Tammy Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 My daughter (15yo) and I were in the grocery store the other day when a lady from the meat department....mumbled something to me. I said, "Excuse me?" She said, "My gosh....the mom is just as small as the daughter! You ARE the mom, aren't you?" Anothere day we were in Bealls department store....when my daughter and I had the same pair of shorts to try on (of course different sizes)...when an older lady came up to us and said, "Those shorts look like they would fit a baby doll!" I wonder what she would think if I told her the clothes in her basket looked like they would fit a whale.... Why do people think it is ok to make comments like that about small people....I find them just as rude as making fat comments! Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reservejagmom Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 :iagree: :glare: Anyway, I'll bet they're just jealous because you're so petite! :D Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.J. at J.A. Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I wonder what she would think if I told her the clothes in her basket looked like they would fit a whale.... :smilielol5: I try to take it as a complement but I know what you mean! Angela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Yup. It' obnoxious. I used to get comments like, "Maybe you should try eating." Ummm.....you fat tub of lard, I do eat and tried to gain weight because of rude comments from people like you, but I found out that excessive olive oil makes me even thinner! I got to a point where I just gave the rude commentors a look that said, "I have no idea what language you are speaking; are you from this planet?" I guess some folks are mean to fat people (I have heard them be rude to my aunt when I was a kid and it shocked me that folks could be so brazzen). So some of the heavier people are either just "getting back" to be mean - OR they seriously have no idea that their comments hurt because they would love to have people tell them they are skinny. Just shrug it off. Some people are clueless and honestly don't mean to be rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trivium Academy Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 What compels people to say something to a stranger at all? I know that when I take that chance, I'm usually attempting to compliment the other person that or tell them that their fly is open or they have something on their teeth. Anyways, I was thinking of my own intentions when I open my mouth in public and I realize it's usually for the positive. Just this past week I was in the grocery store and a church member (and neighbor) commented on the two gallons of milk I was buying while I was at the cash register. "Wow, you must drink a lot of milk!" and of course I HAD to reply (I'll learn some day), "We usually have to get two more gallons during the week, we make sure the kids drink milk." I'm standing there thinking, why in the world did she comment about our milk consumption, doesn't she know how good it is for kids to drink milk? What did her son drink growing up? And just as I'm in my thoughts, I hear her loudly and I mean LOUDLY say to another person 5 feet away.... "She's buying two gallons of milk, can't you believe it at these prices? She says they have to buy two more during the week, that's 4 gallons a week. That is $18 a week on milk ALONE! That means they spend $80 on milk in a month." and then she turns to me and says, "Do you know how much money you're spending on milk?" She's not old and senile, she just one of those commenters- someone who thinks outloud and bless her heart I try to avoid her because it can be pretty embarrassing. So maybe that has something to do with, no verbal boundaries and people I know like that are usually very lonely. I hope you laughed, I hope this helped... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I would not be offended if someone told me the shorts I asked for looked like they would fit a babydoll. :) I would be slightly put off by someone saying, 'Why don't you try eating.' Depending on tone of course, but I'm having trouble imagining a tone that would be not off-putting. Our society clearly values thinness, so I imagine it is almost always a compliment OR said rudely because the sayer is jealous. Jessica, your milk comment lady makes me think of my ds, now 8, but from the time he was 3 or 4 was constantly eyeing up the stuff in people's baskets at Wal-Mart. And he would comment, 'hey mom they're buying blueberry yogurt too!.' Or worse, directly to them, 'I don't like nuts!' I've finally got it through his head that he is violating personal space (see their bubble?) and although I still see him checking people's baskets out on the sly he has stopped the commenting. Of course, he is just now 8....which makes me think you might be on to something about the grown-ups in this situation not understanding personal boundaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I was taught as a child never to make "personal remarks," i.e. comments on another person's appearance. Apparently my mama didn't get around to raising that woman! So sorry that you had to be subjected to that. I spent my whole childhood dealing with comments from strangers about my weight, so I feel for you and your dd. I agree that it was probably meant as a veiled compliment, but totally inappropriate nonetheless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I can answer this! I am, as Karen put it "a tub of lard" and yes, when I shop the clothes in my basket would fit a whale. Incidentally I rarely shop because of that. I don't think I would comment on your small size, but I can guarantee that if I did it would be as a veiled compliment and an expression of my own