Advice: preteen vs doctor re: "privates"

[mommytobees]

::delurking::

 

Okay, I used to be so-so active here and have gone into mainly lurker mode for quite a while.

 

We just got back from a new doctor visit "well child" check-up. This is the military health care system, BUT, the doctor is a civilian and female.

 

***if you want to get to the point, skip the details and go to the next set of stars****

 

My daughter is 11-years old and is starting to develop bee*st "buds" and uses deodorant. She has _finally_ learned the term modesty. Her last physical (about a year ago) she stripped almost naked without blinking an eye.

 

This time it was different.

 

First the doctor wouldn't take my concerns about Lori's health problems back in Dec seriously. (We spent a month in and out of the ER, Infectious Disease, & Hemo/oncology only to find out she had some weird strain of mono.) She was focused on the fact that my dd is only partly immunized. We have a plan and we are good with it. I can understand why the doctor needs to know about the immunizations, but that is a long-term issue that isn't going to be fixed overnight.

 

Whereas the Dec health issues need to be addressed again now that we are almost 6 months later. If her blood work comes back "fine and dandy" then Yay! But, we can't just assume. We need to actually GET the blood work done to see how she is doing now.

 

Then, the doctor did the physical exam..... and DD didn't want to take her pants off. We finally got to the point of the problem and she didn't want to change in front of the doctor. So, I asked the corpsman for a gown and we were able to move on with the appointment. The doctor did her physical and then insisted on looking under dd's undies. No way. Dd wanted nothing to do with that. She flat out said "no". We discussed it, I reminded her that the doctor wasn't going to touch, that her private parts are hers and no one has the right to look or touch without her permission. She said "NO. I will not compromise on this, I will not take off my undies."

 

Okay. Fine by me. She has just as much right to refuse medical care (when healthy) as I do. This wasn't being defiant. The blood drained out of her face and she was embarrassed and terrified. She did not want the doctor to see her privates.

 

*****

 

At what age can a child (girl or boy) decide they are NOT going to cooperate? If she is old enough to need to have a "girl-part" physical, then isn't she old enough to say "no"?

 

The doctor was put out, to say the least. She started pushing the fact that this is how she tells if there are any "problems". So, I asked my dd... are you itchy down there? Does it smell funny? Do you have any problems? She said "No." and was _very_ embarrassed.

 

The feeling I got from the doctor was either I _make_ my daughter do this or "Else". Whether "else" was she was going to call Children & Family services because an 11-year old girl doesn't have the right to say "no".

 

Bull. Pockey. Those are _her_ private parts. She owns them. If they aren't causing her problems, then why should the doctor even consider this a major issue?

 

As a mother I've known this time was coming eventually. This child was my streaker. She loved to be naked. Anywhere. Anytime. But, eventually little girls grow up and define some sort of modesty for themselves. Does the doctor have the right to force the issue?

 

Thanks,

kris

[Sun]

I think the bigger issue is not when the child has the right to refuse (and I do think your daughter is old enough to refuse), but that you need a new doctor. You've already had issues with how things were handled, and your doctor handled this interaction with you and your daughter very poorly, in my opinion. It would have been reasonable for her to gently explain why she wanted to examine there, but to get angry and imply "or else" does not sound like she's the kind of doctor I'd want to continue seeing.

 

A good patient-doctor relationship is based on communication and respect both ways, and it sounds like your doctor didn't respect your daughter's new modesty. This shouldn't have been a new or surprising issue for your doctor; it's common with kids that age, and she should have been able to handle it better.

[J-rap]

I suppose every clinic does it differently, but at our clinic, our daughters were never asked to do this at routine check-ups. That would only happen if there was a problem related to that area. There were times when the doctor would feel around in the ovary area, but underpants were left on and the doctor never felt a need to look beyond.

[Hwin]

Yes, good for her for saying no and good for you for backing her up. But I would say it's probably a good idea to find a doctor she's comfortable with so that if she needs to be examined (if something IS wrong), it won't be too traumatic for her.

