Renee in NC Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Dh was accused of racism by another employee last week. This is not the first time, either. :glare: Where he works is 99% black/hispanic. He and another white guy were working together putting a snow plow on and a Hispanic worker started screaming at them that they thought he was just a "dumb Mexican" and it went downhill from there. Dh said that he didn't purposely *not* ask the guy to help with what they were doing, but he and the other guy were just doing it. Dh is not racist, but he can't win here. He feels that *he* is being held to a different standard than everyone else because he is white. It's been one problem after another after another. There is a supervisor who has been stirring up trouble for dh from the beginning (he almost got him fired, but two other supervisors stepped in and overruled him.) Anything he says or does is "racist" despite his actual feelings/actions. I guess he is guilty of racism simply because he is white.:001_huh: Because of the nature of the comments and what was said, it is my feeling that someone is stirring up trouble where none exists. The "dumb Mexican" comment didn't just come out of thin air. There are a lot of race issues in this area. One worker even told the new director that "this place was fine until all these white people started working here.":001_huh: (If dh had said something similar but substituted another group for white, he would have been fired immediately.) Unfortunately, there is a meeting of the whole section this afternoon, and I am afraid that dh and the one other white guy are going to get piled on. I don't particularly care if he loses his job, but I would care if it's for this reason because it simply isn't true. So prayers and good thoughts would help me not worry about it so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 So sorry, Renee. Durham can be tough in this regard. Did the guy start screaming at your DH simply because he wasn't chosen to help put on the plough? Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I'm sorry Renee. :grouphug: Praying this all works out in your dh's favor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Prayed! :grouphug: I have only been accused of something I did not do once and I still remember those feelings 20 years later. Hoping everything turns out well and that the truth comes out. God Bless, Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug: Sorry Unfortunately, no race has the corner market on dumb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadianmumof5 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Prayers being said here. What an awful situation to be in.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Prayers being said here. What an awful situation to be in.:grouphug: I agree. praying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMA Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Dh was accused of racism by another employee last week. This is not the first time, either. :glare: Where he works is 99% black/hispanic. He and another white guy were working together putting a snow plow on and a Hispanic worker started screaming at them that they thought he was just a "dumb Mexican" and it went downhill from there. Dh said that he didn't purposely *not* ask the guy to help with what they were doing, but he and the other guy were just doing it. Dh is not racist, but he can't win here. He feels that *he* is being held to a different standard than everyone else because he is white. It's been one problem after another after another. There is a supervisor who has been stirring up trouble for dh from the beginning (he almost got him fired, but two other supervisors stepped in and overruled him.) Anything he says or does is "racist" despite his actual feelings/actions. I guess he is guilty of racism simply because he is white.:001_huh: Because of the nature of the comments and what was said, it is my feeling that someone is stirring up trouble where none exists. The "dumb Mexican" comment didn't just come out of thin air. There are a lot of race issues in this area. One worker even told the new director that "this place was fine until all these white people started working here.":001_huh: (If dh had said something similar but substituted another group for white, he would have been fired immediately.) Unfortunately, there is a meeting of the whole section this afternoon, and I am afraid that dh and the one other white guy are going to get piled on. I don't particularly care if he loses his job, but I would care if it's for this reason because it simply isn't true. So prayers and good thoughts would help me not worry about it so much. He needs to list all of the incidents directed at him with times/dates if possible and take it to the EEOC office. Saying things like this can be construed as harassment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 So sorry, Renee. Durham can be tough in this regard. Did the guy start screaming at your DH simply because he wasn't chosen to help put on the plough? Susan As best dh could understand - he said he was absolutely blindsided by it because he had never had a problem with this particular guy (or so he thought.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 He needs to list all of the incidents directed at him with times/dates if possible and take it to the EEOC office. Saying things like this can be construed as harassment. He has been advised to go to HR multiple times and file a "hostile work environment" claim, but he wouldn't do it. He said he had to work with these guys and he felt like going to HR would make things worse. He had a very legitimate claim when the one supervisor targeted him - he purposely did dh's evaluation when dh's supervisor was out (even though it could have waited the 3 days until she was back.) He gave dh an evaluation that was so HORRENDOUS that his direct supervisor had to convince the next level of management not to fire him for it. I did try to warn him, as did others, but he said he can get along with anyone. He's figured out that he can't get along with some people at all.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 He needs to quietly look for another job while he still has this one. Clearly the whole place has turned on him, and while that is unjust, it seems that the supervisors are not dealing with it as they should. He also needs to keep a daily journal--just some quick notes about things that happen and what he does about them. Concurrent notes are the best evidence to put on the table later. If you don't have a date for something, it's almost like it doesn't count. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 He needs to quietly look for another job while he still has this one. Clearly the whole place has turned on him, and while that is unjust, it seems that the supervisors are not dealing with it as they should. He also needs to keep a daily journal--just some quick notes about things that happen and what he does about them. Concurrent notes are the best evidence to put on the table later. If you don't have a date for something, it's almost like it doesn't count. He hoped to stay at this job for a good amount of time. Due to the economy crashing, he has had multiple jobs in the past few years - always for something better (because he was very undermeployed) but "job hopping" isn't going to get him far. This job also pays a salary and has benefits he would never see anywhere else. I will go to work this summer/fall - he wouldn't want to find another job just to leave it again if I got a job somewhere else. It's all very unfortunate, so I hope it works out somehow. His mental well-being isn't good anyway, and this isn't helping that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug: That is a horrible situation, your poor DH. I will be thinking of him and wishing him fairness, justice and peace. Best wishes Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2a&z Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug: Praying :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: This is a tough situation. I agree with documentation. That sounds like a really stressful work environment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug: Praying for you and your dh's situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug:Renee:grouphug: If HR isn't helping, would a call to an attorney help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug:Renee:grouphug: If HR isn't helping, would a call to an attorney help? HR probably would help if he would go to HR. However, one thing he has learned is that no one will back him up. No one. So, it would be his word against everyone else at this point. We'll just have to see what happens. He just texted me that he feels like he is walking into a trap. I would think that the supervisors would know better than to set it up. The meeting *isn't* for everyone, just a couple of supervisors, dh, the other white guy, and the Hispanic co-worker. Thankfully, the supervisor that dh has issues with is *not* included. Maybe they can hash it out. Maybe he will even figure out who is stirring up trouble. Either way, I hope he can convince the other guy that it isn't true and he won't get written up for whatever it is that he supposedly did/said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mycalling Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I'm sorry your dh is experiencing this. Contrary to popular belief, racism against whites is common and worst of all completely tolerated by whites and non-whites alike. My husband has experienced it working in Detroit and Durham during our marriage and it's been tough on him too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Praying :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 HR probably would help if he would go to HR. However, one thing he has learned is that no one will back him up. No one. So, it would be his word against everyone else at this point. We'll just have to see what happens. He just texted me that he feels like he is walking into a trap. I would think that the supervisors would know better than to set it up. The meeting *isn't* for everyone, just a couple of supervisors, dh, the other white guy, and the Hispanic co-worker. Thankfully, the supervisor that dh has issues with is *not* included. Maybe they can hash it out. Maybe he will even figure out who is stirring up trouble. Either way, I hope he can convince the other guy that it isn't true and he won't get written up for whatever it is that he supposedly did/said. Praying, hon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 He needs to list all of the incidents directed at him with times/dates if possible and take it to the EEOC office. Saying things like this can be construed as harassment. Precisely-- your DH is the one being harassed. He needs a legal consultation and fast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne115 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I'm sorry you and your husband are dealing with this. I have personally been affected by racism and it is hard. I taught kindergarten for ten years in a school with mostly African Americans. Many of them didn't want their children in my class just because I was white. Some of them also refused to participate in field trips and other activities. It was very discouraging for me. Best wishes, Suzanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momdm Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 keeping fingures crossed. hope all goes well. But is it worth keeping a job where you are being harassed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 keeping fingures crossed. hope all goes well. But is it worth keeping a job where you are being harassed. It went okay. The guy still insists that my dh and the other guy were being racist, but dh says that they didn't know he needed help. Dh explained what had happened, but it didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Basically, they were struggling with their end, didn't see what was going on with his, and then when they did dh just fixed the problem. That meant he wasn't cooperating.:confused: Whatever the case, one good thing did come from it - dh feels like the 2 supervisors were on his side (one is black and the other is Hispanic.) They kept telling the other guy that dh wasn't racist - that if he were they would know because they work with him all the time. While the racism might not go away, at least someone is on his side. Thanks for the prayers. As far as if it is worth keeping the job - at this point it makes the most sense. We'll see what the future brings, but for now, short of out and out hostility, it is the best option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Great news! Hopefully, if his supervisors stand firm, the troublemakers will give up eventually. I'll keep you all in my thoughts. :grouphug: Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Great news! Hopefully, if his supervisors stand firm, the troublemakers will give up eventually. I'll keep you all in my thoughts. :iagree: FWIW, it sounds to me like your dh's co-workers are the ones who are racist, not your dh. Racism isn't exclusively a "white person vs. other races" issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 praying! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 You know the saying to 'pray for your enemies' really makes a lot of sense. If the life of your enemy gets better, then they will leave you alone. Lara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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