frustration and self-loathing. As Carol said, it would be with a touch of jealousy. I have no answer about Jessica's milk lady! Maybe she is lonely and needs to have a conversation with anyone and everyone about anything and everything?:lol: Some people are like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I think any comments about someone's size, be they large or small, is inappropriate. And, Jessica, you're lucky that woman wasn't my very holistic-anti-dairy friend because she'd have given you the "don't you know how bad dairy is for you" lecture! (Of course, she'd not have just jumped on you with that out of the blue, but she'd have been thinking it! :lol: ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Why do people think it is ok to make comments like that about small people....I find them just as rude as making fat comments! Tammy Seeing as how I wasn't reared by PlaidDad's mama either ;), I'm sitting here imagining myself as one of the people in your life who could have made a comment like that never realizing that you could find it hurtful. I am impressed by tiny women who look as young as their daughters, and generally can't help myself from saying something. But, I say it with a big smile and a follow-up, "You two look great!". I'll think twice about how that could come across now, so thank you for helping me see that. That said, I can't hear the tone of voice those commentors made, nor see the looks on their faces, but given that you found their remarks so rude, it sounds like they spoke without smiles or any gesture that made you realize they were admiring you. In that case, I feel quite certain they spoke out of jealousy. Misery loves company, you know? Not sure you want advice just now, but I'll offer a tiny suggestion. When people say things like that, choose to hear the compliment buried within the remark. Given the fat culture we live in (all talk of wanting to be thin, but little action), people notice those of you who clearly have it all going on, who look great, and who have something they don't have - a lovely shape! Unfortunately, they also lack tact. (((Tammy))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hisleading Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 :001_smile: he!he! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Just this past week I was in the grocery store and a church member (and neighbor) commented on the two gallons of milk I was buying while I was at the cash register. "Wow, you must drink a lot of milk!" and of course I HAD to reply (I'll learn some day), "We usually have to get two more gallons during the week, we make sure the kids drink milk." . I always buy two gallons (they're usually priced two-fer at my store, which isn't much more than buying one). I've been asked by total strangers how many children I have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 No. I try not to make comments to strangers on their size, smell, politics, money, etc unless it is a real compliment. Like, love your hair or milk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I was taught as a child never to make "personal remarks," i.e. comments on another person's appearance. Apparently my mama didn't get around to raising that woman! So sorry that you had to be subjected to that. I spent my whole childhood dealing with comments from strangers about my weight, so I feel for you and your dd. I agree that it was probably meant as a veiled compliment, but totally inappropriate nonetheless. While out shopping I have been known to make friendly comments about other people's selections i.e. "My, that's a pretty blouse". I might even observe that it matches her eyes. But I would never make a comment about another person's body. Negative comments are rude, and positive ones to strangers would probably make me look like a wierdo (and are often equally rude). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Like, love your hair or milk. I can see it now, " Oh, I just love your milk" as you point to her cart and she slooooowly backs away from you. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I would not be offended if someone told me the shorts I asked for looked like they would fit a babydoll. :) I would be slightly put off by someone saying, 'Why don't you try eating.' Depending on tone of course, but I'm having trouble imagining a tone that would be not off-putting. For myself, I would shrug it off. I wouldn't want someone making these kinds of comments to my daughter. She is already beginning to notice that she is much smaller than her peers, and I don't want it to be a big deal for her. No matter what she looked like, I would not want her growing up overly conscious of her body. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Jessica, your milk comment lady makes me think of my ds, now 8, but from the time he was 3 or 4 was constantly eyeing up the stuff in people's baskets at Wal-Mart. And he would comment, 'hey mom they're buying blueberry yogurt too!.' Or worse, directly to them, 'I don't like nuts!' I've finally got it through his head that he is violating personal space (see their bubble?) and although I still see him checking people's baskets out on the sly he has stopped the commenting. Of course, he is just now 8....which makes me think you might be on to something about the grown-ups in this situation not understanding personal boundaries. That's funny! I almost never notice what other people purchase at the grocery store... unless it is the man shopping alone who buys a pound of bacon, a bag of cheese doodles and a half gallon of ice cream. I want to say "Wife out of town, eh?" (I don't :D) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Tammy, YES! I know exactly what you mean. I'm about 5'3" and 100lbs and I'm amazed at how rude people can be. They say