public school trying to talk us out of homeschooling

[Guest Smithtavin]

Hi:) We want to homeschool our dd because of anxiety issues she is having and a general dislike for the public school she is at. The teachers are very good but the atmosphere of the kids is not good. I had a meeting with the principle to let him know that we were going to pull her at thanksgiving break and he planted seeds of doubt in my head. I know rationally that they are not true and we will be fine but now the teacher wants to try some new ways to help with her anxiety. I am so confused at this point. Has anyone had this experience? Do I just have to go in and be unfriendly and pull her? Ug! I thought this would go much smoother. Any advice would be greatly apprieciated:)

[QueenCat]

You don't need to be unfriendly. Know the law, and do it the way the law states to do it. The principal is usually not the best source for legal info. Don't discuss it with him/her. Just dis-enroll her, if you are sure this is the lifestyle you want to lead. It's not just about doing schoolwork at home, it's a whole new world.

[myfunnybunch]

You can still be friendly. :)

 

"Thanks for your concern, but we believe this decision will be best for our family. Have a nice day."

 

:grouphug:

 

Cat

[Starr]

You are on a home schooling board. ;) Many people have picked their kids up and not gone back. Let the powers know and do what you feel is best for your daughter. They believe in their schooling and the federal dollars they get. Sorry it's difficult.

[Rosie_0801]

What has changed between before and after this meeting? Other than some words? Did what they say sound feasible? It's easy enough to promise new strategies, but are they actually able to follow through?

 

I assume you thought everything through very carefully before making the decision. Suppose you go in, smile, sign the paperwork, say "Thanks so much!" and wander off. If they try and engage, smile again, repeat "Thanks for all your help, you've been great!" Then take your kid's hand and walk away. To the closest ice cream parlour to celebrate new beginnings. ;)

 

Rosie

[redsquirrel]

You don't need the principal's permission. You don't even need to discuss it with him. Just do it. He's not going to be supportive or approving no matter what. And in the end, it is not his decision to make. You make the decision and you take the responsibility.

 

That's the thing about being a homeschooler, you make your own path.

[tex-mex]

You don't need the principal's permission. You don't even need to discuss it with him. Just do it. He's not going to be supportive or approving no matter what. And in the end, it is not his decision to make. You make the decision and you take the responsibility.

 

That's the thing about being a homeschooler, you make your own path.

:iagree:

Having been a former schoolteacher, I would wisely say to anyone thinking of hsing NEVER to discuss it with officials. Many teachers and admins take it personally and there is bias. Like others have said, do your homework, find a good support group, write them a formal letter, and smile. You do not have to answer any concerns.

 

What goes on with the OP's dd and her anxiety should be discussed with a pediatrician or LPC. Not in the midst of school change.

Edited November 18, 2011 by tex-mex

[Night Elf]

Different U.S. states have different laws, if you're even in the U.S. My state, Georgia, doesn't require I even speak to the public school ever. Make sure you understand your state laws. Honestly, the people I've dealt with in my public school system don't know the homeschool laws. It's just not something on their radar.

 

Do you want to homeschool? Answer that question and the rest will fall into place. If you feel like it is needed only because of the anxiety and that if your child didn't have this issue you would never consider homeschooling, then having the school work with you on your child's issues might be helpful. If you're wanting to homeschool for other reasons as well, then homeschooling might be the best thing for you.

 

Yes, you will feel unsure and you will doubt yourself. I was a nervous wreck when I pulled my son out of Kindergarten. The first year was really weird because I tried to emulate public school exactly. That type of education was the only one I had experience with and it was ingrained in my subconscious. Yes, the school is going to try to talk you out of it. They are ingrained with the same ideas.

 

I've been homeschooling for 10 years now. It's not all ponies and rainbows, but neither is life. I love homeschooling. Our family fit quite well into the lifestyle.

[Ellie]

Don't discuss it with the school any more. Just don't.

 

Make sure you know the law in your state and that you have dotted all your i's and crossed all your t's.

 

Don't look back. Enjoy the holidays. :D

[Myeightkiddies]

I'm not sure which state in which you are located, so some of my advice isn't as specific as it could be.