[gardenmom5]

::delurking::

 

We just got back from a new doctor visit "well child" check-up. This is the military health care system, BUT, the doctor is a civilian and female.

The doctor did her physical and then insisted on looking under dd's undies. No way. Dd wanted nothing to do with that. She flat out said "no".

 

The doctor was put out, to say the least. She started pushing the fact that this is how she tells if there are any "problems". So, I asked my dd... are you itchy down there? Does it smell funny? Do you have any problems? She said "No." and was _very_ embarrassed.

 

s

 

11 year olds can easily over hype their emotions to things. I don't know a single woman who isn't uncomfortable by a pelvic exam. (which was not what she'd be doing.) even when the Dr is a woman.

 

frankly - I agree with the dr. she can't do a complete exam without checking things out "down there". It isn't just about "smells"/yeast infection. there are many other things. structural things that can be felt by external compression.

 

keep in mind - in our very litigeous society - if something was wrong "down there", the dr was also likely thinking she could be sued later becasue she didn't find it. juries don't care that your daughter didn't "want" to be examined.

Edited May 23, 2012 by gardenmom5

[Mrs Mungo]

It's been my experience that a brief look at boy/girl parts is very common in the midst of puberty. It helps the doctor determine where the child is in the process, which informs the doctor about other things. If the child is showing signs of early puberty, then there could be issues with growth and such. Likewise, idiopathic short stature may need intervention or not. Where the child is development-wise will help inform the doctor.

 

That said, I don't think it's up to the doctor to force the issue in the moment. I think it is up to *you* to explain why the doctor needs to do this and that something similar happens when you visit the doctor. If necessary, the doctor could step out for a bit so that you and your dd to have a brief discussion.

[magnificent_baby]

I think this is perfectly fine, especially for a female at this age, with no complaints of anything abnormal going on.

 

For a preteen/teen boy however, I feel a little different. I know someone who had an abnormality found on routine check up. Ended up having surgery. Without having detected and correcting this, he may have ended up sterile.

[MegP]

Did you prepare her before the exam so she was mentally ready for the "private parts" check?

 

BTW, the "private parts check" is VERY quick and has ALWAYS been a part of check ups where I live. Every mom I have ever talked to about this tells me that this is just standard. I never gave it a second thought, and my kids haven't ever objected or been upset by it. I would think a child refusing to consent to this part of the exam would raise huge red flags to the doctor ( I am not suggesting that the red flags are warranted).

 

At 11, there could be things going on that the child is not aware of. It is really no different from the doctor checking any other part of you to make sure it is healthy-your heart, ears, spine, skin, etc. Girls can get infections, labial adhesions, imperforate hymen, etc. It is just a standard part of the exam.

Edited May 23, 2012 by MegP

[Rebecca VA]

I voted "other" because I feel you should have prepared her for the exam. You might have avoided the situation by either talking her through it beforehand, or going to a different doctor.

 

If your daughter would have refused to allow any doctor to examine her, even with all the preparation in the world, then that's a problem. I would wonder if there were any "issues" going on beyond just normal girl modesty.

[staceyobu]

 

keep in mind - in our very litigeous society - if something was wrong "down there", the dr was also likely thinking she could be sued later becasue she didn't find it. juries don't care that your daughter didn't "want" to be examined.

 

Then the doctor needs to very carefully chart that the patient and mother refused this part of the exam. Doctors do not have the right to force procedures/examinations to cover themselves. Charting refusal is perfectly acceptable.

 

I know this has been argued here before, but I see no point in forcing this on a preteen.

[Mommyof4ks]

It's been my experience that a brief look at boy/girl parts is very common in the midst of puberty. It helps the doctor determine where the child is in the process, which informs the doctor about other things. If the child is showing signs of early puberty, then there could be issues with growth and such. Likewise, idiopathic short stature may need intervention or not. Where the child is development-wise will help inform the doctor.

