If you felt your dc wasn't ready to move to the next grade...

[creekmom]

would you tell him? My ds has been in vision therapy all year, and although he's come a long way, he's really not ready for 4th grade. His younger sister is in 1st this year, and she is very close to his "level". I tore off the math cover on my teacher's guide this year so he wouldn't see that she is in the math book he was in last year.

I keep telling myself that he's homeschooled, and I really don't need to assign a grade level. It's hard though, when he thinks he's in 3rd grade this year, but he's really doing 2nd grade books. Part of me just wants to make it "official" - and tell him that bc his eyes haven't been working like they should, we need to do a lot of the 3rd grade stuff over again next year (even though we never truly moved to 3rd this year bc he wasn't ready). He's only 8 and will be 9 this summer, and I know a lot of boys are held back just so they can mature a little. How do I tell him this? His self esteem is just starting to recover from feeling stupid (before we realized he needed vision therapy).Do I even need to tell him this? Should I just not show him the covers of his math/ grammar books etc.? Sorry I'm rambling. This has really been on my mind lately.

[missmoe]

I wouldn't tell him. As a homeschooler there is just no need to hold him back. Keeping him in fourth grade will also keep him with kids his same age in other activities such as sports teams, church activities, scouts, ect. It is possible that at some point he will catch up.

[Ellie]

I wouldn't tell him. As a homeschooler there is just no need to hold him back. Keeping him in fourth grade will also keep him with kids his same age in other activities such as sports teams, church activities, scouts, ect. It is possible that at some point he will catch up.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

...although even if he were "held back" academically there would be no reason to keep him from being in fourth-grade-level social activities and Sunday school and whatnot.

[Farrar]

I wouldn't tell him. As a homeschooler there is just no need to hold him back. Keeping him in fourth grade will also keep him with kids his same age in other activities such as sports teams, church activities, scouts, ect. It is possible that at some point he will catch up.

 

:iagree: I think the only time it begins to "matter" is if he goes to a b&m school or for high school - and down the line you could always set graduation requirements of your own and let him have a longer path or let the school's requirements be the deciding factor for his grade.

[creekmom]

But the social aspect is part of the problem. We haven't been to church in awhile, but when we did go, he couldn't read as well as the other kids and was embarrassed if someone asked him to read a verse. Also, he needs to work on his speech - it's not very clear and others sometimes have a hard time understanding him. His handwriting looks like a 1st grader - very big with uneven spacing. If he had to write something in church, I wouldn't be surprised if someone made fun of him (sad -but true). I think if he were in a church class that was younger, he'd have a bit of an advantage maturity wise. I should mention that his cousin is the same age and light years ahead of him in every way (this child is unusually gifted). My ds knows he and his cousin are the same grade, but the differences between them are obvious.

[regentrude]

I would not see any need to tell him. He can be in whatever grade number you want to call it and work on whatever level of work you find necessary for him. So, if you think it is important for him to be a 4th grader, call it 4th grade and keep working on whatever he needs to solidify.

[creekmom]

I should also mention that we live in a state that is very "sports oriented". Most boys are held back just to give them an advantage in sports. So, most of the boys his "grade" are actually a year older than he is. It's almost like he's 2 years behind the boys in his grade!!

[wapiti]

If other people don't understand his speech, that would be a speech issue, not a maturity issue. Consider getting an evaluation from a speech therapist.

[Farrar]

Hm... I don't know. My boys are right on the line, but I just register them as their official grade... but they did "stay back" in Sunday school one year because the teacher was better (it was their choice) and they do soccer with the kids the year before them, which is fine by the policy of the soccer organization, because they're not all that athletic and have friends on that team. But we didn't "hold them back" if you know what I mean... We just register for things that are appropriate for them...

[Soror]

It sounds like he needs to be in "younger" classes for church. That seems easy enough to do, especially as he is not the same grade wise as his same age peers. I don't think it would be good to mention it though from what you are saying. Although it sounds like it might take him an extra year or so to finish his coursework. If he is continually "behind" I'm guessing he will figure it out sooner or later. Perhaps he will catch up though, you never know, or perhaps there are some underlying issues causing the difficulty.

[Cosmos]

Part of me just wants to make it "official" - and tell him that bc his eyes haven't been working like they should, we need to do a lot of the 3rd grade stuff over again next year (even though we never truly moved to 3rd this year bc he wasn't ready). He's only 8 and will be 9 this summer, and I know a lot of boys are held back just so they can mature a little. How do I tell him this? His self esteem is just starting to recover from feeling stupid (before we realized he needed vision therapy).Do I even need to tell him this? Should I just not show him the covers of his math/ grammar books etc.? Sorry I'm rambling. This has really been on my mind lately.

 

I think others gave good advice about whether you need to or not. If you do decide to adjust his grade level, though, here is a suggestion I've heard for explaining it. Instead of "doing 3rd grade over" you could talk about doing fourth grade over two years. You could explain that 5th grade is a new level of work and you want to spend extra time to get him ready. (Or two years of sixth or two years of eighth or whatever.) That may sound more palatable to kids than doing something over again.

