Should husband with altered dietary menu make own food?

[the4Rs]

If a husband goes on a radical diet that greatly affects what he can put into his body for a time period...should said husband be responsible for his own food? i.e. cooking and prepping and making sure he has everything he needs for the week? Or should the wife make sure to prepare all his meals and also make meals for the rest of the family that aren't quite so radical? What if this new eating plan was vastly different than the wife was used to making and now planning meals was becoming a consuming headache? What if husband wanted those foods but wouldn't make them for himself? He wasn't demanding of the wife but would act put out if it wasn't made in time or would criticize if it wasn't perfect?

[MHowell]

We have always had a policy in this house of fixing ONE meal. If someone wants something different, they can make themselves their own dinner- or starve.

 

It is harder when it's a spouse though. I hope you can come to a pleasant agreement on meals.

[LibraryLover]

Sounds like he has a bad attitude, isn't very nice and just wants what he wants. I wouldn't appreciate the disrespect. However, for discussion's purpose, I'll play.

 

What's the diet? No pasta? No sugar? OK. Green smoothies or Muscle Milk for everyone at every meal? No. lol

 

If the diet was healthier, in general, I would try it, although I know dh would help shop & plan if it was stressing me out. I've done South Beach-type meals for months on end (it's pretty much how I always cook), and a high veggie/high protein diet for prolonged periods of time. I still make pasta for the family, for instance, although I do not often eat it, and dh sometimes does. We eat the salad, the veggies, the protein, just without pasta etc.

Edited August 11, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Night Elf]

I'll answer it the other way around. My DH does all the cooking in the house. If I went on a special diet that required different foods to be prepared, I would assume full responsibility. It doesn't seem fair to expect someone to cater to me. Now, if it was special because of medical reasons, I'm sure my DH would try to accommodate any special dietary needs, but just going on a diet to lose weight isn't the same thing.

[the4Rs]

Its not medical...it is soley for physical appearance.

[mrs.m]

I would request that he help with the planning as a compromise and give me ideas for meals that fit his specs but can also feed the family. I would shop and prepare the meals we planned.

[Mrs Mungo]

Because he wants to or needs to?

 

My dh cannot cook. He once caught a pot of water on fire. If he became diabetic, then I would cook special meals for him. He has gone on high protein diets where I did make him chicken, boiled eggs, eggwhite omelets and such.

 

However, if he was just caught up in some craze? And it had a day by day menu with crazy foods? And he complained if it wasn't just like the picture? Heck no. But, he still cannot cook. So, we would have to find a compromise solution.

[Xuzi]

Ya, that wouldn't fly in my house. :lol: If my DH wanted to change his eating habits, he's more than welcome to, and I'll accomodate any reasonable changes, but to refuse to participate in carrying out HIS decision for HIS life? That's just selfishness, and I'd wonder about how successful he'll be at the plan, having pawned off so much of the responsibility for it's success onto someone else.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Is it necessary for his health? Dh cannot have dairy. I learned how to cook without it or with substitutes. Our whole family went on a rotation diet with me eating strange things (to us) like millet and amaranth. I was the only one who had to do it but they were willing to do it with me because it was for my health. Ironically I found no allergies for myself but I did for dh and dd!

 

Is it a healthy way to eat? I can't imagine many diets that are not healthy at all or can't be added to. Dh and I are eating low(er) carb. Tonight I made spaghetti for the family. I had the sauce and a salad with no noodles.

[joannqn]

Is this for weight loss? If so, could you come to an agreement on a healthier, weight-loss friendly menu for everyone? He could have more of the menu that fits his needs and less of the menu that doesn't. For example, making lean chicken, mashed potatoes, veggies, and salad...he'd have less potatoes and more veggies and salad then everyone else.

 

I'm following Weight Watchers (well, I'll return to it when our exchange students leave) and everyone eats the new menu since it is healthier for everyone anyway.

[Lara in Colo]

I guess I would compromise and do some batch cooking for him and he can eat leftovers all week long. Other than that he is on his own---esp if he is snarky about it!

[the4Rs]

I'm the "make one meal for all" kind of person. We were never a big protein family to begin with but I have cut a considerable amount of carbs from our diet and it has been great.

 

However, he is an EXTREMELY picky eater about certain foods and textures. So it is quite limited what he'll actually eat...and frankly I am bored and he won't help. I've told him time and again I'll show him how to make this stuff...will he do it? No.

 

I'm leaving with the kids to see my family and will be gone for 3 days..I am having to precook stuff for him because he won't do it himself.

[Impish]

I'm the "make one meal for all" kind of person. We were never a big protein family to begin with but I have cut a considerable amount of carbs from our diet and it has been great.