 

That said, I don't think it's up to the doctor to force the issue in the moment. I think it is up to *you* to explain why the doctor needs to do this and that something similar happens when you visit the doctor. If necessary, the doctor could step out for a bit so that you and your dd to have a brief discussion.

 

I agree. My son had to do a lot of medical stuff that he did not want to do, and I often had to tell him it was for his own good. In his case it was a mtter of life an death, but still, we all have to do things we do not want to do in order to make sure we are ok. There is no way to know if there is an issue unless the doc looks. Personally, I would feel awful if the doc did not get to do their job and something happened to my child.

[MegP]

I wanted to clarify that while I think the OP should have prepared her DD, if she has been getting well child checks since birth and every year has had her private parts checked without any issues, and because of that, the mom didn't remind her that, just like every other year, the doctor would need to look at her private parts, it is totally understandable. Because my children are used to this happening during yearly check ups, I see no need to remind them each year before the apt. that the doctor will look at their private parts. So was this the first time that your DD reacted like this? Was she fine getting a full exam at age 8 and 9?

[TranquilMind]

What does the doctor need to look for, exactly? Was she going to do a full pelvic? If not, what's the point? (I have boys, so I really don't know.)

 

My daughter is 15 years old and this has never been done to her.

 

Thank GOD for Family Practice doctors with common sense. Curious...was this a pediatrician? They really go overboard, from what I've been told.

[TranquilMind]

If your daughter would have refused to allow any doctor to examine her, even with all the preparation in the world, then that's a problem. I would wonder if there were any "issues" going on beyond just normal girl modesty.

 

I don't think this is a reasonable presumption, though I do know from personal experience that doctors may assume this.

 

Our long term family doc has been our family doctor for over 30 years. My kids are third generation, which I think is great, because He KNOWS us and how we think and our character - not just our kid.

 

Our son pulled this last year when he had to have his first hernia check because he plays contact sports. He had just turned 12, I think. When the doctor said he was going to check him there (and I had NOT prepared him - did not know that this was expected) he responded quite assertively, saying ,"NO. You are not handling me in that way. This is NOT the airport! (which kind of cracked us up). He went on for a couple of minutes. "I have RIGHTS. You can't just handle me!" He was quite resistant, but I talked to him a couple minutes assuring him that this was JUST Dr. X, that we trust him, and that it will be very quick and it must be done to play his sport. The doctor reminded him that it would be just a few seconds. He finally agreed. The doctor handled it well, with no ridicule or suspicions.

 

He did mention to me after that some kids who have been molested respond this way and was I absolutely sure. But because he KNOWS us, knows we are home schoolers, knows we have been very careful about whom our kids have spent time with and also knows we are huge privacy advocates and talk about this stuff all the time, he knew that it was ok. I was absolutely sure and am now. Every now and then I ask a variation of the question as to whether anyone has made him feel uncomfortable, etc.

 

That's where long term relationship with all of us (including my parents when they were alive) pays off, as opposed to using a ped who only knows my kid from just those few appointments.

 

I do see how it could have gone very wrong though, so we had a discussion of assumptions that could be made with that kind of response. But he had only previously internalizes that NO ONE touches your private area, and I hadn't prepared him for this so he didn't know.

Edited May 23, 2012 by TranquilMind

[kitten18]

11 year olds can easily over hype their emotions to things. I don't know a single woman who isn't uncomfortable by a pelvic exam. (which was not what she'd be doing.) even when the Dr is a woman.

 

Really? I'm not even the slightest bit uncomfortable with a pelvic exam. I was uncomfortable when I was 18, 19, 20 but not now. At 11, I would have been horrified. I am quite certain I never had any kind of pelvic exam (even an external glance) until I was in college.

 

I would not have thought to prepare an 11 year old for this.

[TranquilMind]

Mine growing up did go overboard. OVERBOARD. It became so awful my mother finally got the sense to leave and find me a new doctor. But it's one of those things, people are taught to trust doctors.

