Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) I'm so excited to see our baby tomorrow! I just know he's a boy and just want to see him and verify that he's okay- I want to start calling him Ben already. :D Annnnnddd....(eta. the reason I'm sharing with internet strangers is I don't have anyone in my life who I feel I can talk to about this. I come from a full quiver background and most of my good friends are of this conviction...not that they're all hardnosed, it's just that they can't relate and sometimes I get that if only I managed things better, am I really THAT sick, etc. vibe. :/ I am so thrilled with our little/big surprise and honestly had felt that there was someone missing in our family, but it has confirmed 10 times over the reason we were avoiding. This preg. has been so hard physically (chronic illnesses) and as a result of this preg/illness combo, home life is just way too hard. Parenting, homeschooling, housekeeping-I can't keep up/barely keeping my head above water and though all of us are thrilled about baby, it's just not fair to everyone involved. Personally, I'm feeling less than human and I'm feeling a strong content/done feeling now. So, since we are NFP failures to the max, I'm thinking we probably need something permanent. My hormones all already messed up, so I'm thinking I shouldn't mess anymore with my body, so it's up to dh. I know nothing about vasectomies...probably should start googling, lol. The main this is, I really want to make this decision with a clear consience before God and knowing that it is pleasing to him...dh is willing and understanding-but struggling a bit in the same respects, as well. if you have a sec. and would like to give me a little vasectomy pep talk or otherwise, feel free, lol. Mostly, just asking for prayer as I know God has been faithful to speak clearly through all the noise, confusion, opinions, my thoughts and the thoughts of others when I've laid it all out and asked to hear Him, trusting for his wisdom. Thanks. Edited April 26, 2012 by JENinOR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 :grouphug: No advice, but I will be praying for peace for you. I will be checking back to find out if it's a boy or girl.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 I also had a chronic illness for five years, including having a baby during that time. We were attending a church that pushed full-quiver. We ultimately decided to permanently not have any more babies for my health's sake. I was just starting to get better and the treatments helping were not compatible with being pregnant. Also, pregnancy and birth is what triggered this whole mess. Now that I am fully functionally (but not fully recovered yet), I know we made the right choice. My kids, especially my oldest, need a mom that can be active, exercise with them, and drive them around. Having any more would have ruined my progress and made things more difficult with my oldest. (He needs to be kept very busy and active or else he starts to have a bad attitude.) We are no longer at that church, but slowly some of the families have decided to use NFP or contraception, at least for a few years. Unfortunately, the families that made these choices waited several years too late. I truly think that if these women had spaced their babies out twice as far, or stopped after 3-4 instead of 5-7, they would be much healthier. They probably thought they were doing the "godly" thing by suffering and not being like those "worldly" people who are "too selfish" to risk ruining a mother's health. I ran into one of these women at the store the other day. She clearly needs help around the house and more aggressive medical treatment. Unfortunately, since almost everyone else at that church is busy with their large quivers, they are probably too busy to help her. Some of the men remind me of the Pharisees Jesus spoke about who burden people with heavy loads they refuse to help with. These same men did nothing to help me, or even encourage others to email or send a card when I was on bedrest for 9 weeks. I guess my point it, while others may pressure you to have more kids, they won't be the ones dealing with any negative consequences that come from having more. If you can't handle or don't want more, that's fine. If God truly, truly wants you to wait on anything permanent, it is up to him to tell you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 I will also repeat the suggestion of many here. Consider waiting on anything permanent until your baby is one. Use two methods of contraception if you want. This will give you more time to sort everything out and clear your head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 So, how does your husband feel about it? :001_smile: I will tell you my story. I had two difficult pregnancies and after the second one, my husband thought we ought to think about stopping. We also come from a large-family background (not QF), and I had always expected to have more like 4-6 kids. I was not thrilled with the idea of stopping, and in my prayers about it I pretty much said that I wanted more kids, but if that was the plan, I'd try to go along with it, but I was hating it and I needed some help. One morning I woke up with my desire for children gone. It's never come back. It took over a year to get used to it, it was so weird. But we have always been at peace with our decision (youngest is now 9) and I truly feel that such an enormous change of heart came directly from God. My husband did get snipped and he did it with no qualms, feeling that it was fine. IMO God has individual plans for us. Maybe 6 is the plan for you. If you're feeling that contented feeling, that might be your answer, but hey--prayer is good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CLBMom Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 Dh and I had a ds5 and dd2 and dh felt that our family was complete. I agreed with him but had this nagging guilt. I was on the pill but we found out the day before my dhs vasectomy that I was pg. Obviously God had one more angel to send us. Ds#2 is 4 now and we couldn't imagine life without him. He is actually closer to dh then any of the kids were at this age. Dh did have the vasectomy done but put it off till I was 38 Weeks pg. That was a sight, me huge and pg taking dh in for that lol Dh said he waited till then so both of us would be on a no TeA restriction at the same time :tongue_smilie: I say listen to your heart. God was speaking to me through mine and I didn't listen. I felt peace as soon as I got over the shock of DC#3 and have felt that way ever since. God speaks to our heart, we just need to listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted April 26, 2012 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) listening, pondering, taking your experiences and thoughts in. Thank you. Dangermom, my dh wants me to research, be in touch with my thoughts/feelings on the matter, and seek counsel and God-so will he. He has