 

First, know the law of your state. If your state requires notification at the start of your homeschool, prepare the notification with the information required by law (often child's name, date of birth, address, etc.). Some states require curriculum list, course of study, etc. Be sure you prepare all the information required to get started - according to your state's laws (which may be nothing - depends on state).

 

Next, mail the notification or whatever is required to the appropriate party as specified by your state, which may be your local school superintendent. This should be mailed USPS Certified Mail with return signature receipt (save that receipt and a copy of your notification). Should you decide to hand-deliver this letter, be certain that the person which the law requires you to notify is the one who signs receipt of the letter. Dropping it off and leaving with no proof of them receiving it is not at all recommended.

 

After you mail it (or the next day), go to your child's school. Have in hand all or any library books and text books (or other school property such as band uniform if such applies). Be sure the child has removed all their personal belongings from school (supplies, backpack, lunch box, etc.).

 

At the front desk, turn in the school's property and inform them that you are withdrawing from school with the intent to homeschool. State that proper notification, according to your state's law, has been sent to the appropriate official.

 

Sign what you need to and leave.

 

Homeschool.

 

Be aware of what, if any, reporting, testing, assessment, etc. is required by your state and when it is due. Report on time, if that is required. Resubmit notification, if your state requires it, on time.

 

You need not discuss any of this with the principal or other employee of your child's school. Once you homeschool and follow any and all notification requirements that child is under the jurisdiction of the indicated school official (usually county superintendent's office - Superintendent themselves typically) and the state.

 

Again, a lot depends on what your state requires. State requirements vary greatly from state-to-state.

[arghmatey]

The principal is a salesperson for the school. Just treat him like any other salesperson--be firm and polite as you say, "No, thank you!"

[GWOB]

:grouphug: I completely understand. I pulled my oldest two out at Thanksgiving break 3 years ago. While my dc didn't have any anxiety issues, the school just wasn't a good fit. I wasn't legally required to inform them of my decision, but I thought I'd be nice and let them know. The principal tried to talk me out of it and I just stood my ground. You know the penguins in that Madagascar movie? "Just smile and wave, boys. Just smile and wave." Do that.

 

I have never regretted my decision. Yes, I have the same doubts as any other homeschooling mom. Yes, I have days when I wish a yellow school bus would pick them up and take the somewhere, anywhere for the day. It's not always easy, but it is so very rewarding.

 

You can do this. We are not all scholars here. We are just moms (and dads) who want the best for our kids and do whatever is necessary.

 

:grouphug: again, and welcome to the board!

[rocketgirl]

We pulled our first grader out at last Christmas break. It is not in the school's best interest, of course, to have a family withdraw a child due to a problem. Even if they could completely understand, they would not want you to do it and would have to discourage you. Only you really know what's going on with your child. Our former school was similiar - great teachers, great "atmosphere", but bullying, kids getting beaten up, intimidated & threatened in the halls and during transitions between classes...etc... and that was in our primary school K, 1, 2!! Our daughter, who had already been there for 2 years (pre & K) successfully and with no complaints, began crying the 2nd week of school & it took a 4 month roller coaster ride of tears, and nightmares & us just constantly on alert & damage control before we withdrew her in the middle of the year. It was actually quite horrendous and I was sick to my stomach for months, I can only imagine really how bad it was for her. Our child's teacher was awesome & she loved her, her principal as well, we loved the school. That made it even more difficult I think. We took her out at christmas break after 3 very amiable, hopeful & seemingly proactive meetings/attempts with the teacher and principal to solve the 'problem'. So when we took her out, they already knew there was a problem and that we wanted to help solve it. But there is only so much they can do... The day before the last day of school for christmas break we informed them via our carefully worded and appreciative letter (faxed) & following telephone conversation that we appreciated all they had done but that "tomorrow" would be her last day... We have never regretted our decision, in fact, my only regret is not having taken her out sooner :(

Anyway, know that it is your choice, it is your life, your child's life. If you've already said you are considering or going to do it, from my experience ....that was really the hardest part :)

Edited November 18, 2011 by rocketgirl

[gardenmom5]

Hi:) We want to homeschool our dd because of anxiety issues she is having and a general dislike for the public school she is at. The teachers are very good but the atmosphere of the kids is not good. I had a meeting with the principle to let him know that we were going to pull her at thanksgiving break and he planted seeds of doubt in my head. I know rationally that they are not true and we will be fine but now the teacher wants to try some new ways to help with her anxiety. I am so confused at this point. Has anyone had this experience? Do I just have to go in and be unfriendly and pull her? Ug! I thought this would go much smoother. Any advice would be greatly apprieciated:)

 

you don't have to be unfriendly, just matter of fact certitude as you hand over your declaration. get a receipt for it..