[sagira]

I told ds8 we're going into a "3.5" year instead of 4th next year, but we can call it 4th. He's a very good reader, but his writing and spelling are still budding and not blooming yet. On the other hand, his oral narrations are wonderful. He just needs to mature into the hand/mind realm. I talk about all this with him matter-of-factly.

[shukriyya]

Another option would be to use the word 'year' instead of grade. So you could say he's in year X of homeschooling. Year and grade have slightly different connotations and allow for the different speeds at which children acquire the various skills they are learning. You could be doing year 3 of homeschooling but be using grade 5 math, grade 4 spelling, grade 3 writing etc.

[Walking-Iris]

I don't think there's any point in "holding a kid back" either. If you think about it all our children are "behind" in some areas and "ahead" in others.

 

My ds is ahead, behind, and at level in various topics in the subject of math.

 

I don't think grades are necessary. And if your ds's self esteem hinges on his feelings about it then I especially wouldn't make a big deal about it.

 

Pick materials for each subject that are appropriate for his abilities. If he needs to go at a slower pace in one area or topic then do that. If he's zooming right along in another---then by all means go ahead.

 

Don't even worry about the grade on the book. Why does it have to be the 3rd grade book---how about just the 3rd book in that series?

 

My ds knows he'll be in 4th grade next year because it's what people want to hear when they ask him. It's what people want to know for co-op, sports etc. It can help give me an "idea" what may be covered in certain subjects. But honestly I have no problems moving ahead if it's too easy or dropping back if it's too hard and still saying he's 4th grade.

 

The idea of failure or age based expectations instead of ability based expectations is one of the chief reasons to homeschool.

[Hedgehogs4]

I wouldn't tell him. As a homeschooler there is just no need to hold him back. Keeping him in fourth grade will also keep him with kids his same age in other activities such as sports teams, church activities, scouts, ect. It is possible that at some point he will catch up.

:iagree:

 

grade level is a function of the public schools. Your DS is who he is and has no reason to feel that he has failed to meet some nebulous expectation of "x-grade level" What does that mean, anyway? It means they have shoved a lot of expectations into a box, and kids are expected to fulfill them. We as adults have figured out that the best expectation to have is for someone to be the best "them" they can be, and to validate, encourage, and love them in that place. If your ds notices a difference between himself and his peers, I would simply say, "Buddy, we're taking our time so we can work out things with your vision. You're right where you need to be." (end of discussion)

 

My BFF had a funny way of saying "Are we there yet?" when she was little. She would call from the back seat, "Are we where we are yet?" to which the answer was always, "yes." :001_smile:

 

That's my homeschool philosophy. "Are we where we are yet?" ....Well, yes. We are.

[Pen]

would you tell him? My ds has been in vision therapy all year, and although he's come a long way, he's really not ready for 4th grade. His younger sister is in 1st this year, and she is very close to his "level". I tore off the math cover on my teacher's guide this year so he wouldn't see that she is in the math book he was in last year.

I keep telling myself that he's homeschooled, and I really don't need to assign a grade level. It's hard though, when he thinks he's in 3rd grade this year, but he's really doing 2nd grade books. Part of me just wants to make it "official" - and tell him that bc his eyes haven't been working like they should, we need to do a lot of the 3rd grade stuff over again next year (even though we never truly moved to 3rd this year bc he wasn't ready). He's only 8 and will be 9 this summer, and I know a lot of boys are held back just so they can mature a little. How do I tell him this? His self esteem is just starting to recover from feeling stupid (before we realized he needed vision therapy).Do I even need to tell him this? Should I just not show him the covers of his math/ grammar books etc.? Sorry I'm rambling. This has really been on my mind lately.

 

I like books that don't use grade numbers since it gets away from this whether "ahead" or "behind". MUS, LOF, for example don't post a grade level on fronts. While I am grateful for curriculum without the grade written on the front, I do not hide the covers if it does say a grade level that is not the one my son officially is at.

 

My son had some reasons for being held back while in bm school so he knew that he was one of the oldest in his class. There was no way to hide that. But it was also a group he fit in both in terms of where he was academically and socially much better than if he had been in the higher grade, and even physically he fit in with the younger group better. If I were you, I would look at the social aspect and if your son would fit in with the 3rd graders, consider making him a third grader (with the possibility of an advance later if he speeds up).

 

We did talk about the grade and work level situation here, and that we would go at the pace that works for ds. I think not having spoken about it would have made it seem like it was something awful that needed to be kept hidden. He is now starting to make better progress and "catching up," and it is much nicer to start feeling like we are getting onto grade level materials, or in some areas are ahead of his current "official grade" rather than being always "behind".