let me know though that he's willing and open. We'll come to this decision together. Edited April 26, 2012 by JENinOR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcelmer Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 I will also repeat the suggestion of many here. Consider waiting on anything permanent until your baby is one. Use two methods of contraception if you want. This will give you more time to sort everything out and clear your head. :iagree: I've met a couple people who had permanent measures done just after birth, and regretted it later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) listening, pondering, taking your experiences and thoughts in. Thank you. Dangermom, my dh wants me to research, be in touch with my thoughts/feelings on the matter, and seek counsel and God-so will he. He has let me know though that he's willing and open. We'll come to this decision together. It sounds like you're handling this sensibly. Take your time to make a decision, and remember that if both of you aren't 100% in agreement, "no decision" is better than the "wrong decision." There are many non-permanent forms of contraception you can use while you're thinking things over. BTW, this is not a decision to consider while you're pg, hormonal, and feeling sick. :grouphug: Edited April 26, 2012 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted April 26, 2012 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 :iagree: I've met a couple people who had permanent measures done just after birth, and regretted it later. This is good advice. The problem is that I developed a condom allergy a year or so ago (alll condoms-due to my immune system) and i'm concerned about hormonal bc because the hormonal system is such a delicate balance and mine is already whacked. :/ We keep getting pregnant with NFP, usually right as we start making health progress. We're those ppl who regretted it very sick? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted April 26, 2012 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) It sounds like you're handling this sensibly. Take your time to make a decision, and remember that if both of you aren't 100% in agreement, "no decision" is better than the "wrong decision." There are many non-permanent forms of contraception you can use while you're thinking things over. BTW, this is not a decision to consider while you're pg, hormonal, and feeling sick. :grouphug: You're right! I probably should just put the bc issue aside for a bit. I usually have at least a year of no cycles due to nursing, so that would give us time. We are focusing on and enjoying this baby and pregnancy! It's just so hard though (eta. I hate to sound dramatic, but that is a bit of an understatement), that the bc thing weighs heavily on my mind at times. Edited April 26, 2012 by JENinOR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted April 26, 2012 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 :grouphug: No advice, but I will be praying for peace for you. I will be checking back to find out if it's a boy or girl.:) Thank you and l will let you know! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 Not sure that I would advise to get one. Have you checked out Ladycomp? It's more effective than BC pills, without the side effects.... There are some health risks with Vasectomies :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted April 26, 2012 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) Not sure that I would advise to get one. Have you checked out Ladycomp? It's more effective than BC pills, without the side effects.... There are some health risks with Vasectomies :( I will look into ladycomp. I don't think I've ever heard of it. I do need to research vasectomies and I have heard of a few things here or there like it can affect a man's immune system. Dh and I did joke that he could get it reversed after menopause, if that that's true, lol! Honestly, really truly, IF I ever get better, I would love to have more children. but, the thought of another pregnancy/birth/infant/nursing until then just makes me want to burst into tears. :( I'm really thinking I would be so happy and thankful with the children I have though, too, if we think it's best to go the more permanent route. Edited April 26, 2012 by JENinOR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 IF you are not 100 % certain then I would definitely wait. When we just had our oldest boys, I definitely was not content but DH was. One day (the day before both SILs ultrasounds to find out the sex of our future nephews) we decided to try. We were jealous that my SILs would probably both have girls and we really wanted a girl at that moment. So, that one day, we tried for another child. The next morning, we woke up to two wild toddlers and looked at each other and said NO WAY, what were we thinking.... Needless to say, we were expecting after that one try. And then found out it was twins :lol: Anyway, I don't regret my girls. They are such a blessing. I also have no guilt issues with having a tubal ligation after their birth. I am 100%, no ounce or even hint of baby fever when I hold other babies. I believe God gives us technology and intelligence for a purpose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 Just wanted to give you a :grouphug: as you pray through this decision. P.S. I think ladycomp might not be that helpful if NFP did not work for you, just my 2 cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 How about an IUD? They come either with the small-amount-of-hormones type, or the copper type. People I know have been very happy with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted April 26, 2012 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) How about an IUD? They come either with the small-amount-of-hormones type, or the copper type. People I know have been very happy with them. Thank you. I have looked into these some and there are such mixed reviews out there and stories of surprise pregnancies! I'm really nervous about doing even a low dose bc for health reason. maybe unnecessarily so. :/ I'm trying to balance my hormones (along with my ND) and rebuild my health and bc can cause nutritional def. from what I've read. I'm doing so much better than I was a few years ago (but still sick, but I was really, really sick-but I'm older now so it probably evens out, lol, I'm 35) and I'm so scared to go back to that place. You no, now that I think about it, pregnancy is probably much harder on my hormones and nutritional status than bc would ever be? :/ eta. Alright, I'm not making sense now and should call it a night, lol. My US is 45 minutes away and in the morning, too! Thank you ladies. <3 Edited April 26, 2012 by JENinOR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 I will also repeat the suggestion of many here. Consider waiting on anything permanent until your baby is one. Use two methods of contraception if you want. This will give you more time to sort everything out and clear your head. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 So??? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyobu Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 So??? :D My thoughts exactly!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyGrace Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 :bigear: I just wanted to also say that when the time did come that we knew we were done, vasectomy was a wonderful choice for us!! No problem for dh, and no hormones, etc for me. Now that I'm in my 40s (and dh is in his 50s) it is a blessing that we can enjoy each other and not have to worry about getting pregnant. Praying the Lord will bring you clarity of His will for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 won't keep the ultrasound shot up long because it has my name on it, tried to edit but can't figure it out-long day but an oh so happy one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 :001_wub: YAHOO!!!! Your boys look so excited! Congratulations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Congratulations! :party: Do you get a shower? :lol: Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Just thinking of recent threads. If I lived near you I would give you a pretty, pink, baby shower. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Yay! She'll have lots of big brothers to watch over her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyGrace Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Congratulations!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy for you! Your boys are adorable and look happy too; she will be spoiled like a little princess by them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 Congratulations! :party: Do you get a shower? :lol: Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Just thinking of recent threads. If I lived near you I would give you a pretty, pink, baby shower. Awww, you're so sweet! I haven't even thought about that! I haven't had one since my first, but maybe since it's a girl someone will want to. It would be really fun. Thank you all so much for the warm congrats. We are so thankful and blessed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Congrats! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 :party::party::party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFwife Claire Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 So fun!! Our 5th child was also our first girl, and her big brothers have been absolutely wonderful! I'm so excited for you all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Yay! :hurray: You will have so much fun with the pink, dainty girl clothes! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 YAY!!!!!!! Yes, this is either a sign that you can stop since you now have a girl... or a sign that you have to have at least one more so she won't be the only girl. :lol: So is it going to be Benjamina now? :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyobu Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 So is it going to be Benjamina now? :tongue_smilie: :lol::lol: Congratulations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 :001_wub: Congratulations! :D I just love sonogram pics! On the other issue, I'd wait a little and pray a lot until you and your dh are completely on the same page. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 :hurray: Yeah! I'm so excited that you get to have a girl!! Sooo.....what do you think you will call her since it probably won't be Ben. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 :001_wub: Congrats! We are having a boy after five girls and they had a similar reaction to your boys'. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3boysmama Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Hi! I have not read all of the responses, but wanted to just share our personal experience. :001_smile: My dh had a vasectomy when I was preggo with our 3rd son (almost 10 years ago). I regretted it very soon after. My dh also had a some complications with his vasectomy. He ended up with epididymitis (sp?), which was very painful for him and bothered him for YEARS. He also got a sperm granuloma from it; which is a hard lump on his testicles that formed where the sperm built up at the disconnected spot. Anyway, needless to say, dh regretted it too. Not just because of the complications, but because he wanted more too. He got a reversal 15 months ago, and it has fixed all of the pain and lump issues, but we haven't gotten pregnant yet. So, please think hard about it. Do your research, and know that there can be complications. It's not an easy decision. I'll pray that God shows you His way! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 YAY!!!!!!! Yes, this is either a sign that you can stop since you now have a girl... or a sign that you have to have at least one more so she won't be the only girl. :lol: So is it going to be Benjamina now? :tongue_smilie: :lol: to both! on the way to the ultrasound my dh was joking with our boys that if it's a girl we're going to name her Benjaminette. DS2's reaction made us lol. He didn't like that so much. Winnie Jane is her name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Aww, how sweet! Congrats! And wow, you have some handsome boys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova147 Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Congratulations! Little girls are so fun! :D What kind of NFP have you been using? Maybe another model might be helpful. I'm not too familiar with full-quiver ideas, but as a Catholic, I've got the no birth control thing covered! And we have had a tough time with NFP as well. I am, thankfully, fairly healthy, but when I got pregnant with my youngest, I was so angry with God. I felt like I was already doing more than I could, and He thought I should have another! Of course, we love our little guy so much! Don't try to decide now. Do your research. Bookmark some sites. Come back to it when your hormones settle down. God bless your family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katnorman Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Congtatulations!! We have 3 girls and 1 boy :) We actually just went for my husband to get his vasectomy and the urologist wouldn't do it. My husband has had epidimitis for the past 5 years and the doctor was worried that it would get worse, then have to have a reversal, if that didn't work, we were looking at testicles removal:001_huh: We weren't willing to let it go that far, so we're not sure what to do yet. We have had 4 kids and 1 miscarriage in just under 7 years. I agree with other posters that you should wait until after the baby is born before any decisions are made. Good luck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy in Ky Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Awwww--how fun for you! yay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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