things to me they would never consider appropriate to say to someone overweight. Why is that? I've had people literally wrinkle their noses and say "YOU need to put on some weight" or whatever it is they say when they are assuming I'm anorexic or such. It's in such a disapproving/judgmental tone. It's not in that conversational, commenting tone. It's rude. Easton was about 6 months old and my husband and I were in the mall without our two oldest boys. A lady walked up to me and said "Tell me you didn't have that baby.". I smiled and said "Yes, he's 6 months old". Then she actually took this awful tone and said "Well, you just wait a couple of years. You won't look like that anymore." I have to admit I really enjoyed following it up with "Actually I have two more at home that are 10 and 8 years old". She huffed and walked off. WHY? She wasn't a big lady. Why did she have so much animosity over something that has no effect on her? If you think it's hard dressing with a size that's on the far side of overweight, let me assure you it's a horrible pain here too. Most of the popular stores don't actually sale my size anymore. Gap's size 0 is now for about a size 4, and same thing for JCrew. I'm trying to dress like an adult by shopping in the teen or little girl department. I drive 4 hours to Atlanta for the majority of my shopping because it's so frustrating to attempt around here. Sorry for the length. :) I actually intended an "I agree", Tammy, but ended up on my own rant. So I agree, I don't understand why people think it's okay to be rude to someone small when I would never be that way to someone not so small. :001_huh: Ugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty Social Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 No advice, but lots of :grouphug:. I got comments like that all through my teen years, and now my almost 14yod is going through it. She comes home from dance class, sunday school, youth group, etc. talking about how everyone says she looks anorexic. She's 5'5" and 90 lbs - yes, very thin. However, that does not give people the right to pull up her shirt, poke her belly and make rude comments! We've made it clear to her that she is built the way God intended, and that others are just jealous, but still.....I have to wonder what this is doing to her self esteem. Sometimes I think that the parents who teach manners and respect for others are becoming an endangered species. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 now my almost 14yod is going through it. She comes home from dance class, sunday school, youth group, etc. talking about how everyone says she looks anorexic. She's 5'5" and 90 lbs - yes, very thin. However, that does not give people the right to pull up her shirt, poke her belly and make rude comments! We've made it clear to her that she is built the way God intended, and that others are just jealous, but still.....I have to wonder what this is doing to her self esteem :grouphug: to your daughter. Those comments and picking that came as a child and teen were things I still hear in my head. Thank you Mom for helping her. My mom was great but "They're just jealous" wasn't ever enough. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wagnfun Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I am impressed by tiny women who look as young as their daughters, and generally can't help myself from saying something. (((Tammy))) My 17 yr old and I are always getting asked how far apart we are and people thinking we are sisters. I always laughed it off until I realized it wasn't paying dh a compliment when they thought he was our dad!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Why do people think it is ok to make comments like that about small people....I find them just as rude as making fat comments! They are just as rude. I had a roommate in college who was 5'4" and weighed just under 100 lbs. She ate like a horse, because she was on the cross country team and burned a lot of calories. People were always saying she "must be anorexic." Brought her to tears! I like Karen sn's idea of giving a look that says, "I have no idea what language you are speaking; are you from this planet?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 which wasn't that often.....you wouldn't believe the comments! I have to shop at Bealls....in their junior department...so the styles are hard to find for an older person....LOL! That is the only place around me who carries my size..... I remember before I had kids, my coworkers told me I would gain weight after I had kids....and really...I weigh less now (only by a few pounds) than I did before kids, LOL! Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumping In Puddles Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Sometimes I think that the parents who teach manners and respect for others are becoming an endangered species. Oh, I agree. I hope people realize that with some little children that they are still learning manners and respect. About 6 months ago, my DD was 6 and the cashier was a man who had a pony tail and earring. She kept staring at him and they she loudly says to me "Is that a boy or a girl?" Me quietly: "Boy, and please do not talk about other people, please remember your good manners" DD loudly: "That's ok, if he's a boy with a pony and earring, that's OK! Some boys have that and its OOOOKKAAAAY!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaFran Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I think some people just feel it's necessary to make comments and judge you no matter what. They can find fault with everything. I'm not small weight wise, but I'm only about 5 feet tall, oh and I look about 16. (I'll be 33 this August) Which, I guess is an improvement since when I was 16 I looked like I was 12, LOL! You should see some of the looks and hear some of the comments I get when I out alone with my 3 kids. I actually had someone ask me once if I'd started having kids when I was 12 or something. It sounded more like this, "What, did you start having kids when you were 12?!" (wrinkled nose, incredulous snort). Very rude! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I got that when I was growing up too. I was short and skinny until after my 8th grade year when I grew 4 inches. Then I was taller and skinny! :D By the time I got married, I was 5'9" and weighed 118 and had a 23inch waist. They just didn't make clothes to fit that size! But I got the anorexic comments as well, which were so totally wrong! :( My mom was always thin growing up too. She always said, "Why do people think it's ok to come up to me and say, 'You're as skinny as a beanpole,' and think it's ok?! What if I walked up to them and said, 'You're as fat as a barn"? They'd think I was very rude!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I wonder what she would think if I told her the clothes in her basket looked like they would fit a whale.... Why do people think it is ok to make comments like that about small people....I find them just as rude as making fat comments! I agree completely with the second sentence. I have never experienced "small", "skinny" or similar comments but I can imagine they'd be patronizing at times and the implication/assumption is that you are a *little girl*. That would annoy and insult me. The assumption of eating issues is often there, too, and an unkind erroneous assumption. As a former "whale", I have to admit reading the bolded part made me wince. I've experienced the prejudice of shopping as a severely overweight woman and more recently experienced the lack of that as a more slim one. "Whale" has connotations and judgments with it. :-( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I agree completely with the second sentence. I have never experienced "small", "skinny" or similar comments but I can imagine they'd be patronizing at times and the implication/assumption is that you are a *little girl*. That would annoy and insult me. The assumption of eating issues is often there, too, and an unkind erroneous assumption. As a former "whale", I have to admit reading the bolded part made me wince. I've experienced the prejudice of shopping as a severely overweight woman and more recently experienced the lack of that as a more slim one. "Whale" has connotations and judgments with it. :-( I'm remembering a conversation I had with a good friend the other day about a woman I see frequently in our natural foods store. This woman is a horse person, evidenced by her riding attire, and is the smallest person I've ever seen. It is shocking to see her -- her legs are literally about the size of my arms -- and I have found myself wondering more than once if she has an eating disorder due to the peculiar nature of horse competition, jockey weights, and such. My friend had the compassion and wisdom to note, "But, haven't you noticed that she has so much light in her eyes?!" She had taken time to pay attention to this woman's face and saw there a vital force and a happiness that might not be as present in someone struggling with an eating disorder. I really appreciated her open mindedness and her ability to see what I had not taken time to notice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Why do people think it is ok to make comments like that about small people....I find them just as rude as making fat comments! Tammy Wow, um, it's not ok. And your whale comment made me wince like some of the others. I know that was not your intention, but ouch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Why do people think it is ok to make comments like that about small people....I find them just as rude as making fat comments! Tammy I agree with you, I think most people (big, small and in-between) are sensitive about their body size/type, and comments about it in any fashion are inconsiderate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 My daughter (15yo) and I were in the grocery store the other day when a lady from the meat department....mumbled something to me. I said, "Excuse me?" She said, "My gosh....the mom is just as small as the daughter! You ARE the mom, aren't you?" Anothere day we were in Bealls department store....when my daughter and I had the same pair of shorts to try on (of course different sizes)...when an older lady came up to us and said, "Those shorts look like they would fit a baby doll!" I wonder what she would think if I told her the clothes in her basket looked like they would fit a whale.... Why do people think it is ok to make comments like that about small people....I find them just as rude as making fat comments! Tammy Well, I wouldn't say that to someone myself, because I don't think it's polite to make personal remarks about people's appearance. However, I have to disagree that it's the same as calling a fat person a whale. Clearly, that would be intentionally insulting. **No one** refers to a heavy person's weight because they wish they weighed that much -- and yet I think that's likely why these people made these comments to you. Personally, if I ever get to be very thin myself, I hope that I will remember that though I might prefer not to have any comments made at all, it is a blessing to be a healthy, slim weight, and if others who struggle mention it from time to time, they're not meaning to be offensive. Rather, they wish they could be in my shoes. Erica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 I don't see any difference....and btw, I didn't call anyone a whale! I was making an analogy.... She didn't call me a 'baby doll' either.....it was the size that was being compared.