 

Well, that's sad, because I thought it was only today. But this was YOU, decades ago.

 

So glad we never used peds. I understand that some of them today are booting patients who won't bow to every pressure for every new vaccine or treatment that comes down the pike, and are also demanding gag orders (so to speak) so the parent can't complain about poor treatment to Angie's List or other review sites.

 

I have never, ever trusted doctors until they earn my trust - like this Family Doc after 30 years - but that's what happens when you grow up with someone who is chronically ill, on whom many medical mistakes are made, finally resulting in death. You absolutely MUST take control and learn any topic as well as your doctor knows it, or you will be taken advantage of, and sometimes even then.

[ocelotmom]

I think it is perfectly appropriate to support a child that age who is adamant about modesty.

 

However, I would ask the doctor if I could talk to her privately for a few minutes, and try to sort out the problem. I would let her know that I would support her if she was adamant because bodily autonomy is important, but that I thought the privates check was important and you'd like to find a way for her to be ok with it. Is she uncomfortable with the doctor? Is it that particular doctor, or just the situation in general? Is she uncomfortable with you in the room? I know that one was an issue for me at around that age - I didn't feel I could ask my mom to leave, but it was horribly embarrassing to get the privates check with her in the room.

 

I would also make sure she knew that her health was more important to me than anything else. If there's something she's worried about getting found out (like if she's worried about the doctor finding out her hymen isn't intact or something), treatment is more important than punishment. Chances are she's just being modest, but an extreme and uncharacteristic modesty would make me worried that there was something she was trying to hide.

 

I'm not sure how I'd word that to an 11 year old, though!

 

I think this is perfectly fine, especially for a female at this age, with no complaints of anything abnormal going on.

 

For a preteen/teen boy however, I feel a little different. I know someone who had an abnormality found on routine check up. Ended up having surgery. Without having detected and correcting this, he may have ended up sterile.

 

I don't understand this view. Girls can have abnormalities and issues, too.

Edited May 23, 2012 by ocelotmom

[Parrothead]

Why is the doc even looking? I never had one until my first gyn appt. Dd hasn't had a doc look since she was under 2.

[TranquilMind]

Really? I'm not even the slightest bit uncomfortable with a pelvic exam. I was uncomfortable when I was 18, 19, 20 but not now. At 11, I would have been horrified. I am quite certain I never had any kind of pelvic exam (even an external glance) until I was in college.

 

I would not have thought to prepare an 11 year old for this.

I was a little unclear. Did the doc actually want to do a pelvic exam? That's out of line on an 11 year old. Or did she just want to look at her structurally.

[TranquilMind]

Why is the doc even looking? I never had one until my first gyn appt. Dd hasn't had a doc look since she was under 2.

 

Exactly. I'm wondering exactly the same thing.

[MegP]

Why is the doc even looking? I never had one until my first gyn appt. Dd hasn't had a doc look since she was under 2.

 

Wow, this is so odd to hear. My kids get checked (a very brief check) there every year at their check up. When I was a child, the doctor would check my private area also. I never heard of a doctor not doing this-there are many medical issues that he or she could miss by neglecting this important part of the exam.

[myfunnybunch]

At what age can a child (girl or boy) decide they are NOT going to cooperate? If she is old enough to need to have a "girl-part" physical, then isn't she old enough to say "no"?

 

She has a right to refuse. You have a legal right to refuse on her behalf.

 

The doctor was in the wrong to try to force the issue. A simple explanation of why the look is a part of a usual checkup and allowing you/your dd the right to refuse it would have been sufficient.

 

Our ped does a quick check at the boys' checkups, but he *always* asks them and me for permission.

 

Cat

[Terabith]

I am wondering if she wanted to check whether or not she had p*bic hair to determine the stage of puberty? Quick glance type thing?

 

Regardless, I think the doctor handled that poorly, and I think your support of your daughter was the right thing to do.