 

I don't think you would need to use the words "over again" though. If he was mainly only doing second grade level work, he would be progressing for his own level, not doing it over again.

 

OTOH, if he fits well with the older group socially, and you think now that he is out of VT he will probably catch up quickly academically, then you may as well keep the 4th grade designation, and just explain where you are--and perhaps the need to do extra to catch up-- based on the VT if you need to explain it.

 

My son, btw, was in a Waldorf, where the cut-offs were such that the youngest boy in his current 3rd grade is 9 already, and the oldest turned 10 shortly after the school year began, by that system your son would most likely be going into 3rd with a summer birthday, not 4th.

 

Your son might find hearing this upsetting, but he also might find hearing it a relief.

[pitterpatter]

I wouldn't tell him either. What's the point? Why make him feel worse than he already does about his vision issues?

 

By the way, my sister teaches public school second grade. She teaches seven- and eight-year-olds. So, at nine, he's right on track for public school third grade.

 

I would just mention to whatever Sunday school teacher he has that you're working on his vision issues and please refrain from doing such and such.

[Samiam]

He's kind of young anyway, I think, for a 4th grader. With his summer birthday, he really could have waited a year, and thus been a 2nd grader this year, and 3rd next year. I've heard of plenty of people holding their children, especially boys, back from K5, so they go in at age 6 instead of 5 to give them that extra year to mature, develop, etc.

 

I am in the EXACT situation you are, almost to a T. I think often if I had just waited to label my son a K5er until the year he had already turned six, instead of the year he turned 5 (his birthday is in Feb,*so he turned 5 in Feb, and we started K5 in Aug that year). Had I waited, he still would have been behind,perhaps, but not SO far behind, because he would have been a 2nd grader this year, and thus not so far off base in his abilities. Aaah, hindsight :(.

 

I'm not telling my son that he is doing 3rd grade over, or anything like that, because it's such a negative connotation. While he is behind, that is not to say that he hasn't worked hard this year to get to the point he is at, even though it's not 4th grade. So he'll be a 4th grader, but doing work on whatever level he is at (mostly 2nd grade stuff).

 

We have the same issue with other grade level type activities. We try to avoid outside activities that require reading, etc. We do P.E., and Art, so neither will require that he read aloud, etc. Cub Scouts, there's been a few things, but nothing that we couldn't prepare in advance for.

 

I get your thought though, I really do. I just keep hoping that we'll plod along and eventually he'll have a big jump and catch up to his grade level. I've heard many people say their children were just late bloomers, and eventually did catch up. It's the reading for us....that hinders alot of other things if you can't read at grade level.

[morosophe]

Whoops, double-posted! See the next post.

Edited May 5, 2012 by morosophe
Stupid slow internet connection.

[morosophe]

Have you cross-posted this to the Special Needs Board? There might be even more experienced people there that could speak about this! (Certainly far more experienced than I.)

 

Since this is the curriculum board, let's talk about curriculum for a minute. There are two types of "subjects": skills and content. Skills subjects, such as math, reading (i.e., decoding), writing, grammar, and spelling, need to be built up level by level on a strong foundation. (Did I miss any?) These are the subjects are most likely to actually be somewhat useful at a "grade level." Even for these, however, there are a lot of resources that don't teach at a grade level. As mentioned above, Math-U-See goes by letters of the Greek alphabet, and the idea is that each level should be mastered before tackling the next, not that so much should be covered in a year. (This is what I use, as well, although I am sure there are many other math examples out there.) Many people disagree with even touching on grammar beyond the most basic levels until at least junior high. Some people start spelling in first, some in third; some would disagree with me categorizing it as a "skills" subject altogether, since they find it more beneficial to work with the actual words a student misspells than to try to deal with a systematic phonetic or "word family" approach; and, for one example, All About Spelling deals with "levels," not grades, presumably on the same principles as those listed for Math-U-See above.

 

As for reading and writing: according to your post, those seems to lie at the heart of your son's struggles because of his vision, and you are satisfied with what you're using to work on those. I'm certainly not qualified to speak to them! (I'm not even sure I phrased that right at all. I told you I have no experience in these things!)

 

Other subjects--Bible, science, history, literature, vocabulary, art, etc.--are content subjects, and you will find many, many curriculum programs that offer these at a variety of levels. Unit study approaches, classical education approaches, and just plain "mastery" approaches (instead of spiral ones, which will tend to be grade-level-bound) should allow you to teach your son without there being much disparity at all between his "grade level" and his learning materials. You really can focus on, Are you doing the best job you can do?, which is what we all should be worrying about anyhow, right? Plus, you could use some of them for your daughter, as well, particularly if they offer options for, say, writing projects, so that your children wouldn't be directly measuring themselves by each other.

 

(I'm actually pretty sure you knew all this about skills and content, since your post directly addressed grammar and math. Just in case, however, I thought I'd write it out. Maybe, some day in the far distant future, somebody reading the ancient archives could potentially be helped by it. To a much-needed nap, if nothing else.)

