Donna Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 My ds(15) rides with his friend (almost 18yo) to wrestling practice twice a week. The location of the practice is on a dirt road behind a police station. Last night ds calls to tell us they will be home later than usual because his friend's truck got a flat tire. When he got home he told me they were in the parking area of the police station working on changing the tire and no one came over to ask if they were okay or if they needed help. Not even any of the dads or moms (but mostly dads) taking their kids home from wrestling stopped though they all passed them on the way out. The boys figured out how to change the tire and made it home safely so it wasn't a big deal. My son had been taught by his dad so just had to figure out where things were on that particular vehicle but I was still a bit surprised no one even bothered to see if they needed any help. It was late at night...but maybe everyone thought they were safe in the police headquarters parking lot, I don't know. I certainly would have checked on kids I knew who seemed to be having car problems (though I would probably not have stopped to help strangers). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I do not think an almost 18 y/o young man is viewed as a "kid" by most people. So no, I would not have expected people to stop for two young adult male changing a tire in a safe location. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Well if they were just standing around staring at each other trying to figure out what to do it might be possible no one realized they needed help. If they were getting on with the job it may have appeared they did not need help. I would help a child of a friend if said child flagged me down and requested assistance. I would have probably smiled and waved as I drove by otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 It depends on if the people knew the boys or not. If they did, the least they could have said was "Hey so-and-so, everything okay with your car? Need any help?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I think if I were picking up my teen from practice, I would likely view all the participants like kids because mostly my teen is a "kid" in my mind. Therefore, I would hope someone would express concern for my "kid" in that situation and I hope I would notice and express concern for another person's "kid" in that situation. In fact I have asked after young adult "kids." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 It depends on if the people knew the boys or not. If they did, the least they could have said was "Hey so-and-so, everything okay with your car? Need any help?" This. But I would do that regardless of the age or gender of the people, if they are people I know, kwim? If I see people I know (especially kids or teens) who seem to be having an issue with their vehicle (or a hitch in their git-along ;) ) I will stop. So will my dh. But because of his size and general "look," he will often also stop for strangers in need of help. (But he is extremely "wise" about this - daylight and/or busy area, etc.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I do not think an almost 18 y/o young man is viewed as a "kid" by most people. So no, I would not have expected people to stop for two young adult male changing a tire in a safe location. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unscripted Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I would stop for anyone I know that is on the side of the road- just in case they could use a tool, etc. The age of my acquaintance wouldn't matter- I would stop. I don't know that I would be angry about this, but just more miffed than anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 It depends on if the people knew the boys or not. If they did, the least they could have said was "Hey so-and-so, everything okay with your car? Need any help?" :iagree: That would be my response unless they were obviously having trouble. My 18yo son has stopped twice in the last month to help people on the side of the road with flats. He wouldn't expect help changing his own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 My ds(15) rides with his friend (almost 18yo) to wrestling practice twice a week. The location of the practice is on a dirt road behind a police station. Last night ds calls to tell us they will be home later than usual because his friend's truck got a flat tire. When he got home he told me they were in the parking area of the police station working on changing the tire and no one came over to ask if they were okay or if they needed help. Not even any of the dads or moms (but mostly dads) taking their kids home from wrestling stopped though they all passed them on the way out. The boys figured out how to change the tire and made it home safely so it wasn't a big deal. My son had been taught by his dad so just had to figure out where things were on that particular vehicle but I was still a bit surprised no one even bothered to see if they needed any help. It was late at night...but maybe everyone thought they were safe in the police headquarters parking lot, I don't know. I certainly would have checked on kids I knew who seemed to be having car problems (though I would probably not have stopped to help strangers). Well they were at the police station. What better place to be if you need help? If they looked like they knew what they were doing and were in a safe place, I wouldn't have bothered them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pqr Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Given the age, behavior, sex and location there was really no reason to stop. If the boy needed help he could have flagged someone down. This being said, I probably would have asked if they needed help, but that is me. I would not blame someone who did not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I do not think an almost 18 y/o young man is viewed as a "kid" by most people. So no, I would not have expected people to stop for two young adult male changing a tire in a safe location. :iagree: I would have expected an 18 year old to seek help at the police station, find someone leaving, or use a cell to get help if he needed it. If the older was 16, I would have been surprised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 I would stop for anyone I know that is on the side of the road- just in case they could use a tool, etc. The age of my acquaintance wouldn't matter- I would stop. I don't know that I would be angry about this, but just more miffed than anything. I am not angry but just a little :glare: that none of the parents whom we have known for years would at least make sure the boys were okay. I would have stopped for to check on their kid if in the same situation. Like I said, they ended up being fine but my son was like...:001_huh: "not even a policeman asked if we needed help." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Well they were at the police station. What better place to be if you need help? If they looked like they knew what they were doing and were in a safe place, I wouldn't have bothered them. :iagree: Of course, if I *knew* the people (regardless of age, gender, or location) and recognized them, I would probably slow down and ask if everything was okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I do not think an almost 18 y/o young man is viewed as a "kid" by most people. So no, I would not have expected people to stop for two young adult male changing a tire in a safe location. :iagree: OTOH, if it was someone I knew *I* would stop. I wouldn't expect it from anyone else, particularly, but I would have asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I probably would have stopped & asked if they were okay - especially if I knew them. But honestly, they are old enough to ask for help... there were adults that they knew well nearby and a police station right there, so it makes more sense if they had needed assistance to just ask for it. In my teen years, there were several times that my friends and I had to ask for assistance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I do not think an almost 18 y/o young man is viewed as a "kid" by most people. So no, I would not have expected people to stop for two young adult male changing a tire in a safe location. Well if they were just standing around staring at each other trying to figure out what to do it might be possible no one realized they needed help. If they were getting on with the job it may have appeared they did not need help. I would help a child of a friend if said child flagged me down and requested assistance. I would have probably smiled and waved as I drove by otherwise. I agree with these folks. Especially if I knew the boys had cell phones. I'd presume they were okay because they appeared okay and had plenty of options to get assistance if they needed it. *shrugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Well they were at the police station. What better place to be if you need help? If they looked like they knew what they were doing and were in a safe place, I wouldn't have bothered them. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Given the age, behavior, sex and location there was really no reason to stop. If the boy needed help he could have flagged someone down. This being said, I probably would have asked if they needed help, but that is me. I would not blame someone who did not. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 No. They're plenty old enough to ask for help if they needed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unscripted Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I am not angry but just a little :glare: that none of the parents whom we have known for years would at least make sure the boys were okay. I would have stopped for to check on their kid if in the same situation. Like I said, they ended up being fine but my son was like...:001_huh: "not even a policeman asked if we needed help." :glare:<---- that's my miffed face. Lol! I wasn't assuming you were angry per se... Just clarifying what would be in *my* head. The game changer for me from stopping for someone was that in your case- I was assuming that I *did* know them. Whether they looked capable, had it under control, at the police station, whatever- it's just the fact that I know the person that is stranded- and would double check on them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I was assuming that I *did* know them. Whether they looked capable, had it under control, at the police station, whatever- it's just the fact that I know the person that is stranded- and would double check on them. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I do not think an almost 18 y/o young man is viewed as a "kid" by most people. So no, I would not have expected people to stop for two young adult male changing a tire in a safe location. Well if they were just standing around staring at each other trying to figure out what to do it might be possible no one realized they needed help. If they were getting on with the job it may have appeared they did not need help. I would help a child of a friend if said child flagged me down and requested assistance. I would have probably smiled and waved as I drove by otherwise. :iagree: 2 capable guys. Safe lit area. Actively in charge of the situation. Nope, I wouldn't have worried a bit about them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I do not think an almost 18 y/o young man is viewed as a "kid" by most people. So no, I would not have expected people to stop for two young adult male changing a tire in a safe location. :iagree: Further, if he DID need help, I would expect he was capable of stopping one of the adults passing by and asking for help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4littleones Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I would be bothered a bit. I would expect a friendly concern, what we call community spirit, KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Last time I had to change a tire was on the side of the interstate, in 20 below and windy weather. I didn't even let the kids get out of the car when I jacked it up. No one even stopped for 45 minutes. (It took longer than usual because it was so cold.) Finally, an overweight, old policeman stopped, who couldn't have helped if his life had depended on it.:glare: So, I'm not surprised. However, I coach high school swimming, which ends at 8 or 9pm, depending on the day. I don't leave til everyone has driven off or been picked up. So, I would be miffed at the friends, the friends' parents AND the coach for not asking (at the very least.) Where's the village when you need it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 If I knew the boys I'd probably ask if they had everything (tools) they needed. I don't think I know a boy that age that can't change a flat without any help. If I didn't know them I wouldn't consider stopping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathymuggle Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 In that situation I absolutely would have asked if they needed help. It is not about age or gender - I would ask anyone I knew with a flat tire if they needed assistance. I cannot change a tire, but I can offer a cell phone or a lift. I will occasionally help strangers as well (I am more careful about it). Strangers have offered me assistance many times (including just last week when my son and I were were trying to get a large TV into a small car). We declined the help - but the offer was still nice, and added positively to building a caring community. I think the world is a better place when we have a generous spirit. I do live in a fairly safe part of the world - perhaps that factors into my decisions, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I have a very generous spirit but my son and his friends are very capable young men who would be embarrassed by an offer of help for something that they would see as sort of an adventure. Unless they seemed like they were having trouble (which is sounds like these boys weren't) I wouldn't offer so as to not seem to be babying them. Perhaps my son and friends are odd but that's where I would come from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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