nearly the same age.

 

So, on second or third thought, I guess you aren't nuts after all ;). The set-up you described doesn't sound nearly as outlandish as what I was imagining in my head....

[SailorMom]

thanks :)

The set-up you described doesn't sound nearly as outlandish as what I was imagining in my head....

 

:lol::lol:

Yes - I can imagine :)

Trust me, I was going through quite a few possibilities of what we might come home to as we got on the airplane to leave the state.... Logically I knew I was being silly - but I'm still a mom after all!

[amy g.]

I never used to leave them. In the almost 18 years since my oldest was born, dh and I had only spent one night away from her.

 

Then I left them for 10 days. They had adults checking on them, and driving them around, but not really staying here or spending the night. They did so well, that I'm already planning my next trip without them.

 

I consider it my reward for so many years of attachment parenting-they are all so capable, responsible and trustworthy. I'm ready to rest on my laurels.

[Tarreymere]

I've had some teens I would only leave at home alone if they were handcuffed to a police officer. I've also had kids that would have been fine alone at home at around age ten, and others who were well past that age who would have a hysterical meltdown if I were gone somewhere longer than fifteen minutes. It really does depend on the kid.

[joannqn]

My kids stay home alone with DD in charge. The longest they've been home alone is 12 hours over 3 days while I was busy cleaning before a move. I was 3 miles away and had a cell phone available.

 

FWIW, other's have commented on how mature DD is, how well she interacts with younger kids, and that they'd trust her to babysit. She helps in the church nursery once a month, and our small group was hinting at her volunteering to help with child care during an upcoming Financial Peace University study.

 

So, yeah, if the child was deemed mature enough at those ages, I'd leave them for four hours.

[DawnM]

Thanks.

 

I wouldn't do it often because the darn kids did NONE of the school work I left for them! :glare::glare::glare:

 

I was gone for 7 hours and not 4, but I felt ok with that since I took my youngest with me.

 

Dawn

[Kathryn]

Obviously, I haven't left my children alone at all yet. But, I can answer for myself as a child. My mom started leaving me alone when I was sick and couldn't go to school around fourth grade (age 9). I started riding the bus and being by myself at home for 4-8 hours before she got home in sixth grade (age 11). When I was 14, I'd stay by myself while she was gone for 2-7 days at a time at least once a month. I was a pretty reliable kid though.

[angela in ohio]

Now that my oldest is 16, I have no problem leaving them for the day if needed. It's really no different than if I was here; sometimes they even get more done without me :D. We never leave them overnight, though.

 

We have taken the position that we allow a gradual increase in autonomy according to age, as there is a LOT of difference from 10 to 12 to 14 to 16 to 18.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I leave my 4 youngest (oldest 13) alone for several hours at a time. My 13 yo is very responsible and my 11 and 9 yo are very independent. I leave them with my 16 or up in charge for quite a long time. My oldest three really are adults and I have no qualms about it. If dh and I tank the 20 gets the kids.

[lauracolumbus]

My opinion has changed quite a bit now that I've actually started leaving them home alone.

 

When ds was 12 I freaked out at the thought of leaving him home alone and walking around the block w/a cell phone in hand. I have reasons--my parents' house burned to the ground, and I was a violent crime victim--so I'm sort of waiting for the next crisis to happen.

 

When he was 12 1/2 I started leaving him home for brief periods and eventually w/dd (now 12), and eventually w/dd8. Now, I feel very comfortable w/about 3 hours (he turns 14 next week). When dd is 14 I'm sure I'll feel even more comfortable, and who knows when dd8 is 12, I may just take one of those out of town vacations (probably not). I'm not near as paranoid as I once was and I do see the benefit of giving kids the responsibility and independence of staying alone.

