simka2 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 She is 10, and thinks she is old enough to travel with dh and stay in the hotel room while he has his meetings. What are your thoughts? At what age do you think a child could travel with a parent. It would be acceptable for her to be at meals with his coworkers, but she would need to stay at the hotel during meetings. Also, his trips are usually only 2-3 days max at a time and they are usually to rather rural locations (were not talking New York or LA). In dh's line of work it is even somewhat normal for their to be homeschooling single parents employed, because much of what they do is in the field. (so seeing an elementary child at the field offices is not completely unusual) My perspective is off, because I was staying home alone and taking care of myself quite a bit by the time I was 10. What says the Hive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 It depends. How long do his meetings usually last? Would she be alone in the room for 1 to 2 hours at a time? for 8 hours at a time? Is your husband reachable during his meetings if there's a problem? Will she need to eat lunch on her own or order room service? Will this be a nice hotel where she could call the front desk if there's a problem? Where there isn't direct access to outside from the room? Why does she want to go? Will there be activities going on that she can do while dh is in meetings? How will she amuse herself during his meetings? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I would say yes if the meetings were at the hotel. If he has to leave her at the hotel I wouldn't feel as comfortable. If she could go to the meeting location and stay in the meeting room or one nearby reading/doing schoolwork/playing then I would say yes. DD travels with us a lot and does that sort of thing while we're in meetings. This probably isn't available in a rural area but some nicer hotels have professional sitters available. I've never used the service but it's been available when we've traveled for several large meetings that were in resort type places. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 What's he doing during his meetings and how long are they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 All of the above are great questions! Plus, you know your daughter. Some 10 year olds are way more ready for that kind of responsibility and some aren't. Is yours? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Depends on a child. I wouldn't have a problem letting my almost 10 yo DD to go on such a trip. She is responsible and mature and would really enjoy it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 It depends. How long do his meetings usually last? Would she be alone in the room for 1 to 2 hours at a time? for 8 hours at a time? 1-2hrs at a time. She could potentially be at the field office during some of them and most of the time he is reachable. Is your husband reachable during his meetings if there's a problem? Will she need to eat lunch on her own or order room service? She would be with him for all meals. Otherwise, I do not think I would even consider this. Will this be a nice hotel where she could call the front desk if there's a problem? Where there isn't direct access to outside from the room? Yes. Why does she want to go? Will there be activities going on that she can do while dh is in meetings? How will she amuse herself during his meetings? I think she is just enamored with the idea of flying somewhere with him. She would still be doing schoolwork/reading while she was with him. We chose to pursue this career field, because even though there was a good amount of travel and potential for relocation, it can also be rather family friendly in other ways. I am struggling with the fact that she is 10, and that seems too young. Another part of me wonders if it really is. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegGuheert Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I would not do that with a 10yo regardless of how mature they are. If anything would happen to the child while the parent is away, whether or not it was their fault, that would be very difficult to deal with. I would also think you might find yourself brought up on child abandonment charges if something did happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 What's he doing during his meetings and how long are they? Mostly they are a couple hours at a time. Sometimes he has to drive to different locations, but she would just have to remain in the car as they view different sites and locations. Other times he is meeting with government officials and she would probably have to stay at the hotel for those. All of the above are great questions! Plus, you know your daughter. Some 10 year olds are way more ready for that kind of responsibility and some aren't. Is yours? Yes she is. I am not ready :tongue_smilie:. Depends on a child. I wouldn't have a problem letting my almost 10 yo DD to go on such a trip. She is responsible and mature and would really enjoy it. Ugggghhhh, I just wanted everyone to say, "No, she is way to young!!!" :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 With all of that, yes, I'd let her. 1-2 hours alone at 10 is probably a dream come true for her-as is having daddy all to herself and getting to eat meals with him. I think it will be something wonderful that they do together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DusksAngel Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 It sounds like a lot of fun for her, something of an adventure. I know at that age, I loved being allowed to stay by myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 I would not do that with a 10yo regardless of how mature they are. If anything would happen to the child while the parent is away, whether or not it was their fault, that would be very difficult to deal with. I would also think you might find yourself brought up on child abandonment charges if something did happen. This is what I wondered about. At what age would it NOT be child abandonment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrogMom5 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I wouldn't do it. Maybe I'm paranoid but I can think of too many things that could go wrong. If she really wants to go, can you go too? If not, I'd make her wait until she is older. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegGuheert Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 This is what I wondered about. At what age would it NOT be child abandonment?I don't know the answer to that, but we've always felt that 12 is an age where it's acceptable to leave a child alone at home. Leaving a child alone in a hotel room is an entirely different matter, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I would not do that with a 10yo regardless of how mature they are. If anything would happen to the child while the parent is away, whether or not it was their fault, that would be very difficult to deal with. I would also think you might find yourself brought up on child abandonment charges if something did happen. :iagree: If she would have to be left at the hotel when he leaves to go to meetings I wouldn't do it. There are too many things that could go wrong even if she's mature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 This is what I wondered about. At what age would it NOT be child abandonment? You have to check with your state. NJ has no laws on it, they leave it to the parent to decide on the maturity of the child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegGuheert Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 You have to check with your state. NJ has no laws on it, they leave it to the parent to decide on the maturity of the child.If there are no laws and something happened, I think it is more accurate to say that they will leave that up to the social worker that gets called in to investigate the case and then up to the courts to decide who is right and whether or not you get to keep your children. I wish it were not like that, but I believe that it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Personally, I think it would be fine. You might want to check the laws of the state and make sure they don't have rules about how old you have to be to be left alone. But, I think it could be a great experience for her. Flying on an airplane, adventure of being alone for a bit, having Daddy to herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Given what you described, if she was a fairly mature child, I would probably allow it. I would call the hotel ahead of time and find out what their policy is on children alone in the room with the parent on the premises. It's possible they won't allow it and you want to make sure she can call the front desk if there is a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 You have to check with your state. NJ has no laws on it, they leave it to the parent to decide on the maturity of the child. We have no laws on it either. I did read about neglectful supervision, but that basically means you knowing put them in a situation where sexual abuse is likely to happen. Dh and I will have to do some further discussion. I am hoping that he may have trip that would involve more field office meetings than Government hearings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegGuheert Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 ...with the parent on the premises.I missed this part. Will the father be on the hotel premises the whole time she is alone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 If there are no laws and something happened, I think it is more accurate to say that they will leave that up to the social worker that gets called in to investigate the case and then up to the courts to decide who is right and whether or not you get to keep your children. I wish it were not like that, but I believe that it is. I think that's a bit hyperbolic. I was left alone at that age. I was babysitting other people's kids alone for hours at that age. Girls here get CPR certified here at that age and can have it for their 'babysitter' license. If they can take a CPR class and babysit without legally (they don't HAVE to have the license) I think a kid can stay two hours alone at a hotel. If I were that age I'd be taking a great bath and watching movies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quad Shot Academy Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 If there are no laws and something happened, I think it is more accurate to say that they will leave that up to the social worker that gets called in to investigate the case and then up to the courts to decide who is right and whether or not you get to keep your children. I wish it were not like that, but I believe that it is. :iagree: I think in states that do not have clear cut laws, age 11 is the standard for staying home alone, with no siblings. 12 is for staying home alone and watching siblings and 13 is for babysitting other people's children. I would think 13 would be the age where social services would not get involved if something went wrong on the trip. I know several people that have gotten tickets and social service visits for leaving their 11 year old in a car while running into a store. A friend of mine got abandonment charges for leaving 4 children (4-11) home alone with her 14 year old! :glare: Social services thought it was too much to ask of a 14 year old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegGuheert Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I think that's a bit hyperbolic. I was left alone at that age.Perhaps. Until something happens to a child left alone in a hotel room. At that point, you may find that you have to convince a judge that you aren't at fault for leaving them. No, thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I would consider it. It would depend on the quality of hotel in some respects. I would also make sure I put out the do not disturb sign as I wouldn't want maid service in the room with my child alone. Is she comfortable maneuvering around new surroundings? Would she be bold enough to call or go to the front desk if she needed