[MerryAtHope]

I might consider holding him back. I do think it's important to weigh out how that might affect him, and I do agree that you can call him whatever grade his same age-mates would be while doing whatever level of work he needs to be at home. So...nothing says that you *need* to hold him back.

 

It may be that he will take a jump ahead now that he has been through vision therapy. As he gets older, I suspect he will close the gap.

 

The reasons I would consider it:

 

Less pressure on both him and you--you won't feel "behind" and that you're trying to "catch up."

Most boys his age would be going into 3rd instead of 4th where you live.

 

This last one is what I would capitalize on. I would explain it this way: "I totally messed up. When we started school, I didn't realize that I was starting you too early. Almost all of the boys your age would be going into 3rd grade next year, and here I've been calling you the wrong grade all along! So, we're going to do a second year of 3rd grade (or call it grade 3.5 if that might go over better), so that I have you in the right grade now. I'm sorry I caused this confusion!"

 

I wouldn't bring up his vision therapy or his performance at all, unless you think there is a way to say that you expected 3rd grade work of him this year when he was only supposed to be 2nd grade, and that wasn't fair etc... I'd take the fall for this one if you do decide to hold him back, in other words.

 

Well, just a thought! I really think either way can be fine, but I don't think it's a bad idea at all, and it seems like it could be accomplished.

 

If he brings up his cousin, I might say, "Yes, there are just a few boys your age who are in the next grade and that's fine, but usually it's not like that."

 

If he has a lot of friends his age and really likes being in that age SS class and so on, then I might hesitate to keep him in 3rd grade--but with the speech and school issues, it really seems like it might help both of you to consider it.

 

Well, just my thoughts. Praying for wisdom for you! Merry :-)

[GingerPoppy]

:iagree:

 

grade level is a function of the public schools. Your DS is who he is and has no reason to feel that he has failed to meet some nebulous expectation of "x-grade level" What does that mean, anyway? It means they have shoved a lot of expectations into a box, and kids are expected to fulfill them. We as adults have figured out that the best expectation to have is for someone to be the best "them" they can be, and to validate, encourage, and love them in that place. If your ds notices a difference between himself and his peers, I would simply say, "Buddy, we're taking our time so we can work out things with your vision. You're right where you need to be." (end of discussion)

 

My BFF had a funny way of saying "Are we there yet?" when she was little. She would call from the back seat, "Are we where we are yet?" to which the answer was always, "yes." :001_smile:

 

That's my homeschool philosophy. "Are we where we are yet?" ....Well, yes. We are.

I love that!

[Butter]

Yes, and I have, and it was the best thing we ever did for him. He repeated 2nd grade. We use Calvert so grade level is pretty obvious. He knew his same-age friends were starting 3rd and 4th grade (he was born right around the cut-off date). Holding him back, and him knowing it, actually made him MORE confident and driven to learn. He wants to catch up to where he "should" be (and he slowly is... he's about 1/2 grade level behind now). You know your child, though. I knew he wouldn't be upset by "repeating" a grade.

[heidirenata]

I have to register my kids with the state under their official grade level based on what the state thinks if appropriate for their age, but it has zero impact on what we do in our homeschool setting. My 7 year old will be 2nd grade this fall according to her registration but we will be doing 3rd grade phonics/reading and reviewing 1st grade math. We just do what ever is necessary.

[Chris in VA]

He'd only be going into 3rd grade this coming Sept here, if he's currently 8 and turning 9 this summer. Am I misunderstanding? Did he start K when he was barely 4?

[lea1]

It is so hard to know the approach without really knowing the child. He might actually be relieved to find out you started him 'too early' and he really should be going into 3rd rather than 4th, as a PP said above.

 

While reading all of these responses, I was thinking that I think I would probably ask my son if he would rather keep going to church with those getting ready to go into 4th grade or would he rather go with those going into 3rd. (I would word it thoughtfully and carefully.) Again, he might be relieved if reading in front of others is embarrassing to him. You might talk to the teachers of his church class and ask them not to call on him to read also.

 

I am sure you have already explained to him that his struggles with school work were due to his vision issues and had nothing at all to do with his intelligence or effort. Did he feel relieved and better about the situation after he understood this? Depending on his reaction to that, I might just be honest with him and explain that his vision problems, combined with starting him earlier, have caused this situation and you are trying to decide the best way to solve it by either changing his grade level at home and at church and doing a 3.5 year (or something like that), keeping his grade level the same at home and at church, while still doing a 3.5 year or half year and catching up a bit at a time over the remaining years, or a combination of the two, such as keeping his grade level the same at home while doing a 3.5 year and catching up over time and while also staying in the same class at church.

 

If he understands the situation, it might be good to know which he would prefer.......or not, if it is going to hurt his self esteem, which you would know best.