 

However, he is an EXTREMELY picky eater about certain foods and textures. So it is quite limited what he'll actually eat...and frankly I am bored and he won't help. I've told him time and again I'll show him how to make this stuff...will he do it? No.

 

I'm leaving with the kids to see my family and will be gone for 3 days..I am having to precook stuff for him because he won't do it himself.

Oh heck no.

 

Would not fly here at all.

[FrogMom5]

If it's a medical problem, I would make the food for him. If it's for weight lifting or something else non-medical, I would expect him to take care of it. I still might help out some, but my dh would take care of most of it.

Denise

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm leaving with the kids to see my family and will be gone for 3 days..I am having to precook stuff for him because he won't do it himself.

 

Definitely no.

[LibraryLover]

I'm the "make one meal for all" kind of person. We were never a big protein family to begin with but I have cut a considerable amount of carbs from our diet and it has been great.

 

However, he is an EXTREMELY picky eater about certain foods and textures. So it is quite limited what he'll actually eat...and frankly I am bored and he won't help. I've told him time and again I'll show him how to make this stuff...will he do it? No.

 

I'm leaving with the kids to see my family and will be gone for 3 days..I am having to precook stuff for him because he won't do it himself.

 

 

No. Way. No. How. You need to have a serious discussion. That's a huge burden for the rest of your life together.

[the4Rs]

He is on a high protein diet...like super high protein. He wants to bulk up muscle.

 

So to make it taste better and extend it: I like to add veggies and the like...he is so picky though.

 

Can't use:

onions

mushrooms

peppers

cauliflower

broccoli

spinach

cucumbers

[helena]

My husband recently did a 10 day juice fast, he did all his own juicing (and clean up).

 

I'd have a little fun with the diet too if it wasn't anything way out there.

I'd sometimes wash and prep, and pick up his ingredients when going to the market. I try to be supportive of anything healthy he's trying to do.

 

Overall I'd say it's his responsibility to make the diet work for himself. Taking charge of your diet is all about you being accountable.

[Slartibartfast]

So what would he do for food if you weren't going to cook his meals ahead of time?

 

Would he sit there starving and sulky?

 

Would he find something to eat?

[Mrs Mungo]

Buy a bunch of canned chicken and tuna and those bags of rice that you cook in the microwave. You are catering to desires, not needs.

[mrs.m]

I'm the "make one meal for all" kind of person. We were never a big protein family to begin with but I have cut a considerable amount of carbs from our diet and it has been great.

 

However, he is an EXTREMELY picky eater about certain foods and textures. So it is quite limited what he'll actually eat...and frankly I am bored and he won't help. I've told him time and again I'll show him how to make this stuff...will he do it? No.

 

I'm leaving with the kids to see my family and will be gone for 3 days..I am having to precook stuff for him because he won't do it himself.

 

 

I'm willing to assist and support. But this would be too far.

 

:grouphug:

[Slartibartfast]

He is on a high protein diet...like super high protein. He wants to bulk up muscle.

 

So to make it taste better and extend it: I like to add veggies and the like...he is so picky though.

 

Can't use:

onions

mushrooms

peppers

cauliflower

broccoli

spinach

cucumbers

 

:lol:

 

Dd often says she doesn't like onions. I tell her it's silly because everything she likes has onions. I put them in nearly everything.

 

Is it a texture thing? If you make chili, would he eat it if you stuck the peppers and onions in the blender?

[the4Rs]

So what would he do for food if you weren't going to cook his meals ahead of time?

 

Would he sit there starving and sulky?

 

Would he find something to eat?

 

He'd probably eat lunch meat for every meal and I'd hear about it when I got home which I'm trying to avoid. I was raised to take care of my family and my man...but I am becoming wearisome of this burden and have told him so. I honestly think he thinks I'm joking.

 

So tonight I was going over all that I bought him while we would be gone and how to make it. He just looked at me and said "What were you doing with your night?" (implying that I should have been making it this evening and saving him the hassle.)

 

Sigh.

[Mrs Mungo]

He'd probably eat lunch meat for every meal and I'd hear about it when I got home which I'm trying to avoid. I was raised to take care of my family and my man...but I am becoming wearisome of this burden and have told him so. I honestly think he thinks I'm joking.

 

So tonight I was going over all that I bought him while we would be gone and how to make it. He just looked at me and said "What were you doing with your night?" (implying that I should have been making it this evening and saving him the hassle.)

 

Sigh.

 

Honestly, you just don't want to know how I would respond to such a statement.

[Jean in Newcastle]

He is on a high protein diet...like super high protein. He wants to bulk up muscle.