 

Laura

[Pretty in Pink]

Yes, we leave our boys home alone. I don't generally leave all four boys home together and I nearly always take my youngest son with me. The baby always goes with me. I have left the four boys home together on occasion for up to an hour or so, but I know ds3 can be a handful so I don't ask ds13 watch him often. If I do then I take the two middle boys with me so that ds13 can focus solely on the 3 year old because, as I said, he's a handful.

 

I have left ds13 in charge of the middle boys for 3 to 4 hours at most; generally it's under 2 hours.

 

Ds13 babysits probably once per week, sometimes more. We pay him for it and when we get home the boys report on one another's behavior. I feel like ds13 has a good incentive to do an excellent job because he is earning money and his brothers will tattle on him if he doesn't. He's a good boy and does fine.

[Celia]

I've left my eldest at home alone for a little while, and he's just turned 8. I wouldn't if I was more than a few minutes away, but he's a very obedient child... he did all the homework I left him with!

 

When I was 12, I was babysitting 3 young children (youngest under a year old, eldest was 5) from after school until 10pm several times a week. It surprises me when people wonder if it's okay to leave kids that age alone, but I don't think age has much to do with it. It depends mostly on the kid.

Edited May 25, 2012 by Celia

[Aelwydd]

At that age, I think 4 hours is reasonable, as long as you know your dc is responsible.

 

When I was 10 yo, I became a latch key kid at my own request. Having tired of having to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to go to the babysitter's, and then going there after a long school day, and finally home--I was done with that. I told my dad I was quite capable of watching out for myself and my younger sister (youngest sister was a baby, and she stayed in a daycare) before and after school.

 

We had two neighbors, who we could go to if there were any problems. One of them was the SAHM of a friend of mine.

 

Right now, we are trying to foster some of the same independence and self-reliance in our ds. We have begun leaving him for 20 to 30 minutes at a time, while taking walks, going for a short run to the convenience store, etc. We're also teaching him some basic cooking skills and safety precautions. He can make pancakes pretty well! :D

 

Like others have said, you have to take it on an individual basis. What is appropriate for one child, may be a terrible idea for another!

[swellmomma]

It depends on the child. My oldest heck no, the last time I left him home alone he blew things up on my stove for fun. DD12 she stays home every Tuesday night and babysits dd4. Ds8 heck no.

 

In my province a child is permitted to stay home alone legally when the parent deems them ready, so if I felt my 8 yr old was ready it would be fine BUT it also stipulates that it is to be done under reasonable and safe conditions. MEaning if I left my 2 young teens home alone for a weekend, or a whole week, and CPS was called I would actually be charged with abandonment.

 

As for bigs babysitting littles. That is only legal here once the babysitting child is 12 yrs of age or older. So in the family that leaves the 8 year old watching the littles for the 15 minutes that would be grounds for removal of the children. In addition tragedy can strike in only those 15 minutes, if there was an electrical fire or someone tried to break in, or the block goes on lock down because some crazy neighbor did something, would your 8 yr old know what to do to protect the little ones? Or what if in those 15 minutes you were in an accident and could not get back home to them in the time allotted. In my province leaving littles especially babies in the care of those under the age of 12 is considered child endangerment.

 

It doesn't matter how we grew up, times and laws have changed. We didn't wear seatbelts growing up but we have laws now mandating their use.

 

Obviously in your areas those laws don't exist and you feel your kids are safe and fine. That is you perogative as a parent, I am just surprised by those who make those choices. (ftr I am looking through the lens of liviing in a place in which those choices are illegal).

 

Anyway back to the OP, ds is turning 14 and I have been just starting leaving him for 10 minute stints while I pick up the mail etc. But longer than that no not yet, I do not trust him to behave responsibly. and although he has completed the home alone course and the babysitting course scoring 100% in each I will not leave him with the other kids, because his violent outbursts are unpredictable and I can not risk them being hurt if he has one.

 

When dd12 is left with dd4 it is for around 2 hours, occasionally I take the boys and daycare child to run an errand and leave dd12 watching dd4 and again that is typically for no more than 2 hours at this point.