[creekmom]

Thank you all for such thoughtful, wisdom-filled advice. You've given me a lot to ponder. My husband keeps saying, "He's homeschooled!! He doesn't need a grade level! Just keep challenging him to do his best." Which is true (and also what a lot of you said); it just feels so unsettled in my mind (perhaps bc I was a ps teacher for 7 years, and grade level was so important).

Thank you for pointing out that most kids are not truly on grade level in all subjects -most are higher or lower depending on their strengths and weaknesses. My goal this year was to push him as hard as I could in reading since reading has been the biggest battle due to his vision issues. At the beginning of this year, he HATED to read and struggled with words that had more than one syllable. Last night, (after 25 weeks of vision therapy), he proudly told me (and his cousin!) that he was on page 176 in Fablehaven!! He is begging me to get the 2nd book in the series.:party:

If any of you are wondering if your child's reading struggles might be due to vision issues (keep in mind, my son has great "sight" and doesn't need glasses), please look into testing. It has truly changed his life. The main "signs" he had: rubbing his eyes a lot while reading, sounding out a word and then not remembering the same word just a few words down the line, skipping lines and rereading the same line, letter reversals, inability to copy from the board, and writing with uneven spacing.

[PeterPan]

Haven't read the entirety of the thread yet, sorry, but given his summer birthday and the fact that many people hold back boys with summer birthdays, I would do it and be done with it. I'm not being crass. My dd had vision problems and did VT too, and they didn't hold back her math like you're describing. There were still other channels you could have used to access and get it to connect. The amount of math is still really small and siimple at that point. It's more likely you're hitting developmental reality. If it was vision ONLY, a few months of VT and it would be back on track.

 

Adjust the grade and get it fixed NOW. Don't kick yourself later.

[CatholicMom]

I think for his age (being a really young third grader right now), he's probably not as behind as you think he is. I'm just guessing that your second is bright/is further along developmentally for her age and so it makes the situation with your 3rd grader seem more desperate than it actually is. He's actually pretty close in age with some of the "oldest" 2nd graders, so you just have to remember that

 

I would definitely not officially say he's in 3rd grade again next year. I think you risk crushing his self-esteem and making any social problems worse. Holding him back is only going to give kids more to make fun of... and, in their minds, validate how worthy he is of teasing.

 

But, of course, I'd give him whatever appropriate work, even if it's technically 2nd grade. Like I said, I really don't think this is that alarming considering there isn't a huge difference in age between him and some 2nd graders.

 

If vision was a big issue like you said, then you have no reason to think he won't catch up fairly easily since it isn't a learning /intellect problem. By the end of next year he might be doing 4th grade work. And handwriting... that's more of a developmental thing, too. If kids aren't so good at writing letters small and neatly it doesn't necessarily have ANYthing to do with their intellect or ability to learn. I have a very bright 3rd grade boy (he'll be 9 in May) who still writes like you described. I'm not alarmed at all. I don't think he's going to write like that when he's 14 ;).

 

I think you need to be very careful not to damage his self-esteem by comparing him to others. He can be told the truth if he asks (I wouldn't advocate lying to him at ALL), but if there's no reason to bring it up, I would not sit him down and tell him he's doing 2nd grade work, or that other kids are "ahead" or "doing better" than him.

 

If you don't guard his self-esteem right now, depending on his personality, you could risk making him such a self-conscious person who lacks any confidence that learning will be MORE difficult for him solely because of emotional issues rather than anything having to do with his ability to learn. You don't want to do that.

 

There's no reason that I know of to tell him unless he asks point-blank. Then I wouldn't lie, but I wouldn't give any more information than he requires. He's a little kid. He's probably bright, but he has had problems with his vision, it'll take some time to get back on track.

 

My advice is: give it time, give him confidence, keep him in the same grade officially, give him whatever level work he needs.

 

:grouphug:

[CatholicMom]

Oh, I just saw your recent reply. I agree with your husband! If there's no state-requirement for you to pick and report as an official "grade," you don't even need one! What's the point, ya know? I'm sure that 7 yrs as a PS teacher will beat the grade-level-mentality into you (and most of us who went to public school tend toward thinking that way), but with homeschooling, if the state doesn't require you to report your child as in a certain grade, it is literally meaningless. Tons of homeschooled kids are "ahead" in something, "struggling" with something else. Kids have strengths, weaknesses, and develop at different rates. The great thing about homeschooling is they don't have to conform to what everyone else is doing. He needs what he needs... not to know how he compares, ya know?

 

Great news about Fablehaven!! :hurray:

[Cosmos]

He'd only be going into 3rd grade this coming Sept here, if he's currently 8 and turning 9 this summer. Am I misunderstanding? Did he start K when he was barely 4?

 

If he was 8 in 3rd, that would have made him 5 in K. My ds has a summer birthday and was 8 in third grade --

 

K -- age 5

1 -- age 6

2 -- age 7

3 -- age 8

4 -- age 9

 

and so on.