 

So to make it taste better and extend it: I like to add veggies and the like...he is so picky though.

 

Can't use:

onions

mushrooms

peppers

cauliflower

broccoli

spinach

cucumbers

 

This shouldn't be hard. While you are gone, he can eat simple meats and a deli salad or other side if he will eat it. If he won't eat the sides, he won't die if he just eats simple meats (roast, some baked chicken breasts) - you can get stuff at the grocery store deli - costs more but you don't have to slave away to cook it ahead of time for him.

 

When you are cooking for the family, make your meat in two pans. One is for him - it is simple meat with perhaps a veggie or seasoning that he likes. The other is for the family - same meat with more variety of veggies and seasonings. Then put whatever sides you want on the table.

 

For snacks or for grazing, get him some of that grilled chicken that you can get in the deli section of the grocery store.

[ChandlerMom]

Wow. Um, no.

 

Sorry, but it sounds like your dh has some serious maturity issues if he decides he has to do some extreme diet change but is unwilling to take any responsibility in actually making those changes. He's just expecting YOU to "make it so" and IMO that is both incredibly selfish and disrespectful.

 

Cooking meals ahead for when you are out of town for 3 days? When YOU are taking the kids?!?! Unless he is bedridden and unable to dial for delivery with a pencil held in his mouth that's um...crazy. And the word "co-dependence" comes to mind. :p

 

I've asked dh not to bring food into the house I like too much (he does most of the shopping). And tonight for dinner we had five of us all eating completely different things (not usually the case, but at least most were from left overs and fruits veggies). I try to make sure there is something each person would eat in the meal, and hardboiled eggs or string cheese are always avail if the protein course doesn't work for one of the kids. If my dh wanted to shift diets and it was healthy for us AS A FAMILY, I would try to move that way and work more of those foods in. But...

 

Bottom line: if dh wants a radical change the whole family cannot embrace, he needs to get off his butt and make his own food.

 

My 2cents....

 

ETA: just saw your post on the high protein. Buy a bag of precooked chicken strips or hard boil some eggs. He can just eat the same darn thing every day and supplement with what the rest of the family is eating, but beyond that he'd be out of luck in our home. :D

Edited August 11, 2011 by ChandlerMom

[the4Rs]

I know I am kind of slamming him...to be fair I am proud of how hard he is working to be healthy but he's taking it to the extreme. He wants big muscles...and he's becoming obsessed with it.

 

But he is my best friend and we do have a lot of fun...tonight just rubbed me especially wrong.

 

ps. and if i can be honest here...I have NEVER liked big muscles on guys. I was always attracted to the long and lean guys. Don't know why. :D

[Slartibartfast]

He'd probably eat lunch meat for every meal and I'd hear about it when I got home which I'm trying to avoid. I was raised to take care of my family and my man...but I am becoming wearisome of this burden and have told him so. I honestly think he thinks I'm joking.

 

So tonight I was going over all that I bought him while we would be gone and how to make it. He just looked at me and said "What were you doing with your night?" (implying that I should have been making it this evening and saving him the hassle.)

 

Sigh.

 

Um, I would say "I plan to kill some orcs since you are about to get a vacation from the kids. I might have a refreshing alcoholic beverage. What are you planning on doing with your night?"

[the4Rs]

Um, I would say "I plan to kill some orcs since you are about to get a vacation from the kids. What are you planning on doing with your night?"

 

:lol::lol: Thanks! I needed that laugh!

[Night Elf]

Honestly, you just don't want to know how I would respond to such a statement.

 

Ain't that the darn skippy truth!

[KungFuPanda]

I'm the "make one meal for all" kind of person. We were never a big protein family to begin with but I have cut a considerable amount of carbs from our diet and it has been great.

 

However, he is an EXTREMELY picky eater about certain foods and textures. So it is quite limited what he'll actually eat...and frankly I am bored and he won't help. I've told him time and again I'll show him how to make this stuff...will he do it? No.

 

I'm leaving with the kids to see my family and will be gone for 3 days..I am having to precook stuff for him because he won't do it himself.

 

Um, NO. Just leave. I'll bet he won't starve. If his diet would be healthier for the whole family . . .like cutting carbs and serving more produce . . . It'd be different, but if he's just picky AND lazy he's on his own. LET him be put out. Let him read this thread. :lol: Making your own food is a LOT easier than traveling with children.

[Slartibartfast]

:lol::lol: Thanks! I needed that laugh!

 

Oh I am in earnest. I play Lord of the Rings Online. I am totally killing orcs. :lol:

[ChandlerMom]

He just looked at me and said "What were you doing with your night?" (implying that I should have been making it this evening and saving him the hassle.)