 

I would talk with your daughter about it and ask if there was anything in particular that bothered her about it? If she didn't like the dr, if she would feel better without you in the room, etc. (I also experienced the sense of being embarassed to have the exam with my mother in the room but not feeling like I could tell her that.) I would talk about why drs may want to examine her, and that there WILL come a time when it is necessary.

 

But, for a well child check up, with no issues in the area, and in the absence of precocious puberty, I think standing up for a child who is saying NO loudly and clearly, particularly with a doctor with whom she has a poor rapport, when she is obviously terrified is the right thing to do. She needs to know that you are on her side. It may make it easier if there comes a time when you do have to insist. It would, however, make me want to address that, since it is a radical change. However, sudden modesty in an eleven year old is pretty normal, esp if puberty is starting.

 

Forced exams can be traumatic. They aren't necessarily going to be, and they shouldn't, but if a child is terrified and adamantly opposed, it can feel very much like a violation and cause long-term anxiety.

[TranquilMind]

If you brought her there because she complained of an issue down there I'd have made an issue of it. But for something routine?

 

 

Exactly. That is the only reason it makes any sense. If it is just a matter about whether she is on target with pubic hair or whatever, just ASK.

[mommymilkies]

When they are old enough to voice an opinion that they are uncomfortable with it, I will support that decision. They have a right to bodily autonomy. It's one thing if there is an actual problem-hernia, etc. But then, I'm sure they would want a doc to help them. Our last doc pretty forcefully examined ds' privates at his last appt. and he swore he would never go back. We are finding a new doc and I can't blame ds. It was physically and emotionally uncomfortable for him and I want to teach my children that they have the right to say NO to someone looking at or touching their privates.

[mommymilkies]

But man..why in heck would it matter if there is hair down there or not? Really? What's the significance? Do they make sure it grows in right? I can't fathom the reasoning.

 

How did humans survive before all of this ridiculous probing?

 

I agree. And I will say no doc ever checked me down there at that age until I went for a pap when I was older. I would not have consented, either.

[Terabith]

The presence of hair helps evaluate the stage of puberty.

[nova147]

A child has as much right to refuse as an adult. And I think OP was right to support her child's refusal.

 

The issue of checking a child's private parts is separate to me. There are valid reasons for it, I'm sure. And I would encourage OP to discuss it with the child and have the examination done on a subsequent visit. If needed, talk with the doctor or doctor's staff to find out exactly what will happen and why it is being done.

 

There are, obviously, times we as parents must chose to allow a doctor to do something our child does not want to have done. But, baring immediate necessity, I think it is important to allow the child time to understand and prepare for the procedure. This teaches them to respect doctors, but not to feel that they must surrender to them. I did not learn this until my oldest was extremely sick as a newborn. I want better for my kids.

[justLisa]

What ticks me off is that a kid at ELEVEN or any freakin age refusing a private area search would raise any kind of flag.

 

We see an ND, and they are more nature minded so it's not an issue. However, we have seen an MD a couple of times who brought this up. I told my kids what happens during an exam, and brought up the possibility they may look there. My kids were definitely not thrilled. I taught them both to say respectfully, "I am not comfortable with that. I will talk to my mom at home about it." DD has not had to say it, but DS did one time. There's just not much the doc could say. DD has practiced and repeated it several times until she was confident she could assert herself if needed. They both know to come to me if there was ever a problem in that area, and that would be a different issue. But routine? No.

[myfunnybunch]

If your daughter would have refused to allow any doctor to examine her, even with all the preparation in the world, then that's a problem. I would wonder if there were any "issues" going on beyond just normal girl modesty.

 

Really? :confused: Would you still wonder if it was your own child, a child you know well, or does this make you wonder about the OP's child, or are you saying that the doctor may be wondering if there are issues?

 

Of course it's possible there's some "issue" but I think developing modesty and physical boundaries is a normal developmental stage. This particular girl may just trust that if she's unwilling to have her privacy invaded in a way that makes her that uncomfortable then she has a right to say no, even to a doctor, and her mom will back her up and allow her to make that choice.