[PeterPan]

Creekmom, I read a bit more in your thread. I HATE to disagree with a dh, but sometimes it's important to. Sometimes they aren't totally clued into everything, because they have other things on their plate. When you have a composite picture of a dc who's behind *across the board* and social situations (sunday school or sports) where grade is used to place him, it DOES matter. We had a funny moment last year with my dd asking me what grade she was, because, like your dh says, we've never made a big issue of it. Don't make a big issue of it *with him*. But the fact is it's still being used to place him for camp, ss, etc. etc., and there has to be an answer. And the answer is that he goes with his *agemates* or the place he fits best *academically*, depending which is more important.

 

So right now he's behind academically and being placed in settings with kids who are redshirted and a solid year older. That's totally nuts. At BEST he needs to be in with his agemates. And if in your state that means calling him a grade down, call him a grade down.

 

Reason #1 though to get this dealt with now? If he's really not ready to be called 3rd grade this year, if he really would have fit in 2nd better, then he has been BEARING A LOAD all year he wasn't developmentally ready for. VT is NOT going to solve everything. You're still going to have a kid who is where he is. And if you change that bar and put it back at 2nd grade, how does he look? Seriously. If you gave him a standardized test this May for 2nd grade, would he be strong or at least average? Do that. If you did it last year, pick a different company. It's time to get him in a level that fits his reality. Grade levels help you as a homeschooler know the bar, and right now he's reaching for a bar he *can't reach*. That's not fair. And changing that grade level helps *you* know where the bar is. Sure we talk about teaching kids at their level, but the reality is we are cognisant of where our kids are, where they diverge up or down on a few things, and whether they're basically on target with the rest. When a dc is consistently behind, across the board, in spite of working really hard, and it's to the point where he just feels STUPID, it's time to ask if he's reaching for the right bar, kwim? Sure there can be points where he's stronger or weaker, but in general it ought to be a good fit. Right now it's not a good fit.

 

My dd went through a stage where she felt dumb, but it was in one subject. She's on the young end of her grade (spring birthday) and I accommodated for that too. But once it's that pervasive, it's time to ask if he's reaching for the right bar. That grade change gets him standards for you that are more in keeping with his developmental reality. You need that. And yes he needs that. Boys are keenly aware of their future and their potential and how they're shaping up. My ds3 asks me, with a worried look, what he's going to be when he grows up. They WANT to succeed, and you want to put him in a paradigm where he *is* succeeding. Tell him you're adjusting to put him in with age and that if he happens to be a later bloomer (some kids are) he can skip a grade later and graduate early.

 

The pain now is worth it in the long run. This issue has hit people on the SN board. Shari had posts on it. Onelmichele had posts on it. Probably others have too. Start a thread or search for their comments to see how they handled it.

[Crimson Wife]

I would call it "transition" and explain that different kids work at different paces. It is very, very common for fall birthday kids (especially boys) who start K at not-quite-5 to need a transition year at some point. Many of the classroom-based schools in my area actually have a formal transition class between K & 1, 5 & 6, or 8 & 9.

 

My DS was ready to begin K at not-quite-5 because he was reading but he wasn't quite ready to move on to 1st last August at not-quite-6, so he is doing "transition" this year. For the purposes of our cover school, he is repeating K but we continued on where he was so it isn't exactly a grade repeat. It's been more like a hybrid of 2nd semester K and 1st semester of 1st.

[PeterPan]

I would call it "transition" and explain that different kids work at different paces. It is very, very common for fall birthday kids (especially boys) who start K at not-quite-5 to need a transition year at some point. Many of the classroom-based schools in my area actually have a formal transition class between K & 1, 5 & 6, or 8 & 9.

 

Ooo, that's SLICK! Good thinking, love it!!!

[creekmom]

Creekmom, I read a bit more in your thread. I HATE to disagree with a dh, but sometimes it's important to. Sometimes they aren't totally clued into everything, because they have other things on their plate. When you have a composite picture of a dc who's behind *across the board* and social situations (sunday school or sports) where grade is used to place him, it DOES matter. We had a funny moment last year with my dd asking me what grade she was, because, like your dh says, we've never made a big issue of it. Don't make a big issue of it *with him*. But the fact is it's still being used to place him for camp, ss, etc. etc., and there has to be an answer. And the answer is that he goes with his *agemates* or the place he fits best *academically*, depending which is more important.

 

So right now he's behind academically and being placed in settings with kids who are redshirted and a solid year older. That's totally nuts. At BEST he needs to be in with his agemates. And if in your state that means calling him a grade down, call him a grade down.

