Why does it matter? (Budget question)

[GoVanGogh]

I didn't want to derail the holiday spending thread, but I have a burning question:

Why does it matter?

 

I have always wanted to ask that anytime I see a post regarding how much people spend on curriculum, outside activities, food, birthday gifts, holiday spending and the like.

 

It isn't a competition and there are just so many things to factor in. Shouldn't people just spend what they are comfortable with and be content with that?

 

Ex: holiday spending --

how many children you have, if children receive gifts from extended family, whether you buy gifts for extended family, whether you travel for the holidays, whether you host any holiday parties, whether you attend holiday parties and buy hostess gifts, how you celebrate the holidays, what your expectations are, what type of holiday memories you want, where you live and what your local economy is like, what your own household budget is like at the time, etc.

 

If you don't know the specifics of why (or how) they spend what they do, how useful is it to know what someone else spends?

[MeaganS]

I always figured it was out of curiosity and conversation. I don't see it as a competition. Also, with some things, it can help me see if my expectations are realistic.

Edited September 26, 2011 by MeaganS

[Sputterduck]

Things don't always have to be useful. Sometimes people just like to talk to each other.

[GoVanGogh]

Things don't always have to be useful. Sometimes people just like to talk to each other.

True enough.

I just find it a strange thing to talk about. :tongue_smilie:

[Cricket]

Probably curiosity! I think it's fun to ask questions on here that would probably be considered rude IRL but I've always wondered about. For some reason it isn't rude on a forum! :lol:

[GoVanGogh]

I imagine you find it strange bc its a rude thing to ask IRL.

Probably is, now that I think about it. We are forever dodging MIL's questions about how much money we make and spend, while step-MIL is forever telling us how much money she spent on everything. ("Do you like my new ring? I only paid $3,456 for it!")

I just cannot imagine posting how much we spend for something, because - without knowing why we spent what we did - that information just seems pointless.

[Impish]

The only time I tend to talk about what I spent on something is if I got a really good deal/sale and want to pass that info along to someone I know is looking for the same item.

[Tammyla]

I think it's part of the on-line thing, where it's easier to ask stuff you wouldn't face to face.

[SailorMom]

I always figured it was out of curiosity and conversation. I don't see it as a competition.

 

:iagree:

[Slojo's Homeschool]

I don't know about Christmas/birthday stuff - that feels personal/not my business. But for curriculum and HSing, it is helpful for me as newbie to get a sense of how others are approaching the resource allocation part of it. I know people's budgets are different, but it does help to have examples of how others have approached it and why (e.g., "It was just too difficult to do on my own, so we decided to outsource it and pay for classes." "We spent $500 on science/lab materials starting in grade ___ so that my kids could do full labs.") As a newbie, you really don't know everything to expect, and when I run into difficulties, it's nice to know that people have weighed the options I'm weighing and what kinds of costs might be associated with going down one path or another.

 

To use another example, when I was researching cloth diapers it was very helpful to see lists of:

 

- Basic no-frills option for cloth-diapering

- Middle-of-the-line; buys you some flexibility

- Top-of-the-line diapers

 

It helped me sort through what was worth getting based on our needs. We ended up middle-of-the-line because some of the more expensive, but newer style diapers looked and performed similarly to disposable and it allowed us to make it easier on ourselves as a family that needed to put our kids in daycare part of the time. And having those lists with the reasons behind it did save us money because we didn't waste money experimenting without any context.

Edited September 26, 2011 by Slojo's Homeschool

[Jean in Newcastle]

I ask questions like that at times because we're trying to figure out how to budget things. I know that ultimately it doesn't really matter what others are doing and that some will have a budget closer to what we can manage and some won't (either higher or lower). But sometimes seeing what others are doing makes it easier to see what I want to do.

[oldskool]

I ask questions like that at times because we're trying to figure out how to budget things. I know that ultimately it doesn't really matter what others are doing and that some will have a budget closer to what we can manage and some won't (either higher or lower). But sometimes seeing what others are doing makes it easier to see what I want to do.

 

:iagree:

 

Lesley

[Night Elf]

I've wondered the same thing actually. I'm always hesitant to answer because I don't want people judging me for the money that DH and I choose to spend on something. My spending habits may look outrageous as an isolated post, but when measured against our income, needs and wants, it's rather modest, IMHO.