 

Cat

[angela in ohio]

My daughter is 15 years old and this has never been done to her.

 

Thank GOD for Family Practice doctors with common sense. Curious...was this a pediatrician? They really go overboard, from what I've been told.

 

Our family doctor does this with all of our dc every year. It is routine. We go to a family doctor because I have found pediatricians to be awful in general, but I don't consider this issue to be uncommon or a problem at all. The benefit of going to a family doctor - and going to the same doctor for many years - is that your dc trust them, and it's not any more uncomfortable than it has to be. It still isn't fun by any means, like pap smears, mammograms, having blood drawn, etc.

 

I'm with Mrs. Mungo on this one. :001_smile:

 

It's a difficult line to walk in teaching them both to stand up for themselves and to do things that aren't comfortable when necessary.

[myfunnybunch]

What ticks me off is that a kid at ELEVEN or any freakin age refusing a private area search would raise any kind of flag.

 

This. Even if it's more of a private area peek.

 

Particularly in this day when we are so diligent about teaching our children to protect their bodies, the idea that the doctor has a right to examine a child who does not wish to be examined is a double standard.

 

I can't imagine a decent pediatrician not immediately respecting and reinforcing a young girl's right to choose who sees or touches her private areas.

 

I am VERY grateful for my dd's doctor and the boys' pediatrician right now.

 

Cat

[Karen in CO]

Why is the doc even looking? I never had one until my first gyn appt. Dd hasn't had a doc look since she was under 2.

 

Exactly this.

 

My family doc would never do that. He has 5 daughters and understands little girls as well as any doctor can. At her last check-up, he asked if we'd talked about the signs of puberty and such and if we had any questions. He mentioned that the whole subject embarrasses his daughters. He was very respectful of her need for privacy.

 

I'll add that when my ds was about the same age and playing competitive soccer, Dr. Z. checked for hernias just like he should. He explained what he was going to do and why and asked my ds if he wanted me in the room or out of it.

[gardening momma]

Why is the doc even looking? I never had one until my first gyn appt. Dd hasn't had a doc look since she was under 2.

:iagree:

[ChocolateReignRemix]

A child has as much right to refuse as an adult. And I think OP was right to support her child's refusal.

 

The issue of checking a child's private parts is separate to me. There are valid reasons for it, I'm sure. And I would encourage OP to discuss it with the child and have the examination done on a subsequent visit. If needed, talk with the doctor or doctor's staff to find out exactly what will happen and why it is being done.

 

There are, obviously, times we as parents must chose to allow a doctor to do something our child does not want to have done. But, baring immediate necessity, I think it is important to allow the child time to understand and prepare for the procedure. This teaches them to respect doctors, but not to feel that they must surrender to them. I did not learn this until my oldest was extremely sick as a newborn. I want better for my kids.

 

 

Best response in this thread.

 

I am a bit surprised that so many here don't see any point for these exams. They do serve a purpose, and sometimes when it comes to medical procedures we have to things we find uncomfortable to ensure good health.

 

My boys were both heavily into sports starting at a young age, and learned by the middle school years that some things just had to be accepted if they wanted a completed physical form.

[Murphy101]

I agree. And I will say no doc ever checked me down there at that age until I went for a pap when I was older. I would not have consented, either.

 

Me either. In fact, I probably still would refuse. Tell me why you want to look and I'll tell you whether I think it's worth it to me to let you.:)

 

And why do we need to evaluate that?

 

I never had that "evaluated".

 

That's like saying they need to look for gray hairs on my head to evaluate I'm getting older. I KNOW I'm getting older. Nobody needs to evaluate it.

 

:001_huh: I don't understand it either. No one ever examined me until I was having sex. And it wasn't to check if I had hair or not. In fact, that's kind of a stupid thing to need to get naked for. They could just ask!

[myfunnybunch]

That said, I don't think it's up to the doctor to force the issue in the moment. I think it is up to *you* to explain why the doctor needs to do this and that something similar happens when you visit the doctor. If necessary, the doctor could step out for a bit so that you and your dd to have a brief discussion.