help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 I missed this part. Will the father be on the hotel premises the whole time she is alone? Not necessarily. That is what I am trying to work out in my head. We could possibly work it that she is either with him at the field offices or he meets at hotel, but that wold not remedy the government meetings. I guess I am trying to decide if at 10 nearing 11, she is ready for a couple hours of unsupervised hotel time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quad Shot Academy Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I think that's a bit hyperbolic. I was left alone at that age. I was babysitting other people's kids alone for hours at that age. Girls here get CPR certified here at that age and can have it for their 'babysitter' license. If they can take a CPR class and babysit without legally (they don't HAVE to have the license) I think a kid can stay two hours alone at a hotel. If I were that age I'd be taking a great bath and watching movies. I was a latch key kid from 2nd grade up, but I don't think that is "allowed" anymore. I think typically something has to go wrong for you to get into trouble and if something went wrong, social services would likely be the least of your worries anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 I would consider it. It would depend on the quality of hotel in some respects. I would also make sure I put out the do not disturb sign as I wouldn't want maid service in the room with my child alone. Is she comfortable maneuvering around new surroundings? Would she be bold enough to call or go to the front desk if she needed help? Yes, she would. She is both confident and mature enough to handle a bit of responsibility. She has turned into quite the wonderful young lady. Her twin brothers are a different situation entirely and will not be ready for anything like this for a quite awhile. :tongue_smilie: She would just love to watch horse movies, read, and decide for herself when snack time is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 My dad took me on business trips when I was five. I went to the meetings and entertained myself with a legal pad and a pen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I would consider it. It would depend on the quality of hotel in some respects. I would also make sure I put out the do not disturb sign as I wouldn't want maid service in the room with my child alone. Is she comfortable maneuvering around new surroundings? Would she be bold enough to call or go to the front desk if she needed help? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 that I would not leave a child of either gender alone in a hotel room for a couple of hours under any normal circumstances regardless of how nice the hotel was. Just wouldn't do it. I stay in nice hotels all of the time, and I still worry about personal protection. I don't even think I am *that* protective of a parent. But hotels, even nice hotels, have staff that may or may not be who you would want to have access to your child during that time she is alone. I would do it, though, if your daughter could hang out in a front office or something reading. My Dad used to take me on business trips sometimes, and it was great. I loved having that one-on-one time with him. But I would not accept the hotel solutions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrogMom5 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 that I would not leave a child of either gender alone in a hotel room for a couple of hours under any normal circumstances regardless of how nice the hotel was. Just wouldn't do it. I stay in nice hotels all of the time, and I still worry about personal protection. I don't even think I am *that* protective of a parent. But hotels, even nice hotels, have staff that may or may not be who you would want to have access to your child during that time she is alone. I would do it, though, if your daughter could hang out in a front office or something reading. My Dad used to take me on business trips sometimes, and it was great. I loved having that one-on-one time with him. But I would not accept the hotel solutions. :iagree: Yes, I agree w/this. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PIE! Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I went on a business trip with my dad when I was 9. I still have wonderful memories of it! I don't think he left me alone though. I would sit in the corner of the room and read a book during his meetings. Is that at all a possibility? The hotel would probably be fine - but make sure to teach her how to use the hotel lock, so not even the cleaning crew can get in, and check with the hotel manager to make sure you wouldn't be breaking any policies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 It's the 'alone in the hotel' that is the snag, imo. As PP has said, no matter how nice the hotel you just never know. It's just not something I would risk. Upscale hotels do have a sitter service available for a fee if that would be a consideration. But, I would not leave my 10 y/o dd alone in any hotel tehse days. Sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I think she could wait a couple of years. Other people may not agree with your decision that are in the hotel and then what a mess. You also said that your dh would be available most of the time. I think you'll find, in a couple of years, that she is still young now. She shouldn't have to negotiate cleaning service people, any knocks on the door, deciding if she should leave the room, forgetting the key card, having the desk people and potentially anyone else figuring out she is alone. It would look bad to me if I was looking at a child I didn't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 It's the 'alone in the hotel' that is the snag, imo. As PP has said, no matter how nice the hotel you just never know. It's just not something I would risk. Upscale hotels do have a sitter service available for a fee if that would be a consideration. But, I would not leave my 10 y/o dd alone in any hotel tehse days. Sorry. It is what is snagging me as well. On one hand