 

Reason #1 though to get this dealt with now? If he's really not ready to be called 3rd grade this year, if he really would have fit in 2nd better, then he has been BEARING A LOAD all year he wasn't developmentally ready for. VT is NOT going to solve everything. You're still going to have a kid who is where he is. And if you change that bar and put it back at 2nd grade, how does he look? Seriously. If you gave him a standardized test this May for 2nd grade, would he be strong or at least average? Do that. If you did it last year, pick a different company. It's time to get him in a level that fits his reality. Grade levels help you as a homeschooler know the bar, and right now he's reaching for a bar he *can't reach*. That's not fair. And changing that grade level helps *you* know where the bar is. Sure we talk about teaching kids at their level, but the reality is we are cognisant of where our kids are, where they diverge up or down on a few things, and whether they're basically on target with the rest. When a dc is consistently behind, across the board, in spite of working really hard, and it's to the point where he just feels STUPID, it's time to ask if he's reaching for the right bar, kwim? Sure there can be points where he's stronger or weaker, but in general it ought to be a good fit. Right now it's not a good fit.

 

My dd went through a stage where she felt dumb, but it was in one subject. She's on the young end of her grade (spring birthday) and I accommodated for that too. But once it's that pervasive, it's time to ask if he's reaching for the right bar. That grade change gets him standards for you that are more in keeping with his developmental reality. You need that. And yes he needs that. Boys are keenly aware of their future and their potential and how they're shaping up. My ds3 asks me, with a worried look, what he's going to be when he grows up. They WANT to succeed, and you want to put him in a paradigm where he *is* succeeding. Tell him you're adjusting to put him in with age and that if he happens to be a later bloomer (some kids are) he can skip a grade later and graduate early.

 

The pain now is worth it in the long run. This issue has hit people on the SN board. Shari had posts on it. Onelmichele had posts on it. Probably others have too. Start a thread or search for their comments to see how they handled it.

 

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I totally understand what you're saying - if I move him into 4th next year, he'll start sinking. He wasn't truly in 3rd this year! I wish I would have waited a year before I put him in kindergarten, but there's nothing I can do about that now. I don't think this would be so difficult if he were the youngest, but he already has a strained relationship with his younger sister because she is so bright (in his mind she should be waaayyyy behind him academically). He sees that she reads as well as he does (better, actually), and I can see how painful it is for him.

I like your idea to test him. I think that will give me a really good idea where he is academically. All year when I got discouraged, I kept reminding myself that it's OK if we take 2 years to do 3rd grade. I like Crimson Wife's suggestion to do a transition year!

[PeterPan]

Just as a suggestion, you probably know this, but it might be a good thing to find something he's GOOD at and put some energy there. Gotta balance out the bad vibes. Could be making birdhouses or being the man of the house with trash or ANYTHING.

[Tidbits of Learning]

I would be honest and talk it through with him explaining that b/c of the vision issues that he needed to go through 3rd grade work this year. Red-shirting is really prevalent in our area. I put my kids in groups that are based by grades with respect to the ages of the kids. Most kids are 6 in kindergarten here so my youngest who turned 5 during the school year and did kindergarten this year stayed in the preschool class at Sunday School. In the long run, it will work out better for him.

I would just be honest with my child and I wouldn't try to keep his grade level work from him by tearing covers off of things. I think it is better to explain to children that sometimes others are better at certain subjects and that we all have our strengths. Since you have sought help for the vision issues, I am sure you will see a jump in progress with your son. I wouldn't stress the grade level and would just tell him that he needs a bridge 3rd grade year to bridge some gaps that were caused by the vision issue and that you can reassess the grade level and church classes each year as he bridges the gap.

[momto2Cs]

That's my homeschool philosophy. "Are we where we are yet?" ....Well, yes. We are.

 

I love this!

 

To the OP, I am no longer assigning my kids grade levels because they are all over the place. However, for outside activities, I will say they are in x grade... whatever grade they would be in by age if they were in ps.

[momto2Cs]

I would call it "transition" and explain that different kids work at different paces. It is very, very common for fall birthday kids (especially boys) who start K at not-quite-5 to need a transition year at some point. Many of the classroom-based schools in my area actually have a formal transition class between K & 1, 5 & 6, or 8 & 9.

 

My DS was ready to begin K at not-quite-5 because he was reading but he wasn't quite ready to move on to 1st last August at not-quite-6, so he is doing "transition" this year. For the purposes of our cover school, he is repeating K but we continued on where he was so it isn't exactly a grade repeat. It's been more like a hybrid of 2nd semester K and 1st semester of 1st.

 

I really like this idea too! Doe to reading late, and delays that has caused elsewhere, I think I might give dd9 a transition 3rd/4th grade.

[Walking-Iris]

I really like this idea too! Doe to reading late, and delays that has caused elsewhere, I think I might give dd9 a transition 3rd/4th grade.

 

Doesn't Ambleside have transition years? I like the idea too. But I can see myself only thinking along those lines for certain subjects. Which really still translates into doing the work that is based on ability more than age/grade. Although I've found this thread interesting because I have 2 summer kids. My oldest would have been K4 if he had been in public school. He's a winter birthday so I didn't officially consider him K until he was 5/6 so he could be 6/7 in 1st. My other children though would be young 7's in 2nd. I've never given it much thought, but is this really as problematic as some imply? From a developmental standpoint?