 

Sigh.

 

"Hmmmm, how about I go get you a pillow and blanket since you seem determined to sleep on the couch tonight?" :D

[lovelaughs_times_three]

So tonight I was going over all that I bought him while we would be gone and how to make it. He just looked at me and said "What were you doing with your night?" (implying that I should have been making it this evening and saving him the hassle.)

 

Sigh.

 

Wow. There are no words.

[RanchGirl]

What if husband wanted those foods but wouldn't make them for himself? He wasn't demanding of the wife but would act put out if it wasn't made in time or would criticize if it wasn't perfect?

I wouldn't be cooking anything for anyone who behaved like this, much less special meals.

[Mom in High Heels]

Not just no, but he11 no. Especially after that last comment you posted. What are doing with your night? How about taking care of the kids, packing, relaxing? What was he doing with his night? I can see James Bond saying something like that to me. It would not go over well.

I'm on a special diet right now (for weight loss reasons, not medical) and it' very restrictive. I would never expect someone else to go through the trouble to make what I needed. That's just silly. *I* decided to do it, therefor *I* am responsible for it.

[Carrie12345]

My first thought was that I'd absolutely take care of the shopping while doing my regular shopping and take care of the prep/cooking while doing my regular prep/cooking. Separate trips and double kitchen clean up doesn't make sense to me.

 

But the whole "He won't do it himself" thing, when it's something he supposedly "wants"? Well, he obviously doesn't think it's worth his effort, so how in the world can it be worth yours?!

 

Anything worth having is worth working for.

[Jennifer in MI]

My first thought was that I'd absolutely take care of the shopping while doing my regular shopping and take care of the prep/cooking while doing my regular prep/cooking. Separate trips and double kitchen clean up doesn't make sense to me.

 

But the whole "He won't do it himself" thing, when it's something he supposedly "wants"? Well, he obviously doesn't think it's worth his effort, so how in the world can it be worth yours?!

 

Anything worth having is worth working for.

 

:iagree: It's the attitude that would bother me. And, it would turn me off totally to even wanting to encourage him in his muscle-building efforts.

 

My dh did do something like this once - high protein diet. We cooked a bunch of chicken breasts and hamburgers and froze them. If I cooked something that was not on his "diet," I knew I could always grab something easy fromt he freezer. Would something like that work? Of course, in your case, I'd say that HE can do all the cooking and freezing!!!

 

My blood is boiling for you right now!!!

[Carrie12345]

Just to add, I do try to lean toward high-protein and big quantities because my son and husband both have trouble gaining weight and keeping muscle mass, and it bothers both of them (Twigs, I tell ya). But neither ASKS (forget demands) for special consideration or completely separate meals, and they're both capable of whipping something up for themselves when I'm not around.

[Farrar]

Agreed with others that the attitude is what would get me. And also, no way would I cook for dh before I left town. I try to leave him some stuff to make for himself that's easy, but he's an adult. Come on.

 

On a daily basis, can you do central stuff and have variations. Like, one protein for everyone and different sides for you and the kids than for him?

 

I must say that I used to be a really picky eater when I was young. And then I became a vegetarian. I kept that up for YEARS and I still have no idea how. My diet has really changed since then and I would wager to say I'm only mildly picky (no mayo or vinegary things, please). But I really think you can be *either* picky *or* on a restricted diet. Not both.

[DarcyB]

I guess I would compromise and do some batch cooking for him and he can eat leftovers all week long. Other than that he is on his own---esp if he is snarky about it!

 

This is me. I wouldn't do two separate meals each and ever night to accommodate him for a 'fashion' diet. I'd accommodate where I could, adjust our diet to meet his, but if this is something like the P90X diet, he's on his own - or I'd do some batches so that he could just eat it nightly.

 

The snark would bother me greatly. It's so disrespectful.

[DarcyB]

Oh I am in earnest. I play Lord of the Rings Online. I am totally killing orcs. :lol:

 

So do we :)

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

However, he is an EXTREMELY picky eater about certain foods and textures. So it is quite limited what he'll actually eat...and frankly I am bored and he won't help. I've told him time and again I'll show him how to make this stuff...will he do it? No.

 

I'm leaving with the kids to see my family and will be gone for 3 days..I am having to precook stuff for him because he won't do it himself.

 

I can SO relate to these two things. I just don't give a flying fig anymore. Dh can stand in front of the fridge and pout and complain about there being "nothing" to eat until the cows come home. I'm making one dinner- a healthy one at that. If you won't eat it due to your own crippling, crazy food limitations, that is not my problem. If you are unwilling to do the work to make your own food, too bad.