I really want the independence for her, but on the other I just do not know that I or her dad would go for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbmom Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 If your dh was going to be in the hotel at all times and she was reslonsible enouh to stay in the room at all times with the inside barlock on andnot answer the door for anyone otherthan dadno matter what, then I would say yes. If he would need to leave her at the hotel and go out, then I say no only because I would worry about what would happen if there was a fire or any other situation where they needed to evacuate the hotel (rare, yes but itdoes happen.) I don't think a 10 year old is old enough to handle a situation like that on their own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 90 percent of sexual assaults are people the child knows. So, being alone in the hotel is actually pretty darned safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 90 percent of sexual assaults are people the child knows. So, being alone in the hotel is actually pretty darned safe. :iagree:She would be able to lock herself in. From that perspective, it is very safe. Some busy-body reporting an abandoned child would still be a slight concern, especially if she looked younger than 10-11. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I wouldn't allow it. I agree w/ everything RegGuheert has said. I don't care how mature she is. Too many things could happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 There are definitely bigger worries than "busy bodies." Housekeeping comes during the day to clean. The people in the next room can have a killer, scary fight. There can be a fire alarm. People can come to the wrong room and start banging on the door. These are all things that can happen in any hotel, any where. And all of them bring up concerns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegGuheert Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Another thing that I would worry about is what if something serious happens to your DH while she is locked in the hotel room. I know that may be far-fetched, but it should be something she is prepared to deal with. How long does she need to wait before taking action, etc. If you do end up doing this, I would not be content with having her call from the hotel room phone. I would ensure that she has a cell phone so that she can call YOU or your DH directly or you can call her. She will need to know how to use the hotel phone in case of no cell coverage, but a cell phone is a much better solution, IMO. I guess I would consider doing this if and only if I would not be leaving the hotel premises while my child was alone in the room or if I could arrange for some sort of child care like a relative during meetings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in OR Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Definitely check with the hotel for their policy beforehand. Friends of ours traveled to attend workshops for their upcoming missionary journey. They and their kids were all staying in the hotel and they only found out when they arrived that the children (even with their oldest 12 or 13) were not allowed to be on their own in the hotel room. They needed to scramble to make alternate arrangements. Erica in OR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 It's the 'alone in the hotel' that is the snag, imo. As PP has said, no matter how nice the hotel you just never know. It's just not something I would risk. Upscale hotels do have a sitter service available for a fee if that would be a consideration. But, I would not leave my 10 y/o dd alone in any hotel tehse days. Sorry. I wouldn't either. We have traveled a lot with our kids. I'm pretty sure we left them in the room alone a couple of times for brief periods, but they were together, and it would have been about when the oldest was at least 12 or 13. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majikmommie Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 It's the 'alone in the hotel' that is the snag, imo. As PP has said, no matter how nice the hotel you just never know. It's just not something I would risk. Upscale hotels do have a sitter service available for a fee if that would be a consideration. But, I would not leave my 10 y/o dd alone in any hotel tehse days. Sorry. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 This site may help somewhat, or just make it even less clear. :tongue_smilie: http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Follow your gut. Don't follow "worst first" thinking. There are benefits to her going, obviously, and the risk, as described, is extremely low. If you decide you're not ready to let go or she's not ready, or the cost or hassle is too much, that's one thing. But don't not send her because you think something that is so statistically unlikely is going to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Definitely check with the hotel for their policy beforehand. Friends of ours traveled to attend workshops for their upcoming missionary journey. They and their kids were all staying in the hotel and they only found out when they arrived that the children (even with their oldest 12 or 13) were not allowed to be on their own in the hotel room. They needed to scramble to make alternate arrangements. Erica in OR If they put the little "do not disturb" sign on the door, how would the hotel know? I certainly wouldn't advertise the fact my kiddo was alone. But I'd leave them at that age for short periods, in a safe area, taking certain precautions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Follow your gut. Don't follow "worst first" thinking. There are benefits to her going, obviously, and the risk, as described, is extremely low. :iagree:100% Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I would check with the hotels to see what their policies are. I know we have stayed in hotels that specified kids under 12 couldn't be left alone in the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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