 

I agree with this, but the mom and the dd did have a discussion and the dd was still not willing. The bottom line is that the child should be allowed to say no, particularly to a doctor she doesn't know well. It's not up to the parent to force the issue in that moment either, particularly with a terrified and embarrassed child.

 

The next visit, they can prepare ahead of time.

 

FWIW, our pediatrician takes a peek every year. The idea of this being a part of the exam doesn't bother me in the least. However, he always asks me and the child for permission.

 

Cat

[ChocolateReignRemix]

What's the purpose? I ask this in all honesty.

 

I find it baffling that if there is a purpose why some people say their docs do it and others don't.

 

Let me see if I can find an old thread here on this. There was a poster here who is a doctor who explained it much better than I ever could.

[Mrs Mungo]

The feeling I got from the doctor was either I _make_ my daughter do this or "Else". Whether "else" was she was going to call Children & Family services because an 11-year old girl doesn't have the right to say "no".

<snip>

Does the doctor have the right to force the issue?

 

I am actually curious whether this was a pediatrician or a GP. Because I've *had* issues like this (not with this same topic) with my kids and (civilian) GPs in the military system (implying a threat to call CPS or something if I did not agree to do X or Y), but never a pediatrician.

[Murphy101]

Best response in this thread.

 

I am a bit surprised that so many here don't see any point for these exams. They do serve a purpose, and sometimes when it comes to medical procedures we have to things we find uncomfortable to ensure good health.

 

My boys were both heavily into sports starting at a young age, and learned by the middle school years that some things just had to be accepted if they wanted a completed physical form.

 

I don't think anyone is saying there is never any point to the exam. The question is whether there was a valid reason THIS time. Maybe there was and maybe there wasn't. If there was the dr failed to explain it clearly.

 

If there was a valid reason, then I would explain things in a matter of fact this needs done so cope with it manner to my child, boy or girl.

 

Some of us contend that just wanting to know if she has pubic hair or not is not a valid reason to us.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I don't think anyone is saying there is never any point to the exam. The question is whether there was a valid reason THIS time. Maybe there was and maybe there wasn't. If there was the dr failed to explain it clearly.

 

If there was a valid reason, then I would explain things in a matter of fact this needs done so cope with it manner to my child, boy or girl.

 

Some of us contend that just wanting to know if she has pubic hair or not is not a valid reason to us.

 

It is a valid part of a routine physical, and numerous posters have questioned that throughout the thread.

[Dealea86]

I am a bit surprised that so many here don't see any point for these exams. They do serve a purpose, and sometimes when it comes to medical procedures we have to things we find uncomfortable to ensure good health.

 

I'm surprised because - like many others - this was never done to me at that age. The closest my doctor got to 'down there' was to palpate my stomach. This basically meant my pants were pulled down a couple of inches below my belly button. The doctor never lifted my pants up to look. And I had several different pediatricians during the pre-puberty and puberty years, because we moved a lot back then.

 

I'm sure my doctors checked when I was a very little girl, but I don't remember that. I have no memories of any doctor's exam where I had to pull down my pants until I was getting a full pelvic. And I'm not that old. ;)

[Joker]

I think many are surprised because we don't all see it as standard care. I have only encountered one dr. who did that in a well child exam, and we didn't return. Our current dr., who is amazing, has never asked or tried to do a genital check. I was also one who never had it done while growing up.

[Mrs Mungo]

Yeah. I don't see this as a life or death thing. If my kid's arm is hanging out of the socket, I'm going to force him to have it looked at. I'm not going to care about his "feelings" regarding that. But this? No. It's not the same.

 

I think it would REALLY depend upon whether or not your kid had other medical issues. There are plenty of good, solid reasons for it for *many* kids, whether or not all parents realize the exact reasoning.