[PeterPan]

Walking-Iris, just depends on the kid. My ds has verbal apraxia (and who knows what else down the road), so I'm in no rush to have him on the upper end of his grade option. He really needs to be down. But when you have super-bright kids who are thriving well on that upper grade, that's fine. You just have to look at your kid. We put my ds into Awanas where he fit by age technically, and he totally shut down. We're going to try again in the fall, with him a year older but the same class, and hopefully it will work a lot better.

 

My brother was like that, the oldest in his class because of a fall birthday. We can be so flexible with teaching them up at their level while giving them time to blossom and mature, it's just a win-win. I figure I can always graduate him (ds) a year early if it looks nuts to keep him home. It's just really hard at a later age to realize you made a mistake and want to hold him an extra year and can't. :(

[momto3innc]

You've had great responses already...one thought about the younger sibling. I know this might be a pain, but I would consider having them in different curriculum. I think it could help a bit with comparisons. I know he would still see her reading well and such, but it may help if they're just doing different things. I would hate to hold her back to not bother him but I'd also hate for him to see her doing the same book as him if it reached that point.

Just a thought.

[Crimson Wife]

I've never given it much thought, but is this really as problematic as some imply? From a developmental standpoint?

 

IMHO it really varies with the individual child. My DD is a fall birthday kiddo as well but is a lot more mature for any given age than her younger brother. She tends to get along better with children who are slightly older than her, whereas DS tends to get along better with children who are slightly younger than him. He needed the extra "transition" year between K & 1st while she did not. I'm not opposed to doing a "transition" year with her at some point if she needs one but so far she hasn't.

[tiffanieh]

I have to agree with OhElizabeth. FWIW, here's my story.

 

My DS2 is 21 months behind his older brother. He has an August birthday. When I started to HS DS1 for his 1st grade year, DS2 JUST turned 5. I decided to start K with him, even though had he started at the private school I would have done TK (Transition Kindergarten) with him and not started his official K year until he was 6. But since we were homeschooling, we just went forward. Fast forward to his 2nd grade year...we were still plugging along, 2nd grade is still fairly "easy" especially when you are homeschooled and you aren't required to do a lot of the "busy work" that you often have to do at school. Well DS2 wanted to go into "real" school mid way thru his 2nd grade year. The school he wanted was a very rigorous fast paced academic school and I knew he would NOT be ready for the rigor their 2nd graders were doing. We told him that he could go, but we were going to put him in at the grade he would have been had he started there from the beginning. That meant going in as a midway thru 1st grader. He was fine with it.

 

He went in January and did GREAT. He's subsequently come back home and I'm SOOOO glad that we righted his "grade" when we did. As you get higher up it just becomes more and more work, and the fine motor skills and endurance needed with lots of handwriting would have been too much for him. I would have always felt stressed had we been a level higher. It's given me a year to breath and not feel so stressed. Now I know he is at a level where he can really shine instead of always feeling not good enough.

[creekmom]

I just wanted to update you.

 

I explained my concerns to dh and shared some of what you all said. He agreed that we should "hold him back" and make him aware of our decision. Tonight, he asked our son, "How would you like to have a little easier school year next year?" His eyes got real big and ds said, "Sure!!". Then I said that next year he'll have a "transition year" (thank you Crimson Wife) and that we'll hold off doing 4th grade -which is a very challenging year with lots of work - until the year after next. I told him that we'll be working on a lot of the same stuff next year that we did this year, so it will be a little easier than going to 4th. I also said that a lot of boys are 10 when they go to 4th - this way he would be one of the oldest in his class instead of one of the youngest in the class. What got the best reaction from him was when I warned him to NOT go bragging to his siblings that he gets a transition year next year... :D

[PeterPan]

Congratulations!!! The talk sounds like it went very well!!! What a relief for ALL of you!!! :)

[sweetpea3829]

So glad that he took it well! It sounds like you did a great job explaining it to him and preserving his ego in the meantime.

 

We have a somewhat similar situation, in that my oldest is a struggling learner and her younger brother (by 11 months) is accelerated. She's going to be repeating Kindergarten math, and he's sailing through 1st grade math.

 

For now, we just don't talk about grade levels. If it becomes an issue, we'll explain to her that she's doing the work she's ready to do, and so is he. That her work is designed for her (and it is) and that his work is designed for him.

 

"Grade-level" isn't really talked about here...but they are very young still, so I don't know if they will pick up on that as they grow older.

 

I like the way you guys handled it...I think that went well.

[ElizabethB]

What got the best reaction from him was when I warned him to NOT go bragging to his siblings that he gets a transition year next year... :D

 

How sneaky! And great!!

 

I had no advice but was praying for you.

 

I have a friend here whose daughter is going through my phonics lessons after completing vision therapy and she is doing very well with them now that her vision is fixed.