 

I've got medical specialists wanting my son in school full time. (with lots of one-on-one and small group. gee, sounds like what he's getting at home!) yes, he needs therapy, no way jose am I putting him in school full time. It would be a disaster.

[ChandlerMom]

THis isn't about being friendly, this is about doing whatever YOU feel is in your child's best interest. You do not OWE them "one more chance" to fix things for your child. Regardless of the teacher's best intentions, if they have a bad environment and 20-odd kids, how much is she really going to be able to do? Even if it was 20 kids, that would only give at most 18min per 6hr day per child, and the reality is far less than that!

[....]

Having been a former schoolteacher, I would wisely say to anyone thinking of hsing NEVER to discuss it with officials.

 

Yeah, don't discuss homeschooling AT ALL with anyone up at the school.

 

I didn't even warn our school ahead of time. I just mailed the certified letter to the principal and school superintendent. Make sure you follow the directions for your state in withdrawing your children.

 

Every school we have had contact with has been very hostile to homeschooling. We just stay away...far, far away. I had to walk into our old school to get something one time and the office secretary said something really nasty to me in front of the other parents. Don't let this happen to you...:eek:

 

I don't even tell people at our activities that we homeschool. We have teachers in our cub scouts pack that know we homeschool and one teacher will NOT leave. us. alone. :svengo:

[....]

The principal is a salesperson for the school. Just treat him like any other salesperson--be firm and polite as you say, "No, thank you!"

 

Very TRUE! :iagree:

[NanceXToo]

I don't know where you are, but here in PA where I live, I wouldn't have to discuss it further with them at all.

 

I would have to mail in the necessary documentation (Affidavit, objectives etc) certified mail to the Superintendent's office, or drop it off there in person), and once I'd done that, I simply wouldn't send my daughter back to school. And that would be that.

 

You don't have to justify yourself to them or "talk them into it." You've made your decision and no further conversation is necessary. Tell them politely but firmly, "No thanks, we've made our decision," and that's the end of it.

 

Good luck!

 

(ETA: When I pulled my daughter out, it was mid year. I emailed my daughter's teacher only because I did like her and wanted her to know that in this case it wasn't her, it was just a bunch of other things, but that I wanted to give her a heads up that Alexa's last day would be such and such a date. Other than that, I dropped my paperwork off with the superintendent, and when the date came, she just didn't go to school that day. There were no in person meetings or phone calls or people trying to persuade me, and you don't have to do that stuff either)!

[2cents]

What has changed between before and after this meeting? Other than some words? Did what they say sound feasible? It's easy enough to promise new strategies, but are they actually able to follow through?

 

I assume you thought everything through very carefully before making the decision. Suppose you go in, smile, sign the paperwork, say "Thanks so much!" and wander off. If they try and engage, smile again, repeat "Thanks for all your help, you've been great!" Then take your kid's hand and walk away. To the closest ice cream parlour to celebrate new beginnings. ;)

 

Rosie

 

This! :iagree:

[iquilt]

When we pulled our oldest out of K at Thanksgiving 5 years ago the problems I had were with the teacher. She did seem to take it personally that I did not want to keep my daughter in her class. It was not personal so I handled it as practically as I could. She did not return to school after Thanksgiving break. Instead I submitted a letter withdrawing her from enrollment and following my state's laws. I did not even know who the principal was.

 

I will say that after 5 years of homeschooling we wouldn't want to give it up. We love our lifestyle. We can take breaks when dh does ( he is a business owner) and enjoy the freedom to use what we find to be the best for us.

[jelbe5]

Congrats on your decision to homeschool! You can do this! :grouphug:

 

If you were moving and had to transfer schools, or decided to put your child in a private school for personal reasons or choice this would not be up for discussion. But when some hear you have decided to homeschool they think they have a right and obligation to question the decision. In many states a homeschool is legally a private school!