[Dealea86]

I think many are surprised because we don't all see it as standard care. I have only encountered one dr. who did that in a well child exam, and we didn't return. Our current dr., who is amazing, has never asked or tried to do a genital check. I was also one who never had it done while growing up.

 

:iagree:

 

If many doctors don't see it as a necessary part of a routine physical, it shouldn't be a big deal to opt out of it.

[Lightly Salted]

We've seen pediatricians in multiple states and countries - and have never been asked to submit to a 'privates' check past diaper stage. If mine refused, I might explain why the doctor wants to check, but if they were adamant, I'd support their decision.

[Murphy101]

It is a valid part of a routine physical, and numerous posters have questioned that throughout the thread.

 

Well numerous posters, such as myself, think "it's just part of a routine physical" is a non explaination and doesn't make it valid at all.

[KidsHappen]

Girls can get infections, labial adhesions, imperforate hymen, etc. It is just a standard part of the exam.

It takes much more than just a quick peek in the undies to determine any of these things. Pretty much the only thing a dr. is going to learn by a quick peek is whether there is pubic hair or not which they can learn just as easily by asking.

[Murphy101]

I think it would REALLY depend upon whether or not your kid had other medical issues. There are plenty of good, solid reasons for it for *many* kids, whether or not all parents realize the exact reasoning.

 

And again, no one is saying it should never be done.

 

The question is why is it being done?

 

And the answer, IMO, needs to be more than, "to see if they are developing pubic hair".

Edited May 23, 2012 by Martha
LOL

[ChocolateReignRemix]

What's the purpose? I ask this in all honesty.

 

I find it baffling that if there is a purpose why some people say their docs do it and others don't.

 

I could not find the original thread, but there is a member here by the name of Alice who is a pediatrician. I was able to find this blurb from her in one thread, but I think there was more detail in the other thread.

 

"

For boys we are looking primarily for whether or not the testicles are descended and hernias. It's not uncommon (I'm guessing off the top of my head we have about one a year) where we find an undescended testicle in a boy where we previously recorded it as descended. This can be for a couple of reasons: the doctor messed up previously and the testicle was never there, the doctor felt a fat pad before instead of a real testicle, or a testicle which had been retractile but able to be brought into the scrotum is now fully in the canal. Testicles develop in the abdomen and descend into the scrotum. There are true undescended testicles, which means they never left the abdomen or canal. There are testicles that are retractile (spending most of the time in the canal but can be brought down into the scrotum) and then there are testicles in the normal position. The age of the boy also dictates what is normal. It's normal for a 5 year old to have retractile testicles it is not normal for a 14 year old. However, because sometimes the exam changes or another doctor has done it previously, I don't like to assume that "it's ok because it was ok last year".As a boy gets older, I can often just see by visual inspection if the testicles are in the scrotum.

 

We also check boys for hernias, which are very important to know about, especially in the case of sports. Finally, we check for masses, although that's much less common. In our practice we have had two kids diagnosed with serious illnesses during the exam of the inguinal area.

 

For girls, we check for labial adhesions in younger girls.

 

In both boys and girls we check for pubertal development. I once had a baby brought in at 4 months who had very elevated testosterone that we discovered because of abnormal genitalia size. More commonly we have older kids who are showing signs of early puberty (or delayed puberty).

 

Other points:

Sometimes older kids and teens have concerns about the genital area that they are not going to ask about and parents are not seeing. I've seen STDs and folliculitis and abcesses and acne. None were asked about when I asked if they had any concerns. I saw the issue and asked, the teens were then relieved to be able to address it.

 

I think examination of the genital area is important, just as I think examination of the rest of the body is important for a physical. I try and be sensitive to the kids (and parents). I try to explain what we are looking for and why it's important (in general age appropriate terms "I need to make sure your whole body is healthy".) Still, I know some kids who are very embarrassed or outright refuse. I would never force anyone and if they are really sensitive we just let them waive the exam. It is their right."

 

I agree that waiving it isn't a huge deal, and is the right of the parent/patient.