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I don't see any difference....and btw, I didn't call anyone a whale! I was making an analogy.... She didn't call me a 'baby doll' either.....it was the size that was being compared.... Oh, I don't think anyone thought you actually called anyone that!! I hope you didn't take my comment to think I thought you were calling people whales. I was just trying to give the perspective from a fat person's viewpoint and why a fat person might say something like that to you. I just wanted to see it might not be meant as an unkindness at all. Maybe not the best way to compliment you, but still. Your best bet in situations like that might be to take a "Bless her heart" stance. As in "Bless her heart, she doesn't mean to be tacky". Or "Bless her heart, she might feel bad about herself today". Or something like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 "Bless her heart, she might feel bad about herself today". Or something like that. Maybe. It just seems odd to me to assume that because a person is overweight they ought to feel bad about themselves, or that they're "jealous" of thin people, or are anything other than content with the bodies that God gave them. I guess I just don't think that way *shrugs* Personally, I could care less what you look like, and I wish people weren't so hung up on appearances. Oh, and if it matters at all, I lost my petite figure three babies ago... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 No Kelli....I was replying to Erica.....""However, I have to disagree that it's the same as calling a fat person a whale."" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Why do people think it is ok to make comments like that about small people....I find them just as rude as making fat comments! I don't. I woudn't make the kind of remarks you've described (or remarks about personal appearance in general), but I don't consider them comparable with "fat" comments. I honestly don't find the remarks you shared here insulting ~ just kinda odd ~ so to that end, I doubt I'd think twice about them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Maybe. It just seems odd to me to assume that because a person is overweight they ought to feel bad about themselves, or that they're "jealous" of thin people, or are anything other than content with the bodies that God gave them. I guess I just don't think that way *shrugs* Personally, I could care less what you look like, and I wish people weren't so hung up on appearances. I've got too much to say regarding this issue to air it all out here. I really wish people weren't judged by their appearance, either. I was an overweight kid with buck teeth. Kids can be mean stoopid heads. It sickens me that it starts at such an early age. But I still struggle with how I look even though, according to DH, I'm quite the hottie. :D So to heck with anyone that doesn't like my washboard ab! (It's kind of a one pack) :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I'll do you one better. I just came home from Wal-Mart. In line I encountered the rudest woman I think I have ever met. I was in line with my three boys and she says to me, "Are you their mother?" I thought that she was going to compliment their behavior because that happens a lot. Instead what she said to me was, "A young mother like you should wear longer shorts." :confused: The inseam of my shorts is 4"!! I was so completely shocked. My 11 year old looked at me, saw my face and said, "Mom, it's OK. You look fine." I am still reeling.:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 When I get down to only two gallons in the fridge, I know someone needs to pick some up because we'll be out the next day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 The other interesting thing is the concept of physical beauty is purely cultural. In some countries large women are revered. In places like Mauritania, women go to extraordinary lengths, even jeapordizing their own health to put on as many pounds as possible. It really is not much different than in our country where girls and women literally starve themselves to be unnaturally thin and "beautiful". It is a fascinating subject, but I really need to get back to work... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I just came home from Wal-Mart. In line I encountered the rudest woman I think I have ever met. I was in line with my three boys and she says to me, "Are you their mother?" I thought that she was going to compliment their behavior because that happens a lot. Instead what she said to me was, "A young mother like you should wear longer shorts." :confused: The inseam of my shorts is 4"!! I was so completely shocked....I am still reeling.:001_huh: I guess...well, I don't understand. Does it truly, deeply affect you if a total stranger in Wally World of all places feels compelled to remark on your attire? You're obviously comfortable in your skin, and with what you wear. I think it's amusing more than anything else that she'd actually express that thought aloud. I'd likely have just said something along the lines of, "Young mother? Oh, honey, you're my new best friend!" or "Thanks for that unsolicited opinion. I'll take it into consideration...or not." And not in a mean-spiritied way, btw. Just banter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I guess...well, I don't understand. Does it truly, deeply affect you if a total stranger in Wally World of all places feels compelled to remark on your attire? You're obviously comfortable in your skin, and with what you wear. I think it's amusing more than anything else that she'd actually express that thought aloud. I'd likely have just said something along the lines of, "Young mother? Oh, honey, you're my new best friend!" or "Thanks for that unsolicited opinion. I'll