[Crissy]

I just find it a strange thing to talk about.

 

that information just seems pointless.

 

:lol:

 

As is a good portion of the conversation here on the general board, isn't it?

[OH_Homeschooler]

I think a lot of things like this can be ambiguous. How would you know if you were getting ripped off on curriculum unless you asked others what they spend?

[momma2three]

The Christmas ones always bug me.

 

I see this conversation on every internet forum I've ever seen.

 

A: "We've spent about $1000 on presents."

B: "OMG I could never spend so much! Your child is a spoiled brat! I couldn't even think of that many things to buy!"

 

I really hate seeing that. It seems so mean and like it's none of person B's business. Maybe because I'd love to be able to spend $1000 on gifts myself!

 

It seems even worse when person B continues "we only buy the children 1 gift each! And trust me, with all their grandparents and aunts and cousins and neighbors, they still get PLENTY of presents!"

 

Because what if person A doesn't have grandparents and aunts and cousins and neighbors buying their children presents? Person A's children should only get 1 gift under the tree then? So on top of the judgment about Person A spending too much, now they're being judged for having too small a family?

 

I know that this is a really minor thing, but I see it every single year, all over the place, and it really bothers me. I had absolutely no extended family when I was growing up, and my parents really went crazy at Christmas to make up for that, and it means a lot to me that they did that.

[mommaduck]

Agreeing on curiousity. Perhaps it makes someone who used to spend more feel less guilty for spending less. Or vice versa, with someone who is used to spending less but has extra to spend this time around.

[Dolphin]

curiosity, and also for me it helps to see other peoples budgets so I can see what I have forgotten to factor in. There are many members of this board that are really organized and have great budgets. A lot of time, I can just take there budget list and put my own figures next to it. I can be really scatter brained and will forget to save/put money aside for something and then be sideswiped by the sudden expense.

[QueenCat]

I ask questions like that at times because we're trying to figure out how to budget things. I know that ultimately it doesn't really matter what others are doing and that some will have a budget closer to what we can manage and some won't (either higher or lower). But sometimes seeing what others are doing makes it easier to see what I want to do.

 

:iagree:Seeing how others do it sometimes give me ideas on ways I may want to do it differently. I've often wondered if we spend in excess, so it can be a reality check. I love getting ideas on "what" to buy for different ages, as I often get ideas I hadn't thought about, and then pursue.

[GoVanGogh]

I ask questions like that at times because we're trying to figure out how to budget things. I know that ultimately it doesn't really matter what others are doing and that some will have a budget closer to what we can manage and some won't (either higher or lower). But sometimes seeing what others are doing makes it easier to see what I want to do.

curiosity, and also for me it helps to see other peoples budgets so I can see what I have forgotten to factor in. There are many members of this board that are really organized and have great budgets. A lot of time, I can just take there budget list and put my own figures next to it. I can be really scatter brained and will forget to save/put money aside for something and then be sideswiped by the sudden expense.

But budgets are calculated based on percentages, not dollar amounts, right? So to gather enough info to make it transferable to your own budget, you would need to know where the person lives and what cost of living is in that area, family size/ages, annual household salary and what percentage of income is going into each category - not to mention how that family organizes their household expenses. (What one family may consider 'groceries' another may consider 'misc.,' such as laundry soap.)

 

The Christmas ones always bug me.

 

I see this conversation on every internet forum I've ever seen.

 

A: "We've spent about $1000 on presents."

B: "OMG I could never spend so much! Your child is a spoiled brat! I couldn't even think of that many things to buy!"

 

I really hate seeing that. It seems so mean and like it's none of person B's business. Maybe because I'd love to be able to spend $1000 on gifts myself!

 

It seems even worse when person B continues "we only buy the children 1 gift each! And trust me, with all their grandparents and aunts and cousins and neighbors, they still get PLENTY of presents!"

 

Because what if person A doesn't have grandparents and aunts and cousins and neighbors buying their children presents? Person A's children should only get 1 gift under the tree then? So on top of the judgment about Person A spending too much, now they're being judged for having too small a family?