 

My son has autism. Early in our homeschool journey I went to a conference presented by a leading expert on autism and education. Her research findings showed that children with autism did best in an educational environment with 1:1 attention or as close to that as possible. Huh! The school can't do that but my homeschool sure can!:001_smile:

 

We have never looked back. Enjoy your journey:grouphug:

[Lizzie in Ma]

:iagree:

Having been a former schoolteacher, I would wisely say to anyone thinking of hsing NEVER to discuss it with officials. Many teachers and admins take it personally and there is bias. Like others have said, do your homework, find a good support group, write them a formal letter, and smile. You do not have to answer any concerns.

 

What goes on with the OP's dd and her anxiety should be discussed with a pediatrician or LPC. Not in the midst of school change.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[Haiku]

Do I just have to go in and be unfriendly and pull her?

 

It's not unfriendly to remove your child from school. Of course they are trying to talk you out of homeschooling. They lose money if your dd homeschools, and many teachers honestly believe homeschooling is a bad idea.

 

However, what they are doing is not working for your dd. You know your dd best. If you think homeschooling will be good for her, who cares what the school (with their separate agenda) thinks?

 

Tara

[Dmmetler]

I think this is modus operandi. Even when my DD's teacher-both her current teacher and the one for the next grade up she would have had-supported the idea of us homeschooling "for at least a year or two", the principal still tried to talk me out of it and had a lot of ideas and strategies he thought the teachers could do to make it work for her in their school.

 

Just pull her and don't look back. I won't lie-it can be tough because you ARE changing not only where your child does school, but often many of your community contacts and relationships as well. I think after Christmas that we'll be changing churches, too. But it's been SO worth it for my DD-and I'll bet you'll find it will be worth it for yours, too.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

You don't need to be unfriendly. Know the law, and do it the way the law states to do it. The principal is usually not the best source for legal info. Don't discuss it with him/her. Just dis-enroll her, if you are sure this is the lifestyle you want to lead. It's not just about doing schoolwork at home, it's a whole new world.

:iagree:

[Hen]

Welcome to homeschooling!!

 

My bonus student ( I'm homeschooling a friend's son) was diagnosed with anxiety while in Public School. She ended up pulling him out during Spring Break. It was a huge relief to him.

 

you can still be friendly, kids move in and out of schools every day. I agree that the principal might not be your best source of homeschool information. I had a truant officer at my door a few years ago and he did not seem to know school law either. :tongue_smilie: Fortunately, I did, and I set him straight. :D

 

Take a big breath, you are the parent and you decide. You can do this.

 

this is a great board, ask away any more questions!

Edited November 18, 2011 by Hen Jen
spelling

[Guest Smithtavin]

Thank you all for your responses. I guess it should cement the reason I am taking her out, not being able to be grown up and nice. I think I need all of you to live next door to me so I don't feel like I am the only one doing this. Thank you all so much for helping!!!!:grouphug:

[pqr]

 

I think I need all of you to live next door to me so I don't feel like I am the only one doing this.

 

You are not the only one doing this, we have all been there, hang in there and do what is right for your child.

[higginszoo]

My ds's anxiety was one of the reasons we ultimately pulled him out of ps. We tried to work through the school system, we worked with professionals outside the school system, but for him in the end, homeschooling has been much better. I didn't realize just how bad it was for him until recently (almost 4 years after we pulled him). He and his sister were watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and he compared Delores Umbridge, the villain in the movie, to his fourth grade teacher -- "She was just like that, mom" with tears in his eyes, even now. His anxiety levels dropped a lot the moment I pulled him. It's still something he struggles with (he had issues from the time he was a toddler), but he has no interest in going back, unless it's to take college courses.

[JMDRAD]

You don't need the principal's permission. You don't even need to discuss it with him. Just do it. He's not going to be supportive or approving no matter what. And in the end, it is not his decision to make. You make the decision and you take the responsibility.

 

That's the thing about being a homeschooler, you make your own path.

 

:iagree: My family doctor tried to give me a hard time about homeschooling my kids. I told him that our children's education was ultimately my husband's and my responsibility and that we were making the best decision for OUR family. I said it politely but firmly and he has not voiced another negative word about it. Sometimes a confident display of taking responsibility seems to allay some people's doubts.