take it into consideration...or not." And not in a mean-spiritied way, btw. Just banter. :iagree: And in fact, it is good to have things in mind ahead of time to say to such forward people. I dont like it when I feel shocked....I'm going to put Colleen's above remarks in my brain for the next time someone says something like that to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I guess...well, I don't understand. Does it truly, deeply affect you if a total stranger in Wally World of all places feels compelled to remark on your attire? You're obviously comfortable in your skin, and with what you wear. I think it's amusing more than anything else that she'd actually express that thought aloud. I'd likely have just said something along the lines of, "Young mother? Oh, honey, you're my new best friend!" or "Thanks for that unsolicited opinion. I'll take it into consideration...or not." And not in a mean-spiritied way, btw. Just banter. Yes, I am reeling and I was not amused. If affected me for a number of reasons. It's not the young part, it's what she said, and in front of my children. She meant to be mean and her point was clear. She does not approve and my oldest son felt the need to defend and comfort me. Your post bugs me a bit. Just because you would shrug it off, doesn't mean that I have to. I think that I let a lot roll off my back and I am not that easily offended. I would never, in a million years, say something so cruel and judgemental to a complete stranger. This woman was not interested in "banter." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 :iagree: And in fact, it is good to have things in mind ahead of time to say to such forward people. I dont like it when I feel shocked....I'm going to put Colleen's above remarks in my brain for the next time someone says something like that to me. I don't store things up to say to people because I am not expecting people to say things like they do. I am shocked when people are mean just to be mean because that is not how I treat people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I've been overweight and I've been tiny. There is a very big difference in the comments for either of those two. I'm sorry. I just can't sympathize with you on that one. It is very much different for someone to make comments about how large someone is than how tiny they are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam "SFSOM" in TN Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I am shocked when people are mean just to be mean because that is not how I treat people. There needs to be a show on TLC called "What Not to Say." I'm sorry she was mean to you, Elaine, but I do think it was probably jealously. Some people just weren't reared properly. I think Colleen's notion of treating such people with amusement is better in the long run (for *you*) because it shifts the burden of their idiocy back on them instead of allowing them to succeed in making you feel "less than." Easier said than done on my part, I fear. Stuff like this takes me straight back to junior high and I'm immediately all defensive and angry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Yes, I am reeling and I was not amused. If affected me for a number of reasons. It's not the young part, it's what she said, and in front of my children. She meant to be mean and her point was clear. She does not approve and my oldest son felt the need to defend and comfort me. Yep, she meant to be mean ~ to make it clear to you that she disapproved of your attire. I got that message loud and clear. I didn't mean to imply she was merely engaging in banter, rather that my own response would be mere banter. Very tacky on her part, no question. Your post bugs me a bit. Just because you would shrug it off, doesn't mean that I have to. I think that I let a lot roll off my back and I am not that easily offended. I would never, in a million years, say something so cruel and judgemental to a complete stranger. I didn't say you have to shrug it off; I'm just sharing my perspective. I'm sure neither of us would have made a remark like that to someone, and it no doubt did come as a slap in the face. But I'm admittedly surprised it hurt you because really...who cares what this woman thinks? (((Laney))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I always buy two gallons (they're usually priced two-fer at my store, which isn't much more than buying one). I've been asked by total strangers how many children I have. We have 4 kids and we buy 4 gallons a week. It's just life for us. I've tried 3 and it never works. If someone scrutinized me based on my milk purchase, I'd have to wonder if maybe they need something new to consume their time. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Maybe. It just seems odd to me to assume that because a person is overweight they ought to feel bad about themselves, or that they're "jealous" of thin people, or are anything other than content with the bodies that God gave them. I guess I just don't think that way *shrugs* ... Okay, I guess I just worded it wrong. I am in the group of people who do feel very bad about their personal appearance. I realize that there are many plus size woman who are absolutely gorgeous. I am just not one of them. So anything I might say to a thin, attractive woman would be coming from a place of low self-esteem and jealousy. But that is just me. Not the culture as a whole. Just me. And people like me. But not everyone is like me. I'm only speaking for the ones that are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 I think it upset me too...because my daughter was there. If my daughter had not been there....well....no telling what I would have said to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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