 

I know that this is a really minor thing, but I see it every single year, all over the place, and it really bothers me. I had absolutely no extended family when I was growing up, and my parents really went crazy at Christmas to make up for that, and it means a lot to me that they did that.

That's the post that "pushed me over the edge this morning," for the same reasons you mentioned. :tongue_smilie:

We have a very small family and receive no gifts from extended family, even grandparents. I try hard to make up for it, as we all notice that void. (Not the gifts, but the sentiment and thoughts behind it.)

I always have others tell me, "Well, we only buy three gifts for the children and they don't notice it." Then they talk about gifts they all receive from aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and all the family holiday gatherings they attend. I know I'm sensitive about how much I spend, but I don't go into debt for it and don't spend beyond our budget - so why would it matter to anyone else if I spend $100 or $1,000?

 

As is a good portion of the conversation here on the general board, isn't it?

:lol:

True. But kilts and all are so entertaining!

[Mrs_JWM]

I'm a nosy gossip at heart, but I refrain from it in real life...usually! :tongue_smilie:

[PeacefulChaos]

I always figured it was out of curiosity and conversation. I don't see it as a competition. Also, with some things, it can help me see if my expectations a realistic.

 

:iagree:

[PeacefulChaos]

I find it interesting that so many people wouldn't talk about this in real life. ??

I wouldn't walk up to a random stranger and be like, hey, how much do you spend around Christmas time, but with close friends and family it comes up in conversation. I'm not shy about money, we don't make a whole heck of a lot but we do ok. That isn't something that I'm ashamed of.

Maybe it is just part of the dynamic that we have, but talking about it doesn't seem strange at all to me.

[6packofun]

Also, with some things, it can help me see if my expectations a realistic.

 

Yes, this is the main reason I sometimes appreciate those threads. Even with the vast differences in experiences, financial situations, and varying prices around the country, I *still* benefit from knowing that I might be able to get more or DO more with less and those threads can be the starting point for that.

 

One can usually tell who doesn't need to be on (or doesn't have) a budget (spending $10k per year on school, LOL...or doing it mainly for free) or has a very different income/lifestyle from us, so I don't figure those comments into my own equation. :D

[Parrothead]

I've always thought those threads were started out of idle curiosity. What they turn into is another matter.

[Jenny in Florida]

I assume it comes from the same place as other, similar, "Does anybody do this . . . ?" kids of threads. People get to thinking about something, maybe something they've always done more or less on auto-pilot, and wonder if there's another, better way to do it.

 

It's a shame that these questions so often open the door to ugly competitions. But I don't think it's the way most of them are intended.

 

And I sometimes find them helpful.

[momma2three]

That's the post that "pushed me over the edge this morning," for the same reasons you mentioned. :tongue_smilie:

We have a very small family and receive no gifts from extended family, even grandparents. I try hard to make up for it, as we all notice that void. (Not the gifts, but the sentiment and thoughts behind it.)

I always have others tell me, "Well, we only buy three gifts for the children and they don't notice it." Then they talk about gifts they all receive from aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and all the family holiday gatherings they attend. I know I'm sensitive about how much I spend, but I don't go into debt for it and don't spend beyond our budget - so why would it matter to anyone else if I spend $100 or $1,000?

 

 

LOL, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's noticed these sorts of posts.

 

And, you know, it took me a long time to realize the part about these people having other family members to do the heavy lifting... but it frankly all makes sense now that I've realized it! Like all those people who say "you need to have a weekly date night with DH" or "if the kids are driving you crazy, just go out for a day and relax!" Great advice... if you have cheap and easy childcare! Which not everyone does.

 

So don't let it bother you. It's sort of sad that the people who offer this sort of "advice" don't realize just how lucky they are. But the most important thing is that you need to do what's right for your family :)

[Nestof3]

We go hog-wild at Christmas because we like to. We don't spend more than we are able to afford, but we figure if it takes one day out of a year to ruin a child for life, we are already doomed. :lol:

 

I know that this is a really minor thing, but I see it every single year, all over the place, and it really bothers me. I had absolutely no extended family when I was growing up, and my parents really went crazy at Christmas to make up for that, and it means a lot to me that they did that.