[Hwin]

If I was approached in the manner you describe, I would make him whatever he wanted. And I would serve it in a metal dish on the floor.

[livingnlearning]

Around here I call that um... rear-end wiping. As in "I'm willing to help but I'm not going to wipe your rear end for you." Some things people just need to do for themselves and your DH has reached that threshold.

 

I was also raised to "take care of my man" and mine was raised that he was supposed to be taken care of by a woman. That's so limiting to both of us and I killed the concept here. Now it's something that I take completely as an option.

 

Don't let yourself get squished into being taken for granted in a role that should be fun and appreciated.

[Elisabeth in IL]

When my husband goes on a weird diet, and he has done this several times, he makes his own food but I end up cleaning up after him.

[Impish]

Honestly, you just don't want to know how I would respond to such a statement.

:iagree:I've noticed Wolf doesn't go in for the high adrenaline events since getting married. He seems to get whatever adrenaline rush he needs by intentionally saying/doing something that earns him The Look. That's life threatening enough these days.

If I was approached in the manner you describe, I would make him whatever he wanted. And I would serve it in a metal dish on the floor.

Bwah hahahahaha!

[Peela]

We have many food issues here. Dh is strict vegetarian who doesn't like vegetables and is allergic to beans. Eats minimal range of foods, partly through taste and choice, partly though sensitive digestive system.

Its been a hard road but nowadays he is grateful for any effort I make towards preparing something he can eat. Both kids have their own food issues, and so do I. Our family meals generally go something like:

 

pasta and pesto, salad- home made healthy pesto, wheat pasta for the kids, rice pasta for dh and I, salad for everyone.

 

baked vegies and salad- all can eat

 

Meat and potatoes- ha! Vegetarian soy based schnitzel for dh, kangaroo kebabs or chicken something for the kids, and tempeh for me. Mashed potatoes, peas and salad for all of us. So the vegetarian schnitzel, the kebabs and the tempeh are all fried at the same time, in 2 different pans- so it is minimal effort.

 

Soup- only 3 /4 will eat.

Meat- 2/4

Bread 2/4

Eggs- 4/4

Salad 4/4

Rice 3/4

 

So...not easy. Generally I am happy if I can feed dh 3 or 4 times a week, and the same for everyone else. I ask everyone for what meals they would like to have on hand to make for themselves....usually its eggs, or 2 minute noodles for the kids. We get by. We used to have such battles but I think everyone realised I just couldnt please everyone, and I stopped expecting everyone to like every meal.

 

So I do TRY and make several meals a week we can all eat...but I dont always succeed.

 

In the OP's situation....learn not to be codependent. The dh wont starve. Speak your truth and don't be a doormat (people treat us how we let them treat us, especially those closest to us). But you also don't need to get bitter about it either...maybe it will urge you towards some creative thinking and cooking. It has for me- but I have certainly gone on strike at times too. Its been an evolution over the years and mostly I am respected nowadays AND I try to show my love for them all by attempting to give them a healthy diet of food they will actually eat.

Edited August 11, 2011 by Peela

[YLVD]

If a husband goes on a radical diet that greatly affects what he can put into his body for a time period...should said husband be responsible for his own food? i.e. cooking and prepping and making sure he has everything he needs for the week? Or should the wife make sure to prepare all his meals and also make meals for the rest of the family that aren't quite so radical? What if this new eating plan was vastly different than the wife was used to making and now planning meals was becoming a consuming headache? What if husband wanted those foods but wouldn't make them for himself? He wasn't demanding of the wife but would act put out if it wasn't made in time or would criticize if it wasn't perfect?

 

Yes

 

My SO does almost all of the cooking. If I were eating radically different, I would make those foods myself.

 

If a husband wants those foods then he has to make them for himself. If he acts out, there are larger problems in the marriage to work out. I would not be involved with a two year old that acts out.

[sunflowerlady]

Well, I have been eating differently from my family for three years. Basically, I did Atkins for three years and I did not expect anyone to cater to me. Good thing, because nobody did.:D

 

In my home, I am the one who shops, plans meals and cooks. Most of the time, I made a meat main dish, a starchy side dish and a veggie. I just ate the meat and veggie. Now I often still cooked other things for my family that I didn't eat. These were things like spaghetti, other pasta dishes, burritos etc. My thinking is that "I" was on low carb, they were not. So, I would make these things for them so that they could have more variety. Guess what I did when I made these meals for them that I could not eat? I fried an egg for myself and that was dinner. I wasn't grumpy about it either. It was my choice to eat differently, so I did what I needed to do.